Nielsen Rating: 13.1 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 71 - Teacher's Pest
First Air Date: April 28, 1989
Nielsen Rating: 13.1 HH
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Tom Devanney
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Guest Cast:
JoMarie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
F.J. O’Neil: Mr. R.T. Wainwright
Joshua Cadman: Football Player (Chuck)
Judy Prescott: Student #1 (Pam - with the magazine)
Eva LaRue: "A" Student
Craig Gini: Student #2
Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode.
Balki-isms:
"Big Sheepherder on Campus."
"He may seem tough now, but once you get to know him you’ll find he’s
totally without merit."
"What about one that looks like Cybil Sheepherder?"
"I’m at my end of a soap on a rope!"
"You don’t have to paint me a photograph."
"I’m gonna get taller from this?"
"Your standards are so high I can’t even see them from here!"
" . . . and before you know it those sheep are playing leap sheep all
over the meadow."
Don’t be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"I don’t think so."
"Come in!" (in stereo)
"Oh my Lord!"
"Po po po!"
Other running jokes used in this episode:
The Dance of Joy
Larry does his breathy laugh
Songs: "Never Gonna Give You Up" - Balki sings this when he enters the basement from the loading dock after delivering some mail
Interesting facts:
- The title of this episode is a pun based on the expression
"teacher's pet," which is a student shown special favor by a teacher.
- The song Balki sings at the beginning of the show, Never Gonna Give You
Up, was a popular 1987 hit performed by Rick Astley. Oddly enough, the video
for this song is now part of a popular internet prank in which victims are
"Rickrolled" by receiving an e-mail in which a link is provided and
said to be for something else, but instead leads the person to the video for
this song. And now there is a specific "RickRoll" prank
involving Balki's performance of the song on this episode! You may have
noticed several links popping up around the internet lately labeled
"Bronson Pinchot Sex Tape!" Well, if you click on the link, it
takes you to the video of Balki singing this song!
-
Balki is now in junior college but his classes are in the same school
building where his high school courses were held.
- The ornate folder in which Balki has his news story turns up later in the
episode Poetry in Motion as Balki’s Myposian Microwave Cookbook.
- Actor Joshua Cadman, who appears in this episode as the football player
named Chuck, made appearances in episodes of Happy Days and Laverne
& Shirley, as well as an episode of Full House.
- Actress Eva LaRue would have a recurring role in The George Lopez Show which
co-starred Belita Moreno. She is probably best known for her role as Dr. Maria
Santos Grey on All My Children, and has had recurring roles in Third
Watch, Soul Food, and most recently CSI: Miami. You can visit her
official website here.
- Balki mentions that Mr. Wainwright attended the prestigious Columbia School
of Journalism. Indeed, Columbia University in New York is indeed one of the most
noted schools of journalism in the United States. Balki then mentions that Mr.
Wainwright’s instructor was Edward R. Murrow. Murrow was a very famous
and well-respected journalist who gained prominence for his radio news reports during World War II.
He was also a pioneer of television journalism and was a very prominent figure
during the McCarthy hearings in the 1950's. He also developed and hosted a very
popular celebrity interview series entitled Person to Person in 1953.
The 2005
film, Good Night and Good Luck, was about Murrow’s conflict with
Senator McCarthy. There seems to be no indication that Murrow ever taught at
Columbia University, however.
-
Cousin nighttime59 worked on deciphering the writing on the blackboard
behind Larry and Balki while they are fighting over Wainwright's report and
deduced it is Brutus' oration from Act Three, Scene Two of William Shakespeare's
Julius Caesar!
- Footage from a rehearsal or run-through of this
episode were seen in ABC's Something's Happening, Yeah! promotional spots for
the 1989-90 season. You can now watch the full-length version of this
commercial on our YouTube
channel.
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- If you look closely in the first classroom scene, the student named Chuck
starts out sitting at a desk that is in the second row. But suddenly in the
middle of the scene he is sitting in the front row, and the girl to his right is
trying very hard to hide her notes from him. When did he move and why?
Read the
script variations below to find out!
Synopsis:
The episode begins in the basement of the Chicago Chronicle. Larry is at his
desk putting things into his briefcase and Harriette is standing by the
elevator, reading a magazine. Mr. Wainwright enters from the loading dock
calling, "Appleton?" "Yes sir, Mr. Wainwright?" Larry
responds, stepping up to his boss. "Every year one of our reporters teaches
a journalism course at Chicago Community College," Wainwright explains,
"I asked Walpole who he would recommend and he picked you." "Me?" Larry asks, "Well, I’m flattered!
