Nielsen Rating: 17.2 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 13 - Falling In Love Is . . .
First Air Date:
November 12, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 17.2 HH
Co-Producer:
James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: William Bickley & Michael Warren
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Guest Cast:
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Karen Lynn Scott: Carol Mosley
Dave Ketchum: Customer
Cynthia Crummer: Female Customer
Dimitri
Appearances: Dimitri can be seen sitting on top of the refrigerator
through most of the episode (he’s sitting on top of something but on my copy I
can’t tell if it’s a scale, a cutting board or perhaps a little dinner table
where he’s waiting for a date!). He is more prominent in the final scene
when Larry has his sitting on a table to comfort Balki when he goes to bed after
being dumped by Carol. Dimitri is also seen wearing a little pair of
wax lips throughout the episode.
Balki-isms:
"Dang Dongs" (instead of Ding Dongs)
"And then Balki, the immigrant sheepherder who doesn’t even know what
fork to eat his soup with come home with a beautiful woman and I think you’re
just a little bit blue with envy."
"Well, I don’t think you would have mind so much if I bring home someone
who had been beaten with the ugly rock."
"You ain’t just whistling Dixie Cups!"
Don’t be ridiculous: Said twice in this episode.
Other catchphrases
used in this episode:
"Tell me something I don’t know!" (first time)
"Oh po po!"
"I don’t think so."
"Are you crazy?"
"You tricked Balki!"
"Get out of the city!" (first time)
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Larry alludes to something sexual in nature and Balki just doesn't get it
Balki laughs at his own joke
Larry explain something to Balki, and Balki asks, "Wait a minute . . . are
you saying . . . ?" and then repeats exactly the same thing Larry said
Balki picks up Larry in some odd way
Balki jumps over and onto the couch
Songs: "Young
at Heart" - sung by Balki and mistakenly attributed to Jiminy Cricket
"When You Wish Upon a Star" - sung by Larry and finished by Balki and
Larry
"Carol" - sung by Balki when he returns from his last date with Carol
Mosley
Interesting facts:
- Balki mentions buying his first pair of Levis
jeans for Men with "just a skosh more room." Levis for Men
actually used to advertise during the program.
-
Probably one of the most under-utilized guest spots on the show was Dave Ketchum
as the customer in this episode. A wonderful character actor, Dave Ketchum
is probably best known to TV fans as Agent 13 in Get Smart (he always
used to be hidden in the most unusual and uncomfortable places). He also
made many guest appearances on Happy Days (and oddly enough a Happy
Days reference is made during this episode as well!).
- The little soft drinks Balki refers to are more
commonly known as wax soda bottles. These confections were created by the
American Candy Company in 1899 and are basically wax bottles with flavored
syrups inside. The idea is one would bite off the top and drink the liquid
then chew on the wax container like gum. The American Candy Company also
gave us wax lips, which are flavored and also intended to be chewed.
- Balki’s introduction of Carol with the long
"And heeeeere’s Carol!" was a take off on the way Ed McMahon used to
introduce Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show with "And heeeeeere’s
Johnny!"
- Balki refers to Richie Cunningham on Happy
Days in this episode. It would not be the last reference to that
classic sitcom made in this series (which both Bob Boyett and Paula Roth, as
well as other PS production members, had worked on).
- This is the first time an episode ends with the
camera panning back outside the window of the apartment, focusing on a warm
moment inside. It was also the first really deeply emotional episode of
the series.
Bloopers and
Inconsistencies:
- This is one of the few times someone rings the doorbell at their
apartment instead of knocking on the door. In the upcoming episode, The
Rent Strike, Balki says he fixed the doorbell and so maybe their doorbell
just doesn't work most of the time!
- When Bronson opens the door and introduces Carol
Mosley one of the snaps of his suspenders comes off and he has to quickly clip
it back in place, which he does seamlessly.
Synopsis:
The episode begins at the Ritz Discount Store. Larry approaches a female
customer, eyeing her with more than just passing interest. "Hi,"
Larry smiles, "Is there anything I can do for you?" She looks him up and down
before curtly answering, "No, I don’t
think so," and then she stalks out snootily. As she exits the store, Balki enters
and cries happily, "Cousin! This is the greatest day of my
life! Even
greater than the day I bought my first pair of Levis for Men with just a skosh
more room." "What happened?" Larry asks. "Today I am in love!"
