Nielsen Rating: 15.7 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 12 - Ladies and Germs
First Air Date: November 5, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 15.7 HH
TV Guide Description: On the eve of a once-in-a-lifetime date with the woman of his dreams, Larry is willing to try anything to cure his cold, including one of Balki's Myposian remedies.
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: William Bickley & Michael Warren
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Ernie Sabella: Mr. Donald Twinkacetti
Belita Moreno: Mrs. Edwina Twinkacetti
Guest Cast:
Erica Gayle: Marie Twinkacetti
Matthew Licht: Donnie Twinkacetti
Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri can be seen
sitting on the desk / hutch left of the front door throughout the episode.
Balki-isms:
"You say to-may-to and I say to-may-to."
Don’t be ridiculous: Said once in this episode.
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Wwowww!"
"Oh my Lord!"
"Oh po po po!"
Other running jokes used in this episode:
Larry trying to explain something totally new to Balki who doesn’t understand
(in this case the concept of germs)
Balki asking a question about something and Larry just answering "Yes"
to avoid a long explanation
Balki making it hard on Larry after Larry has made fun of something Myposian all
day then suddenly wants it (in this case the Mypos cure).
Songs: "Freeway of Love" - sung by Balki as he’s shining his shoes at the very beginning
Interesting facts:
- The episode title is inspired by an old nightclub
opening joke in which a comedian would say "Ladies and germs . . . "
instead of 
"Ladies and gentlemen . . . "
- Bronson sings the Aretha Franklin song "Freeway of Love" as Balki in
this episode . . . a few years later the song would be featured quite
prominently in the Lorimar movie Second Sight starring Bronson and directed by
veteran PS director Joel Zwick.
- One of the regular background characters shows up
walking by in the hospital corridor, accompanied by a doctor. Perhaps
Windy proved to be a bit too much for him the previous week in Las Vegas!
- The Twinkacetti children, a boy and a girl, are named Donnie and Marie, having
obviously been named after the famous
Osmonds. Donnie and Marie would make only
one other appearance on the series in the episode A Christmas Story.
Matthew Licht, who played Donnie Twinkacetti, is the brother of Jeremy Licht
who was a regular on the series Valerie (that later became The Hogan
Family), another Miller / Boyett series which started before Perfect
Strangers. (Matthew had also made an appearance on Valerie.)
- Halley’s Comet is a periodic comet only clearly visible from Earth (with the
naked eye or smaller telescopes) every 75 or 76 years. People used to often
pronounce it "hay-lee" but Mark uses the proper pronunciation with a
flat ‘a’ (as in Halle Berry).
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- It’s amazing enough that Mypos has a cure for the common cold . . . it’s
even more amazing they would have two! But in the season six episode
Little Apartment of Horrors a whole new cure for the common cold is found and no
reference to this original cure is ever mentioned.
- A missing scene from the episode creates an
interesting blooper, when Balki and Larry suddenly and inexplicably change
places while adjusting the counterweight for Twinkacetti's leg! To
understand how this happened, read the Script Variations below!
Synopsis:
The episode begins in the apartment where Balki is shining his shoes and dancing as
he sings "Freeway of Love." Larry enters, looking very satisfied with
himself. "Guess who has a date with Bonnie Kleinschmidt!" "Pat
Sajak," Balki guesses. "Close," Larry answers. "Me.
Larry
Appleton. Stud. I have a date with Bonnie Kleinschmidt, fourth
runner-up in the Miss Chicago beauty contest." "But I thought
she always laugh in your face when you ask her out," Balki notes.
"She's beautiful when she laughs," Larry says in awe, "But she
won't be laughing in this face any more. I have two tickets to the Bruce
Springsteen concert." Larry pulls the tickets out of his pocket and
holds them up to show Balki. "Wwowww!" Balki gasps, "So that’s how you get dates . . . you bribe them," Balki
deduces. "It’s a method," Larry confirms, "When I walk
into that stadium Bruce is gonna look down and see Bonnie on my arm and say
'Whoa . . . way to go, Appleton!'" He puts the tickets back into his
pocket.
