Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 28 - Up on a Roof

First Air Date: May 6, 1987
Nielsen Rating: 13.4 HH

Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Dale McRaven
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton|
Ernie Sabella: Mr. Donald Twinkacetti

Guest Cast:
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri can be seen facing outward as he sits on the shelf dividing the kitchen from the living room in the first scene.  In the final scene he is sitting in nearly the same place but is facing left and appears to be wearing either sunglasses or 3-D glasses.

Balki-isms:
"Well, it would be nice if you were launched!"
"Over my dead battery!"
"Now you’re talking, turkey!"
"Cousin, you’ve flipped your coin!"
"Just like the time Mary Anne got her picture in the paper because she got her head stuck in a chain link fence."

Don’t be ridiculous: Said three times.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Wwowwww!"
"I don’t think so!"
"You tricked Balki!"
"Don’t do that."
"What was the question?"
"Question . . . "

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry drinking Maalox from the bottle
The Dance of Joy
Balki laughs at his own joke
Twinkacetti’s angry growl

Songs: "Theme from The Patty Duke Show" - sung by Balki as he’s lint painting.

Interesting facts:
- The title of this episode is a play on the name of a 1962 Drifters song called Up On the Roof.
- Sequentially, this episode should have aired before the episode Tux for Two, since it’s the photo contest from this show, in which Larry places tenth, which leads to his invitation to the black tie opening party of the Roger Morgan exhibit in the other episode.
- This is actually the first time Balki mentions the dish Ding Ding Machmud.  Larry has to ask what it is, to which Balki replies, "Pig snout with saffron."  Larry then replies with the classic retort, "No thank you . . . I’m on a low saffron diet."
- The beginning of this episode utilizes some interesting camera shots in which the cousins would communicate with one in the foreground and the other at a distance in the background in the same shot.  This style, while working well in this instance, would not be used very often in the series.
- It was unusual to see Jennifer or Mary Anne appearing on the show individually but in this case Mary Anne makes an appearance in this episode while Jennifer does not.
- To distract Balki, Larry claims to see the Wicked Witch of the West.  The Wizard of Oz references were not uncommon in the series, probably because Bronson is a major Wizard of Oz fan and collector.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- When Balki leans over the side of the roof to peer in the window there is no way he could safely lean over so far as is shown from that angle.
- Similarly Larry said the house is only two stories high, but when we see the shot from the roof to the street below it looks like it was taken from a much greater height.
- The amazing TorinoKitty on the Forums spotted this hilarious blooper which she screen capped for us.  On the long shot of Twinkacetti's house it's clear the house is a prop on a set, as the bottom corner can be clearly seen on the cement soundstage floor.  Also there's a red mat at the front that is most likely a safety mat in case the actors slip off the "roof."

Synopsis:
As the episode begins we see Balki working on a canvas set upon an easel by the window as he sings a personalized version of the Patty Duke theme song: "While Larry adores the minuet, the Ballet Russes and crepe suzette; but Balki like to rock ‘n roll, the hot dog make him lose control . . . what a wild duet; still they’re cousins . . . "  At this moment Larry walks in the front door and Balki greets him with "Hi, Cousin!"

Larry is obviously in a bad mood and sets down his camera and equipment before going to the refrigerator to get his bottle of antacid.  Balki informs Larry that if he’s hungry there’s some Ding Ding Machmud on the bottom shelf.  "What’s Ding Ding Machmud?" Larry asks.  "Pig snout with saffron," Balki answers.  "No thank you," Larry quips, "I’m on a low saffron diet."

Larry takes a swig of his Maalox and walks to Balki see what he’s doing.  Balki explains he’s doing a Myposian lint painting.  "On Mypos we waste nothing," Balki explains, then continues, "Interesting story . . . the first one was done by Brektos, our spiritual leader in the storybook days, and the legend says that he went up on the mountain for sixty day and sixty night to contemplate his navel and when he came down he had a lint painting."  Balki asks Larry how he likes it and Larry hesitates then offers, "You can hang this under any rug in the world."  Balki, not understanding this is not a compliment, is flattered.

