Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 32 - Taking Stock

First Air Date: October 14, 1987
Nielsen Rating: 16.8 HH

TV Guide Description: Balki gets a taste of corporate greed when he buys stock in a cereal company that manufactures raisin puffs -- without the promised number of raisins in each box.

Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: John B. Collins
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons

Guest Cast:
Alan Haufrect: Mr. Crocker
Barbara Sharma: Ms. Abrams
Jeff Corey: Henry Casselman
Gene LeBell: Security Guard #1
Greg Collins: Security Guard #2

Dimitri Appearances:
Dimitri can be seen wearing a white wool coat and sitting on the coffee table to the right of the couch at various points during the first scenes.

Balki-isms:
"No skin off my head!"
"An hour ago I was a babe in the woodpile . . . "
"So you see, Raisin Puffs without the raisins is like Snow White without her seven dorks!"
"Well, then I’ll go to his four men."
"What are you now?  Deputy Dog?"
"To forgive is divine . . . to be an airhead is human."

Don’t be ridiculous: Said twice.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
Balki’s "Huh?"
"You try to fool Balki!"
Balki and Larry’s stereo "Hi!"
"Oh my Lord!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki reads something slowly and with a heavy accent so that it’s hard to understand

Interesting facts:
- This episode marks the first time Melanie Wilson and Rebeca Arthur’s credits were shown during the opening titles.  Their names appear as Balki and Larry are going around in the revolving door.
- When Larry says to Balki that it’s Wednesday he was correct, as Perfect Strangers was scheduled at 8:00 p.m. on Wednesday nights when this episode aired.
- The Dimitri seen in this episode is a slightly different style from the usual Dimitri.  In fact Dimitri would change occasionally over the years, but it's not known exactly how many stuffed sheep played Dimitri over the years.
- Raisin Puffs were mentioned for the first time in this episode but boxes of Raisin Puffs would be seen again in future episodes.
- This is the first notable appearance of Balki's "treasure caribou."  The caribou is a little hollow ceramic animal where Balki keeps important items and money (in this instance, his letter from the UniCorn Corporation).
- When Balki asks Mr. Crocker if he is now "Deputy Dog" it’s a reference to a popular Terrytoons animated show from the 1960's called Deputy Dawg.
- Gene LeBell, who played a security guard in his episode, also performed as a stuntman on the Miller / Boyett series Full House and is a renowned wrestling and judo champion.  Likewise Greg Collins, who played the other security guard, made various appearances on Full House and Family Matters.
- Veteran character actor Jeff Corey had a fabulous turn in this episode as the vivacious Mr. Henry Casselman.  Besides his countless appearances in television shows and movies, he has a place in history for refusing to testify when called before the House Committee on Un-American Activities in the now notorious McCarthy hearings.  Admittedly a former Communist, he couldn’t in good conscience hand over names in order to preserve his career, leading to his blacklisting by the Hollywood community throughout the fifties.  He became an acting coach in Hollywood during that time until he resumed acting.  Sadly Mr. Corey passed away in 2002.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- This is one of the three episodes in the third season in which the front door is to the left of the fireplace and the closet door is to the right.  This layout was only ever seen this way in the few episodes at the beginning of this season, the other two episodes being the season opener All the News That Fits and The Break In.  There is also a step down from the front door in the layout of these three episodes.  We've discussed how these episodes may have been filmed at some time before the regular season started and that it might have been in anticipation of a writer's strike.  Another possibility is that the network might have wanted to see an example of the series in its new format at the newspaper office, so these episodes were filmed to give them an idea how season three would look.
- A very short and quick outtake from this episode can be seen during the "Friendship" commercial (it shows Balki pulling playfully on Larry's ears).  This commercial can be seen on our YouTube channel.

Synopsis:
As the episode begins we see Larry standing in the living room hooking up the wires of a new stereo system.  Balki runs in the front door excitedly, saying, "Cousin, guess what today is!"  "Wednesday," Larry answers calmly.  Balki is taken aback for a second, realizing Larry is correct, then continues.  "This is the day we found out how to get rich, just like Ms. Elvira Worth."  "Who’s Elvira Worth?" Larry asks.  "More to the point, what is Elvira Worth?"  Balki starts to read a letter that came in the mail out loud, slowly and with a hard accent until Larry finally takes the letter from Balki saying he can’t understand a word he’s saying.

