Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 11 - Babes in Babylon

First Air Date: October 29, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 14.7 HH

TV Guide Description: The guys win a trip to Las Vegas, but Larry won't let Balki near the casinos for fear he'll develop the family disease - compulsive gambling.

Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Bob Keyes
Directed by: Joel Zwick

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton

Guest Cast:
Gary Pagett: Croupier (Jim)
Donna Denton: Windy

Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri goes along with the boys to Vegas and Balki carries him into the hotel room in a red shopping bag.  Later Balki takes Dimitri out and sets him on the bedside table where he remains throughout the episode (except for one moment when Balki picks him up for comfort).

Don’t be ridiculous: Said once.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Yes!  Yes!" (first time)
"Don’t you ever . . . EVER . . . do that again!"
"You tricked Balki!"
"Oy yi yi yi yooki biggi mooki, Cousin Larry!" (first time)

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki watches television and makes some comment about what’s happening on screen
Balki reads something aloud very slowly and carefully and Larry grows impatient and tries to hurry Balki through it more quickly
The Dance of Joy
Larry grabs Balki by the shirt when angry
References to Balki being a fan of Wayne Newton (first time)
Balki pouts until he gets something he wants
Larry replies to something Balki says facetiously just to move on
Larry and Balki share knowing glances and gestures (usually about something sexual in nature), then Balki reveals he doesn't know what they're talking about
Larry goes off the deep end regarding money or becoming wealthy (first time)
Larry sniffs at the air
Balki angrily rants in Myposian

Songs: "Danke Schoen" - performed by Balki when explaining that Wayne Newton is the biggest recording star on Mypos.  It’s performed again at the end by both Balki and Larry.  Larry also sings a snippet of it at the roulette table.

Interesting facts:
- They win the trip to Vegas from the Shop ‘n Spend grocery store, which if you’ll remember was the store who’s baseball team, the Shop ‘n Spend Spartans, they beat in The Unnatural two episodes ago.
- There is a scene in the second season theme song which shows Larry trying to throw his coat to hang it on the closet door and missing.  That scene was cut from this episode.
- Balki’s extended pronunciation of the name "Vegaaaas" has since become a running staple amongst fans, many of whom can’t say the name of the city without pronouncing it the same way.
- The establishing shots of Las Vegas include many hotels and casinos, some of which no longer exist.  The Flamingo Hilton is still a popular destination spot and a notable part of Vegas history, having been established by Bugsy Siegel as the first luxury hotel on the Strip.  Caesar's Palace also still remains on the Strip, but the Dunes was demolished in the early 90's (the Bellagio now stands in its place) while the Frontier was demolished in 2007.  Downtown on Fremont Street, the Golden Goose sign still exists although it seems the casino no longer does (it is now part of Glitter Gulch, a topless club), while the Las Vegas Club, the Golden Gate and the Fremont still remain.  Del Webb's The Mint casino was absorbed by Binion's Horseshoe in 1989.  It would appear that the hotel where Balki and Larry are staying is supposed to be in downtown Las Vegas as opposed to the Strip.
- The establishing shot of the "casino" where Balki and Larry stop is the Famous Pioneer Casino located on Fremont Street downtown (you can see the sign for the neighboring Golden Nugget in the upper left corner.)  You can view an image of the casino as it was around this time by clicking here.
- When Larry refers to seeing the film Ocean's 11 he is of course referring the original 1960 version starring the Rat Pack (Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr. and Peter Lawford).  A popular remake was made in 2001.
- Keeping in character, Larry brings his camera bag to Vegas.
- Magic Fingers were a common staple in many hotels for quite a few years.  They’re still being made and sold to hotels and for home use.  For a quarter the bed would vibrate with a buzzing noise, which was supposed to relax muscles and ease tension (or, more honestly, cause a somewhat stimulating sensation, which is why they are often associated with adult or seedy motels).
- This is the episode where we find out Balki (and much of Mypos) is infatuated with Wayne Newton.  This would become a running joke in the series with Wayne referenced many times.  The guys would return to Vegas to meet the legend in person in the seventh season episode Wayne Man.
- The appearance of Donna Denton in this episode caused some water cooler talk at the time.  She had been appearing as the mysterious woman known only as "The Face" on the Mike Hammer series where the identity of the actress had been kept secret from the audience.  But sharp-eyed viewers who spotted her on this episode of Perfect Strangers were able to put two and two together and Donna Denton was finally identified as "The Face."
- A familar face shows up in the background of this episode that would become very familiar over the years.  First, after Windy learns that Balki has no money, she walks off with another man, who happens to be a regular background player in many future episodes, particularly in the fourth season!  It would appear this man didn't have any money, either, because he turns up again moments later in the casino, first talking to some other people, then with another woman!
- The style of slot machine Balki plays on would be considered a real antique today . . . these days a majority of slot machines are video machines which don’t usually pay out in coins unless you ask it to cash out.  Gone are the days of the actual spinning reels . . . in fact while the levers remain on the sides of some machines for traditionalists most people spin the video reels with a press of a button and casino player’s club cards have replaced using actual coins (in fact most of the new machines only take bills and not quarters, or these days it's more likely they only take player's card and credit cards).  Interestingly enough, the 4 Reel Buckaroo machine Balki uses specifically was a real name of a slot machine, made specifically for the Nevada Club in Reno the 1950's.
- The dealer at the roulette table is wearing a uniform with the letters BH . . . possible for Binion's Horseshoe?  The colors match those used by the hotel and casino, green and black.
- Two more familiar faces from other episodes appear as dealers at a table behind the roulette table where Larry is playing; the man and woman who often appeared with the aforementioned extra in many episodes!
- When Balki says "Papa don't preach" he's quoting the title of a popular hit song by Madonna which had been released in 1996.
- Larry's rendition of "Heeeere's Larry!" is a reference to the 1980 film The Shining based on the novel by Stephen King, in which Jack Nicholson's character, having gone off his rocker, is trying to get at wife Shelly Duvall by chopping through the bathroom door with an axe and intones the famous Ed McMahon introduction of Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show by saying, "Heeeere's Johnny!"