Balki says that it’s because of Larry taking so many photos for the photo contest that he got back into lint painting, wanting to also do something creative.  "Well, I’m glad one of us benefited from all my hard work," Larry sighs, moving to the couch.  Balki asks Larry if can’t pick a photo to enter into the contest.  "Yes . . . none of them," Larry answers.  "What?  You’re not going to enter the photo contest?" Balki asks in surprise.  Larry explains that the Chicago Gazette Photo Contest is one of the most prestigious there is.  "It was just a crazy dream.  I thought if I won my photojournalism career would have been launched."  "Well, it would be nice if you were launched!" Balki offers.

Balki doesn’t understand because Larry has been taking pictures for three months.  "You must have a hundred here!"  "A hundred and six," Larry confirms, "and they all stink."  "No, they don’t!" Balki insists, "They are very, very good!"  "Balki, very, very good will not win this contest," Larry explains, "I need that one special picture.  I need something . . . extraordinary!  Something that’ll make the heart of man leap within him!  Something that sums up the meaning of life.  You know what I mean?"  "Well, of course I do, don’t be ridiculous!" Balki answers, then adds, "You need something . . . a little different."

Picking up a picture from the coffee table where Larry has his photos spread, Balki asks, "Well, what about this one of the kitty cat being carried away by the big bird?  That’s different!"  "Balki, look at the kitty cat’s face," Larry says, "What do you see?"  Balki has to turn the picture upside down and then notes, "Fear."  Larry takes a second look and then replies, "Sure, you see fear.  But the keen eye of the photographer sees a kitty cat with three whiskers on the left side of his face . . . and two on the right!  There’s no symmetry!"  Balki gives Larry an incredulous look then settles for, "Ooookay."  Picking up another picture Balki asks, "What about this one of the fireman catching the baby that was thrown from the burning building?"  Larry is already shaking his head no before Balki can finish asking.  "It’s been done," he explains.

"Why am I even talking to you about this?" Larry asks impatiently, "You probably don’t even have photographers on Mypos!"  "Well, no we don’t," Balki confesses, "but we have a guy named Nikoli who has a very good memory.  Whenever we have a fire, Niki’s the first thing we save."  "Well good," Larry says facetiously, "Why don’t we enter Niki in the contest?  He has a better chance than me!"  Larry gets up and walks into the kitchen to put away his Maalox but Balki follows him, saying he sees what Larry is doing.  "You had the crazy dream and you spend three months taking pictures and now with only one day left you’re just going to roll over and die?"  "That’s basically what I had in mind, yes," Larry agrees.

"Well, let me tell you a story about a immigrant boy who had a crazy dream to come to America . . . " Balki begins.  Larry interrupts him, saying he’s heard this story and it isn’t going to do him any good.  "I’m feeling sorry for myself," Larry explains, "If you were a real friend, you’d join in."  "Well, I do feel sorry for you," Balki states, "Poor little Larry Appleton.  He could have been a great photographer but he’ll never know, because he gave up!"  Balki walks back to his lint painting as Larry moans, "Oh, I hate it when you do this."  "In the years to come you’ll back on what you might have been and you’ll remember that your best buddy Balki said, ‘Keep trying, Larry Appleton!’ but you didn’t," Balki warns.  "Can’t you just let me accept failure?" Larry asks.  "Over my dead battery!" Balki exclaims.

Larry says that he doesn’t know what he’ll be able to find in just one day but he’ll give it a shot.  "Now you’re talking, turkey!" Balki says enthusiastically, then adds, "Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!"  He starts the dance but Larry doesn’t join in.  "Balki, why don’t we hold up that," Larry asks, "At least let me find the picture."  He walks back to the door to get his camera as Balki follows, saying he knows that Larry will find the perfect picture.  "Yeah, and pigs can fly!" Larry scoffs.  "That would make a great picture!" Balki states.  Larry leaves and Balki stands, saying to himself, "The man just needed a little push."