Larry reads over the letter aloud, with Balki interjecting certain words.  "Ms. Elvira Worth, a housewife from DeQueens, Arkansas, turned a five hundred dollar investment . . . "  " . . . in the . . . "  ". . . stock market . . . "  " . . . into . . . "  ". . . millions . . . "  " . . . overnight."  "We can . . . "  " . . . too."  "Hmm," Larry hums, then hands Balki the letter back, saying, "Balki, leave your money in the bank.  Forget about the stock market, you know nothing about it."  "Well, of course I do, don’t be ridiculous!" Balki scoffs, "On Mypos, I sell my sheep at the stock market."

"Balki, American stock markets don’t deal in livestock.  The stocks they buy and sell are shares in businesses."  "That sounds more exciting than our stock market," Balki admits, then adds, "I bet it smells better, too, huh?  Are there any other pluses?"  "Well, uh, yes there are," Larry continues, "Depending on whether the business makes money or not the value of your stock goes up or down."  "Oh! I want the kind of stock that goes up!" Balki smiles.  "That’s very shrewd," Larry comments, "But sometimes your stock goes down."  "No, I don’t want that kind," Balki says.  "No one does," Larry agrees, "Unfortunately there’s no way of knowing whether your stock will go up or down.  Balki, I think you should forget about the stock market."

Balki says he wants Larry to help him buy stock.  "It’s very complicated . . . you could lose your shirt," Larry warns.  Balki looks at his shirt worriedly and Larry adds, "Your money . . . your money . . . you could lose your money.  You’re not going to invest in the stock market and that’s that!"  "Oh, that’s that, is that?" Balki asks defiantly.  "Yes, that’s that.  I’m not going to help you lose your money."  "All right fine," Balki sighs, "No skin off my head!  I’ll just go ask Mary Anne to help me lose my money."

Larry stops Balki, saying he doesn’t want to ask Mary Anne.  Seeing Balki is detemined to do this, he reluctantly he agrees to help him.  Balki thanks him, then rolls his eyes and laughs as Larry goes to the kitchen to get the paper, having used Mary Anne as a means to get Larry to agree to help.  Larry opens the newspaper, showing Balki, "This is a listing of all the stocks.  Now which one do you want to buy?"  "There’s so many!" Balki says in awe.  "Here’s one I’ve heard good things about," Larry notes, "UniCorn."  "Oh, I like unicorns!" Balki says, "You said that they don’t sell animals.  You try to fool Balki!"

"UniCorn is the United Corn Corporation," Larry explains, "They make breakfast foods like Sugar Oatsies and Raisin Puffs."  "Raisin Puffs are my favorite!" Balki exclaims (ALWAYS pronouncing "puffs" as "poofs"), then sings the jingle, holding a finger up to his forehead like a unicorn "You get a hundred raisins in every box of UniCorn Raisin Puffs!"  He ends by blowing through his lips like a unicorn, then asks "How many shares can I buy?"  "Well, how much money do you want to invest?" Larry asks.  Balki digs into his pocket and pulls out some bills, which he puts on the counter.  "Thirty eight dollars," he announces.  "Thirty eight dollars?" Larry asks, "All this is for thirty eight dollars?"  Balki digs into his other pocket and pulls out a dime.  "And ten cents," he adds.

"All right, well . . . if I lend you a dollar ninety you can buy one share," Larry explains.  "Oh boy!" Balki exclaims happily, "We can be partners!"  "No, no . . . consider it a gift," Larry insists.  "Cousin, isn’t it wonderful?" Balki asks, "An hour ago I was a babe in the woodpile.  I don’t know nothing about the stock market.  And now, thanks to you, I’m on my way to becoming a business typhoon."  "Balki, a typhoon is . . . . "  "A tropical storm, I know that, I was just kidding.  Cut me some slack, Cousin!" Balki insists.

The next scene finds Balki and Larry dressed nicely.  Balki is holding a lint brush and has some lint on him.  Larry takes the brush and starts cleaning Balki off.  "Balki, you don’t have time to play with the lint brush," Larry scolds, "Jennifer and Mary Anne will be here any minute.  We have reservations for eight o’clock." Larry hands Balki back the brush.  "Cousin, I have a surprise for you!" Balki says, then leads Larry over to the back living room wall where a single, framed certificate hangs.  "I got my UniCorn stock certificate!" Balki says proudly, as he and Larry stand and look at it.  "And you framed it," Larry notes.

