Nielsen Rating: 16.7 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 66 - The 'King' and I
First Air Date: February 24, 1989
Nielsen Rating: 16.7 HH
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Robert Blair
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Belita Moreno: Miss Lydia Markham
Guest Cast:
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
Sam Anderson: Mr. Sam Gorpley
Terrence E. McNally: Lamont Cassidy
Ron Perkins: Mr. Ronald Yates
Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode.
Balki-isms:
"Then I need to talk to you, because I got some problems with my hip . .
. "
"Oh, I love Charro! Especially when he takes his sword and makes the
sign of the Z!"
"Cousin, I don’t think that’s a good idea. We might get tire marks
on it."
"Really? I have an Uncle Sam myself. Actually, his name is Salmonella
after the fish and the jazz singer."
Don’t be ridiculous: Said twice in this episode.
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Oh my Lord!"
Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki and Larry say the same thing at the same time
Harriette insults Lydia
Balki picks up Larry and carries him when Larry is being stubborn
Balki and Larry sit in unison
Balki laughs at his own practical joke
Lydia has a fear of something, in this case pom poms
Songs: "Suspicious Minds" and "Heartbreak Hotel" - performed by Balki when he thinks he’s Elvis.
Interesting facts:
- The episode title is derived from the name of the popular musical, The King
and I, with ‘King’ in quotes to refer to Elvis Presley, who was known as ‘The
King.’
- Amongst the posters decorating the walls are ones for the James Dean films
Giant and Rebel Without a Cause. There is also a 
poster of James Dean
by the front door. On the front door itself is a poster for singing star Fabian,
who made a notable appearance on Laverne and Shirley.
- The three background actors we saw in the previous episode,
Blind Alley, all appear at
the party in this episode as well.
- When Lydia introduces Lamont to Balki and Larry they both reach to shake
his hand at the same time, leading to an awkward moment.
- Actor Terrence E. McNally made a couple of appearances on Perfect
Strangers’ predecessor, Mork & Mindy. Formerly married to
actress Julie Brown, he also penned the novelty song which she recorded in 1984
entitled The Homecoming Queen’s Got a Gun.
- Lamont hypnotizes Lydia into thinking she is Charo, who is also known as
the "cuchi-cuchi girl." A talented singer and guitarist, Charo made
her first notable appearance in the U.S. on the 1960's show Laugh-In.
Oddly enough, while Charo is not directly connected with the 50's there is an
obscure connection in that Elvis Presley starred in a film called Charro!
(which is a Mexican word for cowboy) in 1969. You can visit Charo’s official
site by clicking here.
- The accidental hypnotizing of someone is a standard in sitcom lore, taken
to it’s finest level on The Dick Van Dyke Show in almost the same plot
context as here, only Rob Petrie is hypnotized to act drunk any time he hears a
bell.
- Bronson was anything but a media-baby, so when he was called upon to
imitate or perform something from popular culture the producers would provide
him with materials to study. This was the case with Elvis Presley. In one
interview, Bronson said he hadn’t cared a thing about Elvis until this script
came along and he had to thoroughly research the singer / actor to learn his
mannerisms and style of speech. " . . . I watched a tape of every single
thing he did - and now I always smile when I see Elvis, and say, ‘That’s an
outtake from a 1956 Sun Records session.’" (Thanks to Cousin Quidget for
finding the article which referenced this episode)
- When Balki, as Elvis, calls out "Red?
You wanna take care of this
one?" he’s referring to Red West, who was a longtime friend of Elvis from
high school and later became Elvis’ driver and bodyguard. Another reference
Balki makes is to "The Colonel." Colonel Tom Parker was Elvis’ manager
throughout of his career.
- All the instrumental music between the scenes is performed in a 50's rock
and roll style.
- When Balki is choreographing the number with Mr. Gorpley, he mentions that
he’ll start out in front of his cell. This is a reference to the Jailhouse
Rock number made famous in the movie by the same name.
- When Gorpley starts to count to three, saying "One!" and Balki
answers with "For the money" then "Two," "For the
show," it is a reference to the opening lines of Elvis’ 1956 hit Blue
Suede Shoes written by Carl Perkins.
