PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE

EPISODE 45 - Pipe Dreams

First Air Date: March 4, 1988
Filmed on: December 22, 1987
Nielsen Rating: 14.2 HH

TV Guide Description: Larry's in hot water for presuming that the manly way to impress Jennifer is to fix the plumbing in her apartment by himself, rather than call a plumber.

Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Bob Keyes
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode.

Balki-isms:
"Because when it comes to plumbing, you don’t know Bo Diddley."

Don’t be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Jerk!"
"Balki, Balki, Balki . . . "
"I don’t know."
Balki’s "Huh?"
"Yes it is."
"Well . . . . . "

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry does something really stupid to try to impress Jennifer
Larry nods knowingly at Balki, suggesting some innuendo, and Balki will nod and play along until he admits he doesn’t know what they’re talking about
Larry asks Balki how many times he’s done something with Balki finally admitting to none, leading Larry to say, "None, as in zero, as in never ever have you . . . . " then goes on to explain why he’s more qualified to do it his way
Balki says Larry is doing something wrong and Larry suggests Balki tell him the right way until Balki admits he doesn’t really know, but knows Larry’s doing it wrong

Interesting facts:
- This episode is considered to be one of the funniest of the entire series by fans, cast and crew alike.  It includes what would prove to be the longest laugh-getter at any filming of the show with the "when I nod my head you hit it" scene.  The audience reaction had to be cut down by quite a bit but actually went on much longer than what is heard on the aired show.
- As Balki walks into the bathroom we can see the same wallpaper pattern on the wall of the hallway that appeared so prevalently in the episode Future Shock.
- The scene of devastation in the girls’ bathroom was filmed the day before the audience filming because of the intricate special effects involved.  The scene was shown to the audience at the filming so their laughs and reactions could be taped.  However the final scene in which the cast are doused on the couch was filmed in front of the studio audience.  For the complete report about the filming of this episode, see our Filming Report.
- Balki’s comment about the Ty-D-Bol Man refers to a series of commercials for Ty-D-Bowl toilet cleaning products, which usually consisted of a bottle placed inside one’s toilet tank. In the commercials a tiny man, known as the Ty-D-Bol man, would ride in a boat inside the toilet tank as he expanded upon the virtues of the product.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- In two consecutive sentences Balki pronounces the word "heard" in two different ways, the first time correctly as "herd" and the second time as "heerd."
- When we see the shower head first fly off the pipe its trajectory is hardly straight enough to realistically fly across the room and break the mirror as it does in the next shot.
- The final scene centers around a bottle of wine which Mary Anne brought back from Paris that they all share, but in the first episode in which Jennifer and Mary Anne appeared, Hunks Like Us, they said they didn’t drink.

Synopsis:
The episode begins in the cousins’ living room.  Balki is vacuuming the couch, taking off the upholstery attachment to use just the plain hose.  Larry comes out of his bedroom, dressed nicely and carrying two different ties, one in each hand.  He stops in front of Balki, holding up the ties.  "Which tie do you think goes best with this shirt?" Larry asks.  Balki thinks for a moment, then motions to the red tie in Larry’s left hand as he says, "I think this one."  Unfortunately he points with the vacuum hose and it promptly sucks the tie up.  After Balki looks embarrassed a moment, he starts to motion to the other tie, saying, "That one’s also nice," but Larry manages to move it away from the vacuum hose in time.

There is a knock on the door.  Balki turns off the vacuum as goes to answer it.  Mary Anne and Jennifer enter, wearing their stewardess uniforms.  "Hi," Jennifer smiles, "We just got a last minute flight assignment to Paris and we need a little favor."  "Name it," Larry says.  "Could you let the plumber in tomorrow?  He’s going to put on that new shower head we bought," Jennifer explains.  Balki starts to answer but Larry interrupts, saying in a somewhat macho voice, "Hey . . . consider it done."  Jennifer hands Balki a piece of paper, saying, "Here’s the plumber’s phone number.  Now, you have to call him to confirm a time."  Larry snatches the piece of paper from Balki’s hand (Balki sucks his finger as if Larry has given him a paper cut with the action) and says, "Don’t worry . . . I’ll handle everything."  "Well, thanks guys," Jennifer offers, "We’ve gotta run, there’s a cab waiting."  Larry wishes them goodbye and they leave, Balki closing the door behind them.