I’m honored! This is
a big compliment!" "I knew you’d make a big deal out of this,"
Wainwright sighs in frustration. "I didn’t mean to," Larry
apologizes, "It’s just that of all the people at the Chronicle the fact
that he picked me . . . " "Appleton," Wainwright moans.
"Am
I doing it again?" Larry asks. "Yes," Wainwright confirms.
"Sorry," Larry says.
Mr. Wainwright hands Larry a piece of paper, explaining, "Here are all
the details on the course." Wainwright turns to leave. "Sir
. . . I’ll
try to make you proud of me," Larry promises. "I’ll be satisfied if
you just don’t embarrass the Chronicle," Mr. Wainwright smiles painfully
and he walks back to the loading dock. Larry hurries to the elevator, saying,
"Harriette, did you hear that? They want me to teach a college class."
"Mmm hmm," Harriette hums, not looking up from her magazine. "Maybe I’ll get the class to publish their own newspaper," Larry
says excitedly, "I can divide ‘em up into departments . . . business,
editorial, sports, politics. Ooh, maybe I could take them all to
Washington!" "Stop the presses, baby," Harriette says, "This
is junior college, not Time magazine." "Harriette, this is my chance
to make a mark on the future of American journalism," Larry explains,
"I’ll be molding the minds of tomorrow." "First they burn a
hole in the ozone layer," Harriette remarks, "Now they’ve got you
molding minds. World’s getting scarier all the time!" Harriette steps
into the elevator and closes the door.
Larry walks back to his desk as Balki enters from the loading dock, carrying
a wire basket. Balki sings "Never Gonna Give You 
Up" as he dances,
then puts the basket on the table and picks up his jacket. Balki dances over to
Larry’s desk, jerking his hips in time with the music. "Balki . . . Balki,"
Larry interrupts, "before you do injury to some major muscle group, let me
tell you the good news. Guess who’s going to be teaching journalism at your
school." Balki gets excited and guesses, "Walter Cronkite?"
"No," Larry says. "Ted Koppel?" Balki guesses. "No."
"Willard Scott?" Balki tries, even more excitedly. "No, no, no, no, Balki," Larry says, "Me!"
Balki looks
confused and finally asks, "You? You’re not even on television.
What do
you know about journalism?" "Newspaper journalism," Larry
explains. "Then you’d be perfect!" Balki says happily. "Thank
you," Larry smiles. "Cousin, I can’t believe I know a college
teacher," Balki says, "This makes me a BSOC." "BSOC?"
Larry asks. "Big sheepherder on campus," Balki explains.
The next scene takes place at Balki’s community college at night.
We see a
classroom with a small number of students who are talking amongst themselves.
Larry enters, carrying a box under one arm and his briefcase and some folders
under the other 
(he’s also wearing a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches
to look more like college professor). The students take their seats as Larry
walks to the front of the class and sets the items on his desk. "I’d like
to welcome you to Journalism 101, Introduction to News Writing" Larry
begins, taking a step and tripping over something so that he falls forward on
his face behind the desk. He gets up again quickly and continues, moving to the
chalkboard. "Now, let me introduce myself. My name is . . . "
Larry
goes to write his name on the chalkboard and the piece of chalk breaks in half
and falls on the floor. Larry proceeds to write his name on the board with the
broken piece of chalk still in his hand, only as he writes it out he leaves the
‘L’ out of Appleton so it reads "Mr. Appeton" instead. "Mr.
Appleton," Larry says, underlining his name then realizing he wrote it
wrong, "Appeton . . . Appleton . . . "
Larry attempts to rewrite his name, using an eraser to help correct it, but
it comes out looking worse than before so he gives up, setting the chalk on the
tray below the board. It falls off. He sets the eraser on the tray as well.
It
also falls off. Larry picks them up off the floor and carefully sets them on the
corner of his desk instead. The small class of students just look at him.
"I’d, uh, like to give you a little background on myself," Larry
continues, walking in front of his desk. The door of the room bursts open and
Balki rushes in, shouting, "Cousin! Cousin! Great news!"
Balki runs to
the front of the class and hugs Larry. "Great news! My class was canceled
and so now I get to take your class! And now we are so happy, we do the
Dance of Joy!" Balki starts doing the Dance of Joy but Larry doesn’t join
in. "Balki . . . Balki," Larry tries to interrupt. "What?"