- Character actor Ron Perkins also had a recurring role as Pete Wilkins on
the ABC hit series Roseanne. More recently he has appeared as Dr. Simpson
on the popular Fox series, House.
- Larry refers to This is Your Life, which was a popular radio and
television series in which celebrities and other notable people were surprised
by the appearance of friends and colleagues as they look back at the special
guest star’s life.
- Balki’s comment, "Take it home, Shaun!
Jam!" may be reference
to Shaun Nielsen, a tenor gospel singer who sang with Elvis on tour and in the
studio in the later years.
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- In the final scene, Lamont says they just came by to pick up his bell.
After he
and Lydia leave, Larry notes that Lamont forgot his bell again. But why is no
mention made of his leaving his bell the first time, since they’re mentioning
it now? A missing scene, which you can read in the script variations below,
explains this.
Synopsis:
The episode begins in the apartment, which is decorated for a 50's theme
party. A jukebox by the kitchen is playing "At the Hop" while guests
mill about, all dressed in clothes from that era. Balki exits the bathroom just
as Larry walks out of his bedroom and they meet in the hallway, walking into the
living room together. Larry is dressed a la Pat Boone while Balki
is dressed more as a hip rock and roller. They stand, leaning to examine each
other’s hairstyles, then they both say, "Nice hair!" to one another.
Harriette approaches, dancing, and says, "Hi guys! A fifties party is a
great idea!" "Thank you," Larry and Balki say as Harriette joins
some other people and they dance back across the living room in a line.
There is a knock at the door and Balki reaches over to open it.
Jennifer and
Mary Anne walk in. Jennifer is wearing a conservative 50's girl outfit and Mary
Anne is wearing a dress, hat and glasses like an old woman. They all say hi to
one another. "I’m sorry we’re late," Mary Anne apologizes, "I
couldn’t decide what outfit to wear." "Well, uh, Mary Anne,"
Larry comments, "I could be wrong but that outfit doesn’t look like
something from the fifties." "Oh, from the fifties!" Mary
Anne gasps, "I thought we were supposed to dress like we were in our
fifties." "I spent about twenty minutes on it and then just gave
up," Jennifer explains. "Well, come on in!" Larry urges and they
enter, Mary Anne asking Balki if her outfit is okay and Balki assures her it is.
Larry is about to close the door when Lydia walks through the door with a
handsome gentleman. Lydia is wearing a Mickey 
Mouse Club costume with ears and
her name across her chest. "Hi!" Lydia announces, waving at everyone.
"Oh hi!" Larry says, closing the door behind them. Balki comes over
and kisses Lydia on the cheek. "Uh, this is my friend, Lamont
Cassidy," Lydia introduces her date. Balki and Larry say hello and shake
hands with him. "Lamont is a hypnotherapist," Lydia explains.
"Oh
really?" Balki asks, "Then I need to talk to you, because I got some
problems with my hip. I just don’t know what it is . . . does this leg look
shorter to you? Because, you know, the hip girdle, it’s all at a funny
angle." "No, no," Larry interrupts, "Not a hip therapist.
A
hypnotherapist." "What that is?" Balki asks. "Well, that’s
someone who uses hypnosis to put people to sleep and make them act like dogs and
other barnyard animals," Larry answers. "Actually, I use hypnosis to
break people of certain behavioral patterns," Lamont explains, "like
smoking, overeating . . . rudeness." Lamont aims the last one directly at
Larry.
"Lamont has successfully cured migraines and back problems and a myriad
of sexual dysfunctions," Lydia announces. "And that was just for
Lydia!" Harriette adds. "Um, Mr. Cassidy, could you show me how that
you make people go to sleep and then act like animals?" Balki asks,
"Because I haven’t seen a really good mongoose impression since I left
Mypos." "I don’t know, Balki," Lamont hesitates. "Oh, come
on, Lamont," Lydia giggles, "You can hypnotize me! You know how easy I
am!" Realizing how that came out, Lydia quickly clarifies, "To
hypnotize. Hypnotize." "Okay, sure," Lamont agrees, and he leads
Lydia to sit on the couch, saying, "Come on, Lydia." "Everybody!
Everybody!" Balki calls, "Mr. Cassidy is going to hypnotize
Lydia!" Everyone gathers around the couch as Lamont sits on the chair
opposite Lydia on the couch.