"I’ll call the plumber," Larry says, and walks to the telephone on the kitchen counter as Balki returns to the vacuum cleaner.  "Hello, is this Pipe Dreams Plumbing?" Larry asks into the phone, "Yes, I’m calling on behalf of Ms. Jennifer Lyons.  Uh yes, I’d like to cancel that appointment."  Balki looks at Larry with surprise.  "No, I’m going to be doing it myself."  Balki’s eyes open even wider.  "No, you can’t invite all your friends over to watch," Larry continues, hanging up the phone and sighing, "Jerk!"  Balki walks over to Larry and says, "Uh, Cousin . . . I’m sure I’m wrong but I could have sworn that I heard you call and cancel the plumber."  "I did," Larry confirms.  "I see," Balki hums, "Well, I’m very sure I’m wrong but I could have sworn that I heard you tell the plumber you were going to put on the shower head yourself."  "I am," Larry confirms.  "I see," Balki continues, "Well, in that case, may I invite my friends over to watch?  Because when it comes to plumbing, you don’t know Bo Diddley."

"Balki, this is nothing to do with plumbing," Larry says knowingly, "Jennifer wasn’t asking me to call a plumber, she was asking me to come to her rescue."  Balki looks confused, saying, "I could have sworn she asked you to call a plumber."  "Those were her words but her eyes were saying ‘Help me!’" Larry explains.  "No, I think her eyes were saying ‘Call a plumber!’" Balki contradicts.  "Balki, Balki, Balki . . . " Larry sighs, "It’s what women do!  They pretend to be helpless so their man can come to the rescue.  When Jennifer gets back and finds out her man has handled it I’ll be a hero and she will want to thank me.  Hmm?"  Larry starts nodding knowingly at Balki, who nods back, and they share a few knowing looks and laughs.  "Are we still talking about plumbing?" Balki finally asks.

In the evening Larry is upstairs in Jennifer and Mary Anne’s bathroom.  He is standing in the bathtub and trying to unscrew the shower head from the pipe by hand with no success.  He reaches into a toolbox that’s sitting on the toilet and pulls out a wrench.  He clamps this onto the pipe (way behind the shower head) and starts trying to turn it, but it doesn’t budge.  Larry pulls on it until his feet leave the ground and he’s actually hanging by the wrench from the pipe.  Balki walks in and surveys the scene, finally asking, "Cousin, can I offer you anything?  A tool?  A ladder?  A can of WD-40?"  "I’m fine!  I’m doing fine!" Larry insists.

Balki steps into the bathtub and tries again.  "Cousin . . . I hope you’ll accept this in the spirit in which it’s given but as far as I can see you seem to have absolutely no idea what you’re doing."  "What are you talking about?" Larry asks.  "I think you’re doing it completely wrong," Balki continues.  "Oh you do?" Larry asks.  "Yes, I do," Balki agrees.  Larry removes the wrench from the pipe and confronts Balki.  "Balki . . . how many showers are there on Mypos?"  "None . . . it’s an island," Balki answers.  "And how many shower heads have you replaced?" Larry asks.  "Well, I . . . "  "How many?  How many?  How many shower heads?  How many shower heads have you replaced?"  "None," Balki answers.  "None, as in zero, as in never ever have you replaced a shower head?" Larry demands.  "That is correct," Balki admits.

"I see," Larry continues, "and yet you are telling me, someone who has been around showers for over a quarter of a century that I am doing it wrong?"  "That is correct," Balki nods.  "Well, perhaps you’d like to tell me the right way?" Larry suggests.  "Yes, I would," Balki agrees.  "Would you?"  "Yes, I would!"  "Would you?"  "I would!"  "What is the right way?" Larry asks.  "I don’t know," Balki admits, "but I just know you’re doing it the wrong way.  Cousin, what did the directions say?"  "Directions?" Larry asks, "I threw them out.  My father has made it through his whole life without ever reading a set of directions.  He once re-wired the entire house without directions."  "Isn’t that the house that burned to the ground?" Balki asks.  "They never proved it was the wiring!" Larry says defensively, "Now are you going to be a friend or are you going to stand there and insult my family?"  Balki thinks about it then smiles teasingly, "Oh Cousin, all right.  What you want me to do?"