"Isn’t it beautiful?" Balki asks.  "Yes, it brightens up the whole room," Larry says sarcastically.  Balki smiles and waves his hand, but it’s the hand holding the lint brush and he accidentally leaves a little lint on Larry’s dark jacket.  Balki then runs the lint brush over the place, leaving even more lint in its wake.  He runs the brush back across and cleans the lint off.  Playfully, Balki runs the lint brush across Larry’s lapel again, leaving a trail of lint.  He again takes it off.  He’s about to do this again when Larry grabs the brush away from him.

The doorbell buzzes and Balki puts on his vest as Larry opens the door.  Jennifer and Mary Anne enter, both wearing pretty evening dresses.  "Hi!" the guys say together.  "I hope we’re not late," Jennifer offers, "I just couldn’t find anything to wear."  "You look stunning," Larry offers, "That’s your color!"  "Thank you, I borrowed this outfit from Mary Anne," Jennifer says uncomfortably.  "Jennifer and Mary Anne, I have a surprise for you!" Balki announces.  "Oh don’t tell me, let me guess!" Mary Anne interrupts.  Everyone waits as Mary Anne stands, not knowing what to say next.  "No sense hurting yourself, Mary Anne," Jennifer suggests, "Why don’t you just let Balki tell us."

"Better yet, why don’t I just show you?" Balki asks.  He runs over and picks up the girls, one in each arm, and carries them to the back wall, setting them down in front of the framed certificate.  "This is it!" Balki announces. They stand looking at it a moment, until Mary Anne asks, "What are we supposed to be looking at?"  "Balki just bought his first share of stock in the United Corn Corporation," Larry explains.  "I own a piece of America!" Balki says happily.  "Congratulations!" Jennifer offers.

"You know, we at UniCorn make many fine products for the home," Balki recites, "but the backbone of our company is Raisin Puffs, the cereal chock-full of naturally sweet raisins.  Raisins . . . they’re nature’s candy."  "I’ll get my car keys and maybe we can get out of here before he sings the jingle," Larry says, going to his room to get his keys.  "I used to eat Raisin Puffs, but I don’t any more," Mary Anne says (also pronouncing it "poofs"), "There aren’t enough raisins!"  "That’s impossible!" Balki insists, going into the kitchen to get a box, "Raisin Puffs guarantees one hundred raisins in every box.  Look, I show you . . . right on the box it says ‘one hundred raisins in each box.’  So you see, Raisin Puffs without the raisins is like Snow White without her seven dorks!"

"Mary Anne may have been mistaken," Jennifer suggests.  "You bet your bottom digdah she was . . . look at this!" Balki says, having opened the box of cereal.  He pours some cereal into Mary Anne’s hand, and there is not one raisin to be seen.  "Where are the raisins?" Balki asks, confused, looking into the box, "They must be in here!"  He looks closer into the box until he has his face stuck into it.  Larry returns, saying "Well, let’s go!" then eyes the scene, asking, "Why does Balki have a box on his face?"  "He lost his raisins," Mary Anne explains.

Larry motions the ladies to the door, but Balki is still focused on the cereal box.  "Why would my company do this?" he asks, "Why would they say that they put one hundred raisins in every box and then they don’t put one hundred raisins in every box?"  "Well, maybe this is a signal to sell your stock, Balki," Mary Anne offers, pouring the handful of cereal she’s still holding back into the box.

Balki sits down at the dining table, saying, "They must be in here.  Maybe they’re all down at the bottom."  He starts spilling cereal onto the table as he searches.  "Balki, what are you doing?" Larry asks, "Remember, we have reservations."  "Cousin, I’m in the middle of a company crisis," Balki explains.  "I don’t know what you’re doing but couldn’t you do it later?" Larry asks anxiously.  Balki urges Larry to go to the restaurant with Mary Anne and Jennifer and that he’ll come to them when he’s finished.  He then pours the cereal out into the table and starts counting the raisins as Larry leads the girls to the door.  "Well, uh, let’s go to the restaurant and Balki can join us whenever he’s finished his raisin count," Larry sighs as they leave.  Balki counts raisins, saying under his breath "Please let there be one hundred!"