Balki asks. "I have a class in session," Larry points out.
Balki looks around and sees the students.
"Oh," he says, "Uh,
I’m sorry. Cousin Larry, I . . . " "Balki," Larry says firmly,
"in front 
of the students you should call me Mr. Appleton." Balki
looks surprised. "Mr. Appleton?" he asks. Larry nods slightly.
Balki
turns away, pointing at Larry and saying to a student, "Mr. Appleton."
He says to a female student, "I’m his cousin. He lets me call him Cousin
Larry at home." Balki takes a seat behind the girl. "Now I was going
to tell you about my background," Larry reminds them. The girl sitting
behind Balki, who has ben reading an issue of Femme magazine, raises her hand
and says, "Excuse me." "Yes?" Larry asks. "Is this
going to be on the final exam?" she asks. "No," Larry answers.
"Oh," the girl answers, and goes back to reading her magazine. "Well, uh, getting back to my background," Larry continues, "For
the past two years I have been intimately involved with the day-to-day operation
of one of America’s great newspapers, The Chicago Chronicle." "I can
vouch for that," Balki says, "He works in the basement with me."
"For the past few months I’ve been working closely with the Pulitzer
Prize-winning investigative reporting team of Marshall and Walpole," Larry
continues. "And get this!" Balki says, "Not only do they
sometimes let him write but they send him out for lunch 
every single day."
"Balki," Larry tries to interrupt. "And he never gets it wrong.
I
don’t know how he does it. Except, there was that one time . . . the egg salad
incident . . . " "Excuse me, excuse me," Larry says, walking back
to Balki’s desk, "Excuse me." Balki holds his arms out for a hug but
Larry pushes him back by the face instead. "Look, I am the teacher, you are
the student," Larry explains, "I talk. You listen." "Just
like at home," Balki smiles. Balki moves forward again for a hug but Larry
pushes him back. "Now," Larry says, walking back to the front of the
class, "your first assignment will be to take any ordinary event that you
see or hear about in the next few days and write it as a news story. To help
you, I have prepared this concise, easy-to-read forty-seven page guide on how to
write a news story." Larry pulls a folder from the box to show the class.
"Excuse me," the girl with the magazine raises her hand again,
"Is this going to be on the final?" "Yes," Larry
answers. "Oh fine," the girl whines, putting her magazine down to pay
attention. "He may seem tough now," Balki tells her, "But once
you get to know him you’ll find he’s totally without merit." Larry
gives Balki a look.
In the apartment several days later, Balki runs in the door carrying a
notepad and crying, "Cousin! Cousin! Is this . . . is this good enough for
my news story? I just saw a cloud in the sky that looks like a bull moose."
"I don’t think so," Larry says, smiling politely. "How about
one that looks like Cybil Sheepherder?" Balki asks. "Balki, I think
you’re going to have to come up with 
something a little more
substantial," Larry notes. "But what, Cousin? What?" Balki asks,
"I’ve been looking for days and I can’t come up with anything. I’m at
the end of my soap on a rope! Come on, Cousin, just . . . will you just give me
a, just a little tiny itty bitty little hint?" "Balki, it wouldn’t
be fair to the other students in the class if I gave you special
treatment," Larry points out. "But, Cousin, I want my paper to be the
best one in the class," Balki says, "Come on, Cousin. Just . . . just
give me a little hint. Just . . . let it out." Balki motions to his lips
and then Larry’s lips (or lip, as the case may be), finally grabbing them and
opening them to mimic Larry speaking. "Just . . . let it out. You just
thinking, and it comes down the nerve endings and it pops out," Balki says,
still pulling open Larry’s lips, "Please, Cousin, just a little
hint?" Balki opens Larry’s lips as Larry firmly says, "No."
There is a knock at the front door and they both call "Come in!"
Jennifer and Mary Anne enter wearing their stewardess uniforms. They cross the
room and Larry and Balki get up to meet them. "Oh, welcome home!"
Balki cries, hugging Jennifer 
briefly then grabbing Mary Anne up off the floor
to hug her, "Welcome home! Welcome home!" "You won’t believe what
happened on our flight," Jennifer tells Larry. "A fight broke
out!" Mary Anne says. "There was a fight on the plane?" Larry
asks. "Yes," Jennifer nods, "Some of the people in the no-smoking
section started smoking. Well, some of the non-smokers got upset. The next thing
we knew people started shoving each other." "And food was flying
everywhere!" Mary Anne adds. "Well, that is quite a story,"
Larry says, making eyes to Balki as a way of giving him a hint, "That’s
some exciting news. Isn’t that exciting news? Balki?"
