Nielsen Rating: 13.3 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 55 - High Society
First Air Date: November 11, 1988
Nielsen Rating: 13.3 HH
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Paula A. Roth
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Belita Moreno: Ms. Lydia Markham
Guest Cast:
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
Carol Bruce: Mrs. Endicott
Robert Cornthwaite: Bobo Sr.
Norman Bartold: Mr. Endicott
Frank Birney: Guest
Roger Scott: Young Snob
Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri can be seen
on the right side of the bookcase shelf wearing a tiara and a little cloak-like
robe.
Balki-isms:
"They put their pantyhose on one leg
at a time."
Don’t be ridiculous: Said once in this episode.
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Wrong!"
"What are we talking about?"
"Oh, go on with you!"
"Hi!" in stereo
"That’s better!"
"Well, we gotta talk about
that."
"Wwowww!!"
Other running jokes used in this episode:
- Larry asks Balki how many times he’s
done something, leading into the routine of "How many? How many?"
until Balki admits never and Larry says, "None, as in zero, as in never . .
. " to which Balki adds "That is correct."
- When
Balki gets confused at some concept Larry is trying to teach him he starts to
complain, saying, "Last thing I know I was . . . " and explains what
he had been doing
- Balki gives someone a playful shove that is too
rough
- Balki laughs at his own joke
Notable Moment: Larry suggests The Chronicle create an investigative reporting team.
Songs: "Get Happy" - sung by Balki while coming down the stairs and then by Balki and Larry together when Larry learns they are going to the Endicott’s party.
Interesting facts:
- The title of this episode, High Society,
was also the name of the 1956 classic film starring Bing Crosby, Grace Kelly and
Frank Sinatra.
- This is the first time the idea of an
investigative reporting team was brought up for the Chronicle, and it’s ironic
that Larry was the one to suggest the idea because he would end up doing
research for the reporting team of Marshall and Walpole without receiving any
credit for it and that would soon be the subject of many frustrating moments for
Larry.
-
The cry of recognition from fans in the
audience when Bronson says the word "bibbibabkas" proves just how
popular the episode Just Desserts had been the season before.
- Carol Bruce makes her second notable
appearance on the series as Mrs. "Muffy" Endicott. She had previously played the
wonderfully snobbish gallery owner Margaret Milgram in the season two episode Tux
forTwo. We’re very sad to report that Carol Bruce passed away on October
7, 2007 in Woodland Hills, California, at the age of 87.
- Strangely enough, Robert Cornthwaite,
who played Bobo Sr. with such a wonderful comedic sense in this episode, passed
away in July 2006, also at the age of 87 and also in Woodland Hills, California.
- Norman Bartold, who played Mr. Endicott,
had recurring roles on Laverne and Shirley (as Mr. Hildebrand the department
store 
owner in some of the later episodes),
Falcon Crest (as Judge Holder) and
Mr. Belvedere (as Skip Hollings). Mr. Bartold passed away in May 1994 at the age
of 65. An interesting note is that both he and actor Robert Cornthwaite appeared
on television episodes of Disneyland.
- Carol Bruce was not the only actor from
this episode who also appeared in the episode Tux for Two. Frank Birney,
who played a party guest in this episode, portrayed the wonderfully befuddled waiter in
that previous episode as well!
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- Balki knows what "little golf"
is in this episode but doesn’t know about any kind of golf in the fifth season
episode Hello, Ball.
- When Larry pulls the contents of the
table down the food falls around them but there is no plum. After the party
guests come in from the other room the plum is suddenly right next to Larry
where he can conveniently grab it and shove it into Balki’s mouth.
Synopsis:
The episode begins in the basement of the
Chicago Chronicle. Harriette is standing outside the elevator doing a crossword
puzzle and Larry is standing at his desk, talking on the phone. "Yes, I
know Mr. Endicott owns the paper, that’s why I’m calling him," Larry
says into the receiver, "Yeah what? Well, I’d rather not tell you what
floor I work on. Well, I . . . I’m afraid if I do tell you, you’ll hang up
on me. All right, all right . . . uh, I work in the basement and I just wanted .
. . . " There is a distinctive ‘click’ on the other end. "Hello?
Hello?" Larry hangs up the phone and Harriette walks up to him and
comments, "That’s amazing. You’re as dynamic on the phone as you are in
person."