Some time later Balki removes the cover of the stereo and turns it upside down, dumping a whole box of Raisin Puffs into it and throwing the box aside.  He begins counting raisins as Larry enters in frustration.  "Balki, you’re here!  Where have you been?  I called from the restaurant, there was no answer!  I don’t know how many times I let it ring . . . fifteen, sixteen . . . . "  "Seventeen," Balki counts, Larry having made him lose his place.  Balki drops the raisins back into the cereal and explains, "Cousin, I was at the store," before starting to count again.

Larry looks around the living room, startled at the number of opened cereal boxes and piles of cereal there are around.  "Oh my Lord!" Larry cries, "Balki, how many boxes of Raisin Puffs have you opened?"  He starts to count them, getting to " . . . eleven, twelve, thirteen!" which makes Balki lose his raisin count again. "Cousin . . . I have opened thirteen boxes of Raisin Puffs and not one of them has even close to one hundred raisins!"  Balki drops his face sadly into the stereo lid full of cereal.  "My new family has been cheating the public!" he sighs.

"Family?" Larry asks, "What family?"  "The UniCorn family!" Balki explains, "Mr. Henry Casselman, the Chairman of the Board, writes me a letter and tells me I’m the newest member of the family."  He produces the letter from his treasure caribou for Larry to look at.  "Balki, this is a form letter!" Larry sighs.  "Well, it does have a nice shape," Balki agrees.  "Families don’t send form letters, businesses do!" Larry cries, "Cold impersonal companies who are only interested in the bottom line . . . making a buck.  Balki, you are letting this stock thing take over your life!  This is not your responsibility!"

"Yes it is!" Balki insists, "On Mypos when you own a business you’re responsible for everything."  "Ooh!  Ooh!" Larry exclaims, "I just had a terrific idea!  Why don’t you just sell your stock and forget the whole thing?"  "I can’t," Balki sighs.  "Okay then I’ll sell it," Larry tries.  "No."  "Then I’ll buy it!" Larry says in exasperation, "Balki, please, I’m hungry.  I just want to go back to the restaurant and have dinner."  Balki insists that he has to make this right.  Larry asks how he is going to do that.  "I’ll go to UniCorn and I tell them they have to stop cheating the public!" Balki announces.  "Tell who?" Larry asks, "UniCorn is a big corporation, they have thousands of employees!  Who are you going to talk to?"  "I’m going to talk to . . . the man . . . who puts raisins in the boxes!" Balki grasps with some difficulty.  "Wrong!" Larry says, "He takes his order from his foreman."  "Well, then I’ll go to his four men," Balki deduces.  "And they’ll send you to the plant manager," Larry explains.  "Well, now we’re getting somewhere!" Balki says hopefully.

"No, no we are not.  Balki, UniCorn is a huge corporation, the have factories all over the world!  They have layers of authority.  The plant manager will send you to the district manager who’ll send you to the regional manager.  You’ll have to talk to treasurers, controllers, assistant vice presidents, second vice presidents, first vice presidents and this doesn’t make any difference because they all take their orders from the Chairman of the Board!"  "Well, then I go see him!" Balki tries.  "He won’t see you!" Larry states.  "Why you make me go see all those other people?" Balki asks.  "To teach you a lesson," Larry explains, "This is hopeless, Balki, you are only one man with one share.  They won’t listen!"  "Well, Cousin, if you come with me we’ll be two men with one share, and then they will have to listen!"  Larry moans in frustration as the scene ends.

The second act begins with Balki and Larry standing at the reception desk of Mr.Casselman’s outer office.  "I want to see Mr. Casselman," Balki explains to the receptionist, Ms. Abrams.  "Do you have an appointment?" she asks.  "No," Balki answers.  "Then you can’t see him," she says curtly.  Balki turns to Larry, saying, "Thank you for your help."  Larry tries, asking "Can he make an appointment?"  "Only through the appointment secretary," Ms. Abrams answers.  "Can I see her?" Balki asks.  "Not without an appointment."

