Filming Date: January 18, 1990
Nielsen Rating: 13.0 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 89 - Three's a Crowd
First Air Date: February 9, 1990
Filming Date: January 18, 1990
Nielsen Rating: 13.0 HH
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Tom Devanney
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode.
Balki-isms:
"Just because two turtle doves want
to fly the coop don’t mean you make it easy for them and buy them tickets to
Miami."
"Sticks and stones may hurt Shirley
Jones but nerds will never harm me!"
"I know enough of the language to
tell you what I think in most uncertain terms!"
"Roommates are a dime a dance!"
Don’t be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
Balki’s "Ha!"
"Wwowww!"
" . . . I have a plan!"
"Oh God!"
"I don’t think so!"
Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry sniffs at the air
Balki grabs Larry by the nose
Mary Anne bends Balki over backwards to
kiss him
Larry has a plan (and this time it
actually works!)
Balki says "Well, something something
and call me something," in this case, "Well, slap my face and call me
Zsa Zsa!"
Interesting facts:
- The title of this episode derives from
the classic saying, "Two’s company, three’s a crowd."
- Originally there was a final line for
the first scene which bombed terribly when the episode was filmed in front of
the studio audience. To read about this and other edited bits, go to our On the
Scene . . . page with excerpts from several fifth season episode filmings.
- Balki’s Spiderman pajamas make an
appearance in this episode, the first time we’ve seen them since the episode Hello,
Baby (or, technically speaking, the flashback episode College Bound.)
- When Balki talks about the things he
loves about having Mary Anne staying with them, he’s quoting lyrics from the
song, "They Can’t Take That Away From Me," a popular 1937 song by
Ira and George Gershwin that was featured in the classic Fred Astaire film, Shall
We Dance?
- Larry utters his famous catchphrase,
"I have . . . a plan!" in this episode, to which Balki replies,
"Oh God!" This was a precursor of what was to become one of their most
famous exchanges throughout the series, the only change being that in later
versions Larry would say, "I have . . . " and then Balki would say,
"Oh God!" in anticipation before Larry finished with " . . . a
plan!"
- Balki’s comment, "Well, slap my
face and call me Zsa Zsa!" refers to a famous June 1989 incident in which
actress Zsa Zsa Gabor was arrested after slapping a policeman during a traffic
stop.
- When Balki says the line, "Not so
fast, pilgrim!" he’s doing an impersonation of actor John Wayne who made
his mark in cinema playing in many western movies.
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- After accidentally sitting on Mary Anne’s
curling iron, Larry sets it on the couch next to him. Later Balki sits on that
same spot on the couch, so why doesn’t he react to the curling iron? In
fact, if you look closely you can see the curling iron is now sitting on the
coffee table. To find
out what got cut from this episode that explains this, read the Script
Variations below!
Synopsis:
The episode begins in the apartment with
Larry, Balki, Jennifer and Mary Anne sitting around the coffee table playing a
board game. We hear Jennifer’s voice say, "Okay, it’s your turn, Balki."
Balki moves his game piece six spaces. Jennifer reaches over to a stack of cards
and pulls one off the top. "Okay, Balki, Pet Peeve," Jennifer says,
then reads, "‘What bothers you most about the person sitting on your
right?’" Larry, who is sitting to Balki’s right, looks worried.
"Ooh, this should be good!" Mary Anne smiles. Balki looks very
uncomfortable. "This is very hard for me to say," he begins, "The
. . . the thing that bothers me the most about Cousin Larry is . . . he doesn’t
give himself enough credit for all the good things he does." Larry, who has
been cringing, sits up proudly. "Forgive me if I’ve hurt you," Balki
asks Larry emotionally. "Oh. . . it’s okay," Larry assures Balki,
patting his hand.
"Okay, Mary Anne, your turn,"
Jennifer announces. Mary Anne rolls the dice and moves three spaces.
"Ooh!" she exclaims, "I get a Pet Peeve, too. Just like
you!" She and Balki share some playful motions. "Okay," Jennifer
reads from the card, "‘Name a fault of the person sitting across from you
or sing a Barry Manilow song.’" Everyone looks at Mary Anne and
insist in unison, "Answer the question!" "Well, okay, but it’s
a tough one," Mary Anne sighs, "I mean, Jennifer’s almost
perfect." Jennifer smiles. "Well, there is this one teeny little
fault," Mary Anne says, "It wouldn’t be worth mentioning if I didn’t
want to win the game." "Come on," Larry encourages her.
"It’s
her habit of correcting everything I do," Mary Anne says. Larry and Balki
laugh, then look to Jennifer, who isn’t laughing at all.
"Mary Anne, I don’t do that,"
Jennifer argues. "Yes, you do," Mary Anne replies as a matter-of-fact,
"Who’s next?" "Wait a minute, Mary Anne," Jennifer says
angrily, "If you’re gonna make a statement like that you have to explain
it." "Should I roll the dice for you?" Larry asks Jennifer,
trying to distract her. "Not now, Larry," Jennifer growls, then looks
to Mary Anne and says, "Now what do you mean I correct everything you
do?" "All right, fine!" Mary Anne replies, "For example,
every time I check the passengers’ seat belts you follow right along behind me
checking them again." "Well . . . I have to," Jennifer explains,
"You’re careless." "I am not!" Mary Anne protests.
"Oh yeah? Last week you left the oven on," Jennifer reminds her.
"I was baking cookies," Mary Anne says. "For three days?"
Jennifer asks.
"Well, I’m surprised you had time
to check the oven," Mary Anne counters, "You spend so much time in
front of a mirror." "Well, at least I don’t put my makeup on with a
spray gun," Jennifer retorts. "This from a person who snores like a
teamster!" Mary Anne counters. "I don’t have to sit here and take
this from someone who can’t remember her real hair color!" Jennifer
snaps. She stands up and angrily says, "Good night!" to Larry and
Balki before storming out the door. "Oh! Oh yeah?" Mary Anne asks,
also getting up and heading for the door, "Well . . . well, at least I didn’t
go to the prom with my brother!" Mary Anne storms out of apartment as well,
leaving a stunned Larry and Balki sitting on the couch.
Later that night, Larry and Balki are in
the kitchen. Balki is leaning out the window then comes back in. "The
screaming has stopped," he reports, "I think the girls must have made
up." There is a knock at the door and Balki and Larry go to answer it.
