Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 67 - Prose and Cons

First Air Date: March 10, 1989
Nielsen Rating: 12.6 HH

TV Guide Description: Larry and Balki land in jail for refusing to reveal a source on Larry's stock-market scandal story, but Larry is ready to sing after two thugs are thrown into the cell with them.

Co-Producer: James OíKeefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: John B. Collins
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Belita Moreno: Miss Lydia Markham

Guest Cast:
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
F.J. OíNeil: Mr. R.T. Wainwright
Robert Schuch: Dutch
Charles Young: Jake
Raymond OíKeefe: The Guard
Zack Phifer: The Process Server

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode.

"I didnít realize Iíd made an asset of myself."
"You really have these facts at your fingernails."
"Oh, Cousin!  I donít want to be set on fire!"
"I didnít know we were fighting for life, puberty and the pursuit of happiness."
"And if he donít like that, he can take it to the bank and smoke it!"
"Well, Cousin, you did tell Judge Gideon that weíd stay in here until Hell warms over."
"John Paul Jones . . . and Ringo!"
"Yeah, weíre defending the Constitution, the freedom of the press, and the right to arm bears."

Donít be ridiculous: Said once in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Donít do that, baby."
"Oh my Lord!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki pinches someoneís nose and calls them a big kidder
Balki hugs someone when greeting them
Balki looks into Larryís mouth as Larry pronounces a word correctly for him
Larry whines
Balki and Larry argue with each other in rapid contradictions

Notable Moment: Balkiís name is mentioned in one of Larryís newspaper stories for the first time

Songs: "America the Beautiful" - sung by Balki and Larry while they are in prison for refusing to reveal their source on the commodities scandal story

Interesting facts:
The title is a pun based on the expression "pros and cons," with prose referring to writing and cons referring to convicts.
- The elevator bit at the beginning of this episode was originally written for the episode Games People Play which aired earlier this season.
- The informant in Larryís story on the commodities scandal was named "Sore Throat" by Balki.  This is a pun on the real-life mystery informant called "Deep Throat," the secret source who leaked information about Richard Nixonís administration involvement in the Watergate scandal.  The identity of "Deep Throat" remained hidden until 2005 when William Mark Felt, Sr., former Deputy Director of the FBI, revealed he was the man behind the moniker in a Vanity Fair article.  The name "Deep Throat" was itself based on a well-known pornographic film of the same name.
- When Balki refers to the pale guy in Poltergeist II, heís referring to the character of Reverend Henry Kane played eerily by actor Julian Beck, who warned the Freeling family, "You're gonna die in h***!  All of you!  You are gonna die!"  The movie was released in 1986, so it wasnít a particularly topical reference in 1989.  In fact, young actress Heather OíRourke shocking death had happened just over a year before this episode aired.
- Larry mentions using a Waterpik.  In the third season episode Your Cheatiní Heart itís revealed Jennifer also has a Waterpik.  Just shows how compatible Larry and Jennifer were through and through.
- This is the second time Balki and Larry sing America, the Beautiful in the series.  The previous time, in the first season episode Baby, You Can Drive My Car, Larry prompts Balki to sing it to encourage him to not give up on his dream of getting a driverís license.  This time Balki sings it to inspire Larry to be strong while they are in prison.  Both times they sing the second "America" much softer than the first one.  And both times Balki pronounces purple as "pur-play" and fruit as "froo-it."
- It's not clear if actor Raymond O'Keefe, who played the guard in this episode, is in any way related to co-producer James O'Keefe.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
Larry says that Balkiís name is credited on the article Larry writes about the commodities scandal.  But in a future episode a touching moment is based around Balki getting his name on one of Larry's articles for the first time.
- If Balki and Larry were held in contempt of court for not revealing their source, they were probably taken from the courtroom straight to the jail cell.  Did they really wear such casual clothes while appearing in court, especially when Larry thought it might be televised?

