Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 47 - My Brother, Myself

First Air Date: March 18, 1988
Nielsen Rating: 12.4 HH

TV Guide Description: To impress his cosmopolitan brother, Larry tells lie upon lie about being a successful newspaper editor, dragging Balki into the scheme as well.

Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: John B. Collins
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Belita Moreno: Miss Lydia Markham

Guest Cast:
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow

Special Guest Star:
Ted McGinley: Billy Appleton

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri can barely be seen sitting on the bookcase in the background during the breakfast scene.  Later in the episode it’s clear he’s sitting there with a long pointy nose on (to indicate lying as in Pinocchio).

Balki-isms:
"You read my mind!  You must have PMS!"
"They treat this man as if he were Prince Valium!"
"Listen, you don’t want to eat on an empty stomach."

Don’t be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Get out of the city!"
"Well . . . I gotta go."
"Wwowww!!"
"Ha!"
"What was the question?"
"Question . . . "
"Go on with you!"
Balki’s "Huh?"
" . . . you really stepped in something good."

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Alliteration, especially using the letter ‘B’
Balki cries to get something he wants
Balki laughs at his own joke

Interesting facts:
- Larry’s brother Billy had been mentioned repeatedly throughout the run of Perfect Strangers so far, so loyal viewers were already aware of the intense rivalry between Larry and his brother.  Billy had been represented as being a terrific athlete, winning countless awards while Larry had none.  Billy was the second (and last) Appleton sibling to appear on the show (the first being Larry’s sister, Elaine, near the end of season two).
- Harriette makes mention of her husband and the look he gets when she says her mother is coming to dinner.  It was Carl’s mother who moved in with the family in the pilot episode of Family Matters, so Carl apparently didn’t get along with either mother!
- This episode is notable because of the coining of the phrase "Appleton’s Snow Job."  Although this was actually just a figment of Larry’s imagination, a ruse in which to get Balki to help him lie to his Cousin Billy, the term was so perfect fans continued to use it for all of Larry’s crazy plans and schemes, even though the term never came up again in any other episode.
- In the apartment at breakfast time we can see a Raisin Puffs box sitting on the counter.
- Balki and Larry infiltrate Mr. Burns’ office to pull off the illusion of Larry being the Chronicle’s city editor, going so far as to take Mr. Burns’ photo from the wall.  Oddly enough, Mr. Burns would never again appear in the show and this reference to him was one of the last.
- The photos used for Mr. Burns, Larry and Jennifer during the city editor charade were all black and white publicity stills for Eugene Roche, Mark Linn-Baker and Melanie Wilson.
- Guest starring as Larry’s brother Billy in this episode is veteran television actor Ted McGinley, who has the unfair reputation of being the "jump the shark" king (he’s actually the patron saint at www.jumptheshark.com) due to the fact he was brought in as a new or replacement character on some series which were then cancelled.  The most famous of these would be his casting during the final run of Happy Days.  He also was cast as a recurring character in the evening soap opera Dynasty.  But Ted’s long-lasting career cannot be dismissed so easily.  These days fans may know him best from his long-running stint on the popular Fox series Married with Children.  He’s also appeared in the popular series Sports Night, The West Wing, and even more recently was a regular on the series Hope & Faith.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- A blooper from this episode in which Mark fumbles on the B alliterations can be seen on our YouTube Channel, along with other bloopers from the series!

Synopsis:
The episode begins in the basement of the Chicago Chronicle.  Balki is at a back table in the mailroom, talking on the phone.  "Okay, Cousin Billy.  Nice talking to you.  I tell Cousin Larry you’re coming . . . he’s going to be so happy to see his brother!  Yes.  Huh?  Oh . . . ciao to you too, guy!"  Balki hangs up and walks over to his worktable where Lydia is looking at a letter.  "Lydia, you’ll never guess who just called!"  "Larry’s brother, Billy?" Lydia asks, having overheard Balki on the phone.  "Get out of the city!" Balki gasps, "You read my mind!  You must have PMS!"  Lydia looks duly embarrassed.

