Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 129 - Wild Turkey

First Air Date: November 22, 1991
Filming Date: September 27, 1991
Nielsen Rating: 13.2 HH

Produced by: Alan Plotkin
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Tom Devanney
Directed by: Judy Pioli

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Anne Spencer
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Appleton

Guest Cast:
James Staley: Mr. Howard Johnson
Julie Payne: Mrs. Marion Johnson
Glen Vernon: Grandpa Johnson
Brandi Chrisman: Joanie Johnson
Adam Hendershott: Richie Johnson

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri is not seen in this episode.

Balki-isms:
"Oh, I guess it’s true what they say . . . birds with no feathers do flock together."
"Well, if they’re infested we cannot let them up on the furniture."

Don’t be ridiculous: Not said in this episode.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"I have . . . "  "Oh God!"  " . . . a plan!"
"Wwowww!"
"Hi!" said simultaneously

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Jennifer grabs Larry by the shirt
Larry grabs Balki by the shirt
Larry grabs Balki by the ear and pulls
Balki hugs someone to greet them
Larry does his shmuck laugh
Larry slaps the back of Balki’s head

Interesting facts:
- The night this episode aired, Bronson and Mark were on hand to host another set of TGIF introductions for the shows Family Matters, Step by Step, Baby Talk and this Thanksgiving-themed episode.  You can view these spots on our YouTube Channel. 
- The name of the episode could have derived from a couple of origins.  First, there really is an North American wild turkey.  But there is also a brand of bourbon called Wild Turkey.
- No turkeys were actually used during the filming of this episode in front of the studio audience, since that night Bronson was suffering from early symptoms of the flu (he probably wore himself raw playing Mama the previous two weeks) and was particularly sensitive to the dandruff on the live birds, so a teddy bear and imaginary birds were utilized instead.  You can read more about the filming of this episode by visiting our On the Scene . . . section.
- This was the first Thanksgiving themed episode for the series.  They had previously done two Christmas episodes and one specific Halloween episode.
- The Johnson family members are all named after the Cunningham family from Happy Days, the mother and father being Howard and Marion and the two children being named Richie and Joanie.  (Apparently Chuck is still missing.)
- Character actor James Staley played Mr. Johnson in this episode.  He had previously made appearances on the television shows The Jeffersons, Wonder Woman, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Family, Taxi, Three’s Company, Eight is Enough, The White Shadow, Benson, Mork & Mindy, Quincy, M.E., Silver Spoons, Falcon Crest, Mama’s Family, Diff’rent Strokes, Newhart, Punky Brewster, Remington Steele, Simon & Simon, Magnum, P.I., The Facts of Life, Matlock, Moonlighting, Murphy Brown, The Golden Girls and Picket Fences, as well as having a regular roles in the series The Waverly Wonders and Rosebrock.  Now mostly retired from acting he does continue to make appearances in television commercials.
- Julie Payne, who plays Mrs. Johnson, has also had a long career in television.  Her screen credits include appearances in Love, American Style, The Streets of San Francisco, Sanford and Son, WKRP in Cincinnati, Taxi, Hart to Hart, Family Ties, E/R, Murphy Brown, L.A. Law, The Wonder Years, Full House, Picket Fences and Judging Amy.  She has done voice work as well, playing the part of Dr. Liz Wilson in many of the Garfield specials.  Fans of Laverne and Shirley may remember her as Colonel Turner in the memorable two part episode We’re in the Army Now.  She also had a recurring roles as Aggie Aylesworth in the Jim Carrey series The Duck Factory, as Lucille Trumbley in Leo & Liz in Beverly Hills, as Arnold’s secretary, Peggy, in Beverly Hills 90210 and as Cheryl’s Mom in Curb Your Enthusiasm.
- Glen Vernon, who played Grandpa Johnson, was a long-time stage and film actor.  He appeared in such movies as Days of Glory, Youths Run Wild, Sing Your Way Home, Bedlam, Heart of Virginia, Sands of Iwo Jima and Breakfast at Tiffany’s.  His television credits include The Fugitive, Perry Mason, Ironside, Quincy, M.E., The Fall Guy, Cheers, Hunter, Doogie Howser, M.D., L.A. Law, The Golden Girls, Sister, Sister and Picket Fences.  Sadly he passed away in 1999.
- Adam Hendershott, who played the youngest Johnson, Richie, has continued to act to this day, appearing in the shows Night Court, Roseanne, Wings, The Nanny, Step by Step, Home Improvement, Malcom in the Middle, Touched by an Angel, Boston Public, Judging Amy, Charmed, CSI, Nip/Tuck and Cold Case.  He also appeared in an episode of The Trouble with Larry with Bronson Pinchot, playing an obnoxious boy who challenged his robot disguise in the episode My Science Fair Lady.  He also had a recurring roles in the series The Faculty, Veronica Mars and ‘Gilmore Girls.’  You can visit his official website by clicking here.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- We understand it was done for expediency, but it’s still funny to see Mary Anne pull a large, frozen turkey from the *top* of her grocery bag!
- When filming the first scene Bronson had a terrible time trying to throw the frozen turkey onto the counter without it rolling off.  He didn’t manage to get the turkey to stay on the counter until the fourth try!

