Nielsen Rating: 15.2 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 29 - All the News That Fits
First Air Date: September 23, 1987
Nielsen Rating: 15.2 HH
TV Guide Description: In the second-season opener, Larry lands a job at a major newspaper, which makes him oblivious to the needs of Balki, who seeks more meaningful employment to enhance his life. [Note: this was, in fact, the third-season opener]
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Robert Griffard & Howard Adler
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Guest Cast:
Jo Marie Payton-France: Harriette Winslow
Sam Anderson: Mr. Sam Gorpley
Jack Bernardi: Mr. Feldman
Neil Elliot: Lance
Eugene Roche: Mr. Harry Burns
Dimitri Appearances: In the first scene
Dimitri can be seen sitting on the counter with a tiny hockey stick. In
the last scene he is facing another direction on the counter and is made up like
a mailman.
Balki-isms:
"Oh Cousin, you can read me like a
cheap suit!"
"You really stepped in something good
this time!"
Don’t be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"You really stepped in something good
this time!" (first time)
"Wwowww!"
Other running jokes used in this episode:
The Dance of Joy (mentioned but not done)
Balki laughs at his own joke
Balki mistakes an insult from Mr. Gorpley
as a compliment (first time)
Balki repeats something nasty people have
said about Gorpley to him in an inadvertent way of trying to pay him a
compliment
Balki and Larry grab each other by the
hair / ears / heads
Balki reads aloud very slowly until
finally Larry takes over to read aloud instead
Songs: "Return to Sender" - sung by Balki as he works in the mail room.
Notable Moments:
Larry and Balki have moved to a two bedroom apartment.
The cousins begin working at the Chicago Chronicle.
We first meet Harriette Winslow, the elevator operator, and Sam Gorpley, head of
the mailroom and Balki's boss, as well as Larry's boss, Mr. Burns.
Interesting facts:
- The title of this episode is a spoof of the New
York Times saying, "All the News That's Fit to Print."
- The start of the third season was full
of changes for the show. The cousins live in a new apartment (no reference to
the move is ever made but Balki has his own bedroom and the exterior shots are
of a different building).
- From the first establishing shot of the
Cousin’s new apartment we can see Pioli’s Pizza located on the street level.
Pioli’s Pizza would be referred to several times throughout the show (and was
most likely named for director Judy Pioli who would work on the show in later
seasons).
- With the cousins’ move from working at
the Ritz Discount Store to working at the Chicago Chronicle, no reference to the
Twinkacetti’s would ever be made again, although Larry mentions that the week
before he was working at the Ritz at the beginning of this episode and Balki
says he’s still folding sweatshirts for Mr. Twinkacetti.
- Balki's line "climbing every mountain, fording every
stream" is a reference to the song "Climb Every Mountain" from The
Sound of Music.
- Two running jokes related to Mr. Burns were
unique to this episode only. One was his constant habit of getting Larry's
last name wrong (he finally gets it right at the end of the episode and
remembers it in all other episodes). The other was his perpetual chasing
of the reporter named 
Lance,
who apparently always had an article due.
- This episode introduced Jo Marie
Payton-France as Harriette Winslow, the elevator operator at the Chicago
Chronicle. Harriette would be the only character to be spun off from Perfect
Strangers into her own show, Family Matters, which would end up being
a big hit for ABC. Oddly enough to this day many people don’t even realize that
Family Matters was a spin-off from Perfect Strangers!
-
Also introduced to the series in this
episode was Sam Anderson as Balki’s boss, Sam Gorpley. It seemed natural to
introduce a mean new boss to replace the interaction which took place between
the cousins and Mr. Twinkacetti, but Mr. Gorpley brought a whole new level of
nastiness (and comedy) to the series. Sam Anderson had appeared once on the show before, in
season one as a bank manager in the episode Check This.
