Nielsen Rating: 14.7 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 11 - Babes in Babylon
First Air Date:
October 29, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 14.7 HH
TV Guide Description: The guys win a trip to Las Vegas, but Larry won't let Balki near the casinos for fear he'll develop the family disease - compulsive gambling.
Co-Producer:
James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Bob Keyes
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Guest Cast:
Gary Pagett: Croupier (Jim)
Donna Denton: Windy
Dimitri
Appearances: Dimitri goes along with the boys to Vegas and Balki carries
him into the hotel room in a red shopping bag. Later Balki takes Dimitri
out and sets him on the bedside table where he remains throughout the episode
(except for one moment when Balki picks him up for comfort).
Don’t be ridiculous: Said once.
Other catchphrases
used in this episode:
"Yes! Yes!" (first time)
"Don’t you ever . . . EVER . . . do that again!"
"You tricked Balki!"
"Oy yi yi yi yooki biggi mooki, Cousin Larry!" (first time)
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Balki watches television and makes some comment about what’s
happening on screen
Balki reads something aloud very slowly and carefully and Larry grows
impatient and tries to hurry Balki through it more quickly
The Dance of Joy
Larry grabs Balki by the shirt when angry
References to Balki being a fan of Wayne Newton (first time)
Balki pouts until he gets something he wants
Larry replies to something Balki says facetiously just to move on
Larry and Balki share knowing glances and gestures (usually about something
sexual in nature), then Balki reveals he doesn't know what they're talking about
Larry goes off the deep end regarding money or becoming wealthy (first time)
Larry sniffs at the air
Balki angrily rants in Myposian
Songs: "Danke Schoen" - performed by Balki when explaining that Wayne Newton is the biggest recording star on Mypos. It’s performed again at the end by both Balki and Larry. Larry also sings a snippet of it at the roulette table.
Interesting facts:
- They win the trip to Vegas from the Shop ‘n Spend grocery store,
which if you’ll remember was the store who’s baseball team, the Shop ‘n
Spend Spartans, they beat in The Unnatural two episodes ago.
- There is a scene in the second season theme song
which shows Larry trying to throw his coat to hang it on the closet door and
missing. That scene was cut from this episode.
- Balki’s extended pronunciation of the name
"Vegaaaas" has since become a running staple amongst fans, many of
whom can’t say the name of the city without pronouncing it the same way.
- The establishing shots of Las Vegas include many
hotels and casinos, some of which no longer exist. The Flamingo Hilton is
still a popular destination spot and a notable part of Vegas history, having
been established by Bugsy Siegel as the first luxury hotel on the Strip.
Caesar's Palace also still remains on the Strip, but the Dunes was demolished in
the early 90's (the Bellagio now stands in its place) while the Frontier was
demolished in 2007. Downtown on Fremont Street, the Golden Goose sign
still exists although it seems the casino no longer does (it is now part of
Glitter Gulch, a topless club), while the Las Vegas Club, the Golden Gate and
the Fremont still remain. Del Webb's The Mint casino was absorbed by
Binion's Horseshoe in 1989. It would appear that the hotel where Balki and
Larry are staying is supposed to be in downtown Las Vegas as opposed to the
Strip.
- The establishing shot of the "casino"
where Balki and Larry stop is the Famous Pioneer Casino located on Fremont
Street downtown (you can see the sign for the neighboring Golden Nugget in the
upper left corner.) You can view an image of the casino as it was around
this time by clicking here.
- When Larry refers to seeing the film Ocean's
11 he is of course referring the original 1960 version starring the Rat Pack
(Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr. and Peter Lawford). A popular remake was made in 2001.
- Keeping in character, Larry brings his camera bag
to Vegas.
- Magic Fingers were a common staple in many hotels
for quite a few years. They’re still being made and sold to hotels and
for home use. For a quarter the bed would vibrate with a buzzing noise,
which was supposed to relax muscles and ease tension (or, more honestly, cause a
somewhat stimulating sensation, which is why they are often associated with
adult or seedy motels).
- This is the episode where we find out Balki (and
much of Mypos) is infatuated with Wayne Newton. This would become a
running 
joke in the series with Wayne referenced many times. The guys
would return to Vegas to meet the legend in person in the seventh season episode
Wayne Man.
-
The appearance of Donna Denton in this episode caused some water cooler
talk at the time. She had been appearing as the mysterious woman known
only as "The Face" on the Mike Hammer series where the identity
of the actress had been kept secret from the audience. But sharp-eyed
viewers who spotted her on this episode of Perfect Strangers were able to
put two and two together and Donna Denton was finally identified as "The
Face."
