Nielsen Rating: 13.7 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 58 - College Bound (aka Wrap Around)
First Air Date: December 9, 1988
Nielsen Rating: 13.7 HH
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: William Bickley & Michael
Warren & Paula A. Roth
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Belita Moreno: Miss Lydia Markham
Guest Cast:
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
Dimitri Appearances:
Dimitri can be seen
on the bookcase wearing a black graduation cap and gown.
Balki-isms:
"Before you sing ‘For He’s a
Jolly Good Felon’ . . . "
Don’t be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Oh, right."
Other running jokes used in this episode:
Harriette and Lydia argue with one another
Mary Anne says something incredibly
complex in an odd context
The Dance of Joy
Notable Moment: Balki passes his college entrance examinations
Songs: "For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow" - everyone starts to sing this to Balki after learning he has passed his exams
Interesting facts:
- According to the shooting script, the episode is
titled "College Bound" but was also known as "Wrap Around."
- This is the only flashback episode of
the series. It was done in part because of the ear infection Bronson developed
during the filming of the previous episode. Because he could not get back to Los
Angeles from New York for the show’s filming they did this flashback episode
and shot Bronson’s final scene at a later time.
- When Bronson enters at the end of the
episode he is wearing a sweatshirt with the phrase "Be a Winner. Dial
College" on the front. The logo below the saying is that of the actual City Colleges
of Chicago.
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- There is a basic
concept flaw in this episode in the fact that Jennifer and Lydia are both
telling stories from accounts told to them by Balki. But would Balki tells
the stories in a way that would really make Larry look bad? Or were they
able to deduce Larry's foolishness even from Balki's positive accounts?
Synopsis:
The episode begins in Balki and Larry’s
apartment, which is decorated with banners and balloons. A banner that reads
"Congratulations Balki" is under the kitchen counter. Jennifer and
Mary Anne are arranging hors d’ouvres on trays on the counter. Harriette is at
the dining table pouring soda into a punch bowl. Lydia approaches from the
kitchen with a container of ice cream and is about to scoop some into the bowl
as well. "What are you doing?" Harriette asks quickly. "I’m
gonna put ice cream in the punch," Lydia explains. "You don’t put it
in now!" Harriette scolds, "It’s gonna melt before Balki gets
here." "Well, you’re putting the soda in," Lydia points out.
"Soda doesn’t melt," Harriette explains, "Don’t you know
anything about making punch?" "Oh, I can make a punch!" Lydia
threatens, curling her fist at Harriette, who stands in defiance.
Larry is standing by the fireplace,
looking worried. He crosses the room to the girls. "Maybe I
should have gone down to the 
school
with Balki," he sighs, "He was so nervous." "Larry,
you can’t take his entrance exam for him," Jennifer explains, carrying a
tray of snacks to the coffee table, "It’s just one of those things he has
to do on his own." "But getting into
college is so important to Balki," Larry continues. He sees the girls have
sat down on the couch and so he sits as well. "Gosh, Balki going to
college," Mary Anne thinks aloud, "It seems like he just graduated
from high school." "He did just graduate from high school,"
Jennifer reminds Mary Anne. "Oh, right," Mary Anne says as everyone
looks at her. "You know," she continues, "I don’t know what the
big deal is about college. I went to college and other than learning how complex
hydro carbons are broken down to make glyceride I didn’t get a thing out of
it." "Balki going to college," Larry
sighs thoughtfully, "I can’t believe he’s come so far so fast. If you
had seen him when he first walked through my door you wouldn’t have thought he
was college material." The picture gets wavy as we melt into a flashback:
First Flashback from Knock Knock . . . Who’s There?
Larry opens the front door to find
Balki, who looks somewhat out of place standing there. Balki refers to a slip of
paper and asks "Am I looking up Larry Appleton?" "Larry Appleton,
that's me," Larry smiles. Balki is overjoyed, launching through the
door and hugging Larry in glee, crying "Larry, Larry, Larry! I look
everywhere for you! I walk the streets, I search the alleys, I say to everyone,
'Have you seen Larry?' You don't know how many people have never heard of you!
But now I find you and I'm safe, I'm safe, I'm safe!" He hugs a surprised
Larry again. "Yes, yes," Larry agrees, "Now you're safe!