Synopsis:
The episode begins in the kitchen where Jennifer is unpacking two bags of groceries.  She pulls a frozen turkey from one of the bags and sets it on the counter in front of her.  Mary Anne enters the kitchen carrying two more bags of groceries and calls, "Hi!  I’ve got everything we’ll need for Thanksgiving . . . "  She pulls a frozen turkey out of one bag and sets it on the counter, then realizes there is already a turkey there. " . . . dinner."  "I’ve got everything we need for Thanksgiving dinner," Jennifer says.  Balki then enters through the kitchen door and announces, "Thanksgiving dinner is as good as cooked!"  He pulls a frozen turkey from the bag and tosses it onto the counter next to the other two.  "Pass the word, I’ve got the bird."  Balki looks at the other turkeys and comments, "Oh, I guess it is true what they say . . . birds with no feathers do flock together.  May I ask why?"

"Well, I assumed that I would cook dinner this year," Jennifer explains, "It’s my first Thanksgiving as Larry’s wife and I want it to be special."  "I’ve made Thanksgiving dinner every single year since I come to America, so . . . so I just assumed that . . . that I would . . . I would make it again," Balki says sadly, "But that . . . that’s okay.  How ‘bout . . . how ‘bout I’ll take Thanksgiving and you take Christmas and Mud Day."  "Balki, we don’t celebrate Mud Day in this country," Jennifer points out.  "Well, it’s just as well," Balki comments, "You’d only commercialize it."  "Wait a minute!" Mary Anne jumps in, "I wanted to cook Thanksgiving dinner so I could prove to a certain someone what a wonderful wife I would make!"  She makes eyes at Balki, waiting for him to pick up on her hint.  "Oh Mary Anne, that is great," Balki smiles, "You invited someone?"  Balki hooks an arm around Mary Anne, who looks stunned.

Larry suddenly runs in through the kitchen door and closes it behind him.  "You are not gonna believe what I just did!" Larry begins.  "You forgot we moved and you went back to the old apartment again?" Balki asks.  "Yeah, I did," Larry admits, "But before that!  I was out at McGregor’s Farm and . . . and I was writing a turkey story, and . . . and . . . "  "Now, Cousin, Cousin, Cousin, you are too hard on yourself," Balki interrupts as he steps over to Larry, "Now Mr. Wainwright occasionally calls your writing mediocre but he has never come out and called one of your articles a turkey.  Well . . . except for that one time but you weren’t even in the room so, as far as I’m concerned, it never happened."  "I mean, I was writing a story about turkeys for tomorrow’s Thanksgiving edition," Larry explains.  "Well, in that case . . . never mind," Balki says.  "Well, anyway, while I was interviewing Mr. McGregor he told me he was retiring and I could take as many turkeys as I wanted for half price," Larry continues, "So, having a keen eye for a quick profit . . . I took ‘em all."  "How many is all?" Jennifer asks.  "Fifty-eight," Larry smiles.

