Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 90 - A Blast from the Past

First Air Date: February 16, 1990
Filming Date: February 8, 1990
Nielsen Rating: 14.1 HH

Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: John B. Collins
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons

Guest Cast:
George Wyner: Marvin Berman
John Welsh: Dr. Shore
Lawrence E. Mintz: Phone Man
Richard Hoyt-Miller: Federal Agent

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode.

Balki-isms:
"Hot diggity donuts!"
"Because I’ve got some news that’s gonna blow your nose!"
"Cousin, first of all . . . Marvin is not a certified homicidal mechanic."
"For keeping him from being blown to figurines."
"I can’t believe what my eyes are hearing!"
"Cousin, your imagination is playing trick-or-treat with your mind."
"But don’t worry because if we can hold on ‘til tomorrow, Marvin will be in the Witness Projectile Program."
"Marvin, I’m gonna miss ya, ya big lugnut!"

Don’t be ridiculous: Said once in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Oh my Lord!"
"Oh po po po . . . "
"Wwowww!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry grabs Balki by the shirt front
Larry tries to put the chain on the door but keeps failing, then gives up
Larry speaks in a Mexican accent, a la Jose Vasquez

Songs: "Ghostbusters" - sung by Balki as "Dirtbusters" as he’s vacuuming the living room furniture.

Interesting facts:
- Once again Balki and Larry hosted the night of TGIF episodes for the evening, introducing episodes of Full House, Family Matters and Just the Ten of Us, as well as this episode of their own series.  You can now view these spots on our YouTube Channel.
- The title of the episode is a popular expression, usually referring to something that brings back a wave of nostalgia.
- The week this episode was filmed, the description for it was already listed in the next week's edition of TV Guide!
- George Wyner reprises his role as the off-balance Marvin Berman whose penchant for dynamite nearly got Balki and Larry killed in the episode Dog Day Midafternoon which aired earlier in the season.  A long-time character actor, George Wyner is still racking up credits, appearing this year in episodes of Bones and Boston Legal as well as the upcoming film How to Be a Serial Killer.
- This is the second time a criminal would come back into Balki and Larry’s lives after a run-in which led to the person’s arrest or, as in this case, evaluation.  In the second season, Balki and Larry were instrumental in putting away Vince Lucas, who later returned to stay with them in their apartment after his release.  In both cases, Balki was the one who maintained a friendly relationship with the criminals, much to Larry’s horror.
- John Welsh, who played Dr. Shore in this episode, also appeared in the film My Favorite Year as Cubby Brown.  He also had a recurring roles in the series What's Happening!! as "Big Earl" Barnett and in Night Court as Dr. Friedman.
- Lawrence E. Mintz is actually a prolific writer, having working on the series What's Happening!!, Step by Step and Going Places, not to mention Family Matters, where he also worked as a supervising producer.  He has written several books on comedy and also works as a teacher.
- One would almost except to see the series Doogie Howser M.D. in the credits of actor Richard Hoyt-Miller after Balki comments that he looks like the neighbor from that series and the audience reacts so strongly.  But in fact that joke was written before the role was even cast and his name is not listed in that series at all.  He has appeared in many other series, such as Falcon Crest, Hill Street Blues, Highway to Heaven, Murder, She Wrote and more recently The Bold and the Beautiful.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- As in the flashback within the episode The Pen Pal, the flashback shown within this episode from its precursor, Dog Day Midafternoon, includes footage that wasn't originally seen in that episode.  The different scenes were shot specifically for this episode with the crew recreating the setup from Dog Day Midafternoon for the new "flashback" footage.

Synopsis:
The episode begins one evening in the apartment.  Balki is vacuuming the living room furniture and singing his own version of the song "Ghostbusters."  "If there’s something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call?  Dirtbusters!"  Balki dances around as he sings as Larry enters through the front door.  " . . . and it don’t look good," Balki continues singing, "Who ya gonna call?  Dirtbusters!"  Balki shoots the hose of the vacuum like a proton pack as Larry hangs up his jacket and walks to Balki, carrying a white paper bag.  "I ain’t ‘fraid of no dirt!" Balki finishes, then points to Larry’s mouth and says, "Oh, Cousin!  I see you ate a donut on the way home!"  Balki turns off the vacuum cleaner and sets down the hose.

"I brought you your favorite," Larry tells Balki, "Chocolate covered."  "Hot diggity donuts!" Balki says happily, taking the bag and setting it on the coffee table, "But I can’t eat them right now and I’ll tell you why."  He pushes Larry back to sit on the couch and sits next to him.  "Because I’ve got some news that’s gonna blow your nose," Balki continues.  "What’s that?" Larry asks.  "Cousin, Marvin is on his way over here to take us out to dinner," Balki answers.  "Marvin?  Marvin who?" Larry asks.  "Marvin Berman," Balki explains, "Don’t you remember him?"  "Marvin Berman . . . " Larry thinks, trying to remember, " . . . Marvin Berman . . . "  Suddenly Larry’s eyes open wide in horror and he screams, "Marvin Berman?"  The scene fades into a flashback from the episode "Dog Day Midafternoon."

Marvin is standing between the guys and the parking garage exit.  "All right, you stay.  We’re leaving," Larry says.  "Nobody is going anywhere," Marvin states.  "Oh, and how are you going to stop us?" Larry asks.  "With this," Marvin answers, opening his coat to reveal a vest made of dynamite sticks with a timer strapped to his chest.  "Oh my Lord!" Larry cries, "He’s wearing a dynamite vest!"  The scene wipe dissolves to a later time when Larry and Balki are tied to a rolling chair.  "Marvin, why are you doing this over a silly article?" Larry cries.  "Because it gave all the credit to that idiot boss of mine," Marvin complains, "when the real mastermind behind the money laundering scheme . . . was me."  "You?" Larry says with surprise.  "Yes!" Marvin confirms, "I set up the dummy corporations . . . I set up the fake bank accounts . . . I picked out the office furniture."