"I'm happy for you," Balki
smiles, "Now let's go!" Balki hurries to get his jacket from the
door. "Where?" Larry asks. "Where? We've got to
go to the hospital to visit Mr. Twinkacetti. He broke his leg,
remember?" "Yeah, I remember," Larry hesitates, "but 
I'm not going." "But . . . you promised," Balki says,
following Larry to the kitchen. He then sadly asks, "Does this mean
we're not going out for ice cream, either?" "Balki, I agreed to
our little field trip before I had a date with Bonnie," Larry explains,
"I don't want to risk missing that date by getting sick. Hospitals
are crawling with germs." Larry pops open a can of soda.
"What germs is?" Balki asks. "Germs. They're little,
tiny living organisms that cause sickness, disease and death," Larry
explains, "They're all over. Every place." Balki looks
around them warily. "Are there any here now?" he asks.
"You betcha," Larry assures him as he walks to the chair to sit down,
"They're all over the place. On this table. On that
couch. All over this can." Balki looks at Larry with concern,
then walks over and presses the back of his hand to Larry's forehead.
Balki sits on the couch and gently informs Larry, "I don't see
anything."
"Nobody can see them," Larry
says, "They are . . . they're . . . they're tiny. They're
microscopic. See, germs are little, tiny things 
that travel through the
air and they get into your body and they make you sick." Balki speaks
gently to Larry as if he is crazy, saying, "Tell me about these invisible
creatures . . . do they have a leader?" "Okay, Balki,"
Larry sighs, "You may not believe it but germs are real. I should
know. Every time there was something really important in my life germs
ruined it for me. I missed my sixth grade graduation. I missed the
spelling bee, and I was a shoo in! I missed my junior prom all because of
germs. And I am not going to miss Bonnie Kleinschmidt!"
"Okay, I go to the hospital," Balki states, "You stay here.
I go visit our boss. And when he says 'Where's Appleton?' I'll say, 'Oh
him? He's at home hiding from little invisible things that are out to get
him.'" Balki hits the side of his head in frustration.
"Okay, five minutes," Larry agrees, "No more." He gets
up to leave with Balki, who assures him as he picks up a magazine, "Don't
worry! I'll watch out for germs." Balki uses the magazine to
hit the table, then points to the spot and announces, "Got him!"
At the hospital, Larry is standing just
inside a private room waiting for Balki to catch up with him. Balki
enters, looking happy. 
"Boy,
American hospitals are wonderful," Balki says, "Do
they keep the animals on another floor?" "Yes," Larry
answers flippantly, "Now can we just say 'get well' and get out of
here? This place is crawling with germs." Balki reaches over
and picks up a bedpan from a nearby desk. "A Mypos army helmet!"
he exclaims, and proceeds to put it on his head and salute. Larry is
mortified. "Balki . . . Balki, take that off. It is not a
helmet." "What is it?" Balki asks.
"It, oh . . . it, oh . . . it’s not a helmet," Larry
insists. Balki takes it off and sets it back down. "Okay, now
we have three minutes," Larry says, checking his watch. He walks to
the bed which is surrounded by curtains and pulls them aside. "Hello,
Mr. Twinkacetti!" Balki says cheerfully. "Don't tell me . . .
you're here for your lobotomy," Mr. Twinkacetti scowls. "No, we
didn't come for fun," Balki assures him, "We came to visit you."
"Hello,
Mr. Twinkacetti," Larry says, "I'm . . . I'm sorry about your
leg. See you later." Larry turns to leave and Balki
follows. "Thanks," Mr. Twinkacetti says absently, then calls
them back, saying, "Oh, before you go, here . . . lower my leg. You
use the crank and you hold my foot gently. It hurts." Larry and
Balki return. Larry holds Twinkacetti's leg as Balki tries to work the
crank. "Gently!" Twinkacetti reminds them. "Uh . . .
stuck," Balki reports about the crank. "Stuck?" Twinkacetti
asks. "Well, uh . . . just press the release," Larry
suggests. "No!" Twinkacetti cries, but he's too late.
Balki presses the release and the counterweight falls, pulling Twinkacetti's leg
up into the air. He screams with pain. Larry leaps forward and grabs
Twinkacetti's leg and quickly lowers it, causing him even more pain.
"Get out!" Twinkacetti barks, "Out! Now!"
Balki
and Larry turn to leave and run into Mrs. Twinkacetti entering with a young boy
and girl. "Oh boys, you came to visit!" she greet them, "We
heard the fun all the way down the hall." "Yeah, we're havin' a
big time," Larry smiles. Mrs. Twinkacetti and the children walk to
the bed. "Edwina, my pet," Mr. Twinkacetti says, and then even
less enthusiastically, "Oh, you brought the children."