Mary
Anne is in the doorway, holding two suitcases. "Hi, Balki," she says
sadly, "I just wanted to say goodbye before I move out." "Why you
are moving out?" Balki asks. "Because I would rather eat glass than
live with Jennifer!" Mary Anne answers. "Mary Anne, you can’t be
serious," Larry says. "Cousin Larry’s right," Balki agrees,
"Glass is really tough on your digestive system." "Mary Anne,
Jennifer is your best friend," Larry points out. "Ex-best
friend," Mary Anne corrects, "I’m gonna go stay at a hotel until I
find my own place." She turns to leave but Balki stops her. "Wait a
minute! Wait a minute! You can forget about going to a hotel. You’ll stay
right here with us, you’ll sleep in my room and I’ll stay on the
couch." Larry looks shocked by this announcement.
"Oh Balki, I couldn’t do
that," Mary Anne insists, "I’d be putting you out. I’ll stay in a
hotel." "Well, if you think that’s best," Larry 
quickly says.
"No, no, no, no, no!" Balki protests, "You march yourself right
on in there and start unpacking! Bush bush bush bush bush! Cousin Larry and
I insist." "Oh, you guys are the greatest," Mary Anne says,
"I’ll try to stay out of your way." She heads for Balki’s bedroom,
hitting Larry in the leg with her suitcase as she passes. "Oh sorry,
Larry," she offers, then continues into Balki’s bedroom. Balki closes the
front door. "Balki, you just made a huge mistake!" Larry warns.
"I’m sorry, Cousin," Balki offers, "Did you want to give her
your room? I’ll go ask her." Larry stops Balki from walking away then
leads him toward the couch. "I mean you put us right in the middle of their
argument," Larry explains. "Well, Cousin, I’m just helping Mary
Anne," Balki explains, "What you would say if Jennifer wanted to stay
here?" "Thank you, God," Larry answers, "But that’s not
the point. Balki, Jennifer’s going to think I’m taking Mary Anne’s
side."
"Now wait a minute," Balki
sighs, "Mary Anne is my girlfriend. She’ll be staying in my room, she’ll
be wearing my robe, she’ll by 
using my Mr. Duckie bubble bath. There is no way
Jennifer could get mad at you." Larry looks unconvinced. There is a knock
at the door and Larry goes to answer it. Jennifer steps inside. "Oh
hi!" Larry says. "Hi, guys," Jennifer replies, "Mary Anne
just moved out. I’m so mad! Larry, I just need to talk."
"Well, you
came to the right place," Larry assures her, then adds, "Let’s go to
a coffee shop." He turns her around to head back out the door just as Mary
Anne comes out of Balki’s bedroom. "Balki, where do you keep the
towels?" she asks. Jennifer steps back into the doorway with Larry.
"Mary Anne, what are you doing here?" "Uh, Jennifer, I think I
can explain . . . " Balki begins, but Mary Anne smugly cuts him off,
announcing, "The guys insisted I stay here!" She walks away.
Jennifer
turns to Larry in disbelief. "Well, that doesn’t bother you, does it,
Jennifer?" Larry asks. Jennifer turns and storms off. Larry looks at Balki,
who smiles and then laughs sheepishly.
One week later, it is morning at the
apartment. Larry sleepily steps out of his bedroom wearing his pajamas and a
robe. There is an ironing board with an iron on it sitting in the middle of the
hallway to the living room. Mary Anne’s clothes are laid out on various pieces
of furniture. Still groggy, Larry walks to the bathroom and opens the door.
Mary
Anne screams and Larry jumps back, closing the door again. "Sorry, Mary
Anne!" he calls. Larry backs up toward the living room then turns around
just in time to collide with the ironing board, knocking it over. He grabs the
board and also reaches down to grab the iron by the handle before it can fall to
the floor. Off balance, Larry stumbles back and hits the wall, causing him to
drop the iron on his foot. He lets out a yell of pain before flying backwards
into the living room and landing flat in his back on the floor with the ironing
board on top of him.
Larry gets to his feet and angrily sets
the ironing board behind the couch, then turns to pick up the iron, grabbing its
cord to pull it up. He accidentally grabs the iron on the bottom and burns his
hand, crying "Ow! Ow!" He sets the iron on the board with the hot side
facing the couch. Frustrated, Larry walks to the couch and sits down,
immediately jumping back up in pain and reaching back to find a curling iron
which Mary Anne has left on the cushion. Larry sits back down and sets the
curling iron on the other couch cushion. Panting from exhaustion and irritation,
Larry leans back on the couch, trying to relax. His head is hanging over the
back of the couch and his hair is coming in contact with the iron and starts to
smoke. Larry sniffs at the air, wondering what he smells burning. Suddenly he
screams and sits up, swiping at his burning hair with his hand then looking
around in exasperation.
Balki enters through the front door,
wearing a coat but still shivering from the cold. "Hi, Cousin," Balki
says. "Balki, this has gone far enough!" Larry complains, getting up
from the couch and following Balki to the kitchen counter, "I haven’t
seen the inside of our bathroom in a week!" "Well, the men’s room at
the gas station is available," Balki offers, handing Larry a key on a chain
attached to a piece of wood that has "Men" written on it,
"although, if I were you, I’d bring a little 409 along with me."
Larry hangs the board and key on a nail by the counter. Balki is sitting on the
couch and Larry walks over to sit beside him. "Balki, our lives have not
been the same since Mary Anne moved in. We’re crowded, the place is a mess and
she treats us like we’re passengers on a 747." "Come on, Cousin, you’re
exaggerating," Balki says.
Mary Anne exits the bathroom wearing her
flight attendant’s uniform. "Good morning, everyone," she says
cheerfully as she walks into the living room, "If you’ll be seated we can
start our breakfast service." Balki and Larry get up to move to the kitchen
table. Mary Anne motions to Balki’s coat and asks, "Can I put this in the
overhead bin for you, sir?" "Oh sure," Balki agrees.
Mary Anne
takes the coat, revealing Balki is wearing his Spiderman pajamas. "Now come
on, Cousin," Balki says, "How she’s going to get better if she don’t
practice?" "Oh," Larry sighs with frustration. "Now, window
or aisle?" Balki asks, motioning to the two chairs set at the table. "Window," Larry moans.
They sit down at the table where two place mats
and cups are set in front of them. Mary Anne wheels a trolley cart over to them.
"For those of you seated on the left side of the aircraft, we’re passing
over Chicago," she informs them. Balki leans over Larry to look out the
window.
"Would you care for some
coffee?" Mary Anne asks, holding a tray and coffee pot. "Please,"
Balki and Larry reply, placing their cups on the tray for Mary Anne to fill.