"Just help me with this!" Larry asks, handing Balki the wrench as he moves to the toolbox and pulls out a hammer.  "That’s a hammer," Balki points out.  "Very good," Larry says sarcastically.  "I don’t believe I’ve ever heard the hammer referred to as the plumber’s helper," Balki adds.  "It was in my house!" Larry counters.  He hands Balki the hammer and takes the wrench back, placing the wrench onto the pipe again, then says, "I’ll hold the wrench, you’ve got the hammer . . . when I nod my head you hit it."  Balki stares at Larry incredulously.  "Come again?" he asks.  "When I nod my head you hit it," Larry repeats.  Balki is appalled, saying, "I can’t do that!"  "Balki, don’t make this complicated," Larry sighs, "I’ll hold the wrench, you’ve got the hammer . . . when I nod my head you hit it . . . you hit it!"  Balki starts to cry, clutching the hammer nervously.  "Now do you understand?" Larry asks.  "Yes!" Balki sobs.  "Ready?" Larry asks.  "Yes," Balki sobs again.

Balki steps into position and raises the hammer, his eyes full of tears as he waits for Larry’s cue.  Larry nods and Balki swings the hammer back, aiming at Larry’s head.  Seeing this, Larry cries out "WAIT!"  After a moment, Larry asks, "What are you doing?"  "You said when you nod your head I’m supposed to hit it," Balki says sadly.  "The wrench!  Hit the wrench!" Larry cries, then grabs the hammer away from Balki and looks exasperated, finally saying, "I’ll do it myself."  "Good!  Because I’m emotionally drained!" Balki sighs, turning away and looking emotional.  Larry stands on the edges of the tub and proceeds to hit the wrench with the hammer, causing the pipe to break cleanly in two.  Larry steps down and he and Balki stare at the broken pipe in the wrench.  "The pipe broke, huh?" Balki asks.  "Yes, it did," Larry admits.  Balki then reaches over and easily unscrews the shower head from the broken pipe, much to Larry’s chagrin.

Act two begins the next day with a close up of the newly installed shower head.  "You see?  Balki, we did it," Larry says in voice over.  We then see Balki and Larry standing in the bathtub, looking dirty and disheveled while the bathroom is a complete shambles.  Huge chunks of tile have been smashed out of the walls and debris lays all around.  "All it took was good ol’ American ingenuity," Larry continues, "a little dedication . . . . "  "And twenty three straight hours of hard work," Balki adds as they sit down on the edge of the tub.  He looks around worriedly, sighing, "Boy Cousin . . . this place looks like the Ty-D-Bol Man went berserk."  "You want to make an omelette, you have to break some eggs," Larry comments, "A few cans of spackle and you’ll never know we’ve been here."  Balki eyes the walls again and then gazes at Larry in wonder, remarking, "Boy, this spackle must be amazing stuff!"  "Yes, it is," Larry answers.

"Well, what do you say we button this job up?" Larry asks as he stands up, "Jennifer and Mary Anne will be back tonight!"  As they stand, Balki finds a very long pipe with a valve on it lying on the floor.  "Cousin . . . where does this go?"  Balki and Larry both look at the shower and tub then turn back to the pipe.  "Trash," Larry finally answers.  Balki tosses the pipe aside with a loud clank.  "Well, I think we’re ready to test this baby," Larry announces, and they turn to the shower, which Larry turns on.  There is the growing sound of water building up in the pipe and then the shower head flies off the pipe riding on a spray of water and flies across the bathroom to crash into the mirror above the sink, shattering it and sending water shooting all over the mirror and sink.