-
Veteran actor Eugene Roche joined the
cast for a brief period as Mr. Harry Burns, Larry’s boss and city editor of
the Chicago Chronicle. He would appear in only a few episodes, eventually
introducing the cousins to the paper’s publisher, R.T. Wainwright (played by
F.J. O’Neill), in the episode The Defiant Guys. Mr. Wainwright would
then become Larry’s boss and Mr. Burns would not reappear. Sadly Eugene Roche
passed away in 2004 of a heart attack.
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- When the cousins move to their new
apartment in season three there are several episodes in which the layout of
their living space is different than it would eventually be. In this episode,
plus Taking Stock and The Break In, the front door is located to
the left of the fireplace with the closet door situated to the right of the
fireplace. In all other episodes the front door was located to the right of the
fireplace and the closet was in the hallway leading to the bedrooms. To read
more about this, check out our Watch . . . and Learn article from Issue #1,
Summer 1989.
- A blooper from this episode in which Mark messes
up and says drum instead of paper basket can be seen on our YouTube
Channel, along with other bloopers from the series!
- Harriette blackmails Gorpley into
keeping Balki on by threatening to tell his wife about what he was doing with a
young woman in her elevator the night of the Christmas party. But in the next
season’s The Gift of the Mypiot Gorpley explains his wife divorced him
three years ago, which was longer than the amount of time supposedly between
those two episodes.
Synopsis:
The episode begins with Balki moping
around the apartment, fiddling with a hockey puck as he saunters to the couch
and sits upon it gloomily. 
He’s wearing a Chicago Blackhawk’s t-shirt and
there is a Blackhawks pennant sticking out of the lamp as well. Larry rushes
through the front door and tells Balki that he’ll never guess who he just had
coffee with. When Balki doesn’t venture a guess, Larry tells him, "The
mayor!" Larry goes on to amend that he really didn’t have coffee with the
mayor, that in fact he brought it to the mayor. "But I was there
when he drank it!"
Larry continues excitedly, saying,
"Since I started working at the newspaper this kind of thing happens all
the time! Well, not all the time, but a lot!" He says he can’t
believe that the week before he was selling keychains at the Ritz Discount and
now he’s working for a major Chicago newspaper. Balki, who is clearly unhappy,
politely says that’s nice. Larry sits down on the couch beside Balki, still
bubbling. "Nice? It’s terrific! Balki, I’m the city editor’s right
hand man. Well, not his right hand man exactly, I mean, I run errands for him
but
. . . who cares?
I have my foot in the door! I’m finally on my way . . .
the sky’s the limit! Is that a hockey puck?"
Balki confirms it is. "It landed right next to me in that empty seat. It’s a good thing you weren’t there . . . you’d have a puck-shaped hole in the middle of your head and look like a piggy bank." Balki cries as he’s saying this last sentence, and Larry remembers they were supposed to go to the hockey game. Balki pulls the cover off a cardboard box on the coffee table, revealing a sandwich. "I got you an Italian beef sandwich," Balki offers, "with no peppers. I know how they make you puff up and turn red."
Larry apologizes, saying he completely
forgot. "You have every right to be angry with me." Balki says he’s
not angry, that he’s just lonely, "and a
guess a little hurt."
Larry
tries to talk but Balki continues, saying he’s lonely and hurt, "and I
guess a little disappointed." Once again Larry tries to speak but Balki
expands upon his thought, saying he’s lonely and hurt and disappointed,
"and I guess a little angry." Larry asks if Balki is done and Balki
says yes. But when Larry tries to speak Balki starts again, saying that Larry
never asks about his life.
Larry says Balki is right and that he won’t let it happen again. "How’s your life?" "I have no life!" Balki whines. Balki says he’s happy for Larry. "You’re out there building your dream, climbing every mountain, fording every stream. And I’m still folding sweatshirts for Mr. Twinkacetti." "And that isn’t enough any more, is it?" Larry asks. "Oh Cousin, you can read me like a cheap suit!" Balki cries.
"Balki, you know what you need?"
