Nielsen Rating: 12.7 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 94 - Bye Bye Birdie
First Air Date: April 13, 1990
Nielsen Rating: 12.7 HH
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Tom Devanney
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Guest Cast:
Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen
in this episode.
Balki-isms:
" . . . we have to take the bull by
the corns."
Don’t be ridiculous: Said five times in this episode (four times by Balki’s pet parrot Yeorgi.)
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Funny, funny story . . . "
"Wwowww!"
"Yes! Yes!!"
"Oh my Lord!"
Other running jokes used in this episode:
- Balki pouts
Songs:
"Puttin’ on the Ritz" - sung
by Balki and Yeorgi as Balki is teaching him how to sing
"Express Yourself" - sung by
Balki after he walks into the smoke-filled apartment
Myposian Ritual:
The Vingi Vingi Bingi - The Myposian
Ritual for Lost Pets
Interesting facts:
- The title of this episode comes from the
1960 stage musical of the same name. It was adapted as a movie in 1963 and
starred Dick Van Dyke and Ann Margret.
-
One may notice how well Bronson handles
the parrot in this episode. In real life, Bronson had pet birds of his own,
including a canary named Gabriel.
- The bit where Balki is teaching Yeorgi
to sing "Puttin’ on the Ritz" was very likely inspired by the
hilarious scene in the movie Young Frankenstein in which Dr. Frankenstein
presents his "monster" and the proceed to perform the song with the
monster yelling out the line, "Puttin’ on the Ritz!"
- Once again we get to see Balki wearing
his Spiderman pajamas.
- When Balki is teaching Yeorgi to sing, there are three paper cups which are
sitting upside down on the table as well. Why are they there? Read
the Script Variations below to find out!
- There’s little doubt that this episode
was inspired by the Laverne & Shirley episode entitled One Flew Over
Milwaukee, in which Shirley’s pet canary, Duane, flies out the window and
Shirley keeps vigil beneath it, awaiting his return. In fact, that episode was
penned by Perfect Strangers producers Michael Warren and William Bickley.
- As if it were really necessary to point
it out, the bird that Larry grabs so vigorously off the fire escape railing is a
fake bird, edited in after a shot of the real bird sitting on the fire escape.
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- Even though Yeorgi came back home at the
end of the episode, he must have gotten lost permanently shortly afterward
because he was never seen or even mentioned in the series again (don't even ask
what happened to the parrot that spoke Spanish!)
-
This episode featured several
establishing shots of the apartment building in inclement weather. All of this
was created with special effects. The dark clouds were added in the sky and the
overall brightness dimmed to simulate a storm brewing. All the snow effects were
added on, probably using a matte effect. It’s fairly obvious because while
there is snow falling from the sky and piled in various places none of the cars
driving by have any snow on them!
Synopsis:
The episode begins on a blustery, dark
day. Larry is sitting at the kitchen counter, talking on the phone. "Hello,
is this Johan from Jumpin’ Jiminy’s Chimney Sweeps?" Larry asks
(pronouncing all the J’s as Y’s), "Yeah, I can’t use my fireplace.
Uh, I need my chimney swept. Tomorrow is great. Yeah. My name is Larry Appleton,
711 Caldwell Avenue. Yeah, oh and Johan . . . uh, how much is this going to cost
me?" There is a pause. "I see," Larry responds, "Uh . . .
and uh, how much is it without the top hat?" Another pause. "You’ve
heard that one before, huh? All right. Well, I’ll see you then.
Thank you. Bye
bye." Larry hangs up the phone. Balki enters the apartment carrying a large
bird cage with a red parrot inside. "Cousin, guess what I got!"
"A parrot," Larry observes.
"A parrot!" Balki says happily,
carrying the cage to the coffee table and setting it down. Larry joins Balki and
they sit on the couch together. "Funny, funny story," Balki begins,
"You know when you see a parrot and something clicks? Well, that’s what
happened to me! And when the salesman saw that I was cuckoo over this birdie, he
give me the birdie for free." "Ah," Larry muses, "Did he
give you the cage for free?" "Well, of course not. Don’t be
ridiculous," Balki scoffs, "Cousin, this is a top-of-the-line, duel
alloy, hand-forged birdcage from Taipei. You don’t get those for free."