The episode begins in the basement of the Chicago Chronicle.  Larry is at his desk and Lydia is standing by the elevator.  The elevator door opens and Harriette peeks out nervously.  "Is Balki around?" Harriette asks.  "Uh, no heís not," Larry answers.  "Then hurry up, Lydia, before he gets here!" Harriette urges, pulling Lydia into the elevator.  Balki suddenly appears, exiting Mr. Gorpleyís office.  "Harriette!" he cries excitedly as he runs to the elevator to catch her, "Harriette!"  "Oh hi, baby!" she calls, then, "Bye, baby!"  She closes the door but Balki slides over to it and starts knocking on it, calling, "No, wait!  Wait!"  She opens the door.  "This is the day you said I could drive the elevator, you big kidder you!"  He pinches and shakes her nose slightly.  "Donít do that, baby," she warns.  "Oh," Balki says, "But Iíve been looking forward to this all week."  "Okay, letís get to it," Harriette sighs.

Balki gets into the elevator, saying, "Oh, Iím so excited!  Iíve been practicing at home in my closet.  Now, now donít worry.  I remember everything you teach me."  "Balki," Larry warns, "Make sure you donít accelerate too fast."  "Well, of course I wonít!  Donít be ridiculous," Balki says, then as he closes the doors he asks, "What does accelerate mean?"  We just barely catch a glimpse of Lydiaís shocked expression.  We see the floor indicator of the elevator shoot up quickly to the seven as Harriette and Lydia scream from inside.  "Gotta remember to use smaller words," Larry sighs to himself.  Mr. Wainwright enters from the loading dock.  "Appleton!" he calls.  "Uh, yes sir, Mr. Wainwright?" Larry answers, running to meet him.  "Appleton, that was a great story you wrote on the commodities scandal," Mr. Wainwright says.  "Well, thank you, sir," Larry replies humbly, "I try to do my small part for the paper."  "Oh, donít be so modest," Mr. Wainwright scolds, "It was good.  You should try being a little more assertive."  "Well, how Ďbout an office on the same floor with the other investigative reporters?" Larry asks boldly.  "I said assertive, not pushy!" Mr. Wainwright snaps.  "Sorry, sir," Larry sighs.

"Where did you find that informant?  What was it you called him?"  "'Sore Throat,'" Larry answers, "Actually Balki came up with the name.  In fact, Balki was the one who found him.  Thatís why Balkiís name is on the article, too."  "Well, I should say well done to Bartokomous, too," Mr. Wainwright says, "Is he around?"  "Harrietteís letting him drive the elevator," Larry explains.  We see the floor indicator of the elevator again as it drops rapidly from seven to the basement.  We again hear Harriette and Lydia screaming.  "That would be him now," Larry notes.  The elevator door opens and Balki is standing by the controls, while Lydia and Harriette are sprawled on the floor, along with their papers and envelopes.  Balki steps out, gasping, "Wwowww!!  That thing can stop on a dime!  Harriette . . . I think Iím gonna try it again."  Harriette, who is on her knees, holds her hand out and says, "Why donít you take a breather, baby, while I try to find my contacts."  Harriette gets to her feet but Lydia, who is still on her knees, cries, "My God!  Iím shorter!"  Harriette closes the elevator door.  Still dazed, Balki walk slowly into the basement.  "Balki.  Balki?  Look whoís come to see us!" Larry says.

"Mr. Wainwright!" Balki says, walking up to the man and feeling his face as if he canít see straight, then gives the man a hug, "So nice of you to come down and join us in our basement."  "Well, I just came by to tell you what an asset youíve been to Appleton," Mr. Wainwright explains.  "Well, Iím sorry, Mr. Wainwright," Balki says sadly, "I didnít realize Iíd made an asset of myself."  Mr. Wainwright looks confused and Larry tries to explain,  "No.  No, no, Balki . . . "  "I know Iíve made a few mistakes in my time," Balki continues, "but I donít think thatís any reason for name-calling."   Mr. Wainwright turns in frustration and Larry says to Balki, "No, no, no, itís not what you think."  Larry turns to his boss.  "Heís still learning the language."  "Obviously," Mr. Wainwright sighs, "Well, just keep up the good work, Appleton.  You have a great future as a reporter!"  He shakes Larryís hand and walks back to the loading dock.  "Thank you, sir, thank you!" Larry says.  "Now wasnít that nice of him to come down here?" Larry asks Balki.  "Well, to be honest with you, Iím still smarting from that asset remark," Balki admits.  "No, no, no, Balki . . . an asset is a good thing.  A good thing.  He was paying you a compliment," Larry explains.  "Really?" Balki asks.  "Yes," Larry confirms.  "Wish I could have understood it so I could have enjoyed the moment," Balki says.

