Nielsen Rating: 12.6 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 67 - Prose and Cons
First Air Date: March 10, 1989
Nielsen Rating: 12.6 HH
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: John B. Collins
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Belita Moreno: Miss Lydia Markham
Guest Cast:
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
F.J. O’Neil: Mr. R.T. Wainwright
Robert Schuch: Dutch
Charles Young: Jake
Raymond O’Keefe: The Guard
Zack Phifer: The Process Server
Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode.
Balki-isms:
"I didn’t realize I’d made an
asset of myself."
"You really have these facts at your
fingernails."
"Oh, Cousin! I don’t want to be set
on fire!"
"I didn’t know we were fighting for
life, puberty and the pursuit of happiness."
"And if he don’t like that, he can
take it to the bank and smoke it!"
"Well, Cousin, you did tell Judge
Gideon that we’d stay in here until Hell warms over."
"John Paul Jones . . . and Ringo!"
"Yeah, we’re defending the
Constitution, the freedom of the press, and the right to arm bears."
Don’t be ridiculous: Said once in this episode.
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Don’t do that, baby."
"Wwowww!!"
"Ha!"
"Oh my Lord!"
Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki pinches someone’s nose and calls
them a big kidder
Balki hugs someone when greeting them
Balki looks into Larry’s mouth as Larry
pronounces a word correctly for him
Larry whines
Balki and Larry argue with each other in
rapid contradictions
Notable Moment: Balki’s name is mentioned in one of Larry’s newspaper stories for the first time
Songs: "America the Beautiful" - sung by Balki and Larry while they are in prison for refusing to reveal their source on the commodities scandal story
Interesting facts:
- The title is a pun based on the
expression "pros and cons," with prose referring to writing and cons
referring to convicts.
- The elevator bit at the beginning of
this episode was originally written for the episode Games People Play which
aired earlier this season.
- The informant in Larry’s story on the
commodities scandal was named "Sore Throat" by Balki. This is a pun on
the real-life mystery informant called "Deep Throat," the secret
source who leaked information about Richard Nixon’s administration involvement
in the Watergate scandal. The identity of "Deep Throat" remained
hidden until 2005 when William Mark Felt, Sr., former Deputy Director of the
FBI, revealed he was the man behind the moniker in a Vanity Fair article.
The
name "Deep Throat" was itself based on a well-known pornographic film
of the same name.
- When Balki refers to the pale guy in Poltergeist
II, he’s referring to the character of Reverend Henry Kane played eerily
by actor Julian Beck, who warned the Freeling family, "You're gonna die in
h***! All of you! You are gonna die!" The movie was released in 1986, so it
wasn’t a particularly topical reference in 1989. In fact, young actress
Heather O’Rourke shocking death had happened just over a year before this
episode aired.
- Larry mentions using a Waterpik. In the
third season episode Your Cheatin’ Heart it’s revealed Jennifer also has a
Waterpik. Just shows how compatible Larry and Jennifer were through and through.
- This is the second time Balki and Larry
sing America, the Beautiful in the series. The previous time, in the
first season episode Baby, You Can Drive My Car, Larry prompts Balki to
sing it to encourage him to not give up on his dream of getting a driver’s
license. This time Balki sings it to inspire Larry to be strong while they are
in prison. Both times they sing the second "America" much softer than
the first one. And both times Balki pronounces purple as "pur-play"
and fruit as "froo-it."
- It's not clear if actor Raymond O'Keefe, who
played the guard in this episode, is in any way related to co-producer James
O'Keefe.
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- Larry says that Balki’s name is
credited on the article Larry writes about the commodities scandal. But in a
future episode a touching moment is based around Balki getting his name on one
of Larry's articles
for the first time.
- If Balki and Larry were held in contempt
of court for not revealing their source, they were probably taken from the courtroom
straight to the jail cell. Did they really wear such casual clothes while
appearing in court, especially when Larry thought it might be televised?
Synopsis:
The episode begins in the basement of the
Chicago Chronicle. Larry is at his desk and Lydia is standing by the elevator.
