Nielsen Rating: 12.0 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 80 - Father Knows Best??? - Part Two
First Air Date: November 17, 1989
Nielsen Rating: 12.0 HH
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Tom Devanney
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Belita Moreno: Miss Lydia Markham
Sam Anderson: Mr. Sam Gorpley
Guest Cast:
James Noble: Mr. Walter Appleton
Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode
Balki-isms:
"United we stand and Delta is ready
when you are."
"Just open your mouth and let your
heart do the talking."
"Gesundheit."
"A few well chosen words with a loved
one are worth more than the picture that came with the frame, even if that
picture is Olivia Newton-John."
Don’t be ridiculous: Said once in this episode.
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Well . . . "
"Just kidding, Cousin!"
"Cousins should joke more!"
"Can I tempt you?"
Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry has a plan (one which actually
works!)
Larry’s dad is the one in this episode
to begin with the "How many basement doors have you knocked down?"
routine, although Balki interrupts him
Mary Anne says something smart and then
explains it in a bizarre way
Balki offers a Myposian saying (this time
only in English)
Interesting facts:
- Since this is one of the six two-part
episodes done during the course of the series, this episode starts with a recap
of last week’s episode before the opening titles.
- Balki refers to MacGyver, which was a
very popular series on ABC starting in 1985. It starred Richard Dean Anderson as
a resourceful secret agent who weekly would use clever devices, often made from
ordinary household items (and whatever else happened to be on hand) to extricate
himself from dangerous situations.
- Cousin Coastergeekperson04 on YouTube has pointed
out to us that the set used for the basement in this two-part episode was used,
in part, as Steve Urkel's basement on Family Matters. Although the
staircase has a bend and the arches are not in the same place, it's similar
enough to know that the basic set was used on both shows. Steve's basement
can be see on the second season Christmas episode, Have Yourself a Very
Winslow Christmas on YouTube.
- The Myposian dish moogli boozachmonk has
an interesting story behind it. Issue #5 of the original fan club newsletter,
P.S. I Love You!, was a tribute to the fifth season which included our very
first Bernie Awards. Under the category of Best Myposian Dish, one of the
runners up was what we called "Moogli Voosakman." As was usually the
case, Myposian words can be hard to decipher and were often not included in the
scripts. We also made the light observation that it seemed a bit far-fetched for
all 
these Myposian rituals to suddenly surface after four years. A short time
later we received a letter from Balki himself . . . yes, Balki! . . . correcting
our spelling and taking us to task for our criticism. Along with this letter was
a note from Bronson, who went on to explain the background of the word and also
the Moogli carvings in the episode Poetry in Motion, as well as his girlfriend,
Wren’s, agreement with our choice of Best Clothes for Balki, the black shirt
and pants seen in the last scene of The Selling of Mypos. You can see both
letters by clicking the inserts to the left! And let me again take the
opportunity to thank Bronson (and Balki) for taking the time to write to us then
and put us straight!
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- It’s interesting to note that when Mr.
Appleton arrives at the apartment for his visit and also when he leaves he has
no luggage with him, not even an overnight bag!
Synopsis:
The episode begins with a shot of the
water still running into the basement. Everyone is standing at the landing on
the top of the wooden staircase yelling "Help!" at the locked door
simultaneously. "Again!" Larry urges. "Help!" everyone
screams except Larry. This time it’s Balki yelling help into Larry’s ear
(unlike the last episode when Larry was yelling into Balki’s ear.) "Cousin, Cousin," Balki says in a hoarse voice, "We’ve been
screaming for an hour and if we keep it up we’re going to do some permanent
damage to our vocal cords." "Nobody can hear us anyway," Mr.
Appleton sighs. Larry, Balki and Mr. Appleton walk down the staircase.
"There must be something we can do!" Lydia cries, "I don’t want
to be electrocuted! I don’t want to die! Not in this ensemble."
She
motions to her outfit. "If we stay calm and keep our wits about us, I’m
sure we can think of a way to keep ourselves from dying," Larry insists.
Everyone thinks.
Mr. Gorpley suddenly
gasps. Everyone looks at him in expectation before he finally admits, "I
got nothing." "I’ve got an idea," Larry says, and heads down
the stairs into the water and wades into the storage area. "Oh!
He’s got
that look in his eyes!" Balki notes, "Normally that scares me but when
you’re thigh-deep in water you lower your expectations." Larry wades back
to Balki, carrying a mannequin’s head. "This oughta do it!" Larry
says excitedly. "Now, Cousin, this is no time to try your ventriloquist’s
act. I’ve seen it and his lips move constantly." Larry carries the head
to the open pipe and shoves it into the hole, stopping the water. Everyone
cheers. "Appleton finally came up with something that worked," Mr.
Gorpley says with surprise, "I don’t believe it."
"There.
One
problem solved," Larry states. "Well, Cousin, I must say this time
you really used your head!" Balki smiles, wading over to Larry. "That
was a really good idea, Larry," Jennifer smiles. "Well, I just spotted
the problem and used a little of the old Appleton know-how," Larry brags.
As he’s speaking, there is a build-up of sound behind him. The head suddenly
flies from the pipe and hits Larry on the back of the head, knocking him into
the water. "Cousin! Cousin!" Balki cries, and he starts feeling around
under the water for Larry. He pulls out the mannequin’s head and screams in
horror. Larry stands up in front of Balki, startling him and causing Balki to
scream again.