Lamont pulls a watch on a chain out his pocket and dangles it in front of
Lydia. "Okay. Now Lydia, concentrate on the watch. 
Your eyes are tired.
They’re getting heavy. You can hardly . . . " Lydia’s head drops to her
chest. "Boy, she is easy!" Harriette says. "Okay now,
Lydia," Lamont continues, "When you hear a bell you’ll become Charo,
and you’ll be Charo until you hear the bell again." "Oh, I love
Charo!" Balki says, "Especially when he takes his sword and makes the
sign of the Z!" "No, that’s Zorro," Larry explains, "This
is Charo." "Oh, this is Charo!" Balki understands. "Yes," Larry confirms.
Lamont continues. "When I snap my fingers,
you will wake up." Lamont snaps his fingers and Lydia awakens, looking
around in confusion for a moment. "Oh, Lamont, I hope I didn’t do
anything silly," Lydia smiles. "No, of course not," Lamont
assures her. "Oh good!" Lydia laughs, "Because, you know, as a
nationally syndicated advice columnist, I have to maintain a certain amount of .
. . . "
Lamont rings a little bell and Lydia immediately starts acting like Charo,
crying, "Coochi, coochi, coochi! I am so happy to be 
here! Could you lower
the lights and I do a little number for you! Arriba! Arriba! Arriba!
Arriba!" Lamont rings the bell again and Lydia picks up where she left off before
becoming Charo. " . . . to maintain a certain amount of professionalism.
You know, I have a reputation to protect." Lamont snaps his fingers and
Lydia’s head drops again. "Okay, when I clap my hands you will wake
up," Lamont says, "And you will remember nothing of what just
happened." Lamont claps his hands and Lydia wakes up. Everyone applauds.
"Thank you!" Lydia smiles, then looks at Lamont and asks, "You
didn’t make me do the rooster, did you?" "No, no," Lamont
assures her. "That was wonderful!" Balki says, standing up, "I
don’t believe it! I want you do that to my Cousin Larry." Balki runs to
Larry as everyone in the room agrees. "No, no, no. I don’t think
so," Larry argues, "There is no way I could be hypnotized. My will is
too strong."
Balki picks Larry up around the middle and carries him to the couch.
"You might be surprised, Larry," Lamont says. "Okay, all
right," Larry says, sitting on the couch, "Take your best shot."
"Oh!" Balki says, kneeling down next to the couch, "Make him 
somebody famous." A timer goes off in the kitchen. "Oh, uh, I’ll get
the pizza rolls," Larry says, starting to get up. Balki stops him, saying,
"No, no, Cousin. You stay here and you let Mr. Cassidy hypnotize you.
I go
get the pizza rolls." Balki runs to the kitchen as Lamont picks up the
watch and dangles it in front of Larry. "Remember to concentrate on the
watch. Your eyes are tired." Larry eyes follow the watch.
Balki finishes
getting the pizza rolls out of the oven and walks to the kitchen counter,
leaning on it to watch the proceedings. "Your eyelids are getting
heavy," Lamont continues, "You can hardly keep them open." As he
speaks, Larry starts to nod but Balki also starts to nod off at the counter,
although no one in the room notices this. "You’re getting very, very
sleepy. You are falling into a deep, deep sleep." Larry’s head drops and
Balki collapses across the counter. "When you hear a bell, you will think
that you’re Elvis Presley," Lamont suggests, "And you will be Elvis
until you hear that bell again. Now when I snap my fingers, you will wake
up."
Lamont snaps his fingers and Larry lifts his head.
Balki also gets up from
the counter, looking confused. "Wow . . . what 
happened?" Larry asks,
"I can’t remember a thing." Lamont rings his little bell.