"I see," Larry says, "How much did it cost?" "Two
hundred fifty dollars out the door," Balki answers, "Cousin, I am
totally stoked! It’s going to be great for us to have a birdie."
"Whoa, Balki . . . we are not
going to have a birdie," Larry clarifies, "This is your bird. That
means you’ll feed it, you’ll clean it . . . " "I’ll teach it how
to talk," Balki adds. "Is that really necessary?" Larry asks.
"Oh yes, Cousin!" Balki smiles, much to Larry’s consternation,
"Cousin, I’ve always wanted a pet that could talk to me. In fact, on
Mypos I taught my hamster sign language. He was very good at it. Unfortunately
he had very little to say. But I have high hopes for Yeorgi." "Yeorgi?"
Larry asks. "Yeah, I named him after my favorite goat on Mypos," Balki
explains. "Ah, well that’s quite an honor," Larry says, "I
would’ve thought you would have saved that for your first born." "Cousin, jump into the twentieth century," Balki says, rolling his
eyes, "We don’t name our children after goats. We name them after
sheep."
The next scene begins with an establishing
shot of the apartment building with snow falling and the words "Two Weeks
Later" on the screen. Inside the apartment, Balki is sitting in his
Spiderman pajamas and robe with Yeorgi sitting on top of his cage on the dining
table. "Okay, Yeorgi," Balki prompts, holding out a treat, "Ah
one, ah two, one, two, three, four . . . " Balki starts to sing, "If
you’re blue and you don’t know where to go to why don’t you go where
fashion sits . . . ?" He points to Yeorgi, who squawks, "Puttin’ on
the Ritz!" Balki gives Yeorgi the treat and exclaims, "Wonderful!
Good, good. Are you sure you don’t have show business in your blood?"
"Don’t be ridiculous. Don’t be ridiculous," Yeorgi replies. Balki
laughs at Yeorgi’s joke. "Okay, let’s try it again," Balki
suggests, and he again prompts, "Ah one, two, one, two, three, four . . .
"
Larry has walked out of his bedroom,
wearing a robe and looking. "Balki . . . Balki, it’s two o’clock in the
morning. Could you keep it down? I’m trying to sleep." "Oh, I’m
sorry for all the noise, Cousin, but that’s what happens when birds of a
feather party together." Balki laughs at his own joke. "Balki, this
just isn’t working out," Larry complains. "Cousin, what do you
mean?" Balki asks. "Look, I admit the first few days he was here it
was cute," Larry says, "The two of you watching TV together, the two
of you playing board games together, Yeorgi helping you with your homework.
But
it isn’t cute any more. I haven’t slept for the past four nights because of
this stupid, noisy bird." "Cousin! Cousin!" Balki protests,
leading Larry away from the table, "Don’t talk like that in front of
Yeorgi. I don’t want him exposed to this negative energy. In fact, Cousin, I
think you owe Yeorgi an apology."
"Balki, I am not apologizing to a
bird," Larry insists, "I don’t do that." "Cousin, it hasn’t
escaped my notice that in the two weeks since we’ve had Yeorgi you haven’t
once picked him up to play with him," Balki notes, "In fact . . . I
haven’t seen you give him any quality time at all." Balki starts to pout.
"Well, Balki, you’re right," Larry says sarcastically, "How
could I have been such an insensitive lout? You know, why don’t I take off a
couple of days from work next week and Yeorgi and I can do some real
bonding." "I think that would go a long way with him," Balki
smiles, taking Larry seriously. "Balki, I don’t want to bond with a
bird," Larry clarifies, "I want to go to sleep. Now do something about
Yeorgi before I do."