Larry starts to lead Balki away but Balki protests.  "Balki, I’ll buy you some ice cream!" Larry bribes.  Balki has to fight really hard to resist this temptation but he remains firm.  "No, Cousin . . . no.  The public is being cheated and if I don’t do something about it I’m cheating them, too!  I know Mr. Casselman will understand if I can just talk to him.  Did you come here to help me or to see me fail?"  "All right," Larry gives in, "But if we’re really gonna see this guy we’re gonna have to use subterfuge."  "Well, of course we are, don’t be ridiculous!" Balki agrees, "Do you have some on you?"  Larry explains that subterfuge is just big word for sneakiness.  They exchange a few knowing nods and winks, Balki’s being particularly exaggerated, until Larry stops it and they go back to the receptionist’s desk.

"Excuse me, I think there’s been a misunderstanding," Larry begins, "Even though Mr. Bartokomous does not have an appointment I’m sure Mr. Casselman will want to see him. Mr. Bartokomous is a substantial stockholder."  A man exits from the office, stating "My car, Ms. Abrams," as he heads for the door.  Balki intercepts him, saying "Mr. Casselman, I come to talk to you!"  "I’m not Mr. Casselman," the man explains, "I’m Mr. Crocker."  "I’m Lawrence Appleton," Larry explains, "and this is one of your major stockholders, Balki Aristotle Bartokomous of the Mediterranean Bartokomouses."  "Do you ever hear of my little island, Mypos?" Balki asks Mr. Crocker.  "You have an island!" Mr. Crocker notes, impressed, "Well, I’m always happy to meet a major stockholder!"

"Care for some coffee?" Mr. Crocker offers, "Cappucino, espresso?"  "Are you the waiter?" Balki asks innocently.  "No, I’m executive vice president," Mr. Crocker explains proudly, "soon to be top dog."  "Oh!" Balki says, "What are you now?  Deputy Dog?"  Larry covers this faux pas by laughing, saying, "Coffee will do."  Mr. Crocker sends Ms. Abrams to get some coffee.  "And use the china!" he suggests.  Larry explain that "Mr. Bartokomous is here to see Mr. Casselman."  "Oh, you can deal with me," Mr. Crocker assures them, "I’m taking over for him when he retires."  He motions for them to sit on the couch as he sits in a chair.

"Now what seems to be the problem?" Mr. Crocker asks.  "Raisins," Balki states.  "Raisins?" Mr. Crocker asks in confusion.  "There are no enough raisins in Raisin Puffs," Balki says.  "But I’m sure this is a matter Mr. Bartokomous should be taking up with Mr. Casselman," Larry interjects as they get to their feet.  "Oh, uh . . . how many shares did you say you own?" Mr. Crockers asks, getting up with them.  "One," Balki answers.  "Hundred thousand," Larry adds.  "One hundred thousand."  "No, one share," Balki insists.  "One share?" Mr. Crocker asks, "Is this a joke?" Larry laughs, saying, "Yes!  It’s a joke!  Mr. Bartokomous is an internationally known cut-up!"  Balki keeps trying to talk but Larry interrupts, laughing and telling him to stop.

"Now if we can just move this along," Larry continues in a composed manner, "Mr. Casselman can give Mr. Bartokomous five minutes and we can be off to our dinner at the White House."  Balki is shocked by this.  "Cousin, you said sneaky but this is lying!"  He turns to Mr. Crocker and says sincerely, "I only have one share but I think this is very important and I want to see Mr. Casselman."  Ms. Abrams brings the coffee but Mr. Crocker tells her, "Forget the coffee, get security!"  She sets the tray down on the coffee table and goes to the door to get security.

Balki explains they are friends of Mr. Casselman’s and pulls out his letter.  "Casselman sends out millions of these . . . they’re written by machines!" Mr. Crocker scoffs.  "Mr. Crocker, this man has put his trust and his faith in your company, doesn’t that mean anything to you?" Larry asks.  "No!" Mr. Crocker says emphatically.  Ms. Abrams returns with two security guards, saying, "Here they are!"  "Throw these two out," Mr. Crocker orders.  "No, we just want to see Mr. Casselman n for five minutes," Balki explains.  "Come on, you guys, we don’t want to hurt you," the one security man says.  "And we don’t want to be hurt!" Larry agrees.

