PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE

EPISODE 64 - Come Fly With Me

First Air Date: February 10, 1989
Nielsen Rating: 14.7 HH

Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Robert Griffard & Howard Adler
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne

Guest Cast:
Robert Pierce: The Groom
Mary Ellen Dunbar: The Bride
John Di Santi: The Irate Passenger
J.P. Bumstead: The Vegetarian
Gerald Castillo: The Ex-Smoker
Rowena Balos: The Woman
Nancy McNamara (aka Nan McNamara): The Red-Headed Woman

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode.

Balki-isms:
"I can’t believe I’m actually going to fly on an aeroplane and spend a whole week in the Great Pumpkin."
"Well, without you the Big Apple will be rotten to the core."
"Isn’t that where the Japanese bombed Pearl Bailey?"
" . . . if you check these bags then they’ll put them in the stomach of the plane for you."
"Well, Cousin, as you know I prefer suspenders to a belt buckle any time . . . "
"Yes, whenever we find quality, we try to control it."
"Listen, who gets the veterinarian’s supper?"
"It’s in the Mr. Microphone oven."
"Why are you acting like a lunch mob?"
"Well, I got a hot flash for you . . . "

Don’t be ridiculous: Said once in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Balki, Balki, Balki . . . "
"It’s common knowledge."

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry has a clipboard to organize things
Larry chooses to ignore a mistake of Balki’s instead of bothering to try to correct him
Larry makes a wacky excuse for Balki’s odd behavior

Songs: "King of the Road" - sung by Balki as he listens to the music on the plane’s headset

Interesting facts:
- The title of this episode was borrowed from the 1958 Frank Sinatra hit song and album, Come Fly With Me.
- Some titles of Perfect Strangers episodes were also used for Full House episodes, such as Come Fly With Me, Blast From the Past, Bye, Bye Birdie, The Wedding, The King and I, Up on the Roof (using ‘a’ instead of ‘the) and The Play’s the Thing.  The same is true of Family Matters, which shared the titles Car Wars, To Be or Not to Be, Wedding Bell Blues (without the e on Bell) and Karate Kids,
- Balki’s line "I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it.  I’m about to lose control and I think I like it" is from the 1982 Pointer Sisters song I’m So Excited.
- Balki pronounces Hawaii by enunciating both I’s.  This is actually how the name is supposed to be pronounced (although ideally the ‘w’ should also be pronounced as a ‘v’.)
- Balki’s line "Come on down!" is borrowed from The Price is Right and is what the announcer calls after naming the next contestant from the studio audience.
- If Balki and Larry were taking the same flight today there would be some major differences.  Larry would not be able to carry on so many bags.  And it’s doubtful the airlines would let Balki take a big stick on board, either!  All domestic flights are now non-smoking, so the groom couldn’t impress his bride by demanding the non-smoking section.  Larry would have a long wait before being served any honey roasted peanuts, which have been dropped by most airlines because of allergy concerns.  And while it doesn’t come up in this episode, Larry wouldn’t be able to carry on any substantial amount of liquid antacid.
- Balki’s Aunt Uvula has the same name as the piece of soft tissue dangling down from the soft palette over the back of the tongue.  Of course in Myposian there is probably another word for the uvula and hence his aunt’s name would not mean that to them.
- If character actor Robert Pierce looks familiar, chances are you were a fan of Happy Days or its spin-off show, Joanie Loves Chachi, where he played the band mate named Bingo, which makes sense since the series was an earlier Miller Boyett production.  You can visit Robert's official website here.
- This is the only episode where we get to see Jennifer and Mary Anne in their work environment.
- Character actor John Di Santi, who played the irate customer in this episode, also appeared as a cabbie in the Mark Linn-Baker made-for-TV movie Going to the Chapel. In 1993 he had a recurring role in the series Home Front.
- The person sitting in front of Larry on the plane is reading a copy of the Chicago Chronicle.
- Roger Miller’s song, King of the Road, was a major hit for the country singer back in 1965.
- The flair bartending moments were undoubtedly inspired by the popularity of the 1988 film Cocktail, in which Tom Cruise and Bryan Brown brought the talent to the general public’s attention.
- The pilot’s name is Captain Hogan.  This is an in-joke referring to the earlier Miller / Boyett series, Valerie (which became The Hogan Family), in which the husband / father was an international airline pilot.
- Ernest Goes to Camp was one of several movies starring Jim Varney as Ernest P. Worrell, a goofball character he created for countless television commercials in the 1980's.  His famous catchphrase, "Know what I mean, Vern?" was part of these commercials in which his character would endlessly harass his hapless (and never seen) neighbor, Vern, to tout whatever product needed selling.  Sadly Jim Varney passed away in 2000.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- When Balki exits his bedroom the hobo bag he is carrying accidentally hits a picture hanging on the wall just inside his room.  The picture continues to swing behind him as Balki quotes The Pointer Sisters.
- Balki says this is the first time he will have ever been on a plane. But Balki and Larry flew to Las Vegas back in the second season episode Babes in Babylon (where Larry said he sold his plane ticket to get more money for gambling).
- At some point Balki and Larry switch seats and Larry sits in the aisle instead.  It’s never explained why they changed places.  In fact, the script variations below makes their seating arrangement even more confusing!
- Larry mentions seat 26 B but Larry and Balki are in row 22 and there are only two rows behind them.  The galley appears to be at the back of the plane.  So where would row 26 be, exactly?
- The establishing shot of the Honolulu Airport shows the plane sitting at the gate.  The plane was actually superimposed onto the footage of the airport, and you can see the which part is the matte painting when the image moves around slightly.  This was very common for these kind of shots that the superimposed elements have a slight movement to them, making them somewhat obvious.