The elevator door opens and Harriette peeks out nervously. "Is Balki
around?" Harriette asks. "Uh, no he’s not," Larry answers.
"Then hurry up, Lydia, before he gets here!" Harriette urges, pulling
Lydia into the elevator. Balki suddenly appears, exiting Mr. Gorpley’s office.
"Harriette!" he cries excitedly as he runs to the elevator to catch
her, "Harriette!" "Oh hi, baby!" she calls, then, "Bye,
baby!" She closes the door but Balki slides over to it and starts knocking
on it, calling, "No, wait! Wait!" She opens the door.
"This is
the day you said I could drive the elevator, you big kidder you!" He
pinches and shakes her nose slightly. "Don’t do that, baby," she
warns. "Oh," Balki says, "But I’ve been looking forward to this
all week." "Okay, let’s get to it," Harriette sighs.
Balki gets into the elevator, saying,
"Oh, I’m so excited! I’ve been practicing at home in my closet.
Now,
now don’t worry. I remember everything you teach me." "Balki,"
Larry warns, "Make sure you don’t accelerate too fast." "Well,
of course I won’t! 
Don’t be ridiculous," Balki says, then as he closes
the doors he asks, "What does accelerate mean?" We just barely catch a
glimpse of Lydia’s shocked expression. We see the floor indicator of the
elevator shoot up quickly to the seven as Harriette and Lydia scream from
inside. "Gotta remember to use smaller words," Larry sighs to himself.
Mr. Wainwright enters from the loading dock. "Appleton!" he calls.
"Uh, yes sir, Mr. Wainwright?" Larry answers, running to meet him.
"Appleton, that was a great story you wrote on the commodities
scandal," Mr. Wainwright says. "Well, thank you, sir," Larry
replies humbly, "I try to do my small part for the paper." "Oh,
don’t be so modest," Mr. Wainwright scolds, "It was good. You should
try being a little more assertive." "Well, how ‘bout an office on
the same floor with the other investigative reporters?" Larry asks boldly.
"I said assertive, not pushy!" Mr. Wainwright snaps. "Sorry,
sir," Larry sighs.
"Where did you find that informant?
What was it you called him?" "'Sore Throat,'" Larry answers,
"Actually Balki came up with 
the name. In fact, Balki was the one who found
him. That’s why Balki’s name is on the article, too." "Well, I
should say well done to Bartokomous, too," Mr. Wainwright says, "Is he
around?" "Harriette’s letting him drive the elevator," Larry
explains. We see the floor indicator of the elevator again as it drops rapidly
from seven to the basement. We again hear Harriette and Lydia screaming.
"That would be him now," Larry notes. The elevator door opens and
Balki is standing by the controls, while Lydia and Harriette are sprawled on the
floor, along with their papers and envelopes. Balki steps out, gasping, "Wwowww!!
That thing can stop on a dime! Harriette . . . I think I’m gonna try it
again." Harriette, who is on her knees, holds her hand out and says,
"Why don’t you take a breather, baby, while I try to find my
contacts." Harriette gets to her feet but Lydia, who is still on her knees,
cries, "My God! I’m shorter!" Harriette closes the elevator door.
Still dazed, Balki walk slowly into the
basement. "Balki. Balki? Look who’s come to see us!" Larry says.
"Mr. Wainwright!" Balki says, walking up to the man and feeling his
face as if he can’t see straight, then gives the man a hug, "So 
nice of
you to come down and join us in our basement." "Well, I just came by
to tell you what an asset you’ve been to Appleton," Mr. Wainwright
explains. "Well, I’m sorry, Mr. Wainwright," Balki says sadly,
"I didn’t realize I’d made an asset of myself." Mr. Wainwright
looks confused and Larry tries to explain, "No. No, no, Balki . . . "
"I know I’ve made a few mistakes in my time," Balki continues,
"but I don’t think that’s any reason for name-calling."
Mr. Wainwright turns in frustration and
Larry says to Balki, "No, no, no, it’s not what you think." Larry
turns to his boss. "He’s still learning the language." "Obviously," Mr. Wainwright sighs, "Well, just keep up the good
work, Appleton. You have a great future as a reporter!" He shakes Larry’s
hand and walks back to the loading dock. "Thank you, sir, thank you!"