Later that evening, the water has risen
even further. Everyone is on the stairs except Balki and Larry, who are
chest-high in the 
water.
Larry is standing next to a floating metal tub and
Balki is using a watering can to scoop water up and into the tub. The tub is
only sinking deeper into the water. "Balki," Larry says, "Now do
you see why bailing won’t work?" "Yes, Cousin," Balki nods,
"You’re right. But I appreciate your letting me take the shot."
Balki pours the rest of the water from the can into the tub, which sinks out of
sight. "Well, somebody better do something," Mary Anne says, "We’re
four inches from being deep fried." Mr. Appleton is using a ruler to
measure the distance from the top of the water to the bottom of the fuse box and
corrects her, saying, "Actually, it’s three and a half inches."
"Don’t worry," Larry says, "I’ve got another plan to get us
out of here." "You have another plan?" Mr. Gorpley asks,
"You call sticking a head in the pipe a plan?" "It was a good
plan!" Mr. Appleton argues, then adds, "Just poorly executed."
Larry looks disappointed, so Balki jumps
in. "All right, now . . . now listen to me, everyone. This is no time to
lose hope because if we all put our heads together I’m sure we can think of
something. You know what they say, ‘United we stand and Delta is ready when
you are.’" "All right, come on, everybody," Larry agrees,
"We’ve got to find something to knock the door down with." Larry,
Balki and Mr. Appleton all wade around in the water, looking for something
suitable. "Hey Cousin," Balki says, "Maybe we could knock the
door down with one of these beams." He points to a collection of large
wooden beams in one corner. "Good idea, Balki!" Mr. Appleton wades
over. "Let’s get this beam over to the stairs," Larry says.
They
take one of the beams, Mr. Appleton directing, "Okay, Balki you take that
end and I’ll take this end. Lawrence, you get in the middle."
"All right," Larry says,
"All right. Lift!" Balki and Mr. Appleton lift the beam up over their
heads, and Larry stands between them, but the beam is high above his reach, so
he follows along between them, reaching up but not touching the beam at all.
"Okay, walk it on over!" Larry directs, "Walk it over!"
"Be careful, Larry," Jennifer urges. "I’m okay! I’m
okay!" Larry calls, "All right, all right, swing it on in. Swing it on
in. Yep. Yep. Good. All right. All right, set it down.
Set it down." They
lower it so it is pointing up the stairs. Larry breathes heavily, as if he has
done a lot of work. "Oh, that was close, Appleton," Mr. Gorpley says
sarcastically, "It almost touched your hands once." "All right,
all right, everybody," Larry says, "Get down here out of the
way." "What, are you crazy?" Mr. Gorpley asks, "These are
alligator shoes!" "Oh well, good. Then they’ll be right at home in
the water," Jennifer smirks, pushing Mr. Gorpley to move down the steps and
into the water.
"All right, let’s lift it up,"
Larry says as he and Balki and Mr. Appleton start carrying it up the stairs.
"Mr. Gorpley," Larry says, 
"You could help us."
"Oh
goody," Mr. Gorpley smirks and takes the beam between Larry and Mr.
Appleton, complaining, "You’re gonna pay for these shoes, Appleton."
They reach the top of the wooden landing and hold the board under their arms.
"All right, ready?" Larry asks, "On the count of three we’ll
ram this baby into the door. One . . . " "Wait a minute, wait a
minute," Mr. Appleton interrupts. "What is it, Dad?" Larry asks.
"I think we should say ready, set, go," Mr. Appleton says. "Dad,
I think there are times when a ready, set, go is called for," Larry argues,
"But I don’t think this is one of those times." "Oh
brother," Mr. Gorpley sighs. "Lawrence, how many basement doors have
you knocked down?" Mr. Appleton asks. "Well . . . " Larry says.
"How many?" "Well, I . . . " "How many base . . .
" "Guys, guys, guys," Balki interrupts, "How about if we say
‘one, two, three’ but we’re thinking ‘ready, set, go?’"
"One . . . two . . . three!"
Larry calls, and then hit the door with the end of the beam. Nothing happens.
"One . . . two . . . three!" Larry calls and they hit the door again.
Nothing happens. "Any other ideas, Appleton?" Mr. Gorpley asks.
"We just need a little more weight behind us," Larry says,
"Jennifer, Mary Anne, Lydia . . . give us a hand." "I don’t
know, son," Mr. Appleton says worriedly, "I don’t think this landing
can hold all of us." "Trust me, Dad," Larry insists. "Lawrence, if the four of us keep hitting it the door will give way,
eventually," Mr. Appleton points out. "But that could take all night,
Dad," Larry says, "It stands to reason, the more people, the more
force, the quicker we’ll open the door. And it’s my beam." "And a
very handsome beam it is, too, Cousin," Balki pacifies Larry, "But I
think the point your father’s trying to make is that this landing may not be
able to support seven people and your beam."
"So, prove me wrong," Larry
argues, "Come on, ladies. Let’s put our backs into it." Lydia, Mary
Anne and Jennifer climb up the 
stairs to join the men in holding the beam.
"Oh no," Lydia moans, "I hope I don’t break a nail."
Once
everyone is in position, Larry says, "All right, on the count of three.
Ready? One . . . two . . . three!" They hit the door with the beam.
Nothing
happens. "Well, it didn’t knock down the door," Mr. Appleton sighs.