"Larry, Balki, these are our children, Donnie and Marie," Mrs.
Twinkacetti introduces them. "Well, it's very nice to meet you,"
Larry says nicely, then kneels down to address the girl, "And what a pretty
little girl! I'm sorry we can't stay and chat." Marie proceeds
to sneeze right into Larry's face. "Marie, please!" Mrs.
Twinkacetti scolds, "Cover your mouth when you sneeze! You don't want
to give everybody your germs!" "Germs!" Balki says
worriedly. "I'm outta here," Larry says, and he runs from the
room.
Saturday morning at the apartment, Balki
is pouring bowls of puffed rice cereal for himself and Larry. Larry walks
out of his 
bedroom
wearing his pajamas and robe and lets out two loud sneezes. He is the
picture of poor health. He reaches the dining table as Balki is slicing a
banana for his cereal. "Good morning," Balki greets him
cheerfully, "And how are you today?" "How am I today?"
Larry asks in a stuffed-up voice, "Isn't it obvious how I am
today?" Larry sneezes into his cereal bowl and puffed rice flies in
all directions. "You made a mess," Balki states calmly.
"Balki, I am sick and it is all your fault!" Larry complains.
"It is?" Balki asks, getting a towel to clean up the cereal. "Yes!
The minute that little brat sneezed on me I knew I was doomed!" Larry
complains, except with the cold in his nose the word "doomed" comes
out sounding like "dubed." "You were what?" Balki asks
with confusion. "Dubed," Larry repeats. "Dubed?"
Balki asks, pronouncing it as "doo-bed." "Dubed!
Dubed! Dubed!" Larry repeats, not sounding any clearer at all.
The phone rings and Larry walks over to
pick up the receiver on the phone stand by the door while Balki picks up the
receiver in 
the
kitchen at the same time. "Hello?" Larry asks.
"Hello," Balki answers. "Who is this?" Larry
asks. "This is Balki," Balki says happily. "Will you
get off the phone?" Larry yells across the room at Balki, who nervously
hangs up the receiver. "Who is this?" Larry repeats into the
receiver, then softens his voice to say, "Oh hello, Bonnie. Yeah,
ooh, well . . . I'm looking forward to it, too. Hmm? Oh uh . . . no
no . . . well, you sound funny, too. It's a bad connection."
Larry lets out a loud sneeze, then says, "God bless you, Balki."
"Thank you," Balki replies, then has to think about it.
"So, I'll, uh . . . I'll pick you up at seven, okay?" Larry continues,
"Okay, bye bye." Larry hangs up the phone. "All
right, I can do this!" Larry says, "I need vitamins! I need
liquids!" He lets out three violent sneezes in a row.
"Cousin, you need a miracle," Balki observes. Larry sneezes
again. The scene fades to black.
The second act begins later in the
day. Larry is sitting on the couch, slicing oranges. The coffee
table is also covered with 
wadded
up tissues. Balki enters through the front door, carrying several shopping
bags. "Cousin? I got all the vitamins you wanted," he
announces. "Thank you," Larry offers. "You sound
terrible," Balki sighs as he sits on the couch next to Larry.
"Of course I sound terrible," Larry moans, pointing to his sinuses,
"There's a war going on in there!" Balki leans over to look up
Larry's nose, and asks, "Who's winning?" Larry grabs one of the
bags from Balki and dumps numerous vitamin bottles out onto the coffee
table. "I'm going to win this one," Larry insists, "Germs
made me miss my junior prom but I am not going to miss Bonnie Kleinschmidt!"
"Why don't you cancel this date and ask her out again sometime when you can
feel better?" Balki asks. "Oh, sure . . . just ask her out some
other time," Larry scoffs, "Why don't I wait for Halley's Comet to fly
through my living room?" "Well, I had an uncle who was hit by a
meteor," Balki offers. Larry eyes Balki for a moment, then says,
"I bet you did!"
Larry takes the caps off all the
bottles. "I am not giving up this time. I got my A, I got my B,
I got my C, I got my D." "Yeah, put 
them
all together and what do they spell? ABCD," Balki replies,
pronouncing the four letters as a word. Balki then picks up another one of
the shopping bags. "You can take those little pills, they probably
won't hurt you, but if you really want to get well you've got to get
serious," Balki notes, "Now . . . I've got your garlic." He
pulls a rope of garlic out of the bag. "I've got your wolfbane."