The scene wipe dissolves again to when Marvin has untied Larry and Balki and is frantically trying to turn off the timer on the bomb.  "Guys . . . guys, I can’t turn off the timer!" Marvin cries, "Oh God . . . I’m no good under pressure.  Oh!  I . . . I . . . I . . . I . . . I . . . I’m . . . I’m a fainter."  Marvin faints backwards onto Balki’s worktable.  "No!  No, no, Marvin!  Marvin!" Larry cries, running with Balki to the prone would-be bomber to try to revive him, "Marvin, wake up!"  Balki looks at the timer.  "Cousin, we’d better do something soon.  We’ve only got twenty seconds left."  "Twenty seconds?" Larry gasps.  Balki look at the timer again and reads the countdown, "Eighteen . . . seventeen . . . sixteen . . . fifteen . . . "  Larry grabs Balki by the shirt and starts shaking him.  "Balki!  We’re gonna die!  We’re gonna die!  We’re going to die!"  The scene then dissolves back to the present where Larry has Balki down across the couch and is throttling him in a similar fashion.

"How could you do this to me?" Larry screams, "How could you invite a certified homicidal maniac into our home?"  "I can’t talk while you’re doing that," Balki croaks.  Larry releases his grip.  "Thank you," Balki offers.  They both sit up.  "Cousin, first of all . . . Marvin is not a certified homicidal mechanic," Balki explains, "He’s a certified public accountant."  "Balki, he tried to blow us up," Larry reminds him.  "Oh, is that what you’re worried about?" Balki asks, "Marvin has kicked the dynamite habit.  His therapist says he’s completely cured and he just wants to come over and take us out to dinner as a way of saying thanks."  "Thanks for what?" Larry asks.  "For keeping him from being blown to figurines," Balki explains.  "Balki, I really need some time to think about this," Larry says.  "Well, of course you do, don’t be ridiculous," Balki agrees, "Take all the time you need."

There is a knock at the door.  "Time’s up, that’s Marvin," Balki says, leading Larry to get up from the couch with him and walk to the front door.  Balki opens the door to reveal Marvin Berman standing in the doorway.  "Marvin!" Balki says, giving the man a hug.  "Hello, Balki!" Marvin says happily, then turns to Larry and holds his arms open, saying, "Hi, Larry!"  "Hi, Marvin," Larry waved cordially and from a distance.  "Oh, it’s good to see you guys," Marvin sighs.  "Oh boy, it’s good to see you, too," Balki replies, closing the front door.  "Listen guys, I have something I have to show you," Marvin says, reaching up to grab the lapels of his coat, "I am wearing . . . a dynamite vest!"  Marvin pulls the coat open and Larry screams, "Oh!  Oh!" then looks closer and says, "Oh."  Marvin is simply wearing a nicely decorated vest like one of Balki’s.  "Gotcha," Marvin smiles.  "Oh, Marvin, you are some kidder!" Balki laughs.

"Well, Dr. Shore at the hospital told me if I could laugh at my problems I’d be able to handle them better," Marvin explains.  "Well, it kind of makes it rough on the rest of us, Marvin," a still-shaken Larry points out.  "Oh hey, I’m sorry, Larry," Marvin offers, "Listen, if it weren’t for you two guys I . . . I’d still be trying to solve my problems by blowing people up."  "Oh, Marvin, po po po po," Balki sighs, walking over and patting him on the back, "I’m sure after you exploded one bomb on your chest you’d see it wasn’t a solution."  "Maybe," Marvin sighs.  Larry looks incredulous.  "But you guys changed my life!" Marvin says, "You got me to give myself up, get psychiatric help, testify against my boss . . . who took all the credit for that money laundering scheme that was actually my idea!"  "Marvin," Larry checks him.  "I’m over that now!" Marvin smiles, then says, "Listen, I owe you guys a lot and the least I can do is take you out for a night on the town."

"Oh, Cousin, isn’t that nice?" Balki asks, pulling Larry and Marvin into his arms.  "Charming," Larry says, forcing a smile.  "Wait a minute," Marvin suddenly says, pulling a stick of dynamite out of his pocket, "What’s this?"  "Dynamite!" Larry screams, "Hit the deck!"  Larry grabs Balki and hurls them both to the floor behind the couch.  "Gotcha again!" Marvin smiles, "It’s chocolate."  Larry and Balki pop up behind the couch and Marvin leans over to show them.  "See?  Shtick of Dynamite.  The candy store also had a butterscotch hand grenade but I thought this was funnier."  Balki gets up and joins Marvin while Larry remains behind the couch.  "Oh, I tell you, the doctor was right," Marvin sighs, "Having a sense of humor makes life a blast."  Marvin laughs at his own pun.  "Oh, makes life a blast!" he chortles.  Balki doesn’t get it.  "Life . . . a . . . blast," Marvin spells out.  Balki laughs with Marvin, then turns to Larry and mouths, "I don’t get it," before laughing again.