Larry asks. "A reason to live?" Balki replies. Larry says that Balki
needs to find a new job and points out there are thousands of jobs listed in the
newspaper and that Balki should take the next day off and start looking around.
"Will you come with me?" Balki asks. "I gotta work," Larry
points out. "Oh, I beg your pardon, I forgot . . . you have a life,"
Balki sighs. Larry suggests Balki come down to the paper at lunch the next day
so they can plan his strategy. Balki thanks Larry and Larry apologizes again for
forgetting about the game, picking up the sandwich to eat it. As Larry takes a
bite of the sandwich Balki admits that he was a little upset. "I stuffed a
lot of peppers underneath your beef." Larry starts coughing, choking on the
hot peppers.
The next day in the basement of the
Chicago Chronicle we see a very elderly man exiting the archives with some
materials. He passes the mail desk which is piled high with sacks of mail, then
makes his way past Larry’s desk, which is the only one set up in this area.
"How are you today, Mr. Feldman?" Larry asks nicely. "Not
dead," Mr. Feldman answers. The elevator doors open and people pile out as
the elevator operator steps out and announces, "Okay, basement level . . .
mailroom, storage, archives, garage and Appleton’s desk." She smiles at
Larry and says hi and Larry answers, "Hi, Harriette."
One of the last men to walk off the
elevator talks to two reporters, giving them their assignments. This is Mr.
Burns, the city editor and Larry’s boss (although his name isn’t actually
mentioned until much later in the show). He turns to Larry saying,
"Applegate." "That’s Appleton, sir," Larry corrects his
boss, who then asks if he got the list of the aldermen who drive foreign cars,
which Larry confirms and shows proudly. His boss compliments the work and tells
Larry to find out if the governor drives a foreign car. Larry says he’ll get
right on it and goes back to his desk.
Turning around, the editor is shocked to see the piles of mailbags sitting there. "Why is this mail stacking up here? What’s going on? Where’s Gorpley?" Larry answers that he thinks Gorpley is in his office. "You’d think that the head of the mailroom could at least get the mail distributed!" the editor huffs, then turns to go into the office behind him, shouting for Gorpley.
Balki appears at the top of the tall
staircase behind Larry’s desk, and starts down, apologizing for being late and
saying this is the biggest building he’s ever seen. Larry greets Balki, proud
to show off his new workplace. "I finally made it to the big time!"
"You know what?" Balki asks, "I ask everyone in the building
about you and they never heard of you!" Balki eyes the huge basement and
exclaims, "Is this your office? It’s humongous!" Larry explains that
it’s the mailroom, archives, store room, "and this (indicating his desk)
. . . is my office." Balki congratulates Larry, saying, "You really
stepped in something good this time!"
Larry leads Balki behind the mail desk to
show he picked up the classifieds for Balki before they hit the street. "Wwoww!"
Balki exclaims, "Insider trading!" At this point the editor steps out
with Gorpley and asks why all the mail is there. "This is the mailroom,
sir," Gorpley explains. The editor asks if Gorpley is going to let a great
metropolitan newspaper grind to a halt because he can’t get the mail
distributed. "I’m hiring someone, sir, 
it’s just that he can’t start
for a few days," Gorpley explains. "Well I need someone in this
mailroom today!" the editor exclaims.
Seeing his chance, Balki steps forward, excitedly shaking his hand so that his fingers click against his palm. Eyeing Balki in confusing the editor misconstrues his anxiousness and says, "It’s down the hall next to the water fountain." "I start today!" Balki gasps. "Start what?" the editor asks. "I need a job!" Balki pants. "What’s your name?" the editor asks. "I have no idea!" Balki says, too nervous to think. Larry steps forward and introduces Balki, saying he can vouch for him. "What kind of a car does the governor drive?" the editor asks. "I don’t know, sir," Larry admits. "Do you think you can get that information for me today? Do you need a dime? What is it?" Larry hurries back to his desk.