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- Larry bets on 36 red but after letting it ride the marble clearly lands in a black space on the wheel, yet Larry wins (36 is always red . . . it looks like the ball in fact lands on 31 black).
- In this episode Balki says that when he wanted to buy a lottery ticket Larry told him not to waste his money.  But in the season four episode The Lottery Balki has never heard of the lottery before.
- Balki claims he takes his first plane trip in the fourth season episode Come Fly With Me, but Larry specifically says he sold his plane ticket to get money to gamble with, so obviously the cousins flew to Las Vegas and back!

Synopsis:
The episode begins with Balki sitting on the couch in the apartment watching television.  "Watch out, Gilligan!" Balki says to the screen, "Skipper's got a frying pan."  There is the sound of something being comically hit on the TV and Balki looks pained.  "Oh, Gilligan . . . you are one dumb cookie," he sighs.  Larry enters,  carrying the mail and looking excited.  "Balki!  You're not gonna believe it!"  Larry turns off the television and sits down on the couch to show Balki a letter.  "Here.  Read this."  Balki starts to read the letter aloud, working laboriously through the words.  "Dear . . . sirs . . . the manage-a-ment . . . "  "The management of Shop 'n Spend grocery stores is happy to inform you . . . " Larry hurries Balki along.  "That . . . you . . . are . . . "  "That you are the winners of a state-of-the-art double door refrigerator!  Yes!" Larry bursts out happily, then gets up to hang up his coat.  Balki continues reading.  " . . . refrigerator . . . or . . . a free . . . trip . . . for two . . . to exciting . . . Las . . . VEGAS?"

Balki jumps up from the couch.  "Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!"  Larry and Balki hop to meet in the open space of the living room and perform the Dance of Joy.  As Balki holds Larry in his arms, he exclaims, "I've always dreamed of going to Vegaaas!"  "Well, dream on because we're taking the refrigerator," Larry informs him.  Balki sets Larry down and asks, "What's wrong with Vegaaas?"  "Are you kidding?" Larry asks, "Vegas is a moral wasteland.  It goes against everything I was ever told I believe in."  "When were you in Vegaaas?" Balki asks.  "Well, I . . . uh . . . um . . . never," Larry admits, "But I saw 'Ocean's 11.'  All Vegas is is gambling, flashing lights, big name entertainers and showgirls in skimpy costumes."  "You're right!  Let's pack!" Balki says happily, and starts to try to do the Dance of Joy again but Larry doesn't budge.

"Balki, we have the opportunity to own the world's greatest refrigerator!" Larry points out, showing Balki the information, "It even talks to you.  It tells you when you leave the door open.  It tells you when you're low on eggs.  When you eat too much it talks down to you."  "I want to go to Vegaaas," Balki whines.  "Well, my name was on the entry, too, and I want the refrigerator," Larry whines.  "But Cousin, I never thought I'd come to America and here I am," Balki points out, "And now I have a chance to have an adventure.  To go one the most famous place in the world.  And . . . and . . . you want a refrigerator?"  "It has a lettuce crisper," Larry points out.  Balki takes the information page from Larry and sets it down.  "Cousin . . . I know a way to decide.  Put your hands out like this."  Balki holds his hands held as fists out in front of him and Larry does the same.  "In Mypos, this how the parents choose a bride for their son," Balki explains.