Who are
you?" "I am Balki Bartokomous! Philo, my fifth cousin three times
removed is the step-uncle to your father on my mother’s side, two continents
removed." "I see, so we’re sort of related by rumor," Larry
quips, still stunned Balki looks around Larry's apartment, hardly able to
contain his joy. "America!" he sighs, "Land of my dreams, home of
the Whopper."
The scene dissolves back to the present
day where Harriette and Lydia have joined the others. "You mean that’s
why you two got to be roommates," Harriette comments, "Balki just
showed up on your doorstep one day?" "Yep," Larry confirms,
"He was a real babe in the woods. Yeah, if I hadn’t taken him under my
wing there’s no telling what would have happened to him. He had no experience
with women. I had to teach him everything." "You know, Balki told me
about the time you took him to that single’s bar," Jennifer says to
Larry. "He did?" Larry asks with surprise. Jennifer nods. "Uh,
the way Balki tells it you were both babes in the woods." Jennifer leans
over to share the story as the scene dissolves again, saying, "See, Larry
took Balki to a single’s bar to meet women . . . . "
Second Flashback from First Date
Balki and Larry enter the single’s bar
and Balki immediately starts moving to the music. "So, this is one of your
American mating 
places," Balki notes.
"Meeting, a meeting place,"
Larry corrects him quickly, "People meet each other here. They mate
somewhere else." Larry then says, "Go slow, take it easy. Be
cool." They head for the bar as Balki assures Larry, "I know how to be
cool!" Balki walks with a loose gait as he veers away from Larry and
approaches two women at a table, remarking to one of them, "Hey Mamo, you
be gettin' down wid you bad self!" Larry rushes over and grabs Balki,
pulling him over to the bar quickly where they sit down. "All right, let's get this over with
so I can go home," Larry sighs, "Now the first thing is what we call
eye contact." "Eye contact," Balki repeats, "Like the Three
Stooges?" Balki motions a classic Stooges eye poke bit at an non-amused
Larry. "All right, I'm gone, I'm outta here," Larry states, turning to
leave. "No no, Cousin, Cousin!" Balki stops him, pulling him back.
"Okay, okay," Larry agrees, sitting back down, "Look, for
safety's sake we had better define eye contact. You look . . . you look .
. 
. into a woman's eyes from across the room, and if she looks back, you know,
you kind of hold the look . . . that's eye contact." "Like that woman
is looking at you?" Balki asks, spotting a woman on the other side of the
bar. "What woman?" Larry asks. Balki raises his left hand to point
across the bar and Larry grabs it, pushing it down. Balki then points with his
right hand and Larry grabs that and pushes it down as well. "Don't
point!" Larry insists. Balki then points her out with his nose.
Larry ventures a look and sees the woman
is indeed looking and smiling at him. Larry looks embarrassed then continues,
"After you've made eye contact you work your way over to the woman and you
use your opening line. Something like, uh . . . do you come here often? . . .
can I buy you a drink? . . . didn't we meet in the Oval office? Things like
that." "Can I try it?" Balki asks excitedly. "Oh . . . oh .
. . okay," Larry agrees nervously.
Balki prepares himself them starts
scanning the room with his eyes. He makes eye contact with a shy-looking blonde
at the end 
of the bar.
She smiles back at him. "I have made eye
contact," Balki informs Larry. "Oh boy!" Larry says, still
worried. "Can I try my opening line?" Balki asks. "All right, go
ahead," Larry says, "Just, uh . . . don't tell her you know me."
Balki walks around to the woman, leaning over her shoulder to say, "Hello.
Do you come here often?" The woman sighs, "No." "Would you
smother me with your beautiful American body?" Balki asks, slumping down
slowly as if to drop to his knees. Larry leaps from his barstool and runs to
Balki, grabbing him to hold him up. "Excuse us!" Larry offers, pushing
Balki back to his barstool, then turning on Balki to say, "You were one
step away from throwing yourself at that woman's feet, weren't you?" "Old habits die hard," Balki admits, "Why don't you show me,
Cousin Larry, you're the expert!" "Look . . . look, I . . . I just
don't like these places," Larry stammers, "and besides, I'm . . . I'm
more of a kind of a uh, talking expert than a, uh . . . uh . . . I really don't
want to meet anyone!"
Balki looks across the bar and notes,
"That woman is still looking at you." "She is?" Larry asks,
looking away. Balki follows her 
eyes and confirms, "Yes, she is."