"Well, it didn’t knock the landing down, either," Larry brags.
The
landing suddenly jerks beneath their feet. It starts to wobble and then begins
to fall forward, the rest of the stairway breaking away behind it. Slowly it
collapses into the water, the landing staying intact but dropping away from the
doorway and landing with a thud in the middle of the basement. "Well . . .
" Larry sighs as the scene fades to black.
Act two begins with everyone still
standing on the wooden landing in the middle of the flooded basement. "Okay, okay," Larry
says, "So we’ve had a little setback."
"A little setback?" Mr. Gorpley asks incredulously, "You mean
like the Titanic had a little setback?" "At least I tried," Larry
defends himself, "I don’t hear anybody else coming up with a plan to get
us out of here." "You’re right, son," Mr. Appleton agrees,
"You did have a plan." "Thanks, Dad," Larry says.
"It
just wasn’t a very good one," Mr. Appleton adds. "I was only trying
to help," Larry offers. "You wanna help? Go play in the deep
end," Mr. Gorpley suggests. Larry sadly walks down the steps, into the
water and away. "Shame on you," Balki scolds Mr. Gorpley, "Didn’t
you ever make a mistake?" "Yeah. Coming to this party," Mr.
Gorpley answers. Balki shakes his head and finger at Mr. Gorpley and heads over
to Larry. "It’s getting deeper," Mary Anne notes worriedly, "If
we don’t get out of here soon we might as well forget about the party."
Balki approaches Larry, who is standing up
to his shoulders in the water. "Cousin, um . . . the festive mood seems to
be slipping 
away.
Everyone seems to be getting . . . cranky." "It’s
because they’re going to die and it’s all my fault," Larry sighs,
"They hate me, don’t they?" "Well, of course they don’t.
Don’t
be ridiculous," Balki assures him. "I wanted this to be a weekend my
father would never forget," Larry sighs sadly, "Now I’ve killed
him." "Well . . . it will be a weekend your . . . your mother will
never forget," Balki notes. Larry looks at Balki in shock. "And I’ll
die without ever making my father proud of me," Larry continues. "Cousin, you know . . . maybe your father is proud of you and you just don’t
know it," Balki suggests. "But he’s never said so," Larry
points out. "Well, fathers don’t always say what they feel," Balki
explains, "Cousin, if you tell your father how you feel, maybe you will be
surprised at how he feels." "I . . . I would," Larry hesitates,
"but I just don’t know how to get started."
"Well, I’m gonna help you,"
Balki says, and turns to call over his shoulder, "Uncle Walter!"
"Oh no," Larry moans. "Would you 
swim over here for just a moment
please?" Balki calls, "Cousin Larry has something he want to tell
you." Mr. Appleton swims over to them. "Cousin, Cousin," Balki
tries to assure Larry, "Just open your mouth and let your heart do the
talking." Mr. Appleton reaches them and asks, "What is it, son?"
"Dad, I . . . " Larry hesitates, then asks, "Balki, could you
give us a minute?" Balki looks from one to the other then realizes he doesn’t
really have anywhere to go, so he slowly sinks down under the water. "Dad,
we may not have much time left," Larry begins, "but we need to talk,
you and me." "You and I, Lawrence," Mr. Appleton corrects.
"You and I," Larry nods, "Well, it’s not so much you and I, it’s
more . . . you. Well, it’s you when you’re relating to me . . . to I . . .
to me . . . " "Lawrence, if you want a career in journalism you’ve
got to be more articulate," Mr. Appleton notes.
"This is exactly what I’m talking
about," Larry says in frustration, "Nothing I do is ever good enough
for you. When I was in sixth 
grade I got a ninety-six on a test, you asked what
happened to the other four points. And now I’ve got a good job at the
newspaper, you tell me I should work in television. When are you gonna be proud
of me?" "Lawrence, I’ve always been proud of you," Mr. Appleton
says. "Well, all you do is criticize," Larry complains, "Just
once I’d like to hear you say ‘Well done, son.’" "I . . . I know
I criticize you a lot," Mr. Appleton admits, "but it’s only because
I want you to be the best you can be. For heaven’s sake, I’m always bragging
about you. I tell everyone what a . . . what a wonderful son I have."
"But you never tell me," Larry points out. "I don’t, do
I?" Mr. Appleton realizes, "I’ve always found it hard to . . .
express my feelings to those that I love the most. And I love you,
Lawrence." "I love you, too, Dad," Larry says. They share a warm
embrace then part, holding each others’ hands.
Balki re-emerges between their arms and
after a moment realizes they are holding hands. "Thank God!" Balki
exclaims. "Balki?" Larry asks, "Could you give us just another
minute?" Balki looks surprised, asking, "Huh?" "Please?" Larry asks, motioning to the water.
Balki once again slowly
sinks down out of sight. "Except for the fact that we’re going to die
soon, I’ve never been happier," Larry smiles. "Well, we’re not
dead yet, so let’s try to find a way to get out of here," Mr. Appleton
says enthusiastically as he heads toward the storage cages. Larry turns to
follow, then hears the sound of bubbles. He turns to see Balki apparently
floating face down in the water. "Balki!" Larry cries, pulling Balki
up out of the water. Balki throws his head back and says, "Just kidding,
Cousin! Cousins should joke more!" "Come on, we’re gonna find a way
out of here," Larry says.