Balki begins a ritual in which he uses his fists to gently hit Larry's and his own fists in turn, chanting, "Dimbodega, dimbodega, dabodega smack."  On the smack, Balki slaps both of Larry's cheeks lightly.  He then does the fist thing again.  "Bobedega, dimbodega, bimbodega, hack."  This time Larry holds up his arms to stop Balki from slapping his face.  Balki waits until Larry has lowered his arms and slaps him anyway.  Larry grabs Balki by the shirt front and states, "That's a ridiculous way to decide anything."  "That's what the groom usually says," Balki admits.  "This is America," Larry says, fishing into his pants pocket to find a quarter, "In America we decide these things by the flip of a coin.  Now you call it."  Larry flips the coin and before Balki can say anything, Larry yells, "Heads!"  He catches the coin and slaps it onto the back of his hand, then looks at it.  He quickly covers it again, sighing, "Drat!  I lose.  I always lose."  "Vegaaas!" Balki says happily, "Here we come!"  He notes the disappointed look on Larry's face and offers, "Oh, Cousin, we're going to have an adventure."  "Well, I'll go," Larry sighs, "But I won't have any fun."  "Well, of course not, I wouldn't expect you to," Balki says.  Larry eyes him incredulously.

We see a montage of famous Las Vegas hotels.  Inside an unnamed hotel, Larry and Balki enter a lavish, albeit gaudy, two-bedroom suite.  "It's everything I dreamed Vegas would be," Balki smiles.  "Me, too," Larry says sarcastically.  Balki sets his things down next to the bedside stand, then picks up something.  "Oh, look!  Somebody left a beautiful pen!" Balki gasps, gazing at the pen with the hotel's name on it.  "It's from the hotel," Larry explains, "You can keep it."  Balki gasps happily and clutches the pen to his breast.  He then spots an ice bucket with a bottle in it sitting on the living room table.  "Look!" Balki says, going over to pull out the bottle, "Free champagne!"  "Sure," Larry says, "They want you to get drunk so you'll gamble more.  Don't touch this until we get back to Chicago."  Larry puts the bottle back into the ice bucket.  "Now, I'm going to put my luggage in my room and get a good night's sleep because tomorrow is a big day."

Larry walks into his adjoining bedroom as Balki walks to the bed and stares at the tacky nude-on-velvet painting on the wall above the bed.  "Now that's great art," Balki sighs.  He then climbs onto the king-sized bed, noting, "The whole village could sleep on this!"  He starts bouncing playfully then spots a box with a coin slot on the wall.  "Magic fingers, twenty-five cents," he reads.  Fishing into his pocket for a quarter, Balki places it into the slot and turns the handle.  He immediately jumps off the bed and stares at it with surprise, not having expected the vibration of the Magic Fingers.  He reaches down and touches the mattress tentatively, then sits down on it.  His eyes widen at the sensation.  Slowly he leans back across the bed, looking quite satisfied.  "Vegaaas," he moans with pleasure, then lays down, taking up a brochure to read.

A moment later Balki jumps up from the bed, eyeing the back of the brochure excitedly.  "Cousin Larry!  Come here!" he cries.  Larry walks in, saying, "Don't tell me.  You found the stationery?"  "Wayne Newton is here!" Balki announces.  "So?" Larry asks.  "He is the biggest selling record artist on Mypos!" Balki explains, "The man is a legend!  We must go see him!"  Balki starts to sing 'Dankeschoen,' snapping his fingers to the tune.  Larry is unmoved.  "Okay.  If it means that much to you we'll try to get tickets."  "Thank you!" Balki says, giving Larry a hug, "Is there anything you would like to do while we're here in Vegaaas?"  Balki takes Dimitri out of a bag and sets him on the bedside stand.  "Well, I did make a list of some fun things to do," Larry says, looking at a notepad, "I thought at eleven we could take the bus tour out to Hoover Dam.  That'll get us back here by four-thirty, then it's a fifteen minute walk to the Liberace Museum.  An hour for the tour if we skip the shoe collection.  And then we can end the day with a nice desert walk."

"Cousin Larry, you're leaving out the most fun thing of all," Balki says, "The casino!"  "No, no . . . absolutely no casinos!" Larry insists.  "Why not?" Balki asks.  "Balki, why do you think I came along?" Larry asks.  "To take all the fun out of the trip?" Balki guesses.  "To protect you," Larry answers, "I just don't want you to end up like our Uncle Pete."  "Who Uncle Pete?"  "Uncle Pete was a gambler," Larry explains, "He gambled away everything he owned: his car, his house . . . we never did find Aunt Susan.  The point is, it's in the family blood.  And that's why you can't go into a casino."  Balki pouts.  "I want to go to casino," he cries.  "All right," Larry sighs, consulting his notepad, "Maybe . . . after the desert walk and before Wayne Newton we can walk through the casino."  "Oh boy!" Balki exclaims happily.  "But no stopping!" Larry adds.  "Oh, boy," Balki says with disappointment.  Larry starts to walk into his room when Balki sighs, "We should have taken the refrigerator."  Larry doubles back and says in an "I told you so" voice, "Well, it's a little late for that now!"  Larry leaves and Balki picks up Dimitri for comfort.