"I can’t believe it!" Larry
says, "I have this great idea for an investigative reporting team and no
one will listen to me. If I could 
have five minutes with Mr. Endicott I know he
would love my idea. If I could just get past his secretary. Well, who am I
kidding? Mr. Endicott wouldn’t listen to me. His secretary won’t listen to
me. Nobody listens to me. What do you think I should do, Harriette?"
Harriette doesn’t answer, as she’s working on the crossword puzzle again.
"Harriette?" Larry asks again. "Oh sorry, baby, I wasn’t
listening," Harriette explains. Balki appears at the top of the stairs and
starts down, singing ‘Get Happy,’ snapping his fingers to the tune as he
descends. When he reaches the landing above Harriette and Larry he stops and
sings as he moves his hips. At the bottom of the stairs he breaks into a full
dance to the song, kicking out his legs and waving his arms, then finishes at
his work table by kicking up his heels several times.
Larry approaches Balki, saying, "Balki
. . . Balki . . . Balki! If you want me to get happy, stop singing. Now where
have you been?" 
"I’ve been delivering the invitations to Mr.
Endicott’s party," Balki explains. "Oh boy, would I love to go to
that party!" Larry sighs. "Well, Cousin, I’m glad to hear
that," Balki says as he takes a card out of his pocket and hands it to
Larry, "because I need a ride." "You got invited to the
party?" Larry asks with surprise, "You don’t even know the Endicotts."
"Well, Cousin, that’s not entirely true," Balki says, "Last
week while I was delivering the mail I meet Mrs. Endicott and we had a very nice
chat. Um . . . I told her I was an heir to the throne of Mypos and told a few
jokes and like that she invite me to the party." Larry’s eyes have opened
wide. "W . . . w . . . wait a minute. What did you tell her?"
"I
told her the one about the rabbi and the kangaroo," Balki explains,
"you know, he comes in with the . . . " "No, no, no, not the
joke," Larry says, "The part about being an heir to the throne of
Mypos. You never told me you were an heir to the throne!"
"I didn’t?" Balki asks. "No, you didn’t!" Larry assures him.
"Well, slap me
stupid!" Balki says. "Well, Balki, this is incredible!" 
Larry
smiles, "Well, what are you? First in line? Second? Third?"
"Nine hundred and eighty sixth," Balki answers. "Is everyone on
Mypos an heir to the throne?" Larry asks. "Well, of course not, don’t
be ridiculous!" Balki scoffs, "Only the men and a few of the older
women with moustaches." "I don’t suppose you got around to telling
Mrs. Endicott that there were nine hundred and eighty five heirs ahead of
you?" Larry asks. "Cousin, that’s common knowledge," Balki
replies. "Right," Larry agrees, then realizes what this means, saying,
"Right! So we can go to the Endicott’s for the weekend and I’ll finally
get a chance to tell Mr. Endicott my idea for the paper and that will kick my
career into high gear. Balki, life is good!" "Cousin, I told you I
could make you get happy!" Balki starts singing and dancing ‘Get Happy’
again and this time Larry joins in as they dance together.
Later at the apartment, Balki is cooking
in the kitchen, stirring the contents of a large pot while several other pots
are simmering on the stovetop. Larry enters a coat hanger with a plastic cover
over it. "Balki, I got a new sport coat . . . a new pair of pants,"
Larry announces proudly, "When I walk into that party people are going to
turn and say . . . " He stops, sniffing the air as the aroma of Balki’s
cooking reaches him, " . . . what’s that smell? Are you cooking pig
snout?" "You bet your bibbibabkas!" Balki confirms, scooping some
snout out of one of the pots and taking it over to Larry on the spoon,
"Cousin, I’ve got thirty gallons of pig snout ready to take to the
Endicott’s shindig." He holds the spoon up to Larry, who waves it away in
disgust. "And listen," Balki continues, "when it’s my turn to
pick the party game I’m going to suggest bobbing for snout." On Larry’s
skeptical look, Balki adds, "It happens to be a great icebreaker."
"I’m sure it is," Larry sighs,
following Balki to the kitchen, stopping at the counter as Balki stands on the
other side, "Uh, Balki . . . 
these people don’t bob for pig parts.