Synopsis:
The episode begins in the cousins’ apartment during the day.  Larry is in the living room packing clothes into a suitcase.  There are several other bags already packed and on the coffee table and chair.  Balki comes out of his bedroom carrying a bundle on a stick similar to a hobo’s pouch.  "Cousin, I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it!" Balki begins, walking to Larry, "I’m about to lose control . . . and I think I like it.  I can’t believe I’m finally going to fly on an aeroplane and spend a whole week in the Great Pumpkin."  "No, Balki, not the Great Pumpkin," Larry corrects, "New York City is the Big Apple."  Balki nods and sets his hobo bag aside. "Is that all you’re taking?" Larry asks.  "Well, of course not, don’t be ridiculous," Balki says, "I’m wearing an extra set of jockey shorts."  Balki fidgets uncomfortably.

There is a knock at the door.  Balki goes to open the door as Larry closes the suitcase and moves to pick up a clipboard.  Mary Anne and Jennifer enter as Balki says, "Hi, girls!" and the girls greet him.  "Hi!" Larry says as Jennifer approaches, "Are you two ready for New York City?"  "Larry," Jennifer begins, "About that . . . I’m afraid we have some bad news."  "We’ve finally been assigned to work the Hawaii flight, the one we’ve been bidding on for so long?" Mary Anne explains, "It’s the best route on the schedule, more money and something most flight attendants only dream about."  "Well, that doesn’t sound like bad news to me," Larry smiles.  "It doesn’t, does it?" Mary Anne realizes, "What was the bad news, Jennifer?"  Jennifer eyes Mary Anne in disbelief a moment, then turns to Larry.  "The bad news is that we have to start our new flight tomorrow so we can’t go to New York with you guys," Jennifer explains, "I’m really sorry, Larry."  "Oh," Larry sighs in disappointment, "Oh . . . well, uh . . . that’s all right.  I understand about careers."  "Well, without you the Big Apple will be rotten to the core," Balki tells Mary Anne.

"Gee, too bad you guys are so set on New York," Mary Anne says, "If you weren’t you could go to Hawaii with us."  "Hawaii?  Well, that sounds great!" Larry says enthusiastically, then worries, "But I don’t know if we can afford it."  "No, sure you can!" Jennifer assures him, "If you fly standby it’ll be just a little bit more than you’d spend on your trip to New York!"  "Cousin! Hawai’i!" Balki says with excitement, "It will be fun and educational.  Isn’t that where the Japanese bombed Pearl Bailey?"  "Yes, it is," Larry answers with a smile.  After a moment Larry announces, "Well, let’s go to Hawaii!"  Mary Anne and Balki hug as Jennifer hugs Larry.  "This is great!" Jennifer exclaims, and she and Mary Anne head for the door, "Well, we better go get packed.  We’ll see you in the morning."  Balki follows them to the door, waving his arms in excitement, as Larry says, "We’ll be ready!"  After Balki closes the door Larry cries, "We’ll never be ready!  It took me six weeks to pack for New York City.  Now I’ve got twelve hours to pack for Hawaii.  I need sunscreen, sunglasses, casual wear, something formal yet not fussy in case we go out to dinner . . . "  During this worrying, Balki has approached Larry.  "Cousin, all you need for Hawai’i is a swimsuit, a towel and a pair of those sandals with, uh . . . that thing that goes in between your toes."  "Thongs," Larry explains.  "You’re welcome," Balki smiles, "See you in the morning."  Balki dances to his room as Larry stands, confused.