Once done, they take the cups back, saying, "Thank you." Balki clinks
Larry’s glass as they begin to take a sip. "Balki, would you like
pancakes or scrambled eggs?" Mary Anne asks. "I would like pancakes,
please," Balki smiles. "Larry, what would you like? Pancakes or
scrambled eggs?" Mary Anne asks. "I’ll have pancakes, too,"
Larry answers. "Oh, I’m sorry . . . we just ran out of pancakes,"
Mary Anne sighs, "Would eggs be all right?" "Fine," Larry
sighs. Mary Anne takes two covered plates from the lower part of the trolley and
places them in front of Balki and Larry. "Well, enjoy your meal," she
says, "If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go help out the gang in
coach." Mary Anne rolls the trolley back into the kitchen and then leaves.
"Balki, Mary Anne has to go!"
Larry insists, "She is driving me crazy!" "Come on, Cousin,"
Balki sighs, "If Mary Anne moves out how will the girls ever get back
together?" "Balki, it’s been a week!" Larry notes. "Shhh!"
Balki shushes Larry. Larry speaks more quietly. "It’s been a week and . .
. and they’re still not talking. They pass each other on the stairs, ice forms
on the walls. Balki’s, there’s no telling how long this thing is gonna go
on." "Well, Cousin, I . . . I can’t ask my girlfriend to move
out," Balki says, "Anyway, I like having her around. The way she combs
her hair, the way she sips her tea, the way she’s changed my life . . . no . .
. no . . . you can’t take that away from me." "Well, great,"
Larry moans, "In the meantime I’m losing my girlfriend. Jennifer insists
I’m harboring the enemy. She won’t talk to me. No, Balki, it’s over.
Mary
Anne has to go. I am going to tell her that she just can’t stay here any
more."
Larry gets up from the table but Balki
does as well, blocking Larry’s path. "Get out of my way," Larry
says. "Ha," Balki says seriously. Larry tries stepping around Balki
but Balki matches his step. Larry tries the other direction and Balki does the
same. They keep matching step for step, ending up dancing together. Larry
motions more fluidly so Balki gets caught up in the dance and they do-si-do
around each other. At the first
opportunity Larry makes a break for Balki’s bedroom. They run across the
living room, Balki taking the long way around the couch. Larry looks back and
doesn’t see Balki, not realizing Balki has sneaked between Larry and the
bedroom door. Larry tries to knock on the door but instead knocks on Balki’s
head. Larry turns to see Balki and gasps, then Balki grabs Larry by the nose and
leads him away from the door.
"Balki, I’m going to tell Mary Anne
she just can’t stay here any more and nothing you can do or say will change my
mind!" Larry insists. Both he and Balki inhale and face each other down.
Mary Anne enters from the bedroom, hiding something behind her 
back, and
announces, "Surprise time!" "Mary Anne, there’s something I
have to say to you . . . " Larry begins. "Well, before you do,"
Mary Anne interrupts, "There’s something I’d like to say to both of
you. I just want to thank you for letting me stay here and as a token of my
appreciation . . . I want you to have these watches." She pulls two open
boxes from behind her back and hands them to the guys. "Those look expensive," Larry
notes. "Oh they are!" Mary Anne confirms, "I bought them in
Geneva. I was going to give them to you for Christmas but you guys have been so
good to me . . . I just couldn’t wait. This one’s for you."
She hands
Larry a watch and kisses him on the cheek. "And this one’s for you,"
Mary Anne says to Balki, who leans in for his kiss on the cheek. Mary Anne grabs
Balki and bends him over backwards to kiss him on the lips. "Wwowww!"
Balki gasps, then says, "Cousin, was there . . . something you wanted to
say to Mary Anne?" "Yes, but Mary Anne, listen . . . " Larry
stammers, "Look, I . . . I . . . I just have to tell you that . . . uh . .
. well, look, you, you just can’t . . . know what a joy it is having you stay
with us." On Larry’s smile to Mary Anne, the scene fades to black.
Act two begins some time later. Larry is
sitting at the kitchen counter, talking on the phone. "Jennifer, I am not
taking sides in this thing," Larry says into the receiver, "I’m not
the one who invited Mary Anne to stay here. No, no, Jennifer, I’m warning you
. . . if you hang up on me again I am not calling you back. He . . .
hello?" Larry pushes down the button to hang up, looking exasperated.
He
immediately dials a number and waits for an answer. Balki bursts through the
front door, crying, "Cousin, good news!" "Balki, Mary Anne is
outta here!" Larry insists as he hangs up the phone. "Cousin, I came
up with a plan to get Jennifer and Mary Anne back together!" Balki
explains. "Well, good," Larry says, "Then maybe we can work on a
plan to get Jennifer and me back together. Now what’s your plan?"
"I reminded Mary Anne that her television set was still upstairs and she
went up to get it!" Balki says happily.
Larry stares at Balki with confusion.
"Cousin, don’t you see?" Balki asks, "When Mary Anne walks in
that room and she sees Jennifer and they start talking, the floodgates of
friendship will open up and irrigate them both with the milk of human
kindness!" Larry just stares at Balki in disbelief. The front door opens
and Mary Anne enters, fuming. "I don’t believe it!" she cries,
"That witch upstairs changed the locks on the doors!" Mary Anne storms
to the kitchen window and opens it, leaning out to call upstairs. "Hey,
Miss Have-A-Friend-For-Twenty-Years-Then-Stab-Her-In-The-Back!" "Yeah?
What is it, Beans-for-Brains?" Jennifer calls down. Mary Anne pulls back in
the window and gives Larry and Balki a look of hurt disbelief. She leans out the
window again and calls, "I want my television back!" "Fine,"
Jennifer replies. Mary Anne comes back in the window and walks to the counter,
looking confident, saying, "Well, I guess I told her!"
A moment later a television set comes
crashing down onto the fire escape outside the window, breaking into pieces.
"That does it! I’ll show her!" Mary Anne announces, walking around
the counter to the front door. "Mary Anne, what are you gonna do?"
Larry asks. "I’m going to go out and buy a new television!" Mary
Anne announces, then she storms out the door. Balki looks at Larry in shock.
"It’s a good thing I didn’t remind Mary Anne about her
refrigerator," he notes. "All right, Balki," Larry says, walking
to the couch, "It is time to take direct action and I have a plan!"
"Oh God," Balki gasps. "Balki, if we don’t do something,
Jennifer and Mary Anne may never get back together," Larry points out,
"and the two of us are gonna spend the rest of our lives with our tray
tables in the upright position." "Let’s hear the plan," Balki
suggests. They both sit down on the couch to go over the plan.
