Filmed On: June 19, 1987
Nielsen Rating: 16.3 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 30 - Weigh to Go, Buddy
First Air Date: September 30, 1987
Filmed On: June 19, 1987
Nielsen Rating: 16.3 HH
TV Guide Description: Larry diets without shedding a pound until he agrees to go on Balki's Mypos Diet, consisting of fish-eye soup and pig snouts, which does reduce Larry -- to a junk food maniac.
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Paula A. Roth
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Guest Cast:
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne
Dimitri Appearances:
Dimitri first appears on the main counter
between the kitchen and living room with what looks like a scale in front of
him. When Larry is raiding the refrigerator he is on the same counter but with a
little piece of cake in front of him. When Balki serves Larry fish eye soup
Dimitri is still on the counter wearing what looks like a chef’s outfit.
And
finally he can be seen in the next to last scene on the other counter closer to
the window.
Balki-isms:
"Well, you wouldn’t have to iron
your will so much . . . "
"They give me the pants off their
backs."
"I wash my feet of the whole
business!"
Don’t be ridiculous: Said once
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Oh my Lord!"
"Let me get this straight."
"Balki, Balki, Balki . . . "
"Po, po . . . "
"Oh, right!"
"Yes! Yes!"
Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry panics
Balki throws Larry’s own words back at
him, to which Larry comments that Balki isn’t going to make it easy for him
Larry sniffs
Balki cries until he gets something he
wants
Myposian Rituals:
The Mypos Ritual of Promise
Interesting facts:
- The title of this episode is a pun on the
expression "Way to go, buddy."
- This is only the second time in the
series we see Balki with an actual sheepherder’s crook. He used one in The
Rent Strike to awake the tenants sleeping in Twinkacetti’s store. Oddly enough
the two crooks are not even remotely the same.
- When Balki says "soup is good
food" he’s quoting the then popular advertising slogan for Campbell’s
Soup.
- This episode marks the first time that
Pioli’s Pizza, which is located downstairs in their building, is mentioned.
The name was probably a tribute to Judy Pioli, who would direct later episodes
of the series.
- One of the funniest jokes of this
episode involves Larry telling Balki that the pizza man is a census taker, then
opening the door and yelling out, "Two!" The United States
Constitution mandates a census (a count of the population of the country) be
taken every ten years when census bureau workers go door to
door to compile information on how many residents live in different
cities. While much of the census work has been computerized there are still census
takers who go door to door to compile this information.
- When Balki makes the comment that he
will use Larry’s conscience as his guide, it’s a pun and reference to the
song "Give a Little Whistle" from the Disney animated classic Pinocchio.
- The line "I haven’t got time for
the pain" is from a Carly Simon song by the same name. Balki says this
right after mentioning 7-11, but if there is a connection between the two I am
not aware of it (can anyway shed some light on this? The laugh the lines get
seems to indicate there’s more to the reference than just the song).
Synopsis:
The episode begins with Balki entering the
living room from his bedroom carrying an armful of clothes. He walks past Larry,
who is reading a book 
on the couch, and drops the clothes onto the coffee table
where he starts to fold them. There are already piles of clothes around and a
big cardboard box on the floor. Larry comments that if Balki gives away any more
stuff to the neighborhood clothing drive he won’t have anything left for
himself. "Well, Cousin, I like to live by one principle," Balki
explains, "Happy is the heart of the cheerful giver." After a pause he
adds, "Besides, these aren’t my things, they’re yours."
Larry is shocked and gets up to take back the jacket Balki is holding. "This is my high school chorus jacket!" Larry says as he puts it on, "Got a lot of memories in this jacket." As Larry attempts to button the front he realizes he can’t. Balki comments, "Maybe you should take some of the memories out of the jacket." Larry doesn’t understand, saying the jacket always fit him perfectly. With a sudden realization, Larry runs to the bathroom. "Now Cousin, hiding is not the answer!" Balki calls after him. Larry steps onto the bathroom scale and cries out, "Oh my Lord! I’ve gained seven pounds!"
There is a knock at the front door and
Balki goes to answer it. Jennifer and Mary Anne enter wearing their stewardess
uniforms and carrying bundles of clothes. Mary Anne explains they’ll be in
Australia all week so they thought they’d drop the clothes off. Larry comes
out of the bathroom and Balki points out the beautiful things the girls have
donated, setting them down on a chair by the fireplace. "All that stuff is
too big for us now," Jennifer sighs. Larry sets his chorus jacket on the
couch and tells Balki he can take it, too. Jennifer picks it up and comments on
what a nice jacket it is. "Why don’t you want it?" "Well, for
one thing it’s out of style now . . . " Larry begins. "And for
another thing he gained seven pounds and it don’t fit," Balki adds.