A man enters from the parking garage and spots Larry and Balki, then walks to them.  "Excuse me, gentlemen!" he says, "Where can I find . . . "  He consults the pieces of paper in his hand.  " . . . Larry Appleton and Balki Bartokomous?"  "Iím Larry Appleton."  "Iím Balki Bartokomous."  "Oh, I saw your names on that commodities scandal story," the man says, "Nice work!"  "Oh, thank you," Balki says modestly.  "Weíre already celebrities," Larry says to Balki slyly.  They bask for a second in their newfound fame.  "What can we do for you?" Larry asks.  The man hands them each one of the folded sheets of paper.  Larry looks at it and realizes, "This is a subpoena."  "What that is?" Balki asks.  "Oh, uh, youíre to appear in court tomorrow before Judge Gideon and reveal everything you know about the commodities scandal," the man informs them, then leaves.  "Well, uh . . . Cousin, I guess youíre right," Balki smiles, "We are becoming celebrities.  People want us to start making personal appearances."  Larry stares at Balki in shock.

That night in the apartment, Larry is sitting on the couch with stacks of papers, a binder and a box in front of him on the coffee table.  Balki approaches from the kitchen carrying two mugs.  "Okay, Cousin," Balki says, "what if the judge asks you how was the inside information passed?"  "All right, all right," Larry prepares himself, "Your Honor, uh . . . "  He grabs a manila envelope and opens it to check the contents, " . . . each commodity was given a code name, if I can give an example?"  Balki motions for him to proceed.  "Pork bellies were called Porky Pigs.  I can elaborate if youíd like?"  "No need, Cousin," Balki assures him, "No need.  Wwowww!  You really have these facts at your fingernails."  "I have to, Balki," Larry explains, "Iím representing the Chronicle in what could be the trial of the decade.  I have a responsibility to have all of my facts straight.  Besides . . . we could be on television!"  "Oh, Cousin, then that means weíll have to dress for the camera," Balki notes, "That means nothing too busy.  No stripes.  And I would recommend you donít wear yellow, because it makes you look very pale, kind of like that guy in ĎPoltergeist IIí?"  Balki twists his face in an impersonation and says, "Youíre gonna die!"  "Thanks for the tip," Larry says facetiously.  "Youíre welcome," Balki offers.

"Hey Cousin, when do I get to tell the judge what I know?" Balki asks.  Larry knits his eyebrows.  "What do you know?"  "Well, Iíve got that right here in my filing system!" Balki says, reaching over to pick up a small ornate box.  He opens it and licks his fingers before pulling out a card.  "Your Honor, I have everything you want to know about ĎSore Throatí right here.  Name: Waldo Gillings.  Occupation: Driver for a big Chicago stockbroker.  Hobby: Listening to his boss make crooked deals in the back seat of the limo."  Balki puts the card back in his box.  "Balki," Larry says, then reaches over and snatches the card out of the box, "You canít tell the judge anything about ĎSore Throat.í  We promised Waldo that we would not reveal that he was the source of our information.  As reporters we have to protect people who come to us with information they feel should be made public.  They know a reporter will not divulge their identity.  And that is what I promised Waldo."  "But, but, Cousin, I have heard that if you donít tell a judge what he wants to know he can send you to jail."  "Well, Balki, yes.  Itís true," Larry admits, "The judge could have us incarcerated."  "Oh, Cousin!  I donít want to be set on fire!" Balki cries in horror.