The
Endicotts are rich and the rich are not like you and me." "Oh come on,
Cousin," Balki says, "They’re just like everyone else. They put
their pantyhose on one leg at a time." "One leg at a time, you think
so?" Larry asks, walking into the kitchen as Balki moves to the stove to
stir his snout. "I know so!" Balki insists. "You do?" Larry
asks. "Yes, I do." "You do? Balki, tell me . . . how many rich
people do you know?" Balki hems and haws as Larry asks, "How many?
How
many? How many rich people? How many rich people do you know?"
"None," Balki admits. "None, as in zero, as in no rich people do
you know?" "That is correct," Balki confesses. "Well, it
just so happens that I . . . have envied rich people all my life. And I am very
familiar with their customs." Larry takes Balki’s arm to lead him to the
counter again and Balki quickly turns off the burner under his pig snout.
"When they invite you into their
homes you have to behave the way they expect you to behave," Larry
explains, "What the Endicotts expect to see is Prince Balki, so you have to
act like royalty." "Cousin, I don’t know how do that," Balki
says nervously. "Luckily, I do know how do that," Larry assures him.
"I knew you would," Balki notes as Larry takes him around the counter
and sets him down on a stool. "All right, now," Larry begins,
"First of all, royalty always refer to themselves in the first person
plural, never in the first person singular, always in the first person plural.
So, if someone asks you what you think of the party you would say . . . . "
"I think . . . " Balki answers. "Wrong!" Larry snaps.
"You think?" Balki tries. "No," Larry shakes his head.
"He, she or it thinks?" Balki asks in desperation. "We
think," Larry offers. "We do?" Balki asks. "That’s
right," Larry confirms. "What’s right?" Balki asks.
"We is
right," Larry answers. "I know we is, but what is we right
about?" Balki asks. "We is the correct word," Larry explains.
"We is?" Balki asks, not getting
it. "Now you’ve got it," Larry says. "I do?" Balki asks.
"We do!" Larry says, losing patience. "We 
do?
We do what?"
Balki cries in exasperation, "What are we talking about? I don’t know
what you’re talking about! Last thing I knew I was cookin’ up some
snout!" "Balki, Balki, Balki . . . shhh, shhh," Larry urges,
trying to get Balki to calm down, "Let me make this very simple for you.
Just use the word ‘we’ instead of the word ‘I.’" "Wait a
minute," Balki says, "You mean I simply substitute the plural personal
pronoun for the singular in all cases? Why you didn’t say so?"
After a
long pause, Larry finally says, "My mistake. Okay, let’s try it."
He
eases Balki off the stool and they step forward. Larry says, "You arrive at
the party and someone says to you, ‘Oh, welcome Prince Bartkomous, so good of
you to come.’ And you would say . . . ?" "We’re very happy to be
here and we would appreciate it if one of you good people would give us a hand
with our tub of snout!" Larry looks pained as the scene ends.
The next scene takes place at the Endicott’s
mansion. There is classical music playing as older and distinguished guests help
themselves to the food on a long buffet table. Other guests are milling about or
sitting and talking as waiters hand out flutes of champagne. Balki and Larry
enter, Larry dressed in a sharp suit and Balki dressed in a tunic-style belted
top with black pants and sandals. "Wow, Cousin," Balki says, taking in
the fancy surroundings, "King Ferdinand’s whole palace would fit in here
. . . and there would be plenty of room left over for his livestock."
Larry
looks around and spots Mr. and Mrs. Endicott, an older couple, entering the
room. "The Endicotts are coming," Larry says, moving to Balki’s
other side, "Remember . . . you’re royalty." The couple approach
them and Mrs. Endicott says, "Prince Bartokomous." She curtsies.
Mr.
Endicott bows and says, "Your Highness." Balki is tickled by this.
"Everyone?
Attention!" Mrs.
Endicott calls, clapping her hands quietly, "May I present his Highness
Balki Bartokomous, Crown Prince of Mypos." Everyone applauds nicely as
Balki takes this in, saying, "Oh! Oh, thank you!" "Your
Highness," Mr. Endicott begins, "Mrs. Endicott and I are honored by
your presence in our home." "Oh, and a lovely, lovely home it
is," Balki smiles, "We were just remarking that it would be perfect
for the King’s livestock." Mr. and Mrs. Endicott cover their reactions
as Mrs. Endicott manages to say, "You are too kind!" "Oh, go on
with you!" Balki says, giving her shoulder a playful (and too rough) shove.