The elevator door opens and Larry steps out, thanking Harriette who walks out behind him.  "Cousin, the most wonderful news!" Balki exclaims, running over to Larry’s desk with a wire basket, "You’re brother Billy called!"  "Billy?" Larry asks, looking less than enthusiastic, "My brother?  My brother Billy called?"  "Cousin Billy just called and he said that tomorrow he’s jetting in from Paris and he’ll only be in town for a couple of hours but he was hoping that he could do lunch, and I’ve never done lunch before so . . . he made it sound so easy I said yes," Balki explains, "Cousin, I’m going to meet another Appleton!  Let’s savor this moment."  Balki pauses a moment then says, "Well . . . I gotta go."  Balki takes the wire basket and exits the basement.

Harriette and Lydia both approach Larry.  "That’s the same look my husband gets when I tell him my mother’s comin’ to dinner," Harriette notes.  "Let me guess," Lydia tries, "Your brother’s a deadbeat, right?  He only shows up to borrow money?"  "Worse," Larry sighs, "Billy’s . . . successful."  "Oh, I hate that!" Lydia cries with a sneer.  "He owns his own company, jets around the world, has a villa in Monte Carlo," Larry continues, "He’s Mr. Perfect.  And he never lets me forget it."  "Oh, what’s the big deal, Larry?" Lydia asks, "You go to lunch, you listen to him brag . . . stick him with the check!"  "Well, he might expect me to pay," Larry sighs, "See, I got tired of Billy’s bragging so I did a little bragging of my own."  "About what?" Harriette asks.  "Well, about a lot of things," Larry answers, "About how much money I make, about what kind of car I drive . . . "

"So you exaggerated a little bit," Lydia says.  "Well, the most recent thing I told him was that I’m city editor of the Chronicle," Larry admits.  "Oh, what a tangled web we weave!" Lydia sighs, "I think when Billy gets here he’ll figure out you are not the city editor."  "When Billy finds out the truth he’s going to torture me for the rest of my life," Larry sighs.  "Well, what goes around comes around," Harriette comments.  "Well, it hasn’t come around yet," Larry says hopefully, "I mean I fooled him for two years, surely I can fool him for two hours!  I’ll get Balki to back me up!  We’ll just run a bit of bogus braggadocio by brother Bill and by the time Billy gets back on that Boeing he’ll believe I’m Ben Bradley!"  "You’re babblin’, baby!" Harriette scolds.  "Don’t break out the bubbly just yet, Lar," Lydia warns, "Balki’s not going to go along with this.  He is the most honest person in the world!"  Larry looks from Harriette to Lydia, looking concerned.

Match cut to the apartment the next morning where Larry’s expression is now one of thinking and scheming; he is sitting at the kitchen table with Balki, holding a coffee cup as Balki reads a comic book over the remains of breakfast.  We can see the wheels turning in Larry’s head and finally he decides upon a course of action, giving Balki that devious look out of the corner of his eye.  Working his way into it, Larry starts to laugh loudly.  Balki eyes him curiously, laughing himself, then asks, "What’s so funny?"  "I was just thinking of the last time I saw Billy," Larry begins, "He really got me good playing Appleton’s Snow Job."  "Appleton’s Snow Job?" Balki asks.  "Yeah."  "What that?"  "Oh, that’s a game we play in my family," Larry explains, "You make up the biggest story you can think of and you try to make your brother believe it!  And today Billy and I are going to play.  Billy and I are going to have such fun!"