Larry says. "Now wasn’t that nice of him to come down here?" Larry
asks Balki. "Well, to be honest with you, I’m still smarting from that
asset remark," Balki admits. "No, no, no, Balki . . . an asset is a
good thing. A good thing. He was paying you a compliment," Larry
explains. "Really?" Balki asks. "Yes," Larry confirms.
"Wish I could have understood it so I could have enjoyed the moment,"
Balki says.
A man enters from the parking garage and
spots Larry and Balki, then walks to them. "Excuse me, gentlemen!" he
says, "Where 
can I find . . . " He consults the pieces of paper in his
hand. " . . . Larry Appleton and Balki Bartokomous?" "I’m Larry
Appleton." "I’m Balki Bartokomous." "Oh, I saw your names
on that commodities scandal story," the man says, "Nice work!"
"Oh, thank you," Balki says modestly. "We’re already
celebrities," Larry says to Balki slyly. They bask for a second in their
newfound fame. "What can we do for you?" Larry asks. The man hands
them each one of the folded sheets of paper. Larry looks at it and realizes,
"This is a subpoena." "What that is?" Balki asks.
"Oh,
uh, you’re to appear in court tomorrow before Judge Gideon and reveal
everything you know about the commodities scandal," the man informs them,
then leaves. "Well, uh . . . Cousin, I guess you’re right," Balki
smiles, "We are becoming celebrities. People want us to start making
personal appearances." Larry stares at Balki in shock.
That night in the apartment, Larry is
sitting on the couch with stacks of papers, a binder and a box in front of him
on the coffee table. Balki approaches from the kitchen carrying two mugs.
"Okay, Cousin," Balki says, "what if the judge asks you how was
the inside information passed?" "All right, all right," Larry
prepares himself, "Your Honor, uh . . . " He grabs a manila envelope
and 
opens it to check the contents, " . . . each commodity was given a code
name, if I can give an example?" Balki motions for him to proceed.
"Pork bellies were called Porky Pigs. I can elaborate if you’d
like?" "No need, Cousin," Balki assures him, "No need.
Wwowww! You really have these facts at your fingernails." "I have to,
Balki," Larry explains, "I’m representing the Chronicle in what
could be the trial of the decade. I have a responsibility to have all of my
facts straight. Besides . . . we could be on television!" "Oh, Cousin,
then that means we’ll have to dress for the camera," Balki notes,
"That means nothing too busy. No stripes. And I would recommend you don’t
wear yellow, because it makes you look very pale, kind of like that guy in ‘Poltergeist
II’?" Balki twists his face in an impersonation and says, "You’re
gonna die!" "Thanks for the tip," Larry says facetiously.
"You’re welcome," Balki offers.
"Hey Cousin, when do I get to tell
the judge what I know?" Balki asks. Larry knits his eyebrows. "What do
you know?" "Well, I’ve 
got that right here in my filing
system!" Balki says, reaching over to pick up a small ornate box. He opens
it and licks his fingers before pulling out a card. "Your Honor, I have
everything you want to know about ‘Sore Throat’ right here. Name: Waldo
Gillings. Occupation: Driver for a big Chicago stockbroker. Hobby: Listening to
his boss make crooked deals in the back seat of the limo." Balki puts the
card back in his box. "Balki," Larry says, then reaches over and
snatches the card out of the box, "You can’t tell the judge anything
about ‘Sore Throat.’ We promised Waldo that we would not reveal that he was
the source of our information. As reporters we have to protect people who come
to us with information they feel should be made public. They know a reporter
will not divulge their identity. And that is what I promised Waldo."
"But, but, Cousin, I have heard that
if you don’t tell a judge what he wants to know he can send you to jail."
"Well, Balki, yes. It’s true," Larry admits, "The judge could
have us incarcerated." "Oh, Cousin! I don’t want to be set on
fire!" Balki cries in horror.
"No. No," Larry says, "Not
incinerated. Incarcerated. Incarcerated. It means sent to jail.