Seeing their reaction to this, Larry offers, "You’ll have to excuse the
Prince. When he meets someone he likes he gives them the royal . . .
shove." Mrs. Endicott laughs at this, saying, "How delightful!
I hope
I don’t get the royal bruise." She pushes at him lightly and playfully,
and Balki shoves her again, even harder, saying, "You nut! She’s
crazy!"
"Your Highness, would you please
excuse us?" Mrs. Endicott asks, "I see that some guests have just
arrived." "Oh, oh yes, no problem, Mrs. Endicott," Balki assures
her. "Oh no, please! Please . . . call us Muffy . . . " she indicates
herself, " . . . and Bobo," indicating Mr. Endicott. She waves goodbye
at him with a wink and walks away. "Do make yourself at home," Mr.
Endicott offers. "Mr. Endicott, I was hoping . . . " Larry begins.
"Excuse me," Mr. Endicott says coldly and walks away. Balki takes
Larry over to the buffet table. "Cousin, look at this . . . everybody
brought food. I knew I should have brought the pig snout." "Well, it’s
too late for that now," Larry points out, then says, "Uh, Balki listen
. . . uh, I really have to talk to Mr. Endicott for a couple of minutes. Why don’t
you go and get something to eat?" He points Balki to the end of the buffet
table.
Balki walks to the end of the buffet line
and waits. The man in front of him realizes Balki is behind him and steps back,
motioning for Balki to go ahead. "Oh, thank you, thank you very much,"
Balki offers, stepping forward. The woman ahead of him steps aside as well,
motioning for Balki to go ahead of her. "Well, my goodness!" Balki
smiles, stepping past her and taking a plate, "Thank you very much."
The man ahead of him also motions for Balki to go ahead. "Well, for heaven’s
sake!" Balki comments. The woman ahead of him steps back and Balki says,
"Oh, well, don’t mind if I do." The last man at the front steps
back, letting Balki pass him. "Oh, well, I’m speechless!" Balki
sighs. Larry enters from the other room and sees Balki at the head of the buffet
with the line behind him around the table.
Balki picks up an olive and sets it on his
plate and the entire line, which is watching him intently, does the same thing.
Balki picks 
up another item and sets it on his plate and they all do the same.
Balki has picked up on this now. He takes the olive from his plate and drops it
back onto the buffet table, which everyone also does. Balki then takes the other
item and throws it down onto the table as well, which the others in line do as
well. Larry watches this all in wonder and confusion. Balki then slowly holds
his plate out in front of him and then pulls it back in quickly, watching the
chain reaction of the others down the line as they all do this. Finally Balki
takes the plate and swings it in a tricky manner under his arm and up toward his
shoulder, a maneuver that everyone in the line tries and fails at, resulting in
their plates flying in all directions, throwing food everywhere and causing the
plates to fall and break. Balki has a great laugh about this and Larry quickly
leaves the room as the scene fades.
Act two begins later at the Endicott’s
party. Balki is standing by the couch with his foot up on a coffee table when
Mrs. Endicott approach with an older man and another younger man. "Your
Highness," Mrs. Endicott begins, "would you mind terribly if we joined
you?" "Why? Are we coming apart?" Balki asks, then laughs at his
own joke. He clutches Mrs. Endicott’s arms and shakes her slightly, moving her
toward the couch and says "You! Take a load off." He sits on the couch
next to her as the younger man sits across from them and the older man stands
nearby. "Oh Prince!" Mrs. Endicott laughs. "Oh, stop it!"
Balki scolds. "Your Highness," the younger man begins, "I’d be
honored if you’d drop by the country club next week. We could play a little
golf." "We love little golf," Balki says, "We’re
especially good at the windmill hole." This breaks the fellow up, who
laughs, "Oh ho ho ho, Prince, stop!"
"Tell me, your Highness," Mrs.
Endicott begins as Larry enters the room and overhears, "What do you think
of American 
women?"
"Well, we think they spend a little too much time
trying to remove excess facial hair," Balki offers, then adds, "A trap
we’re glad to say you didn’t fall into." Mrs. Endicott looks
duly taken aback. Larry steps in and forces a laugh to ease the situation.