Balki proclaims. "You fell in love during
your lunch break?" Larry asks, then adds, "Where is this
restaurant?" "I had lunch with Carol Mosley," Balki
explains, "She's the girl I tell you about from my American history
class." "Yes, the one you've been worshipping from afar,"
Larry remembers. "But that's when she sit way on the other side of
the class," Balki says, "But, I . . . I notice her because she's a
poor, shy little creature huddled in the corner. But last night the
teacher put us together and she begin to open up like a little
flower." "Well, that's nice!" Larry smiles.
"And then today we had to have lunch
to discuss the term paper we have to write," Balki continues, "And . .
. and . . . she . . . she 
confess to me that she has had secret feeling for me,
too, and it’s just like the great Jiminy Cricket
said . . . "
Balki launches into the opening line from the song Young at Heart,
"Fairy tales can come true, it could happen to you . . . " Larry
corrects him and says "That’s Frank Sinatra. I think Jiminy Cricket
said . . . " and launches into When You Wish Upon a Star, singing,
"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are . . . when you
wish . . . " " . . . upon a star," Balki joins in.
"Your dreams come true!" they finish together in harmony. A male
customer has been listening and nods with approval. "Balki, you're in
love! Congratulations!" Larry offers, giving him a hug.
"Thank you! Thank you!" Balki smiles. "I'm very happy
. . . " Larry begins. The male customer steps forward and nicely
asks, "Can I buy something before the next chorus?" Larry rings
up the item for the man and says, "Thank you." The man smiles at
them and leaves. "Cousin, is it okay if Carol come over tonight to
study?" Balki asks. "I guess so," Larry replies, "We bachelors
have to help each other out. I'll just say a quick hello and make myself
scarce so you can be alone. Huh?" He gives Balki a knowing
look. "I’m not going to be alone, Carol will be with me,"
Balki points out innocently.
That evening in the apartment, Larry is
standing in front of Balki and begins to explain, "Okay, here's how it
works . . . when Carol 
gets here you'll introduce me, I'll make a little small
talk, say what a great guy you are and then I'll go to the movie."
They go into the kitchen where Balki grabs some snacks and brings them into the
living room. "Now, the movie gets out at 10:50. If I get back
and the curtain is drawn I'll go to the coffee shop and call you, letting it
ring once. That'll be your signal that you have exactly twenty minutes to
finish any, uh . . . you know . . . unfinished business. Got
it?" "I had no idea my date would
make your life so complicated," Balki says in wonder. "Don’t
worry about," Larry assures him, "Everything makes my life
complicated. What's this?" Larry motions to the food.
"Oh, these are special things for a special evening," Balki explains,
holding up each item as he goes through them, "Zingers . . . Dang Dongs . .
. candy-coated corn . . . " He reaches into a bowl of popcorn and
lifts it out as one big clump. " . . . and I don't know what you call
these but they are little soft drinks and you can eat the bottle. No deposit, no return!" Balki laughs at his own
joke.
Larry spots another glass tray on the
coffee table and picks it up. "Are these what I think they
are?" "My favorite!" Balki says gleefully, "Wax lips!"
Balki puts on a pair to demonstrate, making flirty faces at Larry. "Balki,
give me the lips," Larry insists. "Uhnn uhh!" Balki
refuses. "Give me the lips," Larry repeats. "Uhnn uhh!"
"Give me the lips!" "Uhnn uhh!" Larry pokes
Balki in the stomach and Balki spits out the lips, which Larry catches and puts
back on the tray. "Believe me," Larry assures him, "wax lips
do not a romantic evening make!" Balki sulks, then digs into his pocket to remove
a few more wax lips, putting them onto the tray as the doorbell rings.
"It's her!" Balki realizes. They go to the door and Larry sets
the wax lips aside as Balki opens the door, announcing, "And
heeeeere’s Carol!" The door opens to reveal a beautiful bombshell
of a woman wearing an slinky (and somewhat revealing) party dress. Larry
is amazed and surprised.