"You need a job?" the editor
asks Balki. "Yes!" Balki says excitedly. "We’ll give you a
try," the editor offers. Balki thanks the man, hugging him
tightly, much to
the editor’s shock. "We’ll see if it works out," the editor adds,
adding that Gorpley will show him around. Balki holds on to the editor’s hand
in gratitude. "I have to go now," the editor says. "It’s right
down the hall next to the water fountain," Balki offers.
The elevator door opens and man exits. The editor is immediately on him, yelling "Lance! Did you finish that column?" as he chases him toward the parking garage. Larry walks over to Balki to congratulate him on getting the job. "Cousin, isn’t it wonderful? We’ll be working together! Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!" Larry stops Balki before he can really get started, turning to note that Mr. Gorpley is still standing behind them. They settle for a handshake instead.
"Oh, I get it!" Gorpley sneers.
"Cousin! I see, it’s all falling into place. Can you say ‘nepotism’?"
Balki says he’ll try but before he can Larry asks, "Nepotism?" to
which Balki cries, "He asked me!" "You get a job working
for the city editor . . . next thing you know you start bringing in your
family," Gorpley accuses Larry, "Well, your family may have gotten you
in here, but I decide if you stay." Gorpley moves to walk upstairs and
Balki stops him, asking if he isn’t going to teach him the tricks of the
trade. "Figure them out for yourself," Gorpley snarls, and leaves.
"Well, Mr. Gorpley must have a lot of confidence in me!" Balki says
smugly.
Harriette, who has been standing outside
the elevator ever since Lance exited, interrupts by saying, "Excuse me . .
. the only thing Gorpley has is
a nephew who needs a job . . . and you just took
it!" She motions for them to approach her as she gives Balki some advice.
"You’d better be careful. One mistake, and you gone!" Harriette
walks back into the elevator and Balki follows her, thanking her. Larry
introduces them, "Balki Bartokomous, this is Harriette Winslow. Harriette
runs the elevator here." "Oh, well your job must have its ups and
downs," Balki comments, laughing at his own joke.
A nervous Lance approaches, asking, "Is this elevator going up?" "No," Harriette quips, "This week it’s going sideways!" Larry goes back to his desk as Harriette closes the elevator door. Balki notices the elevator button and presses it to find it buzzes. He stands pressing it and singing to it when Harriette opens the door and says, "Don’t do that, baby!"
Gorpley comes down the stairs carrying a
large wire basket full of mail. He takes Balki over to the mail table and says
he wants him to sort the envelopes in order of zip codes. "These don’t
have no zip codes," Balki points out. "Hey, you wanna quit?"
Gorpley asks hopefully. Balki says no, that he wants to do the best job he can.
"You know what I think?" Gorpley asks, "I think this time
tomorrow you’re going to be history." "Oh, well thank you for the
vote of confidence," Balki smiles, "I think we’d better wait ‘til
I’ve earned it." Gorpley goes back into his office and Larry eyes Balki
with a slightly worried expression as Balki smiles obliviously.
The second act opens with Balki standing
at his mail table, singing "Return to Sender" as he works and dances.
Larry appears at the top of the stairs and starts down, calling to Balki. "Look at me, Cousin, I’m a mailman!" Balki exclaims as he carries
two mail sacks to his table (knocking a bunch of stuff off the back table as he
does so). Larry warns Balki to look busy because Gorpley is coming. Balki says
he’s been busy since four
a.m.
"Okay, Balki, watch yourself!" Larry warns. Balki immediately stops in a tense pose, looking down at himself. "Be careful!" Larry clarifies, "Gorpley told his secretary he’s going to get rid of the kid from Mypos today." "Oooh!" Balki gasps, "Point well taken, Cousin!" As Larry walks away Balki suddenly starts. "Do you think he means me?" "I think so," Larry answers as he goes back to his desk, offering, "Hang in there . . . you can beat this!"
Balki empties the two mail bags into his
table and then struggles to gather all of the loose mail into his arms, ending
him in a squat position as he 
carries them toward the back of the mailroom.