"Well, Cousin, if that’s the way
you feel, fine," Balki says with disappointment, "But I have to tell
you this comes as a blow. I was hoping my two best friends in the world would
hit it off. I know Yeorgi’s made an effort. But it takes two, Cousin . . . it
takes two. So I’ll just keep Yeorgi in my bedroom, you won’t be able to hear
him." "Thank you," Larry sighs, "I’m going to sleep."
Larry turns to go back to his bedroom as Balki starts for the dining table.
"Goodnight, Shorty," Yeorgi calls. Larry turns, incensed, saying,
"That’s it! That’s it!" and he starts for Yeorgi but Balki stops
him. "No, no, Cousin, Cousin, Cousin . . . eh . . . eh . . . Shorty was the
name of the man at the pet store." It’s obvious Balki is lying, and he
makes it even clearer when he adds, "Yeah! That’s it!"
The
next day, the weather is still snowy
and icy. Inside the apartment, Larry is standing by the fireplace which has
smoke billowing from it into the living room. Larry is fanning at the smoke with
a magazine in one hand while he holds the phone with the other. He has the
receiver cradled to his ear. "Yeah, hello? Is this Johan from Jumpin’
Jiminy Chimney Sweeps? Yeah listen, you . . . you were just out to clean my
chimney and I . . . I just tried to start a fire and the chimney is still
clogged. Yeah, could you send somebody out right away? There . . . there’s
enough smoke in here for us to shoot a rock video." Larry hangs up the
phone. Balki enters through the front door and exclaims, "Wwowww!
There’s
enough smoke in here to shoot a rock video!" Balki starts to sing Madonna’s
"Express Yourself" as he dances to his bedroom. "What you need is
a big, strong hand which will take you to your higher ground . . . "
"Balki, we’re not shooting a rock
video," Larry says, "I tried to start a fire again and the chimney is
still clogged." Larry walks into the kitchen to work on dinner.
Balki comes
out of his room and looks around. "Cousin, have you seen Yeorgi?
He’s not
in his cage." "Well, I try never to know where Yeorgi is," Larry
says as he puts an empty plate on the counter. "Yeorgi?" Balki calls,
still looking, "I must have left the cage open when I was giving him his
herbal sponge bath." "Well, he’s gotta be here someplace,"
Larry says, reaching down to take a pan out of the oven. "Yeah, he’s
probably hiding from you," Balki says, looking under the coffee table,
"You don’t like him and he knows it." "He does?" Larry
asks. "Yeah," Balki confirms. "Well, what’s he think I’m
gonna do?" Larry asks, "Pop him in the microwave?" Larry places a
small roasted game hen on the plate.
Balki turns around and sees the chicken
and gasps in horror, reaching down to pick up the cooked hen and starting to
cry. "No, Balki . . . Balki," Larry says, taking the hen back,
"This is dinner." Balki cries out, looking like he might throw up.
"No, no, I mean . . . I mean it’s not Yeorgi! This isn’t even a bird we
know." Larry sets the hen back on the plate. "Then where’s Yeorgi?"
Balki asks. "Well, I . . . I don’t know," Larry answers, "The
doors are closed. He’s gotta be here somewhere. It’s not like he flew out
the window." Balki looks to the window, which is open. Larry and Balki
share a startled look. "You left the window open?" Balki cries,
running to the window. "Well, Balki, I just opened the window to let the
smoke out," Larry explains. Balki crawls through the window into the fire
escape, calling, "Yeorgi! Yeorgi!" out into the snowy, freezing
street. The scene fades to black.
Act two begins several hours later.
Balki
is sitting on the fire escape with his knees pulled up to his body, still
calling out, "Yeorgi! Yeorgi!" even though his voice is hoarse and
weak and his face doesn’t move. Larry exits the bathroom, wearing his heavy
coat and carrying a hair dryer. "Balki, you’ve been out there for
hours," Larry says, stopping to plug in the hair dryer, "You . . . you
must be freezing. Now, you’re coming in here before you freeze to death."
Larry reaches out the window and grabs Balki, who is frozen into a ball. He tips
Balki onto his side so he can pull him in through the window. Larry pulls him
onto the little bookcase and then pulls the bookcase, with Balki on it, over to
the dining table. He moves Balki from the bookcase onto the table, then puts the
bookcase back in its place.