Larry slowly looks up at her and sees she is smiling at him. "Oh my God,
she is!" Larry says, looking down again. "Go ahead and get her, you
love devil!" Balki encourages. Larry looks at her hopefully, then says,
"All right. This is a little faster than I usually like to operate.
I'm
only doing this for you!" Balki nods his thank you and Larry gets off his
stool and casually starts to make his way around the bar. As he suavely makes
his way to the other end of the bar we can see that the woman Balki had talked
to has walked down to his end of the bar and is seated in Larry's place, talking
to Balki. Larry sidles into the barstool next to the woman who has been eyeing
him and begins, "So . . . . " He is immediately grabbed by the throat
by a huge man who was sitting at a nearby table. "Hey, pal . . . that's my
girlfriend!" he says, dragging Larry out of the bar. Larry tries to call to
Balki for help but can't yell out with his throat constricted. Balki is too busy
talking to the blonde to see Larry being pulled out the front door.
Dissolving back to the present day
everyone is laughing at Jennifer’s story, especially Harriette. "Boy, I
wish I could’ve seen 
that!
I’m a sucker for a cheap laugh!" Harriette
howls. "You know, I don’t mean to split hairs here but that is not at all
the way I remember it," Larry insists. Lydia walks over from the fireplace
to sit on the arm of Harriette’s chair as she asks, "Well, did the guy
beat you up or not?" Larry hesitates, stammering, "W . . . well . . .
beat up is such a strong term." "Sounds like he got his butt
kicked!" Harriette laughs and everyone joins in. "Look, there have
been countless times that Balki has needed me and I have been there for
him," Larry defends himself, saying, "For instance the time he invited
his friend Gina to stay with us while her husband was out of town." "Gina, isn’t she the one who had her baby while she was staying with
you?" Jennifer asks. "Yes! In the middle of the night!" Larry
confirms, "And if I had not been there with one of my foolproof plans . . .
well, there is no telling what would have happened." "That’s
interesting," Lydia says, "the way I heard it your plans sort of fell
apart." "Well . . . " Larry begins. "Larry had rehearsed
everything using a stopwatch," Lydia continues as the scene dissolves once
again, "so he . . . . "
Third Flashback from Hello, Baby
Pregnant Gina waddles to the sofabed where
Balki and Larry are both asleep. "Balki, it’s time," Gina says
gently, shaking Balki awake. Balki looks up, asking, "Gina? It’s
time?" "Yes!" Gina answers. "Ah Gina, how exciting!"
Balki says, getting up, "A little baby!" Larry stirs slowly, barely
opening his eyes. Dimitri is in his arms. "Mmm? Why is the light on?"
"The baby’s coming, Larry," Gina answers. "What baby?"
Larry mumbles, "Who are you? Why am I holding a sheep?" "He doesn’t
wake up well," Balki tells Gina, then he leans down toward Larry,
"Cousin, it’s Gina. Remember the plan?" Larry awakes in an instant
now. "The plan? Yes, of course I remember the plan. It’s my plan!"
Larry assures them, "All right. No need to worry. First babies take a long
time." "Oh well, Larry, I’ve been in labor a long time," Gina
informs him. "Why didn’t you tell us?" Larry asks. "Well, I
didn’t want to bother you, you were up so late," Gina explains.
Larry leaps up out of bed.
"All
right! Don’t panic!" He clicks the stopwatch in his hand and shouts,
"Go!" He turns and runs 
straight into the end table, knocking all the
books to the floor and almost upsetting the lamp, which he hangs onto and
fumbles with. Balki walks to the phone and asks, "Are you all right?"
as Larry reaches him. "Yes, yes I’m okay," Larry insists, "What
are you doing?" "Calling the hospital," Balki explains, dialing
and waiting for an answer. "Calling the hospital is my job, you get the
suitcase!" Larry insists, snatching the receiver away from Balki and
dialing madly. "But . . . I called the hospital last time," Balki
reminds him. "Look, I gave you a chance to prove you were a good
communicator and what did you say? ‘Hello, hospital. Baby is coming!’
Cavemen are more articulate!" Larry motions for Balki to go to the closet
to get the suitcase. "Could you please hurry?" Gina
begs, then she bends over and cries out in pain. Startled by this, Larry says
into the receiver, "Hello, hospital? The baby is coming!" Larry hangs
up and stands, looking confused.