"Fifty-eight turkeys?" Jennifer asks.  "They’re being unloaded in the back yard right now," Larry says.  Balki gasps excitedly as he and girls run to the window to look outside.  "Oh, Cousin, this is wonderful!" Balki exclaims, "The most pets I ever had before was seventeen."  "No, no, these are not pets," Larry insists, "They’re an investment."  "Well, if they’re infested we cannot let them up on the furniture," Balki warns.  "Investment," Larry corrects, "Investment."  "Larry, tomorrow is Thanksgiving," Jennifer reminds him, "How are you gonna get rid of all these birds and get your . . . I mean our money back?"  "Very simple," Larry replies, "I have . . . "  "Oh God!" the others gasp.  " . . . a plan!" Larry finishes, and he runs into the back yard, returning a moment later with a megaphone.  "Attention last minute shoppers!" Larry says into the megaphone, "Get your fresh turkeys!  Get ‘em while they’re breathin’!  Get ‘em while they’re gobblin’!  Whack ‘em and sack ‘em!"  "Whack ‘em and sack ‘em?" Jennifer gasps, "Larry, that’s disgusting!"  "If you think that’s disgusting you don’t even wanna know what they do to eggplant on Mud Day," Balki injects.

The next day on Thanksgiving, Jennifer and Mary Anne are in the kitchen cooking.  Jennifer is looking at a recipe card and says, "I’m following Balki’s recipe for stuffing and it calls for one pinch of g.p.  What does g.p. stand for?"  "Probably ground pepper," Mary Anne suggests.  Jennifer gives Mary Anne a look and Mary Anne understands, saying, "I’d better ask Balki."  She goes to the door leading to the back yard and opens it, calling outside, "Balki?"  "Yeah?" Balki calls back.  "What does g.p. stand for?" Mary Anne asks.  "Goat pancreas," Balki answers, "But I think I used the last of it on my breakfast cereal."  Mary Anne turns to Jennifer and asks, "Where am I gonna get goat pancreas now?"  She doesn’t notice as three live turkeys walk into the kitchen.  "Shut the door!  Shut the door!" Larry’s voice calls out.  Mary Anne closes and locks the door, then smiles at the turkeys and coos, "Oh, hello turkeys!"

Larry and Balki appear in the window of the door, trying to get inside.  "Unlock the door!  Unlock the door!" Larry calls.  "Well, I wish you’d make up your mind!" Mary Anne complains as she unlocks and opens the door.  Larry and Balki run in and start running around the kitchen after the turkeys, trying to herd them toward the door.  "Come on, come on," Larry urges, "Balki!  Balki, get ‘em out.  Get ‘em out.  Get ‘em outta here.  Come on."  Larry circles one turkey as it spins around, then finally manages to pick it up.  "I got it, I got it, I got it," Larry assures the girls, "Okay, okay.  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.  I got it.  All right, we’re leaving.  We’re leaving."  Larry helps get the turkeys through the door and tells Balki, "Take these . . . take these turkeys outta here.  And stop trying to put those little pilgrim hats on ‘em."  "Well, excuse me for getting into the spirit of the holiday," Balki sighs, "How ‘bout . . . how ‘bout just them little buckles on their shoes?"  "No," Larry insists.

"How ‘bout just little lace bibs?" Balki asks.  "No," Larry repeats, "Get out, get outta here.  Take ‘em out."  Larry closes the door then sighs.  Jennifer is at the counter and cries, "Where’s my ring?  I . . . I had it right here.  It’s gone.  I’ve lost my diamond ring."  "W . . . well, don’t worry, Jen," Larry says as he walks over to her, "W . . . we’ll find it."  Larry, Jennifer and Mary Anne start looking around on the floor.  "Are . . . are you sure it was on the counter?" Larry asks.  "Yes, Larry, I’m sure," Jennifer insists, "Every time I cook I take off my diamond ring and I put it by the salt and pepper shakers.  Salt, pepper, diamond.  Salt, pepper, diamond.  Only now it’s salt, pepper, nothing."  "No one’s been in here but us and the turkeys," Mary Anne points out.  Jennifer looks at Larry and then grabs him by the shirt, threatening, "Larry, if one of your stupid birds ate my ring you’ll be the one who gets whacked and sacked!"  Larry looks duly terrified.