The next morning at the airport, we see the interior of a passenger plane.  Balki peeks through the curtains separating first class from coach, carrying his hobo sack on a stick.  "Hello!" he says to everyone in general, then enters, moving down the aisle and greeting people as he goes.  "Hello!" He motions to one man and says, "Hi!" then looks across to the other side and says "Hello."  He stops at the next row and reaches down to take a woman’s hand, shaking it as he says, "Hello, I’m Balki Bartokomous."  He moves to the opposite side and pats a red-headed woman’s shoulder and repeats, "Balki Bartokomous.  I’m in 22D.  Feel free to drop by any time."  He continues down the aisle past the next row of seats, saying "Hello!" to everyone.  To one man he says, "How are you?  Balki Bartokomous . . . sheepherder."  Balki reaches row 22 and looks at the number above the seats.  A man finishes placing his bag in the full storage bin above their row and moves away as Balki calls, "Cousin!  Cousin!  22 D & E!  Come on down!"

Larry bursts through the curtains into the cabin, struggling to carry four bags.  He pauses at the curtain and calls back, "Sorry!"  As he makes his way down the aisle he manages to hit just about every person in an aisle seat with one of the bags, saying, "Excuse me.  Oh, I am terribly sorry.  Sorry.  I’m sorry.  I’ll be by in a sec.  I’m sorry.  Oh, I am so sorry.  Let me just get by and I’ll be fine."  He finally reaches their row and hits the man sitting in the aisle across from them with a bag.  "I’m sorry.  Sorry," Larry offers, turning around and hitting the same man with another bag.  The man pushes Larry roughly into his seat.  Larry eyes the man and finally says, sarcastically, "Thank you."  Larry gets up and starts to sort out his bags to put in the overhead bin.  "Cousin, uh . . . you know if you check these bags then they’ll put them in the stomach of the plane for you."  "Balki, Balki, Balki," Larry sighs, "I make it a point to carry on all my luggage and put it in the overhead compartment."

Larry reaches up to open the compartment above their row as Balki tries to warn him.  "Well, just . . . just . . . just let me . . . "  Larry opens the compartment and all the bags fall out on him, landing on the floor.  "I was just gonna say that this particular compartment was full," Balki finishes.  "So it was," Larry notes.  "Cousin, let me take care of that," Balki offers, climbing out of the row to pick up the fallen bags, "You do your bags."  Balki leans down to pick up one of the bags and when he straightens Larry manages to hit him on the side of the head with one of his.  "Oh . . . I’m so sorry," Larry offers.  "Oh, that’s okay, that’s okay," Balki assures him.  "Okay," Larry sighs, and lifts another of his bags which hits Balki on the forehead.  "I’m sorry," Larry says.  "It’s okay!  It’s okay," Balki says again, a little less patiently this time.  Larry tries to find a way to carry all the bags again and Balki hands him his last bag.  "Thank you," Larry smiles.  "Sure," Balki says.  As Larry turns to walk down the aisle he swings the bag up and hits Balki on the chin.  Larry walks toward the back to find a place to put his bags.

We see a man and a woman, who are sitting in the row behind Balki and Larry  row.  "You know, I love the way you demanded the no smoking section at he ticket counter," the bride smiles, "I never knew you could be so forceful!"  The man laughs and says, "Well, there’s a lot about me you don’t know, honey.  But, you’ll have the rest of our lives to find out."  They move to kiss one another when Balki, who has been watching from his row, leans over the seat and says, "Let me guess!  Honeymooners?"  "Yes, we are," the man confirms with a smile.  "So tell me," Balki asks the man, "was it a prearranged marriage?  Or did you have to pay for her with livestock?  Gee, she looks like she could command at least two sheep and a goat."  The bride and groom are at a loss for what to say.  "You know," Balki continues, "My aunt Uvula used to say, ‘Just give me an ox.  I don’t care about the dowry, I don’t care about those little towels that you get when you . . . "  By this time Larry has returned and pulls Balki off the back of the seat.  "Excuse him," Larry says to the couple, "He’s on anti-seizure medication."

Larry pushes Balki down into his aisle seat and sits down beside him in the middle seat.  "Balki, these people don’t want to be disturbed," Larry explains, "Now, buckle up."  "Well, Cousin, as you know I prefer suspenders to a belt buckle any time," Balki points out, "both for aesthetic and practical considerations."  Balki starts to talk to the man across the aisle from him, "As I once . . . "  "No, the seat belt," Larry sighs, then says, "Here . . . here," as he reaches over and grabs Balki’s seat belt and pulls it around Balki to buckle him in.  "Comfy?" Larry asks.  "Yeah," Balki smiles.  "Tight enough?" Larry asks, pulling the strap to tighten it as Balki squeaks, "Oh, yes!"  Larry settles down in his own seat and we can see the man in front of Balki put a pillow behind his head and settle back to try to rest.  Balki reaches under his seat for something and as he does so he accidentally hits the knob that releases the tray table.  It falls down in front of him, much to Balki’s surprise.  "Balki, put the tray table up," Larry says.  "Well, I . . . I . . . I . . . " Balki stammers, still confused.  "Put the tray table up now," Larry insists.