"Brilliant!" Balki offers.
"I
forgot to tell them who I was!" Larry realizes, picking up the receiver
again. "Oh, Larry Larry there’s no 
time," Gina insists, "We get
to the hospital, they probably figure out why I’m there." She opens the
door and walks out into the hall. "Good thinking," Larry agrees as
Balki throws their coats to him and he in turn throws them out the door into
Gina’s arms, "Okay, all right . . . no need to panic . . . everything is
under control." Balki picks up the suitcase and heads out after Gina as
Larry takes the map that’s taped up to the door and says, "All right, I
get the map and we are gone . . . " He steps into the doorway and stops the
stopwatch, eyeing the time before crying triumphantly, "Yes!" Larry
throws the stopwatch onto the nearby table and hurries out the door, closing it
behind him. A moment later the door bursts open again
and Larry dashes in frantically, followed by a very calm Balki who walks to the
closet. "My keys! My keys! Where are my keys?" Larry cries.
"They’re
in your pants," Balki answers calmly. "Where are my pants?
Where are
my pants?" Larry cries. "They’re in the closet," Balki answers.
"Where’s the closet? Where’s the closet?" Larry yells, running
around the apartment, "Okay, look look . . . we can’t get to the hospital
without my keys!" "Cousin . . . " Balki tries to calm Larry.
"Don’t ‘Cousin’ me now!" Larry snaps as he starts throwing
things around in a mad search for his keys, crying, "Look, look . . . I 
don’t
have my keys, I don’t have my pants, I can’t do this! She will just have to
have the baby at some other time!" He wheels on Balki, screaming, "Why
don’t you help me?" Balki holds up Larry’s car keys, making Larry look
angry. "Oh! Oh, I see!" Larry pants, "You’re trying to make me
look bad in front of Gina." He motions behind him to no one and realizes
it. "Where is Gina? Where is the mother? We can’t do this without the
mother!" Larry stands panting and gasping in front of Balki, who says,
"Cousin . . . some day you forgive me for this." Balki slaps Larry
across the face and Larry looks stunned. Balki looks shocked as well, then
tentatively asks, "Feel better?" "No!" Larry answers
honestly. "Can we go have a baby now?" Balki asks. "Okay,"
Larry nods, "I’ll follow you." Balki walks past him to the door and
Larry asks, "Where are you going?" "To the hospital," Balki
explains. "Right! Yes!" Larry agrees, stepping out the door and
saying, "Gina! There you are! Thank God!" Balki closes the door behind
them and the scene fades to black.
Act two begins at the apartment with
everyone still reminiscing. Larry looks uncomfortable as everyone laughs at his
expense. 
"You know, I’m a little worried about Balki," Jennifer
says, "Shouldn’t he be finished with his exam by now?" "What if
he sat down to take the test and froze up?" Lydia speculates, "What if
his mind went blank and he couldn’t remember a thing? What if he got dizzy and
the room started spinning and he started hy . . . hyperventilating . . . .
" Lydia is carried away by her description. "You mean like what
happens to you when you sit down to write your advice column?" Harriette
asks. Lydia stands up angrily. "All right . . . all right . . . I’m just
not gonna talk any more. That way no one can make fun of me." Lydia walks
to the chair opposite Harriette and sits down in a huff. "Ladies, ladies," Larry pleads,
"We’re all a little edgy because we’re worried about Balki. Maybe I
should have gone down there with him. He always needs me to get through these
pressure situations. If I wasn’t there to help him he wouldn’t have gotten
through his first day of work." "Wait a minute," Harriette stops
Larry, "I was there. And I wouldn’t call what you did help. Now Gorpley
was looking for a reason to fire Balki, and Larry was trying to write his first
article for the newspaper, when all of a sudden . . . . " The scene
dissolves again.
Fourth Flashback from All the News That Fits
Mr. Gorpley exits his office and calls
Balki over, asking "You finished?" "Yes yes yes, I
finished," Balki confirms. "This is all of ‘em?" Gorpley asks
incredulously. "Yes, I’m sorry it take so long but I thought that I would
alphabeticalize them," Balki explains. "Is that okay?" "You
think you’re pretty smart, don’t you?" Gorpley asks. "Well, I’m
no Sam Donaldson, but . . . " Balki shrugs humbly. "We’ll see how
smart you are," Gorpley smirks, holding up a paper. "I need one
hundred copies of this flyer. You’ve got ten minutes." "Oh but guess
what," Balki says, "The copy machine is broke." "Hey, relax!