A little while later, Larry and Balki are in the kitchen at the table.  There is a tool box sitting on the table and Larry is holding a metal detector, which he’s waving over a live turkey that Balki is holding.  The metal detector doesn’t make any noise as it’s passing over the turkey.  Larry pulls the detector away and inadvertently waves it over the toolbox.  The detector lets out a loud noise.  Larry waves it over the toolbox again, repeating the loud noise.  Larry picks up the tool box and moves it to the counter behind them.  As he does this, the detector waves past Balki’s head and makes the same loud noise.  Larry realizes this and ponders it, waving the detector around Balki’s head again and producing the loud noise again.  Balki looks at Larry in a blank way, but picking up on what’s going on. Larry thinks about what to do for a moment, then shakes his head and lets it pass without question and sets the detector aside.  "Well, I’m exhausted," Larry sighs, "We’ve been doing this all night.  What a lousy Thanksgiving this is turning out to be."

"Cousin, shhh," Balki urges, motioning to the turkey and mouthing the words, "He’ll hear you."  "Balki, I don’t believe this," Larry continues, "We’ve checked every turkey three times.  There’s no metal in any of them."  "Well, maybe the turkey that took it didn’t swallow it," Balki suggests.  "What do you mean ‘he didn’t swallow it?’" Larry asks.  "Well, maybe he hid it," Balki continues.  "He hid it?" Larry asks with confusion.  "Well, Cousin, eh . . . it’s a well-known fact that turkeys are the practical jokers of the farmyard," Balki explains as he takes the turkey to the door to put it outside, "And when you consider how gullible the cows are and the fact that chickens have absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever, well, you can imagine how kooky things can get."  Balki sets the turkey outside and then calls out, "If any of you find a ring out there, there’s extra corn in it for you!"  Balki closes the door and returns to Larry and they both stands with their hands on the table, looking thoughtful.

"Balki, one of the turkeys had to swallow it," Larry states, "It’s the only thing that makes sense.  All right, now . . . Jennifer set the ring down on the counter.  Right?"  "Right," Balki confirms.  "Mary Anne opened the door, the turkeys came in.  Right?"  "Right."  "And you took the turkeys back outside and the ring was gone.  Right?"  "Right."  "And we haven’t sold any turkeys.  Right?" Larry asks.  Balki doesn’t answer.  Instead he looks worried.  "And we haven’t sold any turkeys.  Right?" Larry repeats.  Balki doesn’t answer, still looking concerned.  "This is where you are supposed to say ‘Right,’" Larry points out, "Right?"  "I’m sorry, I . . . I wasn’t paying attention," Balki tries to wheedle out of answering, "Did you ask me a question?"  Larry starts to advance on Balki as Balki backs away.  "Turkeys.  We haven’t sold any turkeys.  Right?"  Larry asks yet again.  Balki leans against the counter and thinks with a guilty expression, finally answering, "Mmm . . . more or less."  "What do you mean ‘more or less?’" Larry asks.