- A familar face shows up in the background of this episode that would become
very familiar over the years. First, after Windy 
learns
that Balki has no money, she walks off with another man, who happens to be a
regular background player in many future episodes, particularly in the fourth
season! It would appear this man didn't have any money, either, because he
turns up again moments later in the casino, first talking to some other people,
then with another woman!
- The style of slot machine Balki plays on would be
considered a real antique today . . . these days a majority of slot machines are
video machines which don’t usually pay out in coins unless you ask it to cash
out. Gone are the days of the actual spinning reels . . . in fact while
the levers remain on the sides of the machines for traditionalists most people
spin the video reels with a press of a button and casino player’s club cards
have replaced using actual coins (in fact most of the new machines only take
bills and not quarters). Interestingly enough, the 4 Reel Buckaroo machine
Balki uses specifically was a real name of a slot machine, made specifically for
the Nevada Club in Reno the 1950's.
- The dealer at the roulette table is wearing a uniform with the letters BH . .
. possible for Binion's Horseshoe? The colors match 
those used by the
hotel and casino, green and black.
- Two more familiar faces from other episodes appear as dealers at a table behind the roulette table
where Larry is playing; the man and woman who often appeared with the
aforementioned extra in many episodes!
- When Balki says "Papa don't preach"
he's quoting the title of a popular hit song by Madonna which had been released
in 1996.
- Larry's rendition of "Heeeere's Larry!"
is a reference to the 1980 film The Shining based on the novel by Stephen
King, in which Jack Nicholson's character, having gone off his rocker, is trying
to get at wife Shelly Duvall by chopping through the bathroom door with an axe
and intones the famous Ed McMahon introduction of Johnny Carson on The
Tonight Show by saying, "Heeeere's Johnny!"
Bloopers and
Inconsistencies:
- Larry bets on 36 red but after letting it ride
the marble clearly lands in a black space on the wheel, yet Larry wins (36 is
always red . . . it looks like the ball in fact lands on 31 black).
- In this episode Balki says that when he wanted to
buy a lottery ticket Larry told him not to waste his money. But in the
season four episode The Lottery Balki has never heard of the lottery
before.
- Balki claims he takes his first plane trip in the
fourth season episode Come Fly With Me, but Larry specifically says he sold
his plane ticket to get money to gamble with, so obviously the cousins flew to
Las Vegas and back!
Synopsis:
The episode begins with Balki sitting on the couch in the apartment watching
television. "Watch out, Gilligan!" Balki says to the screen,
"Skipper's got a frying pan." There is the sound of something
being comically hit on the TV and Balki looks pained. "Oh, Gilligan . . . you are one
dumb cookie," he sighs. Larry enters, carrying the mail and
looking excited. "Balki! You're not gonna believe
it!" Larry turns off the television and sits down on the couch to
show Balki a letter. "Here. Read this." Balki starts
to read the letter aloud, working laboriously through the words.
"Dear . . . sirs . . . the manage-a-ment . . . " "The
management of Shop 'n Spend grocery stores is happy to inform you . . . "
Larry hurries Balki along. "That . . . you . . . are . . .
" "That you are the winners of a state-of-the-art double door
refrigerator! Yes!" Larry bursts out happily, then gets up to hang up
his coat. Balki continues reading. " . . . refrigerator . . .
or . . . a free . . . trip . . . for two . . . to exciting . . . Las . . .
VEGAS?"
Balki jumps up from the couch.
"Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!" Larry and Balki
hop to meet in the open space of the living room and perform the Dance of
Joy. As Balki holds Larry in his arms, he exclaims, "I've always
dreamed of going to Vegaaas!" "Well, dream on because we're
taking the refrigerator," Larry informs him. Balki sets Larry down
and asks, "What's wrong with Vegaaas?" "Are you
kidding?" Larry asks, "Vegas is a moral wasteland. It goes
against everything I was ever told I believe in." "When were you
in Vegaaas?" Balki asks. "Well, I . . . uh . . . um . . .
never," Larry admits, "But I saw 'Ocean's 11.' All Vegas is is
gambling, flashing lights, big name entertainers and showgirls in skimpy
costumes." "You're right! Let's pack!" Balki says
happily, and starts to try to do the Dance of Joy again but Larry doesn't budge.
"Balki, we have the opportunity to
own the world's greatest refrigerator!" Larry points out, showing Balki the
information, "It even talks to you. It tells you when you leave the
door open. It tells you when you're low on eggs. When you eat too
much it talks down to you." "I want to go to Vegaaas,"
Balki whines. "Well, my name was on the entry, too, and I want the
refrigerator," Larry whines. "But Cousin, I never thought I'd
come to America and here I am," Balki points out, "And now I have a
chance to have an adventure. To go one the most famous place in the
world. And . . . and . . . you want a refrigerator?" "It
has a lettuce crisper," Larry points out. Balki takes the information
page from Larry and sets it down. "Cousin . . . I know a way to
decide. Put your hands out like this." Balki holds his hands
held as fists out in front of him and Larry does the same. "In Mypos,
this how the parents choose a bride for their son," Balki explains.
