Nielsen Rating: 17.5 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 36 - Night School Confidential
First Air Date: November 18, 1987
Nielsen Rating: 17.5 HH
TV Guide Description: Balki gets conned by a man selling phony watches and jewelry, prompting the guys to concoct a scheme to put him out of business.
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Barry O’Brien
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Guest Cast:
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
Lee Arenberg: Leon
Tony Longo: Fat Jack
Freeman King: Undercover Police Officer
Charles Shapiro: Thug #1
Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri does not appear in this episode.
Balki-isms:
"Cousin, hold on to your pants and fasten your neck brace . . . "
"They said don’t call us, we’ll call us!"
"I guess Princess Di is cast."
"No use crying over spilt curd."
"Isn’t that a bit like Pa Kettle calling Ma Kettle black?"
"The top bananaman."
"The headest honcho."
"The Big Cheez Whiz."
"The watches that you sell on the black carpet?"
"I’m packing a heater!"
"I’ve got a scratchy trigger finger!"
"So Cousin, all’s well that ends."
Don’t be ridiculous: Said three times.
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"I guess I really stepped in something good this time!"
"Well, you can say that again!"
" . . . Babasticki."
"Let me get this straight."
"I don’t think so!"
"Question . . . "
"That is correct."
"Well, now you’ve done it!"
Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki, in trying to understand something Larry has said, repeats his cousin’s
words over exactly.
Larry has a plan.
Larry asks if Balki has a better plan and Balki insists he does, leading to a
"You do?" "I do!" exchange until Larry finally gets Balki to
admit he has no idea what it is.
Larry’s breathy laugh
Notable Moments:
Larry is credited with his first byline in the Chicago Chronicle.
Interesting facts:
- In the original airing of this episode the theme song was cut down
considerably, with the earlier theme song clips and the scene in the revolving
door cut completely. This shorter version would be used on occasion throughout
the series’ run.
- The name of the episode, Night School
Confidential, is a play on the title of the 1958 movie High School
Confidential! in which actor Russ Tamblyn plays an undercover narcotics
agent out to catch drug dealers in a small town high school.
- The very first thing we see when the episode starts is Larry sitting at the
kitchen counter, apparently fishing in his coffee cup with a spoon. It’s very
likely that they cut the opening joke with Larry attempting to eat a cookie
after dipping it into his coffee only to have the cookie break off and drop into
the cup (especially since there is a plate of cookies in front of him!) This would be a running joke throughout the series, and if this had
been left in this would have been the first time it was done!
- Balki’s reference to "making your head spin like Linda Blair" is a
reference to the film The Exorcist.
- This episode marks the first time Harriette refers to her husband.
While she
doesn’t call him Carl, she does explain that he works in the homicide division
of the police department.
-
Cousin Skippy pointed out to us that actor Lee Arenberg, who plays the crook
Leon with such aplomb in this episode, may be better known today as Pintel from
the Pirates of the Caribbean movies! He also appeared in all of the
later Star Trek series, playing different characters! For more information
on Lee, visit his official website here!
- Larry refers to Woodward and Bernstein, the two newspaper reporters who gained
fame when they investigated and reported on the notorious Watergate scandals
involving an Democratic office break-in and the subsequent cover-up by White
House officials that led to the resignation of President Nixon. The pair were
the subjects of a film called All the President’s Men starring Robert
Redford and Dustin Hoffman. Balki confuses their names with those of Joanne
Woodward, a classic Hollywood actress, and Leonard Bernstein, a noted conductor
and composer.
Bloopers and Inconsistencies: In this episode we once again see Balki do the "what’s that on your shirt?" nose tweak trick in which he points at Larry’s shirt and then touches the end of Larry’s nose with his finger when he looks down. Balki pulled this same trick while playing boochi tag with Larry in the episode Tenspeed and Soft Touch. But at the end of the fourth season episode Seven Card Studs when Larry tried to play this joke on Balki, Balki didn’t understand it at all.
Synopsis:
As the episode opens we see Larry sitting at the kitchen counter with a spoon in
his coffee cup. He looks up as Balki runs in excitedly, carrying his schoolbooks
over his shoulder in a book strap. "Cousin, hold on to your pants and fasten
your neck brace because I’m gonna show you something that’s gonna make your
head spin like Linda Blair." By this time Balki has dropped his books,
taken off his coat and approached the counter. He holds his wrist out to show
Larry. "Look!" "New watch?" Larry asks. "No . . . more
than a new watch! It’s a Rolex," Balki says eagerly, "With solid
quartz crystal and genuine Swiss movement and if you look at it in a certain
light you can see . . . up your nose."