Larry
makes a strange face and starts rubbing his neck, saying "I coulda been a
contender. I coulda been somebody . . . instead of a bum. Which is what I
am." As Larry is saying this, Balki starts to gyrate like Elvis Presley in
the kitchen, moving his hips and hands rhythmically, but no one in the living
room sees this because they are watching Larry. "Wow, that’s
uncanny!" Mary Anne says. "Wait a minute!" Jennifer says,
"That’s not Elvis. That’s Marlon Brando." "Well, I don’t do
Elvis," Larry says in his own voice, "And I don’t get hypnotized,
either." Larry reaches down and rings Lamont’s little bell. Balki stops
being Elvis when he hears the bell ring. "Well, Larry’s proved his
point," Lamont says, "Some people can’t get hypnotized. They’re
too rigid." Balki carries the tray of pizza rolls into the living room and
says, "Here I am! Thanks for waiting. Go ahead, Mr. Cassidy. Hypnotize
Cousin Larry." Everyone looks confused.
The next morning in the apartment Balki is cleaning up after breakfast.
His
hair is still in the 50's style from the night before. The telephone rings and
he becomes Elvis, picking up the phone and answering, "Graceland" with
Elvis’ accent. "Uh, I’m sorry, ma’am . . . we don’t have any Balki
Bartokomous here. How did you get this number? Uh . . . who you talkin’ to?
Well . . . folks call me ‘The King.’ Hold on." He calls out to the
apartment, "Red? You wanna take care of this one? Pick up on three!"
He hangs up the phone and stands in the kitchen, looking at the stove. "I’m
gonna fry me a peanut butter and banana sandwich," he announces.
At the Chicago Chronicle, Larry is working at his desk.
Balki enters, still
acting like Elvis. "‘xcuse me, Mister," he says to Larry.
Larry
stands up, asking, "Where have you been?" "Well, uh . . . I’ve
been to Memphis . . . I’ve been to, uh, Nashville . . . I guess I’ve been
more places than you can shake a stick at." "What are you talking . .
. ? What happened to your accent?" Larry asks. "Well, uh, I’ve been
taking acting lessons," Balki explains, "The Colonel wants me to make
another picture. Look, uh . . . I just stopped by to return this."
He holds
up an ornate wallet. "I found it in my pants’ pocket." "Well,
of course you found it in your pants pocket, it’s your wallet," Larry
points out. "Uh, no sir, it’s not mine," Balki says, "It says
it belongs to a Balki Bartokomous. It says on the identification card that he
works here." " Bad day to fool around," Larry says, "Look, I
gotta run this up to the city desk. When I get back I wanna take a look at your
tax return and run over the numbers." Larry heads for the staircase.
"All right," Balki says, moving to the middle of the basement floor by
the stairway, "While you’re gone I’m gonna run over a number of my
own." Larry eyes Balki in disbelief and says, "You do that."
Larry heads up the stairs.
As Balki stands, he counts down "One, two . . . one, two, three, four .
. . " and then starts gyrating his hips to music in his head. 
Mr. Gorpley
enters from the loading dock and sees Balki moving strangely. He stops, looking
at him in confusion. "Oh good, you’re here for the rehearsal," Balki
says, "Okay, I’ll show you how the number goes." Balki runs up the
stairs to the first landing and continues, "I stand like this up here in
front of my cell, the music comes in, and I start to go like this." He
begins gyrating his hips again. "And then I come down here like this."
He comes down the stairs, moving his hips with each step. "Now, don’t
worry, now, because uh, I’m choreographing this number myself and I want
everyone to have fun. I wanna work with ya. But uh . . . let’s just see if we
can get a little . . . a little . . . " He takes his knee and pushes on the
back of Gorpley’s left knee, trying to get him to flex it a bit. " . . .
in your knees and in your hips, man." Balki "bumps" Gorpley’s
hip with his own. "You gotta just let out what you’re feelin’.
That’s
what music’s all about. Come on, baby. Burn me up this time, put a little fire
into it!"
"If you don’t start behaving like yourself by the time I count to
three," Gorpley warns, "You are out of a job! One!" "For the
money," Balki says. "Two," Gorpley continues. "For the
show!" Balki says. The telephone rings and Balki becomes Balki again,
looking at Mr. Gorpley. "Hi, Mr. Gorpley. Where did you come from?"
"Minneapolis," Gorpley answers, "And it’s really none of your
business!" Gorpley walks to his office as the phone rings again.
Balki
becomes Elvis again and walks to the phone, shaking his hips on the way. The
phone rings once more before Balki reaches it and he picks it up as Balki.