He pulls out a plastic bag full of something orange. "And I've got
your pumpkin mold." He pulls out a bag of some green, nasty-looking
stuff. "What is that?" Larry asks. "Well, you take a
pumpkin and you put it out in the back yard until it rots and then this fuzzy,
blue stuff . . . " "I know what mold is," Larry assures
him, "Why did you buy it?" "Well, I'm the one that made you
go to the hospital so the least I can do is make you better for your date,"
Balki explains, "Now, the wolfbane is for your runny nose, the pumpkin mold
is for your cough and the garlic just makes you feel good all over."
"I bet it keeps away vampires," Larry says sarcastically.
"Well, that's a side benefit," Balki agrees.
"Balki, why don't you go into the
kitchen and and try to turn some lead into gold?" Larry suggests,
"Leave me alone." Larry starts sorting out the pills, lining
them up on the coffee table as he notes, "A, A, A, A . . . B, B, B, B . . .
" Balki has gotten up and walked 
behind
the couch, but decides to try again, sitting in the chair. "Cousin .
. . I really can make you better!" "How? By feeding me
things that pigs would turn up their snouts at?" Larry says.
"No, those things are only to make you feel better while I cook you this
secret Mypos cure," Balki explains, holding up a smaller paper bag,
"It's the only thing that will make you well." "A
cure?" Larry asks incredulously, "Balki, I have a cold. All of
medical science has been trying for centuries to find a cure for the common cold
and have failed. Now you're telling me that Mypos, a country with one
phone . . . a country where only the royal family has indoor plumbing . . . a
country where the foremost spectator sport is spitting for distance . . . tiny,
little Mypos has the cure?" "Yes," Balki answers
emphatically. "I'll stick with modern medicine, thank you,"
Larry says. Balki gets up and walks to the kitchen while Larry takes a
handful of the vitamins and pops them into his mouth all at once. He
immediately starts to choke, and Balki runs to him as he spits them out
again. Once Larry is done coughing, Balki hits the back of Larry's head
and one last pill pops out.
Still later, Balki is in the kitchen
working over the stove. Larry is sitting in the chair with a blanket over
his head and steam 
coming
out from underneath. Larry sneezes again. Balki walks over and pulls
the blanket back, revealing Larry has been sitting with his face over a
humidifier. "Not working, is it?" Balki asks.
"It’s working just
fine," Larry counters, "I can’t breath but my skin is soft and
supple." "You've wasted almost a whole day with this hocus
pocus," Balki points out, "Are you ready to try the garlic necklace
now?" Balki tries to place it over Larry's head. "Balki,
get that away from me," Larry resists, "It smells
terrible!" "You see? It's working already!" Balki
says. Larry unplugs the humidifier from the extension cord and gets
up. He is unsteady on his feet and Balki starts circling the top of
Larry's head with the garlic necklace, as Larry sways with it. Larry
finally realizes what Balki is doing and gives him a dirty look.
"Don't you have something else to do?" Larry asks. "Well,
excuse me for being well," Balki says, dropping the necklace on the coffee
table and returning to the kitchen.
"I'm sorry," Larry apologizes,
"I'm on edge! I have an hour and a half to get well or I'm gonna miss
the date of my life! Oh, who am 
I
kidding?" Larry sits on the couch in defeat. "I'm not
gonna make it." "Maybe you'd feel better if you got
dressed," Balki suggests. "Maybe I will," Larry says
hopefully, "My mother used to say that. She'd say, 'Larry, if you get
up and get dressed and go to school, you'll feel better.'" Larry
stands up, but almost immediately sits down again. "She lied,"
he moans, "I always got up, I got dressed, I went to school . . . I never
felt better. The germs have won again. No prom for Larry
Appleton." Larry falls across the couch in despair. Balki walks
over to him and says, "Is that it? Are you giving up just like
that?" "Yes," Larry replies, "Call Bonnie Kleinschmidt.
Tell her I died in my sleep. Oh, and tell her I was rich. Why should
she be happy?" Balki reaches down and grabs the front of Larry's robe
and pulls him into a standing position, saying, "You get up! You
don't give up like that!"
"Balki, it's over," Larry shakes
his head, laying down again, "I've tried everything."