"Balki, I am so so sorry," Larry
offers, pulling Balki up so that he is sitting up again, "You know . . .
" Larry picks up the hair dryer and turns it on, using it to defrost Balki.
" . . . if I had known that . . . that Yeorgi was out of his cage, I . . .
I never would have opened the window." Balki slowly starts to move his
fingers and hand, then stretches out his legs. "Don’t worry," Larry
comforts Balki, "I . . . I’m sure that Yeorgi has found some other
parrot-loving family and he’ll be just fine in his new home." Larry
sticks the running hair dryer inside Balki’s coat and turns to close the
window. "Dnn hhhhh eee iiiooooh! Dnn hhhhh eee iiiooooh! Dnn hhhhh eee
iiiooooh!" Balki cries urgently through his frozen lips. Larry turns back
to him worriedly. "Balki, what is it?" Larry asks, then he rubs Balki’s
cheeks vigorously to get his mouth to defrost, "What are you trying to
say?"
"Don’t close the window!"
Balki cries, "We have to leave the window open so that when Yeorgi comes
home he can fly right in." Larry removes the hair dryer from Balki’s coat
and turned it off. "Balki, it’s ten degrees below zero outside,"
Larry points out. "All the more reason to leave the window open,"
Balki says, "He’ll want to get inside quickly. In fact, I’m going to
stay right here . . . " Balki slowly lowers himself off the table and then
reaches back awkwardly to grab one of the chairs and pull it next to the window
so he can sit down. " . . . to welcome him when he comes home."
"Balki
. . . Balki, what if Yeorgi doesn’t come home?" Larry asks gently. "Why he wouldn’t come home?" Balki asks, "All his stuff is
here. Besides, it’s Friday night. He never misses Stupid Pet Tricks on
Letterman." Balki starts his vigil by the window, much to Larry’s
frustration.
The next morning, Larry exits his bedroom
wearing layers of clothing and a wool cap. He has his arms wrapped around him
and heads for the kitchen, but stops when he sees Balki still sitting by the
open window. Balki is bundled as well, wearing a hood over his head and holding
a blanket around him, but he looks barely conscious. There is a coating of frost
on the side of the nearby furniture facing the window. "Balki?" Larry
asks with surprise, walking over to him, "Balki?" "Yeah,
Cousin?" Balki replies, shivering. "Have you been up all night?"
Larry asks. "Yeah," Balki confirms, turning his head to Larry so we
can see the one side of his face is also frosted, "No . . . no sign of
Yeorgi. But . . . I did meet a couple of nice pigeons. They’re going to ask
around." Larry sits down at the dining table where Balki has his breakfast
waiting. "Balki, it’s . . . it’s freezing in here!" Larry
complains.
"Eat your oatmeal, Cousin.
It’ll
warm you up," Balki suggests. Larry reaches down to lift the spoon out of
the bowl and the oatmeal comes up with it in a frozen clump. "Don’t you
think if Yeorgi were gonna come back he’d be here by now?" Larry asks.
"I don’t know, Cousin," Balki replies, "Single bird . . . big
town." "Listen, Balki, sooner or later you’re gonna have to face the
fact that Yeorgi may be gone for good," Larry states. Balki turns a
scolding finger on Larry. "Cousin, you can check your negativity at the
door! I have faith that Yeorgi’s going to come home. And let me tell you this
. . . I’m not going to rest until he does!" Balki promptly slumps over,
asleep. "Balki? Balki?" Larry asks, then moans as he gets up to get
Balki up, saying, "All right, come on. Come on, come on." He pushes
Balki up, awakening him. Larry then leads Balki to his bedroom. "You are
exhausted," Larry says, "You’re going to bed."
"No, wait wait wait," Balki
cries, stopping, "Wait, wait, Cousin, Cousin, Cousin . . . I . . . I can’t
. . . someone has to be here to . . . to sit by the window and welcome Yeorgi
home." "I’ll wait for him," Larry promises, "You go to
bed." "Thank you," Balki says, "I just hope he hasn’t
hooked up with some crows and picked up bad habits." Balki motions like a
worried Jewish mother and then heads to his bedroom. As soon as Balki closes his
bedroom door, Larry turns to try to close the window, but it doesn’t budge.