Larry and Balki share a look, then Larry tries to turn off the water but both of the faucets come off in his hands.  "It’s broken!" Larry cries.  "Nooooo!" Balki says sarcastically.  Larry tosses the faucets aside and he and Balki jump into the tub and try to hold the water coming out of the pipe back with their hands.  Suddenly the faucets burst off the sink and water spurts out of the two openings.  "Well, do something!" Larry cries to Balki.  Balki runs over to the sink and sticks his fingers into the holes to stop the water.  Water then bursts out of the toilet in a geyser.  "Don’t look at me!" Balki cries.  "Find the turnoff valve!" Larry cries.  "I think it’s underneath the sink!" Balki calls.  "Then turn it off!" Larry yells, "Turn it off!"  Balki is trying to pull his fingers out of the faucet holes but they’re stuck.  "Cousin, I can’t, my fingers are stuck!" Balki cries, "Go on without me, Cousin, save yourself!"

Larry releases the shower pipe, which then squirts Balki on the back as Larry hurries over to help him pull his fingers out of the faucet holes.  Having done this, Larry sits Balki down on the toilet, which is still spraying water (much to Balki’s apparent pleasure).  Larry then moves Balki to sit on the edge of the tub as he opens the doors of the cabinet beneath the sink and they are soaked with the cascade of water which comes out. Larry reaches underneath and finally manages to turn off the water.  The cousins sit in the flooded bathroom, exhausted and shocked, debris floating everywhere.  "Well . . . . " Larry finally sighs.

That night Balki and Larry are standing in their living room waiting for the girls to arrive.  "Cousin, what if the shower head comes off again?" Balki asks.  "Everything is fine," Larry assures him, "Believe me . . . when Jennifer gets here and starts gushing with gratitude it will all be worth it.  To me, anyway.  If you’re interested, I’ll throw a little of the credit your way."  "No, Cousin, I want you to have all the credit," Balki insists.  "Suit yourself!" Larry sighs.  There is a knock at the door.  "That’s the girls," Larry says, "Feel free to take notes!"  Larry smugly goes to answer the door.

"Hi guys!" Mary Anne says as she walks in the door carrying a bottle, "We brought some wine from Paris!  It’s imported!"  Larry takes the bottle and looks at it.  "But uh . . . this is a California wine," Larry notes.  "Well, in Paris they said it was imported!" Mary Anne explains.  "I tried to tell her," Jennifer says to Larry, then adds, "Larry, thanks for letting the plumber in.  That shower massage felt great after a long flight!"  Larry eyes Balki with an "I told you so!" look which Balki makes Balki have a look of disgust as he takes the wine from him.  "It wasn’t the plumber who eased those sore aching muscles, Jennifer," Larry says, "I replaced the shower head myself."  "Oh," Jennifer says, then sighs, "Well, whatever!" and walks over to the coffee table to set the tray of snacks down that she brought.  "No need to take notes!" Balki comments, walking to the kitchen to set the wine down.

Larry follows Balki, saying, "The woman just got off a plane!  Give her a chance to adjust to the time zone and the girl will gush with gratitude, guaranteed!"  They walk over to the couch to join the girls.  "You know, Jennifer," Larry begins, "Felt good getting my hands on the ol’ monkey wrench again.  I forgot how much I enjoyed it!"  "Well, I’m happy for you Larry," Jennifer offers.  "Listen, I hope we didn’t make too much of a mess up in your bathroom," Balki says.  "Well, how much of a mess can you make changing a shower head?" Mary Anne asks.  "Oh, you’d be surprised!" Balki laughs nervously.  "What Balki means is that even the simplest of home repairs can be tough if someone doesn’t know what he’s doing," Larry comments.  "Take it from Cousin Larry!" Balki laughs to himself.  "Well, it must give you a real sense of security knowing there’s a man around in case there’s a crisis," Larry continues.  "Or in case you want a crisis!" Balki laughs under his breath.

"Balki," Larry says.  "Yes?" Balki answers.  "Don’t you think you should pour the wine?" Larry asks.  "Good idea, Cousin," Balki agrees, "Better me than you!"  Balki gets up and walks to then kitchen, still laughing.  "You know, it’s weird," Mary Anne begins, "I could have sworn when we left our bathroom tile was green and now it’s blue."  Larry fidgets with his tie as he explains, "Well, sometimes even the simplest thing like a new shower head can change a whole look of a bathroom."  As they continue to talk we see Balki has poured the red wine and is carrying four filled glasses to the couch when water starts dripping from the ceiling in front of him.  He starts catching the water in one of the glasses as he tries to get Larry’s attention, but Larry ignores him, bragging about how his father once re-wired their whole house.