"Hi, Balki," Carol smiles as she
enters. "Hi, Carol," Balki replies, "This is my Cousin
Larry." "Hi, Carol," Larry offers. Balki closes the
door as Carol turns around the smells the air. "Oh, what is that that
you're wearing?" she asks. "Well, I'm wearing my shirt . . . and
my suspenders and . . . and my Spiderman underwear . . . " Larry
motions to Balki desperately, trying to tell him that's not what Carol meant,
then gives up. "No, no," Carol says, "I . . . I meant your
cologne. No wonder all the girls at school are crazy about
you." "Oh!" Balki says with embarrassment, then adds,
"Tell me something I don't know!" Balki leads Carol to the couch
and Larry crosses behind it to sit in the chair. "Okay, you come here
and sit down," Balki directs Carol, "and Cousin Larry will make some
small talk with you so that he can go to a movie and leave us alone."
Larry looks a little embarrassed, but Carol just shares a playful moment with
Balki before he goes into the kitchen.
"Uh, so um . . . " Larry begins,
"you're in Balki's history class?" "Uh huh," Carol
confirms, "I hate history. But I have to take it to 
get my high
school diploma." "Hey, isn't Balki a great guy? Huh?"
Larry asks. "Yeah," Carol smiles, "But uh . . . let's talk
about you. I hear you're a photographer." "Uh, yes I
am," Larry replies. "Can you get me into a modeling
agency?" Carol asks. "Well, uh . . . I . . . " Larry
stammers. "Nudity is no problem," she assures him. Larry
is speechless at this, then finds his voice to call, "Balki?"
Balki returns from the kitchen with a tray holding a bottle of 7-Up and some
glasses. "Anyone for some un-cola?" he asks. Balki sets
the tray on the coffee table. "No thanks," Carol says, picking
up her purse, "I'd better be running." "But . . . but,
Carol, we have to put our notes together so we can start writing our term
paper," Balki reminds her. "Oh," Carol says worriedly,
"Uh . . . I meant to tell you, uh . . . my mother's in the hospital and . .
. and she needs me. You understand?" "Well, of course I
do!" Balki assures her, "Your mama in the hospital! So run
away child and don’t look back! Don’t worry, I put our notes together
and next time we start writing."
"Oh, Balki," Carol smiles,
leaning over to give him a kiss on the cheek, "You're the best study
partner a girl could have! And I just 
'wuv' you to death!" She
reaches into her purse and pulls out a piece of paper, explaining, "Uh,
here are my notes." Balki stares at her longingly, making her
uncomfortable. "Uh well . . . I better be running," she says,
"Cab's waiting." She walks out the door, closing it behind
her. Balki, who is still smitten, turns to Larry. "Isn't she
wonderful?" "Uh, Balki . . . I can't help noticing that I'm here
and . . . she's not," Larry points out. "Well, of course
not," Balki says, "Her mother is in the hospital."
"She looked a little overdressed for a hospital visit, don't ya
think?" Larry asks. "Well, her mother is probably in a very nice
hospital," Balki concludes. "Well, it looked to me like she was
dressed up for a date . . . with somebody else," Larry states.
"Oh Cousin, that is not possibly," Balki argues, "You heard
her. She 'wuvs' me to death." After a moment, Balki asks,
"Is 'wuv' the same thing as 'love' or is there something wrong with her
tongue?" "There's something wrong with her tongue all
right," Larry assures Balki, "It's forked."
Larry motions for Balki to sit on the
couch as he sits on the chair again. "Balki . . . in Madison I knew a
girl like Carol. Her name 
was Misty. She was in my algebra
class. I was very good in algebra. Of course I was, it had nothing
to do with life. And I started going around telling everyone how much in
love we were but it turned out they were just laughing behind my back, 'cause
they knew that she was just using me to get a good grade. Well, at the end
of the semester Misty got her 'A' and then she dumped me. It really broke
my heart. You see what I'm getting at?" "Well, of course I
do! Don't be ridiculous!" Balki says. "Yes," Larry
says. "You don't want me to take algebra. Point well
taken!" Balki picks up the tray of soda and goes into the
kitchen. "Balki! Balki!" Larry continues, following him,
"Carol is using you to do her work and when the class is over she won't
remember your name." "Wait a minute," Balki says, "Are
you saying that Carol is using me to do her work and that when the class is over
she won't remember my name?" Larry stares a Balki a moment then
confirms, "Yes."