Later, Larry is working the counter at the Ritz Discount Store when Mary Anne walks in, saying she got their mail again.  "It’s an easy mistake," she says, "I’m in 302, you’re in 203.  Perhaps the mailman has lysdexia."  "That’s dyslexia," Larry corrects.  "Is that it?  I always get that word turned around!" Mary Anne asks Larry if he’s sent a picture for the photo contest yet.  Larry says he hasn’t but that he’s found the perfect shot and that he’s going to take it that afternoon.  "It’s a little church with a cross on the steeple but that’s not the shot.  I am so proud of myself, there’s not a photographer in a million who would have ever seen this shot!  At exactly 6:02 the setting sun drops between these two big buildings and a shaft of light hits the cross, turning it this brilliant gold and it glows like something supernatural.  It only lasts for a second and then it’s gone.  It’s beautiful."  "Yeah, churches are nice," Mary Anne nods, then says "See ya!" and walks away.

As Mary Anne exits the store Balki enters excitedly.  He runs to the counter and takes off his jacket, explaining to Larry that he was late because Mrs. Twinkacetti asked him to move some furniture in her house, " . . . and behind the dresser I found a goldmine in dustballs!"  He shows Larry a pouch which he squeezes slightly, shooting dust into Larry’s face.  Larry tells Balki to forget the dust and explains that he found the photo for the contest.  He begins to explain the shot of the church when Balki interrupts, "Wait a minute, this isn’t the little church where the setting sun falls between two tall buildings and casts a shaft of light on the cross that makes it glow a brilliant gold as if it had taken on a life all its own, is it?"  Trying to ignore this, Larry says, "Well, it’s the angle that’s important!  What I’m going to have to do is . . . "  "Get on the roof of the building across the street," Balki interferes.  Larry tries again, "The address is . . . "  "2831 Garfield," Balki finishes.  "Could I tell this?" Larry asks.  "Oh well I wish you would," Balki answers.

Larry says he has to get the shot that afternoon, so he has to get the owner’s permission and Balki is going to have to help him get all his equipment to the top of the roof.  Larry believes he has the photo contest in the bag.  "I’m on my way to the good life!"  "What means ‘the good life?’" Balki asks.  "It means the, uh . . . good . . . . life," Larry struggles, unable to think of any other way to put it.  "Wwowww!!" Balki says, then, "I am so happy for you!  Now we can do the Dance of Joy!"  "You bet!" Larry agrees.  They break into the Dance of Joy as Mr. Twinkacetti walks out of his office to the cash register.  Once the cousins have finished the dance, Twinkacetti says, "Hey! (to coincide with their last "Hey!")  Fred and Ginger . . . front and center!"

The guys hurry to the cash register as Twinkacetti takes out some money and explains that he’s taking the rest of the day off to be with his lovely wife and lovely children at his less-than-lovely mother-in-law’s.  "Appleton, this is what I want you to do . . . I’ll get there around four.  Call my wife and tell her the store is on fire.  That way I gotta come back and spend the rest of the weekend playing poker!  See ya!"  He turns to leave but Larry stops him, saying he can’t tell his wife there’s a fire in the store.  "Right," Twinkacetti realizes, "I’ve used that excuse before.  Tell her the turnip locked himself in the safe!  Who wouldn’t believe that?"  He tries to leave again but Larry says he can’t tell her that either.  Twinkacetti yells at Larry to make something up.

Balki tries to interject but Larry stops him, telling Twinkacetti that he will not lie to his wife for him.  "Appleton, one day you will want something from me and no matter how small that something is my response will be a well-known gesture."  Twinkacetti leaves and Balki informs Larry that the building Larry wants to get on top of to take the photograph is Mr. Twinkacetti’s house.  Larry breaks into tears and Balki says, "Oh, don’t cry!"  Larry immediately stops, saying, "All right" and looks determined.  "That was easy!" Balki says in amazement, "You know, you’re bouncing back better all the time!"  Larry states firmly, "Balki, you and I are going to get on that roof and we are going to get that picture even if it kills us!"  Balki looks happy until he realizes what Larry has said, then looks understandably worried.