The next evening, Larry and Balki run quickly into a casino bar.  "Wh . . . what is this?" Balki asks.  "This is the bar," Larry answers, still trying to catch his breath.  "Wh . . . what was that we just run through?" Balki asks.  "That was the casino," Larry replies.  "Cousin, why you didn't tell me?  I want to see the casino!" Balki complains, walking back toward it.  Larry grabs hold of Balki's suspenders to keep him from leaving.  "You got a great view from right here," Larry says, "Look at them.  You want to become one of those miserable souls out there?"  There is the sound of a bell and a crowd of people cheering someone's slot machine win.  "Yes," Balki smiles.  "No, you don't," Larry insists, leading Balki to the bar, "They're really crying on the inside."  There is the sound of another bell and more cheering.  "Boy, they're hiding it well!" Balki notes.  "Balki, you just sit down and order a drink and I'll go get our tickets," Larry says.  "But I want to . . . " Balki begins, starting to move around Larry.  "Balki!" Larry orders as if talking to a dog, "Sit.  Stay."  Balki sits on a barstool, but keeps looking around Larry toward the casino.  "Stay.  Ah!" Larry commands, "Remember Uncle Pete!"  Larry leaves the bar.

A well-dressed woman approaches the bar and spots Balki.  She sits next to him and smiles, saying, "Hi there.  Wanna have a good time?"  "Well, I've already been to the Liberace Museum," Balki says.  "Let's start again," the woman sighs, "Hi.  My name's Windy."  "Hello, Windy," Balki smiles, "Are you a showgirl?"  "I can do Hamlet in a rubber suit if the price is right," Windy says.  "I love the theater," Balki says.  Windy looks at her watch impatiently and asks, "Look, did you want to party or what?"  "I would love to go to a party!" Balki replies, "Can I bring Cousin Larry?"  At this moment Larry returns and walks behind Balki, announcing, "I got the tickets."  "Cousin Larry, this is Windy," Balki introduces.  "Hello, Cousin Larry," Windy smiles seductively.  "Hello, Windy," Larry replies, then asks, "Balki, what are you doing with this woman?"  "Shooting the breeze," Balki answers, "She wants to go to a party."  "I bet she does," Larry sighs.  He leans over to address Windy, referring to Balki.  "Uh . . . this man has no money."  Windy turns to the man sitting next to her on the other side and says, "Hi there.  Wanna have a good time?"  She leaves with the man.

"Balki, what were you doing with her?" Larry asks, "Don't you know what that woman does for a living?"  "Well, of course I do!  Don't be ridiculous!" Balki scoffs, "She does Hamlet in a rubber suit."  Off of Larry's astounded look, Balki asks, "No?"  "Let's just say that, uh . . . she's in the world's oldest profession.  Hmm?" Larry says, then makes knowing gestures and nods to Balki, who mimics Larry as if he knows what he means.  "Oh!" Balki says, "She's a sheepherder."  Giving up, Larry says, "That's right.  Why don't you and I go get ready for the show?"  "Oh, we have plenty of time," Balki says, digging into his pocket, "I have . . . a quarter.  I want to hit the slots."  "All right," Larry concedes, walking to a nearby slot machine with Balki, "This'll be a good lesson for you. Obviously you won't be happy until you throw your money away.  Go ahead, put your money in the machine . . . "  Balki drops his quarter into the slot machine.  " . . . pull the handle . . . watch your money disappear into the pockets of some man named Guido," Larry finishes.  Balki pulls the handle and the reels start spinning.  "There . . . I hope your happy!" Larry scolds.  The machine starts ringing and a bunch of quarters fall out of the tray and onto the floor at their feet.  "I love Vegaaas!" Balki exclaims and Larry looks frustrated as the scene fades to black.