Balki pushes the tray up and Larry starts to read a magazine, but Balki doesn’t understand about turning the knob to keep it up, so when he lets go it falls back down.  Balki pushes it up again, hard, but it falls down as soon as he lets go.  Balki gets frustrated, trying to push the tray table up repeatedly, but it won’t stay.  The man in the seat in front of him is getting jostled as Balki tries with more and more fervor to get the tray table to stay closed.  Larry just watches this in exasperation as Balki starts shoving the tray into the seat, finally even giving it a kick as well.  Larry reaches over and grabs the tray and scolds, "Stop it!"  Balki clasps a hand over his mouth as Larry moves to turn the knob and the man in front of them looks over the back of his seat at then, seeing Larry as the one with his hand on the tray.  Larry realizes the man thinks he’s the one who’s been pushing on the back of the seat.  "You’re not ever gonna do that again?  Are you?" the man snarls at Larry.  "Cousin, I have to just say here he has a point," Balki says, "It’s very disruptive to the travel experience."  The man sits back down in his seat and Balki smiles like a naughty child as Larry fastens the tray into its upright position.

Steaming, Larry grabs a set of headphones from the pouch in front of Balki and starts to fumble with them, plugging them into Balki’s armrest as Balki looks around at his surroundings with curiosity.  Finally Larry finishes readying the headphones and holds them up to Balki, saying, "Come here!" in a threatening manner.  Balki eyes the headphones and panics, crying, "Cousin!  No!  I promise I’ll never touch it again!"  Balki tries to move away as Larry struggles with him to put the headphones in his ears, but Balki is trapped by the seat belt and can’t wiggle away, gasping and crying with fear until Larry finally gets them in place.  Balki stops, listens, and then smiles and says, "Ooh!"  Balki settles into his seat and listens happily as Larry tries again to read his magazine.  Balki starts snapping his fingers and moving his head in time to the music, finally breaking out singing, "Trailers for sale or rent . . . rooms to let, fifty cents . . . "  "Balki," Larry tries to interrupt.  " . . . no phone, no pool, no pets . . . I ain’t got no cigarettes . . . "  He becomes louder with each line until everyone in the plane is looking at him.  Balki continues to sing, "Ah but, two hours of pushin’ . . . " when Larry pulls the plug of the headphones out of the arm jack and yells, "Balki!" into the end, causing Balki to jump in fright.  Larry pulls the headphones out of Balki’s ears and Balki cries, "Why you did that for?"  "I’m sorry, I’m sorry," Larry offers, "I forgot to tell you, this is a . . . no singing section."

Jennifer and Mary Anne appear from the back and approach their aisle.  "Hi, guys," Jennifer says.  "Jennifer, Mary Anne!" Balki says as Larry stands up.  Balki tries to stand up but is stopped by his seat belt.  Larry reaches down and unbuckles it for him so he can stand up.  "We just wanted to say hello because we won’t have a chance to talk during the flight," Jennifer explains.  "Well, then I’ll have to give you these now," Balki says, reaching under the seat in front of him to pull out a canister which he opens, "I baked us a little treat for our trip."  "Those look good," Jennifer notes.  "What are they?" Mary Anne asks, taking one.  "These are honey roasted chalkidikis," Balki explains.  Jennifer takes one as well and asks, "What?"  "Honey roasted chalkidikis," Balki repeats, "the traditional travel food of Mypos."  Balki offers them to Larry, saying, "Cousin."  "Uh no, I’ll wait for the honey roasted peanuts," Larry says, "the traditional travel food of America."  "Balki, these are delicious," Jennifer says.  "Oh thank you very much," Balki replies, "They’re not only tasty and nutritious but they have a shelf life of over one hundred and twenty years."  "Captain Hogan," a voice comes over the loudspeaker, "Will the flight attendants please prepare for departure?"  "Put your seat belt on," Mary Anne tells Balki and the girls return to the back, reminding passengers to buckle in as well.

We see the airplane coming down the runway as it takes off.  Balki cries out excitedly, "Cousin, we’re fly-ing!"  As the plane reaches cruising altitude, we return to the cabin.  Jennifer walks into the cabin from the back, looking sick.  She approaches Larry and Balki and says, "Larry, I feel terrible and so does Mary Anne."  "Well, maybe it’s something you ate," Larry guesses, "Whatdja have for breakfast this morning?"  "Well, uh, just a little coffee, dry toast and that chalkidiki Balki gave us."  Larry looks at Balki, who says, "Jennifer, think very carefully . . . what kind of toast was it?"  "Balki, it wasn’t the toast," Larry argues, "What’s in those chalkidikis?"  "Cousin, nothing special," Balki assures him, "just uh . . . you know, flour, eggs honey, yeast . . . um . . . goat spleen . . . aged at room temperature until it has that little green fur on it.  Salt and pepper to taste . . . "  Jennifer says, "Excuse me," and hurries away, looking even sicker than before.  "Little green fur?" Larry asks in disbelief.  "Cousin, I know what you’re thinking," Balki says, "You’re thinking I should have waited until the goat spleen fur turned blue, but that’s only what they do on the south side of Mypos.  It’s a regional thing."