Act two begins on top of the windy Twinkacetti house as a ladder suddenly appears.  Larry scrambles up the side of the A-frame roof, reaching the top.  Balki hands up his tripod and asks Larry if he can give him a hand, but a determined Larry is focused only on the task at hand.  Balki manages to climb to the top of the roof as well as Larry sets up on the other end.  "I don’t like this!" Balki states, "We’re not supposed to break into somebody’s house!"  "We’re not breaking into Twinkie’s house we’re breaking onto his house!" Larry corrects Balki, pointing out that Twinkacetti isn’t even home and that they’ll be done in five minutes.

"It’s pretty far down!" Balki realizes.  "Only two stories," Larry assures his cousin.  "The roof is pretty steep," Balki notes.  "I hadn’t noticed," Larry dismisses the comment, removing the lens cap from his camera which rolls down the side of the roof.  "Oh Balki, get that for me, will you?" Larry asks.  "I don’t think so," Balki says.  Balki points out that Larry is the one who’s afraid of heights.  "You scream if you stand up in the bathtub!"  Larry explains that he has to get this picture and his whole future depends on it.  "Nothing’s going to stop me!  There are no obstacles and absolutely nothing can go wrong!"  "I know that nothing can possibly go wrong but . . . have you noticed that it’s getting a little windy?" Balki calls over the gale that is blowing around them.

Larry only admits it’s a little breezy and assures Balki that he has everything in his camera bag you could possibly need in a photographic emergency, placing his camera around Balki’s neck.  He reaches into the bag and pulls out sandbags.  "We can’t have the tripod blowing off in the wind now, can we?"  "What about me blowing off the roof?" Balki asks.  "You’re not in a photographic emergency," Larry says.  "I’m human!" Balki cries.  "That’s not good enough!" Larry insists, promising to be off in two minutes.  He finishes setting up the tripod and asks Balki to hand him his camera.

Balki takes the camera from around his neck but doesn’t hand it to Larry.  Larry asks for it again.  "No . . . I have the camera and I say we get off the roof!" Balki states.  The cousins get to their feet and Larry insists that Balki give him the camera.  "Uh uh!" Balki refuses.  Larry approaches Balki as Balki backs up.  Finally Larry points off into the distance, saying, "Oh look!  There’s the Wicked Witch of the West!"  Balki turns to look and Larry lunges forward, grabbing the camera as he swings around on a pole to return to his original spot, shouting "Ha ha!" in triumph.  "You tricked Balki!  There was no witch!" Balki cries.

Larry returns to the tripod and places the camera on it, saying there’s no way he’s getting off the roof, saying he’s taken the shot a million times in his head and has planned every minute detail.  He swings the camera around only to find it’s facing a brick chimney.  "Where’d that chimney come from?" Larry asks.  "I bet it came with the house!" Balki jokes, laughing.  "What idiot architect would put a chimney where it blocks the view of the beautiful church?" Larry cries, "Where have all the good craftsmen gone?"  "Maybe they were blown off the roof," Balki speculates.

"Cousin, you’ve flipped your coin!" Balki observes, "You have a plenty of good picture at home!"  Larry thinks a moment then takes the camera off the tripod and announces that if he can get on top of the chimney he can still get his shot.  Larry heads for the chimney and Balki starts after him to stop him but slips and slides down the side of the roof.  He manages to hang on to an A frame over a window and stops himself from falling, although he hears a telephone ringing inside.  Peeking down to look, Balki can see Mr. Twinkacetti answering the phone and saying he can make the card game after all.  "I told my wife the turnip got locked in the safe!  She bought it!  Who wouldn’t?  See you at eight!"