Balki stares at Larry in shock, then
exclaims, "Oh po po!" as he walks into the living room to get the rest
of the snacks. "What po 
po?" Larry asks. "Po po!"
Balki says accusingly, "You haven't had a date in four weeks and then Balki
the immigrant sheepherder who doesn't even know what fork to eat his soup with
comes home with a beautiful woman and I think that you're just a little bit blue
with envy." Balki goes back into the kitchen. "That's
green with envy," Larry corrects, "and I don't believe I
am!" "Well, I don't think you would have mind so much if I had
bring home someone who had been beaten with the ugly rock!" Balki
notes. "Stick! Stick!" Larry corrects, "Ugly
stick! And I . . . I am just trying to help you!"
"Jealous! Jealous! Jealous!" Balki accuses Larry.
"Me? Jealous?" Larry scoffs. "You got that right, Mr.
Lonely Guy," Balki says. "All right," Larry sighs, "I
tried. If you don't want to listen to me, fine. But when she breaks
your heart, and she will, just remember . . . I tried to warn you."
Larry walks away, shaking his head, and leaves Balki standing in the living room
with his arms crossed defiantly as the scene fades to black.
Act two begins in the apartment two weeks
later. Larry is sitting on the couch trying to get the flash attachment
for his camera to 
work. "Come on,"
Larry sighs, "You’ve got new
batteries, what more do you want?" Larry points the flash at his eyes
right when it goes off, blinding himself. Balki walks out of the bedroom,
calling, "Cousin?" "Balki?" Larry answers blindly,
groping around him until Balki sits down on the couch beside him, then he says,
"Oh." "Cousin . . . before I tell you what I'm going to
tell you, I want to tell you that last night Carol told me . . . she loved me,
again," Balki says. "Oh, she’s gone all the
way from 'wuv' to 'love' in two weeks," Larry says sarcastically,
"That's real progress." "Cousin," Balki sighs, "I
want you to like her better because tonight the last class and after we hand in
our term paper I'm going to pop the question." Larry is
shocked. "What? Balki, you're going to ask her to marry
you?" "Well, of course not, don't be ridiculous," Balki
says, "I’m going to 'pop the question.'" "That’s what 'pop the question'
means," Larry
explains. "Oh, then I’m not gonna do that," Balki assures him,
"What is it on 'Happy Days' reruns when Richie Cunningham gives a girl his
class ring?" "That's 'going steady,'" Larry explains.
"That’s what I’m going to do!"
Balki corrects himself, getting up to walk to the bookcase, "I’m going
to ask her to go steady!" "Well, it's your life . . . and it's
your class ring," Larry says, then thinks about it and notes, "You
don't have a class ring." Balki 
returns carrying a piece of jewelry,
kneeling down behind the couch to show it to Larry. "I do have
this," he says, "My great-grand-nana's emerald broach."
"Is that real?" Larry asks in awe. "Well, of course it
is," Balki answers, "It's been in my family for two hundred
years. Every first born Bartokomous son give it to the woman who steals his
heart." "You're gonna give that to Carol?" Larry asks in
disbelief. "Yes!" Balki confirms, "You don't think she like
it?" "Oh she’ll 'wuv' it!" Larry
counters,
"All the way to the pawn shop! Give me that." Balki pulls
it away from Larry's grasp. "No, Balki, give me that pin!"
"I don't think so!" Balki states. "I just want to see
it," Larry says calmly, "I've heard so much about it."
"I just mentioned it for the first time," Balki points out.
"Well, yes, that's when I heard so much about it," Larry explains,
"May I see it? Please? I'll give it right back."
"Do you promise?" Balki asks. "I promise," Larry says
in the most sincere voice he can muster, nodding his head.
Balki hands him the broach. Larry
snatches the broach and leaps up from the couch, exclaiming, "Are you
crazy?" "Give me that!" Balki cries, jumping over the back
of the couch to chase after Larry, who runs to the closet door.
"You're gonna give a family heirloom to that barracuda?" Larry
cries. "You tricked Balki!" Balki says angrily.
"You're darn right I tricked Balki!" Larry confirms. Balki
advances on Larry, who holds up a chair between them. "Give me nana's
pin!" Balki insists. "No, I won't give you nana's pin!"
