Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 54 - Piano Movers

First Air Date: November 4, 1988
Nielsen Rating: 14.3 HH

Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: William Bickley & Michael Warren
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Belita Moreno: Ms. Lydia Markham

Guest Cast:
Michael DeLano: Chuck Panama

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri does not appear in this episode.

Balki-isms:
"Oh, I would love to meet your grammy!"
"Now, Cousin, that is where Balki has his thinking cap pulled way down over his ears."
"We’re not going to bust our buttocks . . . "
"Now, let’s tackle these ivories."

Don’t be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Get out of the city!"
"Question . . . "
"Balki, Balki, Balki . . . "
"Don’t do that."
"Well . . . "

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki laughs at his own joke
Larry and Balki argue with each other quickly, in this case "Yes, you will," "No, I won’t."
Larry has a plan

Songs: "People" - sung by Lydia after she’s auditioned for Chuck Panama

Interesting facts:
- When Balki quotes "I got rhythm, I got music, I got my pal . . . who could ask for anything more?" he’s quoting a line from a classic song "I Got Rhythm" by George and Ira Gershwin.
- There can be little doubt that the main inspiration for this episode came from the classic Laurel and Hardy short, The Music Box.  In that 1932 short film, the comedic duo face the task of moving a piano up a ridiculously tall flight of stairs that scale a tall hill, at the top of which sits a professors house where the instrument is to be delivered.  Laurel and Hardy would continue to be an inspiration for the series, culminating in the seventh season episode, The Gazebo, in which Bronson and Mark would play Laurel and Hardy themselves.
- When Balki makes a reference to whether or not Stephen King ever wrote anything about a piano, it’s a reference to the horror writer’s tendency to personify inanimate objects, as he did with a car in the novel Christine and his short story, Trucks (which became Maximum Overdrive on the screen).  It was funny that Bronson made this Stephen King joke when he himself would star in the Stephen King miniseries The Langoliers in 1995.
- Michael DeLano, who plays Chuck Panama in this episode, may be familiar to fans of classic television, as he played the smarmy ladies' man, Johnny Venture, in the series Rhoda.
- Lydia can be seen wearing the same necklace and earrings she wore with the plush velvet dress in the episode To Be or Not to Be from season three.
- At the end of the episode Balki makes a comment that they won’t have to help Harriette move into their building until the following week.  While the move was never shown, Harriette indeed live in their building throughout season four.  How the Winslows ever ended up in their own house again when they spun off into their own series was never explained.  But apparently the writers intended for Harriette and Carl to be more closely involved in Balki and Larry’s lives before deciding to give them their own series, Family Matters.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- When the piano appears above Balki and Larry on the eighth floor landing we see it come down completely on the landing and turn the corner.  When they turn and start downward we hear the sound of the piano bumping down the stairs and they turn to see it about to start down the stairs.  But the piano was only turning the corner . . . how could it have been making the "bumping down the stairs" sound at that time?

Synopsis:
The episode begins in the basement of the Chicago Chronicle.  Balki and Larry are at Larry’s desk stamping envelopes as Larry sets each one down on the briefcase upon his desk.  "Electric bill . . . " Larry states as Balki licks a stamp and places it on the envelope, hitting it with his fist to make sure it sticks.  "Gas bill . . . " Larry says as Balki again stamps it.  "Phone bill . . . " Larry says with the last envelope as Balki again licks a stamp, places it on and punches it with his hand.  "Balki, there’s no stamp on this," Larry points out, holding up the last envelope which is missing the stamp.  Balki looks around for it but Larry reaches over and grabs Balki’s chin, lifting his head, then squeezes Balki’s cheeks so his tongue sticks out.  Sure enough the missing stamp is still on Balki’s tongue.  Larry removes it and places it on the last envelope.

Lydia appears on the staircase above them, calling excitedly as she hurries down, "Balki!  Larry!  Something wonderful has happened!  This is the greatest day of my life!"  "Miss Lydia, what is it?" Balki asks.  "Chuck Panama called and he’s coming to my party tonight," Lydia answers.  "Get out of the city!" Balki says excitedly, "The Chuck Panama?  The one they named the canal after?"  Lydia looks confused.  "No, Balki, you’re thinking of Chuck Suez," Larry says flippantly.  Lydia looks even more confused, then explains, "Chuck Panama happens to be one of the hottest record producers in America today.  I’ve dreamed of being a singer all my life.  I’ve even had people tell me I’m a young Barbara Streisand.  If I get a chance to sing for Chuck my Grammy is just around the corner."  "Oh, I would love to meet your grammy!" Balki says sweetly.  Is she coming to the party?"