"You've tried everything," Balki sighs, "I've 
tried
everything! I make the secret Mypos cure for you, it's finished, it's
sitting right there in the kitchen in case anybody should want it."
Larry stands up. "Balki, don't you understand? I have to pick
Bonnie up in an hour and a half." "It works in twenty
minutes," Balki explains. "But Balki, that makes no sense!"
Larry cries, "It goes against two hundred years of medical
science." "Well then, I'll just flush it down the toilet,"
Balki says. "All right," Larry says, grabbing Balki's shirt,
"All right! I . . . I . . . I've tried everything else. Why
not? Give me the Mypos cure!" Balki waits a moment, then leans
his ear closer to Larry's mouth and asks, "What was that?"
"Give me the Mypos cure!" Larry repeats. "Give you the
Mypos cure," Balki says, "You who make fun of my country's medicine
all day long? You who thinks little, tiny people are fighting up your
nose? Give you the Mypos cure?" "You're gonna make this
hard for me, aren't you?" Larry realizes.
"Well, of course I'm not," Balki
assures him, "All I want you to do is say the magic words."
"What? Please?" Larry says sweetly. 
Balki
shakes his head no. "Thank you." Balki continues to shake
his head. "I'm sorry." Balki still says no.
"What?" Larry asks impatiently. Balki holds up a finger to
remind Larry to be nice, so Larry smiles and asks more quietly,
"What?" "I want you to say, 'I believe,'" Balki
explains. "I believe," Larry immediately says. "Like
you mean it," Balki notes. Larry moans with frustration, then smiles
again. "I believe," he says in a sincere tone. "I
knew you would," Balki smiles, and he goes into the kitchen to get the cure
as Larry sits on the couch. "It's okay," Larry says to himself,
"When I'm well I'll renounce everything." He smiles
mischievously. Balki returns and informs Larry, "I heard that.
Now . . . first let me warn you it tastes terrible." "It doesn't
matter, I can't taste anything anyway," Larry assures him. "And
it looks terrible," Balki says, revealing a jar filled with a dark colored
liquid. "Oh my Lord," Larry gasps when he sees it, "Wh . .
. what's in that?" "The secret," Balki answers.
"I can imagine," Larry says, "I mean, is there eye of newt or
bat's wings in there?" "Well, of course not, don't be
ridiculous," Balki scoffs, "That's for back pain. This is fish
parts and herbs. Oh! I . . . I be right back!"
Balki goes into the kitchen to get
something. Larry picks up the jar and drinks the contents while Balki is
gone. When finished, 
Larry
makes a face of disgust. Balki returns with a spoon and eyes the empty
container with shock, then notes Larry's face. "What did you
do?" Balki cries. "I drank it," Larry answers, "You're
right, it's disgusting!" "That was enough for a whole
village!" Balki informs him, then holds the teaspoon out in front of Larry,
saying, "This . . . this . . . this . . . was how much you were supposed to
take." "So? It's just herbs and fish parts," Larry
shrugs, "A little is good, a lot is better." Larry stands up and
Balki eyes him worriedly, sighing, "Oh po . . . po po po po . . .
" "Well, how long does it take to work?" Larry asks.
"Well, that amount should work pretty fast," Balki says.
"Well, I'm waiting . . . I don't feel anything," Larry notes. A
moment later he gets a glazed look on his face. He stares at Balki dopily,
finally saying, "Balki . . . I can see through you." After a
moment Balki steps forward and waves the spoon in front of Larry's face, but
Larry doesn't react at all. Balki drops the spoon then swings Larry down
to lay on the couch, his eyes wide open. Balki covers Larry with a throw
and then places the garlic necklace around his head, looking down at his
comatose cousin with concern.
The next scene starts with Larry slowly
waking up on the couch. He has a five o'clock shadow. Balki is by
the window, dusting. 
We
can see it is dark outside now. Balki hears Larry moan and runs to
him. "Cousin? Are you waking up?" "Whoa!"
Larry says as he sits up, "Whoa . . . ho! That was some potent
stuff!" "I bet you're feeling like a million digdas!" Balki
surmises. "Well, I feel fantastic!" Larry realizes, taking a
deep breath and announcing, "I can breathe! I feel better than I have
felt . . . in my entire life! Balki, that is a miracle cure!"