Balki begins a ritual in which he uses his
fists to gently hit Larry's and his own fists in turn, chanting, "Dimbodega,
dimbodega, 
dabodega smack." On the smack, Balki slaps both of Larry's
cheeks lightly. He then does the fist thing again. "Bobedega,
dimbodega, bimbodega, hack." This time Larry holds up his arms to
stop Balki from slapping his face. Balki waits until Larry has lowered his
arms and slaps him anyway. Larry grabs Balki by the shirt front and
states, "That's a ridiculous way to decide anything."
"That's what the groom usually says," Balki admits. "This
is America," Larry says, fishing into his pants pocket to find a quarter,
"In America we decide these things by the flip of a coin. Now you
call it." Larry flips the coin and before Balki can say anything,
Larry yells, "Heads!" He catches the coin and slaps it onto the
back of his hand, then looks at it. He quickly covers it again, sighing,
"Drat! I lose. I always lose." "Vegaaas!"
Balki says happily, "Here we come!" He notes the disappointed
look on Larry's face and offers, "Oh, Cousin, we're going to have an
adventure." "Well, I'll go," Larry sighs, "But I won't
have any fun." "Well, of course not, I wouldn't expect you
to," Balki says. Larry eyes him incredulously.
We see a montage of famous Las Vegas
hotels. Inside an unnamed hotel, Larry and Balki enter a lavish, albeit
gaudy, 
two-bedroom suite. "It's everything I dreamed Vegas would
be," Balki smiles. "Me, too," Larry says
sarcastically. Balki sets his things down next to the bedside stand, then
picks up something. "Oh, look! Somebody left a beautiful
pen!" Balki gasps, gazing at the pen with the hotel's name on it.
"It's from the hotel," Larry explains, "You can keep
it." Balki gasps happily and clutches the pen to his breast. He
then spots an ice bucket with a bottle in it sitting on the living room
table. "Look!" Balki says, going over to pull out the bottle,
"Free champagne!" "Sure," Larry says, "They want
you to get drunk so you'll gamble more. Don't touch this until we get back
to Chicago." Larry puts the bottle back into the ice bucket.
"Now, I'm going to put my luggage in my room and get a good night's sleep
because tomorrow is a big day."
Larry walks into his adjoining bedroom as
Balki walks to the bed and stares at the tacky nude-on-velvet painting on the
wall above the bed. "Now that's great art," Balki sighs.
He then climbs onto the king-sized bed, noting, "The whole village could
sleep on this!" He starts bouncing playfully then spots a box with a
coin slot on the wall. "Magic fingers, twenty-five cents," he
reads. Fishing into his pocket for a quarter, Balki places it into the
slot and turns the handle. He immediately jumps off the bed and stares at
it with surprise, not having expected the vibration of the Magic Fingers.
He reaches down and touches the mattress tentatively, then sits down on
it. His eyes widen at the sensation. Slowly he leans back across the
bed, looking quite satisfied. "Vegaaas," he moans with pleasure,
then lays down, taking up a brochure to read.
A moment later Balki jumps up from the
bed, eyeing the back of the brochure excitedly. "Cousin Larry!
Come here!" he cries. 
Larry walks in, saying, "Don't tell
me. You found the stationery?" "Wayne Newton is
here!" Balki announces. "So?" Larry asks. "He is
the biggest selling record artist on Mypos!" Balki explains, "The man
is a legend! We must go see him!" Balki starts to sing 'Dankeschoen,'
snapping his fingers to the tune. Larry is unmoved.
"Okay. If it means that much to you we'll try to get
tickets." "Thank you!" Balki says, giving Larry a hug,
"Is there anything you would like to do while we're here in Vegaaas?"
Balki takes Dimitri out of a bag and sets him on the bedside stand.
"Well, I did make a list of some fun things to do," Larry says,
looking at a notepad, "I thought at eleven we could take the bus tour out
to Hoover Dam. That'll get us back here by four-thirty, then it's a
fifteen minute walk to the Liberace Museum. An hour for the tour if we
skip the shoe collection. And then we can end the day with a nice desert
walk."
"Cousin Larry, you're leaving out the
most fun thing of all," Balki says, "The casino!" "No,
no . . . absolutely no casinos!" Larry 
insists. "Why not?"