But Balki
. . . it’s a small price to pay. We have to stand up for the first
amendment." Balki stands up. "Sit down," Larry orders.
Balki
sits. "We have to stand up for 
freedom of the press." Balki stands
again. "Sit down!" Balki sits. "We have to stand up . . . sit
down! . . . " Larry snaps before Balki can barely start standing,
"for the very Constitution upon which this country was founded!"
"Well, Cousin, why you didn’t say so sooner?" Balki asks, "I
didn’t know we were fighting for life, puberty and the pursuit of
happiness." "Well, we are, Balki," Larry confirms, "We
are!" "Well, that settles it!" Balki announces as he and Larry
both stand up, "If that judge wants to know anything about ‘Sore Throat’
we aren’t going to tell him a thing! Even if he sends us to jail forever!
And
if he don’t like that, he can take it to the bank and smoke it!" Larry
look confused, then says, "That’s the spirit. And you know what I think,
Balki?" "Not really," Balki answers. "Tomorrow when the
judge sees the strength of our commitment, he’s not going to throw us in jail.
He’s going to throw us a parade!" "Ha ha!" Balki laughs. There
is a quick wipe cut and we see Larry and Balki being locked inside a jail
cell. "Does this mean we miss the parade?" Balki asks.
Act two begins with an establishing shot
of the prison. Inside their jail cell, Balki is leaning against one set of bunk
beds while 
Larry marks a fifth tally on the wall of the cell in chalk. "Five big ones, Balki," Larry sighs, "We’ve been in stir for
five hours." "Well, Cousin, you did tell Judge Gideon that we’d stay
in here until Hell warms over," Balki reminds him. "And I meant
it," Larry insists, "Could you believe that judge? He thought he could
break me by throwing me in this hole. Ha!" "Ha!" Balki echoes,
"Yeah, this cell isn’t so bad. It’s not as bad as the one I was in on
Mypos. It’s got nice bunk beds and running water." "Judge Gideon
didn’t know who he was dealing with," Larry continues, "Where . . .
you were in jail?" Balki nods. "What for?" Larry asks. Balki
looks down and fidgets with his shirt, hesitating. "Kidnaping," he
finally answers. "You were arrested for kidnaping?" Larry asks in
disbelief. Balki nods painfully. "Yeah. I was accused of a 506.
Stealing a
baby goat." Balki looks away in shame. "Oh! Kid-naping,"
Larry realizes.
"But it was all a mistake . . . a
mistake I tell ya!" Balki explains, "The baby goat had a rotten home
life and used to like to hang 
around me. I gave him a lot of positive ego
reinforcement." "So, you’ve been behind bars before," Larry
states. "Yeah," Balki sighs, then says, "Well, on Mypos the cells
don’t have bars." "No bars?" Larry asks. "No, no.
On Mypos,
when they put you in jail they make you stand in front of the court house and
they draw a circle around you." He indicates drawing a circle on the
ground. Larry looks skeptical and asks, "What keeps you from
escaping?" "It’s against the law," Balki answers. The prison
guard walks down the hall carrying two blankets and opens the cell door, saying,
"Here’s your blankets." "Thanks, but I doubt we’ll be needin’
‘em," Larry says, "We’ll be getting out of here soon." "Well, I wouldn’t get my hopes up," the guard warns, "The last
reporter Judge Gideon put in jail for not revealing his source is still
here." "He is?" Larry asks in surprise. "How long ago was
that?" Balki asks. "Well, uh, let’s see . . . he was here when I got
here," the guard thinks, "and I’ve been here, let’s see, uh . . .
three years." The guard closes the cell door and says, "Good
night," before walking away.
"Three years?" Larry asks,
"Balki, I don’t think I can do three years." "Yes, you can,
Cousin," Balki assures him, putting the 
blankets on the bunk beds on the
far side of the cell, "There’s a lot of strength in that compact little
body." "We could be here for years!" Larry realizes, "Our
whole world could be this cold, damp cell. No sunshine. No fresh air.