"Of course most of it’s muscle," Larry is quick to comment. Jennifer
assures Larry he looks just fine, asking Mary Anne for confirmation. "Well,
if I gained seven pounds, I’d die!" Mary Anne states.
Jennifer goes on to try to appease Larry
by saying, "I think a little tummy on a man is cute!" Larry and Mary
Anne both look at Jennifer incredulously. Realizing she put her foot in her
mouth, Jennifer suggests they leave, saying they’ll see the guys Saturday.
After the girls have left, Balki smiles at Larry. "Did you hear that?
Jennifer thinks that you and your tummy are cute!" "Sure! Like the
Pillsbury Doughboy is cute!" Larry snaps. He immediately gets in a frenzy,
shouting, "All right, all right! No need to panic!" "Well, I wasn’t
aware I was panicking," Balki says calmly.
Larry calculates that Jennifer and Mary
Anne will get back in seven days so if he loses a pound a day . . . "I can
do it! I’ll eat nothing and exercise continually!" Larry starts jogging
in place as Balki says, "Now Cousin, you know how much I think of you and
that I have 
your best interest at heart so you’ve got to believe me when I
tell you, no way!" Larry infers that Balki doesn’t think he can do it.
"Well, I guess you don’t know Larry Appleton as well as you think you do!
All this takes is self-discipline. Sheer iron-willed self-discipline!"
"Well, you wouldn’t have to iron your will so much if you let me put you on the Mypos Diet," Balki suggests. Larry scoffs at the Mypos Diet, asking "What do you do? Cut down on the pig snout?" "No, it isn’t the pig snout itself that’s fattening, it’s all that junk you put on top of it," Balki explains. "The Mypos Diet, please!" Larry continues, "A country whose King weighs three hundred pounds?" "He has a gland problem," Balki points out. "Balki, you told me he holds the world record for eating jelly donuts." "He’s also very competitive," Balki adds.
Larry says that if he’s going to go on a
diet he’ll choose an American diet. "We know about dieting! We happen to
be the fattest country in the 
world!" Larry starts jogging around the
couch, saying the only diet he needs is the Larry Diet and that all it takes is
willpower. "And when it comes to food, I am Mr. Willpower."
Balki
again tries to convince Larry to put him on the Mypos Diet. Larry finally stops
jogging and turns to Balki. "Balki, listen very carefully to what I’m
about to say." Balki leans his ear closer to Larry’s mouth. "I don’t
want to hear another word about the Mypos Diet in my lifetime," Larry says
seriously. Larry starts jogging again and Balki looks at him scornfully.
"Well, don’t worry about that, Mr. Gut Buster!" Balki says, and
turns to go back to his bedroom. Larry jogs alongside of Balki, then Balki
realizes he forgot something and Larry follows him forward again. Larry keeps
aside of Balki as he walks back toward the bedroom again and Balki stops, eyeing
his Cousin who continues jogging in place. Finally Balki fakes Larry out by
going forward then running back into his bedroom.
Later that night we see the dark living
room as Larry comes out of his bedroom, then sneaks into the kitchen. He
hesitates a moment, then goes
to the refrigerator and opens it to rummage
inside. Balki exits his bedroom, carrying a large sheepherder’s crook and
looking around for the source of the noise he’s heard, thinking it may be a
prowler. Larry realizes Balki is coming but his arms are full of food and the
refrigerator light is on so he reaches down and presses the button to turn the
light off.
Balki enters the kitchen and turns the light on, shouting, "Freeze!" He is shocked to see Larry raiding the icebox. Larry tries to act casual, saying, "I noticed earlier this evening the refrigerator needed a good cleaning." But he doesn’t fool Balki for a second. "So! This is what happens to Mr. Willpower when the sun goes down!" Balki marvels, taking the food from Larry and putting it back into the fridge.
Larry admits he was lying and says Balki
was right, that he can’t do it on his own. "All that exercise and no
food, that’s no way to lose weight! I don’t know what I was thinking!"
Larry continues to suck up, finally saying, "So, maybe you could give me
that Mypos Diet." "Let me get this straight," Balki muses,
"You want me to give you that Mypos Diet." "Yes, give me the
Mypos Diet," Larry repeats. "Well, I’m going to have a little bit of
trouble with that. Why? Because I’m not allowed to mention it in your
lifetime!" "You’re not going to make this easy for me, are
you?" Larry asks. "Nnnn.... no," Balki confesses.