"No, no no," Lydia says, "She, uh, hates parties.  But you could do me an intsy-teensy favor.  I can’t get a piano delivered to my apartment tonight so I thought since you guys are coming to the party you could pick it up on your way."  "Perfect!" Balki says, "We were going to ask you if we could bring anything."  Larry looks horrified at this prospect and quickly says, "We’d love to but I have a back problem."  "If I don’t get a chance to sing for Chuck Panama my life will be meaningless," Lydia says dramatically.  "I know what you mean," Larry offers, "and the only thing worse than a meaningless life is a bad back."  Lydia looks like she may cry, so Balki says, "Oh, Miss Lydia, I promise you get your piano.  Cousin, don’t worry, I’ll do all the work."  He turns back to Lydia and adds, "I always do all the work."  "Terrific!" Lydia says happily, reaching into her purse and handing a piece of paper to Balki, "Terrific!  Now, here is the receipt for the piano.  Try to be a little bit early, I want to do a sound check.  Thanks!"  She hurries into the parking garage.

"Now why did you do that?" Larry asks Balki in frustration, "I want to go to a party and have fun.  I don’t want to work up a sweat moving a piano."  "Now, Cousin, that is where Balki has his thinking cap pulled way down over his ears," Balki says, "We’re not going to bust our buttocks, we’re going to rent one of those trucks with the little elevator on the back.  Your back will be no problem, your underarms will stay nice and dry and because you have helped a friend you’ll feel good inside.  What you say?"  "All right, all right," Larry sighs, picking up his briefcase and jacket, "I’ll move the piano.  But I won’t feel good inside."  They head for the parking garage.  "Yes, you will," Balki assures him.  "No, I won’t," Larry insists.  "Yes, you will."  "No, I won’t."  "Yes, you will."  "No, I won’t . . . I already have a little pain right here," Larry points to his stomach.

That night Larry and Balki arrive at Lydia’s apartment building.  Larry opens one side of the double front doors and directs Balki, who is pushing an upright piano on wheels, inside.  "Okay, bring it on in," Larry says, "Bring it on in.  A little more, a little more, a little more."  Balki pushes the piano into the foyer until Larry motions for him to stop with a "Ho!" and looks for the elevator, which is just past a large stairway.  "Okay, straight over here!  Straight over here.  Keep it comin’, keep it comin’," Larry continues, leading Balki to the elevator doors.  "All right, swing it on in . . . swing it on in," Larry directs as Balki turns the piano to face the long way toward the doors.  Larry directs him all the way to the doors then stops him with another "Ho!" and pushes the button to call the elevator.

The elevator doors open as Balki walks to the front of the piano opposite Larry and leans against it.  "You thought this was gonna be hard," Balki notes, "but it’s gonna be just as easy as pushing goats up a hill."  Balki walks to the back of the piano again and pushes it into the elevator.  It hits the back wall with one third of the piano still sticking out.  The elevator doors try to close but hit the piano and open again repeatedly.  Larry holds the elevator button so the doors will stop.  "Looks like one of the goats doesn’t fit," Larry says smugly.  "Okay, smarty pants!" Balki says, pulling the piano back out and turning it the other way so that it’s now lengthwise, "I just do this, turn it around like this and . . . voila!"  Balki pushes the piano toward the elevator but both sides stick out way wider than the opening.  Balki sits on the piano as Larry releases the button and the elevator doors close.

"Question . . . " Balki begins, "how are we going to get this up to Miss Lydia’s apartment?"  "Answer . . . we don’t," Larry says.  He moves to pulled the piano away from the elevator door with Balki still sitting on it.  "Balki, we gave it our best shot, it didn’t work," Larry continues, "Guess the world will just have to get along with one Barbara Streisand."  Larry starts to wheel the piano to the front doors.  "Cousin, there must be a way!" Balki insists.  Larry stops and looks at Balki in frustration, but Balki is looking up at the tall staircase winding upward.  Larry follows Balki’s eyes and then is shocked when Balki gives him a look of enthusiasm.  "Uh uh!" Larry says, holding up his hand.  "Yes!" Balki says excitedly, jumping off the piano to start moving it toward the stairs.  "Balki, Balki, hold on!  Hold on!" Larry urges, "Think about what you’re thinking!"  Balki makes an expression of exaggerated thought.  "Two men are going to carry a piano upstairs?" Larry asks, "Uh uh.  No way.  And no."