"Cousin, you know, I wish MacGyver
were here," Balki says, "That man could take a Hershey bar, a
thumbtack and a rubber band 
and make a bomb that would blow the socks off that
door." "Well, MacGyver’s got nothing on Lawrence," Mr. Appleton
says, "Remember when you got that chemistry set and you blew up the
garage?" "I loved that chemistry set," Larry smiles, "It was
the best Christmas present I ever got." "I believe it was a birthday
present," Mr. Appleton corrects. "No, Dad, I distinctly remember that
was . . . " "Cousin," Balki interrupts, "Cousin?
Cousin? Is
that the chemistry set you won’t let me play with?" "Balki, it’s
dangerous," Larry says, "That’s why we keep it in the
basement." After a second, Mr. Appleton and Larry both react and cry,
"The basement!" They start for the storage locker. "Guys!
Guys!" Balki suddenly shouts, "That chemistry set could be in the
basement!" Larry grabs Balki by the ear and pulls him toward the storage
space.
At the start of the next scene, we see the
water is only an inch below the bottom of the fuse box. Larry is working at a
table that is floating in the water, mixing chemicals from the chemistry set
with Balki and Mr. Appleton at his side. Mr. Appleton is holding the table
steady. Jennifer and Mary Anne watch from the landing while Mr. Gorpley stands
to one side with his tie tied around his forehead. Lydia is floating next to him
in an inner tube. "Sulphur," Larry says, then adds it to the bottle
where he’s mixing everything. "Pot ash," Larry says. "Gesundheit,"
Balki offers. "Give me the pot ash," Larry says, trying to remain
calm. Balki finds it in the kit and hands it to Larry, who adds it to the
mixture. "Was it seventy-five percent fulminate of zinc or potassium
nitrate?" Larry asks himself aloud. "Who are we kidding?" Mr.
Gorpley asks, "He can’t even make instant coffee!"
"Listen, pal!" Mr. Appleton
barks, "If my son can blow up an entire garage he can certainly blow up a
little door!" "Thanks, Dad," 
Larry says, then makes a smug face
at Mr. Gorpley. "Come on, Larry," Jennifer says, "You can do
it." "I don’t know," Larry says worriedly, "It’s not
coming back to me." "Well, if it were me, Larry, I’d go with ten
percent pot ash, fifteen percent sulphur and seventy-five percent zinc,"
Mary Anne says matter-of-factly. Everyone looks at her in surprise. "We
used to summer in Beirut," Mary Anne explains. Larry adds the last chemical
and says, "All right. I think we’re ready." He pours the mixture
from the bottle into a small milk carton which has been opened completely on the
top. "Now I need something to use as a fuse," Larry says. "How
about your tie?" Jennifer suggests. "Mine won’t work," Larry
realizes, "It’s wet." "We could use Mr. Gorpley’s tie,"
Balki points out, "It’s dry and it’s making a nifty fashion
statement." "Wait a minute!" Mr. Gorpley protests, "This is
a fifty dollar tie!" Lydia gives him a swift kick under the water and says
seriously, "Just give ‘em the tie, Sam." "Okay, it’s
yours," Mr. Gorpley gives in, taking the tie off his head and handing it to
Larry.
Larry positions one end of the tie in the
carton. "All right, now I need something to light it with," he states.
Everyone looks around for a moment, then Mr. Appleton says, "Oh,
wait!" He reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a lighter, handing it
to Larry. "Dad . . . it’s the lighter I gave you when I was ten!"
Larry says with happy amazement. "Yes, it is," Mr. Appleton nods,
"And you were eleven." "All right, Balki, lift me up on your
shoulders so I can reach the doorknob," Larry instructs. Balki ducks down
under the water and then comes up underneath Larry, lifting him up so Larry is
sitting on his shoulders. They move toward the door. Mr. Gorpley and Lydia start
to move to the other side of the basement and Mr. Appleton turns to Jennifer and
Mary Anne and suggests, "Come on, girls. Better get down. This could be
dangerous."
Balki carries Larry over to the door where
Larry reaches up and positions the carton to balance on the doorknob. "Be
careful, Larry!" Jennifer calls. Larry lights the tie with the lighter then
says, "Let’s go!" Balki hurries away from the door. "Hurry,
Balki, hurry!" Jennifer calls. They reach the others and Larry drops down
into the water as the flame reaches the carton and appears to fizzle out. "You burned a fifty dollar tie for nothing?" Mr. Gorpley asks, "I
could have been buried in that tie." The carton suddenly explodes, blowing
open the door. Everyone cheers and applauds. "All right, come on!"
Larry calls, "Let’s get outta here!" "Wait a minute!
Wait a
minute!" Mr. Appleton stops him, and looks at Larry directly and says,
"Well done, son." Larry beams. Mr. Appleton turns to the others and
says, "Now let’s get out of here."
The next morning in the apartment, Larry
is standing in the living room with his father. "Gee, Dad, I wish you didn’t
have to leave so soon." "Well, I gotta be back by seven and if I leave
now I’ll miss the rush hour on I-94," Mr. Appleton explains. "Oh!
Oh, uh, Dad," Larry remembers, running to the bathroom and getting a pair
of shoes out of the bathtub, "Your shoes are still wet but I stuffed them
with paper so they’ll be okay ‘til you get home." He hands his dad the
shoes. "Well now, if you get your shoes wet and you don’t put shoe trees
in ‘em you can kiss ‘em goodbye," Mr. Appleton states. "Well, no,
Dad, the paper will absorb the moisture," Larry explains. "Lawrence,
how many shoes have you dried?" Mr. Appleton asks. "Today?" Larry
asks, "Fourteen." "Well, then I guess you know what you’re
doing," Mr. Appleton admits. "Thanks, Dad," Larry smiles.