Another leak springs out to Balki’s left and he tries to catch that as well.  Then a third one starts closer to the couch and Balki walks over to try to catch that one instead.  "Cousin!" Balki urges.  "Balki, I’m in the middle of a story," Larry insists.  Just as Larry finally turns to look at the Balki the leak stops and all Larry sees is Balki holding a glass of wine out.  He gets up and takes it from Balki as the leak starts again.  While Larry doesn’t notice, Balki uses each glass in succession to try to catch the leak as Larry then takes the glass from him and hands it to the girls.  Larry gets his own glass and shakes his hand when he realizes it is somehow wet.  The girls and Larry toast, then Larry clinks the glass Balki is still using the catch the leak without looking.  Larry takes a sip and comments, "Lovely rosé."  "That’s funny . . . it wasn’t rosé when I bought it!" Mary Anne says.

"Um, Cousin," Balki says, finally getting Larry’s attention, "We seem to have sprung a little leak!"  "Oh my goodness!" Jennifer says as they all stand up.  "All right, don’t worry," Larry insists, running to the fireplace to get a metal container, "No need to panic!"  "Well, shouldn’t we call the landlord?" Mary Anne asks.  Larry brings the container over and sets it down under the leak to catch the water, which eventually stops dripping.  "There!  Whatever it was, it stopped," Larry smiles, "Now come on!"  He encourages everyone to sit back down on the couch, "Let’s not let a leaky roof ruin a beautiful evening.  Remember, into every life a little rain must fall."  As they sit together, another leak starts in front of them, landing in the wine glass on the coffee table.  Slowly they all look up.  "Isn’t our bathroom right up there?" Jennifer asks.  Balki and Larry slowly look at each other, just as the ceiling above them gives way and a ton of water falls right on top of them, drenching all four, Balki and Larry in particular.

Some time later we are back in the apartment and a wet Balki is on the phone holding a notepad and pencil.  "Well, that depends on what you plumbers call an emergency," Balki says, "Did you see The Poseidon Adventure?"  Larry is standing with the girls at the front door, all of them with towels around their shoulders.  "Larry, I still don’t understand why you tried to fix it yourself," Jennifer sighs.  "I thought that’s what you wanted," Larry sighs.  "I just wanted you to call the plumber," Jennifer explains, "Seemed so simple."  Balki walks up to them, saying, "Cousin, the plumber’s on his way . . . he said to have your checkbook ready plus any CDs that might have matured."  "C’mon, Jennifer, we better go upstairs and wait for him," Mary Anne sighs.  The girls say goodbye and leave.

Larry closes the door behind them, as Balki walks to the couch.  "Balki, why do I do this?" Larry asks, walking across the room with his shoes squishing at every step, "Why didn’t I just call the plumber in the first place? "  "Well, Cousin, you . . . "  "Or after the pipe broke?  Why didn’t I realize it?"  "Well, because, you know . . . . "  "Or after the toilet exploded," Larry continues, "What does it take?  What is the matter . . . what is wrong with me?"  "Well, Cousin, you know, part of the problem is you tend to ask questions and then not wait for the answers," Balki explains.  "Balki, how did I let things go so far?" Larry asks.  "Well, you know, Cousin, you sometimes get an idea in your head and then you just won’t let it go.  You remind me of this dog I used to know on Mypos.  He was always chasing his tail and then one day he caught it and . . . spun himself to death.  It wasn’t a pretty sight."

"Well, I guess I do get carried away sometimes," Larry whines as Balki rolls his eyes, "I just thought that if I could do it myself Jennifer would be impressed."  "Cousin, listen," Balki begins, "Jennifer likes you for what you are and you want her to like you for what you are not."  "Well, I figured if she thought I was a macho, handy, take charge kind of guy she’d like me even more," Larry explains.  "Cousin, listen to me," Balki urges, "Jennifer doesn’t want a macho, handy, take charge kind of guy, she wants you!"  The episode ends off Larry’s startled look.