"Well, I'm glad you're feeling better," Balki says, pulling Larry back
when he tries to stand up, "There's something we've got to talk
about." Larry checks his watch. "I have fifteen minutes to
get ready for my date. Balki, how can I ever thank you?" Larry
gets up and starts to walk around the couch toward his room. "Well,
before you thank me . . . " Balki begins. "Balki, you should
bottle that stuff!" Larry says, "Do you realize what you have
there? An herbal medicine that can cure a person in less than an hour . .
. why is the evening paper so thick?" Larry eyes the large newspaper
on the dining table.
"Well, because it's Sunday's
paper," Balki explains. Larry looks shocked.
"Sunday?" he gasps, "I have been asleep for 
twenty-four
hours?" "Well, no," Balki replies. Larry sighs with
relief. "Actually, it's Tuesday," Balki says, "I thought
you might like the Sunday funnies." "I have been asleep for
three days?" Larry gasps, "Three days?" "What happened
to 'Thank you, Balki, for the miracle?'" Balki asks. "Three
days!" Larry cries in disbelief. "Well, if you had taken just a
teaspoonful like you were supposed to, you would have taken just a nice little
twenty minute nap," Balki explains, "But you had to gobble down the
whole thing so you took two hundred and sixteen little twenty minute naps.
I counted." "I missed my one-shot date with Bonnie Kleinschmidt,"
Larry realizes. "Well, we gotta talk about that, too," Balki
begins, "After you were asleep, Bonnie called and she was very excited
about seeing Bruce Springsteen so I did just what you told me to do. I
told her you were dead . . . and then I told her you were rich . . . and then I
. . . took her out myself."
"You
took out my date?" Larry asks in disbelief. "Well, of course I
did. You were dead," Balki replies, "But you didn't miss
anything. When we got there, Bonnie ran off with some guy who had front
row tickets. You slept through that humiliating experience . . . I lived
it." Balki walks to the couch and sits down. "Well, I'm .
. . I'm sorry that you had to go through that," Larry offers, walking
around to join Balki on the couch, "I guess I've been a little rude . . .
insensitive . . . inconsiderate . . . stop me any time now."
"No, you're doing fine," Balki assures him. "Well, I
realize you had my best interests at heart," Larry admits. "I
did," Balki assures him, "And I know I should not have forced the
Mypos cure on you . . . even though it was the best thing for you."
"Well, let's not fight about it," Larry suggests, "I mean, you
have your ways and I have my ways." "Exactly," Balki
agrees, "Who's to say who's right? You say to-may-to and I say
to-may-to."
"Good
point," Larry says, "At least it wasn't a total loss. You got to
see Bruce Springsteen." "Oh, he didn't show up," Balki
explains, "He had the flu and was smart enough to stay home. They
rescheduled the concert for next week. You can go then with Bonnie
Kleinschmidt." Balki hands Larry two tickets. "No, I don't
think so," Larry muses, "I think I'll give this ticket to somebody who
deserves it. Somebody who knows Larry Appleton . . . someone who likes
Larry Appleton . . . " "Someone who's related to Larry
Appleton," Balki adds. "Why not?" Larry asks, and is about
to hand Balki the ticket when he asks, "You spent the last three days
taking care of me, didn't you?" "I dusted you every
morning," Balki assures him. Larry hands Balki his ticket.
"What d'ya say you and I use these tickets?" Larry asks. Balki
lets out a loud sneeze, then worriedly says, "Germs!" Larry
picks up the garlic necklace and places it around Balki's neck, making Balki
smile.
Script Variations:
There were some
notable differences between the Final Draft dated August 12, 1986 and the
episode which aired:
- The
description of Balki shining his shoes indicates he is cleaning them with
Windex.
- There
was some additional dialogue about germs in the opening scene. After Balki
says he doesn't see anything Larry says "You can't see them."
"Can you?" Balki asks, thinking Larry is crazy. After talking
about the germs being microscopic Larry asks "Don't they teach you anything
in Mypos?" Balki says "Well, maybe if you'd describe these germs
to me I'd understand." This is where Larry says they're little tiny
things that travel through the air and get into your body and make you
sick. "Well, maybe we better make a run for it," Balki says
facetiously. Larry explains "You just don't understand. The
germs that are here now know us. They leave us alone. The real mean
ones are at the hospital and that's why I'm not going." "You
mean you're afraid of something you can't see?" Balki asks.