Later that evening, Balki, Larry and Marvin return to the apartment.  They are all laughing and having a good time.  "Wait a minute!  Wait a minute!" Balki says, "I haven’t . . . I haven’t even told you the punch line yet.  So the guy turns around to the kangaroo and he says ‘Don’t look at me.  You’re the one with the pouch!"  They laugh hysterically over the punch line.  "I love marsupial humor," Balki sighs.  "Boy, am I glad I didn’t blow you guys up," Marvin says.  "Oh boy, I am, too," Balki agrees, "Hey . . . to celebrate the fact that we’re still alive, I’m gonna make some cocoa."  Balki runs to the kitchen.  Marvin hands his coat to Larry to hang up.  "Oh, ya know, Marvin, I . . . I gotta tell ya," Larry begins as they walk to the kitchen counter, "I . . . I was a little nervous at first."  "Oh," Marvin sighs.  "You are an okay guy," Larry continues.  "Aw!" Marvin scoffs, walking around to sit inside the kitchen.

"No, this evening has been a lot of fun!" Larry assures him.  "It sure has!" Marvin agrees, "You know, a lot of people told me I . . . I shouldn’t go out in public because they figured I’d be gunned down."  Larry is still laughing but stops suddenly.  "Marvin, you want marshmallows?" Balki asks.  "Two please," Marvin answers.  Balki drops two marshmallows into Marvin’s cup.  "Marvin, what do you mean you might be ‘gunned down?’" Larry asks.  "Oh, don’t worry about me," Marvin assures Larry, "Tomorrow I go into the government Witness Protection Program."  "Congratulations, Marvin," Balki smiles, then asks Larry, "Cousin, you want marshmallows?"  "One," Larry answers.  Balki tosses him a marshmallow which he catches.  "Thanks," Larry offer, then asks, "Marvin, who do you need to be protected from?  I thought all the people you testified against were sent to prison."

"All except two," Marvin corrects, "They couldn’t make a case against them."  He laughs then turns to Balki and asks, "Balki, which do you prefer?  The big marshmallows or the minis?"  "Oh, I like the big ones," Balki answers, "They last longer and every once in a while you come across one that looks like Tip O’Neill."  "Marvin, these two guys that you didn’t send to prison . . . aren’t they kind of upset with you?" Larry asks.  "Oh yeah," Marvin confirms, "But who cares?  They’re just a couple of enforcers."  Larry looks shocked but Marvin turns and talks to Balki again.  "Balki, just a suggestion . . . nutmeg."  "Love it!" Balki smiles, reaching into the cupboard to get the nutmeg.  "Enforcers?" Larry asks.  "Yeah," Marvin answers, "You know . . . gangsters . . . hit men who kill people."  Balki carries the pan of hot chocolate over to Marvin and begins to pour it into his cup.  "Who wants Sweet 'n Low?" Balki asks.  "Me!" Marvin answers.

"Well, Marvin, you shouldn’t be out in public!" Larry notes.  "Larry, there is nothing to worry about!" Marvin insists, "I have contacts."  "Contacts?  You mean you know people who will protect you from the mob?" Larry asks.  "No, I mean I’m wearing contacts," Marvin explains, "They change the color of my eyes.  Nobody will recognize me!"  Marvin turns to show Balki.  "Changes my whole appearance," he adds. Larry jumps up from his seat and runs around to Marvin, pulling him off his stool and leading him to the front door.  "Well, Marvin, you know, uh . . . it’s been very nice seeing you again and good luck in all your endeavors."  "Wait a minute! I . . . I haven’t had my cocoa yet!" Marvin points out.  "We’ll mail it to you," Larry says, giving Marvin his coat and pushing him out the door.

"I . . . I don’t believe what my eyes are hearing!" Balki cries.  Larry turns to Balki with exasperation.  Marvin pokes his head back in the door.  "Was it the nutmeg remark?" he asks, "I’m not married to the nutmeg!"  Larry closes the door on him again.  "Cousin!" Balki cries, reaching for the door, but Larry stops him.  "No, Balki, don’t you get it?  The mob is after this man!  They want to kill him and if we are with him they might want to kill us, too."  Marvin pops back in through the door.  "Are you saying you want me to leave?" he asks, "Because if you want me to leave just say you want me to leave."  "I want you to leave," Larry says.  "What are you saying?" Marvin asks.  Balki moves Larry away from the doorway and leads Marvin back inside to the counter.  "We’re saying we . . . we don’t want you to leave," Balki says, "Cousin . . . Cousin, your imagination is playing trick-or-treat with your mind.  We haven’t seen anyone that looks like they want to hurt Marvin."

"Of course, you wouldn’t see them," Marvin says, "No, no, no.  They’re professionals."  "That’s right!" Larry says, closing the door, "For all we know they could have been following us all night.  We . . . we don’t know if they’re watching us right now.  Oh my Lord!  The . . . the blinds are wide open!"  Larry runs to the windows and starts to try to lower the blinds but Balki walks after him and stops him.  Marvin follows to the window as well.  "Cousin, Cousin, Cousin, you are making a mountain out of a mohawk!" Balki scolds, pulling Larry away and looking out the window, "The next thing you’re going to say is that that big, humongous man standing across the street is a killer."  "Oh my God!" Marvin cries, "That looks like Max the Terminator!"  "It’s Arnold Schwarzenegger?" Balki cries, throwing open the window and calling, "Arnold!  Loved you in ‘Twins!’"  Larry pulls Balki back and shuts the window.