"Let me ask you a question," Balki begins, "Have . . . have you ever been in a situation where you were given a job to do and you did that job well but, um . . . you . . . you later found out that the job you did well was the wrong thing to do even though you thought it was the right thing to do at the time that you were doing that good job."  "What?" Larry asks, holding back his temper.  "Have you ever been in a situation where . . . where you were given . . . " Balki begins again.  "Balki!" Larry shouts, startling Balki into jumping back, "What are you talking about?"  "Oh, no no!" Balki cries.  "What are you talking about?" Larry cries again as he grabs Balki by the shirt.  "Don’t hurt me!" Balki cries.  "I’m not gonna hurt ya," Larry says intensely.  "You’re not gonna hurt me?" Balki asks nervously.  "I’m not gonna . . . no, I’m not gonna hurt ya . . . " Larry repeats, releasing Balki’s shirt and rubbing Balki’s chest, "No, of course I’m not gonna hurt ya.  Come on.  Come on.  Come on, you’re talkin’ to Cousin Larry here."

"Yeah, I know . . . " Balki smiles.  "You can talk to Cousin Larry, huh?" Larry says as a pal, "Just tell Cousin Larry what you did."  "Cousin Larry is nice to me," Balki observes.  "Yes," Larry nods, "Yes, he is.  Yes, he is."  "He’s just a nice guy," Balki adds.  "Oh, he sure is," Larry agrees with a smile, "He’s a nice guy so just tell Cousin Larry what you did."  "I sold one of the turkeys to the Johnsons," Balki finally explains.  "You what?" Larry screams, and he grabs Balki by the ear and pulls it hard, "Why would you do that?"  "Well, it kind of made sense at the time," Balki fumbles to explain, "I mean, it was the day before Thanksgiving and . . . and we had dozens of turkeys out in the back yard and a sign in the front yard that said ‘Turkeys for Sale.’  I guess I just wasn’t thinking."  "Balki, we have got to get that turkey back from the Johnsons," Larry says.  "No problem," Balki says, "I know what to do."

Balki walks to the door and opens it, looking out over the back yard as he lets out a series of weird turkey calls, making them more provocative at the end and finishing with, "Wwowww!"  Balki closes the door and returns to Larry.  "What was that?" Larry asks.  "That’s the sound turkeys make when they wanna get . . . r . . . romantic," Balki explains, "And it brings them running every time.  I think we’re gonna see that turkey I sold to the Johnsons any second.  As I recall, not an unattractive bird."  "No," Larry contradicts, "No.  By now the Johnson’s turkey is cooked.  We . . . we are gonna have to switch cooked turkeys."  "Well, Cousin, that’s not all we’re gonna have to do," Balki warns, "We’re gonna have to deal with fifty-seven romantic turkeys that are headed this way."  They hear the sound of the turkeys pecking at the back door and look nervous as the scene fades to black.

Act two begins sometime later.  We see Larry and Balki as they approach a home.  Larry is carrying a cooked turkey on a platter.  Balki goes to knock on the front door of the home but Larry pushes him back and begins, "All right, all right.  Now, remember . . . let me do all the talking."  "Cousin, I still think we’re better off telling the truth," Balki insists.  "What am I supposed to say to her?" Larry asks, "‘Excuse me, Mrs. Johnson, but your turkey swallowed a very expensive diamond and I would just like the opportunity to rummage through the bird in the hopes of retrieving it?’"  "I’d believe it," Balki says.  "Well, I have something else in mind.  Something a little more believable," Larry insists, "I am going to tell her that you made a tiny error and sold them a poisoned turkey that could kill their entire family.  Then we’ll exchange our bird for their bird and be on our way.  It’s a whole lot simpler than telling them the truth.  Okay?  Here we go."

Larry turns to knock on the door but Balki interrupts.  "Cousin, you know, I . . . I think it’s . . . I think it’s too late to . . . to do your plan," Balki says as he walks over to the window to look inside, "They’re already having dinner."  Larry joins Balki and looks inside as well.  "Well, if they’re already eating the . . . the poison thing won’t work," Larry realizes, "All right, I’ll have to think of something else.  J . . . just don’t let them see you."  Balki waves through the window and calls, "Hello, Mrs. Johnson!"  Balki motions to the front door, then tells Larry, "Mrs. Johnson’s coming to the door."  "Well, get out of the window!" Larry complains, pulling Balki back to the front door.  "Mrs. Johnson likes me," Balki smiles.  Larry tosses the platter with the turkey away just as Mrs. Johnson opens the door.  "Hello, Balki," Mrs. Johnson smiles.  "Hello, Mrs. Johnson," Balki hugs her, much to her surprise, "Happy Thanksgiving!"  "Ooh, yes," Mrs. Johnson says, then she greets, "Larry.  What can I do for you?"