Balki
is looking at Larry strangely and finally asks, "Have you got a tick?"
"Balki is looking for a news story for my journalism class," Larry
explains to the girls. "And I can’t find one anywhere," Balki
complains, "I . . . " Balki suddenly gasps. "I could write about
the food fight on the aeroplane!" "Well, there’s a thought,"
Larry says, "Balki, you have got quite a nose for news." "Well,
it is the pride of Mypos," Balki brags, showing off his nose proudly.
Some days later Balki and Larry are in the apartment at night and Larry is
setting his briefcase on the kitchen table. "Cousin, will 
you grade my news
story?" Balki asks. "Oh, Balki, no," Larry says, walking to the
couch, "I just got back from class, I really don’t feel like grading
papers." "Oh Cousin, please?" Balki begs, "Please grade my
paper." "No." "Oh please?" "No."
"Please?" "No." "Please?" "No."
"Please?" "No." After a pause Balki again asks,
"Please?" "All right," Larry gives in. Balki jumps up from
the couch and runs to the table where he grabs his story from a stack of folders
on the table. The cover is decorated with tassels and shiny metal dangling
ornaments which rattle as he hands it to Larry. "Nice cover," Larry
notes. "It can also be used as a tambourine," Balki explains,
"Most of my teachers give me extra credit for presentation." Balki
throws an arm around Larry’s shoulder and sidles up next to him, opening he
cover of the story for him to begin. "Balki, why don’t you find something
else to do while I grade your paper?" Larry suggests.
"Oh, I get it," Balki finally understands, "You don’t have
to paint me a photograph. Well, I’ll just, uh . . . I’ll just be doing some
light 
housework . . . over there." Balki gets up and walks to the counter
where he grabs a feather duster and starts dusting the bookshelves without much
enthusiasm, looking over his shoulder as Larry reads his story. Balki extends
the handle of the feather duster and moves closer to the couch, trying to watch
Larry read. Balki extends the handle again, moving even closer to the couch
while still dusting the bookshelves and still trying to read over Larry’s
shoulder. Balki finally extends the handle of the duster one last time and is
standing right behind the couch while still dusting the shelves. He leans on the
back of the couch and reads over Larry’s shoulder. Larry stops reading and
looks up at Balki, who finally notices Larry is looking at him. "I thought
you were dusting over there," Larry says. "I am dusting over
there," Balki points out, and Larry looks over to see the feather duster
extending all the way to the bookshelves.
Larry finishes looking at the story and announces, "Okay, I’m
done." Balki sets the duster down over the couch and runs around to the
front as Larry marks the story. "Oh Cousin," Balki says excitedly,
"I’m so . . . I’m so excited! How did I do?" "Well, Balki,
remember . . . this is your first attempt," Larry answers. "Oh, I want
an A plus," Balki says, "But I know that this is my first attempt 
at a
news story and . . . and there’s probably room for improvement, so I . . . I
guess I better be prepared to live with an A." Balki takes his story from
Larry and smiles before opening the cover. Balki keeps smiling but his eyes open
wide in disbelief. Slowly his smile falters and he leans toward Larry asking,
"An F?" "I’m sorry, Balki, but there were some fundamental
mistakes," Larry explains, "Now, I know you’re a little
disappointed. But look at this as a growth experience." "I’m gonna
get taller from this?" Balki asks. "No," Larry says, "No, I
mean one can often learn more from failure than from success." "Can I
learn a little less and get a C?" Balki asks. "No," Larry
answers, "no, no. Balki, I know I set my grading standards high but I
expect a lot from my students. Now, if you work really hard someday you’ll get
a paper back from me with an A on it and it will really mean something."
"Well, that’s something to shoot for," Balki says sarcastically.
Larry pats Balki’s arm and smiles, saying, "That’s the spirit. Good
night, buddy." Larry walks to his bedroom and as Balki look at his grade
again in shock and the scene fades.
Act two begins at the school where class is in session.
Larry is at the
blackboard, lecturing the class. "Keep that in mind when you are writing.