"Oh!" Balki says, intrigued, "Cousin, do you suppose that I could play, too?"  "Oh, Balki, I don’t know," Larry sighs, "it’s hard to play with more than two players."  "Oh please!" Balki asks, "I want to play Appleton’s Snow Job!"  Larry keeps saying no and Balki keeps asking until Balki finally breaks down into tears, begging to play.  "Oh . . . what the heck?  You’re in!" Larry announces.  Balki gets up and hugs Larry then kneels down next to him, saying, "Cousin, I’m going to play Appleton’s Snow Job!  How do we play?"  "First we have to make up a story," Larry explains.  They both take on a thoughtful expression, resting their elbows on the table.  Just as Balki starts to say something Larry interrupts.  "Oh, I know!  What if I tell him I write a sports column?"  Balki looks excited but Larry nixes the idea, saying, "No."  Again they think and just as Balki’s about the speak again Larry jumps in with, "Ooh, I know!  What if I tell him I run the advertising department?  No."  They think again, again Balki is about to speak and Larry claps his hands together and says, "I’ve got it!  I’ll tell Billy I’m city editor of the Chronicle!"  "No . . . little over the top," Balki says, "I know where you’re going with that . . . . "  Trying to maintain control, Larry says, "Balki, Balki . . . city editor is worth fifty points!"  "It is?" Balki asks in amazement, "Wowww!  You really are good at this game!"  "When it come to snow job, I’m better than you know," Larry assures him.

"But how are we gonna pull this off?  Oooh . . . . " Larry thinks, "I mean, Billy’s coming to the paper for lunch right from the airport and we can’t exactly ask Mr. Burns to leave his office."  He waits for Balki to come up with the solution.  "We don’t have to, Cousin, because Mr. Burns goes to lunch every day exactly at one o’clock!"  "By golly, you’re right!" Larry gasps, "I hadn’t thought of that!  What would convince Billy I’m city editor?  What if I brought in a few personal things just to make the office look like mine?"  Larry looks over his shoulder at the counter where he’s already got some items laid out (including his baseball trophy, a photo of Jennifer, and a nameplate) and cries, "Oh, look!"  He gets up and goes to the counter with Balki following.  "Well, this stuff would be perfect!"  Larry opens his briefcase, which just happens to be sitting on a stool below the counter, and pushes everything inside with one sweep of his hand.  "Wwowwww!" Balki gasps again, "You are one snow job master!"

That afternoon at The Chronicle, Larry and Balki rush into Mr. Burns’ office.  "Come on, Balki, Billy’s on his way up," Larry urges as he carries his stuff into the room.  Larry starts arranging his items on the desk and says, "Balki, get the picture on the wall!"  Balki heads for an art print behind them but Larry cries, "Not that picture!" and points to the other side of the room where a photograph of Mr. Burns is hanging.  Balki takes it down and Larry replaces it with a photo of himself instead.  "Cousin, wouldn’t it have been easier just to let Mr. Burns in on the game?" Balki asks.  "You can’t play with four," Larry insists, "The teams would be uneven."  Harriette appears at the doorway, warning them, "Psst!  He’s coming down the hall!"  "Well, stall him a minute!" Larry asks.  "Wait a minute," Balki says, "I thought you said you couldn’t play with four."  "Well, she’s not playing she’s . . . an alternate," Larry explains.  Larry replaces Mr. Burns’ nameplate with his own and sits in the chair at the desk.

Harriette opens the door and sees in Billy, saying, "Mr. Appleton to see you, Mr. Appleton."  Billy is a taller, blonde good-looking man in a nice suit.  Larry gets up to greet Billy, saying, "Billy!"  "Larry!" Billy calls!  They stand for a moment as if they might hug, then settle for a handshake.  Harriette leans close to Larry and says, "I hope you got the brains!"  She eyes Billy and hums to herself in a "He’s fine!" kind of way before exiting.  Billy closes the door behind her and says to Larry, "Ah, you look good!  Put on a little weight."  "Well, success’ll do that!" Larry counters.  "Yeah, don’t I know?" Billy adds, patting his own stomach.  Balki stands looking at them from the other side of the room.  Billy spots him and says, "You must be Balki!"  Balki hurries across the room and hugs Billy tightly, saying, "Cousin Billy!  I’m so glad to meet you!  You know, if there’s anything at all that you need . . . socks, deodorant, toenail clipper . . . don’t hesitate to say the word because any brother of Cousin Larry’s is a cousin of mine!"  Billy pats Balki’s shoulder and smiles, saying, "Okay."

