Nielsen Rating: 16.5 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 09 - The Unnatural
First Air Date:
October 1, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 16.5 HH
TV Guide Description: Larry's dilemma: whether to play Balki in the baseball championship game, or the ringer Twinkie hired after Larry promised Balki he could play.
Co-Producer:
James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Paula A. Roth
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Ernie Sabella: Mr. Twinkacetti
Guest Cast:
Melanie Wilson: Jennifer Lyons
Rebeca Arthur: Mary Ann
Hank Robinson: Umpire
Terence Goodman: Duke Lyle
Dimitri
Appearances: Dimitri can be seen sitting on the chair in the background
when Balki and Larry are practicing baseball in the living room.
Balki-isms:
"When will be the right time for you to unload me?"
Don’t be ridiculous: Said once.
Other catchphrases
used in this episode:
"Wwwooowww!" (first time)
"I love this guy!"
Balki's "Huh?"
"Cousin, you are a genius!"
Other running jokes
used in this episode:
Larry drinks antacid from the bottle
Balki cries until he gets something he wants
Larry keeps organized with a clipboard
Songs: "The Impossible Dream" - sung by Balki in the shower after Larry has promised he can play baseball with the team in the big game.
Notable Moments:
Larry wins his very first trophy.
Interesting facts:
- The title of this episode is a joke on the 1984
Robert Redford baseball movie, The Natural.
- This is the first episode in which several of
Larry’s siblings are first mentioned. He goes into detail about the
rivalry he has with his brother Billy (which will be expanded upon in the third
season episode My Brother, Myself) but also mentioned is brother Danny
(who locked Larry in the attic for three days) and sister Elaine (who held Larry
down and cut off all his hair . . . Elaine would show up later this season in
the episode Hello, Elaine).
- At one point Balki says he knows he can
"throw the old horsehide around the horn, if you just tell me what a horn
is." "Around the horn" refers to throwing the baseball from
third base to second and then to first, technically a double play. The
horn in fact refers to the infield.
- Once again the round orange lamp in the living
room is a casualty when Larry hits it with the bat. There must be a store
somewhere that stocks this style of lamp because it would be back again in the next
episode.
- This isn’t the first time Larry would swing a
bat and break something. In part one of Father Knows Best from
season five Larry would break a pipe in the basement with his dangerous swing.
- Balki’s self-assigned number on the team is
#1. Larry, in keeping with his unlucky image is #13. Jennifer is #10
and Mary Anne is #6.
-
The woman who appeared as a background extra in a couple of first season
episodes turns up again in this episode as a spectator at the baseball
game. We still believe this is the same woman who appears constantly as a
co-worker in the basement of the Chicago Chronicle from season three on.
- This is the first time a montage sequence is used
in the series to show the passage of time, namely the game as it progresses.
- Also unusual for this series is the use of
exterior shots cut into the dramatic scene in which Balki hits the winning
run. The shots of Bronson at the plate and hitting the ball, as well as
the pitcher and the outfielder chasing the ball, were all done in a separate
shoot outside.
- In the shooting script for the episode the
Myposian game where you hit rocks with a stick is not named (it simply says
"Myposian name"). It was common for Bronson and/or even Mark to
come up with the Myposian words and phrases themselves.
- Hank Robinson, who played the umpire in this
episode, played umpires repeatedly throughout his career in both television and
movies.
- A photo from this episode was used as the
background for advertising which ran after the theme song during (at least) the
summer repeats of the series in 1987.
Bloopers and
Inconsistencies:
- In this episode, Larry bemoans
the fact that he’s never won a trophy in his life, yet in
the first season episode Happy Birthday, Baby when he sneaks out of his room in the
dark to defend himself against what he thinks are prowlers he’s carrying a
trophy.
- In this episode, the apartment door has the
letter E on it. But most of the time the apartment is referred to by a
number, such as 203.