Balki walks back out of his bedroom, calling, "Cousin?" Larry turns
away from the window quickly. "By the way," Balki continues, "I
nailed the window open so the wind wouldn’t blow it shut." "Good
idea," Larry forces a smile, then adds, "Get some sleep." Balki
goes back into his bedroom.
There is a knock at the door and Larry
goes to answer it. Jennifer is there, wearing her coat and scarf. "Hi," she says, "I’m going
to the bakery.
Do you want any . . .
?" Jennifer stops, looking startled. "Larry, it’s freezing in here.
What’s going on?" "Well, Yeorgi flew away last night and Balki won’t
close the window until he comes back," Larry explains. "Comes
back?" Jennifer says, "It’s ten below out there." "Well,
tell me about it," Larry sighs, "By now Yeorgi is a bird-sicle lying
beak up somewhere." "Oh, that’s terrible," Jennifer sighs,
"Poor Balki. Maybe you should get him another bird." "Balki doesn’t
want another bird," Larry insists, "He wants Yeorgi." "Well,
you could get him a bird that looks just like Yeorgi . . . maybe he won’t know
the difference," Jennifer suggests. Larry thinks about this, then replies,
"Nah, it wouldn’t work. As soon as Balki found out that the bird couldn’t
talk he’d know it wasn’t Yeorgi." "Well, it’s easily
explained," Jennifer says, "The trauma of being lost coupled with the
intense cold caused temporary amnesia. It happens with tropical birds."
Larry looks surprised, asking, "It
does?" "Well . . . you believed it, didn’t you?" Jennifer
points out. "You are devious," Larry notes, "I like that in a
woman." "My friend Jack owns a pet store," Jennifer says, "I’ll
go down there, see if he has a bird like Yeorgi, if he does I’ll buy it and
your troubles are over." "Jack?" Larry asks suspiciously.
"Larry, he’s seventy-nine years old!" Jennifer informs him. "Oh," Larry smiles, then asks, "How tall is he?"
"Larry
. . . " "I’m sorry, I’m sorry," Larry offers, "I’m
freezing and . . . and I’m not thinking straight. Just call me as soon as you
get back." "I will," Jennifer promises, then she says, "You
know, um . . . you’re kind of cute when you’re jealous." Jennifer steps
forward and kisses Larry on the lips. "And Larry, don’t worry about
Jack," she adds, "You’re a much better kisser than he is."
Jennifer exits, leaving Larry to ponder that last statement.
Later that day, Larry is on the phone.
"You found a bird?" he asks into the receiver, "That’s great!
Thank you, Jennifer. I’ll be right up to get him." Larry hangs up the
phone as Balki exits his bedroom holding a blanket around him. "Cousin, why
aren’t you at the window?" Balki asks. "I’m walking off a
cramp," Larry explains, limping on one leg and crying, "Ow! Ooh, ow!
Ooh, ow! Ooh, oh! There, it’s gone." Balki heads for the window, asking,
"No sign of Yeorgi yet?" "Well no, not yet," Larry says,
"But I got a feeling something’s gonna pop real soon." "Cousin,
the mandatory twenty-nine hour waiting period is up," Balki explains,
"Yeorgi is officially a missing pet . . . and that means there’s only one
thing to be done." Balki heads for his bedroom. "We have to go for
broke . . . we have to pull out all the stops . . . "
Balki returns carrying Yeorgi’s empty
cage on a stand. " . . . we have to take the bull by the corns.
It’s time
. . . for the Vingi Vingi Bingi." "The Vingi Vingi Bingi?" Larry
asks. "The Vingi Bingi Bingi," Balki repeats, "The Myposian chant
for runaway pets. I didn’t want to use it earlier. It’s quite potent.