"Hello?" Balki says into the receiver, "Oh no, this is the
basement. Complaints is extension 6830. You’re welcome."
Balki hangs up
the phone. Balki sees his wallet sitting on Larry’s desk and picks it up,
looking around in confusion, then putting it back into his pocket. The elevator
door opens and Larry steps out, saying, "Thank you, Harriette." "All right, sweetie," Harriette answers as she closes the door. Larry
walks to his desk, saying, "All right, Balki, come on. We gotta get to your
tax audit. We’ll run over your return in the car." "Cousin, I don’t
think that’s a good idea," Balki says worriedly, "We might get tire
marks on it." "Get in the car," Larry says seriously.
Balki runs
past him and they head into the parking garage.
We see the exterior of a building with a sign reading "Internal Revenue
Service Building." A man is sitting at his desk and hits the intercom
button on his phone. "Charlotte, send in my next appointment."
Larry
opens the door and he and Balki enter. "Hi," Larry says. "Hi," the man says, standing.
"Hi!" Balki offers, walking up
and hugging the man, "I’m Balki Bartokomous. This is my Cousin
Larry." "Ronald Yates, I’ll be your auditor," the man
introduces himself, "Why don’t you sit down and we’ll get
started." "Well, thank you," Balki says as he and Larry sit down
across from the desk, "It’s a nice place you’ve got here. So . . .
green. Did you decorate it yourself?" "Uh, no. Uncle Sam did that for
me," Mr. Yates answers. "Really?" Balki asks, "I have an
Uncle Sam myself. Actually, his name is Salmonella after the fish and the jazz
singer." "Balki, this is a tax audit," Larry explains, "Not
‘This is Your Life.’"
The telephone on the auditor’s desk rings and Balki starts gyrating in his
seat like Elvis. Mr. Yates picks up the phone. "Yates speaking.
Yes, sir? I’ll
be right there." Mr. Yates hangs up and stands, asking, "Uh, will you
excuse me for a moment?" "Yes," Larry answers. Mr. Yates leaves
the office. "Well, he seems like a nice guy," Larry comments.
"Yeah. Think I’ll buy him a Cadillac," Balki says. Larry looks at
Balki strangely, asking, "What?" "Buying Cadillacs for people
makes me feel good," Balki says, "You want one?" "Will you
stop that?" Larry asks. "Stop what?" Balki asks. "Stop
pretending to be somebody else," Larry says, "Who are you,
anyway?" "Well, uh . . . folks call me ‘The King.’"
"The
king of what?" Larry asks. "Man, that’s cute," Balki smiles,
"I’ll have to tell that one to Priscilla when I get back to Graceland."
Larry’s eyes open wide and he stares at Balki in shock. "Oh my Lord!
You
think you’re Elvis!" "Well, of course I do! Don’t be
ridiculous!" Balki says.
"You must have got hypnotized at the party," Larry says worriedly,
"Oh, okay. All right, all right, all right. Snap out of it!"
Larry 
snaps his fingers but Balki is still Elvis. "Snap out of it!" Larry
repeats, trying again and again. "Uh, no offense, man, but you ain’t got
no rhythm," Balki says, "It goes like this." Balki stands up,
snapping his fingers, and launches into "Suspicious Minds," dancing
along as he sings. "All right, all right, all right," Larry says,
trying to think quickly, "What did Lamont do? He rang a little bell!
He
rang a bell!" Larry thinks a moment then realizes, "The phone!
The
phone!" He gets up and goes to the phone, looking at it to write down the
phone number on the envelope he brought Balki’s tax return in. Larry then runs out
the door to the waiting room. A moment later the phone on the desk rings and
Balki stops being Elvis. Larry races back through the door, launching himself
across the desk to pick up the receiver before the phone can ring again.
Balki eyes Larry in shock. "Cousin, you’re acting a little
strange," Balki notes. "Balki?" Larry asks. "Yes?"