"Cousin, we made a promise," Balki says.  "Oh no no!  No no no no no!" Larry is quick to answer, "I didn’t promise anybody anything.  You promised."  Balki nods in realization, "You know, you’re right.  I promised.  You didn’t promise."  Balki tries to steel himself, sighing, "Okay, um . . . so . . . you go upstairs to the party and I’ll just take care of it."  Larry stands and watches as Balki wheels the piano to face the first flight of stairs.  "And Cousin, don’t worry about me because I’m in a good place about it."  Balki stands on the first step and reaches down to lift the front end of the piano up.  He does this with a long, painful groan, finally getting the end of the piano up on the first step with a thump and notes sounding.  Larry walks over to him as Balki stands, looking pained already.  "One," Balki announces, reaching down to lift it again.  "Wait a minute," Larry sighs, "Who moves a piano like that?"  "Someone who’s alone," Balki cries.

"All right, I’ll help you," Larry reluctantly agrees.  "Oh, thank you, Cousin," Balki says, leaning over the railing to embrace Larry’s head gratefully.  "Now, what we need first is a plan," Larry announces.  "Cousin, nobody enjoys one of your plans more than I do but I was just thinking maybe we could just pick it up and go," Balki says.  "Oh, just pick it up and go?" Larry asks.  "Just pick it up and go," Balki repeats.  "Oh, that’s what you want to do, Balki, just pick it up and go?"  "Yes, pick it up and go," Balki confirms again.  "Balki, Balki, Balki . . . " Larry sighs, "Do you know the most common way people hurt themselves?"  "Running with sharp sticks in their hands?" Balki tries.  "No," Larry says.  "Trying to cut their toenails with a bolt cutter?"  "No."  "Sleeping out in the open and letting little bugs crawl in their ears and make nests and they start to buzz and buzz until you think you’re gonna go crazy but you just take a little Q-Tip and get in there . . . . "

"No, Balki, Balki. Balki!" Larry stops him, "The most common way people hurt themselves is by lifting heavy objects incorrectly."  "Really?" Balki asks.  "Yes, they do," Larry says, "Now . . . the secret to lifting a piano is to let your legs do all the work.  It’s all in the legs."  Larry bends his legs at the knees and goes down and up to demonstrate his point.  "All in the legs," Balki repeats, mimicking the same movement.  "All in the legs," Larry repeats, bending at the knees again.  Balki does it again.  They repeat this several times until Balki finally says, "I like this!"  "I thought you would," Larry states, then walks to the other side of the piano, "Now, on the count of three, we will lift . . . "  Balki has followed him, still bent slightly at the knees so he has a funny walk.  "Other side, other side, other side" Larry says, and Balki walks back around to the other side.

"On the count of three we will lift the piano up one step and set it down," Larry instructs, "What we are trying to do is establish a rhythm."  "Hey, I got rhythm!" Balki assures him, then motions to the piano, "I got music . . . " then points to Larry and adds, "I got my pal . . . who could ask for anything more?"  Balki laughs at his own joke, smiling at Larry who is not amused.  "Ready?" Larry finally asks.  "Yes," Balki confirms.  "All in the legs," Larry reminds him as they each take one side of the front of the piano, "One, two, three . . . lift!"  They lift the end of the piano up to the second step and look at each other triumphantly.  "One, two, three . . . lift!" Larry repeats and they do it again.  After a dissolve we can see they have made it partway up past the first floor, keeping the same rhythm with "One, two, three . . . lift!" as they go.  Balki is now pulling at the front end as Larry is pushing the piano from behind.  "What floor is Lydia on?" Larry asks before saying "One, two, three . . . lift!" again.  They get to the next step before Balki answers, "She’s on ten."  "One, two, three . . . TEN?" Larry cries.  Balki lets go of the piano and it slides back down the stairs, pushing Larry down in front of it to the first floor landing.  "Somebody broke the rhythm," Balki notes.  On Larry’s fuming look the scene fades.