Larry begs Balki but Balki moves to the
couch, saying, "We don’t want to be hasty! Are you sure you want to give
up the Larry Diet? You know, the one where you eat nothing all day then at night
you eat everything in the refrigerator except the light bulb." Larry says
he renounces the Larry Diet and asks again if Balki can give him the Mypos Diet.
"I can’t," Balki says flatly. "Why not?" Larry asks.
"You made fun of my King!" Balki points out. "I’ll take it
back!" Larry says, "I love the King! I’m sorry about his gland
problem!" "He 
has big bones, too," Balki adds. "The biggest!
The best!" Larry boasts. "He is the envy of monarchs everywhere!"
Balki suspects Larry is just saying this to get the Mypos Diet and Larry insists
he’s not, but after a couple of "No, I’m nots" and "Yes, you
ares" Balki says seriously, "Yes, you are!" to which Larry admits
he is.
Balki agrees to give Larry the Mypos Diet as Larry grovels, saying, "But only because you’re so pathetic." Larry thanks Balki over and over. "Balki, I don’t have to eat any strange native dishes, do I?" Larry asks as they get up from the couch. "Well, of course you don’t, don’t be ridiculous," Balki says, then asks, "You’re not allergic to fish eye soup, are you?" Larry gags but Balki assures him it isn’t as bad as it sounds.
Larry insists that Balki promise to help
him stay on the Mypos Diet. "You want me to promise?" Balki asks.
"Yes!" Larry confirms. Balki gets a screwed up expression on his face
holding his hands to his chest and then moving them to his head before placing
them on Larry’s head and running his hands down Larry’s face to his chest.
He finishes by arcing his arms in the air. Larry stands, looking shocked and
confused. "There . . . I did it," Balki announces. "What did you
just do to me?" Larry asks. "I just performed the Mypos Ritual of
Promise," Balki explains. "Am I still a Presbyterian?" Larry
asks. "It means the Earth may crack, the sky may fall, but I will never . .
. never . . . never break my promise," Balki says passionately.
"You won’t?" Larry asks. "What did I just say?" Balki
asks.
The second act opens with Larry standing
on a scale in the living room saying he can’t wait to see how much weight he’s
lost. He looks down and 
is excited to see he’s lost three pounds. Larry thanks
Balki for the Mypos Diet but Balki insists, in a somewhat guilty tone, that
Larry doesn’t need to thank him. Larry insists he does and they argue, which
dissolves into them giving each other curious little shrugging smiles.
Balki moves to the table to serve Larry
dinner, but Larry gets the idea that if he weighs himself without his shoes on
it might be even less. But as Larry moves to removes his shoes he looks down at
the scale and realizes it says minus 5 pounds. "What did you do to the
scale?" Larry asks. Balki says he was afraid that Larry would get
discouraged so he fixed it. "Two pounds?" cries Larry, "I’ve
gained two pounds? Balki, I gained weight! I could’ve eaten chocolate and
gained weight! Instead I’ve spent four days eating fish eyes and pig snout and
little squishy things I don’t want to know about!" "Oh those are . .
. " Balki starts to offer. "I don’t want to 
know!" Larry
insists.
Balki explains that on the first few days of the Mypos Diet you bloat up a little bit but that the weight will go away. Balki encourages Larry to have something to eat and sits him down at the table. "Fish eye soup again?" Larry asks in dismay. "Fish eye soup again," Balki confirms, adding, "Soup is good food." As Balki starts ladling the soup Larry stares down into it with his eyes wide open, staring back at the eyes that are staring up at him. "Now I want you to eat it while it’s hot," Balki explains, "If you let it get cold the eyes will get tough."
In the next scene Larry is at the kitchen
counter on the phone with Pioli’s Pizza, saying, "This is Larry Appleton.
Yes, it’s me again. I want that pizza now! Because there is a man here who has
not had real food for five days and he is very, very hungry!" There is a
knock on the door and Larry tells the person on the phone it’s there, adding
sweetly, "You have a nice day now." Larry runs to the door and opens
it only to have Balki enter with another big bundle of clothes. "Balki!"
Larry says with surprise as Balki puts the clothes onto a chair, "I thought
you were out collecting clothes for the poor!" "Cousin, I was,"
Balki explains, pointing to the clothes, "Look how generous people were.