"Balki, Rolexes are very
expensive," Larry notes. "Well, I guess I really stepped in something
good!" Balki smiles. Larry wants to take a look at it but Balki won’t let
him. "Why not?" Larry asks. "Well . . . why look at my watch . .
. when you can look at your own watch!" Balki shows he has a second
watch in a plastic bag. He goes into game show mode, imitating such a host and
announcer perfectly. "Yes, Cousin Larry Appleton, your very own watch!
Tell
us about it, Balki. Well, Balki, it’s a Rolex! With solid quartz crystal and
genuine Swiss movement, automatic date and day display. Promotional
consideration by Bartokmous of Mypos." He hands the watch proudly to Larry,
saying, "Back to you, Cousin."
Larry takes the watch out of the bag and
looks at it with surprise. "Well, this is a Rolex all right!" he
observes, but as he’s handling it the stem comes off. A moment later the
crystal falls out. And finally the rest of it falls apart. "Is this a
kit?" Larry asks with confusion, then asks, "Where’d you buy
this?" "From Leon," Balki answers. "Leon? Who is Leon?"
Larry asks. "Leon . . . the human discount department store," Balki
explains, "All of the merchandise, none of the parking problems. I meet him
in the hall after night school." "And I bet he gave you a good deal,
right?" Larry asks, catching on. "Well, you can say that again,"
Balki smiles innocently, "He let me have it for $38.95."
"Balki, Leon is a crook. These
watches are counterfeit. You’ve been ripped off," Larry states.
"Wait a minute," Balki starts, "Are you saying that Leon is a
crook and that these watches are counterfeit and that I’ve been ripped
off?" "Yes," Larry confirms. "What’s your point?"
Balki asks. "My point is first thing tomorrow morning we are going down to
the police and tell them about this Leon. You didn’t buy any more watches from
him, did you?" "Well, of course not, don’t be ridiculous,"
Balki scoffs, "I just bought Mary Anne this priceless pearl necklace."
He pulls a necklace in a plastic bag from his pocket and opens it to show Larry.
"Leon says it used to belong to Elvis Presley." Balki undoes the clasp
and the "pearls" fall off the string and onto Larry’s plate.
The next day at the Chicago Chronicle,
Balki and Larry are standing at Larry’s desk as he complains that going to the
police department was a complete waste of time. Harriette approaches them.
"Let me guess . . . you’re upset," she says to Larry. 
"We’re
more than upset," Balki corrects her, "We’re . . . really
upset." "What’s wrong?" Harriette asks. "I’ll tell you
what’s wrong!" Balki starts, "I’ll tell you what’s wrong! Tell
her, Cousin!" "A scam artist sold Balki two phony watches and a
necklace of no value whatsoever, so we went to the police and, quite frankly,
they were no help at all," Larry complains. "They said don’t call
us, we’ll call us!" Balki adds.
"The police department is incompetent, inefficient and stinks on ice," Larry continues. "My husband is on the police department," Harriette informs Larry. "I wasn’t finished," Larry continues hastily, "They’re also overworked, underpaid and unappreciated." "Don’t kiss up, baby," Harriette scolds. "Can’t your husband help us?" Balki asks. "Well, he could, but he’s in homicide," Harriette explains. "Well, when he gets back can he give us a call?" Balki asks. "No, uh . . . you see, honey . . . homicide isn’t a place it’s a . . . " She gives up, saying, "I’ll give him the message." She goes back into the elevator.
"Well, nothing to be done,"
Balki sighs, walking over to hang up his jacket and go to work at his table,
"I guess Princess Di is cast. No use crying over spilt curd."
"It’s
just not right," Larry huffs, "Hoodlums operating out in the open,
taking advantage of the little people." "I know," Balki agrees,
"Little guys like us we can’t do babasticki." Larry suddenly opens
his eyes wide and snaps his fingers. "Wait a minute, what am I thinking
of?" "Is it a number between one and ten?" Balki asks excitedly.
"Good guess, but no," Larry says. "Twelve?" Balki asks, more
excited. "No." "Is it bigger than a headcheese?" Balki asks.
"All right, Balki, just let me tell you what I’m thinking. I’m thinking
we work for the most powerful newspaper in the city and we’re wondering what
to do about a measly scam artist?" "That’s what you were
thinking?" Balki asks in confusion, "How is a person supposed to guess
that?"