Larry insists, "I'm gonna put it in a safe deposit box until you grow
up!" "Will you give me that?" Balki asks, taking the chair
away from Larry. Larry cowers against the closet door, muttering,
"No! No!" as he clutches the pin in his hand. Suddenly he
starts to cry in pain. "Ow! Ow! Ow, ow, ow! It is
sticking me!" Balki helps to remove the pin from Larry's hand,
sympathetic to his pain and trying to help, sighing, "Oh, Cousin."
While Balki is focused on Larry's hand,
Larry grabs the broach from Balki's hand and tries to run away, but Balki grabs
Larry around the middle and lifts him up so Larry is running with his legs
spinning in the air, not getting anywhere. "All right, put me
down," Larry orders. Balki sets Larry down and he immediately runs
away, hiding behind the corner of the wall. "Give me the pin!"
Balki says. "No!" Larry insists, "I can't stop you from
asking Carol to go steady. But . . . just let me keep the pin for a
day. If you ask her to go steady and she says yes, then I'll give you back
the pin with . . . with my apologies and my blessing." "Cousin,
she loves me," Balki insists, going to the closet door to get his coat,
"I don't know why you can't believe that. I don't need the pin and I
don't need your apology. I want your blessing!"
"Honest to God, I hope I am wrong about Carol," Larry offers
sincerely. Balki leaves and Larry looks worried.
Later that evening, Jennifer has come down
to the apartment while Larry prepares for Balki's return home. "Are
you sure this woman is going to hurt Balki that badly?" Jennifer asks as
she removes wax lips from a paper bag and puts them into a bowl on the kitchen
table. "Am I sure?" Larry asks, getting a container of ice cream
from the freezer, "I've been there. When he comes through that door
he'll be a shell of his former self. Oh, he'll pretend everything's all
right while you're here. But as soon as you leave, he'll open up . . .
pour his poor pitiful heart out. I'll comfort him. I've got some
tissues . . . and the ice cream will cheer him up . . . a little. And then
he'll sleep a dreamless sleep with his arms around Dimitri." "Gosh, you’re a great friend," Jennifer
says in awe. "I can be more than a friend, Jennifer," Larry says
desperately. Jennifer is a bit taken aback.
Suddenly, Balki bursts through the door belting
Chuck Berry’s Carol and proceeds to dance and air guitar Berry style
around the apartment. Balki sees the items on the table and exclaims,
"Wax lips! Let's party!" He continues to dance around the
apartment. "You were right, he’s devastated,"
Jennifer comments sarcastically. She leaves, wishing Larry, "Good
luck." Larry sees her to the door and closes it behind her.
Balki grabs Larry and uses him as a guitar, singing, "You can't dance, I
know you wish you could, I got my eye on you baby 'cause you dance so
good!" Balki flings Larry into the rolling desk and then dances to
the table, discovering the ice cream. "Macadamia nut ice cream!
My favorite! But I'm too excited to eat!" "What happened
tonight?" Larry asks. "Not what you thought was going to
happen!" Balki reports. "She didn't break up with you?"
Larry asks. "Nooo!" Balki confirms.
"You asked her to go steady?"
Larry asks. "Yep!" Balki replies. "And she said . . .
?" "Yep!" "You asked Carol Mosley, the same 
girl
that was here two weeks ago to go steady with you and she said yes?" Larry
asks in disbelief. "You ain't just whistlin' Dixie cups!" Balki
says adamantly. "This was the last night of class . . . school
is over?" Larry asks. "Uh huh," Balki confirms, "Now
is there something you'd like to crawl over here and say?"
"Well, Balki, what can I say?" Larry sighs, reaching into his pocket
to retrieve the broach, "I . . . I made a big, big mistake. I am so
sorry. Here . . . please, give this to Carol with my blessing and . . .
and . . . I never should have taken it to begin with." "Cousin,
it's okay," Balki assures him, "I'm too happy to be mad!"
He hops over the back of the couch to sit down. "Carol was so
beautiful the way she tilted her head to the side after I asked her to go steady
and said, 'You and me go steady? That's cute.' And then she was so
happy that she burst out laughing!"