Synopsis:
Mr. Twinkacetti is standing in the Ritz Discount Store when Balki backs into the store,
followed by a group of people dressed in baseball uniforms with the words
"Ritz Discount Royals" written on them. Jennifer and Mary Anne are
among them. Balki is not wearing a uniform, however. The team is carrying Larry into the store on their shoulders
as Balki leads the group in chanting "We’re number one!" After
several chats, Larry asks, "All right, uh, please . . . put me
down." The team sets him down. "Am I to assume from this
little display that my team won?" Twinkacetti asks happily. "Mr.
Twinkacetti, you should have been there!" Balki says, "Slugger hit
four home runs and then Jennifer walked and then Mary Anne struck out . . . too
bad, Mary Anne . . . and then . . . " "Uh, Turnip, Turnip!"
Mr. Twinkacetti interrupts, "If I want to hear the play-by-play I'll ask
the manager, not the water boy." "Well, he's not just the water
boy," Larry defends Balki, "He's also the scorekeeper and the head
cheerleader." "Who cares?" Twinakcetti asks, "Did we
beat the spread?" "We creamed the Hoot Owls 10 to 4!" Larry
reports. The team cheers.
"Oh, by the way, those uniforms I
paid for to advertise the store, I noticed some of you got a little dirt on the
logo," Twinkacetti 
notes,
"Do it again and you're off the team!" He walks to his
office. "Thank you for the encouragement, Mr. Twinkacetti!"
Larry calls after him. The team members act as if they are about to leave,
but Larry stops them, saying, "Uh, before you go . . . I'd just like to say
a few words. As you know, if we can beat the Shop 'n Spend Spartans next
Saturday's game, the championship is ours." The team cheers.
"And since I'm the manager," Larry continues, "the champion's
trophy will be mine. But I will share it with each and every one of
you . . . in spirit. See you at practice next Friday!" The team
leaves, chanting "We're number one!" "They look up to
me," Larry smiles at Balki, "I'm surprised Slugger left right after
the game. He usually likes to get a little pat on the butt from me after
he's had a great game. Well, I guess it can wait 'il next
week." "Oh, I almost forgot," Balki remembers,
"Slugger's going to the Grand Canyon with his family."
"Oh!" Larry smiles. "Yeah, he won't be at the game next
Saturday," Balki finishes. Larry grabs Balki roughly by the front of
the shirt and demands to know, "Why didn't he tell me?"
"Well, maybe he was afraid you would
do this to him," Balki says, looking down at his shirt, "And he's got
chest hair. Come to 
think
of it . . . so do I." Larry releases Balki, who looks pained.
"One game from the championship and it's over," Larry sighs, "The
Spartans are gonna bury us. Goodbye, trophy! Without Slugger we
stink." "Cousin, Slugger is just one person and you always said
everybody on the team is equal," Balki points out. "Well, equal
in the sense that, uh . . . that . . . I, uh . . . lied." "But
then you just have to find another good player," Balki suggests.
"Where?" Larry asks, "Players like Slugger don't grow on
trees." "Maybe you find him right here," Balki says
hopefully. "Oh sure, what, is he gonna walk through the door any
minute now?" Larry asks, "Let's take a look." He turns to
look at the front door of the store. "Oops, no players today!
Well, I gotta change." Larry walks to the storage room, stopping to
pick up the equipment bag. "Oh, if Mr. Baseball comes through the
door, let me know." Balki walks to the front door and pushes it open
to look outside. He turns back and addresses the wooden cigar store Indian
standing inside the door. "Hello, Chief. My name is Balki but
my friends call me Mr. Baseball." Balki mimes a baseball pitcher.
Later that week, Larry is on the phone in
the apartment. "Uh huh . . . uh . . . so . . . so you don't think
he'll be out of prison in time to play the game on Saturday?" Larry asks
into the receiver, "Yeah, well . . . okay. Thank you."
Balki enters through the front 
door.
"Cousin, I got you something for your nervous stomach," Balki says,
holding up a bottle of antacid in his right hand. "Oh, thanks,"
Larry says gratefully. Balki pulls his left hand from behind his back and
tosses the bottle into the glove. Larry takes the bottle but doesn't pick
up on the hint. "So, have you had any luck replacing Slugger?"