"No," Larry interrupts, "No, that’s not what I’m talking about.  Those chalkidikis made her sick."  "I find that hard to believe!" Balki cries, "I’ve been eating them since I was five years old and they never made me sick . . . unless I have them with milk.  But you don’t combine spleen with dairy products, it’s common knowledge."  "What happens if you do?" Larry asks.  "You wish you were dead," Balki answers.  Larry unbuckles and they get up and head to the back of the plane.  As they walk down the aisle they pass the last row where Mary Anne is laying across the seats covered with a blanket.  Larry and Balki kneel next to her and Balki takes her hand.  "Mary Anne, how do you feel?" Larry asks.  "I wish I were dead," she moans.  "Not a good sign, Cousin," Balki notes.  "Did you have any dairy products this morning?" Larry asks.  "Just the cream in my coffee," Mary Anne answers.  "That would do it," Balki says.  They leave Mary Anne and walk into the galley in the back where Jennifer is preparing the drinks cart.  "Jennifer?" Larry says, "Maybe you should get some help from the flight attendants in first class."  "No, Larry, they’ll think we can’t handle the job and we’ll lose the route," Jennifer answers, "Now don’t worry . . . I had a glass of milk and I think that’ll make me feel better."  "Think again," Balki states.  Jennifer suddenly gasps and turns to run into the bathroom.

"Cousin, uh, remind me to put a warning label on any future chalkidikis," Balki sighs.  "Balki, are they gonna be all right?" Larry asks worriedly.  "Yeah, Cousin, they’re gonna be fine in just a few hours but until then it won’t be pretty."  "Hey, what d’ya have to do to get a drink on this flight?" one of the passengers calls out.  "Oh, I guess I better explain to the other passengers," Balki says, "I’m sure they’ll understand."  Larry reaches out to stop him.  "Uh, no no no.  You can’t do that.  Those people don’t want to understand.  All they want is service."  "Well, Cousin, how are they going to get service with Jennifer and Mary Anne so sick?" Balki asks.  Larry look over and spots a couple of aprons hanging on the wall, one blue and one green, which he takes down.  "We’ll do it ourselves," he says.  "What?" Balki asks.  "Come on," Larry encourages, "All we have to do is pass out a few magazines, pour some coffee, heat up a few TV dinners.  Let’s go."

"Cousin, I want the blue one," Balki says about the apron, even though Larry already almost has it completely on.  "No, it doesn’t make any difference," Larry argues.  "No, I really want the blue one," Balki insists. Larry continues to refuse until Balki says, "I need the blue one."  Larry gives up and pulls it off, leaning over to put it over Balki’s neck but Balki pushes his apron at Larry and gets his over Larry’s neck, only Balki’s arms have gone through the neck of the blue apron and it leaves Balki with his arms sticking through the straps awkwardly.  Larry quickly fastens the green apron and says, "Okay.  Head ‘em up . . . move ‘em out."  Larry pushes on the beverage cart but it won’t budge.  He keeps trying to push it, putting all his weight on it.  "Maybe this little thing down here is the brake," Balki notes as he reaches down and switches off the brake.  The cart flies forward and Larry falls flat on his face in the aisle as the cart careens down the center of the cabin at top speed, making a loud crashing sound at the other end.  Balki stands between Larry’s legs, looking down the aisle.  "Yup.  That was it," Balki notes and the scene fades to black.

Act two begins with Larry and Balki serving drinks from the cart.  They reach the irate passenger who sits in front of Balki and stop.  "Sir, may I interest you in a refreshing beverage?" Balki asks.  "White Russian," the man answers.  "Oh my goodness, no no no . . . uh, many people make that mistake," Balki says, "I’m actually an olive-skinned Myposian . . . "  "Balki . . . it’s a drink," Larry explains.  "Oh!  That White Russian," Balki realizes, "Coming up!"  Balki and Larry start fixing the drink in the style of flair bartenders.  Larry flips the plastic cup into the air and calls, "Ice!"  Balki tosses an ice cube to Larry who catches it in the cup.  "Nice!" Balki comments.  "Ice!" Larry prompts again and Balki throws a second cube which Larry catches in the cup. "Nice twice!" Balki notes.  "Vodka!" Larry calls.  "A lotka!" Balki answers as he tosses the tiny bottle to Larry.  Larry tosses it behind his back and catches it, unscrewing the top and emptying it into the glass.  "Kahlua!" Larry calls, tossing the empty vodka bottle to Balki.  "For you-a!" Balki answers, tossing the tiny Kahlua bottle to Larry.  Larry tosses that behind his back as well, then opens and empties it.  "Cream!" Larry calls, tossing the empty Kahlua bottle to Balki.  "A dream!" Balki answers, tossing the cream carton to Larry.  Larry pours the bit of cream in and holds the glass out to Balki, saying, "Swizzle?"  "A bizzle!" Balki answers, placing a swizzle stick into the cup.  Larry hands the drink to the man and everyone applauds the performance.