Remember, when you organize those long, complicated sentences, try a
semi-colon." Larry extends a retractable pointer and points to the
semi-colons in several sentences written out on the board. "It may be just
what you need to save your story." Larry shuts the telescoping pointer and
catches his finger in it, wincing in pain. He opens it enough to free his finger
and throws the pointer down, sucking on the sore finger. "Now," Larry
continues, "before we run out of time . . . Balki, could you give me a hand
handing back the news story assignments?" Balki sits, looking surprised.
"Balki?" Larry asks again. Balki gets up and walks to Larry, saying,
"But, Cousin, as an F student I’m not qualified to pass out papers."
"Balki, you are not an F student," Larry insists. "I’m
not?" Balki asks hopefully. "You’re a good student . . . who did F
work," Larry explains.
"You gonna pass out the papers or are we gonna grow old together?"
a large male student named Chuck asks. Larry hands Balki 
some of the papers and
together they start passing them out to the students. "Now, I did see a lot
of potential in these papers, but there’s also a lot of room for
improvement," Larry says. Chuck looks at his paper and says, "Hey . .
. wait a minute. This looks like an F." "It is an F," Larry
confirms, "But maybe with some hard work your next assignment can be a
D." "Hey, I got an F, too," another male student complains.
Everyone in the class starts to complain about their grades. "All right,
now, now," Larry says, "hey, remember . . . " "Jerk,"
Chuck says to Larry. "One can often learn more from failure than from
success," Larry finishes. "Who is this guy? Mr. Rogers?" Chuck
asks rhetorically. "I have never gotten an F in my life!" the girl in
front of Balki says angrily. "You failed all of us?" Pam asks.
"And this from a guy who works in a basement!" the other male student
points out.
Everyone in the class continues to complain.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey!" Larry says, holding his hands up to stop the 
complaining, "I
know this first assignment was tough but this is all aimed at making you good
journalists." "Who wants to be a journalist?" Chuck asks, "I
wanna be a linebacker!" The bell rings and the students stand up and walk
out in a huff, most leaving their papers behind on their desks. "Geek!" Pam calls behind her.
"Meatball," Chuck adds. The
students all leave except for Balki, who sits at his desk eyeing Larry with
concern. "I wonder what got into them?" Larry asks. "You failed
the entire class?" Balki asks in disbelief. "Well, Balki, I told you I
set my standards high," Larry says. "Your standards are so high I can’t
even see them from here!" Balki says, getting up and walking to Larry.
"Balki, my standards are not that high!" Larry protests,
"If I want to bring out the best in my students they’re just gonna have
to learn from their mistakes. Like you did."
"What are you talking about?" Balki asks.
"Well, I read your
second attempt at a story and, believe me, you improved!" Larry 
smiles.
"What? I . . . what second attempt at a story?" Balki asks.
"Look, I know you were embarrassed to show it to me after the F but I saw
your story on the kitchen table this morning so I thought I’d help you out and
grade it," Larry explains, pulling a folder out of his briefcase and
handing it to Balki. "Oh, Cousin, this isn’t my story," Balki says,
sitting on the corner of Larry’s desk, "This is Mr. Wainwright’s story
that he wrote in college." Larry takes the folder back and asks, "Mr.
Wainwright wrote this?" "Yeah," Balki answers, taking the folder,
"He gave it to me so that I could learn by looking at a really good news
story. It must be good. He got an A on it from the prestigious Columbia
University School of Journalism." Larry pauses, then asks, "He got an
A on it?" "Yeah," Balki answers, then catches on and eyes Larry
curiously, asking, "What grade did you give him?"
"Doesn’t make any difference," Larry smiles uncomfortably,
grabbing the edge of the folder, "It’s not your paper." Larry pulls
on 
the folder but Balki holds onto it tightly, pulling it back. "But Mr.
Wainwright give it to me," Balki notes. "And you left it on the
kitchen table," Larry points out, trying to pull it away again but Balki
still holds onto it tightly. "But . . . but that don’t mean that you can
take it," Balki says. "Finder keepers," Larry argues.
They pull
the folder back and forth until Larry finally manages to yank it out of Balki’s
hand. Balki immediately starts tickling Larry which causes him to throw the
folder into the air. Balki catches it and Larry lunges for it but Balki manages
to hold him back with one arm while holding the folder out at arm’s length
where Larry can’t reach it. Balki manages to get the folder open and holds it
out again, his mouth opening in shock as Larry freezes, his arm outstretched.
"You gave Mr. Wainwright a C minus?" Balki gasps.