"No, no, no, no," Marvin says, "Max is the mob’s top hit man!  He’s the best!  This is really quite an honor."  "Well, you deserve it," Balki assures him.  "We’ve got to call the police!" Larry says, and he runs to the phone on the counter.  He picks up the receiver and tries to dial, calling, "Hello?  Hello?"  Larry looks shocked.  "The phone’s dead!  They cut the wires!"  "Well, they’re in big trouble now," Balki says, "They’ll have to answer to the phone company for this."  "We’ve gotta make a run for it," Larry says.  They head for the front door and run outside in a line, then immediately run back inside in the same line.  Larry closes the door and tries to lock the chain but fails.  "Cousin, why did we come back in?" Balki asks.  "Because there’s a man blocking the stairs," Larry explains.  "He must be one of the killers," Marvin adds, "He’s wearing a shoulder holster."  "Well, just because the man is a fashion maverick don’t mean he’s a bad person," Balki notes.  "A gun!" Larry cries, "He has a gun in the shoulder holster!"  "We’re trapped!" Marvin gasps, "We’re all gonna die!"  On their looks of panic the scene fades to black.

Act two begins exactly where act one left off.  "There’s a hit man on the street, another on the stairs . . . " Marvin notes, then he panics and mumbles, "I don’t wanna die.  I don’t wanna die.  I don’t wanna die."  "No, Marvin!  Marvin!  Marvin!"  Larry grabs him and tries to calm him down, "Pull yourself together!"  "Whoa!" Marvin cries, looking faint, "Oh, I don’t feel too good.  I’d better lie down.  I’m a fainter, you know."  Marvin lies down on the couch.  "It’s gonna be all right!  It’s gonna be all right!" Larry tells him, "We just have to find a way to get a message out of here."  "Cousin, if . . . if we were outdoors we could make a fire and send up smoke signals," Balki says.  "Yeah, well we’re not outdoors so . . . " Larry begins, then looks inspired and cries, "Signals!  Yes!"  "I’ll get the matches!" Balki shouts, running to the kitchen.  "You want me to start breaking up furniture?" Marvin cries, jumping off the couch and sweeping the coffee table clear in one motion, then acting as if he is going to start breaking it.

"No!  No!" Larry stops him, then calls, "Balki!" and motions for Balki to come back next to him, which Balki does.  Larry grabs both of them by the shirt and pulls them closer to him.  "Not smoke signals," he says, then releases them, "We’ll tap out a distress signal in Morse Code on the ceiling.  Jennifer and Mary Anne will hear it and call the police."  Larry starts to run to the closet but Balki and Marvin are still staring at the ceiling.  "Let’s go!" Larry insists, and they follow him.  "Jennifer and Mary Anne know Morse Code?" Marvin asks as Larry rummages in the closet.  "They’re flight attendants," Larry explains, emerging with a brook in his hand, "They learn all the codes . . . Morse, area, zip.  Now, we’ll send an SOS.  ‘S’ is dot-dash-dot."  "No, Cousin, it’s dot-dot-dot," Balki corrects.  "No, it’s dot-dash-dot," Larry insists.  "It’s dot-dot-dot."  "Dot-dash-dot."  "Dot-dot-dot."  "Dot-dash-dot."  "Dot-dot-dot."  "Dot-dash-dot."  "Cousin, Cousin . . . I used to work for Mypos Western Union, okay?" Balki says, taking the broom from Larry, "Dot-dot-dot."

"All right," Larry says, motioning for Balki to begin.  "Oh, wait," Larry says, eyeing the ceiling, and he steps back away from Balki and motions for him to proceed.  Balki taps three times on the ceiling.  On the third tap, a piece of plaster breaks off the ceiling above Larry’s head and lands on his face.  Larry gives Balki a look and Balki cringes at the sight of plaster dust on Larry’s face.  "Sorry," Balki offers, "I guess I overtapped."  There is a knock at the front door.  "Wow," Balki says, "That was quick.  I must be good."  Larry look worried and warns, "All right, careful . . . this could be a trick."  They walk to the door and Larry leans over and speaks in his Jose Vasquez voice, asking, "Who is it?"  "Larry, stop clowning around!" Jennifer’s voice calls through the closed door.  Larry opens the door and pulls Mary Anne and Jennifer inside.  "Jennifer!  Mary Anne!  Get in here quick!" he urges, closing the door behind them.  "What’s all the screaming about?" Jennifer asks.

"Girls, go back upstairs," Balki says, "We’re trying to send you a message to call the police."  "Well, it’s too late now!" Larry points out.  "No, it isn’t, Cousin," Balki argues, "The police are open all night."  "Larry, what’s all this about the police?" Jennifer asks.  "Jennifer, I don’t want to alarm you but we are surrounded by killers," Larry replies.  "You’re kidding, right?" Jennifer asks.  "No, he’s serious," Marvin assures her.  "Who are you?" Jennifer asks.  "I’m Marvin Berman.  The man the killers are trying to kill," he smiles, "How do you do?"  "I’m Mary Anne," Mary Anne smiles, shaking hands with Marvin, "Nice to meet you."  "Someone’s trying to kill you?" Jennifer asks.  "Well, I think . . . I think I can clear this up," Balki offers, "You see, Marvin was a witness against the mob and they’re not taking it well, so they sent Arnold Schwarzenegger and the fashion victim down the hall to kill him.  But don’t worry because if we can hold on ‘til tomorrow, Marvin will be in the Witness Projectile Program."

"Marvin Berman!" Jennifer gasps, "Well, you’re the guy who tried to blow up Larry and Balki!"  "Guilty as charged," Marvin smiles with his arm around Balki’s shoulder and Balki gives him a playful punch to the stomach.  "Why don’t we just call the police?" Jennifer suggests.  "The phone lines have been cut," Larry answers.  "You mean we’re trapped?" Jennifer asks in horror.  "No we’re not," Mary Anne counters, "Someone could go up the fire escape, across the roof to the next building.  You could get help there."  "That might work," Marvin agrees, "Even if Max shoots, the falling body will draw attention."  "Well, somebody’s got to do something," Larry states, then after a moment he says, "I’m going."  "Be careful, Larry," Jennifer urges him.  Larry takes Jennifer’s hand and says, "Jennifer . . . if I don’t come back . . . promise me you’ll never marry."  "Gee, Larry," Jennifer sighs uncomfortably, "Never is a long time.  I’ll have to think about it."  "That’s good enough for me," Larry says, then takes a breath and adds, "Well, I guess this is it."