"Yes," Larry answers. Balki laughs and says "In Mypos we
have a saying. (MYPOSIAN) Need I say more?"
"Yes," Larry says again. "'If you can't see it, it's not
there,'" Balki interprets, "Are you afraid of the Booger Man,
too?" "Of course not," Larry says. "There's no
such thing. And it's the Boogie Man."
- At
the hospital there are a number of things which were eventually omitted from the
final episode. After Balki takes the bedpan off his head he picks up a
stethoscope. "What this?" "It's a stethoscope,"
Larry explains. "Doctors use that to listen to people's
hearts." Balki listens to Larry's heartbeat. "Ohh.
Nice beat, and you can dance to it. I give it a nine." At this
point Larry tells Balki to put the stethoscope down because he doesn't know
where it's been.
- The
traction device bit was actually quite a bit longer than what ended up in the
final show. First Balki asks what the device is holding up Twinkacetti's
leg. "This is traction," Twinkacetti answers. "It
helps the bone mend." Balki snickers, saying "Boy, the things
they tell you people." Twinkacetti asks, "You got a better
way?" Balki explains "In Mypos, when a person breaks his leg we
bury him in hot mud up to his neck. The whole village takes turns feeding
him. After three months, we dig him up and his leg is all well and he can
run like the wind. Which is good because he's also very dirty and stinky
and smelly and people say: 'Get out of here, you dirty, stinky, smelly
person.'"
- At
this point Twinkacetti asks them to lower his leg cast a little. Larry
tells Balki to hit the release, which terrifies Twinkacetti to yell
"No!" As Balki flips the brake that holds the traction cable it
releases the counter weights which fall on Larry's foot. Larry yells in
pain as Twinkacetti also yells in pain, his leg pointing up at the
ceiling. Balki runs to Larry, saying he's sorry. Twinkacetti yells
"The leg! The leg!" Balki doesn't know who to help
first. He lifts the counterweights which frees Larry's foot but causes
Twinkacetti's leg to crash down onto the bed. Twinkie screams again and
Balki, startled, drops the weights onto his own foot, Twinkie's leg once again
shooting up to point at the ceiling. This is when Larry lunges for the
cable and pulls down Twinkie's leg. If you watch the scene as it aired you
can see that this was the way the scene must have been originally filmed,
because when Larry tells Balki to hit the release he's standing at the end of
the bed with the toes of his right foot right beneath the counterweight. A
moment later when Larry pulls the cable down he and Balki have inexplicably
changed places and Balki's toe is now beneath the counterweight and Balki is
writhing in pain.
Interestingly enough when the Russian series counterpart filmed this episode
(titled The Respect of Babay) it did include the weights falling on
Andrey's foot.
- When
Donnie and Marie enter Marie starts to play with the counterweight lever.
Twinkacetti yells to stop her and Donnie pushes her, saying "Don't touch
that." Marie threatens, "You do that again, I'll break your
chubby little legs."
- After
Marie sneezes on Larry and he makes a break from the room Balki says to everyone
"Sometimes he gets so crazy. Donnie, Marie, whatever you do, don't
touch this." Balki releases the brake on the traction cable again and
Twinkacetti's leg goes up in the air as he yells. "I have to be going
now," Balki says.
- The
morning scene starts out with the description that Balki is having "another
try" at American breakfast making. What this could be in reference to
is unclear. As he sets out the cereal he is singing "Good
Morning" from Singing in the Rain.
- After
Larry says he knew he was doomed he adds "Those germs came out of those
little nostrils and said: 'Look, there's Appleton! We haven't seen him
in a long time!"
- After
insulting Mypos and saying he can't believe that the country has a cure for the
common cold, Larry says "Look, how can I say this without hurting your
feelings? Mypos medicine stinks. I don't want it. I'll stick
with modern medicine." This is when he pops the vitamins in his mouth
wit no water and starts to choke. Balki says, "Well, I'm no expert on
modern medicine but I think water would help." At this Larry pops
another vitamin in his mouth just to prove he can swallow it without water,
after which he says "Ha!"
- When
Balki says that Larry shouldn't just give up he adds "Learn from the great
men of history. If Ferdinand Mypos had given up we'd never know our island
was surrounded by water." After Larry takes the cure and is in a
stupor on the couch Balki says, "Ferdinand Mypos would be proud."
- In
this version Balki actually does dust Larry as he's lying on the couch before
Larry wakes up.
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