"So, come on in!  Sit down!" Larry invites Billy, who sits on the edge of the desk as Larry sits behind it and Balki takes a chair in front, "So, uh . . . Billy!  What do you think of my office?"  "It’s nice!" Billy offers, "It’s almost as big as my office in London."  "You think this is big?" Balki says, "You should see Cousin Larry’s other office!  It’s as big as a basement!"  "You have two offices?" Billy asks, impressed.  "Well, they treat me pretty while," Larry smiles.  "Pretty well?" Balki asks, "Pretty well?  They treat this man as if he were Prince Valium!  After all, he is the youngest publisher in Chicago!"  "Balki . . . " Larry says in warning, realizing Balki is going too far with the bragging.  "I thought you were city editor," Billy notes.  "Well, I am . . . " Larry starts, trying to think how to explain this.  "Oh Cousin, I didn’t tell you!" Balki interrupts, "While you were having breakfast with Ted Koppel, you got a promotion!"  "But I haven’t accepted yet," Larry is quick to add.

Billy picks up the picture of Jennifer from Larry’s desk and asks, "Wow, who is this?  Don’t tell me this is the lady in your life!"  "Lady in his life?" Balki asks in exaggeration, "Lady in his life?  Lady in his life???  Ha!  What was the question?"  "Who is this?" Billy asks again.  "Oh, that’s Jennifer," Balki answers, "She just happens to be Cousin Larry’s fiancee and a former Miss Costa Rica."  Billy studies the picture as Balki laughs to himself, enjoying the game.  "Listen, uh . . . we’re gonna be late," Larry comments, walking to the door, "Um, my car’s in the shop so we’re gonna have to take a cab."  "Okay," Billy says, following Larry.  "Oh Cousin, why don’t we just hop in your helicopter?" Balki asks, getting up.  "Helicopter?" Billy asks.  "Oh well, we can’t use it, it’s just a two-seater," Larry explains.  Billy walks out the door and Balki follows behind him as Larry holds the door open, swatting Balki on the back of the head as he exits and giving him a look of reproach as they exit the office.

Act two begins as Larry and Balki return to the Chronicle’s basement, Balki laughing as they enter.  "Cousin, what a great game!  You should really call Parker Brothers and ask them if they want to make a home version of Appleton’s Snow Job."  "Balki . . . " Larry tries to begin, looking serious.  "Did you see Cousin Billy’s face when I told him that NASA wants you to be the first journalist on the moon?" Balki laughs.  "Balki . . . . "  "Cousin, question . . . if Cousin Billy is on his way to the airport, when are you going to tell him that we fooled him so that we can all have the laugh riot of our lives?" Balki continues to laugh, as Larry looks more concerned.  "Balki . . . I’ve got to tell you the truth."  "What?"  "There’s no such game as Appleton’s Snow Job, I made it all up."

Balki laughs even harder.  "Go on with you, your crazy son of a goat you!  It’s got to be a game otherwise what is it?  It’s just a big pack of lies!"  "Well, I wouldn’t call it a big pack of lies," Larry tries.  Balki looks shocked.  "You lied to me!" he gasps, "You lied to Cousin Billy!  You made me lie to Cousin Billy!"  Thinking, Balki adds, "Have I left anything out?"  "Balki, I’m sorry," Larry offers, "I shouldn’t have dragged you into this.  It’s just I couldn’t let Billy know I’m not as successful as he is."  "Well, Cousin, you just got to tell Cousin Billy the truth," Balki insists.  "And I will!" Larry assures him.  "You will?"  "I will!"  "You will?"  "I will!"  "When?" Balki asks.  "The very next time I see him!" Larry answers.  "Well, I should hope so!" Balki says.  "Unfortunately, that could be two or three years," Larry points out, "Until then I’ll just have to bear the burden of my guilt."  Larry looks not very sincerely guilty as the phone rings and he picks it up.  "Appleton!  What??  No, that’s wonderful news!  Yeah, sure!  Yeah.  Bye bye!"  Larry hangs up the phone, looking worried.  "Who was that?" Balki asks.  "Billy," Larry answers, "His flight got cancelled.  He’s gonna spend the night with us."  "Lucky break, huh?" Balki asks smugly.