As act two begins, Balki and Larry and walking into the casino at last.  Numerous people are playing the various games.  "So, this is what a casino looks like," Balki says, "Different when you're not running."  "Okay . . . you've seen it, now let's get out of here," Larry urges, "This place is dangerous.  If you stay here you'll catch the fever."  "What fever?" Balki asks, "I hit one fifty dollar jackpot."  "Balki, I forbid you to stay here!" Larry orders.  "Well, papa don't preach!" Balki scoffs, "I'm a big boy now.  I can look after myself."  "That's just what Uncle Pete said, just before he gambled away his pacemaker," Larry says.  "Cousin, I am going to go gambling," Balki states, moving toward the roulette table.  "All right, all right, fine!" Larry sighs, as Balki gets a stack of chips for his money, "This should be a good lesson.  You've had the thrill of victory, you should taste the agony of defeat."  Balki watches the marble spinning around on the roulette wheel until he gets dizzy.  "What is this game?"  "It's called roulette," Larry explains, "The odds are really against you.  Why don't you try it?"  "All right," Balki smiles, "If you think I should."

Balki picks up his stack of chips and starts holding them over the different numbers, reciting "Dimbodega, dimbodega, dabodega . . . "  Larry stops him.  "Just put them down."  "Okay," Balki agrees, and sets his chips down on a number.  "Good.  Thirty-two," Larry notes, "Now watch your money disappear."  The marble lands in a slot.  "Number thirty-two!" the croupier announces.  "This is fun!" Balki smiles.  He then leans to the croupier and asks, "Can you teach me how to spin the marble?"  "No," the croupier says seriously, then spins the wheel again, calling, "Bets!"  Larry takes the two stacks of chips and gives one to Balki.  "All right, we don't have a much time if we want to see Wayne Newton," Larry explains, "I'm gonna have to help you lose your money."  "How much should we bet?" Balki asks.  "You bet half and I'll bet half," Larry says, "That way one bad spin and you'll be broke and miserable."  Larry places his chips on thirty-six red.  "Good strategy," Balki says, placing down his chips as well.  "Number thirty-six!" the croupier announces.

"Cousin, you won!" Balki says happily.  "I can't get a break," Larry sighs with frustration.  The croupier removes all the losing chips from the table.  "Oh . . . I lose," Balki realizes.  "Now how do you feel?" Larry asks.  "Broke and miserable," Balki admits.  "Good," Larry says, "Believe me, you're a better person for it.  And as soon as I lose the rest of your money we can go to the show."  He tells the croupier, "Let it ride."  The marble settles into a slot.  "Number thirty-six!" the croupier announces.  "Cousin, you did pretty good," Balki says.  "Yeah, guess I would be if I was trying to win," Larry says, starting to feel excited.  He thinks a moment then says, "Let's try my birthday."  He moves his chips to another number.  Balki leans down to look at Larry's watch.  "Cousin, almost time for Wayne' show."  "Well, Balki, I can't leave.  I still have all this money to lose for you," Larry says.  "But Wayne is waiting."

"All right, I tell you what," Larry says, reaching into his pocket for one of the tickets, "Here's your ticket to the show.  I'll catch up with you as soon as I lose this."  "Number twenty-four," the croupier announces.  "I win!  I win!" Larry says excitedly.  "Are you sure you don't mind?" Balki asks.  "Hmmm?" Larry asks, a little too animatedly.  "Cousin, are you all right?" Balki asks with concern.  "I'm fine," Larry assures him, "I'll see you at the show."  "Why don't you come now?" Balki asks.  "No, you go ahead," Larry urges, "Save my seat.  I'm just as excited about seeing Wayne as you are."  Larry keeps nodding but Balki doesn't look convinced.  Larry starts singing "Dankeschoen" and Balki finally smiles and says, "Okay," before walking away.  "Okay, baby needs a new pair of shoes," Larry says in an intense voice, "Double down!  Boxcars!  Let it ride!"  "Number twenty-four again!" the croupier announces.  "Yes!  Yes!" Larry cheers, completely caught up in the excitement.

Later in the evening, Larry is still at the roulette table.  "Twelve, twelve," he chants, "Lucky number twelve."  The marble settles into a slot and the croupier says, particularly to Larry, "Number twenty-two."  "I was gonna bet twenty-two," Larry says.  The croupier gives him a demeaning look.  "Okay, give me twenty-two," Larry says, placing his chips on the number.  Balki enters and hurries to Larry's side.  "Cousin."  "What?  What?" Larry asks with aggravation.  "I waited and waited for you . . . and . . . and . . . and . . . and I worried for you," Balki says, "Why you didn't come to see Wayne?"  "Well, I would have but I, uh . . . I uh . . . I sold my ticket," Larry explains.  "Number twelve!" the croupier announces.  Larry looks at the man in disbelief.  "Okay, come on," Larry says, placing chips from a stack in various places, "Give me, uh . . . six, twelve, twenty-two and all the blacks."  "Why you sold your ticket?" Balki asks.  "Gambling takes money," Larry answers.  "Well, you have plenty of money," Balki points out.  "You can never have enough money," Larry grunts.  "Cousin, I'm confused.  I thought you stayed here to lose my money to teach me a lesson."  "Well, school's out!" Larry states, "Come on . . . six, twelve, twenty-two and all the blacks!"