Balki asks, sounding worried. "It’s you," Larry sighs with relief,
hanging up the phone and getting off the desk, "It worked." "What
worked?" Balki asks, "Did I pass my audit?" "No," Larry
answers. "Where did Mr. Yates go?" "Well, he . . . "
"Why am I so sweaty?" Before Larry can explain anything, Mr. Yates
enters the office again. "Excuse the interruption," he says, walking
to his desk, "Sorry." "Uh, look," Larry begins, "I can
see you’re very busy so if you have any questions about the return why don’t
you give us a call? Come on, Balki." "I have questions about the
return," Mr. Yates says, "That’s why you’re here." "Cousin, what . . . what are you doing?" Balki asks in exasperation,
"You’re acting very peculiar. Very peculiar." Balki and Larry sit
down again.
Mr. Yates pushes the intercom button on his phone and says,"Charlotte, I’m
expecting a call from my wife any minute. Would you 
pick up when it rings?"
Upon hearing the word "rings," Larry gets panicked. "Oh!
Oh!" he cries, holding his hand up over his eyes, "Gosh, the glare
from that window. You mind if I, uh, tilt the blind?" Larry gets up and
walks past Mr. Yates, desk, going straight to where the phone cord goes into the
wall. Without a moment’s hesitation, Larry grabs the wire and yanks it out of
the wall. Balki gets to his feet and he and Mr. Yates stare at Larry in shock as
Larry stands with the frayed cord in his hand. "What do you think you’re
doing?" Mr. Yates asks. "Oh goodness!" Larry says innocently,
"How’d that happen?" "How did that happen?" Balki asks,
"You walked over and yanked it out of the wall! What are you doing?"
"Balki, Balki," Larry tries to stop him, "Just let Mr. Yates
finish the audit. I’m sorry about the phone. I was raised among the
Amish." Mr. Yates gets to his feet and says, "Could everyone just stay
seated while we get through this?" Larry and Balki sit down, crossing their
legs at the same time.
"Now, Mr. Bartokomous," Mr. Yates begins, "how much did you
earn last year?" "Well, uh, let me think," Balki says, and then a
clock hanging on the wall starts to chime three o’clock. Balki becomes Elvis
on the first chime, gyrating and shouting, "Take it home, Shaun! Jam!"
The clock chimes again and Balki becomes Balki again, saying, "Let me think.
Um .
. . must have been . . . " 
The clock chimes the third time and Balki is
Elvis again. "Can’t stop it now, baby! Can’t stop it now!"
"Excuse me? Sir?" Mr. Yates asks, "Your income from last
year?" "Well, I have no idea," Balki answers, "The Colonel
handles all my money." "And I’m the Colonel," Larry improvises,
"Colonel Larry Appleton. And this Colonel can assure you that this
gentleman’s income was exactly what it says on that tax return." "Could you let your friend answer the questions?" Mr. Yates asks, then
addresses Balki, "Sir? Mr. Bartokomous . . . " "Uh, my name isn’t
Bartokomous," Balki says as he gets up and approaches the desk, "It’s,
uh, Presley. Elvis Aaron Presley. Uh . . . maybe you get a lot of Elvises in
here, I dunno, but . . . " Balki walks around the chairs to the back wall.
" . . . so you know which one I am . . . " Balki grabs a barometer
that has a long neck from the wall and holds it like a guitar. "I’m gonna
sing ya a song." Balki jumps up onto Mr. Yates desk, landing on his knees
and strumming the barometer as he sings "Heartbreak Hotel."
Back at the apartment that evening, Larry is sitting on the couch.
There is a
knock at the door and he goes to answer it. Lydia enters with Lamont.
"We
got here as fast as we could!" Lydia says, "How is he?" "Well, he’s in his room being Elvis," Larry
answers, "I got
tired of ringing the bell." Lamont nods and says, "Well, I’ll just
have to hypnotize him again to remove the suggestion." "All right, I’ll
get him," Larry says, "Now . . . bear with me because this is the only
thing that he responds to." Larry hesitates, then says in a booming
announcer’s voice, "Ladies and gentlemen! The Grand Showroom of the Las
Vegas Hilton is proud to present . . . the one . . . the only . . . Elvis!"
Balki comes out of his bedroom and walks to the middle of the living room,
wearing a white sparkling sequined jumpsuit. He gets down on one knee and holds
out the cape of the suit, which is covered with blue sequins, on both sides.
He
takes a wood candlestick from the fireplace mantle and talks into it like a
microphone. "Thank you. You’ve been a really fantastic audience.