That evening at the apartment, Balki opens the door and looks inside.  "Well?" he asks, seeing Larry and stepping inside, "Did you tell Cousin Billy the truth?"  "I told Billy everything he needs to know and more," Larry assures Balki.  "Oh Cousin," Balki sighs, "I’m so proud of you.  Don’t you feel good?"  "Never felt better," Larry smiles, "In fact, Billy and I are going to go out to dinner, you know, tell some more . . . truth.  So, why don’t you go up to Jennifer and Mary Anne’s?  I think they have some fresh popcorn!"  Larry tries to hurry Balki out of the apartment when Billy comes out of Larry’s bedroom, asking, "Larry, does Balki have a lint brush?  Oh hi, Balki!"  "Hi, Cousin Billy," Balki offers.  "Hey, this is a nice little place you have here," Billy says, "Do you have a lint brush?"  "Uh yes," Balki thinks, "In my lint drawer."  "Ah . . . I didn’t know, I should have looked there first," Billy says, then adds, "Listen, I just want to let you know how much I appreciate you putting us up while Larry’s getting his townhouse remodeled.  Thanks!"  Billy slaps Balki’s arm and walks back into Larry’s bedroom.

Balki turns to Larry in shock.  "Well, you big fat liar," Balki scolds, "You didn’t tell him the truth!  You let me walk around the block in the cold, freezing my buttocks off for an hour, so that you could tell him about your alleged townhouse?  What?  Is your conscience broken?  If Jiminy Cricket were here he’d puke in his hat!"  "Balki, try to understand!  For the first time Billy is treating me with respect!" Larry points out.  "Oh!" Balki sneers, making a spitting motion, "I’m gonna go tell Cousin Billy the truth!"  Balki starts for the bedroom but Larry grabs his shoulders and pulls him back saying, "You can’t!"  "Why not?" Balki asks.  "This is between two brothers and lies between brothers are sacred!" Larry tries.  "Cousin, would you listen to yourself?" Balki asks, "Why are you so afraid to tell Cousin Billy the truth?  He’s just like you!  He put his pants on one leg at a time!"  Billy walks out of the bedroom wearing a tuxedo and looking sharp.  "Just that he does it so much more effectively," Balki adds.

"Well, I hope I’m not overdressed," Billy comments.  Balki and Larry look down at the casual clothes they’re wearing.  "Oh darn, I left my tuxedo at the townhouse," Larry sighs, "But uh . . . no problem.  We’ll just go someplace that’s tuxedo optional.  Bye, Balki!"  "Wait wait wait, Cousin, Cousin, Cousin," Balki stops them, "What’s the hurry?  Listen, you don’t want to eat on an empty stomach.  Come and sit down, let’s have a nice little talk."  He leads them over to the couch and sits between them.  "You know, on Mypos we have a ritual.  When two brothers have not seen each other for a long time they have to sit and listen to the story of The Brothers Zakibatbat."  Balki begins his story, directing it mostly at Larry.  "Long, long ago on an island far, far away there lived the Brothers Zakibatbat; Mooki and Gringki.  And when they were little boys they loved each other.  And then they grew up and Mooki had everything that a man could want.  He had a fine farm, and wonderful family and friends that were super.  But Mooki was sulky because his brother Gringki had a bigger farm and a more wonderful family and friends that were just a little more super."  "Well, that story made me hungry!" Larry interrupts, "Let’s go eat!"  "Okay!" Billy agrees and they both start to get up, but Balki continues, undaunted, until they both sit back down.  "Envy ate at Mooki’s heart. It gnawed and burrowed like an aphid in a rosebud.