The marble settles and the croupier announces, "Number seven . . . "  He looks at Larry and emphasizes, " . . . red!"  The croupier clears the chips from the table.  Larry fingers the last little stack he has left.  "Cousin, where you got those chips?" Balki asks.  "I sold my plane ticket," Larry answers.  "You sold your plane ticket?" Balki asks, "How are you going to get home?"  "Don't worry," Larry says, "When I win enough I can buy it back."  "I think you take after Uncle Pete's side of the family," Balki observes.  "Okay, one more time for number twelve," Larry says, reaching over to place his chips on the number.  "No, no, I don't let you do that!" Balki cries, pulling Larry's hand away and then trying to pull him from the table.  "No, Balki!" Larry cries, trying to push the chips onto the number with his foot, "Just put those on the twelve."  "No!" Balki cries, also putting his foot up on the table to try to pull the chips back.  "Balki, wait!" Larry cries, then he points away and says, "Oh look!  There's Wayne Newton!"  Balki turns, removing his foot from the table as he calls, "Wayne!"  "Everything on the twelve!" Larry cries, placing his chips on the number, "Spin it!  Spin it!"

Balki turns back to Larry and cries, "You tricked Balki!  You used Wayne's name in vain!  I can't let you gamble away everything like your Uncle Pete!"  Balki reaches over and snatches the marble from the roulette wheel.  He clutches it in his hands as he's immediately surrounded by some very burly looking men and the casino is suddenly silent.  "Balki . . . why don't you give the nice men back their marble?" Larry suggests.  "Not until you promise to stop gambling!" Balki insists.  "He just doesn't understand good, clean fun," Larry laughs to the men.  "Promise!" Balki insists.  "I promise," Larry agrees.  "All right, good!" Balki says, handing the croupier back the marble.  The men walk away and the casino comes back to life.  "Don't you ever . . . EVER . . . do that again!" Larry warns.  "I won't," Balki assures him, "Now go to your room!"  "I'm not going anywhere!  I lied!" Larry says.  "Well, then I lied, too!" Balki says, and he reaches over and grabs Larry's chips off the table and runs from the casino.  "Balki, give me back those chips!" Larry yells, stopping in his pursuit of Balki to hear the croupier call, "Number twelve!"  "No!  No!" Larry cries, then he runs from the casino yelling, "Balki!  Balki!"

Back at the hotel suite, Larry opens the front door and peers in maniacally, calling out "Heeeere's Larry!"  He turns the lights on and enters the room, looking around for Balki.  "I want my money!" Larry barks.  He turns to the closed closet doors and flings them open, screaming in a guttural voice, but the closet is empty so he turns back.  He then eyes the closed door to his room and begins to approach it, saying in a fake comforting voice, "It's all right . . . everything's all right . . . "  Slowly he opens the door to the room.  " . . . I forgive you!"  He screams and rushes through the door, returning a moment later.  "I know you're here!" Larry says, sniffing at the air, "I can smell my chips!"  He stalks across the room until he reaches the window, where the curtains are hanging down to the floor on opposites sides.  Beneath the set of drapes closest to him a pair of shoes are just barely visible, poking out from behind them.  "Oh well . . . " Larry says, " . . . maybe . . . he's not here . . . after all!"  Larry lunges at the curtains, attacking them viciously.  There is nothing behind them, but Balki has poked his head out from behind the other side of the curtains, watching Larry pulling at the curtains in his fury.

Instinctively, Larry turns and spies Balki behind the other curtains.  Balki runs to the door but Larry pushes it shut before Balki can get it completely open.  Balki then turns and runs to the bed with Larry close behind.  They both leap and land across the bed, reacting with an "Ooh!" when the Magic Fingers start vibrating.  They tumble over one another and land on the floor.  Both get up and face each other.  "Give me my chips!" Larry shouts.  Balki holds up one chip and throws it aside as a distraction.  Larry lunges for it and Balki runs past him.  They chase each other in a figure eight pattern around the two chairs in the living room and then Larry finally chases and corners Balki against the far wall, grabbing him by the shirt.  "Cousin Larry?  Cousin Larry?" Balki cries.  "There is no Cousin Larry!" Larry snarls, "There's only Lucky Larry!  And I'm going for the big jackpot!  I'm gonna blow this town wide open!  Now give me my chips!"  Larry pries his chips loose from Balki's hands.  "You don't know what you're doing!" Balki cries.  "I know exactly what I'm doing!" Larry insists, counting his chips.