Gorpley exits the elevator carrying three boxes and calling to Balki, who has to
turn awkwardly with all the mail in his arms. "Well, you look like you’ve
got time to kill," Gorpley says coldly, walking over to the mail table and
motioning for Balki to join him. Balki laboriously carries the mail back to the
table and stands, still bent over, as Gorpley speaks.
"I volunteered you to address the company Christmas cards . . . by hand. And I need them this afternoon." "Excuse me," Larry interjects, "Isn’t it a little early for Christmas cards?" "I want to avoid the holiday rush," Gorpley explains. He looks back at Balki and snidely remarks, "Merry Christmas." Balki quickly puts the mail he’s holding onto the table and wishes Gorpley a Merry Christmas in return. "I don’t know why everybody calls you a slime bucket," Balki offers sincerely. Gorpley slinks back into his office.
The editor appears at the top of the
stairs, calling out "Applebaum?" Larry corrects his name and meets his
boss halfway up the stairs, then follows him back down. The editor says he’s
short-handed and needs to turn an assignment over to Larry. He explains there’s
a bunch of kids at the Kinsey Youth Center holding a demonstration about someone
wanting to pave over their ball park to create a parking lot and that he wants
Larry to check it out. Larry pulls out his camera bag and says he will get some
pictures the paper will be proud of. "Pictures? I don’t need pictures.
I
need a story. In your job interview you said you’d done some reporting."
Larry explains this is true but that his principle field is photography. "I
have my own camera, my own lenses, my own film . . . . " "Now you’ve
got your own pencil," the editor offers, handing him a pencil, "You
can write, 
can’t you?"
"Write? Oh me? You bet! Yes, I write
constantly . . . I’m a writing fool." Larry says he’ll have that first
thing tomorrow morning. The editor points out that they’re a daily newspaper
and that he needs the story by 4:30. At this moment the editor spots Lance at
the top of the stairs and chases after him again.
Balki comments that he didn’t know Larry could write. Larry is putting on his coat as Harriette stands watching. "Of course I can!" Larry explains, "I studied journalism in college. I know the five W’s of reporting . . . who, what, how, when . . . how? No, how’s an H. How . . . what . . . who . . . who . . . hoo boy, I’m in trouble!"
Later that day Larry is sitting at his
desk with paper everywhere and a pencil in his hand, in his mouth and behind his
ear. He’s looking pained as he reads over the paper in his hand. At his
worktable, Balki announces he’s finished the four hundred Christmas cards.
In
exasperation, Larry
throws down all three of the pencils in succession and
sighs. "Who am I trying to kid?" he exclaims, "I’m not a
reporter, I’m a litter bug." Balki walks over to Larry’s desk and says
that Larry is being too hard on himself. "Cop a mellow attitude!"
Balki urges.
Balki smooths out one of the crinkled pieces of paper on Larry’s desk and reads it over. "Now you know, this looks pretty good to me," he announces. "Pretty good?" Larry says, "Pretty good, you think that’s what I want to hear from Mr. Burns when he reads my first article? ‘Pretty good, Appleberg.’" "Appleton," Balki corrects. "I know my name!" Larry cries. Larry moans that this is for the Chicago Chronicle and if it’s not great he won’t get a second chance.
Mr. Gorpley exits his office and calls
Balki over, asking if he’s finished. Balki confirms that he has, much to
Gorpley’s consternation. "This is all of them?" he asks
incredulously. "Yes, I’m sorry it take so long but I thought that I would
alphabeticalize them," Balki explains. "You think you’re pretty
smart, don’t you?" Gorpley asks. "Well, I’m no Sam Donaldson . . .
" Balki shrugs humbly. "We’ll see how smart you are," Gorpley
smirks, holding up a paper. "I need one hundred copies of this flyer.
You’ve
got ten minutes." Balki explains that the copy machine is broken.