They give me the pants off their backs."
Larry tells Balki that it’s not enough and that with winter coming he should get back out there and get wool. Larry herds Balki to the front door, but upon opening it they can just see the pizza delivery man standing outside so Larry slams the door shut again. "What am I saying?" Larry improvises, "Wool is itchy." "Who that man?" Balki asks. "Census taker," Larry lies, then opens the door a crack and yells out, "Two!"
To continue to distract Balki, Larry says
he’s lost quite a few inches around the middle and that many of his clothes
are just way too big for him. "Why don’t you go back, go through my
closet and take whatever you like!" Larry pushes Balki into his bedroom,
closing the door behind him. He runs to the front door but Balki comes back out
of Larry’s bedroom and says, "But Cousin, you know, you were already so
generous this morning." "Well, I’m being generous again," Larry
says, grabbing Balki’s chin and pushing him back into the room, again closing
the door.
Larry runs to the front door where the
befuddled pizza delivery man stands waiting. Larry pays the man, saying, "I
wanted it to be a surprise, it’s his birthday . . . you keep the change
now." He closes the door but Balki comes out of the bedroom with one of
Larry’s shirts so Larry opens the front door and throws the pizza box out into
the hallway. Balki points out that he thinks that shirt still fits Larry.
"Oh, doesn’t
matter," Larry insists, "Did you get the
sweaters?" "What sweaters?" Balki asks as Larry leads him back to
his bedroom. "All my cashmere sweaters!" Larry says, "Take them!
Take them!" Larry closes the bedroom door behind Balki again and runs back
to the front door, racing into the hallway and shutting the front door behind
him.
Balki comes out of Larry’s bedroom and looks around, then opens the front door to find Larry holding the pizza box with one slice of pizza in his hand and another in his mouth. Larry’s eyes are wide open in a startled look at having been caught. Balki takes the slices of pizza out of Larry’s hand and mouth, then hits the back of Larry’s head, making his drop the bite of pizza in his mouth into the box, which Balki then takes inside the apartment, Larry close on his heels.
Giving Larry an incredulous look, Balki
scolds, "You should be ashamed of yourself!" Balki takes the pizza box
into the kitchen and dumps it into
the trash can. Larry is thinking fast, trying
to come up with a way out of this. "Well, you know, ordinarily I would be
ashamed of myself but, oh . . . hey, I decided I don’t need to lose all that
weight anyway. I’m perfectly happy the way I am! I’ll go get the
pizza." Larry moves toward the kitchen but Balki grabs the back of his
sweater and holds him in place.
Larry snaps his fingers saying, "Oh, I know . . . it’s the promise thing, right? Balki, you can forget about your promise and we can go on with our lives! I’ll go get the pizza." He tries again to go to the kitchen but Balki won’t let go. Larry tries again. "Balki, Balki, Balki . . . this isn’t Mypos. It’s America! People break promises all the time! That’s why we have all that Indian land! I’ll go get the pizza." But of course Balki still won’t let go.
Finally Larry says, "Forget about the
pizza!" and Balki lets go of his sweater. Larry announces the diet is over
and that’s that, laughing it off. "I mean, it’s just a few extra
pounds! I can learn to live with it! Hey, it may be a good thing . . . the world
loves a fat man! Tell you what . . . I’m gonna go out and grab a bite to
eat." Larry moves toward the door but Balki grabs him around the middle and
picks him up, holding him perpendicular. "You’re not going
anywhere," Balki says calmly. "I’ll stay, I’ll be good, just put
me down!" Larry says.
Balki turns around and drops Larry down on
the couch, which causes a strange sound. "What was that?" Balki asks.
"What was what?" Larry replies, feigning ignorance. Balki reaches down
and lifts the sofa cushion (and Larry with it) to find a package of cookies
underneath. "Oh goodness gracious!" Larry gasps, "Those are
cookies! I wonder who put them there." "I bet it wasn’t the cookie
monster," Balki says. He pulls the cushion up from the other side, tossing
Larry forward, then lets it drop again. "Balki, I don’t know what 
you’re
talking about," Larry insists, putting his legs up on the couch. "Those things have probably been in the couch for years!
I bought it
used."
"Well, I’ll just have to look myself," Balki says, grabbing Larry and throwing him over the back of the couch as he searches under the other cushion. He find a bar of chocolate and holds it up as Larry pops up from behind the couch. "Is this all of it?" Balki asks. "Yes . . . yes!" Larry answers. "You know, I can always tell when you’re lying because you say everything twice," Balki points out. "I’m not lying . . . I am not lying!" Larry insists, then winces, realizing what he’s done. "Well then, I will find the things myself and I’ll use your conscience as my guide," Balki announces.