We
could attract every runaway dog and cat in the neighborhood." "Well, I
think that’s an excellent idea," Larry states. "Well, now don’t
you . . . " Balki starts to argue, then realizes what Larry has said,
"You do?" "Oh yeah," Larry assures him, "You know, I
don’t usually go in for this chant stuff but I have a feeling this one’s
gonna work. Yeah, I think there’s a good chance that this chant will bring
back your bird." "Great, Cousin! Then, you want to join me?
You can do
the backup, I’ll teach you the steps."
"Yeah, tempting, Balki, but I gotta
run," Larry says, heading for the door. "Cousin, where you
going?" Balki asks. "Well, they’re, uh . . . salting Seventh Street,
and you know how I love to watch that." Larry steps outside the door then
prompts Balki, "Come on, Balki! You’re cutting into your chant time!
Five, six, seven, eight . . . " Balki begins to perform the chant, bouncing
around the apartment in a strange dance and singing, "Hoo ha, hoo ha ha hoo,
hoo ha ha, hoo ha ha hoo, hoo ha, hoo ha ha hoo, hoo ha hoo ha hey! Vingi vingi
bingi yingi . . . " Larry watches this until Balki has circled the living
room, the last half on his knees, and ends up holding on to the stand with
Yeorgi’s cage. Looking stunned but not saying a word, Larry leaves.
Later, we see Larry making his way down
the fire escape from Jennifer and Mary Anne’s apartment, carrying a cage which
contains another red parrot. "Here we go . . . here we go . . . good birdie
. . . good birdie," Larry calms the bird. Larry slowly opens the cage door
and encourages the bird to climb out onto his arm. "Yeah, here we go . . .
good birdie . . . come here . . . come here . . . " Once the bird is on his
arm, Larry slowly turns to the window. We can see Balki standing by the empty
cage inside. "Yes, yes . . . good birdie . . . all right now . . . all
right. Find the Balki. Okay? Find the Balki," Larry coaxes, pointing toward
Balki. "Find the Balki . . . go on." Suddenly the parrot takes flight
but doesn’t fly through the window. Instead it takes off away from the fire
escape. "Oh! No . . . no!" Larry gasps, following the flight of the
bird as it circles around, "No! No! Come back! Come back!
No! Oh!"
Larry looks hopeful and motions,
"Come here. Come on. Yes. Come on . . . come on . . . come on . . .
ooh!" The parrot lands on 
the railing of the fire escape right in front of
Larry. Larry reaches out for him as the bird walks along the railing away from
him. "Come here . . . come on . . . " The parrot squawks at him.
"Come here, birdie. Come to Larry," Larry continues to try to coax the
bird closer, "Come on." Larry almost makes a grab for the parrot but
it squawks sharply at him. "Come here," Larry says, "Come to
Larry before I ring your little birdie neck. All right. All right."
Larry
finally makes a grab for the bird, snatching him up and then throwing him in
through the window. The parrot flies across the living room and lands on Balki’s
head. "Yeorgi!" Balki cries happily, giving the bird a treat, "Yeorgi!
You came back!" Out on the fire escape, Larry cries, "Yes!
Yes!!" Just as Larry looks up, a huge clump of snow falls and lands right in his
face.
Inside the apartment, Balki takes the bird
off his head and puts it in the cage, scolding, "You know you had me
worried sick? Now, go in there. Go in there. You get in your cage, young man.
Get in there. Now . . . I hope you know it’s going to be a long time before I
open this cage again. That’s a privilege you’re going to have to earn.
I
hope someday you have a bird of your own so you’ll know what you put me
through. Now, we say no more about it. The important thing is you’re
okay." Larry enters through the front door. "Cousin!
Cousin!"
Balki exclaims, pulling Larry over to the cage, "Yeorgi came back!"
"Oh my Lord! It’s a miracle!" Larry reacts, "Well, I wouldn’t
believe it if I wasn’t seeing it with my own eyes. Well, just let me look at
the two of you together again. Well, I just want to savor this moment.
Great,
okay, let’s close the window and get this place warmed up." Larry goes to
pull the nails out of the window frame.