Balki asks. "Balki, why do you think I came along?" Larry
asks. "To take all the fun out of the trip?" Balki
guesses. "To protect you," Larry answers, "I just don't
want you to end up like our Uncle Pete." "Who Uncle
Pete?" "Uncle Pete was a gambler," Larry explains, "He
gambled away everything he owned: his car, his house . . . we never did find
Aunt Susan. The point is, it's in the family blood. And that's why
you can't go into a casino." Balki pouts. "I want to go to
casino," he cries. "All right," Larry sighs, consulting his
notepad, "Maybe . . . after the desert walk and before Wayne Newton we can
walk through the casino." "Oh boy!" Balki exclaims
happily. "But no stopping!" Larry adds. "Oh,
boy," Balki says with disappointment. Larry starts to walk into his
room when Balki sighs, "We should have taken the refrigerator."
Larry doubles back and says in an "I told you so" voice, "Well,
it's a little late for that now!" Larry leaves and Balki picks up
Dimitri for comfort.
The next evening, Larry and Balki run
quickly into a casino bar. "Wh . . . what is this?" Balki
asks. "This is the bar," Larry 
answers, still trying to catch
his breath. "Wh . . . what was that we just run through?" Balki
asks. "That was the casino," Larry replies. "Cousin,
why you didn't tell me? I want to see the casino!" Balki complains,
walking back toward it. Larry grabs hold of Balki's suspenders to keep him
from leaving. "You got a great view from right here," Larry
says, "Look at them. You want to become one of those miserable souls
out there?" There is the sound of a bell and a crowd of people
cheering someone's slot machine win. "Yes," Balki smiles.
"No, you don't," Larry insists, leading Balki to the bar,
"They're really crying on the inside." There is the sound of
another bell and more cheering. "Boy, they're hiding it well!"
Balki notes. "Balki, you just sit down and order a drink and I'll go
get our tickets," Larry says. "But I want to . . . " Balki
begins, starting to move around Larry. "Balki!" Larry orders as
if talking to a dog, "Sit. Stay." Balki sits on a
barstool, but keeps looking around Larry toward the casino.
"Stay. Ah!" Larry commands, "Remember Uncle
Pete!" Larry leaves the bar.
A well-dressed woman approaches the bar
and spots Balki. She sits next to him and smiles, saying, "Hi
there. Wanna have a 
good time?" "Well, I've already been
to the Liberace Museum," Balki says. "Let's start again,"
the woman sighs, "Hi. My name's Windy." "Hello,
Windy," Balki smiles, "Are you a showgirl?" "I can do
Hamlet in a rubber suit if the price is right," Windy says. "I
love the theater," Balki says. Windy looks at her watch impatiently
and asks, "Look, did you want to party or what?" "I would
love to go to a party!" Balki replies, "Can I bring Cousin
Larry?" At this moment Larry returns and walks behind Balki,
announcing, "I got the tickets." "Cousin Larry, this is
Windy," Balki introduces. "Hello, Cousin Larry," Windy
smiles seductively. "Hello, Windy," Larry replies, then asks,
"Balki, what are you doing with this woman?" "Shooting the
breeze," Balki answers, "She wants to go to a party."
"I bet she does," Larry sighs. He leans over to address Windy,
referring to Balki. "Uh . . . this man has no money."
Windy turns to the man sitting next to her on the other side and says, "Hi
there. Wanna have a good time?" She leaves with the man.
"Balki, what were you doing with
her?" Larry asks, "Don't you know what that woman does for a
living?" "Well, of course I do! Don't be ridiculous!"
Balki scoffs, "She does Hamlet in a rubber suit." Off of Larry's
astounded look, Balki asks, "No?" "Let's just 
say that, uh
. . . she's in the world's oldest profession. Hmm?" Larry says, then
makes knowing gestures and nods to Balki, who mimics Larry as if he knows what
he means. "Oh!" Balki says, "She's a
sheepherder." Giving up, Larry says, "That's right. Why
don't you and I go get ready for the show?" "Oh, we have plenty
of time," Balki says, digging into his pocket, "I have . . . a
quarter. I want to hit the slots." "All right," Larry
concedes, walking to a nearby slot machine with Balki, "This'll be a good
lesson for you. Obviously you won't be happy until you throw your money
away. Go ahead, put your money in the machine . . . " Balki
drops his quarter into the slot machine. " . . . pull the handle . .
. watch your money disappear into the pockets of some man named Guido,"
Larry finishes. Balki pulls the handle and the reels start spinning.
"There . . . I hope your happy!" Larry scolds. The machine
starts ringing and a bunch of quarters fall out of the tray and onto the floor
at their feet. "I love Vegaaas!" Balki exclaims and Larry looks
frustrated as the scene fades to black.
As act two begins, Balki and Larry and
walking into the casino at last. Numerous people are playing the various
games. "So, this 
is what a casino looks like," Balki says,
"Different when you're not running." "Okay . . . you've
seen it, now let's get out of here," Larry urges, "This place is
dangerous. If you stay here you'll catch the fever." "What
fever?" Balki asks, "I hit one fifty dollar jackpot."