Larry starts to worry again. "Balki,
exactly how did she laugh?" Larry asks, "I . . . I mean, uh . . . was
it like . . . ?" Larry laughs in a 
coy, girlish manner. "
. . . or was it like?" Larry laughs derisively, pointing his
finger. Balki thinks about this, and then asks, "The first one
again?" Larry repeats the coy, girlish laugh. "Well, uh .
. . it was more like the second one but she don't point," Balki says,
"Why do you ask?" "After you asked her to go steady, did
you make any plans for the future?" Larry asks. "Oh hoo, it's
all we could talk about!" Balki says happily, "We are both bursting
with joy. She tell me that, eh . . . she will be very busy looking for a
job and also for a new apartment because she's moving out of the building called
'Jack's Place.'" "Did she say something like, uh, she was too
busy to get together real soon?" Larry ventures. "Yes! And
I told her I understand," Balki confirms. "Did she also say she
was gonna be getting a new phone and she'd call you as soon as she had her new
number?" Larry asks. "Get out of the city!" Balki exclaims
in shock, "You were listening!"
Knowing he now has a very difficult job,
Larry moans and walks around to sit beside Balki on the couch. "Oh
boy," he sighs, 
"Balki . . . I'm afraid this is really gonna
hurt. When a woman says she's too busy, that's her way of putting you
off. And when she says she's getting a new phone, she has no intention of
giving you the number. And 'Jack's Place' is not the name of a building .
. . it's . . . Jack's . . . place." "Well, Cousin, she don't say
any of those things," Balki argues. "Not in those words but
that's what she meant," Larry explains. "Why are you doing this
again?" Balki asks, "Why can't you just be happy for me?
What you saying is no true!" "Balki, if you don't believe me,
then just call her yourself," Larry suggests gently. Balki gets up
from the couch and walks to the phone next to the door. He picks up the
receiver and dials, then waits for an answer. "Hello?" Balki
says, then looks confused, asking, "Who is this?" After a moment
Balki looks worried and asks, "Jack, may I speak to Carol,
please?" Still trying to convince himself, Balki says, "I think
her brother's probably named Jack."
Balki's face brightens and he says,
"Carol! Carol, this is Balki! Do you want to go to the movies
tomorrow night?" Balki's 
expression drops as he replies, "Well .
. . of course I remember you that said you were busy but . . . but . . . it is
Saturday." Balki looks more and more devastated as he listens to
Carol. "Well, well . . . yes, but . . . yes, but, but . . . but, but
. . . I . . . I thought . . . I thought we were . . . " It finally
sinks in as Carol gives it to him straight. "Oh. Oh, I
see. Okay. Goodbye, Carol. I hope you have a nice life,
too." Larry is listening to all this with empathy as Balki slowly
hangs up the phone in shock. Larry picks up a box of tissues and takes it
over to Balki, removing one and holding it out. Balki is the picture of
devastation. "Jack is . . . is . . . is not her brother," Balki
says, trying not to cry, "I made a fool of myself. You tried to warn
me and I wouldn't listen." "Hey, you fell in love, there's
nothing wrong with that," Larry offers sympathetically, "Sometimes
when you're in love you . . . you can't think straight. Take my word for
it, the pain will go away." "When?" Balki asks.
"Well, not for a long, long time," Larry admits, "But it will go
away. Hey, come on."
Larry motions Balki to the couch, where
Balki sits. Larry stops to get the ice cream and two spoons and sits next
to Balki. "I am 
never . . . going to fall in love again," Balki
states. "Sure you will," Larry assures him. "No I
won't!" Balki cries, "I don’t want to, it hurts too much!"
"Hey, hey . . . I know it hurts," Larry says, rubbing Balki’s
shoulder, "but Carol was just not the right girl for you, she wasn’t good enough
for you. And somewhere out there is, uh . . . is somebody who's right for
you . . . somebody
who’s worthy to wear your nana’s broach. And you’ll fall in love
with her and she’ll fall in love with you and . . . and you’ll forget about all the
Carols in this world." Balki sobs, "I’m glad you’re
here" and they embrace warmly. Larry takes a spoonful of ice
cream from the container and hands it to Balki, saying "Here."
He then adds, "I bought four
gallons." Balki laughs through his tears. Together they sit, sharing the ice cream and each others’
company as the camera pans back through the window.