Background Information:
This episode marked Perfect Strangers big move to Friday night at 8:00 p.m.  Since the show had helped launch a successful Wednesday night lineup for ABC, the network hoped the show would do the same for Fridays.  Not only did this prove to be a successful move, but it would directly lead to the creation of Thank Goodness It’s Funny, or TGIF, a two hour block of comedies that became a staple for many television viewers through the early 1990's.  Pipe Dreams was specifically chosen to be the first episode shown at this new day and time, since it was considered to be so good.

Script Variations:
There are some differences between the revised first draft script dated December 17, 1987 and the aired episode:
- When Jennifer and Mary Anne first enter, Mary Anne says, "Balki, thank goodness you're here.  Jennifer and I need a favor."  "Mary Anne, for you I would lay face down on the ice and let Torvill and Dean do Bolero across my back," Balki answers.  "Is that a yes?" Mary Anne asks.  "That's a definite yes," Larry explains, "Now, what can we do for you?"  "We just got a last minute flight assignment and we need you to let the plumber in tomorrow," Jennifer answers, "He's going to put on a new shower head.  I called him two months ago and I'm afraid to reschedule."  Larry gets all macho and says, 'Well, I'll be more than happy to help you out little lady."  "Does this mean you won't be able to come over for dinner Sunday?" Balki asks.  "Oh, no," Mary Anne replies, "We'll be back in plenty of time.  I'm looking forward to trying your pig snout almondine."  Larry notices Jennifer's expression and says, "We're having other things, too."  Jennifer gives Larry the plumber's phone number and Larry says he'll handle everything.  Mary Anne asks, "Balki, will you feed Bernard for me?"  "Don't you worry about Bernard," Balki assures her, "Any fish of yours is a friend of mine."
- After Larry cancels the plumber Balki asks him what he knows about plumbing.  "Balki, this has nothing to do with plumbing," Larry replies.  "Well of course it doesn't.  Don't be ridiculous," Balki agrees, then asks, "What does it have to do with?"  "It has to do with men and women," Larry answers, "Jennifer wasn't asking me to call a plumber.  She was asking me to come to her rescue."  "Boy, I think I should send for a transcript of what just happened," Balki says, "I could have sworn she asked you to call a plumber."  Larry says the line about her eyes saying "help me" and Balki responding that her eyes were saying to "call the plumber."  "Balki, Balki, Balki," Larry sighs, "it's what women do.  They pretend to be helpless so their man can come to the rescue."  "It's funny," Balki says, "On Mypos they just ask."  "Balki, American women are different.  More complicated.  They like their men strong, courageous and able to read their minds," Larry notes.  "Cousin, I hate to burst your blister but, when it comes to plumbing you don't know babasticki."  "What's to know?" Larry asks, "You unscrew the old showerhead, you screw the new one on."  "Cousin, you have trouble changing a light bulb," Balki points out.
- When Larry is trying to remove the old shower head Balki enters and says, "Well, Bernard just chowed down.  How's it going in here?"  "Great.  Fine.  Couldn't be better," Larry assures him, strained from the effort.  "Cousin, pardon me for stating the obvious," Balki begin.  "Balki, why is it every time you state the obvious it's criticism?"  "This isn't criticism," Balki answers, "I just think you're doing it wrong."
- After Larry says he threw out the directions, Balki says, "Let me guess.  This is another thing American women expect their man to do."  After talking about the Appleton house that burned to the ground, Larry says, "All I need is a little leverage here."  This is when he hangs onto the wrench and lifts his feet out of the tub.  "I hate to state the obvious," Balki says.  "Then don't," Larry suggests.  After Larry pulls out the hammer and Balki points out that he's never heard of the hammer referred to as a plumber's helper, Larry says, "I'm going to tap on the wrench handle with the hammer.  Thus loosening the shower head.  I've seen my father use this technique a million times."  After Larry breaks the pipe with the hammer, Balki says, "I hate to state the obvious . . . "  "Balki, never state the obvious to a man with a hammer," Larry points out.  "Point well taken," Balki agrees.  (Note that the entire sequence with the "when I nod my head, you hit it" is not in this early version)