Balki exits the kitchen carrying a plate.
"Uncle Walter, I made you a nice, big plate of moogli boozachmonk to take
back to 
Madison."
"Oh! Well, what is it?" Mr. Appleton asks. "Pig bladder stuffed with cheese," Balki explains, holding one up and
smiling, "Can I tempt you?" "Maybe later," Mr. Appleton
smiles politely, then adds, "Balki, I can honestly say that meeting you is
an experience I will never forget." "You know, a lot of people say
that," Balki notes, then says, "Ooh, I almost forgot." Balki runs
back into the kitchen. "Dad," Larry warns, "I wouldn’t eat
those or you’ll be stopping a lot." "Ah!" Mr. Appleton says,
handing Larry the plate, "Thank you for the advice, son." Mr. Appleton
heads for the door but Balki runs back in and says, "Oh, thank you, Cousin
Larry." He takes the plate from Larry and dumps the moogli boozachmonk into
a paper bag, which he then hands to Larry’s father. "Oh, well, thank
you," Mr. Appleton says politely. "Bye, Balki." "Bye, Uncle
Walter," Balki says.
"Bye, son," Mr. Appleton says
more quietly. "Bye, Dad," Larry smiles. Mr. Appleton leaves.
Larry
pats Balki on the back as they walk over to the couch. "Balki, I want to
thank you for making me have that talk with my Dad." "Cousin . . .
" Balki smiles. They sit down "You Mypiots may not have television or
radio or indoor plumbing but you really know how to talk to each other,"
Larry observes. "There isn’t that much else to do," Balki explains.
Larry nods. "You know, it’s like we always say on Mypos . . . a few well
chosen words with a loved one are worth more than the picture that came with the
frame, even if that picture is Olivia Newton-John." "Words to live
by," Larry says, looking stunned, "I’ll tell you what . . . let’s
just relax for the rest of the weekend." "Hey, great idea," Balki
agrees, "What do you say we go get two towels, go down to the basement and
take a dip?" "I’ll call the girls," Larry agrees.
Script Variations:
Part One and Two
were both included in one large script, but still broken into two distinct
parts. We will break up the scripts into their respective halves for these
outlines. The
first draft script dated September 13, 1989 contained several differences:
- The
episode begins differently. Larry, Balki and Mr. Appleton are standing in
the water. (Note: Level 2' 6") Jennifer, Mary Anne, Lydia and
Gorpley are at the top of the stairs. The water continues to pour
in. "We're trapped!" Lydia cries, "We're trapped like
rats!" "Well, actually rats are excellent swimmers," Mary
Anne notes, "We'd be in trouble if we were cats. Cats hate
water. Of course, cats love rats." They all stare at her.
"I tend to babble when about to be electrocuted," Mary Anne
explains. "There's nothing to be nervous about," Larry assures
them, "We're going to be fine." "Cousin Larry's
right," Balki agrees, "We have to stay flat-headed."
"That's level-headed," Larry corrects. This is when he suggests
everyone stay calm and that he's sure they'll think of a way out of there.
They think, then Gorpley says, "I got nothing," and everyone ad-libs
the same sentiments. "I've got it!" Balki says excitedly,
"What we have to do is find a way to stop the water before it reaches the
fuse box." "Good, Balki," Larry says with encouragement,
"Identifying the problem is the first step in solving it."
"Could we get to the second step soon?" Jennifer asks, "The water
is rising." "If we could only find something to stuff in the
pipe," Larry notes. "How about Lydia?" Mr. Gorpley
asks. "How about your heart, Sam?" Lydia counters.
"Come on, this is no time for petty squabbling," Mr. Appleton scolds,
"We need someone to take charge." "Right, Dad," Larry
agrees, "I've got an idea." He gets the mannequin head and Balki
makes the comment about his ventriloquist act. The rest of the scene plays
out the same.
- The next scene also starts
differently. Larry is in one of the storage cages looking for
something. Balki and Mr. Appleton are standing in the middle of the
basement. The others are sitting on the top of the stairs,
discouraged. (Note: Water Level 3, 4' 11") "Larry, the
water's up to the eighth step," Mary Anne points out, "Should I start
worrying now?" "Don't worry," Larry insists, "I have
another plan to get us out of here." "You have another
plan?" Mr. Gorpley asks, "You mean sticking a head in the pipe was a
plan?" "Put a sock in it, Sam," Lydia scolds.
"Even that would've worked better than the head," Mr. Gorpley
says. Balki crosses to Larry. "Cousin, what's your
plan?" "I have no plan," Larry admits, "I just didn't
want the girls to panic." "Well, if we all put our heads
together, I'm sure we'll think of something," Balki says, then makes the
United and Delta comment. "No, no, I have to do this myself,"
Larry says, "If I save us, then my father will finally see I can do things
on my own. Who knows, he might even say 'Well done, son.'"
"Cousin, this is no time to be thinking about yourself," Balki says,
"If we don't work together and get out of here soon, we'll all be 'well
done.'" "Surely we could find something to knock the door down
with," Larry says, then to everybody he calls, "Help me move these
beams out of the way." Mr. Appleton crosses to them.