Script Variations:
There are some
distinct differences in the first draft of the script dated September 10, 1986:
- Jennifer appears in the opening scene at the Ritz
Discount Store to thank Larry for watering her plants while she and Mary Anne
will be in Amsterdam. Larry asks if she would be interested in seeing the
new Tom Stoppard play when she gets back and she says she already saw it in
London the week before. Larry tells her they'll catch the movie version
instead. As Jennifer leaves Balki enters. Approaching Larry, Balki
says, "How are you doing with Jennifer?" And then slyly,
"Did you get to first base yet?" Larry answers, "No, I
didn't get to first base yet. I haven't even been issued a
uniform." Balki comments, "You might do better with Jennifer if
you didn't kill her plants every time she leaves town." "Okay,
so I don't have a green thumb," Larry moans. Balki looks at his own
thumbs prompting Larry to say, "It's an expression. It means I'm not
good with plants . . . or women."
- Balki attributes the song he sings to Walt Disney
instead of Jiminy Cricket. After they finish singing he says, "Walt
was a great philosopher."
- Mr. Twinkacetti has an interesting subplot in the
original script which ties in with the overall story. He enters the store
in a bad mood, as he's serving jury duty. Twinkacetti comments that he
knew the guy was guilty the moment he walked into the courtroom. "Oh
really?" Larry asks. "How could you tell that?"
"He's a friend of mine," Twinkacetti explains and walks into his
office. "There goes a living flaw in our legal system," Larry
says. "Yes, he's not so bad after all," Balki replies,
misunderstanding.
- When talking about his upcoming date with Carol,
Balki says he wants it to be "some enchanted evening, if you know what I
mean." He later explains that by "enchanted" he means
having some nice snacks, making popcorn and watching Moonlighting.
After Balki says he won't be alone because Carol will be with him he exits,
leaving Larry to comment, "There's a man who should never go on The
Dating Game."
- Larry and Carol's uncomfortable conversation goes
on a little longer. She asks Larry if he's an actor. Larry's
flattered and says, "No . . . do I remind you of someone
famous." "Yeah, the guy in that little boat in the toilet
commercial," Carol answers (referring to the Ty-D-Bol Man). When
Larry says to Carol, "Balki's . . . one of a kind," she answers,
"Yeah, he's cute . . . for an immigrant." Carol continues after
she says she hates history by explaining that she dropped out of high school to
go to beauty school but got sick of touching all those heads, not knowing where
they've been. She says she wants a good job for which she needs a high
school diploma and when Larry asks what she wants to do she says she wants to be
a receptionist.
- Balki's line after asking if anyone wants some
"Un-Cola" is "No caffeine . . . never had it, never will,"
completing the 7-UP catch phrase.
- When Carol leaves she calls Larry
"Barry" instead.
- Larry reminds Balki that he does well in history
and asks how Carol is doing in the class. "Well, I don't know,"
Balki answers, "But it must be pretty easy for her. She naps a lot in
class." Larry starts his personal story by saying he knew a Carol
Mosley, to which Balki says "That's amazing. You went to high school
together? She didn't remember you at all!" As Larry is telling
his story about Misty he's getting lost in the memory of her: "She was
beautiful. Tanned, long legs. Hair like silk. I would have
walked through the gates of "Hell" for that girl." At this
point Balki says, "Larry, come back." (note, no
"Cousin!")
- When Larry warns Balki about what Carol is going
to do to him, Balki compares what Larry is doing to what Twinkacetti is doing at
jury duty. "Mr. Twinkacetti has already decided a man is guilty
before his trial. And you've decided Carol is guilty. And you've
only just met her." Larry defends himself with, "Not true!
I'm using past experience - - painful past experience - - and what
I've seen here tonight in order to . . . (REALIZING THE FRAGILE FOUNDATION OF
WHAT HE'S SAYING) . . . decide she's guilty . . . having only just met
her. Look, Balki, I know what I'm talking about."
- As Balki keeps getting his metaphors wrong while
defending Carol, Larry says, "Would you get your cliches right!"
After Larry heads for his bedroom Balki says, "Don't worry about it.
Carol and I are in love and you're not going to camouflage it." Larry
turns back and says, "That's sabotage. Oh, who cares!"
- The scene after the commercial break takes places
in the Ritz Discount Store. Balki tells Larry that he and Carol had a
romantic dinner the night before. "Did she stay for the entire meal
this time?" Larry asks. "Well, she left after the salad, but
that's just because she's trying to lose weight," Balki answers.