"You know it’s a pity the Mypiot humor doesn’t translate into
English," Larry offers, "Or any other language." "Your
Highness, I’ve been wondering," Mrs. Endicott asks, "why in the
world would a Prince be working in the mail room of my husband’s
newspaper?" "Well, um . . . " Balki begins. "Could I field
this one for you, Prince?" Larry asks. Balki motions for him to go ahead.
"Uh, his Highness doesn’t want anyone at the Chronicle to know he’s
heir to the throne," Larry explains, "He came to this country to find
a wife but he wants her to love him for himself, not for his wealth and power
and place in history." "That sounds like that Eddie Mumphry movie, ‘Coming
to America,’" the younger man points out.
Balki, who is startled at Larry’s story,
stands up and says, "Would you . . . excuse us?" motioning to himself,
"and them?" he motions to Larry. He takes Larry aside.
"Cousin, are you aware that you just told a big, fat lie?" Balki asks.
"I . . . I’m sorry, Balki," Larry says, "I guess I’m just so
frustrated at not being able to get to Mr. Endicott that I . . . I forgot that
lying was a bad thing." "If the lying don’t stop, I’m outta
here!" Balki warns. "Okay! It’s all right, I’m better now,"
Larry assures him. "You are?" Balki asks. "Yes, I am," Larry
says. "No more lying?" Balki asks. "No more lying," Larry
insists. "Attention, attention!" Mr. Endicott announces as he enters
the room with two other men, all of them dressed in polo gear, "We need two
more for polo. Does anyone play?" "We do!" Larry says, raising
his and Balki’s hands. Balki gives him a look of disbelief.
The next scene begins with Balki and Larry
entering the same room where the party had been taking place, only the party has
moved into the dining room (the doors to which are closed). They are wearing
polo outfits that are ripped, torn and dirtied, and they themselves are not much
better. They slowly walk into the room, looking pained. "I didn’t know
polo would be so hard," Larry says finally. "Cousin, think about
it," Balki says seriously, "Hitting a tiny ball with a stick while
riding a galloping horse at full speed is not a skill you can fake." "I thought the horse would do more," Larry muses.
"All right,
Cousin," Balki says, "the time has come for me to tell Muffy and Bobo
the truth." "If you tell the Endicotts you are not a Prince they will
throw us out and I will never get a chance to talk to Mr. Endicott," Larry
points out. "Nevertheless," Balki insists, "The truth must be
served." "Can’t you serve it later?" Larry asks. "No, it’s
getting cold," Balki states.
Balki and Larry eye each other in a
confrontational manner. "You realize I’ll have to go now?" Balki
asks. "Yes, I know," Larry says, "You know I’ll have to stop
you." "Yes, I know," Balki nods. Balki walks past Larry toward
the dining room doors and Larry tackles him from behind, pulling him down onto
the floor where they begin to wrestle. Balki tries to crawl toward the dining
room but Larry grabs him by the nose to turn him away. "Not the nose!
Not
the nose!" Balki cries until Larry lets it go, "It’s the pride of
Mypos." They continue to struggle, rolling closer to the buffet table.
Balki again tries to crawl toward the dining room and Larry, attempting to pull himself
up while holding on to Balki, grabs the cloth covering the table. As
Balki crawls away, he pulls Larry who in turn pulls the cloth and all the
contents of the buffet table down onto the rug.
Mr. and Mrs. Endicott, followed by their
party guests, enter from the dining room and stand looking upon the scene in
shock. "Hi!" Balki and Larry offer simultaneously. "Uh, Bobo,"
Balki begins, "I . . . I . . . " Larry picks up a plum that has fallen
beside him and shoves it into Balki’s mouth to keep him from talking. Larry
pushes Balki down and crawls over him as he stands up, placing a foot on Balki’s
back to keep him down. "Mr. Endicott," Larry begins, "Uh, Bobo .
. . I’m so glad I ran into you. I’d like to tell you about a terrific idea I
had for the paper. We set up an investigative reporting unit, you know, along
the lines of Woodward and Bernstein. I’d be happy to head up the team.
Statistics show that papers who have these teams win more Pulitzers and increase
their circulation on an average of 4.63 percent. I think it’s just the thing
The Chronicle needs." "A bad idea," Mr. Endicott frowns, "I
had an investigative reporting team on the last paper I owned. They got me sued
for 38 million dollars." Balki makes a surprised kind of noise.
"What was your name again?" Mr.