I’m looking out for ya!" Gorpley says smoothly, "You can use the
mimeograph machine. See, I even got your stencil all ready to go. Ten minutes,
Bartokomous . . . and if you can’t do the job, I know someone who can!"
He gives Balki a phony smile as he walks up the stairs.
Larry, who’s working on his
article, asks, "Balki, you need help with the mimeograph machine?"
"Oh, no no, Cousin," Balki assures him. "Good," Larry sighs,
continuing his work. "Just . . . point it out to me," Balki admits.
Larry gets the machine from 
behind the stairs, saying, "Back here . . .
look here. Just wheel it out to your table and I’ll plug it in."
Balki
wheels the machine toward his table as Larry takes the cord and moves the
opposite direction to plug it in, but the cord is too short and Larry ends up
getting pulled down to the ground when Balki wheels the machine too far and too
fast. Balki wheels the huge machine back to where Larry can plug it in and Larry
tells Balki, "All right, get the stencil." Balki brings the stencil
and Larry says, "Okay, get the paper." Balki gets some paper and
hurries back. "Okay," Larry says, having placed the stencil in the
machine, "Stencil’s on . . . paper goes in here . . . and you turn it on
here. Get it?" Larry asks. "Got it!" Balki answers.
"Good," Larry finishes and goes back to his desk. Larry starts typing
on his article as Balki turns on the mimeograph machine and the copies start
flying out loosely onto the floor as Balki tries to catch them. After a moment
the papers stop coming out and Balki is flustered, not understanding why it’s
stopped working. "How’s it goin’, Balki?" Larry asks without
looking. "Oh, it’s going fine!" Balki lies, "Just dandy.
You
just finish your article."
Finally Balki stops the machine and Larry
looks around, seeing Balki is having trouble. "Balki!" Larry says in
shock, getting up to help. "No no no! No problem! No problem, Cousin!"
Balki insists. Mr. Burns appears at the top of the stairs, calling out
"Applebee!" "Uh, yes sir!" Larry answers, moving back toward
his desk. "I need that article in five minutes!" Mr. Burns 
announces.
"Yes, that’s Appleton, sir! Appleton!" Larry calls, torn between
sitting at his desk and going back to help Balki. "All right," Larry
finally decides and walks over to Balki to help. "Cousin, no, you have to
do your article!" Balki pushes Larry back to his desk, saying he has to do
his article. "Balki, look, I can do this in just a minute," Larry
pushes Balki back over to the mimeograph. "But you only have five
minutes!" Balki pushes Larry back to his desk again. Larry ends up pushing
Balki aside and goes to the machine. "All right, look, here’s the
problem," Larry explains, "You got all these papers jammed under the
drum here." The machine starts running again but the papers are still
flying out onto the floor. "Get the basket!" Larry tells Balki.
"The basket?" Balki asks. "The paper basket!" Larry
explains. "The paper basket," Balki repeats, hurrying off to get it.
Larry makes some adjustments to the mimeograph and turns it on again, not
realizing that his tie is now in the drum. When he turns the machine on it pulls
his tie in, pulling Larry down toward the machine and trapping him.
Balki runs back and eyes the situation in
shock. "Cousin! It’s alive! And it’s hungry!" he cries.
"Turn
it off! Turn it off!" Larry yells, but Balki can’t get the machine to
shut off. Balki grabs Larry by the neck and tries pulling him out of the
machine, then when that doesn’t work he grabs Larry’s head and then his ears
and keeps pulling. Larry cries "The plug!" repeatedly to Balki,
finally grabbing Balki by the hair and insisting, "The plug!" Balki
cries ow and when Larry releases him runs over and pulls the 
machine’s plug
out of the wall, shouting, "I did it!" The machine releases its grip
but still has the end of Larry’s tie in the drum. The elevator door opens and
Mr. Burns steps out, calling "Appleton! Where is the story?"