"Uh, uh, Mrs. Johnson . . . we’re here, uh . . . because, uh . . . because we are a full service turkey organization," Larry thinks on his feet, "And . . . and . . . and, uh . . . so, uh . . . we’re . . . we’re here to . . . serve your bird.  We sell ‘em, we slice ‘em, we serve ‘em."  "That’s . . . that’s very sweet," Mrs. Johnson smiles politely, "uh, but we already have everything on the table."  She turns to go in but Larry cries, "Whoa, ho, ho . . . ho, what about seconds?  What about side dishes?  What about beverages?  What about desserts?"  "What about driver’s side air bags?" Balki asks.  Larry turns and angrily grabs Balki by the shirt, snarling, "Just stop it!  Let me do the talking!"  "But Cousin, I saw the commercial . . . " Balki tries to explain.  "Let me do the talking!  Balki, thank you very much," Larry growls, then he turns back to Mrs. Johnson and announces, "Mrs. Johnson, we’re here to make sure that this is the best darn Thanksgiving the Johnson’s ever had!  Come on, Balki!  We’ve got a meal to serve!"  Larry pushes Mrs. Johnson aside and steps into the house.  Balki steps to Mrs. Johnson and says sympathetically, "Believe me . . . nobody can dish it out like Cousin Larry."  Balki also enters the house.

Balki approaches the dining table where Larry is already standing and greets everyone, "Hello!  Hello!  Don’t stand up.  Don’t stand up."  Mrs. Johnson joins them as Balki looks around and asks, "Have you done something different in here?  I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been in here."  Mr. Johnson leans over to his wife and asks, "Marion, what’s the foreign boy from down the street doing here?"  "I’m not really sure," Mrs. Johnson admits, then she says, "Um, Larry and Balki, this is my husband Howard."  "Hi," Larry and Balki greet him simultaneously.  "And this is our son Richie, our daughter Joanie and Grandpa Johnson," Mrs. Johnson completes the introductions.  "Well, it’s a pleasure meeting you all," Larry says as he hurries to Mrs. Johnson and suggests, "Why don’t you just sit down and, uh, enjoy your Thanksgiving dinner?  We’re here just to make your meal a little more enjoyable."  "Why?" Mr. Johnson asks.  "Well, Howard, Thanksgiving has always been a . . . a . . . special time at the Appleton home and, uh . . . I just thought, I’d like to share that special feeling this year with a few close friends."

"What’s the Appleton home?" Mr. Johnson asks warily.  "Well . . . it’s my home," Larry explains, "I’m Larry Appleton."  "And I’m Balki Bartokomous," Balki adds, pulling Mr. Johnson’s head into his chest as a means of hugging.  Balki then starts spooning through the stuffing on the table and comments, "Oh, Mrs., um . . . Mrs. Johnson, your stuffing looks delicious.  Do you use chestnuts or walnuts?  Me, I use a handful of beer nuts."  "Uh, Balki," Larry gets Balki’s attention, then he addresses the family, "Uh, why . . . why don’t we all just, uh . . . bow our heads for grace?  Howard, would you do the honors?"  "I’ve . . . I’ve already said grace," Howard explains.  "Oh, ha ha!" Larry laughs, "And I missed it.  And you know, it just doesn’t feel like Thanksgiving with . . . without, uh, hearing grace."  "Uh, Howard, just say grace and . . . and maybe they’ll go away," Mrs. Johnson suggests.  "Let us bow our heads," Howard says, and the family members bow their heads down as he begins reciting grace.  "Dear Lord, we thank you for the food we are about to eat.  For the good fortune our family’s been blessed with.  We come together . . . "