"Balki, I forbid you to stay here!" Larry orders. "Well,
papa don't preach!" Balki scoffs, "I'm a big boy now. I can look
after myself." "That's just what Uncle Pete said, just before he
gambled away his pacemaker," Larry says. "Cousin, I am going to
go gambling," Balki states, moving toward the roulette table.
"All right, all right, fine!" Larry sighs, as Balki gets a stack of
chips for his money, "This should be a good lesson. You've had the
thrill of victory, you should taste the agony of defeat." Balki
watches the marble spinning around on the roulette wheel until he gets
dizzy. "What is this game?" "It's called
roulette," Larry explains, "The odds are really against you. Why
don't you try it?" "All right," Balki smiles, "If you
think I should."
Balki picks up his stack of chips and
starts holding them over the different numbers, reciting "Dimbodega,
dimbodega, dabodega 
. . . " Larry stops him. "Just put
them down." "Okay," Balki agrees, and sets his chips down
on a number. "Good. Thirty-two," Larry notes, "Now
watch your money disappear." The marble lands in a slot.
"Number thirty-two!" the croupier announces. "This is
fun!" Balki smiles. He then leans to the croupier and asks, "Can
you teach me how to spin the marble?" "No," the croupier
says seriously, then spins the wheel again, calling, "Bets!"
Larry takes the two stacks of chips and gives one to Balki. "All
right, we don't have a much time if we want to see Wayne Newton," Larry
explains, "I'm gonna have to help you lose your money."
"How much should we bet?" Balki asks. "You bet half and
I'll bet half," Larry says, "That way one bad spin and you'll be broke
and miserable." Larry places his chips on thirty-six red.
"Good strategy," Balki says, placing down his chips as well.
"Number thirty-six!" the croupier announces.
"Cousin, you won!" Balki says
happily. "I can't get a break," Larry sighs with
frustration. The croupier removes all the losing chips from the
table. "Oh . . . I lose," Balki realizes. "Now how do
you feel?" Larry asks. "Broke and miserable," Balki
admits. "Good," Larry says, "Believe me, you're a better
person for it. And as soon as I lose the rest of your money we can go to
the show." He tells the croupier, "Let it ride." The
marble settles into a slot. "Number thirty-six!" the croupier
announces. "Cousin, you did pretty good," Balki says.
"Yeah, guess I would be if I was trying to win," Larry says, starting
to feel excited. He thinks a moment then says, "Let's try my
birthday." He moves his chips to another number. Balki leans
down to look at Larry's watch. "Cousin, almost time for Wayne'
show." "Well, Balki, I can't leave. I still have all this
money to lose for you," Larry says. "But Wayne is waiting."
"All right, I tell you what,"
Larry says, reaching into his pocket for one of the tickets, "Here's your
ticket to the show. I'll catch up with you as soon as I lose
this." "Number twenty-four," the croupier announces.
"I win! I win!" Larry says excitedly. "Are you sure
you don't mind?" Balki asks. "Hmmm?" Larry asks, a little
too animatedly. "Cousin, are you all right?" Balki asks with
concern. "I'm fine," Larry assures him, "I'll see you at
the show." "Why don't you come now?" Balki asks.
"No, you go ahead," Larry urges, "Save my seat. I'm just as
excited about seeing Wayne as you are." Larry keeps nodding but Balki
doesn't look convinced. Larry starts singing "Dankeschoen" and
Balki finally smiles and says, "Okay," before walking away.
"Okay, baby needs a new pair of shoes," Larry says in an intense
voice, "Double down! Boxcars! Let it ride!"
"Number twenty-four again!" the croupier announces.
"Yes! Yes!" Larry cheers, completely caught up in the
excitement.
Later in the evening, Larry is still at
the roulette table. "Twelve, twelve," he chants, "Lucky
number twelve." The marble settles 
into a slot and the croupier says,
particularly to Larry, "Number twenty-two." "I was gonna
bet twenty-two," Larry says. The croupier gives him a demeaning
look. "Okay, give me twenty-two," Larry says, placing his chips
on the number. Balki enters and hurries to Larry's side.
"Cousin." "What? What?" Larry asks with
aggravation. "I waited and waited for you . . . and . . . and . . .
and . . . and I worried for you," Balki says, "Why you didn't come to
see Wayne?" "Well, I would have but I, uh . . . I uh . . . I
sold my ticket," Larry explains. "Number twelve!" the
croupier announces. Larry looks at the man in disbelief. "Okay,
come on," Larry says, placing chips from a stack in various places,
"Give me, uh . . . six, twelve, twenty-two and all the blacks."