Larry bravely walks across the apartment to the kitchen window.  "There goes a brave man," Balki states, as Larry opens the window and steps out onto the fire escape, "A man who is willing to risk his life for his friends.  A man who is willing to fight any foe.  A man . . . who is coming back in the window."  Larry scrambles back through the window, looking panicked.  He runs to them, out of breath.  "There’s another man on the roof," Larry reports, "There’s no way out."  "Boy, I bet they wouldn’t treat me like this if I was wearing dynamite," Marvin growls.  There is a knock at the door.  Everyone cowers together.  "Anybody home?  It’s the phone man," a voice calls through the door.  "Oh, thank goodness it’s the phone man!" Mary Anne sighs, and she starts for the door.  "No, no, no!" Larry and Balki stop her.  "Mary Anne, it’s the oldest trick in the book," Larry explains, "They cut the phone lines and then they send in a killer posing as a repairman."

The man knocks on the door again.  "Well, what are we going to do?" Jennifer asks.  "All right, look," Larry suggests, "We’ll take him by surprise.  When he comes in, we’ll throw a blanket over him and tie him up.  Balki, you get the tape."  "Good idea, Cousin!  We’ll record the capture!" Balki agrees, turning away but Larry stops him.  "Not that kind of tape.  Get tape to tie him up."  Balki runs to the bookcase to get a roll of duct tape.  "All right, Jennifer and Mary Anne, don’t open the door ‘til I give you the signal," Larry instructs, "Marvin, stick with me."  Jennifer and Mary Anne stand by the door as Larry gets some blankets out of the closet.  The man outside the door knocks again and calls, "Anybody home?  It’s the phone man."  Larry carries the blankets over by the fireplace with Marvin and takes one, holding it open.  Balki stands a ways back from the doorway.  Jennifer and Mary Anne prepare themselves.  "Ready?" Larry asks.  They nod.  "Now," Larry says quietly.

Jennifer unlocks the door and opens it and she and Mary Anne step back.  "Won’t you come in?" Balki asks nicely.  "I’m here to eliminate a problem," the scary-looking man says as he steps through the doorway.  Larry and Marvin lunge at the man with a scream, throwing the blanket over him.  They hold the blanket on him as Balki uses the duct tape to tie him up as Larry and Marvin spin the man around.  "Balki, quick!  In the closet!" Larry yells.  Balki turns and runs into the closet, closing the door behind him.  Larry walks over to the closet and opens the door, reaching in to pull Balki out.  "Not you!  Him!  Him!" Larry snarls.  Larry and Balki help Marvin push the man into the closet and close the door.  "Now all we have to do is do that every time someone knocks on the door and we’re home free," Larry explains.  "I hope we don’t run out of blankets," Balki says.

There is another knock at the door and everyone again cowers together.  Larry grunts instructions to everyone and they take their positions once more.  Larry and Marvin grab another blanket and hold it up.  Larry nods, saying, "Right."  Jennifer opens the door, revealing an older man in a business suit.  "Won’t you come in?" Balki asks.  The man enters, saying, "Hello, I’m looking for Mr. Marvin . . . "  Larry and Marvin scream and jump at the man, throwing the blanket over his head.  Balki starts taping him up when two men enter behind them and draw their guns and hold up badges.  "Freeze!  FBI!" one of the men shouts.  Everyone stops in their tracks.  "Cousin, it’s the oldest trick in the book," Balki says, "They pose as FBI agents and then they come in and fix your phone."  The man pushes the blanket off of himself.  "Dr. Shore!" Marvin exclaims.  "You know him?" Larry asks.  "Shore?  Sure!" Marvin confirms.  The FBI men lower their guns.

"I’m a psychiatrist," Dr. Shore explains, "I’ve been working with Marvin for the past six months."  "So, these really are FBI agents," Marvin realizes, "You know, in this light he doesn’t look like Max the Terminator at all."  "But he does kind of look like the neighbor on Doogie Howser," Balki notes.  "A lot of people tell me that," the man smiles.  "Marvin ran away from the hotel where he was being held in protective custody," Dr. Shore explains, "and given his rather explosive past the FBI thought it would be wise if I talk him into coming back."  "You didn’t have to go to all that trouble," Marvin smiles.  "Marvin, don’t you think it would be nice if you went with these gentlemen and got a head start on your new life?" Dr. Shore asks.  "Sure, Dr. Shore," Marvin agrees as he picks up his coat from the back of the couch, "Aw, Balki . . . Larry . . . it’s really been an exciting evening."  "Marvin, I’m gonna miss ya, ya big lugnut!" Balki says, giving Marvin a hug.