"Hey, relax! I’m looking out for ya!" Gorpley says smoothly,
"You can use the mimeograph machine." He shows he has the stencil all
set up for Balki all ready and hands it to him, repeating that he has just ten
minutes. "And if you can’t do the job, I know someone who can!"
He
gives Balki a phony smile as he walks up the stairs.
Larry, who’s still working on his
article, asks Balki if he needs help with the mimeograph machine. Balki says no,
then sighs, "Just . . . point it out to me." Larry gets the machine
from behind the stairs and tells Balki to wheel it to his table as he plugs it
in. Balki wheels the machine toward his 
table as Larry takes the cord and moves
the opposite direction to plug it in, but the cord is too short and Larry ends
up getting pulled down to the ground when Balki wheels the machine too far and
too fast.
Balki wheels the huge machine back to where Larry can plug it in and Larry asks Balki to get the stencil and then the paper. Larry places the stencil in the machine and sets it up for Balki showing him how to turn it on. "Get it?" Larry asks. "Got it!" Balki answers. "Good," Larry finishes and goes back to his desk. Larry starts typing on his article as Balki turns on the mimeograph machine and the copies start flying out loosely onto the floor as Balki tries to catch them. After a moment the papers stop coming out and Balki is flustered, not understanding why it’s stopped working. Larry asks how it’s going without looking and Balki lies, saying it’s going fine and encouraging Larry to continue working on his article.
Finally Balki stops the machine and Larry
looks around, seeing Balki is having trouble. Balki tells Larry it’s no
problem but Larry runs over to help anyway. Mr. Burns appears at the top of the
stairs, calling out "Applebee!" He says he needs the article in five
minutes then exits again as Larry once again corrects his name. Larry is
obviously torn between finishing his article and helping Balki with the
mimeograph. He finally decides and walks over to Balki to help. Balki pushes
Larry back to his desk, saying he has to do his article. Larry pushes Balki back
over to the mimeograph. Balki pushes Larry back to his desk again.
Larry ends up pushing Balki aside and goes
to the machine, realizing that all the papers are jammed under the drum. The
machine starts running 
again but the papers are still flying out onto the floor.
Larry tells Balki to get the paper basket to catch the copies in and Balki runs
to get it. Larry makes some adjustments to the mimeograph and turns it on again,
not realizing that his tie is now in the drum. When he turns the machine on it
pulls his tie in, pulling Larry down toward the machine and trapping him.
Balki runs back and eyes the situation in shock. "Cousin! It’s alive! And it’s hungry!" he cries. Larry yells to turn it off but Balki tries and can’t. Balki grabs Larry by the neck and tries pulling him out of the machine, then when that doesn’t work he grabs Larry’s head and then his ears and keeps pulling. Larry cries "The plug!" repeatedly to Balki, finally grabbing Balki by the hair and insisting, "The plug!" Balki cries ow and when Larry releases him runs over and pulls the machine’s plug out of the wall. The machine releases its grip but still has the end of Larry’s tie in the drum.
The elevator door opens and Mr. Burns
steps out, calling "Appleton! Where is the story?" Unable to move away
from the machine, Larry explains that something came up and he still has a bit
of polishing to do. In an attempt to help, Balki grabs a pair of scissors and
without a word cuts Larry’s tie in half, freeing him. "This is news, not
silverware!" Mr. Burns cries, "I need a story!"
Balki runs to Larry desk and picks up one of the wrinkled paper lying there and hands it to Mr. Burns, saying it was his fault that he accidentally threw Larry’s article away but that he’s found it. Larry tries to explain that’s not the final version as Mr. Burns reads it but the editor stops Larry, saying "It’s pretty good." Larry is happy to hear this. Mr. Burns smiles, saying, "See you on Monday, Appleton! Then maybe you can explain to me why you were trying to mimeograph your tie!" Mr. Burns walks into the store room.
"Balki, did you hear that?"
Larry asks excitedly. "Yes! He got your name right!" Balki answers.