No place
to plug in my Waterpik." Larry starts to panic, rushing the cell door and
grabbing the bars frantically. "I’ll talk! I’ll talk!" he shouts.
Balki runs up behind him and puts his hand over Larry’s mouth. "Now you
just calm down," Balki orders, "You just calm down! Are you gonna be
calm?" Larry makes a meek noise and Balki removes his hand. "Balki, I’m
not gonna make it," Larry sighs. "Come on, Cousin. Have you forgotten
what you said?" "What did I say? Was it something good?" Larry
asks. "Well, of course it was good!" Balki says, "Yeah, you said
that we were in here because we are protecting Waldo and the Constitution and
the freedom of the press." "Yeah. Balki? I say a lotta things,"
Larry admits, "Who am I kidding?" "Me, mostly," Balki
answers. "I don’t have what it takes to become a reporter," Larry
continues. "Cousin, don’t say that!" Balki cries.
"It’s too hard!" Larry whines,
"I don’t have the strength to defend the Constitution." Larry walks
away from the door and Balki 
follows him. "That’s not true," Balki
insists. "Oh, yes it is," Larry whines. "No, it isn’t!"
Balki argues. "Yes, it is!" "No, it isn’t!"
"Yes, it
is!" "No, it isn’t!" "I don’t have the strength to stand
up for anything," Larry moans. "Well then sit down," Balki
suggests. "I can do that," Larry sighs, and they both sit on one of
the lower bunk beds. "Now look, Cousin," Balki begins, "People
like you have always defended the Constitution. Who do you think Nathan Hale
was? Paul Revere? John Paul Jones . . . and Ringo! They were just regular people
like you until they were called upon to do something heroic, like defend the
Constitution. And they had it tough, because they didn’t even have a
Constitution yet!" "I wish I had your faith in me," Larry says,
"I wish I was like those heroes." Larry starts to look stoic, but
crumbles. "But I’m not! I’m weak!" "Cousin, Cousin,"
Balki sighs, "Cousin . . . draw upon the strength of your
forefathers!"
Larry takes in a deep breath and looks
brave . . . then crumbles again. "I can’t," he whines. Balki looks
at Larry a moment, then 
very softly begins to sing, "Oh beautiful for
spacious skies, for amber waves of grain . . . " Inspired by the song,
Larry lifts his head and says, "Maybe I should stop thinking about
myself." "For purple mountains majesty . . . " "I should
think of those who’ve gone before," Larry continues. " . . . above
the fruited plains!" "And those who will come after! And those who
never made it this far!" Larry and Balki both stand and belt out
"America!" They lower their voices for the second,
"America," then continue loudly, "God shed his grace on
thee!" They walk forward to the cell bars as they sing, "And crowned
thy good, with brotherhood . . . " Over the next lines they climb up onto
the bars, taking a step with each part, "From sea to shining . . . "
They then finish with a crescendo, holding their faces close together and then
stretching far apart for the finale, " . . . seeeeeaaaaaa!" "Balki,
I can do the hard time," Larry announces. He and Balki jump down from the
bars, landing on their feet together.
The guard comes down the hallway again,
this time herding two large and aggressive-looking prisoners ahead of him.
"All right, hold it right here," the guard says, then walks to Larry
and Balki’s cell and unlocks the door. "I got a couple of playmates for
you guys," the guard tells Larry and Balki. "Oh my Lord!" Larry
cries. The guard directs the two men to enter the cell, pushing the second one
in when he doesn’t move fast enough and slamming the door behind them. The
prisoner turns to the guard, threatening, "You push me again and you’re a
dead man!" "Don’t hit him, Dutch," the other inmate says,
"It’ll make your hands swell up again." Balki pats the second
prisoner, whose name is Jake, and says, "Hi, I’m Balki Bartokomous, and
this is my Cousin Larry Appleton, and now that we have four maybe later we can
play Password!" "Scram!" Jake says in a mean tone. "Ooh,
that’s a tough one!" Balki smiles, "Cousin, we’re gonna have to
practice. These guys are good." Dutch and Jake settle themselves on a set
of bunk beds.