That night, Larry is sitting on the couch
with Jennifer. "Thanks for understanding, Jennifer," Larry says,
"I’m glad we’re talking again." "Well, I don’t know,
Larry," Jennifer says in a flirtatious manner, "I mean, um . . . I’m
living alone now. I thought that, um . . . maybe we could go up to my place and,
um . . . put on some soft music and, uh . . . decide what to do." Larry can’t
believe what he’s hearing. "Now?" he asks. "Now," Jennifer
says without hesitation. "Oo-kay," Larry agrees, getting up from the
couch with her to leave. "Yeah . . . yeah . . . yeah . . . " he
mutters as they start for the door. But then he remembers the plan and stops,
saying, "No . . . no . . . no." He slowly leads her back to sit on the
couch. "Jennifer, I . . . I . . . I really think it would be better if, uh
. . . we just stay here and watch TV." Larry looks as if he can’t believe
he is saying this.
"Wait a minute," Jennifer says,
"You would rather stay here and watch TV than go upstairs with me?"
Larry really has to think about this, struggling with himself. "Yeah,"
he finally confirms with a pained voice. Jennifer doesn’t know what to think.
The front door opens and Balki enters with Mary Anne. "Mary Anne!"
Jennifer cries, jumping to her feet. "Jennifer!" Mary Anne cries in
return. "Well, isn’t this the darnedest surprise?" Larry asks.
"Cousin Larry! Jennifer!" Balki attempts to act surprised, "Well,
slap my face and call me Zsa Zsa!" Jennifer looks at Larry and understands.
"Oh . . . so now I see what’s going on," she says, heading for the
door. "Now, now, hold on," Larry says, running to head her off,
"Now, now, come on! Come on! Jennifer, just a minute."
He steps in
front of her behind the couch and she grabs him and flings him over the back of
the couch and out of her way.
Balki locks the front door with a key and
stands in front of it to block Jennifer. "Not so fast, pilgrim!" he
says in a John Wayne voice. "Balki, give me the key," Jennifer
demands, holding out her hand. "I don’t think so!" Balki replies,
"Ha!" "Well then, give me the key!" Mary Anne
insists, walking over to Balki and trying to wrestle it from him. "Double
ha!" Balki resists. Both girls start tickling him and Balki cries,
"Stop it! Stop it!" Balki tosses the key to Larry. The girls run to
Larry, Jennifer saying, "Larry, give me the key." But Larry tosses it
over the couch to Balki. They run to the kitchen and the girls grab Balki, who
again throws the key to Larry. Larry has opened the window and tosses the key
outside before shutting it again. "Ha!" Balki and Larry say, then they
turn to Mary Anne and say, "Ha!" and finally turn to Jennifer and give
her a "Ha!" as well.
"There, now . . . the door is locked,
the key is gone, there’s no way out," Larry announces, "Now no one
is leaving here until you 
girls sit down and get this mess settled." "Oh yeah?" Jennifer asks, "Well, I’m calling a locksmith to get
me out of here." Jennifer walks to the phone on the counter and starts
looking in the phone book. "Call two locksmiths! I want to get out of here,
too," Mary Anne says, walking to the end table by the couch and sitting on
it. "All right, Balki," Larry sighs, "We’ve done what we can.
Let’s just forget it. These two are never gonna get back together."
"Oh come on, Cousin," Balki says, "We can’t just give up.
Just
because two turtle doves want to fly the coop don’t mean you make it easy for
them and buy them tickets to Miami." "Get me a locksmith, too,"
Larry tells Jennifer, "I gotta get outta here. I am tired of this Mypos
garbage. ‘Every barnyard has a silver lining.’ Give me a break."
"Well, I was just trying to be
nice," Balki says, "Something you might want to try sometime, you big
babasticki-head!" Jennifer and Mary Anne watch this heated exchange with
concern. "Well, let me tell you something," Larry counters, "When
you lie down with sheep . . . you wake up with ticks." "Sticks and
stones may hurt Shirley Jones but nerds will never harm me!" Balki retorts,
then storms away to his room. "Boys!" Jennifer says with alarm.
"Oh, is that supposed to mean something?" Larry yells, following Balki,
"You’ve lived in this country for four years! Why don’t you learn the
language?" Balki returns to confront Larry. "I know enough of the
language to tell you what I think of you in most uncertain terms!" "Oh
yeah?" Larry says. "You’re short . . . you’re stubborn . . . and
your short!" Balki snaps. "This from a man who names his shoes!"
Larry remarks. "Well, if that bothers you maybe I’ll just lace up Phil
and Andy and walk right out of here!" Balki states, heading for the front
door and getting his coat.
"Balki, I can’t believe you’re
doing this!" Mary Anne cries, running to him. "Guys! Guys, you can’t
just throw away a friendship like that!" Jennifer protests, joining them.
"Why not?" Larry asks, "I can’t stand living with this guy.
I’ve
dreamed of living alone! Get yourself another roommate." "I
will!" Balki says, "Roommates are a dime a dance!" "But good
friendships aren’t!" Mary Anne cries, "You can’t let petty
disagreements break them up." "Petty disagreements?" Larry asks,
"What? Like moving out because someone insults your hair color?"
"That happened to you, too?" Mary Anne asks in amazement. "Uh,
Mary Anne, they’re . . . they’re talking about us," Jennifer explains,
"They’re trying to show us that we’re letting petty disagreements break
up a friendship." "Now come on, girls," Balki says as he hangs up
his coat, "This has gone on long enough. It’s time for you to say you’re
sorry."
Larry and Balki direct Mary Anne and
Jennifer to step toward each other. They stand for a moment, neither one wanting
to 
begin. Finally Jennifer says, "I’m sorry, Mary Anne."
"I’m
sorry, Jennifer," Mary Anne replies immediately. They hug each other.
Balki
and Larry share a smile. "Thanks for showing us how silly we were,"
Mary Anne says to the guys. "Oh," Balki sighs, stepping between them
and putting one arm around each, "You made it easy." He kisses
Jennifer on the forehead and Mary Anne on the lips before stepping over to
Larry. "Hey . . . good friends are hard to come by," Larry notes.
"Cousin Larry’s right," Balki agrees, "We’re all very
lucky." "Hey, I got a great idea," Larry says, "Why don’t
we all go out to dinner and celebrate?" "That’s a great idea!"
Mary Anne smiles. "But we’re locked in," Jennifer reminds them.