"Why you sold your ticket?" Balki asks. "Gambling takes
money," Larry answers. "Well, you have plenty of money,"
Balki points out. "You can never have enough money," Larry
grunts. "Cousin, I'm confused. I thought you stayed here to
lose my money to teach me a lesson." "Well, school's out!"
Larry states, "Come on . . . six, twelve, twenty-two and all the
blacks!"
The marble settles and the croupier
announces, "Number seven . . . " He looks at Larry and
emphasizes, " . . . red!" The croupier clears the chips from the
table. Larry fingers the last little stack he has left.
"Cousin, where you got those chips?" Balki asks. "I 
sold my
plane ticket," Larry answers. "You sold your plane ticket?"
Balki asks, "How are you going to get home?" "Don't
worry," Larry says, "When I win enough I can buy it back."
"I think you take after Uncle Pete's side of the family," Balki
observes. "Okay, one more time for number twelve," Larry says,
reaching over to place his chips on the number. "No, no, I don't let
you do that!" Balki cries, pulling Larry's hand away and then trying to
pull him from the table. "No, Balki!" Larry cries, trying to
push the chips onto the number with his foot, "Just put those on the
twelve." "No!" Balki cries, also putting his foot up on the
table to try to pull the chips back. "Balki, wait!" Larry cries,
then he points away and says, "Oh look! There's Wayne
Newton!" Balki turns, removing his foot from the table as he calls,
"Wayne!" "Everything on the twelve!" Larry cries,
placing his chips on the number, "Spin it! Spin it!"
Balki turns back to Larry and cries,
"You tricked Balki! You used Wayne's name in vain! I can't let
you gamble away everything 
like your Uncle Pete!" Balki reaches over
and snatches the marble from the roulette wheel. He clutches it in his
hands as he's immediately surrounded by some very burly looking men and the
casino is suddenly silent. "Balki . . . why don't you give the nice
men back their marble?" Larry suggests. "Not until you promise
to stop gambling!" Balki insists. "He just doesn't understand
good, clean fun," Larry laughs to the men. "Promise!" Balki
insists. "I promise," Larry agrees. "All right,
good!" Balki says, handing the croupier back the marble. The men walk
away and the casino comes back to life. "Don't you ever . . . EVER .
. . do that again!" Larry warns. "I won't," Balki assures
him, "Now go to your room!" "I'm not going anywhere!
I lied!" Larry says. "Well, then I lied, too!" Balki says,
and he reaches over and grabs Larry's chips off the table and runs from the
casino. "Balki, give me back those chips!" Larry yells, stopping
in his pursuit of Balki to hear the croupier call, "Number
twelve!" "No! No!" Larry cries, then he runs from the
casino yelling, "Balki! Balki!"
Back at the hotel suite, Larry opens the
front door and peers in maniacally, calling out "Heeeere's
Larry!" He turns the lights on 
and enters the room, looking around
for Balki. "I want my money!" Larry barks. He turns to the
closed closet doors and flings them open, screaming in a guttural voice, but the
closet is empty so he turns back. He then eyes the closed door to his room
and begins to approach it, saying in a fake comforting voice, "It's all
right . . . everything's all right . . . " Slowly he opens the door
to the room. " . . . I forgive you!" He screams and rushes
through the door, returning a moment later. "I know you're
here!" Larry says, sniffing at the air, "I can smell my
chips!" He stalks across the room until he reaches the window, where
the curtains are hanging down to the floor on opposites sides. Beneath the
set of drapes closest to him a pair of shoes are just barely visible, poking out
from behind them. "Oh well . . . " Larry says, " . . .
maybe . . . he's not here . . . after all!" Larry lunges at the
curtains, attacking them viciously. There is nothing behind them, but
Balki has poked his head out from behind the other side of the curtains,
watching Larry pulling at the curtains in his fury.
Instinctively, Larry turns and spies Balki
behind the other curtains. Balki runs to the door but Larry pushes it shut
before Balki 
can get it completely open. Balki then turns and runs to the
bed with Larry close behind. They both leap and land across the bed,
reacting with an "Ooh!" when the Magic Fingers start vibrating.
They tumble over one another and land on the floor. Both get up and face
each other. "Give me my chips!" Larry shouts. Balki holds
up one chip and throws it aside as a distraction. Larry lunges for it and
Balki runs past him. They chase each other in a figure eight pattern
around the two chairs in the living room and then Larry finally chases and
corners Balki against the far wall, grabbing him by the shirt.
"Cousin Larry? Cousin Larry?" Balki cries. "There is
no Cousin Larry!" Larry snarls, "There's only Lucky
Larry! And I'm going for the big jackpot! I'm gonna blow this town
wide open! Now give me my chips!" Larry pries his chips loose
from Balki's hands. "You don't know what you're doing!" Balki
cries. "I know exactly what I'm doing!" Larry insists, counting
his chips.