"Mooki decided that he would try to appear to be better than Gringki by lying.  If Gringki had a ram, Mooki said he had two rams.  If Gringki had a fine horse, Mooki said he had a BMW.  This went on for years.  Mooki piled lie upon lie and the ditch between them grew wider and wider.  One day, Mooki looked up and he was old and lonely.  And he looked into his heart and he realized that what he wanted most in the world was a brother to love.  And he told to himself, ‘I will tell Gringki the truth and then we can love each other again.’  So he began the long journey to Gringki’s house and it was difficult for an old man but he didn’t know this because the thought of holding Gringki in his arms again carried him forward.  When he got to Gringki’s house . . . it was too late.  Gringki had died.  And Mooki realized that a man who lives with lies lives alone."

Moved nearly to tears, Larry finally says, "Billy . . . . "  "I can’t take it any more!" Billy cries, burying his face in his hands, much to Balki and Larry’s surprise, "I don’t want to end up like Mooki!"  "Billy?" Larry asks.  "It’s lies!  It’s all lies!" Billy admits, "I don’t own a company, I don’t even have a jet.  It’s a rented tuxedo.  Cufflinks are mine."  "Very nice," Balki notes, "Understated . . . "  "But, all the fancy addresses . . . Monte Carlo, Rio, Palm Beach!" Larry states.  "I’m a travel agent," Billy admits, "I get deals."  "You . . . you mean you’ve lied to me all these years?" Larry gasps.  "I know it was wrong, I’m sorry," Billy offers.  "Oh, don’t feel bad Cousin Billy," Balki offers, then looks at Larry and adds, "Please.  I think Cousin Larry has something to say to you.  Don’t you, Cousin Larry?"  "Yes, of course I do," Larry agrees, "Billy . . . Billy . . . I forgive you."  "Thank you, thank you," Billy says sincerely.

Balki gives Larry a look of disbelief, wiping the grin off Larry’s face.  "Cousin . . . don’t you have a little bit more you want to say to Cousin Billy?"  "Billy, look," Larry says, "there’s nothing to forgive or be ashamed of.  I’ve been doing the same thing."  "You’re a travel agent?" Billy asks.  "No, no!" Larry says, "I mean I’ve lied!  I’m not the city editor at the paper, I don’t own a townhouse.  Jennifer and I aren’t engaged.  But she does like me!"  "Larry, why would you lie to me?" Billy asks.  "Are you kidding?" Larry asks, "All my life I’ve had to live up to you.  Billy, the great athlete . . . Billy, the most popular guy at school . . . I got tired of mom and dad always saying ‘Why can’t you be more like your brother Billy?’"  "Well, how do you think I liked it when they kept saying ‘Why can’t you be more like your brother Larry?  Look how good his grades are . . . look how neat he keeps his room . . . look how well he irons.’"  "Gosh," Larry sighs, "All this time we’ve been resenting each other when we should have been resenting mom and dad!"

"Look, Larry, let’s just start all over again, all right?" Billy suggests, "Let’s stop all this lying and be good brothers."  "I’d like that," Larry nods.  "Me, too," Billy agrees.  They reach to shake hands with each other then stop, stand up and hug instead.  After a lengthy embrace they part to see that Balki is now crying.  They sit down to comfort him as Balki sobs, "That was beautiful!  You know, I think someday you both are going to look back on this and realize that this was the moment you really became brothers.  That this was the moment you really stepped in something good."