Act two begins with Balki and Larry still going through their "One, two, three . . . lift!" routine as they reach the third floor landing.  "Why do I let you talk me into helping other people?" Larry asks as they turn the piano on the landing to continue upstairs, "Why do I listen?  I could have said no.  I did say no!"  "Good news, Cousin," Balki offers, "We only have seven floors to go."  Balki looks upward at the seemingly never-ending staircase.  The scene dissolves to a short time later time when they are still working their way up the stairs just past the third floor.  Larry counts, "One, two, three . . . lift!" as they go, until one time Balki stops with a pained look on his face.  Larry continues with "One, two, three . . . lift!" as he pushes on his end of the piano while Balki stays in the same spot, gasping, "Cousin!"  "Balki . . . why aren’t we moving?" Larry asks.  "We are not moving because the piano is on my foot," Balki answers.

Larry looks around the piano to verify this then makes a pained expression at the sight.  "Well, lift it off your foot," Larry suggests.  "That was my first instinct," Balki agrees, "but you see, the wheel is caught on the carpet."  "All right, all right," Larry says, "You hang on to the piano.  I’ll come up to your end and lift it off your foot."  "That would be nice," Balki says in a pained voice.  "All right, have you got it?" Larry asks.  "More than you know," Balki assures him.  Larry climbs up onto the stairway railing and works his way up toward Balki’s end of the piano.  He climbs off, accidentally resting his weight on the piano at one point which causes Balki to cry out in pain.  "Sorry," Larry offers. Larry gets down next to Balki and says, "All right . . . on the count of three lift the piano and don’t let go.  Ready?  One . . . two . . . three!"

They lift the piano off Balki’s foot and Balki sighs with relief as he lets go of the piano and it rolls down the stairs, crashing through the large window of the landing and dangling precariously from the third floor.  "I said lift and don’t let go," Larry states.  "Oh, don’t let go," Balki realizes.  "Don’t let go," Larry confirms.  "So then don’t . . . " Balki begins.  "Don’t," Larry repeats.  " . . . would have been the operative word . . . " Balki says.  "Yes," Larry sighs.  " . . . in that phrase," Balki finishes.  The piano begins to slip out the window and so Balki and Larry run down the stairs to grab it before it can fall through.  "Balki!  Pull!  Pull!" Larry cries.  "What does it look like I’m doing?  Milking a goat?" Balki asks.  They manage to pull the piano back onto the third floor landing.  "Okay, here’s the plan," Larry finally says, "We move the piano up to Lydia’s . . . and then you move back to Mypos."  "I’m glad you’re in a joking mood, you big kidder you!" Balki smiles, tweaking Larry’s nose, "Now, let’s tackle these ivories."

The next scene shows Balki and Larry on a landing making the turn to start up another flight of stairs.  Larry is saying "One, two, three . . . lift!" but more slowly and in exhaustion.  Balki lifts the front end of the piano with a great moan of pain.  Almost ready to drop, Larry says, "One . . . two . . . three . . . " then notices the sign on the door which says "10^th Floor" in front of him.  " . . . Balki," Larry gasps.  Balki moans again in agony but can’t even lift the front of the piano any more.  "No!  We’re here!" Larry points out, "We made it!"  "We . . . we’re here?" Balki asks in amazement, "We made it?"  Balki climbs over the banister to meet Larry and they laugh and hug each other.  "And you thought it was gonna be hard!" Balki scoffs.  "I can’t believe it," Larry says, "We brought a piano up ten floors and I didn’t hurt my back!  My back is fine!"  Larry laughs again and hugs Balki.

"Okay, Balki," Larry sighs, "open the door."  Balki walks around to the door and tries to open it but it won’t budge.  "Balki, open the door," Larry repeats.  Balki tries again even harder, but still the door won’t open.  Balki walks to Larry, who looks incredulous.  "The door can’t be locked!" Larry cries, then buries his face in his palm as he leans dejectedly on the piano and moans, "No, no, no . . . "  Larry begins to cry.  "Cousin," Balki sighs.  "Huh?" Larry murmurs.  "Don’t do that," Balki pleads, "It’s gonna be okay.  You know why?  We just gonna go downstairs and we just take the elevator up and I bet you can open it from the other side."  "Okay," Larry sighs, completely spent.  "Okay?" Balki asks.  "Okay," Larry agrees.  "Okay," Balki says and leads the way down the stairs.  "It’s just I’m missing the whole party," Larry whines.  "I know," Balki sympathizes.  "And I’m all sweaty," Larry adds.  "I know," Balki sighs.  "And I got a blister," Larry says, holding out his finger to show Balki.  "And your pants are ripped," Balki adds.