Endicott asks Larry. "McGregor," Larry answers quickly, "Joe
McGregor." Larry helps Balki up and Balki tries to talk with the plum still
in his mouth. Larry pushes on Balki’s diaphragm so that the plum pops out of
his mouth. "That’s better!" Balki announces, "Buffy, Mo Mo . .
. I’m sorry about the mess." "Oh please, don’t concern
yourself," Mrs. Endicott assures him, "It’s nothing!" She looks
pained, adding, "A Persian rug . . . a gift from the Aga Khan. A small
price to pay for the honor of your Highness’ company." "Well, we
gotta talk about that," Balki sighs. "Do we really?" Larry
interrupts, "Do we really? I mean, I’ve said everything I have to say,
and . . . . " "Let it go, Joe!" Balki scolds. Larry steps back
and lets Balki proceed. "Uh . . . I’m not the kind of royalty you think I
am," Balki admits, "I am an heir to the throne of Mypos but so are all
the other men on Mypos and a few of the older women with moustaches."
Everyone in the room takes a step back
away from Balki and Larry. "Oh dear, look at the time!" Mrs. Endicott
says, "Why don’t we 
all go in to dinner?"
Everyone heads to the
dining room, mostly ignoring Balki and Larry. "Well, you see, Cousin?"
Balki asks as they follow behind the rest of the group, "I told the
Endicott’s the truth about myself and they didn’t throw us out!" The
servant closes the dining room doors in Balki and Larry’s faces. Balki tries
the door, then knocks, calling, "Uh . . . Bobo?" "Balki,"
Larry sighs. "Muffy?" Balki calls. "Balki."
"Muff?" Balki calls, "It’s Balki! You . . . you accidentally
locked us out!" "It was no accident, Balki," Larry explains as he
walks away, "they meant to lock us out." "Cousin, you mean that
the Endicotts pretended to be my friends but they were not?" "I’m
sorry we ever came," Larry sighs, shaking his head, "Forget about the
Endicotts, Balki. If they don’t want you as a friend, well . . . they’re the
ones who are missing out. You have more class in your little finger than all of
them put together." "Thank you, Cousin," Balki says sincerely.
"All rich people are snobs
anyway," Larry says bitterly. "Horse apples!" replies an elderly
man who stands up from the chair 
where he’d been sitting, "Not all rich
people are snobs, just those jerks. And what do they know? They never worked a
day in their lives." "Wwowww!" Balki exclaims, "Imagine what
they’d have if they worked?" "I’ve been watching you all
evening," the man tells Balki, "You seem like a nice kid. But
eighty-six the royalty act. And you," he says to Larry, "I like the
idea you had for the paper." "Well, I appreciate that," Larry
says, "but uh, Bobo the clown hates it. What does it matter what we
think?" "Oh, it doesn’t matter what you think," the man agrees,
"It matters what I think. I’m Bobo Sr." Larry’s eyes open
wide and he stammers, "You’re Bo bo bo bo bo . . . you’re Bo bo bo bo
bo bo bo . . . . " "Cousin, this really is no time for your Bing
Crosby imitation," Balki stops him. "I still own controlling interest
in the paper," Bobo Sr. explains, "and I think that your idea about
the investigative reporting team isn’t half bad."
"You like it?" Larry asks,
"Did you hear that, Balki? He likes it! You mean I can head up the
team?" "No, that’s the half that was 
bad," Bobo Sr. states,
"We need somebody that’s more experienced. But don’t worry . . . you’ll
get your chance to be on the team. I never forget a name, Joe McGregor."
"Appleton," Larry quickly corrects, "Uh, my name is actually
Larry Appleton. Joe McGregor is just a . . . nickname." "It’s a
stupid nickname," Bobo Sr. says, "Almost as stupid as Bobo. Skippy,
now that’s a nickname!" He walks past Balki and Larry to the dining room
doors and knocks. "Open up! It’s Big Bobo!" The doors open
immediately and he walks into the dining room. The servant eyes Balki and Larry
for a moment and closes the doors again. "Well, there you go, Cousin,"
Balki says, hooking an arm around Larry’s shoulders, "All rich people are
not snobs. Big Bobo was very nice to us." "He didn’t invite us in to
dinner," Larry notes. "Well, don’t you worry about that!" Balki
says, "I’ve got thirty gallons of pig snout at home with your name on
it!" On Larry’s look of disgust the show ends.