"No," Larry says, pulling a key out of his pocket and holding it up,
"This is the real key." He walks to the door and tries the key in the
lock, but it doesn’t work. On their looks the episode ends.
Script Variations:
There are a some very notable differences between the Revised First Draft script dated January
15,
1990
and the final episode which aired:
- The production
schedule for the week shows this episode was filmed on January 18th, a Thursday
night. A note on the schedule shows that the hurricane set was due to be
"struck" (taken down) that week as well. Curiously, the date
shown for set construction reset and looping for the Nightmare Vacation set is
listed as December 15! This was simply a typo, as it was corrected in the
production notes included with the shooting draft (see below.)
- In this
version, the episode begins with everyone playing Scrabble (although in the
script it is just referred to as a "word game.") They are having
a good time. Larry adds up his score. "Twenty-eight and a
double word score of fifty-six giving me a total of four hundred
twenty-five. Two hundred better than my closest challenger. I love
this game. It's your turn Mary Anne." Mary Anne quickly takes
the tiles from her tray and places them on the board. "There,"
she says. "S-Y-Z-Y-G-Y?" Jennifer asks, then starts adding up
her total. "Wait a minute," Larry protests, "There's no
word spelled s-y-z-y-g-y. I challenge." "No, Cousin,
syzygy is a real word. Mary Anne, where did you learn the Myposian word
for severe tire damage?" "Sorry, no foreign words," Larry
reminds them. Larry picks up the dictionary and begins looking for the
word. "Mary Anne, that word is worth three hundred forty
points," Jennifer notes, "If it's good you'll win." Larry
is still looking through the dictionary. "She hasn't won yet.
It ain't over till Noah Webster sings." "Boy, I miss that little
guy's show," Balki sighs. "Syzygy," Mary Anne recites from
memory, "The nearly straight line configuration of three celestial bodies
in a gravitational system. Syzygy." They all stare at Mary Anne
a beat. "Sometimes things just come to me," Mary Anne
explains. "She's right," Larry confirms, closing the dictionary
and adding, "I hate this game." "Well, why don't we play a
different game?" Balki suggests, "Jennifer, what was the game you
brought down with you?" Jennifer picks up a box and explains,
"It's called the Truth Game." "Oh, I don't know,
Jennifer," Balki says, "Maybe we should do one Cousin Larry can
play." "We can all play it," Jennifer assures him,
"You take a turn answering the questions that are on these cards.
There are no winners or losers but you learn a lot about each other."
"That sounds like fun," Balki says excitedly, "Can I go
first? Can I go first?" Jennifer opens the game and removes two
packets of cards. "Okay. But I should warn you, if you refuse
to answer the question you'll have to do something embarrassing."
"I'm gamey," Balki replies. Jennifer removes one of the cards
from the packet. "Alright, Balki. 'What bothers you the most
about the person on your left.?'" It's Larry. "Either tell
the truth or run around the room clucking like a chicken," Jennifer
says. "Can I do both?" Balki asks "No," Jennifer
answers. "Do your chicken," Larry encourages Balki, then tells
the girls, "It's really good." "Come on, Balki.
Answer the 'truth' question," Mary Anne says. Balki answers that
Cousin Larry doesn't give himself enough credit all the good things he
does. Larry looks proud. Jennifer and Mary Ann stare at him a
beat. "We should have gone for the chicken," Jennifer says with
disappointment. "I'm emotionally drained," Balki sighs,
"Okay, Mary Anne, your turn." The script follows the same
dialogue as they tell Mary Anne to answer the question instead of singing a
Barry Manilow song and Mary Anne finally says that Jennifer's habit of
correcting everything she does bothers is a fault. After Mary Anne asks,
"Who's next?" Balki answers, "Cousin Larry. Ask him a
question, Jennifer." But Jennifer keeps asking Mary Anne what she
means. "Jennifer, you're holding up the game," Mary Anne points
out. "Why don't I read my own card?" Larry finally tries.
"Shut up, Larry," Jennifer snaps at him, then insists Mary Anne
explains what she means. Mary Anne points out how every time she checks
the passengers seatbelts that Jennifer follows right behind and checks them
again. "Well . . . maybe I did that once . . . or twice. For
safety," she quickly adds. "Okay, that's settled," Larry
tries to hurry them along, "Let's move on." "And what about
the time you stood right behind me when I was doing the lifevest demonstrations
and you kept correcting my grammar?" Mary Anne asks. "Well, if
you're going to do something, you may as well do it right," Jennifer
explains. Balki looks to Larry and says, "They're good. I think
we're being hustled." "And don't think I don't know that you
rebalance my check book after I'm through doing it," Mary Anne adds.
Jennifer is angry now. "Only because I got tired of your rent check
bouncing every month." "Jennifer, Mary Anne . . . " Larry
coaxes them to stop. "You read my diary without permission,"
Mary Anne states. "Mary Anne, we were in seventh grade,"
Jennifer points out. "Jennifer, you read Mary Anne's diary?"
Larry asks with surprise. "She sure did," Mary Anne confirms,
"And the only reason I found out was because she corrected my
spelling." "I hate to stop you when you're doing so
well," Balki interrupts, "But it's Cousin Larry's turn."
Jennifer says to Mary Anne, "We'll finish this upstairs.
Goodnight," then exits in a huff. The guys are stunned. Mary
Anne follows Jennifer, yelling, "And another thing: you don't take
criticism well." After Mary Anne exits, Balki says, "Wow.
I wonder if they play as good at home as they do on the road?"
- Later
in the apartment, Larry and Balki are cleaning the dishes in the kitchen.
"I hope the girls have made up by now," Larry says, "They really
seemed very angry." "Cousin, they weren't angry," Balki
argues. There is a knock at the door and Balki goes to answer it.
"You just thought they were because they are so good at playing the Truth
Game," Balki explains and he crosses to the door. Mary Anne is there
and says she's moving out and when Balki asks why she says she'd rather eat
glass than live with Jennifer. Balki's reaction after Larry says he
doesn't believe it is, "Cousin Larry is right. Glass will wreak havoc
with your digestive system." After Larry points out to Mary Anne that
Jennifer is her best friend and Mary Anne counters with "You mean ex-best
friend," Balki says, "Cousin, you were right when you said they were
fighting. You hit the nail with your head." Mary Anne says
she's going to stay in a hotel and Balki insists she stays there, which Larry is
concerned about. After going back and forth like in the final episode,
Larry says "I don't know, Balki. Mary Anne seems to have her heart
set on a hotel." "But why, Cousin?" Balki asks, "We've
got everything a hotel has . . . except an ice machine. What do you say,
Mary Anne?" After Mary Anne goes to Balki's room, Larry tells Balki
he's made a big mistake in putting them in the middle of the girls' fight.