Larry walks around to the other side of Balki, who also has his head bent down.  "All right, now," Larry begins, "If the turkey swallowed the . . . "  Larry realizes Balki is deeply involved in the prayer and not hearing him.  Larry slaps the back of Balki’s head, making him look up in shock.  Larry pulls Balki closer and begins, "All right, now listen, if the turkey swallowed the ring, it would be in the gizzard.  Now the gizzard is either in the stuffing or in the gravy.  You check the stuffing and the gravy.  I’ll check the turkey."  Larry slaps Balki’s back and then walks around to the other side of the table just as Mr. Johnson finishes, " . . . today and always, amen!"  Balki begins spooning through the stuffing as the family repeats, "Amen!"  "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa . . . " Larry says, stopping them as they get ready to eat, "Ha ha ha, I think we all have a little more to be grateful for than that!  Huh?  Y . . . you know, I . . . I would like to say a few words so if we could just bow our heads again."  "I’m hungry!" Richie complains.  "Me, too," Joannie agrees.

"And so are children all over the world but they have no food to eat!" Larry snarls, "Which is why we have so much to be thankful for.  So could we just bow our heads and reflect on the true meaning of this day?"  Larry pushes down Mr. and Mrs. Johnson’s heads and the rest of the family bows theirs as well.  "Thanksgiving," Larry continues, then he notices that once again Balki has lowered his head and is into the prayer.  Larry sidles up to Balki and slaps him on the back of the head again.  "The stuffing!  Check the stuffing!" Larry growls under his breath, "The stuffing!"  Balki tries to argue but Larry grunts, "Shut up!" then begins giving the prayer again.  "Thanksgiving," Larry recites as Balki spoons through the stuffing, dumping huge portions of it on Mr. Johnson’s plate, "Thanks and giving.  What do these two words mean?"  "I know!" Balki jumps in excitedly, "I know!"  Everyone starts to look up but Larry shouts, "Heads down!  Heads down!  Nobody said anything!"

Larry motions for Balki to continue to look as Balki says, "I . . . I know, I know what they . . . "  "Shut up!  Shut up!" Larry snarls, then he continues, "Giving . . . giving . . . "  Larry leans toward Balki and says urgently under his breath, "The gravy . . . the gravy . . . "  Balki walks down to check the gravy as Larry picks up the platter with the turkey and starts to feel inside the bird as he continues the prayer.  "Giving . . . the . . . the act of imparting or bestowing."  "That’s what I was gonna say," Balki tells Larry.  "Shut up!" Larry snarls, then he continues, "Now, putting these two words back together . . . "  Larry gets his hand stuck inside the turkey.  He puts the platter aside to try to get it off as Balki pours out all the gravy from the bowl.  " . . . we have . . . we have . . . Thanksgiving.  The . . . the bestowal of gratitude . . . "  Larry whispers Balki’s name and motions to the turkey stuck on his hand, mouthing, "Help me!  Help me!" before continuing, " . . . and . . . and looking around I see that we . . . we have so much to be grateful for."  Joannie looks up at Larry and Larry shouts, "Eyes down, missy!"  Mrs. Johnson cowers as well.

"Just the . . . just the facts of . . . " Larry grunts and motions wildly for Balki to come help him.  "Just the fact of . . . of being together is . . . is something to be grateful for," Larry continues as Balki comes over to help him.  "Have you finished yet?" Mr. Johnson complains, looking up.  Larry hides the turkey on his hand behind his back and scoffs, "Oh!  Oh, Howard, am I taking too long to express gratitude to our Creator?  Hmm?  I mean, you know I could just say that Howard didn’t want to take the time to thank the man upstairs."  Mr. Johnson looks somewhat guilty.  "Heads down!  Heads down!" Larry orders, "Thanksgiving . . . "  Larry holds out his hand so that Balki can try to pull the turkey off, growling, "Get it off me!  Thanksgiving . . . being grateful . . . grateful for the air we breathe.  For the few merciless . . . "  Balki tugs on the turkey on Larry’s arm, pulling him away into the other room. Mr. Johnson looks up and tells his wife, "I’m throwing them out!" as we hear things crashing in the other room.  "Maybe we should do what they say," Mrs. Johnson suggests nervously, "I . . . I think they’re crazy."  The family quickly starts helping themselves to the food while they have the chance.  We continue to hear Larry and Balki struggling with the turkey in the other room.