Larry is now clinging to the edge of the chimney, his legs scrambling for a foothold.  He calls to Balki for help.  "Hush!" Balki urges.  "Never hush a man who’s hanging by his fingertips!" Larry insists, then calls loudly for help again.  "Mr. Twinkacetti’s home!" Balki explains.  Larry calls much more quietly for help.  Balki helps Larry back onto the roof and says they have to get off before Mr. Twinkacetti catches them but Larry says he still has 50 seconds to get the picture.  He edges himself around the chimney and explains that if he holds onto the TV antenna there he can lean past the chimney and get his photo.  Balki comments that the picture of the kitty cat is looking better all the time.

As Larry leans over the edge of the roof holding onto the antenna it starts to bend, causing Larry to lean out further and further.  "You know, I’m getting an optical illusion!" Larry notes, "It looks as if the church is getting closer and closer!"  Balki realizes the antenna is bending and tells Larry to come back.  Larry says it will hold for five more seconds.  He counts down the seconds and just as he reaches "one" the sun disappears behind some dark clouds.  "Where is the shaft of light, where’s the sun?" Larry cries.  Balki sees the clouds over his shoulder and says, "Maybe it’s behind those big black clouds over there!  Cousin, don’t panic, just slowly come back here!"

Larry cries that the weather report had said it was supposed to be sunny and what is he going to do.  "Cousin, just to get an idea of where you are, you might look down," Balki suggests.  Larry looks down to see he’s precariously dangling high above the street.  He screams and struggles to get back onto the roof with Balki helping him.  Balki insists that they get off the roof but Larry remembers he’s afraid of heights.  "Well, you picked a fine time to remember that!" Balki sighs, then suggests, "Okay, we’re going to wait until it gets dark and then you won’t see how far down it is."  "Did I mention I’m afraid of the dark?" Larry asks.  They slide down into a sitting position to wait.

Once it gets dark Balki tells Larry so he can open his eyes and they can get off the roof.  Larry complains that this is all Twinkacetti’s fault.  "Boy, the next time I see him, he’s in trouble!"  Twinkacetti suddenly appears, scrambling from the ladder onto the roof and asking what they’re doing up there.  "Mr. Twinkacetti, this is all my fault," Larry crumbles.  "That goes without saying!" Twinkacetti yells.  "I was trying to get a picture of the church for my photo contest," Larry cries.  "But he didn’t get the picture," Balki explains.  "Cry me a river!" Twinkacetti says callously.  "Okay," Larry agrees and starts crying.

Twinkacetti tells them to get off his roof but as they start to move the wind blows the ladder down.  "Now I’m stuck up here and it’s your fault!" Twinkacetti yells.  "My fault?" Larry cries, "You wouldn’t be up here if you were with your wife and kids like you’re supposed to be!"  "I wouldn’t have come up here if you weren’t playing Tarzan on my antenna!" Twinkacetti points out. "Well, I wouldn’t have had to if you’d put your chimney on the right side of your house where it belongs!" Larry snaps.  "I’m gonna put my fist where it belongs!" Twinkacetti snarls.

Larry and Twinkacetti move to one another and start to fight as Balki tries to break them up.  Balki slips suddenly and Twinkacetti, sitting on top of the roof, holds onto Balki’s right arm as Larry, who’s holding onto Balki’s left arm, swings down toward the edge of the roof but manages to stay on his feet.  Larry manages to climb back up and together he and Twinkacetti pull Balki up to sit between them.

"We have to stop fighting and find a way to get off the roof!" Balki insists.  "What did you have in mind?" Larry asks.  Balki cries for help but Larry tells him to save his voice.  "No one can hear you because their windows are closed, and do you know why their windows are closed?"  "Because it’s starting to freeze?" Balki asks.  "Bingo!" Larry confirms.  "I’m sorry I got that right!" Balki cries.  "What else can possibly go wrong?" Larry asks.  At that moment there is a clap of thunder and it starts to rain.  "It was a rhetorical question," Larry assures them.