The security men escort Balki and Larry from the office.  Balki cries, "Cousin, I don’t like this!  Do something!"  "Balki, we took our best shot," Larry says in defeat as they are taken from the office and Mr. Crocker closes the door behind them.  "Not enough raisins!  Really!" he huffs, his back to the door.  The door suddenly bursts open, knocking him against a post as Balki and Larry lunge back into the outer office, Balki carefully skirting around Ms. Abrams who is holding the tray of coffee.  Larry goes to her desk and picks up the telephone, hitting various buttons and saying into the receiver "Mr. Casselman, you’re wanted in the outer office!" as Balki knocks on the doors of his office calling "Mr. Casselman!"

The security guards rush in, knocking Crocker against the post again and also barely getting past Ms. Abrams as they go for Balki and Larry, who dodge the two men and run out the front door again with the guards right behind them, Crocker being thrown against the post as they exit.  Crocker closes the door again and gasps, "Oh for crying out loud!" before the whole scene repeats itself, Balki and Larry running in again, knocking Crocker against the post, again getting around Ms. Abrams and the coffee, again calling into the phone and banging on the door, again the security guards rushing in and chasing them around the outer office.

Balki and Larry are trying to evade the guards and end up jumping onto the couch, which rolls over backwards.  They then try to Casselman’s door but the guards catch them, grabbing Larry by the middle as he hangs onto the door handles and Balki tries to pull that guard off Larry as the other guard pulls on Balki.  The guards pulls them away from the door and they all fall on the floor.  Balki and Larry crawl to each other in front of the couch and hang onto one another for dear life as the guards try to pull them apart.

At this moment the door to the office opens and Mr. Casselman enters, yelling "What the hell is going on in here?"  Ms. Abrams lifts her tray and asks, "Would you like some coffee, Mr. Casselman?"  "No!" he growls.  Mr. Crocker tries to intercede, saying it’s nothing for him to concern himself with.  Balki gets to his feet and says, "Mr. Casselman, we’ve come to see you!"  "Do I know you?" Mr. Casselman asks.  "Well, you send me a letter," Balki explains, handing Mr. Casselman his form letter.  "Oh, you’re one of our stockholders!" Mr. Casselman realizes.  "He only owns one share, H.C.," Mr. Crocker explains.  "He’s still a stockholder!" Mr. Casselman insists.  "Good point, H.C.!" Mr. Crocker agrees.

"What did you come to see me about?" Mr. Casselman asks.  "There are no enough raisins in Raisin Puffs!" Balki cries.  "You want more than a hundred?" Mr. Casselman laughs.  "What he means is there aren’t a hundred in each box and he can prove it!" Larry explains.  "What do you want us to do, count them?" Mr. Crocker laughs.  Off the serious look his boss gives him, Mr. Crocker adds, "We can do that!"

The scene dissolves to the outer office a while later.  Everyone, including the guards, are sitting in front of opened boxes of Raisin Puffs with the contents piled in front of them counting raisins.  "I have only forty one!" Mr. Casselman says in disgust.  "Forty nine here," Ms. Abrams reports.  "Thirty eight," Larry states.  "Forty four," Balki says, then, "And the four I eat makes forty eight."  "This is outrageous!" Mr. Casselman complains, "I promise the public one hundred raisins in every box!  Who’s responsible for this?"  He hones in on Mr. Crocker, repeating, "Who’s responsible for this?"

A guilty Mr. Crocker shrugs, saying, "So I skimped a little on the raisins! I saved the company a bundle!"  "Crocker, put those raisins back!" Mr. Casselman orders.  "But sir, the savings to the company . . . "  "Put them back!"  "Yes, sir.  Good idea, sir!"  "And apologize to Mr. Bartkomous," Mr. Casselman adds.  "But, sir . . . . "  "Apologize!" Mr. Casselman insists.  "I’m sorry, Mr. Bartokomous.  Please accept my apology," Mr. Crocker begs.  "Oh, it’s okay," Balki assures him, "To forgive is divine . . . to be an airhead is human."  Mr. Crocker and the security guards leave the office.  "Why my daughter married that nitwit I’ll never know," Mr. Casselman sighs.