"Balki, I’m a reporter," Larry
continues, "We can expose Leon! We can infiltrate the whole operation.
We
can put those guys out of business!" "Let me get this straight,"
Balki starts, "You and I, two complete amateurs, are going to go down and
fool people 
who make their living fooling people." "Right," Larry
confirms. "I don’t think so," Balki says plainly. Larry follows
Balki back to his worktable. "Come on, Balki, we have certain advantages.
We have the element of surprise." "You’re right . . . even we
don’t know what we’re doing!" Balki comments.
"I know what I’m doing, I’ve already figured out a plan," Larry explains, "You introduce me to Leon as a big time player, a mover and a shaker. We’ll tell him we want to make a big buy but we only want to deal with the boss." "Bruce Springsteen is involved in this?" Balki asks in shock. "Not 'The Boss'," Larry explains, "Leon’s boss, his supplier. We’ll set up a meeting in a couple of days. That’ll give us time to get the newspaper involved. They’ll give us marked money. We’ll make the buy and blow their operation wide open." Balki looks uncertain so Larry continues, "Come on, buddy, we can do this! It’ll be just like Miami Vice." Balki looks intrigued at this so Larry continues. "You and me . . . undercover." "Can I be Don Johnson?" Balki asks. "Sure." "You got it," Balki agrees.
That night we see a school with the sign
"Adult Evening Classes" outside. Inside the school’s corridor there
are a few adult students milling walking around. A full phone booth sits in the
middle of the hallway. Larry enters, wearing jeans, a stained and dyed t-shirt,
a cut-off and ragged sleeveless vest and sunglasses. He also had a bandana
around his head and another tied at the knee, plus boots. He looks like a reject
from a Welcome Back, Kotter episode as he stands, trying to look casual.
A bell rings and adults students exit a
classroom marked "History." Balki is the last to come out.
He’s also
wearing sunglasses and is sporting a typical Don Johnson Miami Vice style outfit
with loose jacket and pants. He walks to Larry and pulls his glasses down as
Larry pulls his up. They spend a moment circling one another, taking in each
others’ disguises. "Balki, aren’t you taking this Miami Vice thing a
little too far?" Larry asks. "Now wait just a minute," Balki
starts, "Isn’t that a bit like Pa Kettle calling Ma Kettle black?"
"Balki, this is my disguise," Larry defends himself, "I’m
pretending
to be a tough guy." "Well, if Leon buys that he’ll buy
some of his own watches!" Balki notes.
A man walks by and Larry puts his sunglasses back on, saying, "Watch this!" He walks up to the man, trying to act hip, and says loudly in an overdone accent, "Que paso, bro! Wha’s happenin’? Where’s de action?" The man, who is buying a candy bar from a vending machine, looks Larry up and down and asks, "First day undercover?" Larry walks back to Balki. "All right, I’ll lose the accent," he sighs. "You call that an accent?" Balki asks. Larry pulls off his own sunglasses in frustration.
A short man enters the corridor and walks
to a row of lockers where he begins to set up a suitcase on a tray. "Oh
Cousin, there he is," Balki points out, "There’s Leon." Larry
steps in front of Balki and says, "Let’s go." They walk, their steps
in unison, toward Leon. Larry stops suddenly and Balki almost walks into him.
Larry motions slightly with his head for Balki to approach Leon. "Excuse
me, Mr. Leon," Balki begin, "We want to talk to you." Leon
interrupts firmly, "Hey, hey, hey . . . no refunds, man! No way!"
"Oh no, I don’t want a refund," Balki assures him. "You don’t?"
Leon asks with surprise. "No, I want to introduce you to my friend, Cousin
Larry. He’s a big time player. He’s a mover and a shaker."
Balki shakes
his body as he says this. "And uh . . . and uh. . . " He looks to
Larry for coaching.
Larry continues on his own, "I want
to buy a lot of watches. I can move them on the west side. We’re talking big
bucks here." "How big?" Leon asks. This question catches Larry by
surprise and he hesitates. "Uh . . . three, four G’s." "Three,
four G’s?" Leon laughs, "That’s chump change!" "Three,
four G’s?" Balki asks in a scoffing tone, "Try five G’s. Try ten G’s.
Try fifteen G’s!" Larry is nervous as Balki raises the amount of
money. "Question," Balki asks Larry, "What’s a G?"