Balki asks, removing a baseball cap from his back pocket and placing it on his
head as he approaches Larry, who is drinking the antacid from the bottle.
"No," Larry reports, "I'm a loser. I've always been a
loser. If there was a contest for losers, I'd be a winner."
"Cousin . . . ?" "Mmm?" Larry hums. "I'll
play," Balki offers. "Play what?" Larry asks.
"Baseball. You need a player . . . I play!" "Oh,
thank you, Balki, I appreciate the offer," Larry says, placing the antacid
in the refrigerator and takes out a can of soda, "But there's no way you
could replace Slugger." "Why no?" Balki asks.
"Well, for one thing you've never played before!" Larry points out,
"We need somebody who can help us win."
Larry crosses to the chairs in front of
the fireplace. Balki places his baseball cap and glove on the phone stand
and follows. "But Cousin, at the beginning of the season you said
that we're just playing for fun and it don't matter if we win or lose,"
Balki reminds him. "I did?" Larry asks, "Oh, yeah!
Well, that was before I thought we had a chance. Now we're one game away
from my 
trophy."
"Is getting a trophy so important?" Balki asks. "It's more
important than life," Larry says, "Didn't I ever tell you about my
brother Billy?" They both sit down in the chairs. "The one
who locked you in the attic for three days?" Balki asks. "No,
that was my brother Danny," Larry explains. "Billy!" Balki
realizes, "The one that hold you down and cut off all your
hair." "No, that was my sister Elaine," Larry corrects,
"No, little Larry and Billy Appleton shared the same room. We had
identical beds, two identical desks, two identical bookshelves . . . only
Billy's bookshelves were filled with trophies. Bowling trophies, tennis
trophies, track trophies. Billy was a born winner. You know what I
had on my bookshelf? A wooden replica of a wheel of cheddar cheese with a
plaque that said 'First Place - Wisconsin State Fair Cheese Throw.'"
"Wwowww!" Balki says, "I bet Billy was pretty
jealous!" "It was Billy's trophy," Larry explains, "He
didn't want it on his side of the room. Just once I'd like to have my own
trophy."
"And I want to help you win it!"
Balki says. Larry moans slightly and stands up, Balki standing as
well. "Please? Please?" Balki 
begs,
"Cousin, I know I can toss the old horsehide around the horn if you just
tell me what a horn is!" "All right, look, I tell you
what," Larry says, "You can practice with the team tomorrow and then
we'll see if there's a place for you." "I want practice
now," Balki says. "No, Balki, you can't practice now, it's too
late to go to the park," Larry notes. "I want practice
now," Balki insists. "You can't practice in the house,"
Larry states. "I want to play baseball!" Balki says, and he
lowers his head, crying. "You're not gonna let this go, are
you?" Larry sighs. "No, I'm not," Balki replies.
"All right, we'll practice now," Larry gives in. "Oh
boy!" Balki exclaims happily. Balki gets a bat and a ball from the
equipment bag as Larry sets down his soda. "I'm ready!" Balki
announces. "Not really," Larry contradicts, taking the baseball
from Balki and putting it back into the bag, then pulling out a rolled up pair
of socks, "You're not going to destroy the living room, so you'll use these
socks for a ball. Now, what position would you sort of like to try to
play?"
"Uh . . . I want to play . . .
pitcher," Balki answers, "Because he's the one that gets to talk to
the manager the most and that's . . . that's you." Balki steps
forward and puts his head on Larry's shoulder. "All right, all
right," Larry sighs, "Here, you take this." He hands Balki
the socks and takes the bat. "Go over there." Larry
directs Balki to walk to the other end of the living room. "Move the
chair out of the way, I'll move the TV so we don't break anything."
They move the furniture aside and Larry stand in front of 
the
chairs by the fireplace while Balki stands on the other side of the room.
"All right, now," Larry says, "just . . . try to get it past me .