"Interesting," Larry comments, "A person is dieting who has no
visible body fat." Then catching himself, "But who am I to
judge?" Balki says that after their last class they are going to go
out and celebrate the future together . . . "Our future . . . together."
Larry says sincerely, "Look, Balki, I wish you the very best. I
really do. And whatever happens is none of my business." Balki
says, "Thank you. And don't worry, Cousin Larry. Hopefully,
someday you will fall in love, too, and you will be as happy as I
am." When Balki walks away, Larry says under his breath "Fools
rush in."
- Twinkacetti enters, looking disheveled. He
says, "That's the last time I do my civic duty. The real criminals
were sitting in the jury room with me." Larry asks how the trial came
out and Twinkacetti says it was a hung jury. Balki asks what a hung jury
is and Larry tells him it's when a jurty can't make up its mind. "Oh,
the others made up their minds in the first five minutes. I was the one
that voted guilty for nine hours. But I finally changed my vote after they
got mad and tried to hang me. Thank God the Balif wouldn't bring them a
rope." Balki says, "Well, now, there's a lesson in this for some
of us. Mr. Twinkacetti thought a man was guilty and he turned out to be
innocent. Surprise. Surprise." Balki goes to the stock
room while Larry approaches Mr. Twinkacetti. "Why did you hold out so
long? You must have been convinced he was guilty." "He
was," Twinkacetti explains. "But how could you be so
sure?" "He was charged with illegal gambling."
"So?" Larry asks. "So, the man is my bookie. Since
he's not going to jail, I gotta pay him the money I owe him. Justice
stinks."
- When Balki enters the living room of the
apartment before bringing up the fact he is planning to ask Carol to go steady
he is wearing a new sweater. "How do you like my sweater?" Balki
asks Larry. "Oh, she bought you a present for a change,"
Larry says. "No, I bought it. But Carol picked it out, along
with one for herself." Balki holds up the term paper and says,
"Tonight, Carol and I hand in our term paper - - which, I feel, will get us
a big fat 'A'." "I'm sure it will," Larry agrees.
"You've written a fine paper. And Carol did a fine cover."
"Well, actually, I did the cover," Balki admit. "But it was
her idea. She's full of wonderful ideas." "I'm sure she's
full of a lot of things," Larry agrees.
- After Larry takes the pin from Balki, Balki gets
ready to leave and says, "I'm going now. And when I ask Carol to go
steady and she says 'yes,' I'll tell her I was going to give her a symbol of our
love, but my Cousin Larry stole it."
- When Larry and Jennifer are preparing for Balki
to return home broken hearted, Larry sees Balki get off the bus from the window
and says, "Boy, he looks pitiful." Jennifer comments that it's
hard to find wax lips when it's not Halloween. In addition to everything
Larry has out he also has hot chocolate simmering on the stove to help Balki
sleep.
- Balki tells Larry that Carol's brother picked her
up from their date. Larry says, "Oh, God. Oh, my. Balki,
was her brother tall, handsome, looked like he spend a lot of time in a tanning
salon . . . ?" Balki says, "Yes. Do you know her
brother?" Larry continues, "Drives a little, red sports
car?" Balki is amazed. "You do know her
brother." "Oh, you bet I do," Larry says. "Every
time I meet a good looking girl, her brother comes and kicks sand in my
face." "What are you talking about?" Balki asks.
"Are you going crazy again, Cousin?"
- The end is slightly different, with Larry saying,
"But someday you'll fall in love again, and she'll be the right
one. And then it will be worth all the pain of getting there."
Balki asks, "How do you know all these things?" Larry answers,
"I read a lot." And then the eat the ice cream.
The shooting script
dated September 16, 1986 is much closer to the final product but also has a
couple of differences:
- Twinkacetti is still in the script. He
leaves for jury duty at the very beginning of the show, but this is the only
reference to Twinkacetti in the script . . . they do not make any comparisons
between Twinkacetti's case and Carol at all.
- When Larry walks back to the bedroom after
telling Balki that Carol will break his heart and he told him so, Balki says,
"Don't worry. Carol and I are in love. And for your information
she would have loved the wax lips."
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