"It’s a
thousand dollars!" Larry informs him. "Gee!" Balki says,
impressed.
"You sure you guys can get this kind
of money?" Leon asks. "We’re sure," Larry insists, "There’s
one condition. We only deal 
with the top man!" "I think I can set up a
meeting," Leon says. "You can?" Larry asks with surprise,
"Friday night good for everybody?" Leon slams his suitcase closed.
"Tonight! Midnight! Right here!" "Midnight?
That only gives us an
hour and a half!" Larry says nervously. "Oh, out of the
question," Balki interjects, "How about Thursday morning over
pancakes?" "How ‘bout midnight?" Leon repeats sternly.
"My
thoughts exactly, Cousin?" Balki asks. "Midnight," Larry
confirms. "Good," Leon continues, "I’m gonna go set it up.
Don’t
you guys try to pull anything funny or we’ll hurt ya . . . and you’ll never
get well." He picks up his suitcase and snaps closed the stand, trapping
Balki’s arm in it and dragging Balki behind him as he walks to the exit.
Larry
grabs Balki’s arm and pulls him back as Leon gives them one last nasty look
and leaves.
Act two begins back at the apartment.
Larry is standing at the dining table cutting up pieces of paper. There is also
an open briefcase on the table. Balki comes out the bedroom, having changed into
his regular clothes (Larry is still wearing his disguise). "I’m ready to
go, Cousin!" Balki announces, buttoning his vest as he approaches the
table, "Is this okay?" "Fine," Larry says in a dismissive
manner, then holds up a small tape recorder. "Balki, I want you to carry
this tape recorder in your coat pocket. We’re going to record everything Leon
and his boss say. The recorder will be hidden in your pocket. When I say ‘Let’s
make a deal’ you turn it on. When I say ‘Let’s make a deal.’
Can you
remember that?" "Well, of course I can, don’t be ridiculous!"
Balki assures him.
Larry hands Balki a cassette. "Here’s
the tape." Balki eyes the tape, reading, "Motown’s Biggest Pop
Hits?" He eyes Larry with concern. "Are you sure you want to record
over The Supremes?" "Yes, I do!" Larry answers emphatically,
"Now Balki, we’re supposed to meet these guys in half an hour. The money’s
ready, let’s get going!" Balki watches as Larry finishes placing a rubber
band around a wad of paper. "Okay, Cousin, before we go I think I ought to
point out one small but significant flaw in your otherwise brilliant plan.
Um, somebody . . . I’m not naming names . . . forgot to put the presidents’
face on this blank, green paper."
Larry takes the wad from Balki, explaining
his idea. "Balki, I have put a twenty dollar bill on the top of each stack
of paper, so that it looks like there’s $15,000 in the briefcase." "What if they want to see the money?" Balki asks.
"Of course they’ll
want to see the money!" Larry says condescendingly, "But I will only
let them look, not touch. I will open the briefcase, like so . . . "
He
pulls the lids open. " . . . then I will quickly close the briefcase, like
so." He shuts it quickly. "They will 
have seen the money, but they
will not have touched he money! Therefore they will believe that there is
$15,000, in fact, in the briefcase." Larry pulls the briefcase up
impatiently. "Now can we go?"
"Question," Balki begins. Larry drops the briefcase into the table and covers his face in frustration. "What?" he asks with extreme patience. "After you open the briefcase, aren’t they going to grab the money?" Balki asks. "Oh, I see!" Larry smirks, "You think they can grab the money before I can close the briefcase." "That is correct," Balki confirms. "Try it!" Larry challenges, opening the briefcase, taunting, "You want to grab the money? Hmm?" Balki casually reaches over and pulls the "what’s that on your shirt?" nose tweak bit, distracting Larry to look down as he grabs a wad of "money" from the briefcase.
Larry grabs the wad back and replaces it
into the briefcase, closing it and then opening it for Balki to try again.
Balki
reaches for the money with his left hand and Larry slams the lid of the
briefcase down quickly, smiling triumphantly. Balki lifts a wad of "money" up in
his right hand for Larry to see, which causes Larry’s eyes to bug out. Larry
grabs the wad away again in anger. "Okay, smart guy . . . you’ve got a
better idea?" "Well, of course I do, don’t be ridiculous!"
Balki states. "Oh, you do?" "I do." "You do?"
"I do!" "Well, what is it?" "I have no idea, but I’m
sure there is one," Balki admits. "If there were, the Miami Vice
writers would have thought of it long ago!" Larry counters, "Now, can
we leave? We have hoodlums waiting!" Larry lifts the briefcase by the
handle and it falls open, jumbling the fake wads of money. Larry tries to
straighten them out.