- After Larry says the spare piece of pipe is trash he adds, "They always give you spare parts."  After Larry turns on the shower and the shower head shoots across the room Balki notes, "Water pressure seems to be fine."  After the bathroom is a complete disaster and they are sitting in the flooded room, Larry says, "Well."  Balki adds, "You make one heck of an omelette."
- The next scene finds the Cousins preparing for their romantic dinner with Jennifer and Mary Anne.  "Hurry up, Balki," Larry calls, "the girls will be here any minute."  Balki comes out of his room, buttoning his shirt.  "Sorry, Cousin.  It took a while to get the spackle out from under my fingernails."  "Look at the bright side: Now you know how to tile a bathroom," Larry offers.  Larry then talks about Jennifer will gush with gratitude.  Balki worriedly asks, "Cousin, what if the shower head falls off again?"  "Balki, they've been home for an hour," Larry points out, "If something was wrong they would have called us."  Balki gets a look of realization and asks, "What if they're dead?"  "Will you stop?" Larry asks, "Everything is fine.  Listen, I know just what's going to happen.  Jennifer will ask how much the plumber cost.  I'll say 'Nothing.  I did it myself.'  Then she'll start thanking me . . . in her own personal way."
- When the girls come in, Jennifer says, "Sorry we're late.  It took forever to pick out the wine."  Mary Anne hands Balki a bottle of wine and Jennifer explains, "She picks wine by the prettiest label."
- After Balki says "No need to take notes" he adds, "I can remember that."  After Larry suggests Balki go open the wine Balki reaches over and screws the cap off with one motion.  "Why don't you go pour the wine . . . in the glasses . . . in the kitchen," Larry suggests.  "Of course, Cousin," Balki agrees, "but call me when the gratitude starts gushing."
- After Larry says something as simple as a shower head can change the whole look of a bathroom, Mary Anne says, "That's what it is.  The new showerhead must make our green tile look blue."  Larry covers this (the script direction says "Phumphering") by saying, "Actually, your tile was always blue, it just had this . . . greenish film that Balki and I cleaned off."  "Well, it looks great," Jennifer says, then adds, "Of course, now I have to buy new towels."
- After the dripping starts and Jennifer asks if they should call the landlord Larry says, "First thing in the morning."  After Larry says "Into each life, a little rain must fall," Balki notes, "Cousin, observation: It's not raining outside and that's not the roof up there, it's Jennifer and Mary Anne's apartment."  "Oh, that's right," Mary Anne agrees, pointing as she says, "The kitchen's over there, my bedroom's over there and . . . (pointing straight above them) . . . our bathroom's right up there."  The ceiling collapses, dumping tons of water on Larry and Balki.  Balki asks, "Is this the gushing we've been waiting for?"  Larry shoots him a look.
- In the last scene when Jennifer says she doesn't understand why Larry didn't just call a plumber, he says, "I'm sorry, Jennifer.  I should have but I thought you'd like me more if I did it myself."  "I think it's sweet you tried to impress me but I'm incredibly annoyed that you destroyed my bathroom," Jennifer says with mixed emotions.  Balki tells Larry the plumber is on his way and to have his checkbook ready.  Mary Anne says, "I think we've cleaned up the worst of this.  I don't know what you're going to do with the couch, Larry.  It's still soaking wet."  Larry tries to lighten the mood by saying, "Well, I've always wanted a water bed."  He gives a pathetic laugh and Jennifer and Mary Anne just look at him.  "I'm sure in a couple of months it'll be very funny," Jennifer speculates.  When the girls leave Mary Anne thanks them for an interesting evening.
- After the girls are gone, Larry asks, "Balki, how could I do all this just so someone who already likes me will like me?"  "You know, Cousin," Balki notes, "you could have stopped at any time and called a plumber."  "Who would have thought changing a showerhead would be so complicated?" Larry asks.  Balki then tells the story about the dog who spun himself to death.  "Well, from now on, I'm never going to say I can do something when I can't," Larry says.  "Cousin, give me a line of credit," Balki sighs, "You always say that."  Larry worriedly says, "Maybe I can't change.  Maybe the problem's in my genes."  "No, Cousin, you dress as well as the next person," Balki explains, "I think you inherited your problem from your father."

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