"No.  No," Larry says, "Not incinerated.  Incarcerated.  Incarcerated.  It means sent to jail.  But Balki . . . itís a small price to pay.  We have to stand up for the first amendment."  Balki stands up.  "Sit down," Larry orders.  Balki sits.  "We have to stand up for freedom of the press."  Balki stands again.  "Sit down!" Balki sits.  "We have to stand up . . . sit down! . . . "  Larry snaps before Balki can barely start standing, "for the very Constitution upon which this country was founded!"  "Well, Cousin, why you didnít say so sooner?" Balki asks, "I didnít know we were fighting for life, puberty and the pursuit of happiness."  "Well, we are, Balki," Larry confirms, "We are!"  "Well, that settles it!" Balki announces as he and Larry both stand up, "If that judge wants to know anything about ĎSore Throatí we arenít going to tell him a thing!  Even if he sends us to jail forever!  And if he donít like that, he can take it to the bank and smoke it!"  Larry look confused, then says, "Thatís the spirit.  And you know what I think, Balki?"  "Not really," Balki answers.  "Tomorrow when the judge sees the strength of our commitment, heís not going to throw us in jail.  Heís going to throw us a parade!" "Ha ha!" Balki laughs.  There is a quick wipe cut and we see Larry and Balki being locked inside a jail cell.  "Does this mean we miss the parade?" Balki asks.

Act two begins with an establishing shot of the prison.  Inside their jail cell, Balki is leaning against one set of bunk beds while Larry marks a fifth tally on the wall of the cell in chalk.  "Five big ones, Balki," Larry sighs, "Weíve been in stir for five hours."  "Well, Cousin, you did tell Judge Gideon that weíd stay in here until Hell warms over," Balki reminds him.  "And I meant it," Larry insists, "Could you believe that judge?  He thought he could break me by throwing me in this hole.  Ha!"  "Ha!" Balki echoes, "Yeah, this cell isnít so bad.  Itís not as bad as the one I was in on Mypos.  Itís got nice bunk beds and running water."  "Judge Gideon didnít know who he was dealing with," Larry continues, "Where . . . you were in jail?"  Balki nods.  "What for?" Larry asks. Balki looks down and fidgets with his shirt, hesitating.  "Kidnaping," he finally answers.  "You were arrested for kidnaping?" Larry asks in disbelief.  Balki nods painfully.  "Yeah.  I was accused of a 506.  Stealing a baby goat." Balki looks away in shame.  "Oh!  Kid-naping," Larry realizes.

"But it was all a mistake . . . a mistake I tell ya!" Balki explains, "The baby goat had a rotten home life and used to like to hang around me.  I gave him a lot of positive ego reinforcement."  "So, youíve been behind bars before," Larry states.  "Yeah," Balki sighs, then says, "Well, on Mypos the cells donít have bars."  "No bars?" Larry asks.  "No, no.  On Mypos, when they put you in jail they make you stand in front of the court house and they draw a circle around you."  He indicates drawing a circle on the ground.  Larry looks skeptical and asks, "What keeps you from escaping?"  "Itís against the law," Balki answers.  The prison guard walks down the hall carrying two blankets and opens the cell door, saying, "Hereís your blankets."  "Thanks, but I doubt weíll be neediní Ďem," Larry says, "Weíll be getting out of here soon."  "Well, I wouldnít get my hopes up," the guard warns, "The last reporter Judge Gideon put in jail for not revealing his source is still here."  "He is?" Larry asks in surprise.  "How long ago was that?" Balki asks.  "Well, uh, letís see . . . he was here when I got here," the guard thinks, "and Iíve been here, letís see, uh . . . three years."  The guard closes the cell door and says, "Good night," before walking away.