Script Variations:
There are some differences between the second draft script dated December 4, 1987 and the aired episode:
- When Balki is telling Larry about Brother Billy coming he just says, "Cousin Billy's flying in from Paris.  He said he will only be in town for a couple of hours, but he thinks he can squeeze us in for lunch.  What a brother.  I can't wait to meet him."  After Larry explains to Lydia and Harriette that his brother is successful, Lydia does not say, "Oh, I hate that!"  After Larry tells them that he's done a little bragging of his own about being city editor of the Chronicle, Harriette comments, "Whoa, baby.  You say bragging but you mean lying."  Lydia points out that Billy will guess Larry isn't city editor and Larry says, "I know that.  But I think I can fake my brother out for a couple of hours."  (The B alliterations are not in this version).  Lydia replies, "Maybe you can but what about Balki?  He's the most honest person in the free world.  When he says the check is in the mail, the check is in the mail."  "Come on," Larry says, "We're not talking about Abe Lincoln here."  Balki enters and asks "Did anybody lose this dime?"  Harriette and Lydia give Larry looks of concern.
- In this script, Balki doesn't have to cry before Larry agrees to let him play Appleton Snowjob.  "Oh, thank you, Cousin," Balki smiles, "This is going to be so much fun to play 'Appleton Snowjob.'"  He looks worried and asks, "What if it doesn't snow?"  After Balki points out that Mr. Burns always goes to lunch at exactly one o'clock, Larry says, "By golly, you're right.  I didn't think of that.  Then when Billy comes by, his office will be empty."  "But it won't really be empty, will it?" Balki asks, "It will be occupied by 'Larry Appleton, City Editor.'"  Larry looks at Balki and says, "Balki, you've played this game before."  "No, but I'm a fast learner," Balki says modestly.  "You know what will make it more convincing?" Larry asks.  "If you dressed like Mr. Burns?" Balki asks.  Larry then points out the stuff on the counter and sweeps them into his briefcase.  "Wow," Balki gasps, "Cousin, if I didn't know better, I'd think you had this all planned."  "I'm just quick," Larry explains, "If you want to learn to play 'Snowjob' just do what I do."  Larry exits with Balki following and doing exactly what Larry does.
- When they arrive at Mr. Burns office, Mr. Burns is looking at his fish tank.  "Get him," Mr. Burns urges his fish, "Get him.  He's hiding in that little castle."  Mr. Burns thumps the glass with his fingers and says, "There he goes.  He's in the open."  Larry, who is carrying his briefcase, opens the door and enters with Balki behind him.  "Mr. Burns," Larry says with surprise, "What are you doing here?"  "Feeding my fish," Mr. Burns answers, "How long have you been here?"  "We just got here," Larry informs him.  "Good," Mr. Burns sighs, "In that case, get out."  "I notice you haven't left for lunch yet," Larry says.  "Nothing gets by you, does it, Appleton?" Mr. Burns notes, getting up, "I'm having lunch with my wife.  She's always late."  Balki says quietly to Larry, "Oh, there goes fifty points out the window."  "That's what you think," Larry says to Balki, then tells Mr. Burns, "I saw Mrs. Burns downstairs.  She was nibbling on a rice cake and looked none to happy about it."  "I'm a dead man," Mr. Burns gasps and leaves his office.  Larry then spreads his personal effects around.  The scene plays out the same as in the show except for the end after Balki, Larry and Billy leave.  Mr. Burns enters through the other door and goes to his desk to pick up his keys.  He sees the picture of Jennifer on his desk, looks around and then slips it into his desk drawer.
- After they leave Billy, Balki is laughing about what a great game "Appleton Snowjob" is and asks, "Do you think I went too far when I said Michigan Avenue is being renamed Appleton Way?"  "No, I think you went too far when you told Billy I was going to be the first journalist in space," Larry answers.  When Balki realizes Larry has made him lie he says, "You made me lie to Cousin Billy.  I've never met him before and the first thing I do is lie to him?"  After Billy calls and Larry tells Balki that Billy's flight has been cancelled and he'll be spending the night, Balki says, "Cousin, this is your lucky day.  You won't have to wait two or three years after all.  Instead of going home with you I'll stop and pick up some crackers and cheese whiz and that will give you a chance to be alone with Billy and tell him you're a big fat liar."  "Ah.  Crackers, cheese whiz and humiliation," Larry sighs, "A perfect evening."  "Don't mention it," Balki replies.