"My pants are ripped?" Larry asks.  "Yeah . . . I was going to tell you earlier but then I thought ‘He might lose his mind.’"  "My pants are ripped?" Larry asks angrily, "I love these pants.  These are my good pants!  These pants make me look taller!"  "Guess I should have waited," Balki notes.  "I hate that stupid piano!" Larry snaps, walking back up to the instrument and crying, "I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!"  He gives the piano a swift kick with his right foot.  "Ow!" Larry cries, turning around and limping on his now sore foot.  He hops on his left foot and slips down one step, wrenching his back which he grabs at with his hands as he cries in pain.  "Ooh!  Ooh!  My back!  I hurt my back."  Larry comes down the stairs painfully, yelping when he steps down on his sore foot and then again when his back hurts.  He reaches Balki and gives him a wide-eyed stare.  "Are you finished?" Balki asks.  "Yes," Larry says quietly.  "Okay.  Would you like me to help you downstairs?" Balki asks.  "Yes, please," Larry agrees humbly.

The scene dissolves and we see Balki and Larry coming down the stairs and passing the eighth floor landing.  Larry is hanging onto Balki, riding him piggyback as Balki slowly makes his way down the steps.  "Don’t worry, Cousin," Balki encourages, "You hurt yourself doing something good for somebody else.  God will smile on you."  "That’s what I did this for?  A smile?" Larry asks.  "Now Cousin, if there’s one thing that this simple Mypiot knows . . . that is that if you do something good for other people, good things are bound to happen to you."  They suddenly hear the sound of piano notes bumping, the same sort of noise the piano was making as they were moving it upstairs, only more quickly.  They stop to listen and the sound stops.  "What was that?" Balki asks.  "Could be anything," Larry says, hopefully.

Balki tightens his grip on Larry and starts down again, only to hear the piano bumping sounds again.  They stop and listen nervously.  "Or it could be the piano rolling down the stairs," Balki suggests.  They are about to reach the seventh floor landing when the piano sounds become more urgent and the piano rolls down to the eighth floor landing above them.  They stare up at the instrument in shock as it turns the corner.  "It appears to be following us," Balki says nervously, "Cousin . . . did Stephen King ever write anything about a piano?"  "There’s got to be a logical explanation," Larry offers, "Pianos don’t follow people.  Maybe the floors are uneven."  They turn and start back down to the seventh floor landing when there is a sudden series of bumping piano notes and they turn to see the piano as it is about to start down the stairs towards them.  "Or maybe it’s alive!" Balki cries, and he and Larry let out a blood-curdling scream.

They turn and run down the stairs quickly as the piano bumps its way down the stairs behind them.  They pass the sixth floor landing and Larry cries out, "Faster!  Faster!"  Balki stops and says, "Perhaps you would like to get off and wait for the next Mypiot?"  They hear the piano coming again and Larry points Balki’s face to point down the stairs as they continue in a hurry down to the fifth floor, turning the corner to head down to the fourth.  Larry’s jacket is on the railing of the fifth floor landing and Balki comes back up quickly.  "What are you doing?" Larry cries.  "You forgot your jacket," Balki points out.  "Forget the jacket!" Larry gasps, grabbing Balki’s hair and pulling his head back.  The piano appears above them, starting down the flight of stairs.  Balki and Larry scream as the piano bears down on them.  They leap back against the fifth floor door as the piano races by them, crashing through the window and landing on the street below with a loud crash.  Balki and Larry look down through the broken window as we hear the sound cars braking and horns honking.  "Well . . . " Larry sighs.  "I had no idea a piano had so many parts," Balki comments.

A bit later we see the elevator doors in the lobby as they open and Chuck Panama is holding Lydia up off the floor in his arms as he kisses her passionately.  He sets her down and they part as she laughs and says, "Oh, you take my breath away, you wild man you!"  They exit the elevator and walk toward the front door as she continues.  "So, um, Chuck . . . do you like my singing?"  "Why don’t we discuss it tomorrow night at my hotel?" Chuck asks.  Balki and Larry come down the stairs, battered and worn, to see this exchange.  "Ooh!" Lydia gasps excitedly, "Until then . . . "  "Ciao, baby," Chuck smiles, kissing her hand.  "Ciao!" she answers, unable to contain her excitement as he leaves.  She turns and passes the stairs, not noticing Balki and Larry until Balki says, "Miss Lydia."  "Oh, Balki!  Larry!  I didn’t see you at the party."  She thinks a moment.  "Did I invite you to the party?"