A really
beautiful audience. Uh, first picture that I ever made was called ‘Love Me
Tender’ . . . I’d like to sing it for you right now."
"Balki, when I snap my fingers you’re going to fall asleep,"
Lamont says. He snaps his fingers and Balki topples face first to the 
floor
behind the couch. "Now wait a minute," Larry complains, "I
snapped my fingers ‘til I had blisters and it didn’t work for me."
"Well, it’s not just the snap, it’s also the sound of my voice,"
Lamont explains, "Balki, when you hear a bell you will no longer be Elvis.
You understand?" "Well, of course I do, don’t be ridiculous,"
Balki answers, still laying on his face on the carpet. "When I clap my
hands you’ll wake up and you will remember nothing of what happened
yesterday." Lamont claps his hands. Balki slowly gets to his knees, looking
surprised. "Lydia! Mr. Cassidy! What are you doing here?"
"Um, we
just stopped by to pick up my bell," Lamont explains. "Oh!
Oh!"
Larry remembers, fishing into his pocket to pull out the little bell. He rings
it in front of Balki, who simply says, "Pretty." Larry sighs with
relief. "Looks like he’s okay," Lamont observes. "Well, we have
to be going," Lydia says, leading Lamont to the door, "Lamont is gonna
hypnotize me to help me get over my fear of pom poms." As they reach the
door, Lydia spots some pom poms on the wall, decorations from the 50's party.
She lets out a scream and cries, "Look! There’s one now!"
She spots
one on the other side of the door and screams again. Lamont finally manages to
get her out the door.
Larry closes the door behind them. Balki is looking down at himself, still
holding the candlestick. "Why am I wearing a sequined 
jumpsuit?" he
asks. "Balki, last night when Lamont tried to hypnotize me, you got
hypnotized instead," Larry explains, "You thought you were Elvis all
day. You made me take you shopping." Balki thinks, then asks, "I didn’t
turn into Elvis during the audit, did I?" "Well, yes, yes," Larry
answers, "But it’s okay. Mr. Yates finally believed you’d been
hypnotized but not until after you tried to hit the high note in ‘You’ll
Never Walk Alone.’" "Boy, I wish I could have been there,"
Balki sighs. "Balki, it’s good to have you back," Larry says.
"Thank you, Cousin," Balki replies, "It’s good to be back.
Even
though I don’t know where I’m back from." Larry looks down and realizes
he still has Lamont’s bell in his hand. "Oh, can you believe that?
Lamont
left his little bell again." Larry rings it and Balki starts to sing
"Heartbreak Hotel." Larry turns to look at Balki in shock and Balki
smiles and points at Larry, saying, "Got you, Cousin!" Balki laughs at
his practical joke.
Script Variations:
There are some notable
differences between the
shooting script dated February 13, 1989 and the aired episode:
- When
Lydia says "You know how easy I am" she specifically says to Harriette,
"To hypnotize." Harriette replies with, "I didn't
say anything."
- After Balki says, "Make him be someone
famous," he thinks and adds, "I know -- Travos Kalidikos."
"Who's that?" Mary Anne asks. "Get out of the city!"
Balki gasps, "You never heard of Travos Kalidikos? He's the biggest
rock 'n' roll star on Mypos. Women and small livestock faint when they see
him. You can't tell me you never heard his hit single, 'Rock Around the
Flock.'" Everyone says no. "What about 'Twist and
Snout'?" They all say no. "I don't believe this. On
Mypos, we heard all about Elvis and he wasn't nearly as world famous as Travos
Kalidikos." "Balki, it really doesn't matter," Larry says,
"He's not going to be able to hypnotize me." The timer goes off
in the kitchen and Balki goes to get the pizza rolls. After Lamont starts
to hypnotize Larry, he says, "When you hear the bell, you'll think you're .
. . " "Make him think he's Elvis," Jennifer suggests,
"I'd love to see him try to curl that upper lip."