- At the apartment, Larry is drinking antacid when there is a knock at the front door.  As Larry goes to answer it, Billy sticks his head out of Larry's bedroom door.  "Does Balki have any shoe trees?" Billy asks.  "No, he doesn't," Larry answers.  "Damn," Billy swears and goes back into the bedroom.  Larry opens the door and Jennifer is there, dressed casually.  "Jennifer, what are you doing here?" Larry asks.  "You invited me," Jennifer reminds him, " You said come over Thursday night.  We'll rent a movie and have some popcorn."  "Oh, you thought I meant this Thursday," Larry fibs, "I meant next Thursday.  Mistake.  See ya."  Before Larry can close the door, Billy comes out of the bedroom.  "Hey, Larry, does Balki have any pants hangers?" Billy asks.  "Closet," Larry answers quickly, "Right side.  Top shelf."  But Billy sees Jennifer and says, "Oh, hi."  Jennifer sees Billy and is awestruck.  "Hi," Jennifer says.  "Jennifer, this is my brother, Billy," Larry says.  Remembering that Balki had said Jennifer was Miss Costa Rica, Billy asks "Como esta usted?"  "Your brother's Spanish?" Jennifer asks.  "Well, Jennifer, hasta luego.  Vaya con Dios and . . . tostada grande," Larry says quickly, closing the door.  "Bye," Jennifer manages to say before Larry gets it shut.  "She's a little nervous," Larry explains, "She's not used to being out without a chaperone.  You know the Costa Ricans."  "She's beautiful," Billy comments, "You're doing okay."  Billy heads back to the bedroom.  "Hey, if I'd have known you were going to be in town, I could have gotten you a date with one of my old girlfriends."  This is when Balki enters.
- After Billy thanks Balki for letting him stay with him while Larry's townhouse is being remodeled, Larry says, "Well, I can always count on Balki.  How about I take us all out to a really fancy dinner?  I mean you're only going to be here one night.  Let's do it right."  Billy says, "Great.  I'll change," and goes back to the bedroom.  Instead of saying the Jiminy Cricket line, Balki says, "Cousin, you didn't tell him the truth.  You didn't even tell me the truth when you told me you'd tell him the truth.  If this was 60 Minutes, you'd be sweating bullets."  After Billy comes out in the tuxedo and says he hopes he's not overdressed he adds, "This is standard dinner attire in Monte Carlo."  To stop them, Balki says, "Wait, wait.  What's the hurry?  I have crackers.  I have cheese whiz.  But before the snacks . . . "  This is when Balki tells them that on Mypos it's a ritual for brothers who haven't seen each other in a long time to do the story of the Brothers Kazanzakis (not Zakibatbat).  Larry says, "But we're not on Mypos, so let's go."  Balki moves Larry and Billy to the couch, saying, "Of course I could tell the story of a little boy with no upper lip at all who got caught telling whoppers," Balki threatens.  "Well, I guess we do have time for one Mypos story," Larry gives in.  The brothers first names are Philos and Nikos.
- After Billy and Larry have confessed they've been lying, Larry says, "Jennifer and I are not engaged.  But she does like me.  At least she did till I threw her out of the apartment."  After Larry and Billy hug, Balki stands up and hugs both of them.  "You know I think one day you'll both look back on this moment and realize this was when you really became brothers," Balki notes, "Now why don't we all go have dinner?"  Larry confesses, "I spent all my money on lunch."  "I spent all my money on this tuxedo," Billy admits.  "Well, no problem," Balki says, "I could defrost some pig's snout.  It's always better the second night."  Billy quickly says, "Well, actually I have enough money for hot dogs."  "I think I could probably scrape up some change," Larry agrees, and the two start emptying their pockets onto the table.

Continue on to the next episode . . .