"Perhaps we could knock the door down with one of these beams," Balki
notes. "I got it," Larry says, "We could knock the door
down with one of these beams." "Not a bad idea, Lawrence,"
Mr. Appleton says, "Of course Balki had it first." They carry
the beam to the stairs the same as in the show. Larry says, "Sam,
give us a hand." Mr. Gorpley claps. "I mean you can help
us," Larry says. They have the argument about "one, two,
three" versus "ready, set, go." Mr. Appleton says
"one, two, three" under his breath anyway. After the first time
Balki suggests they try "ready, set, go," which they do. After
they argue about whether or not the landing can take the extra weight of the
girls helping them, and Larry insists, "And it's my beam," Balki says,
"He might have you there, Mr. Appleton." "Okay, do it your
way," Mr. Appleton gives in. The rest of the scene is the same.
- The second act behind with everyone
having found a dry place to perch except for Larry, who stands in the water
separate from the group. (Level 3) He moves toward the others and
tries to make conversation. "Boy, some party. Had I known I
would have said being a bathing suit, we'll make it a pool party."
Larry does his shmuck laugh. Everyone just stares at him. This is
when Larry admits they've had a little setback. "Setback?" Mr.
Gorpley asks, "Before, we couldn't get out the door. Now, we can't
even reach it." After Larry points out that at least he came up with
a plan and Mr. Appleton says it just wasn't very well thought out, Balki says,
"But, if I know Cousin Larry, he's got another plan just as good as that
one." Everyone ad-libs "No thanks," "No
way." Larry moves further away from the group. Balki scolds Mr.
Gorpley, who says his big mistake was coming to the party and Mary Anne makes
the remark about forgetting about the party. Lydia becomes hysterical,
crying, "Ohmigod! I'm the shortest. I'll be the first to
go. I'm too young to die. I don't want to die."
"Lydia . . . Lydia . . . " Mr. Gorpley urges as he raises his hand to
slap her. "Don't even think about it," Lydia says, instantly
calm. Balki is with Larry. "They all hate me, don't they?"
Larry asks. "Noooo, they don't hate you, Cousin," Balki insists,
then adds, "I think you should wait awhile before you throw your next
party." "You know what the worst part of this is?" Larry
asks. "That very soon we'll be sizzling like bacon in a hot frying
pan?" Balki guesses. "Well, there's that. But the worst
part for me is never having that one moment where I could sit down with my
father and really talk." "Then you should do that now,
Cousin. Although I would suggest you skip the sitting down
part." "What's the point?" Larry asks, "He's so busy
criticizing me, that he doesn't have time to listen." "Cousin,
know what you're going through," Balki says, "I had trouble talking to
my father, too." "Balki, I can't believe you ever had trouble
talking to anybody." "Well, that's true," Balki agrees,
"But, once I made the decision to come to America, Poppa, he clammed up
tighter than a ziploc sandwich bag. I had so much I wanted to say to him .
. . that even though I was ready to go out on my own and start a new life, I
loved him and appreciated him for everything he taught me. But all of that
was just bottled up inside me, ready to burst out. Like a goat that hadn't
been milked in a month. Finally, I did what any red blooded Mypiot boy
would do . . . I talked to my sheep. I was sitting on a rock telling my
story to four of the more patient sheep, when, just as I finished, one of the
sheep said he would miss me, too. I was very touched. Then I
realized, this is a sheep talking. At that moment, my father stepped out
from behind a tree. He had heard every word. That talk made us a
real father and son again. That's what you and your father need to
do." "I know, Balki, but it doesn't look like it's going to
happen," Larry sighs. Balki says he'll help with that and calls Mr.
Appleton over. "What is it?" Mr. Appleton asks. Larry
struggles to begin. "Dad, I . . . uh . . . I'm not good at expressing
my feelings. It's just that I want to say that I'm so . . . "
"Sorry . . . " Balki fills in. " . . . for getting us into
this mess and . . . that I really . . . uh . . . " "Care about
you . . . " Balki inserts. "A lot. And uh . . . As long as
I can remember, I've always looked up to you. All I ever wanted was your .
. . " "Respect . . . " "I know I've made a few
mistakes along the way but everything I've done, including getting us stuck in
the basement, I did because I wanted to hear you say . . . " Larry
takes a deep breath. Balki starts to speak but Larry shuts him up.
"'Well done.' I've always just wanted to hear you say 'well
done.' And now I guess I'll never hear it." "Listen uh,
son . . . " Mr. Appleton begins, also struggling, "I know I criticize
you a lot but it's only because I want you to be the best you can be. I
want you to know you make me very . . . very . . . "
"Proud," Balki fills in. "I'm always telling the neighbors
you're really . . . " "Wonderful." "I tell
everyone. I guess I should have told you, too. I love you,
Lawrence." "I love you too, Dad," Larry adds. They
stare at each other for an awkward beat wanting to hug but not sure how.
Balki gently pushes them into a hug. It's quick. Larry says he's
never been happier despite the fact they're about to die and Mr. Appleton points
out they're not dead yet. This is when Balki mentions MacGyver and they
talk about the chemistry set, although the dialogue is a little different.
After Balki asks if this is the chemistry set Larry won't let him play with and
Larry says it's dangerous and that's why they keep it in the basement, the three
of them say "The basement!" Then Larry says, "I love that
chemistry set. It was the best Christmas present I ever got."