Balki reaches behind and pulls out a hand mirror, shoving into Cousin Larry's face.  Larry stares at his own reflection in horror and cries, "Uncle Pete!"  Balki uses the mirror to push Larry back until he has fallen across one of the chairs.  "Oh my God!" Larry says.  Balki pulls the mirror away and Larry looks up in confusion, asking, "What's happening?"  "Well, I'm no expert," Balki says, "but as far as I can tell . . . you just went off the deep end."  "I don't know what's happening to me," Larry whines, "I . . . I thought I came along to protect you and now . . . look at me!  I sold my Wayne Newton ticket.  I sold my plane ticket.  I sold the free champagne."  Balki eyes the empty table with disappoinment.  "I . . . I am a compulsive gambler," Larry sighs.  Balki squats down next to the chair and assures Larry, "No you are not.  You're just a regular person who got caught up in the excitement of Vegaaas."  "Am I?" Larry asks.

"Well, of course you are," Balki insists, "You don't bet on the football pools or the horses at home, do you?"  "That's true," Larry nods.  "And when I tried to buy a lottery ticket, you told me not to waste my money," Balki points out.  "I did!  I did!" Larry nods.  "Do you feel like gambling now?" Balki asks.  Larry shoves the chips into Balki's hands and says, "I don't ever want to see the inside of another casino for as long as I live!"  "Oh, you're doing it again," Balki sighs, "Oh yi yi yi yooki biggi mooki, Cousin Larry!"  Balki begins to rant in Myposian, the only recognizable words being "casino" and "Lucky Larry."  He finishes by saying "Baba!  Baba!" while pointing at Larry, as if he is scolding a misbehaving sheep.  Balki sits down in the other chair.  "Come again?" Larry asks.  "You're problem is you either go too far or you don't go at all," Balki notes, "If you want to have any fun you've got to find somewhere in the middle."  "I've always had trouble with the middle," Larry admits.

"Cousin, you just need some practice having fun," Balki says, "I could help you.  For instance, this weekend we could have a little fun.  Then, next weekend we could have a little more fun.  And then in a couple of years you could be a real party animal . . . like me."  "Do you think so?" Larry asks.  "Well, of course I do," Balki assures him, "And don't worry about your plane ticket.  I'll loan you the money."  "Oh, Balki, thank you," Larry says sincerely, "I owe you a lot."  "I know," Balki smiles, "But you would do the same for me."  "I would?" Larry asks, then adds, "I would."  And then more sincerely, "I would!"  "That's nice," Balki says, "Now, let's go do something fun."  "Can we catch Wayne Newton's second show?" Larry asks.  "Now you're talking!" Balki smiles, "Larry Appleton, you're going to be one fun guy!"  Balki starts singing "Dankeschoen" and Larry joins in, both snapping their fingers and moving with the rhythm.  On the line "When you tore your dress, what a mess . . . " they both hide their faces in embarrassment, then continue singing.