It’s midnight and Balki and Larry have
entered the school. The hallways are empty now. "I’ve never been here
this late," Balki says nervously, "I can’t believe how quiet it
is!" "Yeah . . . too quiet," Larry agrees, looking around
anxiously. As he turns his head away, Balki yells out "Hello!"
suddenly, making Larry scream. "Will you stop it?" Larry cries.
"Well, I’m sorry!" Balki says sternly. "Look, just stay
cool," Larry suggests, "When Leon gets here all we have to do is make
the deal." Balki immediately starts fumbling in his coat pocket.
"What
are you doing? What are you doing?" Larry asks urgently. "I’m
turning on the tape recorder! You give me the signal!" Balki explains.
"No, not yet!" Larry cries, "The signal is ‘Let’s make a
deal! Let’s!’" "Oh, okay okay," Balki nods.
"Now just stay calm," Larry
urges. Leon walks around the corner, yelling out "Yo!" which makes
Larry scream in surprise before composing himself. Leon saunters up to them,
saying, "Okay boys! Let’s make a deal!" Seeing Balki reach for his
coat pocket Larry yells out "No! Not yet!" "What?" Leon
asks. "Yes, yes, Leon!" Larry corrects, "We told you . . . we
only deal with the boss. 
Right, Balki?" "Right!" Balki agrees,
"The boss! Mister Big. The top bananaman. The headest honcho.
The guy . . .
. " "He’s got it!" Larry interrupts. "Okay," Balki
stops.
"You’ll see him as soon as I see the money," Leon says. "No dice," Larry insists, "We only show this money to one guy. Right, Balki?" "Right, baby, one guy . . . " Balki begins again, "The kingpin. The Godfather. The Big Cheez Whiz. The guy . . . . " "He’s got it, he’s got it," Larry interrupts again. "Okay, okay," Balki stops. "Don’t move," Leon says seriously, walking back to the corridor from where he came. Larry and Balki walk close to the phone booth as Balki exclaims, "Cousin, it’s working!" "Of course it’s working," Larry says confidently, "We’re dealing with mental midgets." As Larry says this, three HUGE men walk out with Leon to stand before them. "These mental midgets have gigantic bodies!" Balki notes nervously.
"This is Fat Jack," Leon
announces. "Okay," Larry says, trying to stay calm, "Let’s make
a deal!" Balki, who is staring at the
men, does nothing. "Okay by me,
this ain’t no social call," Fat Jack smirks. Larry stares at Balki
anxiously. "I said, ‘Let’s make a deal!’" Balki still doesn’t
react. "Hey, I heard ya!" Fat Jack snarls, "I’m pathological,
not deaf!" "Let’s make a deal!" Larry says more emphatically
and right to Balki. Balki leans toward Larry and says, "Fine by me, Cousin,
I wanna get the heck outta here!" but still doesn’t respond as he’s
supposed to. Larry laughs for a moment then says, "Excuse us," and
pulls Balki around to his other side, leaning in close and growling in one quick
word, "Turnonthetaperecorder!" When Balki still doesn’t get
it, he repeats, "Turnonthetaperecorder!"
Balki finally understands and fumbles in
his pocket to start the recording. He then steps back around Larry and, quite
obviously, stands with his hip pointed toward the men. "So, you’re the
big player, huh?" Fat Jack asks Larry. "Yes, he’s the big player . .
. he’s the mover and the shaker . . . " Balki explains, gyrating as he
does so. "You . . . shut up!" Fat Jack tells Balki. "Okay!"
Balki agrees immediately. "You . . . let’s see the money!" Fat Jack
says to Larry. "The money?" Larry asks, then speaks clearly and toward
Balki’s pocket, "You mean the $15,000 I’m giving you for the
counterfeit watches?" "The watches that you sell on the black
carpet?" Balki adds.
Fat Jack grabs Leon by the ear and pulls
him closer. "Who are these clowns?" he demands. "Hey, they said
they had the money!" Leon explains quickly, only to have Fat Jack push him
away on the face. "Let’s see the money!" Fat Jack demands.
Balki
holds out his arms so Larry can set the briefcase across them and Larry opens
the lid. As Fat Jack reaches for the money Larry slams the lid shut and pulls
the briefcase back. Balki smiles in wild relief that Larry managed to do this.