"Three years?" Larry asks, "Balki, I donít think I can do three years."  "Yes, you can, Cousin," Balki assures him, putting the blankets on the bunk beds on the far side of the cell, "Thereís a lot of strength in that compact little body."  "We could be here for years!" Larry realizes, "Our whole world could be this cold, damp cell.  No sunshine.  No fresh air.  No place to plug in my Waterpik."  Larry starts to panic, rushing the cell door and grabbing the bars frantically.  "Iíll talk!  Iíll talk!" he shouts.  Balki runs up behind him and puts his hand over Larryís mouth.  "Now you just calm down," Balki orders, "You just calm down!  Are you gonna be calm?"  Larry makes a meek noise and Balki removes his hand.  "Balki, Iím not gonna make it," Larry sighs.  "Come on, Cousin.  Have you forgotten what you said?"  "What did I say?  Was it something good?" Larry asks.  "Well, of course it was good!" Balki says, "Yeah, you said that we were in here because we are protecting Waldo and the Constitution and the freedom of the press."  "Yeah.  Balki?  I say a lotta things," Larry admits, "Who am I kidding?"  "Me, mostly," Balki answers.  "I donít have what it takes to become a reporter," Larry continues.  "Cousin, donít say that!" Balki cries.

"Itís too hard!" Larry whines, "I donít have the strength to defend the Constitution."  Larry walks away from the door and Balki follows him.  "Thatís not true," Balki insists.  "Oh, yes it is," Larry whines.  "No, it isnít!" Balki argues.  "Yes, it is!"  "No, it isnít!"  "Yes, it is!"  "No, it isnít!"  "I donít have the strength to stand up for anything," Larry moans.  "Well then sit down," Balki suggests.  "I can do that," Larry sighs, and they both sit on one of the lower bunk beds.  "Now look, Cousin," Balki begins, "People like you have always defended the Constitution.  Who do you think Nathan Hale was?  Paul Revere?  John Paul Jones . . . and Ringo!  They were just regular people like you until they were called upon to do something heroic, like defend the Constitution.  And they had it tough, because they didnít even have a Constitution yet!"  "I wish I had your faith in me," Larry says, "I wish I was like those heroes."  Larry starts to look stoic, but crumbles.  "But Iím not!  Iím weak!"  "Cousin, Cousin," Balki sighs, "Cousin . . . draw upon the strength of your forefathers!"

Larry takes in a deep breath and looks brave . . . then crumbles again.  "I canít," he whines.  Balki looks at Larry a moment, then very softly begins to sing, "Oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain . . . "  Inspired by the song, Larry lifts his head and says, "Maybe I should stop thinking about myself."  "For purple mountains majesty . . . "  "I should think of those whoíve gone before," Larry continues.  " . . . above the fruited plains!"  "And those who will come after!  And those who never made it this far!"  Larry and Balki both stand and belt out "America!"  They lower their voices for the second, "America," then continue loudly, "God shed his grace on thee!"  They walk forward to the cell bars as they sing, "And crowned thy good, with brotherhood . . . "  Over the next lines they climb up onto the bars, taking a step with each part, "From sea to shining . . . "  They then finish with a crescendo, holding their faces close together and then stretching far apart for the finale, " . . . seeeeeaaaaaa!"  "Balki, I can do the hard time," Larry announces.  He and Balki jump down from the bars, landing on their feet together.

The guard comes down the hallway again, this time herding two large and aggressive-looking prisoners ahead of him.  "All right, hold it right here," the guard says, then walks to Larry and Balkiís cell and unlocks the door.  "I got a couple of playmates for you guys," the guard tells Larry and Balki.  "Oh my Lord!" Larry cries.  The guard directs the two men to enter the cell, pushing the second one in when he doesnít move fast enough and slamming the door behind them.  The prisoner turns to the guard, threatening, "You push me again and youíre a dead man!"  "Donít hit him, Dutch," the other inmate says, "Itíll make your hands swell up again."  Balki pats the second prisoner, whose name is Jake, and says, "Hi, Iím Balki Bartokomous, and this is my Cousin Larry Appleton, and now that we have four maybe later we can play Password!"  "Scram!" Jake says in a mean tone.  "Ooh, thatís a tough one!" Balki smiles, "Cousin, weíre gonna have to practice.  These guys are good."  Dutch and Jake settle themselves on a set of bunk beds.