"Come on, Yeorgi," Balki says,
"The first words I want to hear out of your mouth are ‘I’m sorry.’
Come on, we all make mistakes." Balki looks concerned as Larry finishes
closing the window and walks over to him. "Cousin . . . something’s
wrong. He’s not talking." "Well, that’s easily explained,"
Larry begins, "The trauma of being lost coupled with the intense cold
caused temporary amnesia. Happens in tropical birds." "It does?"
Balki asks. "Oh sure," Larry insists, "Ask Jennifer. I’m sure
with some time and loving care you can re-teach him." "Cousin, I don’t
think this is Yeorgi," Balki says. "W . . . well, of course it’s
Yeorgi," Larry argues, "Wha . . . what other bird would be zany enough
to fly around in weather like this? You crazy bird you!" "No, his . .
. his body language is different," Balki notes, "And . . . he seems to
be carrying more weight in his face."
"Well, he’s probably just retaining
water," Larry offers. The bird suddenly squawks and says, "Buenos dias!"
He follows it up with, "Mi casa es su casa." Balki looks at Larry
suspiciously. "Oh yeah, oh, Balki, didn’t I tell you? Oh no, he always
spoke Spanish. He just never did while you were around." Larry leans to
speak to the bird, saying, "Hola! Como esta usted." Balki is giving
Larry a look. "You’re not buying any of this, are you?" Larry asks.
"Cousin, who is this stranger in Yeorgi’s cage?" Balki asks. "All right, it’s not Yeorgi," Larry confesses, "But he was with
Yeorgi when he died." "Cousin!" Balki gasps. "Oh all right,
Balki, look . . . " Larry sighs, "Look, I asked Jennifer to go out to
a pet store and buy a bird that looked like Yeorgi and then I came down the fire
escape and threw him through the window. I should’ve realized you’d know the
difference."
"Well, thanks for trying so
hard," Balki offers, then he walks past Larry toward the window. "Balki,
what are you doing?" Larry 
asks.
"I’m waiting for Yeorgi,"
Balki explains, opening the window and taking a seat next to it again. Larry
pulls out another chair and sits down as well. "Balki . . . Balki, listen
to me." Balki continues to look out the window, so Larry reaches over and
turns him around to face him. "Balki . . . listen to me! Now Yeorgi is not
coming back. Now I’m not saying that anything bad has happened to him.
In
fact, he might be with a very nice family someplace. But wherever he is, he is
not coming back here. Never. As in forever. He’s history.
He’s dead." Suddenly, Yeorgi flies in the window and
says, "Don’t be ridiculous! Don’t be ridiculous!" "Yeorgi,
you came back! You came back!" Balki reaches down to get a treat for him,
then coaxes him off Larry’s head and onto his finger.
"You must be
hungry. Here . . . here . . . come here. Come here, come here, whoops . . . come
here. You see, Cousin, I told you he’d come back." "Well, I . . . I
don’t believe it," Larry says, "I . . . I really didn’t think
there was a chance we’d ever see Yeorgi again." "Cousin, reciting
the Vingi Vingi Bingi works every time," Balki explains. "I’m just
glad your bird came back," Larry says, "And if you want to believe the
chant had something to do with it, well that’s just fine. But those of us in
the civilized world know that this was just a coincidence." There is
suddenly a commotion of barking and meowing from outside. Larry gets up to look
out the window in shock. "Oh my Lord . . . there must be hundreds of cats
and dogs out there." "Really, Cousin?" Balki asks, "Why,
that’s quite a coincidence, wouldn’t you say?" On Balki’s smile and
Larry’s stunned look the episode ends.
Script Variations:
There were a few things in the Shooting Draft script dated February 22, 1990 which
didn't make it into the final episode:
- In
the first scene, when Balki tells Larry to guess what he's got and Larry
guesses, "A parrot," Balki says, "Wrong. It's a
parrot." After saying "Funny, funny story," Balki says,
"On the way home, I stopped by that pet store on Halstead, Waldo's Wings 'N
Things. And well, you know how when you see a parrot and something just
clicks? Well, that's what happened to me when I saw this bundle of red
feathers. Luckily it was mutual. Well, when the salesman saw that,
he gave me the parrot for free. Pretty good deal, huh?"