"I thought you guys were just passengers," the man comments.  "Oh no no no," Larry says, "Uh, we work for the airline.  We’re, uh . . . quality control experts."  "Yes, whenever we find quality, we try to control it," Balki adds.  "Don’t go away, anybody," Larry announces, "You don’t want to miss the dinner show."  Larry and Balki hold up their arms in a showbiz way and each try to pull the cart a separate way until Balki follows Larry lead and they roll it to the galley as the passengers applaud again.  Once in the back Larry sets the cart aside but Balki continues to strike the pose, until Larry says, "Balki!  Balki, this is great!  For the first time I’m helping Jennifer out of a jam I didn’t get her into.  Come on, let’s get the dinners ready."  Larry moves to get two trays of dinners out of their storage container when the Captain’s voice comes over the loudspeaker.  "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Hogan again.  Please fasten your seat belts.  It appears we’ll be experiencing a little turbulence."  Balki also takes two trays out of the container and turns to Larry, who is behind him in the cramped space.  "Cousin?  What . . . what is turbulence?" Balki asks.  The plane suddenly bounces and Balki falls into Larry, smearing the dinner he is holding all over Larry’s face.

In the next scene the transition shot shows the plane bouncing terribly.  Larry is trying desperately to serve coffee from a pot while the plane rocks back and forth.  He stops at a row where a woman asks, "Is that regular?"  "Yes, it is," Larry answers and pours some into her cup, almost spilling it.  Larry turns around and the red-headed woman on the other side of the aisle asks, "Is that decaf?"  Larry thinks a moment then answers, "Yes, it is."  He pours a little into her cup and then asks, "Cream or sugar?" "Yes, please," she answers.  The plane jerks suddenly and the little tray with the cream and sugar packets on it tips over, dumping them on the woman and floor.  "Oh, well the uh . . . the cream is by your left foot and the sugar is . . . "  Larry looks for it, then gives up, saying, "Sugar is bad for you."  As Larry heads for the back the woman who asked for regular coffee says, "Hey, you, my baked potato’s cold."  "Well, here, let me heat that up for you," Larry offers, holding the tray out so she can place the potato onto it.  He starts for the back again.  The irate man says, "You get these dirty trays?"  "Dirty trays?  We haven’t even eaten yet!" the groom complains another passenger in the back yell, "Yeah!  When are we gonna eat?"  "Well, I’ll get your dinners out as fast as I can," Larry promises, forcing a smile.

Larry manages to reach the back where Balki is standing with his back to him.  Balki turns around, showing he is eating a dessert with whipped cream, some of the cream on his face.  "Balki, help me!" Larry says.  Balki sets the dessert down and runs to the food trays storage container where he opens the door.  Larry is standing behind him in the cramped space, and every time Balki tries to pull out a tray from the container Larry falls into him and the tray gets pushed back in.  "Balki, rows twenty-two through twenty-four still need their dinners, and we’ve got to pick up the trays from rows nineteen through twenty-one, 23 A wants a club soda with a twist and 86 the Seven & Seven on the 26 B."  "Ten four, Cousin," Balki replies, finally pulling a tray from the container, "Listen, who gets the veterinarian’s supper?"  "19 C," Larry answers.  "Okay," Balki answers, sniffing at the dinner.  The microwave beeps and Larry takes out the baked potato he put in a moment ago.  "Oh, potato’s ready," Larry says, reaching in to take it out.  He screams as it burns his fingers, and Balki sets the tray down as Larry throws the potato to him.  Balki cries in pain and tosses it back to Larry.  Larry juggles it before throwing it back to Balki.  Balki tosses it to the ex-smoker in the second to last row (there is nothing in the final script to indicate why he is called this), who then tosses it to the bride, who throws it to the irate man, all screaming in pain as it goes along.  The man hands it to the woman who wanted it reheated, who says, "Thank you!"

Larry says, "Balki, you pick up the dirty trays.  I’ll fix the rest of the dinners."  "Okay," Balki says and he hurries down the aisle as the passengers in the back of the cabin complain, asking what’s taking so long.  Balki starts to get the dirty trays when a man in the front row stands up and asks, "Where’s my vegetarian meal?"  "Oh sir, I know just where it is," Balki explains, "It’s in the Mr. Microphone oven.  I’ll go get it."  Larry and Balki pass each other in the aisle as Larry delivers a tray of food to the irate man.  "Hey hey hey!  Wait a minute now!" yells the ex-smoker, "They’ve already eaten!  That should be our food!"  Larry tries to take the tray back but the irate man grabs it and says, "Well, it’s mine now, buddy!"  "All right," Larry sighs, giving the other tray to the man sitting opposite their seats, "Here you go."  Balki passes Larry again as Larry heads for the back and Balki runs to the front row with a dinner.  "Here you go, sir," Balki says, setting the dinner in front of the man, "One veterinarian supper."  The man looks at the dish which has a steak stuck in the middle.  "But this is steak.  I’m a vegetarian," the man complains.  "Well, I added that," Balki explains, "Our veterans deserve the best."