Unable to
move away from the machine, Larry explains, "Mr. Burns, something came up
and I still have a bit of polishing to do." In an attempt to help, Balki
grabs a pair of scissors and without a word cuts Larry’s tie in half, freeing
him. "This is news, not silverware!" Mr. Burns cries, "I need a
story!" Balki runs to Larry desk and picks up one of the wrinkled paper
lying there and hands it to Mr. Burns. "Mr. Burns, it was my fault,"
Balki says, "I accidentally threw his article away but I just found
it." "Well, actually, that’s not the final final version, if I could
just have a . . . . " Mr. Burns reads it and stops Larry, saying "It’s
pretty good." "Well, Mr. Burns, if I could only . . . pretty
good?" Larry asks happily. "I’d say for your first assignment it’s
pretty good," Mr. Burns smiles, then says, "See you on Monday,
Appleton! Then maybe you can explain to me why you were trying to mimeograph
your tie!"
The scene dissolves back to the living
room and everyone except Larry is laughing at this latest story. "Okay,
okay. All right," 
Larry says, "That particular time Balki was more
help to me than I was to him. But that was an exception. More often than not he
wouldn’t know what to do unless I led him by the hand. Come on! You guys know
that! I mean, why do I feel like I’m defending myself? Think of all the times
that if I wasn’t there he wouldn’t know what to do." Everyone thinks
hard but they all remain silent. "Jennifer, you can think of
something!" Larry urges. "Oh, of course I can," she agrees, and
she thinks but also doesn’t come up with anything. "Harriette?"
Larry asks desperately. "I got nothin’, baby," Harriette assures
him. "Lydia?" Larry asks. "I’m not saying anything," Lydia
says, "I don’t want to open myself to insults." "I’ve got
one!" Mary Anne announces. "There! You see?" Larry says happily.
"I remember the time you taught Balki all about plumbing!" Mary Anne
says. Larry looks worried as Mary Anne begins the story. "You see, Jennifer
and I were out of town and Larry offered to fix our shower . . . and so he and
Balki went up there while we were gone . . . . " The scene dissolves into
flashback once more.
Fifth Flashback from Pipe Dreams
We see Balki and Larry sitting on the edge
of the tub in the girls’ now-demolished bathroom. "Boy Cousin . . . this
place looks like 
the Ty-D-Bol Man went berserk."
"You want to make an
omelette, you have to break some eggs," Larry comments, "A few cans of
spackle and you’ll never know we’ve been here." Balki eyes the walls
again and then gazes at Larry in wonder, remarking, "Boy, this spackle must
be amazing stuff!" "Yes, it is," Larry answers. "Well, what
do you say we button this job up?" Larry asks as he stands up,
"Jennifer and Mary Anne will be back tonight!" As they stand, Balki
finds a very long pipe with a valve on it lying on the floor. "Cousin . . .
where does this go?" Balki and Larry both look at the shower and tub then
turn back to the pipe. "Trash," Larry finally answers. Balki tosses
the pipe aside with a loud clank. "Well, I think we’re ready to test
this baby," Larry announces, and they turn to the shower, which Larry turns
on. There is the growing sound of water building up in the pipe and then the
shower head flies off the pipe riding on a spray of water and flies across the
bathroom to crash into the mirror above the sink, shattering it and sending
water shooting all over the mirror and sink.
Larry and Balki share a look, then
Larry tries to turn off the water but both of the faucets come off in his hands.
"It’s broken!" Larry cries. "Nooooo!" Balki says
sarcastically. Larry tosses the faucets aside and he and Balki jump into the tub
and try to hold the water coming out of the pipe back with their hands. Suddenly
the faucets burst off the sink and water spurts out of the two 
openings.
"Well, do something!" Larry cries to Balki. Balki runs over to the
sink and sticks his fingers into the holes to stop the water. Water then bursts
out of the toilet in a geyser. "Don’t look at me!" Balki
cries. "Find the turnoff valve!" Larry cries. "I think it’s
underneath the sink!" Balki calls. "Then turn it off!" Larry
yells, "Turn it off!" Balki is trying to pull his fingers out of the
faucet holes but they’re stuck. "Cousin, I can’t, my fingers are
stuck!" Balki cries, "Go on without me, Cousin, save yourself!"