- Instead of saying,
"I'm totally stoked," Balki says, "I'm totally jazzed."
- The scene with Balki
and Yeorgi at the dining table was supposed to take place on the counter.
Balki is playing the shell game with three paper cups. The bird is
squawking. "Okay, try it again," Balki says, "Watch the
seed. Around and around it goes. Where it stops, nobody
knows." Balki stops moving the cups. "Alright, which one
is it under?" The bird squawks. Balki picks up a cup. The
bird seed is under it. "You win again," Balki smiles, "That
makes the score Yeorgi: eight, Balki: two." The bird squawks
loudly. "Alright, nine to two," Balki admits, "Have you
played this game before?" This is when Yeorgi says "Don't be
ridiculous. Don't be ridiculous." Balki does not sing with
Yeorgi in this script.
- When Larry comes out
to complain about the noise, Balki tells him, "Sorry for all the noise,
Cousin. Yeorgi's just a party animal." Balki laughs at his own
joke and exclaims, "Where do I come up with them?"
- After Larry says he
doesn't apologize to a bird, Balki says, "Oh, I see. This isn't about
noise. This is about relating outside of your species."
"What?" Larry asks. Then Balki notes how Larry hasn't picked up
Yeorgi and played with him.
- After Balki makes up
the story about Shorty being the name of the man at the pet store, Larry turns
and goes to his bedroom. Balki turns to Yeorgi and says, "Now, Yeorgi,
we've been over this. You know he's very sensitive about his height.
But I thought it was funny." "Where do I come up with
them?" Yeorge squawks. Balki then takes Yeorgi to his room.
- When Balki enters
the smoke-filled apartment, he doesn't repeat Larry's comment about it being
enough to smoke to shoot a rock video. Instead he says, coughing,
"Boy, this Chicago smog is getting a little out of hand. I'd better
tell Yeorgi no bird aerobics today." "It's not smog. It's
smoke," Larry explains, then tells how he tried to start a fire.
- Balki says he gave
Yeorgi a sponge bath, not an herbal sponge bath.
- Oddly enough, the
beginning of the scene says that Larry is putting take-out chicken on
plates. But later in the scene he takes a cornish game hen out of the
oven. The take-out chicken was probably the way the scene was originally
written, and this direction wasn't taken out when it was changed to the game
hen.
- After Larry says he
would never have left the window open if he'd known Yeorgi was out of his cage,
Larry asks, "Can you forgive me?" Balki, even though frozen,
nods. Larry then says, "Thanks," before continuing.
- After Larry promises
he'll wait for Yeorgi, Balki says, "Thanks, Cousin. I'm so tired I
could eat a horse. Do you promise . . . " Balki falls asleep on
his feet. "Balki!" Larry calls. "To wait here at the
window for Yeorgi till I get back?" Balki finishes upon waking. Larry
promises. Balki also falls asleep halfway to the bedroom when he turns to
go there.
- When Jennifer tells
Larry about her friend Jack's pet store she adds, "He has plenty of
parrots."
- When Larry says he
has to leave, Larry says, "Tempting, Balki. But I got to run an
errand." "Where are you going?" Balki asks. "Uh,
to run an errand," Larry says, searching for an answer. Then he
distracts Balki by prompting him to do his chant.
- When Yeorgi returns, the directions say he lands on the window sill and not
Larry's head.
- After Larry says he
didn't think there was a chance they would ever see Yeorgi again, Balki says,
"I just couldn't give up." "And you were right," Larry
says, "You taught me what faith could accomplish." "Well,
faith and reciting the infallible chant for lost pets," Balki
corrects. The rest of the show is the same.
The scripts for the TGIF promos which aired March 2, 1990 were included in this script and shot after the filming of this episode. You can view the script pages for these promos below and you can also view these spots on our YouTube Channel!
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