"I believe it was a birthday present," Mr. Appleton corrects.
"No, Dad, I distinctly remember . . . " Larry begins.
"Excuse me," Balki interrupts, "but could you two settle this
later? We have a bomb to build." They start to look for the
chemistry set on the upper shelves.
- In the next scene, Balki, Jennifer,
Mary Anne, Lydia, Mr. Gorpley and Mr. Appleton are holding a small piece of
plywood as Larry mixes chemicals on top of it. Larry picks up bottles, one
after another. Note: Gorpley has flipped his tie over his shoulder to keep
it dry. (Note: Level 3) "Let's see," Larry thinks,
"potash, fulminate of mercury or potassium nitrate?" "Who
are we kidding?" Mr. Gorpley asks, "He's going to choke."
Mr. Appleton defends Larry. Jennifer encourages Larry and Larry worries
that it's not coming back. "Well, if it was me, Larry, I'd go with
ten percent sulfur, fifteen percent charcoal, and seventy-five percent potassium
nitrate." After everyone looks at her, Mary Anne explains, "My
dentist subscribes to Soldier of Fortune magazine." Larry finishes
and they decide they can use Mr. Gorpley's tie as a fuse. Mr. Gorpley
points out that it's a fifty dollar tie. When they keep approaching him,
he says, "I'll sell it to you for five." "Just give them
the tie, Sam," Lydia insists. Larry has Balki lift him on his
shoulders and he sets the carton in place. "Perfect," Larry
says, then, "Matches." They all look at each other.
"I knew it," Mr. Gorpley sighs. Mr. Appleton then gives Larry
the lighter, which Larry recognizes as the one he gave his father.
"But I thought you gave up smoking," Larry says. "I
did," Mr. Appleton explains, "This is a gift from my son and I'll
carry it as long as I like. So get off my back." "Speaking
of getting off one's back," Balki interrupts, "did you know that wet
clothes can add forty pounds to a person's weight?" After they light
the tie and scurry away and it fizzles out, Mr. Gorpley says, "I knew it
didn't have a prayer." The door blows open and Larry encourages
everyone to get out. "Wait a minute," his Dad stops him, "I
have something I want to say." "Can't this wait, Dad?"
Larry asks. "No. You've waited long enough. Well done,
son." (THEN) "Now we can leave."
- The last scene starts with Larry and
his Dad at the front door. This script indicates Mr. Appleton had his
suitcase with him. Larry says he wishes his Dad didn't have to leave so
soon and Mr. Appleton explains he wants to avoid the rush hour on I-94.
"Yeah, but if you take the Kennedy expressway to the tri-state north until
it hits ninety-four, you'll avoid the rush hour and it will save you fifteen
minutes," Larry points out. "Son, I've been driving between
Chicago and Madison for twenty years and . . . I think I'll try your way this
time," Mr. Appleton smiles. Balki comes out and offers them
(SOMETHING MYPOSIAN), pig bladder stuffed with cheese. After they all
react, Balki says, "I know, I know. The traditional recipe calls for
day-old yak milk, but I had to do something with those cheese
wheels." "Thank you, Balki," Mr. Appleton offers, "I
don't know what to say." They ad-lib goodbyes and Mr. Appleton
leaves. Balki and Larry walk to the couch and sit down. After Balki
says, "There's not much else to do," Larry says, "There's a lot
to be said for that. Thanks again for your help." "You're
very welcome, Cousin," Balki says, "The only way to have a strong
relationship with anyone is to be open and honest with them."
"You're absolutely right, Balki," Larry agrees, "and that's
exactly how all my relationships will be from now on." "Cousin,
I think we should celebrate your new resolve with a (MYPOSIAN DISH MENTIONED
EARLIER). I made a few extra." "Well, the be perfectly
honest, I hate pig bladder," Larry confesses. "Cousin, thank you
for being honest," Balki says, "How about (SOMETHING MYPOSIAN?)"
"What's that?" Larry asks. "Chocolate cake," Balki
answers. "Sounds great," Larry smiles. "With goat
spleen frosting," Bali adds. On Larry's reaction, the show fades out.
There were also a few different
variations in the shooting draft dated September 20, 1989:
- This version of the script
starts the way the show starts, with everyone screaming at the door. After
Lydia says she doesn't want to die "in this ensemble," Balki asks,
"Miss Lydia, what are you worried about? No one's ever died from
electrolysis. We could all live without hair on our legs."
"Balki, not electrolysis, electrocution," Larry corrects, "We're
going to be electrocuted like a bug on a bug zapper." "Oh.
That could be dangerous," Balki realizes. "I don't want to
die," Lydia screams, "I don't want to die!" Lydia starts
beating on the door. "Lydia, calm down," Jennifer urges,
"Pull yourself together. Nothing's doing to happen. No one's
going to die." Lydia calms down and says, "Thank you,
Jennifer." Jennifer then turns to Mary Anne and hysterically grabs
her, screaming, "I don't want to die! I don't want to
die!" Larry tells them to get a hold of themselves and points out
that if they keep their wits about them they will think of a way to keep from
dying. They think and Gorpley says he's got nothing. Everyone
ad-libs the same. After Larry suggests they could stop the water by
finding something to stuff in the pipe, Gorpley suggests Lydia and Lydia
suggests Gorpley's heart. The rest of the scene with the mannequin head is
the same except for the end. After Balki pulls out the mannequin head and
screams, he throws it aside, crying, "Cousin!" and dives into the
water. Larry stands up and is suddenly yanked off his feet. Balki
comes up out of the water holding Larry's feet. "Don't worry. I
found him," Balki reports.