Balki and Larry pass each other again as Larry delivers trays of food to the newlywed couple.  Exhausted, Larry collapses in the now empty row ahead of the couple.  "You promised to get me a brownie, dear!" the bride complains.  "Well, I think they’re out of them, dear," the groom snaps.  "I want a brownie!" the bride complains.  Larry leans over the seat and says nicely, "Well, I think I can get you an extra brownie."  "Thank you," she smiles.  "Why does the broad get an extra brownie?" the irate man asks.  "Broad?" the groom exclaims as he stands up, "Hey, you can’t call my bride a broad, buddy!"  The irate man approaches him saying, "You wanna step outside, pal?"  "Yeah, I’d like to!" the groom retorts.  "Well, come on!" the irate man shouts, lunging for the groom.  Larry holds them apart, crying, "Wait a minute!  Wait a minute!  Look, I know we’re all a little irritable because we haven’t eaten . . . "  "Yeah, and it’s all your fault!" the red-haired woman complains from the front.  "Yeah, when are we gonna eat?" the man in the back asks.  "Let’s take over the kitchen!" the vegetarian man suggests.  "Yeah!" everyone says, some passengers getting to their feet and surrounding Larry in the aisle.  Balki comes out of the back, again eating the dessert, and asks, "Cousin, need some help?"

"Hey, why are you on a coffee break when I’m starving?" the man in the back asks, getting to his feet as well.  "Yeah, let’s go get our own food!" the groom suggests.  Larry pushes past the mob to block the galley entrance, yelling, "All right, all right, hold it right there!"  He holds up a video cassette tape box and threatens, "One more step and no movie!"  The mob takes a step back, horrified.  "My God!" the bride cries, "I think he means it!"  "What is the movie, anyway?" the irate man asks.  "Oh, it’s a good one," Balki says, reading the cassette box in Larry’s hand, "Ernest Goes to Camp!"  "Get him!" the bride suggests, and the mob starts to advance again.  "Wait a minute!  Wait a minute!" Balki says, stepping forward to keep the mob back, "Now just get back, funky cats.  Now I may be mistaken but I’m picking up some bad vibes from you people.  You’re supposed to be going off to have a nice vacation.  Why aren’t you happy and joyful?  Why are you acting like a lunch mob?"  "‘Cause you’re the worst flight attendants we’ve ever seen," the irate man states.  "Yeah!" everyone agrees.

"Well, I got a hot flash for you," Balki says, "We’re not flight attendants at all.  Here . . . "  Balki pulls blankets off two of the back row seats, revealing Jennifer and Mary Anne, " . . . are your flight attendants.  And they happen to be two of the best in the business."  Jennifer and Mary Anne both collapse onto the seats next to them.  "Unfortunately at the moment they’re two of the sickest in the business," Balki adds.  "Yeah, well cry me a river," the ex-smoker complains, "I paid good money for good service and I’m not getting it."  "We understand that," Larry assures them, "The only reason we’re doing this is to help these ladies out.  I mean, if somebody complains they could lose their jobs.  Now, look . . . is it too much to ask that we all just help out a little?  Just sit down and be patient and we’ll get to you.  Now think about it . . . you’re fighting over airline food."  "Well, he’s got a point," the groom says, "my brownie was awful."  "I thought the Jell-O was pretty good," the irate man sighs.  Everyone goes back to their seats.  Balki and Larry enter the back galley again and Balki sighs, "You know what?  I don’t know how Jennifer and Mary Anne serve dinner at all with the plane bouncing around like this."  Larry gets some more trays out of the container when the captain’s voice comes on the loudspeaker again.  "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Hogan again.  I think the turbulence is finally behind us.  Flight attendants may now begin serving dinner."  Larry and Balki share a look.

We see the plane parked at a gate at the Honolulu Airport.  "Girls, I’m glad you’re feeling better," Balki’s voice is heard over the shot.  Inside the galley, Mary Anne and Jennifer are back on their feet.  "You know, Jennifer, after trying to do your job I have a whole new respect for you," Larry admits, then thinks about what he’s said and adds, "Not that I didn’t respect you before!"  Jennifer nods, saying, "Oh no, I understand."  "Oh look," Mary Anne says, looking into the cabin, "someone left their jacket."  She goes to get it.  "Jennifer, uh," Balki begins, "although you feel fine now I got to warn you that there is one nasty little side effect.  For about a week you’re going to have a very bad reaction to plaid."  Jennifer laughs, saying, "A bad reaction to plaid?  Oh, Balki!"  She continues to laugh as Mary Anne walks in with the jacket, which is a loud plaid pattern.  Mary Anne holds it up, saying, "Well, I guess I’ll just turn this in to lost and . . . "  She stops, as her and Jennifer see the plaid.  They both make a mad dash to the bathroom, leaving Balki holding the jacket as the episode ends.