Larry hurries over to the guard, saying,
"Excuse me? Uh, guard? Could I talk to you for just a moment?
I think there’s
been a 
mistake. Uh, we are white collar criminals and these two are clearly mad
dog killers. I don’t want to be a snob about this but shouldn’t we be in
separate cells?" "Oh, of course!" the guard says, "I’ll
get on it right away. And while I’m at it I’ll warm up your Jacuzzi."
"Ooh!" Balki says excitedly. The guard walks away and Dutch comes up
behind Larry and taps him on the shoulder. "Hey, what are you two
guys?" he asks, grabbing them by their shirts, "Some kind of
snitches?" Jake approaches them as well. "Oh no! No, no, no,
no,"
Larry assures him, "We are not snitches. In fact, we’re in here for not
snitching." "Yeah, we’re defending the Constitution, the freedom of
the press, and the right to arm bears," Balki explains. "You say one
more word and I’m gonna reach down your throat and pull out an organ,"
Dutch threatens Balki. "Okay," Balki replies. Dutch releases them and
walks away. Larry and Balki share a look of concern.
Later that night, the four prisoners are
laying on separate bunk beds. Dutch is on the top bunk above Jake and Balki is
on the top bunk above Larry. Larry is curled up on his mattress, not sleeping.
Dutch, who is awake, hops down from his bunk and 
approaches Larry. Larry watches
nervously as Dutch reaches down and grabs the blanket from off him. Dutch climbs
back onto the upper bunk and covers himself with both blankets. Larry lies
curled on his bare mattress and starts to shiver from the cold, making the
entire bunk bed shake. Balki sits up suddenly and cries, "Earthquake!"
He jumps down from his bunk and runs for the door, shouting, "Quick! Stand
in a doorway!" He reaches the door and realizes there is no doorway and
cries, "Oh God!" Balki runs back across the cell and Larry stops him,
saying, "Balki. Balki. It’s not an earthquake. I’m just shivering from
the cold. That goon over there took my blanket." "Oh, well,
Cousin," Balki says, "Here, here, here, here . . . take mine."
He
grabs his blanket from the top bunk and gives it to Larry. "Are . . . are
you sure?" Larry asks. "Why sure I’m sure," Balki says,
"Cold don’t bother sheepherders. Cold and rain . . . now that bothers us.
Do you ever smell a sheep after it’s been out in the rain a couple of
days?" He makes a face and cries, "Whoa!"
"You sure you don’t need your
blanket?" Larry asks. "Absolutely," Balki assures him.
"Thank you," Larry smiles. Larry lays back on his bed and Balki climbs
up into his bunk and lays down. Moments later Jake gets up from his bunk and
also walks over to 
Larry, also stealing his blanket. Balki watches this, then
looks down at Larry in surprise. He hops off the top bunk and kneels next to
Larry’s bed. "Cousin, are you going to let them get away with this?"
"Well, yes, that was my plan," Larry answers. "Well, uh, look . .
. I’m gonna have a word with Dutch," Balki announces, "I think that
he’s just going through a bad time in his life and he needs someone to reach
out to." Balki walks over to Dutch on the top bunk. Dutch is covered
completely with the blankets so Balki knocks on his bed as if he were knocking
on a door. Dutch doesn’t respond so Balki knocks again. When Dutch still doesn’t
respond Balki starts to knock again. Suddenly, Dutch’s hand reaches out from
under the blanket and seizes Balki by the throat. Larry reacts to this with
shock. "Uh, excuse me," Balki says in a hoarse voice, "I just
wanted to point out that you have all the blankets and we’re freezing our
buttocks off." Dutch pulls the blankets from his head and says, "Jake,
I’m gonna kill this one, okay?" "Okay," Jake yawns sleepily.
Dutch starts to get up but Larry runs
across the cell crying, "No! No, no, no, no! Don’t mind him!
Don’t mind
him! He’s . . . he’s . . 
. he’s sleepwalking! Sleepwalking!
Balki, wake
up!" Larry slaps Balki across the face. "Ow! Ow!" Balki cries.