Larry stands up straight and tries to defend himself.
"I had my reasons. There was no name, several comma problems and I 
thought it went on a bit."
Larry realizes he can’t get out of this one. "Columbia School of
Journalism?" he asks. "His instructor was Edward R. Murrow,"
Balki adds. Larry gets a pained look on his face. "Oh my Lord!" he
moans. "Cousin, I . . . I’ve got to go to another class," Balki
says, holding back his laughter. He looks at Larry and says, "Po po po!"
as he gets his school bag and leaves the room. Larry stands alone in the class,
looking at Wainwright’s story, and moans, "Edward R. Murrow?" Larry
locks his briefcase and walks to the door to leave. When he opens the door,
Chuck is standing outside, giving Larry a menacing look. "I want to discuss
my grade," Chuck says seriously, " . . . and your face." "I’ll
be with you in just a moment," Larry says, shutting the door quickly and
locking it, then pulling down the shade.
Later that night, Balki is sitting at the counter in the apartment
with a cup of hot chocolate when Larry
finally comes in. "Hi, Cousin. Where have you been?" Balki asks.
Larry
sits at the counter and sighs, "I’ve been sitting in my classroom waiting
for security to walk me out of the building. You know, during those four hours .
. . I did some thinking. And uh . . . I think I went a little over the edge with
this 
class." "You know, Cousin, on Mypos when we teach sheep to jump
over a fence, we don’t just take them to the Great Wall of Mypos on the very
first day and say ‘Jump, mutton head!’" Balki explains, "No, we
start little. First, you teach the sheep to jump over your foot, which can be
very encouraging for the sheep. Although, at times, painful for the teacher.
But
. . . but what you do, you, little by little, you make the goals higher and
higher and before you know it those sheep are playing leap sheep all over the
meadow." "You’re right, Balki," Larry nods, "It was an
introductory class. I was too hard on them." "Well, you still have
time to change," Balki points out. "One of the things I did while I
was hiding under my desk was to grade those papers over again," Larry says.
"Did . . . did you . . . did you grade mine?" Balki asks hopefully.
"Yes, I did," Larry answers, "This time I graded purely on
content. You got an A . . . " "I got an A?" Balki
cries excitedly. "Balki, you got an A minus," Larry finishes.
"An A minus?" Balki asks with disappointment. "Hey, gimme a break," Larry
says, "The best I could do for Mr. Wainwright was a B."
Script Variations:
There are a few
segments in the
shooting script dated April 3, 1989 which didn't make it into the final
episode:
- In
the script, Balki is to enter singing "Iko Iko" instead of "Never
Gonna Give You Up." There is no direction for dancing, so Larry's
line is "Balki, before you get to the second verse, let me tell you the
good news."
- After the Big Sheepherder on Campus
line, Balki asks, "When is it?" Larry looks at the sheet of
paper and says, "Tuesdays and Thursdays. Seven to eight
thirty." "Oh, bummer on a stick," Balki sighs, "That's
bad for me. I have another class then." Larry facetiously says,
"Oh, too bad." "Well, at least we'll be at the same
school." (At this point in the script there is a direction which must
have been an in joke . . . it reads "They start to lave and we mean
NOW.") "We can meet at the cafeteria before class," Balki
continues, "Now, this is very important. You always want to stay away
from the fish sticks. And the creamed corn . . . " "Balki,
I won't have time for fish sticks," Larry assures him, "I'll be
molding young minds." "Speaking of mold," Balki says,
"stay away from the cheese sandwiches."
- When Larry first starts teaching the
class, he says, "I'd like to introduce you to 'Journalism 101: Introduction
to Newswriting.'" He then makes a joke, "If you're here for
Chemistry 101, you're welcome to stay but you won't get credit for the
class." Larry laughs at his own joke but no one else does.
- After Pam asks if Larry's background
is going to be on the final exam and he says it won't, he notices the
"A" student in the front row (called Student #1 in the script) is
ready to take notes. "This is not going to be on the exam,"
Larry tells her, "You don't have to take notes." "I'm an
'A' student," she says, "I don't take chances."
"Neither do I," Chuck comments, and moves from his desk to the desk
next to hers to copy her notes. The 'A' student continues to write but
covers her notes.
- When Balki runs in all excited about
a possible news story, he says he saw a cloud that looks like a camel instead of
a bull moose. He then asks about one that looks like Shelly Hack instead
of Cybil Sheepherder.