"Thanks to those for giving . . . " Larry continues as he and Balki reappear, the turkey now stuck on Larry’s foot.  Balki manages to pull the turkey free as the family lowers their eyes again.  "Cousin . . . Cousin, go deep!" Balki instructs as Larry approaches the family and Balki tosses him the turkey, which Larry returns to the table, startling the family terribly.  Grandpa Johnson starts to cough.  "Grandpa’s choking on the ring!" Larry shouts.  "Grandpa!  Grandpa!" Balki cries as he runs behind the man’s chair, "Let’s get those arms up!  Arms up!  Arms up!"  As Grandpa raises his arms Balki tickles him on the armpits.  Larry runs in and pushes Balki aside and grabs Grandpa around the middle, pulling him from his chair and squeezing him around the middle.  "Come on!" Larry shouts, "Come on, you old geezer!  Cough up the ring!"  They roll around on the floor as Grandpa cries, "I’m not choking!  I’m not choking!"  Mr. Johnson jumps to his feet and shouts, "Leave my father alone and get the hell out of here!"  Larry and Balki run to the table and start rummaging through the food again and the family screams and yells.

Even later that day, back at the house, Jennifer, Mary Anne and Balki are sitting at the kitchen table as Larry looks out the back door and calls, "You’re welcome!  And Happy Thanksgiving!"  Larry closes the door and comes to sit at the table.  "Larry, it was very nice of you to donate those turkeys to the homeless shelter," Jennifer smiles.  "Well, I like to do what I can for the less fortunate during the holiday season," Larry explains.  "Cousin Larry’s exact words were ‘As long as I’m stuck with all these turkeys I may as well at least get a tax deduction out of it,’" Balki adds.  "I . . . I think it would be nice if we all just, uh . . . took a moment and, uh, gave thanks for all that we have," Larry suggests.  Balki bows his head and Jennifer begins, "Oh . . . well, um . . . I’m thankful for two of the best friends anyone could ever hope for and I’m thankful to the most understanding husband in the world who didn’t get angry with me when I found my diamond ring in my jewelry box."  "I’m thankful that we have the opportunity to share Thanksgiving together," Mary Anne offers.

"Well, uh . . . I don’t know where to begin," Larry says, "Uh . . . this has been the most wonderful year of my life and I have a lot to be grateful for.  I’m married to the most wonderful woman in the world and I’m thankful for our lovely home and the two dear friends who share it with us.  I’m very thankful that I’m out of the turkey selling business although I know with a . . . a little time and a lot more support I could’ve made a go of it."  Everyone waits for Balki, who is sitting with his head bowed.  Larry finally has to slap the back of Balki’s head to get his attention.  "I have a lot to be thankful for," Balki begins, "I’m celebrating my first truly American holiday as an American citizen, and um . . . I want to thank Mary Anne, Cousin Jennifer and Cousin Larry for all of their love and support.  And uh . . . I want to thank the Johnsons for not calling the police even though Grandpa Johnson wanted to press charges. Let’s eat."

Balki removes the cover from a large dish in the middle of the table, revealing four TV dinners stacked on top of each other.  "Now, who had the Salisbury steak?" Balki asks, picking up the dinner with a pot holder.  "I did," Mary Anne says.  Balki places it on her plate and asks, "And the cheese enchilada?"  Jennifer motions it’s hers and Balki puts it on her plate.  "I’ve got the lasagna," Balki says, putting a dinner on his plate, then he picks up the last and largest dinner and puts it on Larry’s plate, saying, "Cousin, a Hungry Man for you!"  As they prepare to eat the episode ends.

Continue on to the next episode . . .