"Does anybody want any coffee?" Ms. Abrams tries again, only to receive no’s from everyone.  "I don’t know why I bother!" she moans as she also leaves.  "I’m really glad you brought this to my attention, son," Mr. Casselman tells Balki.  "He called me son!" Balki says to Larry.  "A lot of people think business is cold and impersonal, all we’re interested in is making a buck," Mr. Casselman continues.  "That thought never crossed our minds!" Larry says, then backtracks to say, "Well, that thought never crossed his mind."

"Would you do me a favor?" Balki asks Mr. Casselman, "Would you sign my form letter?"  "Oh, I’d be happy to, son," Mr. Casselman obliges, signing the paper.  Once done he asks, "Have you boys ever seen the city from a helicopter?"  "Well, no!" Larry says, he and Balki looking excited.  "Too bad," Mr. Casselman states, walking to his office and leaving them disappointed.  He stops at the door and turns, laughing, "Kidding!  Just because I’m rich doesn’t mean I’m not a fun guy!  What do you say we go buzz the Kellogg’s factory?"

Back at the apartment, Larry and Balki are in the kitchen as Balki gets two sodas out of the refrigerator and they talk about their day.  "You know, Balki, that Casselman is a fun guy!" Larry says.  "You know what was the best part?" Balki asks.  "Racing the police helicopter?" Larry asks.  "That was fun," Balki agrees, "But no, Cousin, the best part was that thanks to you America is going to have raisins coming out of her ears."  "What do you mean, ‘thanks to me?’  I was the guy who said one man couldn’t make a difference and I was wrong about that."  "Well, yes you did, but you were also the man that says ‘If you want to change something you’ve got to go to the top guy.’"  "Nnnooo, I think I said if you get to the top guy he’d throw you out," Larry corrects.

"Well, you did, but you were also the man that says ‘You’ve got to use subterfuge.’"  "Which didn’t work at all," Larry points out.  "You’re not going to let me say anything nice about you, are you?" Balki asks.  "All right, go ahead," Larry concedes.  "That’s it," Balki says.  Larry looks confused, asking, "Could you say it again?  I missed it."  "Cousin, it’s simple," Balki tries again, "If you hadn’t told me what not to do, I would never have known what I should have been doing.  And because you came with me to stop me from doing what I wanted to do but should not have been doing, I was able to do what had to be done even though you didn’t want me to do it."  Larry is even more confused, but says, "Well, I’m glad I could help."  The show ends on both of their confused expressions.