"I’m gonna miss you, too," Marvin smiles, "Listen, if you’re ever in Topeka, Kansas look me up.  My new name is Orville Purdue."  "Marvin!  You’re not supposed to tell people that!" the FBI man moans.  "Ooh . . . forget that, forget that," Marvin urges, then he shakes Larry’s hand and says, "Oh, goodbye Larry."  "Goodbye, Marvin," Larry smiles.  "Nice meeting you ladies," Marvin says to Jennifer and Mary Anne as he walks to the door.  He turns and asks, "Coming, Shore?"  "Sure," Dr. Shore replies.  They all leave.  "Boy, how do you like that?" Larry asks, "They weren’t killers after all, they were FBI."  "Larry, don’t take this personally but this is the last time I come downstairs when I hear screaming," Jennifer states.  "Perfectly understandable," Larry nods.  "Thanks for a lovely evening, Balki," Mary Anne offers and she kisses him on the lips.  The girls turn to leave.  "I don’t get it," Mary Anne says, "I thought we were gonna see Arnold Schwarzenegger."  They exit and Larry closes the door behind them.

"Well, why don’t we clean this place up?" Larry suggests, "Then I’m gonna turn in.  Fear of death really tires me out."  Balki and Larry pick up the blankets and walk to the closet.  Upon opening the door the man they tied up earlier and stuffed inside falls into them.  "Oh!  Oh!" Balki and Larry gasp as they work to untie the man.  "We’re sorry!" Larry offers, "I’m so sorry!  We . . . we . . . we thought you were a killer!"  "Well, I’m not a killer, I’m with the phone company!" the man cries, "The phones in this building are out!  By the way, where’s your phone?"  "It’s right over there," Larry points to the counter.  "Thanks," the man says and he walks to the counter.  "While you’re here, we’d like to talk to you about call-waiting," Balki says.  The man walks over and picks up their phone, wrapping the cord around it and then yanking it out of the wall.  He carries it over to them and hands Balki the phone and Larry the box from the wall.  "You got it!" he states, then storms out.  "Well, if that’s all it took we could have done it ourselves!" Balki says.