"But, Cousin, we're helping a friend in need," Balki says.
"Balki, I know your intentions are good but we shouldn't interfere,"
Larry explains, "If Mary Anne wants to go to the hotel we should let her
go." "But why, Cousin?" Balki asks, "You know they'll
make up tomorrow. Why should she have to pay for a hotel? Though she
did seem to be looking forward to it. Perhaps we should leave a mint on
her pillow to make up for it." "But, Balki, what if they don't
make up tomorrow?" Larry asks, "Or the next day? Or next
week? Or even in a month?" "Cousin, get real," Balki
scoffs, "If we keep Mary Anne in the building she and Jennifer will pass
each other on the stairs. They'll start to talk and in no time they'll
realize how foolish they've been. And if that doesn't work, we'll do it
the Myposian way. We'll tie them together at the ankles until they make
up." "Okay. She can stay," Larry concedes.
"I knew your heart would open up," Balki smiles. "After
all, Mary Anne is a flight attendant," Larry points out, "She'll be
gone most of the time. I guess if she's not here I won't mind having her
around." "That's not quite the humanitarian attitude I
anticipated but I'll take it," Balki sighs. Mary Anne enters from
Balki's bedroom and says, "I want to thank you guys again for letting me
stay here." "You're quite welcome," Balki says, "We
wouldn't have it any other way." "Actually, it couldn't have
happened at a better time," Mary Anne adds, "I have the next three
weeks off so I'll have lots of time to just sit around and decide what I want to
do with my life after Jennifer." Larry is stunned. Balki
considers the possibilities. This was supposed to be the end of Act One.
- Act
two begins when Larry exits his bedroom in pajamas and first startles Mary Anne
in the bathroom and then crashes into the ironing board. The description
of the ironing board action is greatly simplified in this version. Balki
comes in carrying the gas station key and Larry says Mary Anne has to go and
that he hasn't seen the inside of their bathroom for a week. The scene is
the same until Mary Anne starts their "breakfast service."
"Would you care for some juice?" Mary Anne asks. "What kind
do you have?" Balki asks, playing along. "She has the same kind
she had yesterday," Larry says impatiently, "And the day before that,
and the day . . . " Mary Anne checks her supply and answers, "We
have orange, tomato and grapefruit." Balki thinks about this and then
answers, "I'll have orange please." Mary Anne hands Balki a
small can of orange juice and a cocktail napkin. "Sir?" Mary
Anne asks Larry, who is not enjoying this. "No, thank
you." "Coffee?" Mary Anne asks. "Please,"
Larry and Balki both answer, and set their cups on her tray so she can pour them
some coffee. "Balki, would you like pancakes or scrambled eggs?"
Mary Anne asks. "I'll have pancakes. Thank you," Balki
replies. "Good choice," Mary Anne says, "The eggs are
awful. Larry, what would you like?" "I'll have pancakes,
too," Larry says. "Oh, I'm sorry we just ran out of
pancakes," Mary Anne apologizes, "Would eggs be all right?"
"Fine," Larry says, losing his patience. Mary Anne goes to the
refrigerator, takes out two plastic trays and puts them into the
microwave. "Breakfast will be ready in a minute and forty-five
seconds. In the meantime, I'll get you some reading material."
Mary Anne crosses into Balki's room. The dialogue between Larry and Balki
after she leaves is the same until Larry says, "They pass on the stairs and
ice forms on the walls. There's no telling how long this thing could
last. And I have had it with listening to aerobic tapes at six in the
morning. Everytime I sit down to a meal I have to take my silverware out
of a little plastic bag. I watch television and she hands me a bag of
honey roasted peanuts. Jennifer insists I'm harboring the enemy and she
won't talk to me." Larry says he's going to tell Mary Anne she has to
leave. Balki blocks his path and says, "I don't think so."
Larry takes a step to the side. Balki again blocks his path. They
repeat this three times, then Larry fakes left, goes right and makes a mad dash
for Balki's room. Balki dives and tackles Larry onto the couch. They
wrestle for a beat. "I'm sorry, Balki. You were right,"
Larry says. "Thank you," Balki replies. "I don't know
what I was thinking," Larry adds, "Sorry, buddy." They sit
up and gather themselves. "I'm glad you can see it my way,
Cousin," Balki sighs. They take a deep breath. Larry gives
Balki a reassuring smile then makes another mad dash for Balki's bedroom
door. Balki jumps over the couch and runs after Larry. He catches
him and wraps his arms around him in front of the bedroom door, just as Mary
Anne opens it. Larry says there's something he has to say to her, but she
starts in saying she has something she'd like to say to them. "I want
to thank you for letting me stay here. I know I'm not the easiest person
to live with but you've been great. You've never complained about my
playing aerobics tapes at dawn, tying up the bathroom or accidentally giving
Larry's new suit to Goodwill." "My new suit?" Larry
asks. "Anyway, it's really nice to know I have special friends I can
count on," she says, and then she gives them the watches, explains they are
from Geneva and says she was going to give them to the guys at Christmas but she
couldn't wait. The rest of the scene is the same.
- When the next
scene starts, Larry is on the phone with Jennifer. "Jennifer, I'm not
really taking sides in this thing. I'm not the one who invited Mary Anne
to stay with us. Jennifer, don't hang up. Please, don't hang
up." Larry hangs up the phone and Balki enters. "Cousin,
we're been wrecking our brains trying to get Jennifer and Mary Anne back
together. And I've got it." "Good, maybe they we could
work on a way to get Jennifer and me back together," Larry sighs,
"What's your idea?" Balki says he reminded Mary Anne that her
television was still upstairs. Larry is dubious and asks, "That's
going to get them together?" "Well, of course it is. Don't
be ridiculous," Balki says, "When Mary Anne gets up there and starts
talking to Jennifer, the floodgates of friendship will open and the drought in
their relationship will be over." The rest of the scene is the same
until Balki asks to hear Larry's plan. "We'll get the girls together
here in the apartment," Larry explains, "You tell Mary Anne I've taken
Jennifer out to the movies, and I'll tell Jennifer you've taken Mary Anne out to
the movies." "Cousin, it's brilliant," Balki beams, then
thinks and asks, "Perhaps there's more." "There is,"
Larry continues, "I'll ask Jennifer to come down here, and you bring Mary
Anne down here. When they both get inside the apartment, we'll lock them
in and not let them out until they settle this thing." "It is
brilliant, Cousin," Balki says, "I'll get some dip."