- After Mary Anne and Jennifer tell
Balki and Larry about the food flying during the fight on the plane, Balki asks,
"Are you girls okay?" "We're fine," Mary Anne assures
him, "I'm just glad we hadn't served the ice cream yet."
Jennifer then adds, "We managed to get everybody calmed down before we
landed." At the end of the scene, Balki doesn't say his nose is the
pride of Mypos. Instead he says to the girls, "Now, come on, I have
to interview you like a real reporter. Mary Anne, Jennifer, sit down,
please." Balki sits them on the couch. "I want to get all
the facts," Balki explains, "It may be hard for you, but the public
has the right to know. Let's start from the beginning. Mary Anne,
what's your name?" "Mary Anne," she answers.
"And what's your name?" Balki asks Jennifer. Jennifer and Larry
exchange a look before she replies, "Jennifer." "And what
do you ladies do for a living?" Balki asks. "They're flight
attendants," Larry says impatiently. "Page fourteen of the
guide, 'Accuracy is important,'" Balki reminds Larry, then continues,
"I have to get it from the horse's mouth. Nothing personal."
- The next scene actually begins with
Larry and Balki entering the apartment. "I think class went
well," Larry notes, "They seemed enthusiastic about turning in their
first assignment." "Cousin, can you grade my paper?" Balki
asks. "You know, I'm really enjoying being a teacher," Larry
smiles. "Can you grade my paper?" Balki asks. "I
think I'm starting to make a connection with the students," Larry
continues, "Except for Pam. If she asks me one more time if
something's on the final, I'm going to shove that magazine down her
throat." Balki has been sticking to Larry closely since they came in
and as a result Larry accidentally sits on Balki's lap. "Is there
something I can do for you?" Larry asks. "Well, you could grade
my paper," Balki repeats.
- When Balki starts to dust, he first
dusts his way over to Larry. Larry makes a small mark on Balki's
paper. "What did I do?" Balki gasps, "What did I do
wrong?" "Your name is in the wrong corner," Larry
explains. "What difference does that make?" Balki asks.
"Proper form," Larry says, "Page three of the guide."
Balki looks unhappy but continues to dust while keeping his eyes fixed on
Larry. Larry looks around to try and see what Balki is doing. They
do "look around" bit. "I'll just go do some dusting,"
Balki says. "Balki, if I'm going to do this, you're going to have to
stop the interruptions. Why don't you dust over there?"
"Over there?" Balki asks. "Over there," Larry
confirms. "I hear you," Balki says, "I know where you're
coming from. I'm in a good place about it."
- After Balki says he'll settle for an
A he adds, "Of course, I didn't know about that name thing, so I'm prepared
for an "A" minus. It'll be painful, but I can live with
it." At the end of the scene Balki is looking at his paper when Larry
goes to his bedroom and repeats, "I got an F?"
- After Larry folds up the pointer and
hurts himself, Pam, who is bored, asks, "Excuse me? Is this going to
be on the final?" Larry impatiently answers, "Yes. It's
all going to be on the final. Even the stuff I said wasn't going to be on
the final is going to be on the final." "Nice going, Pam,"
Chuck snaps.
- After the class files out angrily
and Larry asks, "I wonder what got into them?" Balki says, "You
wonder what got into them? You wonder what got into them? What they
had for lunch isn't the issue. Cousin, you failed the entire class."
- At the end of the scene when Chuck
is at the door and Larry shuts and locks it, he then runs to the other door and
tries to escape but it is locked. The scene dissolves as Larry is trying
the window.
- When Larry comes in late he plops
down on the couch. He says, "I've been doing some thinking and I
think maybe I went a little over the edge with this class." "You
went over the edge, down in the valley, into the river and out to the
ocean," Balki agrees. "I thought if I set the standards really
high, it would challenge the students and they'd rise to the occasion,"
Larry explains, "Instead they put a price on my head."
"Cousin, I've been thinking too," Balki says, "Your intentions
were good, but your execution really stunk up the joint." "It
sure did. Didn't it?" Larry agrees. After Balki explains how
they train sheep to jump on Mypos, Larry agrees he was too hard on the
students. "You know, you still have some students left," Balki
points out, "It's not too late to change." "Maybe I should
grade the papers over again," Larry says. "That's the spirit,
Cousin. Will you grade mine first?" Balki asks. Larry says he
already did and the rest of the script is the same as the show.
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