- The next scene starts the
same. After Balki suggests they could knock the door down with one of the
beams, Larry repeats, "I got it. We could knock the door down with
one of these beams." "Is there an echo in here?" Balki
asks. "Not a bad idea, Lawrence," Mr. Appleton says, "Of
course Balki had it first." The rest of the scene is pretty much the
same as what aired.
- There is a different opening to act
two. Lydia is inside an innertube with her hands draped over the
sides. Gorpley is holding onto the rope tied to the tube. Jennifer
and Mary Anne are standing on the collapsed landing. Larry is over by the
broken pipe., tapping on it with a hammer. "Somebody's bound to hear
this," Larry explains. Balki is near the camera left pipe. He
hears Larry's tapping and thinks it's someone upstairs. He answers
back. Larry hears this and thinks someone is answering the tap. He
taps back. "I've made contact," Larry says. "I have
too, Cousin," Balki reports. Balki taps again on the pipe.
Larry realizes what's happened. He taps back. "There they are
again!" Balki says. Larry goes to Balki as Balki keeps tapping.
"Balki," Larry says. "Cousin, they've stopped," Balki
says, "They must be on their way down to save us." "Give me
that hammer," Larry insists. "You caught on sooner than I
thought you would, Appleton," Mr. Gorpley smirks. "Let's face
it," Jennifer sighs, "Nobody in this building is going to think that
noise from the pipes is unusual." This is when Larry says they've had
a little setback. (Editor's note: Since Larry says this on the steps in
the final episode we can assume none of this pipe-tapping segment was ever
filmed)
- Instead of just scolding Mr. Gorpley,
Balki scolds everyone, asking if they've never made a mistake before.
Gorpley still replies, "Yeah, coming to this party." After Mary
Anne makes the comment that if they don't get out of there soon they may as well
forget about the party, Jennifer says, "Mary Anne, don't you get it?
We're all going to die if somebody doesn't find us in the next twenty
minutes." "Well, actually it's fifteen minutes," Mr.
Appleton corrects, "At least let's all try to go out with some
dignity." This is when Lydia gets hysterical and Gorpley goes to slap
her like in the first draft script.
- Balki's story about his father is
also in this script but has changed since the first draft. Balki says,
"But father's don't always say what they feel. I thought my father
was angry at me when I decided to come to America. When I first told him
he clammed up tighter than a ziploc sandwich bag. For months the only time
he talked to me was to tell me to do my chores. "Shear that
sheep. Milk that goat. Stomp those grapes." You see, my
father had bought one of those home wine making kits. He made a nice full
body cabernet. But that's another story. Then one morning I went out
to the flock early and saw my father, sitting on a rock, talking to four of the
more patient sheep. He was telling them how happy he was for his son,
Balki, to be going to America. He told Sternos, that was the lead sheep
and the best listener, that he had always dreamed his son would go to America,
but now that the moment was here, he realized how much he would miss him being
so far away. I said, 'Poppa, I will miss you, too.' At first he
thought it was one of the sheep talking. Then he saw me and realized I had
heard everything. He threw his arms around me and we were a real father
and son once again. I think if you would talk to your father, you'd be
surprised at how he feels."
- Larry's talk with his father is
mostly the same as in the show, except that after telling the story about
getting a ninety-six on a test and his father asking what happened to the other
four points Larry adds, "That happened all through school."
After Larry points out to his father that he never told him how proud he was,
Mr. Appleton says, "I guess my great shortcoming is being unable to express
my feelings to those I love the most." Larry replies, "I love
you too, Dad." The rest of the scene is the same.
- It is still described that Balki,
Jennifer, Mary Anne, Lydia, Mr. Gorpley and Mr. Appleton are holding a small
piece of plywood for Larry to work on in this script. It also still says
Gorpley has his tie flipped over his shoulder. As Larry is working to mix
the chemicals, Balki is playing with a bottle and says, "Oh, look,
Cousin. When you put this in the water it turns purple."
"Give me that," Larry scolds, taking the bottle and throwing it across
the room. Gorpley offers to sell them his tie for twenty dollars in this
version. Larry asks for matches instead of just something to light it
with. After Balki picks Larry up on his shoulders and walks him to the
door he makes the comment, "It's true what they say: wet clothes can add
forty pounds to a person's weight." At the end of the scene Mr.
Appleton says he has something to say and Larry asks if it can wait.
"No, you've waited long enough. Well done, son," and then,
"Now we can leave," just as in the first draft script.
- The last scene is pretty much the
same, except Balki makes the comment about the pig bladder stuffed with cheese
recipe calling for day-old yak milk but having to do something with those cheese
wheels, as in the first draft. Also Mr. Appleton says goodbye to Larry
first and then Balki. At the very end, after Balki offers the Myposian
saying and Larry says, "Words to live by," Larry adds, "Thanks
again for your help." "And thank you for saving my life,"
Balki offers, "Of course you wouldn't have had to save my life if you
hadn't endangered it in the first place." "Sorry about that,
Balki," Larry says, then suggests they relax for the rest of the weekend,
leading to Balki suggesting they go downstairs to the basement and take a dip,
as in the aired episode.
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