"Lydia, we were moving your piano," Larry explains.  "Oh that," Lydia giggles, "Funny thing . . . I didn’t need that piano after all.  I used a background tape.  It had a full orchestra.  It just supported my voice so much better than that dinky little piano."  "Did you hear that, Balki?" Larry asks, "She didn’t need the piano."  "Well, that’s fortunate, Miss Lydia, because the piano now bears a striking resemblance to a pile of Lincoln Logs."  "Oh, who cares about that silly old piano?" Lydia asks, "Chuck likes me!  He really likes me!  And you wanna know why he really likes me?  Because . . . . "  She breaks into song, belting out Barbara Streisand’s hit "People."  "People . . . people who need people . . . are the luckiest people in the world . . . "  She continues singing as she gets into the elevator and the doors close.

"Cousin, isn’t it wonderful the way things worked out?" Balki asks.  "Wonderful?" Larry asks in disbelief, "What is so wonderful?  We killed ourselves taking a piano up ten floors for nothing!"  "Well, now that’s true," Balki admits, "but the point is that you helped me to do this even though it was against your better judgement."  "And that makes this evening worth it for you?" Larry asks.  "Well, yes it does," Balki says, "because, Cousin, if you were willing to help me to do this then I know that even if the world falls in on me I can ask for your help."  "Well, Balki, you’re probably right," Larry nods, "but just don’t ask for the next few days, okay?"  Balki offers Larry a hand to help him toward the front door as he remarks, "There’s plenty of time, Cousin . . . we won’t have to help Harriette move into our building until next week."  Larry turns from the door and starts after Balki, painfully and slowly moving in a menacing way toward him as Balki backs away nervously.

Script Variations:
There are only a few variations between the final episode and the shooting script from September 29, 1988:
- After the opening bit with the postage stamp, the elevator door opens and Harriette exits behind some newspaper workers.  She is painting her nails.  "Yo!  Appleton!" she calls.  Larry and Balki both walk over to Harriette.  "Push the emergency stop for me, baby," Harriette requests.  "What's the emergency?" Larry asks.  Harriette gives him a look as if the answer should be obvious and says, "I got to finish my nails.  I've got a lot to do before Lydia's party tonight."  "You think you got a lot to do.  I've got to go home and wash my tongue," Balki points out.  "I don't even want to know what that's about, baby," Harriette assures him.  The elevator buzzes and Harriette calls up the elevator shaft, "Keep your shirt on!  I've got a life, too, you know!"  She asks Larry to push six for her and she leaves.  After the elevator doors close Larry says, "Balki, don't tell people you have to go home and wash you tongue."
- In the script and revisions for September 30th, the joke about Chuck Panama, when Balki asks if he's the same guy they named the canal after, is capped with Larry saying "No, Balki.  That's Frank Panama."  In the final episode the line was changed to "You're thinking of Chuck Suez."  In the shooting script, Lydia says, "If I get a chance to sing for Chuck I might get an album."  Balki replies, "Miss Lydia, if an album is all you want, you don't have to sing for it.  I'll buy you one."  In the revisions for September 30th the joke has been changed to the Grammy line instead.  Oddly enough, in the shooting script Balki's line is, "Oh Cousin, I'll do all the work.  I always do."  In the revisions from the next day, the line is changed to, "Don't worry, Cousin.  I'll lift the heavy end."  The line would appear in the episode as it is in the shooting script.
- After Balki tries to get the piano into the elevator he notes, "It don't fit, huh?"  "No, it don't," Larry agrees.  Then after Larry tells Balki they have it their best shot his line is, "One Barbara Streisand is all the world needs, anyway."
- When Balki is trying to guess the most common way people hurt themselves his second guess originally was, "Sticking a fork in a toaster?"
- When the piano is on Balki's foot and Larry says he will come up to that end and help him, Balki says, "That would be nice.  Because my foot is having an out of Balki experience."
- After the piano crashes through the window the first time, Balki comments, "Boy, Cousin, we were lucky the window was here to stop it."
- When Balki tries the door on the tenth floor and finds it locked, Larry says, "Balki.  Tell me the door isn't locked."  "The door isn't locked," Balki says.  "Good, let's go," Larry says.  "We can't."  "Why not?"  "Because the door is locked."  "Why did you tell me the door isn't locked?" Larry asks.  "Because your will is too strong," Balki answers.
- When Lydia asks Chuck Panama if he likes her singing he says insincerely, "Your singing, yes of course.  Why don't we discuss it tomorrow night at my hotel?"  Then when Lydia sees Larry and Balki she says, "I didn't see you at the party.  Didn't I invite you?"

Continue on to the next episode . . .