Script Variations:
There are some notable differences between the final episode and the first draft dated August 12, 1986:
- The opening scene in the first draft is completely different.  When Larry enters the apartment it is empty except for the sound of an electric hair dryer from the bathroom.  Larry calls for Balki, who comes out of the bathroom with his hair sticking straight back "like someone who has just hit mach ten in a convertible."  Larry asks what happened to Balki’s head and Balki says "You said I could borrow your hair dryer.  I used mouse."  "Mousse," corrects Larry.  "It’s a look.  A terrible look."  Balki says he will change it.  This bit was never used in any episode.
- The winning contest entry in the first draft was Balki’s . . . Larry filled out 100 entries and Balki filled out only one but Balki won.  The contest is specifically called the "Tommy the Tuna Sweepstakes" in this draft.  Larry tries to convince Balki to take the refrigerator, even though Balki has the right to choose the prize he wants.  "Look, I’m the one who wanted to enter this contest in the first place," Larry says.  "I wanted that refrigerator.  That’s why I filled out a hundred entries.  I was in that grocery store for over an hour.  And where were you?"  "Playing with the electric door," Balki admits sheepishly.
- One of Larry’s arguments for not going to Vegas goes like this: "Balki, Las Vegas changes people.  You don’t want to end up like Twinkacetti, do you?"  "Short, fat and nasty?" Balki asks.  "That and addicted to gambling," Larry continues.  "It’s a disease.  That man would bet his soul . . . of course he’d have to steal one first."
- There is a very short scene outside the hotel when the boys arrive in a taxi cab.  Balki says, "What a town.  They even have slot machines in taxi cabs."  Larry says, "Balki, put that quarter away.  That’s the meter."
- When they reach the hotel room (only one in this draft, which Balki and Larry share) a bellboy wheels their luggage in on a cart.  The bellboy then waits for a tip.  "Oh, you must want a tip," Larry says.  "Well . . . I . . . uh . . . " the bellboy begins.  Larry, sarcastically, says "No, no, no.  You deserve one.  I mean you had to take that long elevator ride up here.  Not to mention wheeling those heavy bags the twenty feet to our room.  Here you go."  The bellboy reacts off the tip: "Oh, fifty cents, wait until I tell the guys."  Balki comments that the bellboy was nice and Larry reacts by saying "Of course he’s nice.  He’s paid to be nice.  When you’re nice to people they spend more money.  So far this "free" trip has cost us cab fare and now fifty cents for him.  Boy, they get you coming and going."
- There was a small joke about the Magic Fingers bed that didn’t make the final show.  When Balki is laying on the bed reading the brochure he calls for Cousin Larry to come in.  Larry comes out of the bathroom and sees Balki on the bed shaking and yells out "Earthquake!" and drops to floor.  After realizing his mistake, Larry mumbles "I hate this town."
- When Balki wants to see Wayne Newton Larry protests at first, saying "Oh, sure.  Come to Vegas and go to a show.  Fall right into their trap."  "Wayne Newton has a trap?" Balki asks.  "They’re not giving tickets away," Larry points out.  "Please, Cousin.  It’s Wayne Newton."  Larry finally gives in.  "Okay, if it means that much to you we’ll try to get some tickets.  But don’t expect to sit up close."
- When Balki asks Larry if there’s anything he would like to do, Larry replies "Yes. I’d like to go to the airport and leave."
- In the first draft Balki makes it clear he isn’t thrilled about the desert walk idea.  "A desert walk?  It’s sand."  "It’s not just sand.  It’s a very special and delicate ecology," Larry counters.  "It’s sand!" Balki insists.
- After Larry explains about Uncle Pete Balki says "Don’t be ridiculous, Cousin.  Just because we had a crazy uncle who . . . "  "He was not crazy.  He was compulsive!" Larry says defensively.
- When Balki and Larry run through the casino and into the lounge Larry is holding Balki’s hand.  "Could you let go of my hand now?" Balki asks.  "People are looking."  A moment later Larry says "Boy, the desert at sunset, pretty spectacular, huh?" to which Balki answers "I got sand in my shoe.  Can we go back to the casino?"  When told they just went through the casino, Balki comments "We spent more time in the revolting doors."  "That’s revolving," Larry corrects.
- When Larry leaves Balki at the bar Balki has a ticket for a complimentary drink and orders a Bloody Screwdriver, which the bartender somehow mixes up for him.  After Balki gets the drink he says "Well?"  "Well, what?" the bartender asks.  "It’s a complimentary drink.  Where’s my compliment?" Balki asks.  "You should live so long," the bartender snaps.  "Thank you.  I hope you live long, too," Balki answers.
- After hitting the $50 jackpot Balki wants to go to the casino but Larry holds him back.  "You’re in no condition to go back there," Larry warns.  "Look at you.  You’re drunk with greed."  Balki looks at himself then says "I’m not drunk with anything.  I didn’t even finish my complimentary cocktail."
- Instead of saying that Uncle Pete gambled away his pacemaker Larry says he gambled away his walker.
- Balki goes back to play the slot machine again and Larry says "Now that you’ve had the thrill of victory you should experience the agony of defeat."  Balki wins the slot machine again and says "I win again.  And my feet don’t feel any agony at all."
- Balki wins on the slot machine several more times before they move on to the table games.  They only play roulette for one spin, then Balki says he doesn’t like the game because it makes him dizzy.  They move on to blackjack.  At one point the dealer asks Balki "Are you staying, sir?"  Balki answers, "Yes, we have a beautiful room."  The dealer than says "Would you like a hit?" and Balki says, "I’m sorry."  Then to Larry, "What did I do?"  Balki keeps hitting until he reaches 28.
- Larry catches the fever and the rest of the first casino scene plays out at the blackjack table.  At the end of the scene when Balki wants to know why Larry isn’t going to see Wayne right then Larry screams "Don’t you understand?  I’m on a streak!"
- After Balki comes back from Wayne Newton Larry is back at the roulette table.  After Balki takes the marble Larry says "Balki, give the nice men their marble."  Then quietly, "Before they break every bone in our bodies."
- The bit where Larry grabs the curtains only to find Balki’s shoes, which had been sticking out from underneath, then turning to see Balki was not worked out in this script.
- The final lines of the show are different, with Balki suggesting they go out for ice cream.  Larry says "Good idea.  Just one thing.  Would you mind carrying my chips?"

Continue on to the next episode . . .