Larry releases the shower pipe, which then squirts Balki on the back as Larry
hurries over to help him pull his fingers out of the faucet holes. Having done
this, Larry sits Balki down on the toilet, which is still spraying water (much
to Balki’s apparent pleasure). Larry then moves Balki to sit on the edge of
the tub as he opens the doors of the cabinet beneath the sink and they are
soaked with the cascade of water which comes out. Larry reaches underneath and
finally manages to turn off the water. The cousins sit in the flooded bathroom,
exhausted and shocked, debris floating everywhere. "Well . . . . "
Larry finally sighs.
The scene dissolves back to the living
room where Mary Anne looks guilty. "Maybe that wasn’t a good
example," she admits. "I guess I’m wrong," Larry sighs, "I
haven’t been helping Balki. I’ve been holding him back." Larry’s eyes
widen. "Oh my God! I helped him study for his entrance exam!
He probably
went down there and failed all because of me. I should get out of his
life." The door suddenly bursts open and Balki runs in, wearing a yellow
cap and blue sweatshirt. He cries, "Look at me! I’m a college man!"
before throwing the cap into the air. Everyone gets up and runs to the door to
greet him. Larry prompts everyone to start singing "For He’s a Jolly Good
Fellow" but Balki stops them before they really get started. "Wait
wait wait!" Balki urges, "Before you sing ‘For He’s a Jolly Good
Felon’ there’s something I want to say. Like so many other things that have
happened to me since I come to this country, I couldn’t have done this without
my Cousin Larry."
"Really?" Larry asks happily.
"Well, yes!" Balki assures him. "Did you hear that?" Larry
asks, "He couldn’t have done it without me. What was it? The coaching I
gave you on the language section?" "Well . . . " "Or the
work I did with you on the math drills?" "Well . . . "
"Or
the mnemonic coding I gave you to remember the history dates?" "Well,
those were all great," Balki admits, "but I was referring to the fact
that you loaned me your pencil." Balki holds up a pencil. Larry looks
stunned until Balki says, "Oh come on, Cousin! I’m just kidding.
That’s
college humor." Balki hands his books to Harriette and grabs Larry’s
arms. "Cousin, what do you say? Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of
Joy!" They launch into the Dance of Joy, finishing with Larry in Balki’s
arms and everyone applauding them.
Script Variations:
There are a few
differences between the shooting script dated November 18, 1988 and the final
version:
- After
Mary Anne says it seems that Balki just graduated from high school, Jennifer
says, "He did just graduate from high school. That's what you
do. You graduate from high school then you go to college." Mary
Anne then says "Oh, right" and makes her comment about learning how
complex hydro carbons are broken down to make glycerides, to which Jennifer
explains to Larry, "She was part of a chemistry experiment in
college."
- Instead
of saying, "I'm a sucker for a cheap laugh," Harriette's line after
the single's bar story was "Talk about the blind leading the blind."
- After
Lydia refuses to talk because she doesn't want to "open myself to
insults," Harriette quips, "Honey, you're a revolving door to
insults."
- When
Balki runs in the front door he says, "Look at me. I'm a college
man. Boola boola boola . . . Whatever that means." After
Balki says that he couldn't have done it without his Cousin Larry, Larry asks
"Really?" Balki answers, "Yes" and Larry simply says
to the others "See?" before they do the Dance of Joy.
- There
was an alternative scene included with the script on the chance that Bronson
would not be able to make it back at all that week for the filming. After
Larry worries he may have hurt Balki's chances to pass the exam the phone
rings. Larry answers it, saying, "Balki, where are you?"
To the others he explains, "It's Balki." "We know
that," Harriette says, "How did he do on his entrance
exam?" Larry asks into the phone, "How did you do on your
entrance exam?" To everyone Larry says, "He says, 'yip yip sik
likki.'" Realizing he doesn't know what that means, Larry says,
"In English, Balki. In English." He listens, then reports,
"He passed." Everyone cheers. Larry then says into the
phone, "What? Oh thank you. That's very nice."
"What did he say?" Jennifer asks. Vindicated, Larry announces,
"He said he couldn't have done it without me." Into the phone he
says, "What? Yes, Balki, now we are so happy we do the dance of joy .
. . But we can't because we're on the phone." Larry is
embarrassed as he says, "Well, I guess if it means that much to
you." Larry proceeds to do his half of the Dance of Joy on the
phone. (If this scene had been used instead of the other one it would have
marked the only time Mark said the line "Now we are so happy we do the
Dance of Joy.")
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