"Balki, wake up!" Larry repeats, slapping him again. "What are
you . . . ?" Balki cries. "Wake up!" Larry cries. "What are
you doing?" Balki asks, slapping Larry back with both hands on his face.
"There! There! He’s awake now!" Larry says anxiously, "He’s
awake now! Everything’s fine! Everybody go back to sleep."
Jake gets up
from his bunk and says, "I hate to wake up in the middle of the night
without beatin’ somebody up." "You know somethin’?" Dutch
asks, "I think this cell’s gettin’ too crowded." "Let’s
throw these guys out," Jake suggests. "Hey, we’d love to
leave," Larry remarks, "but the cell door’s locked." "Hey,
no problem," Dutch says, "We’ll just push you through the bars like
toothpaste!"
Dutch grabs Larry as Balki cries,
"What are you doing to my Cousin Larry?" Jake grabs Balki and they
push them into the cell bars, trying to squeeze their heads through the bars.
The guard appears and cries, "All right! Stop horsin’ around!"
He
opens the cell door. "Well, it’s about time!" Larry says as he and
Balki approach the open door, "I guess Judge Gideon found out what the
power of the press means! Let’s go, Balki." They start to leave but the
guard stops them. "Not you two. You two. Your mother posted
bail." Dutch and Jake exit and the guard shuts the door behind them and
leads them down the hall. Balki and Larry walk to the bars, Larry in shock.
"Well, I’m not sorry to see them go," Balki says wistfully,
"But I do have one regret." "What’s that?" Larry asks.
"Now we’ll never be able to see if our heads would fit in between these
bars," Balki says sadly. Larry eyes him in disbelief.
The next morning, Larry and Balki are
still sitting in their cell. Larry marks another tally on the wall. Balki is
sitting on his top bunk 
with a harmonica, playing "I Wish I Had Someone to
Love Me (The Prisoner’s Song)" with great emotion. Larry walks over and
leans against Balki’s bunk, noting, "Balki, I had no idea you could play
the harmonica so well." Balki lowers the harmonica and starts to shake it
out, but the music continues to play, much to Larry’s confusion. "I think
it’s someone down the hall," Balki explains. The guard approaches their
cell and says, "Morning, fellas. I got a message for ya from Judge
Gideon." He unlocks their cell door and enters. "Yeah, well, I think I
know what it is," Larry says. "Yeah," Balki agrees. "He
wants us to reveal our source!" "Yeah!" "Well, I got a
message for him." "Yeah." "You tell that judge that Larry
Appleton is a serious journalist." "Yeah!" "And even if I
have to spend the rest of my life in this cell I will never reveal the identity
of ‘Sore Throat’!" "Yeah!" "You mean Waldo Gillings?"
the guard asks. "Yep," Balki answers, then he and Larry react.
"You know?" Balki asks. "Everybody knows!" the guard
explains, "When Gillings found out you two guys went to jail for him he
came forward and decided to testify against his boss. So you’re free to
go." The guard walks out of the cell.
Balki jumps down from his bunk. "Hey,
Cousin. Cousin? Did you hear that?" "Yeah! We’re free to go!"
Larry says happily. "No . . 
. what . . . did you hear what you said?"
Balki asks. "Yeah! We’re free to go!" Larry repeats.
"Cousin! Cousin! Try to focus," Balki continues, "You said that you were a
serious journalist." "Yeah, I did, didn’t I?" Larry realizes.
"Yeah! You did!" Balki says, patting Larry’s arm, "And you’re
right, too. You do have what it takes to make a great journalist."
"You think so?" Larry asks. "I know so, Cousin," Balki
assures him, "When you do time with someone, you get to know them."
"Thanks, Balki," Larry offers, "I don’t think I could have done
it without you." "We make a great team, don’t we?" Balki asks.
"Yeah, we do," Larry agrees, "Well, we showed them, huh? We can
take any time they can dish out!" "Yeah!" Balki agrees, "We
can stay here forever if we have to!" Larry nods. The guard walks back
toward them, calling, "Are you guys comin’ or you wanna stay here?"
After a moment’s pause, Larry and Balki race from the cell, running down the
hall and past the guard.
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