"You know, this might be a good chance for us to just chat and get to know one another," Balki suggests.  "I’m going to throw the turnip off the roof!" Mr. Twinkacetti states, "If we’re lucky, he’ll drag himself to get help.  If we’re unlucky, we’re still lucky!"  There is a another clap of thunder and a flash of lightning.  Twinkacetti suddenly cowers, saying he hates thunder.  He clings to Balki’s arm in fear.  "You know, there’s something aesthetically pleasing about your face when you’re terrified," Larry notes as he starts taking pictures of his whimpering boss, who is now calling out for his wife.

After a flash of lightning Larry is excited, saying his thinks he captured Twinkacetti’s face framed by lightning.  "You’re cruel, Appleton!" Twinkacetti growls.  "No, I’m not!" Larry says, then asks Twinkacetti to "hold that whimper."  A streak of lighting suddenly shoots out of the sky and hits the pole next to Larry, which falls to the roof as Twinkacetti screams.  "What’s that?" Balki cries.  "I don’t know," Larry says, reaching for the pole, "Is this another TV antenna?"  "It’s a lightning rod!" Twinkacetti cries as Larry scrambles back from it quickly.  "That draws lightning?" Larry asks.  "It’s a real good one, too!" Twinkacetti assures them.  "If we stay up here, we’ll die!" Larry cries.  The three of them climb to their feet and start screaming for help.

At the apartment some days later, Balki and Larry are sitting at breakfast as Balki is looking at the newspaper.  "Larry Appleton, tenth place!" Balki says proudly.  "Yeah, I’m good all right," Larry agrees, "I even helped somebody else win first prize."  "I think it was very nice of someone to take that picture of the fireman rescuing us from the roof."  Larry looks over at the picture and comments, "It’s a terrific picture . . . if you call that composition."  Balki points out that it’s wonderful that Larry won tenth place.  Larry thanks Balki for making him keep trying and for helping him get the picture.  "And for saving your life," Balki adds.  "That, too," Larry agrees.  Balki says, "Cousin, I couldn’t let you quit . . . or die.  And if you ever see me giving up you must stop me, too.  That’s what friends do for each other."

Balki suggests they go down to Curly’s news stand and buy every newspaper he has to send to everyone Larry knows "Just like the time Mary Anne got her picture in the paper because she got her head stuck in a chain link fence."  "It was her hair," Larry corrects, then goes on to say, "Balki, I don’t need to buy newspapers ‘cause I don’t need to brag."  Balki points out it’s a great accomplishment and that Larry should be proud.  "I don’t need to send a newspaper to anyone, the important thing is that I know," Larry assures Balki.  "Wwowww!" Balki says, impressed.  "You’re some humble guy!"

They get up and move to the couch as Larry points out that most of it was blind luck.  "I didn’t get the picture I was after."  "Yes, but if you hadn’t risked your life, and mine, trying to get the picture of the church you never would have gotten this picture of Mr. Twinkacetti framed by lightning!" Balki points out.  "It is pretty good, isn’t it?" Larry asks.  "Good?  Good?  Good?" Balki exclaims, then asks, "What was the question?"  Larry announces that to celebrate he’s going to take Balki to his favorite place.  "Not the petting zoo?" Balki asks excitedly.

They move to the closet to get their coats as Balki asks if Larry is going to ride the camel with him this time.  "No," Larry answers, "That camel always spits at me."  As Larry opens the closet to put the newspaper upon a huge, tall stack of newspapers Balki asks if he can chase the chickens.  Larry says no and hands Balki his jacket.  Larry closes the door and Balki asks, "Question . . . am I wrong or is that closet full of newspapers?"  "Not full," Larry clarifies, "Only head high."  "Oh, I see," Balki hums.  "All right, so I got a few for my family and friends," Larry admits, "and a lot for my enemies . . . high school graduation class . . . Time / Life . . . . "  They exit the apartment.

Continue on to the next episode . . .