"Hey, open that up!" Fat Jack insists. "Oh! It’s locked!"
Larry announces, "And, oh darn . . . I forgot the combination!"
"Yeah well, maybe I can remember it
for ya!" Fat Jack says as he grabs the briefcase from Larry and tears it
apart with his bare hands, spilling the contents onto the floor. Fat Jack
reaches down to pick up one of the wads of paper, as
Larry gasps, "Ooh,
goodness gracious! That’s just paper!" "You guys are dead
meat!" Fat Jack announces as he throws down the wad and the four hoodlums
start for Larry and Balki. Backing up, Balki shoves his hand into his pocket and
thrusts the tape recorder at them, yelling "Hold it right there! I’m
packing a heater!" The four men hold up their hands but Larry is confused.
"A heater?" he asks. "A rod," Balki explains. "What?"
"A piece." "Hmm?" "A gun," Balki
explains as clearly as he can.
Finally understanding, Larry joins the
charade. "Oh! A gun! Right! Everybody, up against the wall!
Move it!" The hoods have put their hands down and Leon challenges them by saying,
"You’re bluffing!" The men 
take a step toward them but Balki stands
his ground. "Don’t tempt me!" he warns. They step back and put their
hands up again. "I’ve got a scratchy trigger finger!" Balki adds.
Balki makes a motion toward them and there is a loud click . . . one second
later the song Baby Love starts playing loudly from his pocket and Balki
tries frantically to turn off the recorder, on which he’s accidentally hit the
play button. Once off he continues the charade as the hoods are in a state of
confusion.
"Hey, what was that?" asks Fat
Jack. "Uh, Ain’t No Mountain High Enough?" Leon offers.
"No, it sounded more like Love Child!" Fat Jack states. "What’s wrong with you people?
That’s Baby Love!" another
hood says in frustration (he also happens to be the only black man in the
group). "You guys ought to brush up on your Motown!" Balki suggests.
"Let’s get ‘em!" Fat Jack suggests and they gang chase Balki and
Larry around a pillar where they take refuge in the phone booth. Balki holds the
door shut as Larry picks up the receiver and starts dialing frantically, saying,
"911 . . . 911 . . . 911 . . 
. 911 . . . . "
Fat Jack casually walks to the side of the booth and breaks the glass with his bare hand, pulling the receiver out of Larry’s hand (and off the phone itself!). Balki pokes his head through the broken pane, saying, "Well, now you’ve done it! You’re going to have to answer to the phone company!" Leon opens the door of the booth and pulls Balki and Larry out, where he and the other thug holds onto them. "You know something? I think I’m really going to enjoy this!" Fat Jack says, coming at them with the broken phone receiver and cord.
At that moment the black hood pulls out a
gun and a badge, yelling, "Hold it right there! Police! You’re all under
arrest!" A group of policemen burst onto the scene and quickly apprehend
the three crooks. "The police?" Larry cries, "Boy, are we glad to
see you! Larry Appleton, Chicago Chronicle!" Larry holds his hand out but
the officer does not take it. "Cousin, it’s the police!" Balki says
excitedly, "And you said they were incompetent and inefficient and that
they stink on ice!" "You said that?" the officer asks.
"Well, I meant it in the nicest possible way," Larry assures him.
"Up against the wall!" the officer orders, throwing Larry against the
booth and making like he’s going to arrest him.
Later at the apartment, Larry and Balki
are sitting at the dining table and Larry is reading from a copy of the Chicago
Chronicle. "In a pre-dawn undercover operation, the police, aided by this
reporter and Chronicle employee, Balki Bartokomous, arrested 
three men and
seized a large quantity of counterfeit watches and other bogus jewelry.
Balki,
they gave me a byline!" "Yes, and they put your name on it!"
Balki says happily, "So Cousin, all’s well that ends." "Well," Larry finishes for him.
"Well what?" Balki asks. "All’s well that ends well," Larry explains.
"I just said
that," Balki insists. "No," Larry tries to explain, but Balki
continues. "Cousin, I’m trying to pay you a compliment. You’re going to
be one heck of a reporter if you live long enough." "Well, I couldn’t
have done it without you," Larry insists, "We make a good team, don’t
we?" "You can say that again," Balki agrees. "Just like
Woodward and Bernstein!" Larry adds. "Really?" Balki asks,
"I love Woodward and Bernstein! Which one am I? Joanne Woodward or
Leonard Bernstein?"
Back to:
EPISODE
GUIDE