Larry hurries over to the guard, saying, "Excuse me?  Uh, guard?  Could I talk to you for just a moment?  I think thereís been a mistake.  Uh, we are white collar criminals and these two are clearly mad dog killers.  I donít want to be a snob about this but shouldnít we be in separate cells?"  "Oh, of course!" the guard says, "Iíll get on it right away.  And while Iím at it Iíll warm up your Jacuzzi."  "Ooh!" Balki says excitedly.  The guard walks away and Dutch comes up behind Larry and taps him on the shoulder.  "Hey, what are you two guys?" he asks, grabbing them by their shirts, "Some kind of snitches?"  Jake approaches them as well.  "Oh no!  No, no, no, no," Larry assures him, "We are not snitches.  In fact, weíre in here for not snitching."  "Yeah, weíre defending the Constitution, the freedom of the press, and the right to arm bears," Balki explains.  "You say one more word and Iím gonna reach down your throat and pull out an organ," Dutch threatens Balki.  "Okay," Balki replies.  Dutch releases them and walks away.  Larry and Balki share a look of concern.

Later that night, the four prisoners are laying on separate bunk beds.  Dutch is on the top bunk above Jake and Balki is on the top bunk above Larry.  Larry is curled up on his mattress, not sleeping.  Dutch, who is awake, hops down from his bunk and approaches Larry.  Larry watches nervously as Dutch reaches down and grabs the blanket from off him.  Dutch climbs back onto the upper bunk and covers himself with both blankets.  Larry lies curled on his bare mattress and starts to shiver from the cold, making the entire bunk bed shake.  Balki sits up suddenly and cries, "Earthquake!"  He jumps down from his bunk and runs for the door, shouting, "Quick!  Stand in a doorway!"  He reaches the door and realizes there is no doorway and cries, "Oh God!"  Balki runs back across the cell and Larry stops him, saying, "Balki.  Balki.  Itís not an earthquake.  Iím just shivering from the cold.  That goon over there took my blanket."  "Oh, well, Cousin," Balki says, "Here, here, here, here . . . take mine."  He grabs his blanket from the top bunk and gives it to Larry.  "Are . . . are you sure?" Larry asks.  "Why sure Iím sure," Balki says, "Cold donít bother sheepherders.  Cold and rain . . . now that bothers us.  Do you ever smell a sheep after itís been out in the rain a couple of days?"  He makes a face and cries, "Whoa!"

"You sure you donít need your blanket?" Larry asks.  "Absolutely," Balki assures him.  "Thank you," Larry smiles.  Larry lays back on his bed and Balki climbs up into his bunk and lays down.  Moments later Jake gets up from his bunk and also walks over to Larry, also stealing his blanket.  Balki watches this, then looks down at Larry in surprise.  He hops off the top bunk and kneels next to Larryís bed.  "Cousin, are you going to let them get away with this?"  "Well, yes, that was my plan," Larry answers.  "Well, uh, look . . . Iím gonna have a word with Dutch," Balki announces, "I think that heís just going through a bad time in his life and he needs someone to reach out to."  Balki walks over to Dutch on the top bunk.  Dutch is covered completely with the blankets so Balki knocks on his bed as if he were knocking on a door.  Dutch doesnít respond so Balki knocks again.  When Dutch still doesnít respond Balki starts to knock again.  Suddenly, Dutchís hand reaches out from under the blanket and seizes Balki by the throat. Larry reacts to this with shock.  "Uh, excuse me," Balki says in a hoarse voice, "I just wanted to point out that you have all the blankets and weíre freezing our buttocks off."  Dutch pulls the blankets from his head and says, "Jake, Iím gonna kill this one, okay?"  "Okay," Jake yawns sleepily.