- The morning scene in the apartment was actually
longer. Larry is in the kitchen, dressed for work. He crosses to the
bookcase and picks up a manila envelope. Balki enters from his bedroom,
partially dressed for work. "Cousin, what are you doing up so
early?" Balki asks. "Balki, I'm leaving for work early,"
Larry explains, "Marshall and Walpole have a lot for me to do and I want to
get ready for your tax audit. You haven't forgotten your tax audit, have
you?" "Oh, I wouldn't forget my appointment with the We Are
Us," Balki assures him. "The IRS," Larry corrects.
"You are who?" Balki asks. "The Internal Revenue
Service," Larry explains. "Oh, oh, oh right," Balki says,
looking around, "I guess we'll clean up this place tonight when we get
home." Larry sees Lamont's bell sitting on the end table.
"Oh, look, Lamont forgot his little bell. Do you believe that
guy?" Larry picks up the bell and rings it. Balki becomes Elvis
but Larry doesn't notice. "He acts like he doesn't want to hypnotize
people at parties, but he carried this little bell around with him," Larry
scoffs. He rings the bell again and Balki becomes Balki again.
"I can't believe he thought he could hypnotize me," Larry
continues. "He sure did a good job with Lydia," Balki
notes. "Balki, Lydia gets hypnotized watching clothes spin around in
dryer," Larry says, "See you at work." Larry exits out the
front door with the folder. This is when Balki starts cleaning the plates
off the counter and the phone rings.
- The scene in the newsroom begins differently,
too. Larry is talking to Harriette, saying, "What am I going to
do? Balki hasn't shown up yet and his tax audit is in twenty
minutes." "Maybe the pressure of the audit is getting to
him," Harriette suggests, "I remember when I was audited. I was
so upset, I didn't know which way was up. Which is dangerous when you're
an elevator operator." The elevator buzzes three times.
"Buzz all you want," Harriette calls, "I'm not going to get there
any faster." To Larry she says, "You've got to teach them a
little respect." Harriette exits in the elevator and Larry goes to
his desk and this is when Balki arrives as Elvis.
- When Balki explains about his Uncle Salmonella
being named after the fish and the jazz singer, he adds, "His mother liked
both so . . . " before Larry interrupts.
- There is a segment at the auditor's office which
isn't in the episode. After Larry manages to get the phone to ring to turn
Balki back into Balki and Mr. Yates comes back in his office, Mr. Yates asks,
"Is this the tax return you filed last year?" "Yes, it
is," Balki answers, "But I didn't do it all myself. Cousin Larry
helped me." "Good, now . . . " Mr. Yates begins, but a
woman pushes a small coffee wagon to the door. She asks, "Your usual,
Mr. Yates?" "Oh, thanks, Cleo," he says. Cleo takes a
cup of coffee and a cheese danish off the cart and takes them to Mr.
Yates. Balki notices there is a bell on her cart. "Oh, look
Cousin," Balki says. "Not now, Balki," Larry insists.
"She has a little bell on her cart," Balki notes. Before Larry
can stop him, Balki rings the bell and becomes Elvis. "Baby, you look
sexy tonight, you start the hammers pounding in my skull," Balki says to
Cleo, doing an Elvis pucker and kissing her. Cleo is in awe and says,
"I get off at six." Larry reaches over and rings the bell on her
cart and Balki becomes Balki again. "Nice bell," Larry
comments. Cleo blows Balki a kiss and exits. "Boy, everyone
here is so friendly," Balki notes. This is when Larry tries to say to
the auditor that he appears to be busy. The way the scenes appear in the
final episode it seems as if this part was dropped before the actual filming,
although the part of Cleo had already been cast and was supposed to be played by
Debra Christofferson.
- After Balki turns into Elvis and starts to sing
"Heartbreak Hotel" for the auditor, Larry tries to explain it by
saying, "You're probably wondering why he's doing that. You see, last
night we were giving a little party for one of our friends. It was a
fifties thing. And as luck would have it, there was a hypnotist
there. I said I couldn't be hypnotized and I was right.
Unfortunately . . . " and the scene dissolves.
- After Larry says, "Balki, last night when
Lamont tried to hypnotize me, you got hypnotized instead. You thought you
were Elvis all day. You made me take you shopping," Balki responds by
saying, "Wait a minute. Are you saying last night Lamont tried to
hypnotize you and I got hypnotized instead? And I thought you was Elvis
all day and made me take you shopping?" "Yes," Larry
answers.
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