Balki reaches behind and pulls out a hand
mirror, shoving into Cousin Larry's face. Larry stares at his own
reflection in horror and cries, "Uncle Pete!" Balki uses the
mirror to push Larry back until he has fallen across one of the chairs.
"Oh my God!" Larry says. Balki pulls the mirror away and Larry
looks up in confusion, asking, "What's happening?" "Well,
I'm no expert," Balki says, "but as far as I can tell . . . you just
went off the deep end." "I don't know what's happening to
me," Larry whines, "I . . . I thought I came along to protect you and
now . . . look at me! I sold my Wayne Newton ticket. I sold my plane
ticket. I sold the free champagne." Balki eyes the empty table
with disappoinment. "I . . . I am a compulsive gambler," Larry
sighs. Balki squats down next to the chair and assures Larry, "No you
are not. You're just a regular person who got caught up in the excitement
of Vegaaas." "Am I?" Larry asks.
"Well, of course you are," Balki
insists, "You don't bet on the football pools or the horses at home, do
you?" "That's true," Larry nods. "And when I
tried to buy a lottery ticket, you told me not to waste my money," Balki
points out. "I did! I did!" Larry nods. "Do you
feel like gambling now?" Balki asks. Larry shoves the chips into
Balki's hands and says, "I don't ever want to see the inside of another
casino for as long as I live!" "Oh, you're doing it again,"
Balki sighs, "Oh yi yi yi yooki biggi mooki, Cousin Larry!"
Balki begins to rant in Myposian, the only recognizable words being
"casino" and "Lucky Larry." He finishes by saying
"Baba! Baba!" while pointing at Larry, as if he is scolding a
misbehaving sheep. Balki sits down in the other chair. "Come
again?" Larry asks. "You're problem is you either go too far or
you don't go at all," Balki notes, "If you want to have any fun you've
got to find somewhere in the middle." "I've always had trouble
with the middle," Larry admits.
"Cousin, you just need some practice
having fun," Balki says, "I could help you. For instance, this
weekend we could have a little 
fun. Then, next weekend we could have a
little more fun. And then in a couple of years you could be a real party
animal . . . like me." "Do
you think so?" Larry asks. "Well, of course I do," Balki
assures him, "And don't worry about your plane ticket. I'll loan you
the money." "Oh, Balki, thank you," Larry says sincerely,
"I owe you a lot." "I know," Balki smiles, "But
you would do the same for me." "I would?" Larry asks, then
adds, "I would." And then more sincerely, "I
would!" "That's nice," Balki says, "Now, let's go do
something fun." "Can we catch Wayne Newton's second show?"
Larry asks. "Now you're talking!" Balki smiles, "Larry
Appleton, you're going to be one fun guy!" Balki starts singing
"Dankeschoen" and Larry joins in, both snapping their fingers and
moving with the rhythm. On the line "When you tore your dress, what a
mess . . . " they both hide their faces in embarrassment, then continue
singing.
Script Variations:
There are some notable differences between the final episode and the first draft
dated August 12, 1986:
- The opening scene in the first draft is
completely different. When Larry enters the apartment it is empty except
for the sound of an electric hair dryer from the bathroom. Larry calls for
Balki, who comes out of the bathroom with his hair sticking straight back
"like someone who has just hit mach ten in a convertible." Larry
asks what happened to Balki’s head and Balki says "You said I could
borrow your hair dryer. I used mouse." "Mousse,"
corrects Larry. "It’s a look. A terrible look."
Balki says he will change it. This bit was never used in any episode.
- The winning contest entry in the first draft was
Balki’s . . . Larry filled out 100 entries and Balki filled out only one but
Balki won. The contest is specifically called the "Tommy the Tuna
Sweepstakes" in this draft. Larry tries to convince Balki to take the
refrigerator, even though Balki has the right to choose the prize he
wants. "Look, I’m the one who wanted to enter this contest in the
first place," Larry says. "I wanted that refrigerator.
That’s why I filled out a hundred entries. I was in that grocery store
for over an hour. And where were you?" "Playing with the
electric door," Balki admits sheepishly.
- One of Larry’s arguments for not going to Vegas
goes like this: "Balki, Las Vegas changes people. You don’t want to
end up like Twinkacetti, do you?" "Short, fat and nasty?"
Balki asks. "That and addicted to gambling," Larry
continues. "It’s a disease. That man would bet his soul . . .
of course he’d have to steal one first."
- There is a very short scene outside the hotel
when the boys arrive in a taxi cab. Balki says, "What a town.
They even have slot machines in taxi cabs." Larry says, "Balki,
put that quarter away. That’s the meter."