-
Later that night, Larry and Jennifer enter the apartment and cross to the couch
and sit. "Larry, I'm sorry I hung up on you this week," Jennifer
apologizes, "And I'm sorry for all those short jokes. It's just that
you've been very chummy with Mary Anne through all of this. It's almost
like you're siding with her." "Jennifer, that's
ridiculous," Larry replies, "Mary Anne knows I'm on your side.
And believe me, we're not on the best of terms." "Well, I should
hope not," Jennifer says, then notes, "Nice watch. Is it
new?" Larry is wearing the watch Mary Anne gave him. "Yes
. . . yes it is," he says nervously, "I bought it myself. Just a
little gift to me, from me. Just for myself. A gift. For
myself." He changes the subject. "So, what do you say we
stay here and watch a little TV?" This is when Jennifer suggests they
go back up to her place and Larry refuses. "Wait a minute,"
Jennifer says suspiciously, "You'd rather watch TV than go upstairs with
me? Does this have something to do with getting me and Mary Anne together
again?" Larry feigns shock. "Jennifer, I think you know me
a little better than that." When Mary Anne and Balki enter and the
girls are surprised, Balki says, "Well, shave my head and call me Kojak."
After they lock the girls in Larry says, "There. Now no one is
leaving until we get this mess settled." "And how are we going
to do that?" Mary Anne asks. "By playing the truth game,"
Larry answers. "Well, you're playing without me," Jennifer says,
"I'm calling a locksmith to get me out of here." Mary Anne
doesn't tell her to call her a locksmith in this version. When Jennifer
goes to the phone, Balki says, "Cousin, I knew this wouldn't
work." "If you had stuck to my plan, it would have," Larry
argues. "Cousin, you told me to lock the girls in the apartment and
that's exactly what I did," Balki points out. "Balki, you were
supposed to lock them in the apartment, not us," Larry points
out. "Oh, well I guess that was the part of the plan you forgot to
tell me," Balki notes. "I thought it was obvious," Larry
says, "But I forgot who I was dealing with." "And I forgot
whose plan it was. I should have known it was doomed from the
beginning," Balki says, "Why don't we ever try my plans?"
"Well, there's a good reason for that, Mr. 'This Is The Way We Do Things On
Mypos,'" Larry counters. "Well, let's hear it, Mr. 'This Is
America And We'll Do It My Way,'" Balki snaps. "Guy,"
Jennifer tries to interrupt. "You know what's wrong with you?"
Balki asks, "You're stubborn. You're petty. And you don't
separate your whites from your colors." Larry points out that Balki
names his shoes and Balki says maybe he'll just lace up Phil and Andy and walk
out. "You mean you're moving out?" Larry asks.
"Yeah," Balki replies. "Well, great!" Larry yells,
"And take Dimitri with you. He's stinking up the place."
Larry grabs Dimitri and shoves him at Balki. Jennifer says they can't
throw away a friendship like that and Larry says he can't stand living with
"this guy" and says he'll find another roommate. Balki agrees
and says roommates are a dime a dance. Mary Anne points out good
friendships aren't and that they can't let petty little disagreements break them
up. "Petty disagreements?" Larry asks, "You mean like
moving out because someone read your diary in the seventh grade?"
"That happened to you, too?" Mary Anne asks with amazement.
"Mary Anne, they're talking about us," Jennifer explains.
"They are?" Mary Anne asks. "Yes. They're trying to
show us that we're letting pretty disagreements break up a
friendship." "Oh, right," Mary Anne understands, "Did
I look that silly when we were arguing?" "I think we both
did," Jennifer sighs, then offers, "I'm sorry about the
television." "Friendships are very fragile and should be treated
with great care," Balki points out. Larry crosses to Balki and puts
his arm around him. "Good friends are hard to come by. We're
all very lucky," Larry offers. "I think apologies are in
order," Balki notes, "I'll go first, just to crack the ice. I'm
sorry we tricked you girls." "That's okay, Balki," Mary
Anne says, "I'm sorry, Jennifer. Nothing should come between you and
I." "That's you and me," Jennifer corrects, then
catches herself, "I'm sorry too, Mary Anne." They hug.
"Hey, I've got a good idea," Larry says, "Let's all go out to
dinner and celebrate." "But we're locked in," Jennifer
reminds him. "All part of the plan, Jennifer," Larry smiles as
he holds up a key, "This is the real key." Larry unlocks the
door. The girls go out. "You know, Balki, I didn't mean any of
the things I said in that argument," Larry assures Balki. "Oh, I
know, Cousin," Balki says, "And I didn't mean most of the things I
said about you." "Thanks, Balki," Larry says, and then
asks, "Most?"
There are a still some differences to be found in the Shooting Draft script dated January
17,
1990:
- The production
notes in the shooting draft have been changed slightly. Note the "to
be determined" schedule on Wednesday for "Shoot palm leaves against
cromakey back drop." A cromakey back drop is the same as what is
sometimes called "blue screen" or "green screen" in which
something in filmed in front of a large green screen. In post production,
the solid color in the background can be taken out and the image superimposed
over any other video. It's not entirely clear where or if this special
effect was used in the show. We can also see that a series of TGIF spots
were filmed this evening. You can read the scripts for these below.
- In the beginning of this script, they are playing a board game.
They're having a good time. "It's my turn," Larry says, rolling
the dice. He moves his game pieces and curses, "Damn."
"Relationship question. Relationship question," Mary Anne says
excitedly. Jennifer pulls a card out of a box. "Here it
is," she reads, "'Describe the last dream you had about your
girlfriend.'" They all say "Ooh!" in anticipation of
Larry's answer. "Wait a minute," Balki says, "Cousin, I'll
get your notebook." "Sit down, Balki," Larry urges, then
asks Jennifer, "What's the alternative?" "Or you can cluck
like a chicken," Jennifer replies. "Well, I'm not going to cluck
like a chicken," Larry insists, then says, "Well, a few nights ago I
did have this dream where Jennifer and I were on the space shuttle. And we
were . . . well I . . . well, both of us were . . . weightless . . . so . . .
" Larry does a chicken imitation. "Nobody does poultry
like Cousin Larry," Balki smiles, "My turn." Balki rolls
the dice and moves his piece. This is where the episode begins in the
aired version. After Jennifer says, "Alright, Balki, pet peeve,"
Balki says, "I had a pet peeve on Mypos. They really
shed." "Balki, a pet peeve is something that annoys you,"
Jennifer explains. "I know," Balki says, "All that
fur. It's enough to drive you crazy." "Just listen to your
question," Larry urges. Then Jennifer asks Balki the question,
"What bothers you the most about the person on your right?"