Script Variations:
There are quite a few differences between the revised shooting script dated May 15, 1987 and the episode which aired:
- As the episode begins, there are empty cartons lying around.  Larry has just unpacked a new stereo and is trying to assemble it.  He reads aloud from the instructions, "Attach lead wire A to terminal B.  Attach lead wire C to terminal D.  Plug in unit."  He plugs it in, then says, "I wonder what you do with lead wire E?"  He checks the instructions and reads, "'Warning: Before plugging in unit be sure lead wire E is properly grounded or electrocution might occur.'"  Larry nervously throws the wire aside as Balki enters with the mail.
- When Balki says to guess what today is, Larry answers, "Tuesday," instead of Wednesday.  Balki first says, "Wrong!" then realizes, "No, it's Tuesday but better than that this is the day we found out how to get rich."  He then mentions Elvira Worth.
- In the second scene, instead of Balki saying, "I have a surprise for you," he asks Larry, "You notice anything different about the apartment?"  "Balki, it's a new apartment," Larry points out, "Everything's different."  Then Balki tells Larry he has a surprise.  This was one of the first episodes filmed in the cousins' new two-bedroom apartment.
- After Jennifer tells Larry that she borrowed her outfit from Mary Anne, Mary Anne pouts and says, "I wanted to wear it."
- The line "Snow White and her Seven Dorks" is not in this script.  Instead Balki said, "So, you see, Raisin Puffs without raisins would be like Cinderella without the dwarves."
- After Mary Anne suggests to Balki that maybe it's a sign he should sell his stock, she adds, "You know, when multi-national companies spread themselves too thin, the quality of their products declines and they leave themselves vulnerable to unfriendly takeovers."  They all stare at Mary Anne a beat.  "I've known her since childhood," Jennifer offers, "There's no explanation."
- When Balki decides to stay behind to count the raisins, Jennifer says with frustration, "Nice going, Mary Anne."  "I didn't know he would get so upset," Mary Anne offers.
- In the third scene, they describe Balki searching for raisins among the flakes, although the cereal is called Raisin Puffs.  He is first seen searching through a pile of cereal on the kitchen table, counting them out.  "Forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine . . . "  He shakes out the box, checking for more raisins.  "Only forty-nine?  Say it ain't so, Joe."  This is when he pours the cereal into the lid of the stereo.
- After Balki tells Larry that he was at the store and starts to count again, Larry asks, "You were at the store?  It's after nine.  Where'd you go?  Seven-eleven?"  This makes Balki lose count again.
- After Balki tells Larry that there aren't nearly a hundred raisins in any of the boxes he makes the comment, "I don't know why they don't just call them 'Puff Puffs.'"  He then sighs, "Oh, Cousin, I'm so disheveled.  My new family has been cheating the public."
- After Balki tells Larry that on Mypos when you own a business you're responsible for everything, he adds, "If someone gets cheated, you have to give him a goat and blush every time you meet him."  "Blush?" Larry asks.  "Well, that's the hard part," Balki continues, "Most people just take beet juice and rub it on their faces, but it's really terrible because when it dries, it gets all crinkly and you look like Willie Nelson with high blood pressure."  A few moments later, after Larry complains that he just wants to go back to the restaurant and have dinner, Balki says, "Cousin, you don't understand.  I have to make this right.  If I don't I'll have to stand on the street corner with beet juice on my face handing out raisins and singing, (sings) 'For All the Girls I've Loved Before.  It's a matter of Myposian honor."  "You do that you'll be arrested," Larry points out.  "Well, then, I'll . . . I'll . . . " Balki reaches, trying to think of something.  "You got nothing, right?" Larry asks.  Balki then comes up with the idea of going to Unicorn and telling them to stop cheating the public.
- After Larry tells Balki that they'll tell him to see the plant manager, Balki replies, "Now we're getting nowhere."
- After Balki points out that if Larry goes with him so they'll be two men with one share, Larry sighs then gives up.  "Okay, look.  I'll make you a deal.  I'll go to Unicorn with you tomorrow if you will come back with me to the restaurant tonight."  "I don't feel like it," Balki says.  "We'll get you a drink with an umbrella in it," Larry coaxes.  Balki looks a little brighter.  "You don't have to eat any of your vegetables," Larry adds.  Balki looks brighter still.  "And you can have two desserts," Larry finishes.  Balki gets as excited as a child.  "Double Chocolate Fudge Blackout Cake?" he asks.  "With whipped cream," Larry confirms.  "Let's go," Balki agrees, and they exit.
- When Larry and Balki arrive at Mr. Casselman's outer office, Balki starts for the man's door.  "Balki, you just can't barge into his office," Larry explains.  "What do I do?" Balki asks.  "First you have to go up to that lady and say you want to see Mr. Casselman," Larry says.  "Thank you, Cousin," Balki offers, "I'm glad you're here."  After telling the receptionist they want to see Mr. Casselman and her asking if they have an appointment then telling them no, Balki turns to Larry and says, "Well, you're a big help."
- Instead of asking, "Do you have some on you?" when Larry says they'll need to use subterfuge, in this script Balki says, "Did you bring any with you?"
- After Larry tells Mr. Crocker that Balki's middle name is Aristotle and Balki realizes Larry is lying, he explains, "I only have one share.  And my middle name is not Aristotle.  It's Bini."
- When the receptionist brings out the coffee she says, "Here's the coffee."  "Forget the coffee.  Get security," Mr. Crocker orders.  "Is there something wrong with the coffee?" the receptionist asks worriedly.  "No," Mr. Crocker sighs, indicating Balki and Larry, "For them."
- As Mr. Casselman is trying to find out what Balki wants to see him about, Mr. Crocker keeps trying to stall, saying, "Sir, you'll be late.  Your helicopter is waiting to take you to your jet."  "It's my jet, my helicopter and my time," Mr. Casselman insists, then tells Balki and Larry, "Talk."
- Balki doesn't say the first part of the line, "To forgive is divine," but he does say, "To be an air head is human."
- In the last scene, when Larry says that Casselman is a fun guy he adds, "Did you believe the people's faces when we landed at the Cub's game?"  "When I asked for a hot dog, I didn't know he was going to do that," Balki says.
- The rest of the script is the same.

Continue on to the next episode . . .