Script Variations:
There are only a few
variations between the second draft script dated October 19, 1988 and the aired
episode:
- In
this draft the young snob is identified as Fletcher Christian, who in history
was the master's mate on the HMS Bounty and led the mutiny on same said ship.
- When
Larry is hung up on while talking on the phone, Harriette says, "Let me
give you a tip. Never go into phone sales.""
- Instead
of singing "Get Happy" Balki is introduced as singing "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah."
He sings the last lyrics like this: "Mr. Blue Bird on my shoulder . . .
" Then pauses and looks at his shoulder seriously, saying, "Mr.
Blue Bird, why you do that on my shoulder?"
- Larry
asks Balki why he is always up when he's always down. "That's because
I'm always up and you're always down," Balki explains. Larry asks,
"Where have you been? I have no one to listen to my
complaints." Larry says he would kill to get an invitation to the
Endicott's party. "No need to commit a felony, you can go with
me," Balki says.
- After
Larry realizes he can go to the Endicott's party with Balki he comments,
"Right. We'll go to the Endicott's for the weekend. We'll
eat. We'll laugh. Then I'll suggest an idea to Mr. Endicott that
will make him rich and my famous. Balki, life is good."
"Yes, Cousin, it's a Zip-a-dee-doo-dah say," Balki replies, and Balki
walks back up the stairs with a tray of mail while singing. Larry smiles
and sings, "Yes! Yes!" Then he comes face to face with
Harriette. "What! What!" Larry asks. "If those
snobs find out he's not who they think he is, they'll throw him out on his royal
behind." "Well, I guess I'll have to make sure that they
don't," Larry says, and starts singing Zip-a-dee-doo-dah.
- At
the apartment, Larry says, "Balki, this party isn't like any of the parties
we usually go to. These people don't bob for pig parts, they're in the
Fortune 500." "Oh, I love the Fortune 500," Balki says,
then, "Gentlemen, start your engines." "That's the
Indianapolis 500," Larry explains.
- After
Larry says he's envied rich people all his life, he says, "I'm very
familiar with their customs. When you're invited to their homes you have
to behave the way they expect you to." "Don't they just expect
me to be myself?" Balki asks. "They're rich," Larry
explains impatiently, "They don't expect anyone to be themselves."
- When
Larry is trying to explain to Balki about using "we" instead of
"I" it's Larry who gets all bent out of shape. "Just refer
to yourself as we. Okay?" Larry says. "We got it,
Cousin," Balki calms him, "Take an attitude adjustment."
Larry then says, "Alright, now when you're greeting large groups of people,
you must be very imposing, very regal. That's when the royal wave comes
in." Larry does the royal wave and Balki imitates him.
"Perfect," Larry approves, "Now, let's see your entrance.
'Ladies and gentlemen, Prince Bartokomous of Mypos.'" "Hi,
everybody," Balki says, "Could someone give us a hand with a tub of
snout?" In this version of the script the commercial break is
scheduled to come here.
- At
the party, Balki enters wearing a hat. The butler asks to take it.
"Your hat, sir?" "Yes, it is," Balki confirms,
"Do you like it?" "He wants to take your hat," Larry
explains. "Oh, I can't give him my hat, Cousin," Balki says,
"My Mama gave it to me." "He'll give it back to you when we
leave," Larry assures him. "How will he know which one is
mine?" Balki asks, "It's a very popular model." "Give
him the hat. Give him the hat," Larry insists.
- When
Mrs. Endicott curtsies to Balki he curtsies back. They each do this
several times until Larry stops Balki. "Thank you, Cousin,"
Balki offers, "We were getting nauseous." After Mrs. Endicott
introduces Balki, Balki in turn says, "Thank you. May we introduce
our American Cousin, Cousin Larry." Everyone goes back to their
conversations. "Thank you," Larry says in embarrassment.
- After
Larry encourages Balki to get something to eat at the buffet table, Balki
notices that everyone is looking at him and so he puts his plate down and goes
to Larry, who is trying to make his way into a group that includes Mr.
Endicott. "So, I closed the factory down and laid them all off,"
Mr. Endicott finishes a story and the man all laugh, as well as Larry.