Script Variations:
There are a few differences between the shooting script dated January 23, 1989 and the final episode:
- The living room in the opening scene is described as having clothes all over the couch as Larry packs the one suitcase.  The way it was filmed, he is finishing his packing with the last suitcase.  Balki's bag is described as just a bag.  The I'm So Excited reference is not in this version.  Balki enters and says, "Cousin, I can't believe I'm finally going to get to ride on an airplane and spend a week in the big banana.  Life is too good."  After Larry asks Balki if that's all he's taking, Balki says, "I'm planning to wear an extra set of underwear."
- When the girls come in, Larry asks, "You two all ready to New York?  I'm dying to see 'Cats.'"  Balki says, "Cousin, we're going to New York just to see cats?  You can do that by hanging around behind the Chinese restaurant."  "It's a play," Larry explains.  After Larry says he understands about careers he also says, "You have to take advantage of an opportunity like this."  After Balki says the Big Apple will be rotten to the core, he calls Mary Anne "my little golden delicious."  After the girls leave and Larry starts to panic, Balki says, "Cousin, try a little bio-feedback."
- On the plane, Balki's bag is described as a small shoulder bag.  After Larry tells Balki that the other passengers don't want to be disturbed, Balki says, "I wasn't disturbing them, I was just trying to be a friendly fellow traveler."  "Balki, try to be a friendly fellow traveler without talking to anyone.  Now, buckle up."  Balki starts to adjust his belt buckle, saying, "I checked it before we left home."
- Balki has the chalkidikis in a paper bag, not in the little tin as seen in the show.  The scene where Jennifer comes out to tell Larry and Balki she's sick starts differently.  Larry is alone in the row when Balki excitedly enters and sits down.  "Cousin, you have to go to the bathroom!" Balki says.  "No, I don't, Balki," Larry assures him.  "Yes, you do," Balki insists.  "Balki, trust me," Larry says, "When I have to go, I'll be the first to know."  "You have to go look at the bathroom," Balki clarifies.  "Oh," Larry understands.  "It's got a tiny, little sink with tiny, little faucets and tiny, little soaps.  Cousin, it was practically built for you."  (If this scene were filmed and cut from the show, how did Balki get into the middle seat before Jennifer comes out?)
- In the script when Jennifer comes out they describe it as "She looks sick, yet lovely."
- When Balki says he's going to go explain to the passengers about Jennifer and Mary Anne, Larry says, "Are you crazy?  You can't do that."
- After the irate passenger asks for a White Russian and Balki says he's an olive skinned Myposian, Balki adds, "The White Russians are descendants from nomadic tribes of the Ural Mountains . . . "  After the turbulence announcement, Balki asks "Cousin, what's turbulence?"  The description is then 'The plane hits a bump.  The guys are thrown against the wall of the galley and the food goes flying.'  "Any other questions?" Larry asks.  "No.  Thank you, Cousin," Balki answers.
- Before Larry starts pouring the coffee, Balki is serving food and drops a baked potato into a woman's lap.  "Oh.  I'm sorry.  I'll get that for you," Balki offers, and searches for the potato, finding it and giving it to the woman.
- When Larry is heading back to the galley, he stops at the back row seat where Jennifer is, stopping to take a blanket out of the overhead compartment for her.  "Jennifer, how are you feeling?" Larry asks.  Jennifer is delirious, and says, "Hi, Grandma.  Thanks for the sweater."  Larry looks at her a beat, then says, "Don't mention it."
- The bride complains to the groom, "You promised me to let me have your brownie, dear."
- When Larry is explaining about why they are helping the girls, he says, "Is it too much to ask for everyone to help out a little?  You don't have to do anything, just sit down, be patient, and we'll get to you."  When they go back to the galley, Balki says, "Thanks, Cousin.  For a minute there I thought our goose was grass."
- In the final scene after Balki says he's glad the girls are feeling better, Jennifer says, "Me too.  I don't remember much about it, but I thought I saw my grandmother."  Later Mary Anne says, "Thanks for taking over, guys.  I've never seen passengers so happy."  "Whatever you did, it must have been great," Jennifer agrees.  "It was nothing," Larry assures them, "I'm glad we could help out."

Back to:
EPISODE GUIDE

EPISODE LIST

EPISODE SYNOPSES

Back to the homepage!