Slowly Balki makes his way around the
living room, working off Larry’s guilty and worries expressions to find a
variety of treats hidden in odd places; he finds a bag of chips in a container
next to the fireplace, some M&Ms in a candlestick holder, and a box of
donuts (or something similar) in amongst the books on the bookcase. Balki tells
Larry he should be ashamed of himself. Larry acts humble, saying he is and
thanking Balki for saving him from himself. Balki walks away, waving a finger at
Larry and saying "Po po," then stops and walks back to get the
container he’s put all the treats into and carries it into his bedroom.
Larry watches until Balki has closed the
door to his room then reaches over and picked up a sugared donut from the top of
the orange lamp next 
to the couch. He stands, sniffing it and savoring the
smell, not noticing Balki has come back out of his bedroom. Larry is about to
take a bite when he sees Balki and smiles coyly instead. Balki asks Larry to,
"Give me that." Larry becomes defiant, insisting, "I’m eating
this and you can’t stop me!" Balki makes a grab for the donut and they
wrestle over it a bit before Larry manages to throw Balki over the couch.
Running to the fireplace, Larry grabs a boot and holds it up, yelling, "Stay back! I’m not afraid to use this!" This is the last straw for Balki, who sighs and tells Larry to go ahead and eat his stupid donut. Larry is shocked, saying, "What?" "Go ahead and eat it, if it’s that important to you, go ahead!" cries Balki, walking into the kitchen in disgust, "I don’t care! I wash my feet of the whole business!"
"You’re not going to stop me?"
Larry asks in surprise. "No!" Balki answers. "But you’re
supposed to stop me! You promised!" Larry says. "Well, I break my
promise!" Balki states. "Balki, you told me a Mypiot never breaks his
promise!" "Well, a Mypiot never lived with you!" Balki cries,
"On Mypos when you ask somebody to help you, you let them help you! You don’t
fight them. You are the one who want to lose weight and you make me do all the
work. You lie to me and you trick me and now this! You have made our living room
into a 7-11. And I can’t take it any more, I haven’t got time for the
pain."
Balki says he is breaking his promise and
motions with a twisting, breaking turn of his hands over his chest. "There
. . . I hope you’re happy you make me the first Mypiot in history to break a
promise." A very humble Larry says he’s sorry he did this to Balki.
"When I asked you for help I meant it. I never had to lose weight before.
Whenever people said how hard it was I never understood why they didn’t just
eat less. The past few days I’ve learned how hard it is. I should never have
made you take all the responsibility. I wish there was some way I could make it
up to you."
"Well, there is one way," Balki ventures. "There is? I’ll do anything!" Larry states. "You could go back on the diet," Balki says. "I can’t do that," Larry answers quickly. "Well, then I’ll just have to be a Mypiot without honor," Balki sighs, "I suppose I could get used to wearing the hood." "The hood?" Larry asks. "Yes, it’s made from stinky itchy goat hair and it makes your skin break out but that don’t matter so much because no one will ever see my face again." Balki dissolves into tears. "All right, I’ll go back on the diet," Larry agrees. "Okay!" Balki says, brightening instantly.
The final scene shows Balki, Jennifer and
Mary Anne waiting in the living room next to the scale. Balki calls to Larry to
hurry up, that the sooner he weighs himself the sooner they can get something to
eat. As Larry walks over to them Jennifer says, "Larry, you look
great!" "Yeah, have you lost weight?" Mary Anne asks.
"Mary
Anne, he’s been on a diet!" Jennifer reminds her. "Oh, right,"
Mary Anne answers. Balki tells Larry that
they want to see how much less there
is of him. Larry starts to get on the scale but stops, saying, "All right,
now you know the important thing is not whether I gained or lost weight. It’s
that I’ve grown as a person. The inner me is stronger." "Well, we
want to see how much the outer you weighs!" Balki says impatiently, picking
Larry up and setting him onto the scale.
"My self esteem does not depend on a bunch of numbers on a scale," Larry insists, then looks down to see the reading and shouts, "Yes! Yes! I did it! I lost seven pounds!" They congratulate him and Larry says, "Come on, let’s go to dinner." They are walking out the front door when Balki stops and walks back to the scale, stepping onto it. His expression is one of shock as the others re-enter and stand at the door, looking at him.
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