- When they reach the hotel room (only one in this
draft, which Balki and Larry share) a bellboy wheels their luggage in on a
cart. The bellboy then waits for a tip. "Oh, you must want a
tip," Larry says. "Well . . . I . . . uh . . . " the
bellboy begins. Larry, sarcastically, says "No, no, no. You
deserve one. I mean you had to take that long elevator ride up
here. Not to mention wheeling those heavy bags the twenty feet to
our room. Here you go." The bellboy reacts off the tip:
"Oh, fifty cents, wait until I tell the guys." Balki comments
that the bellboy was nice and Larry reacts by saying "Of course he’s
nice. He’s paid to be nice. When you’re nice to people they
spend more money. So far this "free" trip has cost us cab fare
and now fifty cents for him. Boy, they get you coming and going."
- There was a small joke about the Magic Fingers
bed that didn’t make the final show. When Balki is laying on the bed
reading the brochure he calls for Cousin Larry to come in. Larry comes out
of the bathroom and sees Balki on the bed shaking and yells out "Earthquake!"
and drops to floor. After realizing his mistake, Larry mumbles "I hate
this town."
- When Balki wants to see Wayne Newton Larry
protests at first, saying "Oh, sure. Come to Vegas and go to a
show. Fall right into their trap." "Wayne Newton has a
trap?" Balki asks. "They’re not giving tickets away,"
Larry points out. "Please, Cousin. It’s Wayne
Newton." Larry finally gives in. "Okay, if it means that
much to you we’ll try to get some tickets. But don’t expect to sit up
close."
- When Balki asks Larry if there’s anything he
would like to do, Larry replies "Yes. I’d like to go to the airport and
leave."
- In the first draft Balki makes it clear he isn’t
thrilled about the desert walk idea. "A desert walk? It’s
sand." "It’s not just sand. It’s a very special and
delicate ecology," Larry counters. "It’s sand!"
Balki insists.
- After Larry explains about Uncle Pete Balki says
"Don’t be ridiculous, Cousin. Just because we had a crazy uncle who
. . . " "He was not crazy. He was compulsive!" Larry
says defensively.
- When Balki and Larry run through the casino and
into the lounge Larry is holding Balki’s hand. "Could you let go of
my hand now?" Balki asks. "People are looking." A
moment later Larry says "Boy, the desert at sunset, pretty spectacular,
huh?" to which Balki answers "I got sand in my shoe. Can we go
back to the casino?" When told they just went through the casino,
Balki comments "We spent more time in the revolting doors."
"That’s revolving," Larry corrects.
- When Larry leaves Balki at the bar Balki has a
ticket for a complimentary drink and orders a Bloody Screwdriver, which the
bartender somehow mixes up for him. After Balki gets the drink he says
"Well?" "Well, what?" the bartender asks.
"It’s a complimentary drink. Where’s my compliment?" Balki
asks. "You should live so long," the bartender snaps.
"Thank you. I hope you live long, too," Balki answers.
- After hitting the $50 jackpot Balki wants to go
to the casino but Larry holds him back. "You’re in no condition to
go back there," Larry warns. "Look at you. You’re drunk
with greed." Balki looks at himself then says "I’m not drunk
with anything. I didn’t even finish my complimentary cocktail."
- Instead of saying that Uncle Pete gambled away
his pacemaker Larry says he gambled away his walker.
- Balki goes back to play the slot machine again
and Larry says "Now that you’ve had the thrill of victory you should
experience the agony of defeat." Balki wins the slot machine again
and says "I win again. And my feet don’t feel any agony at
all."
- Balki wins on the slot machine several more times
before they move on to the table games. They only play roulette for one
spin, then Balki says he doesn’t like the game because it makes him
dizzy. They move on to blackjack. At one point the dealer asks Balki
"Are you staying, sir?" Balki answers, "Yes, we have a
beautiful room." The dealer than says "Would you like a
hit?" and Balki says, "I’m sorry." Then to Larry,
"What did I do?" Balki keeps hitting until he reaches 28.
- Larry catches the fever and the rest of the first
casino scene plays out at the blackjack table. At the end of the scene
when Balki wants to know why Larry isn’t going to see Wayne right then Larry
screams "Don’t you understand? I’m on a streak!"
- After Balki comes back from Wayne Newton Larry is
back at the roulette table. After Balki takes the marble Larry says "Balki,
give the nice men their marble." Then quietly, "Before they
break every bone in our bodies."
- The bit where Larry grabs the curtains only to
find Balki’s shoes, which had been sticking out from underneath, then turning
to see Balki was not worked out in this script.
- The final lines of the show are different, with
Balki suggesting they go out for ice cream. Larry says "Good
idea. Just one thing. Would you mind carrying my chips?"
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