Script Variations:
There are a few differences between the First Draft script dated January 24, 1990 and the final episode:
- The four-day production schedule for the week shows that on the final day the set for This Old House was to be completed.
- The episode starts the same with Balki singing "Dirtbusters."  Larry enters and collapses on the couch.  "What a day," Larry sighs, "I've had to rewrite a six-part series, update obituaries and research everything from nuclear fusion to why the Windy City is windy.  I didn't even have time to have lunch."  "Little man, you've had a busy day," Balki says sympathetically, "But I have some news that is going to perk you right up.  Marvin's taking us out to dinner."  The rest is the same to the flashback, which is written as "We see a flash back (TBA) from 'Dog Day Mid-Afternoon' in which Marvin threatens to blow up Larry and Balki with dynamite strapped to his chest."  After the oil dissolve back, Larry has Balki by the lapels and is shaking him like a rag doll.  "How could you do this?  How could you invite a certified lunatic to our home?"  Balki says he can't talk while Larry is doing that, then points out that Marvin is a certified public accountant.  Larry reminds Balki that Marvin tried to blow them up.  "Oh, is that what you're worried about?" Balki asks, "Let me put your mind to sleep about that.  Marvin's kicked the dynamite habit.  He was discharged from the hospital today, completely cured.  He just wants to take us out to dinner as a way of saying thanks for keeping him from being blown to figurines."  "Doesn't FTD have a little bouquet that says that?" Larry asks.  "Oh, Cousin," Balki sighs, "A man makes one tiny mistake and you hold it against him forever."  "Balki, if that bomb had gone off we would have been dead forever," Larry points out, "I think that's fair."  "But Cousin, Marvin was in a bad place then.  He had a lot of negative feelings to work through.  And he's done that.  Now his doctors and society say he's ready for a second chance.  Shouldn't we give it to him?"  "I hate when you do this," Larry moans, giving in.  There is a knock at the door.  "That must be Marvin," Balki says, "Now, remember, he's very nervous about seeing us again."  "That makes two of us," Larry agrees.  The scene is pretty much the same until Marvin shows them the chocolate dynamite (he doesn't call it a Shtick of Dynamite in this version).  "The candy store also had a hand grenade but I thought this was funnier," Marvin explains, "You know the doctor was right.  Having a sense of humor makes life a blast."  Marvin laughs at his own joke and Balki says, "This guy kills me."
- After they come back from their night on the town, laughing and having a good time, Balki says, "Boy, Marvin, when you paint the town, you give it two coats."  "Well, my kind of town, Chicago is," Marvin replies.  Larry tells Marvin that he's an okay guy and then Balki offers to make them cocoa.  The rest of the scene is mostly the same, except Marvin asks Balki, "So, Balki, you make your cocoa with milk?" and Balki replies, "Well, of couse I do.  Don't be ridiculous.  You never outgrow your need for milk."  This replaces the marshmallow discussion, even though Balki still hands them marshmallows.  After Marvin points out he has contacts that change the color of his eyes, Balki says, "You know, I knew there was something different about you, Marvin.  But I just couldn't put my finger on it.  Instead of just pushing Marvin out of the room and then telling Balki why, Larry and Balki argue while pushing Marvin toward and away from the door.  "Balki, don't you get it?" Larry asks, "The mob is after this man.  They want to kill him and he's been showing his face all over Chicago.  Along with our faces.  The mob probably knew where he was before we ordered our appetizers."  After Balki points out that they haven't seen anyone who wants to hurt Marvin, Larry notes, "Balki, they don't put people into the Witness Protection Program for the fun of it."  "You're telling me," Marvin sighs, "They want me to be a farmer in Nebraska.  Goodbye bright lights, big city."  In this version, Balki does not call out across the street to "Arnold Schwarzenegger."  Instead of all of them running out the door and running back in, the directions say, "Larry races for the door, opens it and runs out.  Balki and Marvin start to follow.  Just as they get to the doorway Larry reenters, pushing them back into the apartment.  He slams the door and locks it."  The rest of the scene is the same.
- At the beginning of act two, Marvin says, "There's a hit man in the street.  Another on the stairs.  Guys, you have to get me out of this.  You're the ones who told me to testify.  It's your fault."  "Marvin, don't worry," Balki says, "They can't kill you without killing Cousin Larry and me."  "Balki, these are criminals," Larry points out, "They won't mind doing that."  "Marvin, start worrying," Balki sighs.  After Marvin lies down on the couch, Balki says, "Don't worry, Marvin, Cousin Larry will think of a way to get you out of this."  "Aw, thanks, Larry," Marvin smiles, "I really appreciate it."  "So, Cousin, what have you got?" Balki asks.  "What have I got?" Larry cries, "I got killers surrounding the apartment and a dead phone.  I got nothing."  "Well, that's a start," Balki says.  Larry then says, "If there was just some way to get a message out of here," and Balki suggests smoke signals.  After Marvin offers to start breaking up furniture, Larry explains they'll tap out a distress signal on the ceiling.  "Jennifer and Mary Anne will hear it and get help.  They're stewardesses.  Maybe they know Morse Code."  Larry argues that "S" is dot, dot, dash.  After going back and forth, Larry says, "Balki, I was almost an Eagle Scout.  It's dot, dot, dash."  Larry demonstrates by tapping the ceiling forcefully with the broom handle.  Plaster falls on him.  Balki takes the broom from Larry.  "Cousin, I worked for Mypos Western Union.  It's dot, dot, dot," he explains as he taps the ceiling.  "Well, somebody send something," Marvin cries, "The mob is not known for its patience."  "Cousin, trust me on his," Balki asks.  "Okay, Balki, send this: 'Trapped by killers.  Get police.'" Larry instructs.  Balki taps out the message.  After a beat, they hear pounding from above.  "They heard us," Balki says.  "Keep repeating the message, Balki," Larry says.  Balki taps, there is answering pounding from above.  Balki starts to have fun.  He taps briefly.  There is a brief pounding.  He does a lot of tapping.  There is a lot of pounding.  He taps "shave and a haircut."  The answering "two bits" comes from above.  Balki taps some more but there is no answering pounding.  "Jennifer and Mary Anne must have gone for the police," Larry says hopefully.  "Then I'm saved," Marvin sighs, "That was a terrific idea, Larry."  "You can count on Cousin Larry to come up with ideas nobody else would think of in their wildest dreams," Balki says.  There is a knock on the door and Larry worries it might be a trick, so he uses his "Jose Vasquez" voice to call out.  It's the girls and they open the door.  "Jennifer, Mary Anne, what are you doing here?" Larry asks.  "What do you think we're doing here?" Jennifer asks, "We want to find out what all the pounding is about."  "We were sending you a message in Morse Code," Larry explains.  "I thought it was Morse Code," Mary Anne says, "but it doesn't make sense.  (Reading from a slip of paper)  'Sos.  Sos.  Hock trum bengi pan pan glichie.'"  "It makes perfect sense, Mary Anne," Balki says, "'Sos.'  S.O.S.  'Hock trum bengi.'  Trapped by killers.  'Pan pan glichie.'  Get police."  Larry is angry.  "Balki, you sent the message in Myposian, didn't you?  Didn't you?"  "Well, of course I did.  Don't be ridiculous," Balki answers, "I don't know how to send Morse Code in English."  Larry goes for Balki but Jennifer stops him.
- Jennifer asks, "Larry, what's all this about the police?"  Then she asks Marvin, "Are you a policeman?"  Marvin introduces himself as the man the killers are trying to kill.  "Kill?" Jennifer asks.  "You see, Marvin was a witness against the mob and they're not taking it well," Larry explains.  "Well, it was nice meeting you," Jennifer says, "Let's go Mary Anne."  "I hope to see you again sometime.  Alive," Mary Anne offers.  "Jennifer, Mary Anne, you can't go," Balki says, "The hit man on the stairs might try to hurt you."  Jennifer asks why they don't just call the police and Larry explains that the phone lines have been cut.  "You mean we're all trapped?" Jennifer asks.  "Jennifer, I'll get you out of this.  I promise," Larry says.  "How?" Jennifer asks.  "I'll have to get back to you on that," Larry admits.  Mary Anne suggests that someone climb to the roof and go across to the next building.  "I'm afraid of heights," Marvin says, "I couldn't do that if my life depended on it."  "Marvin, your life does depend on it," Larry points out.  "See.  I told you," Marvin says.  "Someone's got to do something," Jennifer points out.  "And someone will," Larry says, "This is a job for a man with nerves of steel, a man who can look death in the face and laugh."  "Cousin, where are we going to find someone like that?" Balki asks.  "You're looking at him, Balki," Larry says.  "I am?  Cousin, would you stand aside?  You're blocking my view," Balki says.  "It's me, Balki," Larry notes, "I'm going.  Jennifer, if I don't come back, promise me . . . you'll never marry."  "Never?" Jennifer asks, "I'll think about it."  "Here's looking at you, kid," Larry offers, then goes to the window.  Balki narrates Larry's brave departure and then his return.  "There's another man on the roof," Larry reports, "A mean-looking bald guy.  There's no way out."  There's a knock at the door and everyone freezes.  "They're making their move," Larry says.  "They're very polite about it," Balki notes.  The man outside says he's the phone man.  Mary Anne is relieved, saying, "Thank goodness.  It's the phone man.  He'll fix the phone and we can call the police."  Larry comes up with the plan to capture the killer with a blanket and he tells Balki to get the tape.  "Would you prefer masking, electrical or Memorex?" Balki asks.  "Get the electrical tape," Larry instructs.  When they open the door and throw the blanket over the man's head, Balki accidentally tangles Larry in the tape as well.  "Balki, tie him up, not me," Larry complains.  "Sorry, Cousin," Balki offers.  After Balki runs in the closet and then they finally get the tied man in the closet, Larry says, "Now we just have to do this two more times, and we're home free."  After Dr. Shore and the FBI men come in and everything is cleared up, Dr. Shore suggests to Marvin he go with the FBI men to start his new life.  "Yes, Dr. Shore," Marvin agrees, "I guess running away was a crazy thing to do, huh?"  "Don't let it worry you, Marvin," Dr. Shore says, "You're not the craziest person I've known."  He eyes Larry and Balki.  "In fact, you're not even the craziest person in the room."  "Balki, Larry, thanks," Marvin offers, "It's been a really exciting evening.  I'm looking forward to Nebraska now."  After they all leave, Larry says to Jennifer, "Well, what do you know about that?  They weren't killers.  They were FBI.  Pretty funny when you think of it."  Larry does his "schmuck laugh."  "Larry, I just want you to know, that from now on, no matter how hard you pound on my floor, I'm not coming down," Jennifer says.  "That's perfectly understandable," Larry agrees, "I'm sorry I pulled you into this."  "Well, I should be used to it by now," Jennifer says, "But you really were very brave."  Larry and Jennifer kiss.  She exits.  "Thank you for a lovely evening, Balki," Mary Anne says, "You have to come up some time and I'll show you how to send Morse Code in English."  "I'll be counting the dots and dashes till then, my little telegraph wire," Balki smiles.  Mary Anne exits.  "Balki, if you ever hear from Marvin again and he wants to see us . . . " Larry begins.  "I know," Balki says, "I've learned my lesson, Cousin.  Never invite a mad bomber to dinner without asking you first."  Larry thanks Balki then suggests they clean the place up.  The rest of the show is the same except when the phone guy hands them the phone he says, "All fixed."