"That reminds me of a great idea I have . . . " Larry begins until
Balki taps him on the shoulder. "Cousin, I need to talk to
you." "Balki, not now. Go get something to eat,"
Larry urges. "Well, I got a problem with that. Everyone is
staring at me," Balki explains. "Of course they're staring at
you. You are royalty," Larry reminds him, "They won't eat until
you do. Just go back to the table and start eating."
- In
the paragraph which explains the way the guests are following Balki's every move
at the buffet table, Paula Roth writes the direction "Balki does a move
with his plate." After this, in parenthesis, she adds (See
writers. Really we have something.)
- In
the scene when Mrs. Endicott and two guests join Balki the scene begins with
Balki telling the end of the rabbi and the kangaroo joke to a couple.
"So the rabbi says to the kangaroo, 'Don't look at me, you're the one with
the pouch.'" Balki laughs at his own joke and the couple looks
confused and walk away. If you watch the beginning of this scene in the
show you can tell this was, or a variation of it, was filmed because the couple
is walking away and Balki is laughing to himself when Mrs. Endicott approaches.
- Instead
of talking about facial hair, Balki answers Mrs. Endicott's question on what he
thinks of American women with, "We think they spend too much time trying to
cover up their age lines instead of taking pride in them as you do."
- After
Larry tells everyone the lie about Balki coming to America to seek a bride who
will love him for himself, Mrs. Endicott brags, "I told you it was
something like that." Fletcher then comments that it sounds like that
Eddie Mumphry movie, 'Coming to America' to which Larry replies, "Where do
you think they go the idea?"
- When
Balki confronts Larry about lying he says, "Cousin, you told me all I had
to do was act royal. You didn't say anything about lying." He
later comments, "Cousin, I think your moral fibers have snapped."
- After
Balki and Larry come back in from playing polo, looking disheveled and torn up,
Balki angrily says, "Well, I hope you're happy." "No, I am
not happy," Larry answers. "Well, maybe you wouldn't be so
unhappy if you hadn't lied so much. 'Oh yes, Mr. Endicott, Prince Balki
loves polo. He's a world class player.'"
- Balki
announces the lying is over "You're right," Larry agrees,
"Tell you what. I'll talk to Mr. Endicott for say five minutes and
then you'll have the rest of the weekend to tell him whatever you
want." "Cousin, you've given Muffy and Bobo the wrong impression
of me and I need to set them straight." "Muffy and Bobo?"
Larry asks. "Mr. and Mrs. Endicott," Balki explains, "They
said I should call them by their first names because we are becoming good
friends." "Balki, Muffy and Bobo are not your friends,"
Larry says, "If you tell them you aren't a prince, they'll throw us
out." "I see," Balki replies, "You think the only
reason they invited me into their nice home is because they think I'm a
prince. Well, you're wrong and I'll prove it." This is when
Balki and Larry start wrestling with one another.
- After
Balki reveals the number he is in line for the throne, Mrs. Endicott says,
"You mean to say you have accepted my hospitality, ridden my husband's
favorite polo pony ad now you have the unmitigated gaul to reveal you're a
(DISTASTEFUL) 'common' person?" "Well, if I've unmitigated my
gaul it's probably because of the spicy food," Balki replies, "and as
far as being a common person is concerned, I'm not one to brag, but I like to
think that I'm as common as they come." This is when everyone takes a
step back from them.
- When
Larry tells Balki that the Endicotts locked them out on purpose, Balki is
shocked. "I just don't understand why the Endicotts pretended to be
my friends when they weren't." "Balki, I'm sorry," Larry
sighs, "I shouldn't have let you come here under false pretenses. I
thought if I could keep you from telling the truth, I'd have a chance to talk to
Mr. Endicott." "You mean, they didn't invite me because they
liked my jokes?" Balki asks. "Balki, the Endicotts are
snobs," Larry explains, "The only people they want in their homes are
rich or famous or royalty. That's why I didn't want them to know you
weren't a real prince." "I wish you had told me this
earlier," Balki says, "I wouldn't have come to this party."
"I know," Larry says, "That's why I didn't tell you."
"Cousin, you used me like cheap cologne," Balki says. "I
don't know what that means, but I'm sorry," Larry replies, "I just
hope you can forgive me." "I guess I could forgive you,"
Balki notes, "I'm getting very good at it."
- At
the end, Bobo Sr. goes into the dining room and Balki tries the doors again,
saying, "I'm not leaving until I get my hat." The doors open and
someone throws the hat out.
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