Dutch starts to get up but Larry runs across the cell crying, "No!  No, no, no, no!  Donít mind him!  Donít mind him!  Heís . . . heís . . . heís sleepwalking!  Sleepwalking!  Balki, wake up!"  Larry slaps Balki across the face.  "Ow!  Ow!" Balki cries.  "Balki, wake up!" Larry repeats, slapping him again.  "What are you . . . ?" Balki cries.  "Wake up!" Larry cries.  "What are you doing?" Balki asks, slapping Larry back with both hands on his face.  "There!  There!  Heís awake now!" Larry says anxiously, "Heís awake now!  Everythingís fine!  Everybody go back to sleep."  Jake gets up from his bunk and says, "I hate to wake up in the middle of the night without beatiní somebody up."  "You know somethiní?" Dutch asks, "I think this cellís gettiní too crowded."  "Letís throw these guys out," Jake suggests.  "Hey, weíd love to leave," Larry remarks, "but the cell doorís locked."  "Hey, no problem," Dutch says, "Weíll just push you through the bars like toothpaste!"

Dutch grabs Larry as Balki cries, "What are you doing to my Cousin Larry?"  Jake grabs Balki and they push them into the cell bars, trying to squeeze their heads through the bars.  The guard appears and cries, "All right!  Stop horsiní around!"  He opens the cell door.  "Well, itís about time!" Larry says as he and Balki approach the open door, "I guess Judge Gideon found out what the power of the press means!  Letís go, Balki."  They start to leave but the guard stops them.  "Not you two.  You two.  Your mother posted bail."  Dutch and Jake exit and the guard shuts the door behind them and leads them down the hall.  Balki and Larry walk to the bars, Larry in shock.  "Well, Iím not sorry to see them go," Balki says wistfully, "But I do have one regret."  "Whatís that?" Larry asks.  "Now weíll never be able to see if our heads would fit in between these bars," Balki says sadly.  Larry eyes him in disbelief.

The next morning, Larry and Balki are still sitting in their cell.  Larry marks another tally on the wall.  Balki is sitting on his top bunk with a harmonica, playing "I Wish I Had Someone to Love Me (The Prisonerís Song)" with great emotion.  Larry walks over and leans against Balkiís bunk, noting, "Balki, I had no idea you could play the harmonica so well."  Balki lowers the harmonica and starts to shake it out, but the music continues to play, much to Larryís confusion.  "I think itís someone down the hall," Balki explains.  The guard approaches their cell and says, "Morning, fellas.  I got a message for ya from Judge Gideon."  He unlocks their cell door and enters.  "Yeah, well, I think I know what it is," Larry says.  "Yeah," Balki agrees.  "He wants us to reveal our source!"  "Yeah!"  "Well, I got a message for him."  "Yeah."  "You tell that judge that Larry Appleton is a serious journalist."  "Yeah!"  "And even if I have to spend the rest of my life in this cell I will never reveal the identity of ĎSore Throatí!"  "Yeah!"  "You mean Waldo Gillings?" the guard asks.  "Yep," Balki answers, then he and Larry react.  "You know?" Balki asks.  "Everybody knows!" the guard explains, "When Gillings found out you two guys went to jail for him he came forward and decided to testify against his boss.  So youíre free to go."  The guard walks out of the cell.

Balki jumps down from his bunk.  "Hey, Cousin.  Cousin?  Did you hear that?"  "Yeah! Weíre free to go!" Larry says happily.  "No . . . what . . . did you hear what you said?" Balki asks.  "Yeah!  Weíre free to go!" Larry repeats.  "Cousin!  Cousin!  Try to focus," Balki continues, "You said that you were a serious journalist."  "Yeah, I did, didnít I?" Larry realizes.  "Yeah!  You did!" Balki says, patting Larryís arm, "And youíre right, too.  You do have what it takes to make a great journalist."  "You think so?" Larry asks.  "I know so, Cousin," Balki assures him, "When you do time with someone, you get to know them."  "Thanks, Balki," Larry offers, "I donít think I could have done it without you."  "We make a great team, donít we?" Balki asks.  "Yeah, we do," Larry agrees, "Well, we showed them, huh?  We can take any time they can dish out!"  "Yeah!" Balki agrees, "We can stay here forever if we have to!" Larry nods.  The guard walks back toward them, calling, "Are you guys cominí or you wanna stay here?"  After a momentís pause, Larry and Balki race from the cell, running down the hall and past the guard.

Continue on to the next episode . . .