There are still a few differences to be found in the Shooting Draft script dated February 7, 1990:
 - The opening scene is closer to what aired with Balki saying to Larry after he enters, "Hi, Cousin.  Oh, I see you stopped at the croissant place."  Balki vacuums Larry's shirt.  (In the final version, Balki notes Larry has eaten a donut on the way home.  It's clear that Balki probably vacuumed Larry's lips, since Larry is moving them oddly when we see Balki turning off the vacuum, but this part was left on the cutting room floor.)  "Thank you," Larry offers, "I brought your favorite.  Chocolate filled."  "Oh, Cousin, that would be yummy in my tummy," Balki says, then he explains he can't eat it now.
- The flashback is still listed as TBA but the script for it is located at the back.  Dated February 5, 1990, the dialogue is pretty much the same as what aired, except after Larry says, "Balki, he's wearing a dynamite vest," Balki says, "He sure is, Cousin.  But it really doesn't go with the pants."
- Balki's line "Let me put your mind to sleep about that," is still in this script.
- After Balki points out that Marvin wants to take them to dinner to thank them for keeping him from being blown to figurines, Larry still asks, "Doesn't FTD have a little bouquet that says that?"  "I'm sure Merlin Olsen could throw something together," Balki notes, "But Cousin, it's time to let go of the past.  Marvin was in a bad space then.  He had a lot of negative feelings to work through.  Real dark stuff.  And he's done that.  Shouldn't we give him a second chance?"  This is when Larry says he really needs some time to think about it.
- When Marvin says, "Maybe," after Balki says he would have seen exploding a bomb in his chest wasn't a solution, Larry asks, "Maybe?"  The rest of the first scene is the same.
- After Larry pushes Marvin out the door, Balki scolds, "Cousin, mind your Miss Manners.  You're being rude to our guest."  Then after Larry points out that the killers might want to kill them, too, Balki says, "Be that as it may be.  The threat of death is no excuse for bad etiquette."  The rest of the scene is the same.
- After Larry tells Marvin, "It's going to be all right," he says to Balki, "Boy, he's lucky to have us to lean on."  Balki starts to faint and Larry catches him, telling him, "Don't panic.  Don't panic.  We just have to find some way to get a message out of here."
- After Larry points out that Jennifer and Mary Anne are flight attendants and know all the codes, Balki says, "I don't think so, Cousin."  "You got a better idea?" Larry asks.  "No, I don't," Balki admits.
- After the girls come in, Balki asks, "What are you doing down here?  We're trying to send you a message to call the police.
- After Jennifer realizes who Marvin Berman is and Marvin confirms it, Mary Anne says, "You look different than your pictures.  Are you wearing contacts?"  Balki elbows Marvin.
- When Larry volunteers to go out the window, Balki says, "While you're out, Cousin, we need marshmallows."  After Larry goes to the window, the directions say (Girding his loins) and he says, "Well, this is it."
- After Marvin says, "Shore?  Sure," Balki says, "Dr. Shore, I love your wife Dinah."  "I'm not married," Dr. Shore says.  "Oh, I'm sorry," Balki offers, "It was that Burt Reynolds thing, wasn't it?"
- After Marvin says goodbye to everyone, the FBI man complains, "Now we're going to have to think of another name."  "How about Van Halen?" Marvin asks, "Then I could meet women.  Coming, Shore?"

The scripts for the TGIF promos which aired the night this episode aired, February 16, 1990, were filmed after the filming of this episode.  You can view the script pages for these promos below and you can now view these spots on our YouTube Channel!

Continue on to the next episode . . .