After Mary Anne says, "This should be good," Larry suggests, "Why
don't we take a break?" In answering the question, Balki asks himself
in the middle, "How can I say this diplomatically?" The script
is the same then, except Larry says, "I could roll the dice for you,"
to Jennifer instead of asking if he should do it for her. After Jennifer
points out to Mary Anne that she left the oven on for three days, she adds,
"You're right. You're not careless. You're
brainless." After Mary Anne makes the comment about the mirror,
Jennifer says, "Well, at least I take pride in my appearance."
"Oh yeah, is that why you snore like a teamster?" Mary Anne
asks. "I have a feeling they won't be staying for dessert,"
Balki comments to Larry. After the girls storm out in a rage, Balki tells
Larry, "I'd have to give that round to Mary Anne."
-
Balki's first line in the second scene is written as, "Cousin, they must
have made up. The shrieking has stopped." After Mary Anne says
she's going to stay at a hotel Balki says, "Wait a minute. Wait a
minute. You think I'm going to let my girlfriend stay in a hotel?
You want me to have a heart attack?" Later, when Jennifer comes down
to tell them Mary Anne moved out she says, "I've never been so
mad." After Jennifer finds out Mary Anne is staying with them and
Larry says, "It doesn't bother you, does it, Jennifer?" and Jennifer
storms out, Balki says, "Well, no news is good news." Larry
turns on Balki and backs him into the kitchen. This was supposed to be the
end of Act One.
- In
the next scene, after Balki comes in from visiting the gas station bathroom he
sits on the couch and looks uncomfortable. Larry goes to the couch and
pulls Mary Anne's curling iron from under Balki. "Mary Anne's curling
iron," Larry explains. "Too bad," Balki sighs, "I
thought I had found my Mr. Microphone. Doobie, doobie, doo."
(This bit was filmed but cut from the final episode)
-
Interestingly enough, in this version of the script Mary Anne doesn't tell Balki
that the eggs are awful after he chooses pancakes. But when the show was
filmed in front of the audience, she did say this line, however it was cut from
the final episode anyway. After Mary Anne says she's going to help out the
girls in coach, Larry asks Balki, "This is first class?" "I
got us an upgrade," Balki explains. The rest of the scene is the
same.
- In
the next scene, when Balki comes in and announces he has a plan to get Mary Anne
and Jennifer back together, Larry asks what it is. "Are you sitting
down?" Balki asks proudly, "I walked the streets for hours.
Until the seed of an idea began to take root inside me. I didn't want to
rush it so I let it grow, I let it germinate in the hothouse of my
imagination. Soon it began to put forth tendrils and feelers and small
buds that held the promise of a solution. I nurtured it carefully. I
plucked away the weeds of doubt and watered it with diet cola. I was
thirsty." "Balki. The plan. Tell me the plan,"
Larry urges. After Balki tells Larry that he reminded Mary Anne her
television was upstairs and she went up to get it, Larry comments, "Not
much of a crop, Balki." Once again, the scene continues after Balki
asks to hear Larry's plan. "You take Mary Anne out to a movie,"
Larry explains, "I'll invite Jennifer down here to watch TV and keep her
here until you get back with Mary Anne. When they're here, we'll lock them
in and won't let them out until they settle this thing." "I hear
it. I like it. Let's do it," Balki agrees, "I just have
one question: What movie shall we see?"
- The
next scene also begins earlier, with Jennifer apologizing for hanging up on
Larry and for all the short jokes. She says she just feels Larry has been
taking Mary Anne's side. "Jennifer, that's ridiculous," Larry
scoffs, "She knows I'm on your side. And believe me, because of that,
Mary Anne and I are not on the best of terms." "Well, I should
hope not," Jennifer says, then notices Larry's new watch and says,
"Nice watch. It looks like one Mary Anne bought in
Geneva." "It does?" Larry asks nervously, "Hers is
nothing like this watch. Not that I've ever seen the watch she
bought. I bought this watch in a store. Not Geneva." He
quickly changes the subject and says, "So, what do you say we stay here and
watch a little TV?" This is when Jennifer suggests going
upstairs. After Larry refuses to go upstairs, Jennifer asks, "Larry,
is there something I should know about you?"
-
When the guys start to argue, Balki begins by saying, "Nice going,
Cousin. If bad planning was an Olympic event, you could go for the
gold." "Oh, my plans are no good?" Larry asks, "You
should talk. It was your plan that got Mary Anne in here in the first
place." "I was just trying to be a nice guy," Balki says,
"You might try it sometime." "I'm really sick of this,
'I'm-from-Mypos-I-love-every-living-creature' stuff," Larry counters, then
says the line about when you lie down with sheep you wake up with ticks.
"Oh yeah?" Balki asks, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but
birds will never harm me." When Balki says he knows enough of the
language to tell Larry what's wrong with him he doesn't say "in most
uncertain terms." "I know what's wrong with me," Larry
says, "I got you for a roommate." "Larry!" Mary Anne
says with shock. "Oh, let him talk," Balki says, "This has
been a long time coming. I'll tell you what's wrong with you,
Cousin. You're cruel. You're selfish. And you undertip."
The script is the same until Jennifer points out to Mary Anne that the guys were
just trying to show them how they were letting petty disagreements break up a
friendship. "Did we look that silly when we were arguing?" Mary
Anne asks. "I'm afraid you did," Larry confirms. Balki
says he thinks it's time they say they're sorry. "Well, I will if she
will," Jennifer says. "Well, I will if she will," Mary Anne
agrees. "I think you both will," Balki says, pushing them
together. They apologize and hug. "You don't really snore like
a teamster," Mary Anne says. "I think your hair look
great," Jennifer offers. "Thanks for showing us how foolish we
were," Mary Anne tells Balki and Larry. "It was easy,"
Balki says modestly, "You gave us a lot to work with." Larry
suggests they go out to dinner and celebrate. Jennifer reminds them
they're locked in. "No problem," Balki says, "I'll whip up
a batch of sweet and sour sheep neck." "Fire escape," Larry
suggests, and he, Jennifer and Mary Anne head for the fire escape as the show
ends.
The scripts for the TGIF promos which aired on January 26, 1990, were filmed after the filming of this episode was completed and the studio audience was gone. You can view the pages here and you can view the spots on our YouTube Channel!
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