"No, no, he said I did a great job!" Larry corrects. "Well, what
he actually said was ‘pretty good,’" Balki points out, "which, as
you remember, I also said . . . . " Mr. Gorpley exits the elevator, looking
at his watch and happily announcing, "Time’s up, Bartkomous!" Balki
scrambles to gather the mimeographed copies from the floor as Larry stops
Gorpley, trying to distract him. When this doesn’t work, Larry says, "Mr.
Gorpley, you have got a goldmine here! Just look at him! You’ll never find
anyone who will work as hard as he will! How can you fire a man like that?"
Balki stands, holding the messy copies in his hands, and says, "Mr. Gorpley,
I have only nineteen flyers. I have failed you." "Yes, you have . . .
you’re fired," Gorpley states flatly, then turns to Larry. "See how
easy it was?" he smirks.
Larry is incensed, saying Gorpley won’t
get away with it and that Balki has done everything he’s been asked to and
that the man has no right to 
fire him.
At this moment Harriette steps forward,
having heard the conversation. "Excuse me, sugar," she tells Larry,
"you’re going about this the wrong way." She steps past Larry and
begins, "Gorpley . . . I was gonna save this for something big, but I like
the kid. Now either he stays or I tell your wife what you were doin’ with Miss
Passorelli in my elevator during the Christmas party!" Gorpley tries to
feign innocence, stating, "I don’t know what you’re talking
about!" "Can you say ‘alimony’?" Harriette asks. Readnig
Harriette’s serious face, Gorpley finally says, "Hey, I like the kid,
too!" He turns to Balki and says he can stay and can finish the flyers next
week. Gorpley turns to give Harriette a nasty look, which Harriette returns even
stronger. Gorpley goes back to his office.
Balki hugs Harriette and thanks her.
"Well, I figured someone had to look out for you," she smiles, going
back to her elevator. Larry steps forward and shakes Balki’s hand.
"Congratulations, Balki, you’re going to be here next week!" "Well, we’ll both be here next week!" Balki smiles.
"I was here
last week!" Harriette interrupts, "Wan’t no big deal!"
Back at the apartment, the cousins hurry in the door with the latest edition of the newspaper and hurry to the kitchen table where they sit down. "All right," says Larry, "Let’s see what Larry Appleton has to say about the protest at the Kinsey Youth Center." They open the paper with a gasp together, scanning all four corners before ripping open the next page with the same gasp and same four corner scanning. They repeat this with each turn of the page, going faster and faster until they are both left breathless and dizzy.
Finally Larry rifles through towards the
back of the paper until he finally finds the article. Balki offers to read it
but does so very slowly so Larry takes the paper and reads it aloud. "Students at the Kinsey Youth Center staged a demonstration to protest the
building of a parking lot over their ball field. A spokesman for the builders of
the parking facility promised to meet with the students to discuss their
grievances." Larry basks in the moment as Balki is moved to tears.
"That was beautiful!" Balki sobs.
Larry points out that the article wouldn’t
have made it into the paper if Balki hadn’t fished it out of the trash. Balki
points out that Larry helped him with his work when he was on a deadline, and
Larry insists that he just saw Balki was in trouble. "But you risked your
job for 
me!" Balki says, going to get a photo album from the cupboard, as
well as a bottle of rubber cement. "Aw, it was instinct," Larry
explains, "You know, Balki, I think working together at the newspaper is
going to be great!" Balki agrees as he opens the scrapbook and opens the
rubber cement then looks down at the article which Larry has cut out of the
paper. "Cousin, your first newspaper article!" Balki moves to take it
but Larry does a little more trimming. "The first of many!" Balki
adds, as Larry does still more trimming and so Balki applies a large amount of
rubber cement to the scrapbook page in preparation. "And you know what?
You’re
going to have to buy a bigger scrapbook!" Larry finally hands Balki the
article, which is a tiny square of newspaper, even smaller than the area of
rubber cement Balki has slathered on the blank scrapbook page. "But not for
a long, long time," Balki adds, placing the little article on the big page.
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