. . don't throw it hard or you're gonna break something. Just nice and
easy. Real fluid motion. Don't try to throw a curve or a slider, you
just want to put it right over the middle, all right? Just toss it
in. Just up . . . and over. Gonna toss it up . . . and over the
plate. Okay? Just up . . . and over. What are you waiting
for?" "For you to stop talking," Balki explains.
"Okay, I've stopped," Larry says, "Play ball." Balki
starts acting like a pitcher, miming that he is getting and rejecting signals
from the catcher. Larry is getting impatient. Finally Balki eyes the
"catcher" and exclaims, "Don't be ridiculous!"
"Will you just throw the ball?" Larry shouts. Balki finally
pitches the ball and Larry swings, hitting the orange lamp and shattering it
into pieces. "Strike one," Balki
announces.
The
next day, Larry enters the apartment wearing a blue sweat suit. Balki
enters a moment later wearing a yellow sweat suit which is covered completely
with dirt. He is also carrying the equipment bag and is wearing a glove
with a ball in it. Balki tosses the bag aside. "Did I do good
at practice today?" Balki asks. "I can safely say that I have
never seen baseball played the way you played it today," Larry
answers. "And I'll do just as good against the Spartans," Balki
promises, tossing the ball up in the air and missing the catch when it comes
down. "That's just what I'm afraid of," Larry comments.
"Know what I liked?" Balki asks. "Sliding?" Larry
guesses. "I liked sliding," Balki confirms. "You slid
headfirst into every base . . . when you should have been playing right
field," Larry notes. "It was fun," Balki confesses.
"Fun does not win trophies!" Larry says, "And you never even took
batting practice." "So . . . so what position do I play?"
Balki asks, tossing the ball up again and again missing it.
"Well,
Balki, we have to talk about that," Larry says, leading Balki to the couch,
"You remember I told you baseball is a very complicated game? Well, I
don't think that you . . . " "It's also very wonderful,"
Balki interrupts. "Well, yes, I guess it is," Larry agrees,
"I don't think that you should be . . . " Balki holds up his
hand for Larry to wait. "You know, when we were at home on Mypos we
used to hear about the great American game of baseball and . . . and tomorrow I,
Balki Bartokomous, a lowly sheepherder, will be the first Mypiot in history to
put on a baseball uniform and play the greatest game ever invented!"
Balki is ecstatic and Larry looks worried. "So, what did you want to
tell me?" Balki asks. Larry tries to brace himself to disappoint
Balki but can't do it. "Balki, I uh . . . I really don't think that .
. . that, uh . . . you should be up late tonight. Why don't you hit the
showers and get a good night's sleep 'cause tomorrow is a big, big day?"
"Big day?" Balki gasps,
"I'm going to write home! When they hear about this on Mypos they'll
throw me a parade! Of course I 
won't
be there but . . . they'll send me the drawings." As Balki walks back
to the bathroom he tosses the ball into the air and catches it this time, much
to his amazement. The phone rings as Balki enters the bathroom and closes
the door. Larry answers it. "Hello? Oh, hello, Mr.
Twinkacetti. No, I haven't found a replacement for Slugger yet, but . . .
you have? Duke Lyle? Well, how did you get someone as good as Duke
to . . . ? You're gonna pay him fifty dollars. Hmmm? I'm
gonna pay him fifty dollars. No, no, I think he's worth every penny.
Yeah, all right. I'll see you tomorrow." Larry hangs up the
phone. "Duke Lyle!" he exclaims to himself, "Tomorrow I get
my trophy! In your face Billy Appleton!" Larry gloats, then
hears Balki singing "The Impossible Dream" in the shower and his
expression becomes pained as the scene fades.
Act
two begins at the baseball field at the Ritz Discount Royals bench to the right of home
plate (from the audience's perspective). Larry is sitting on the bench
with his team. "Okay, all right!" Larry calls, "On the
field! Let's practice! Warm up! 
Let's
go!" Everyone runs out onto the field as Mr. Twinkacetti arrives with
a man wearing a Ritz Discount Royals uniform. "Appleton, this is Duke
Lyle, the man who's gonna win this one for me. Uh, Duke, this is the
manager. Don't feel compelled to pay any attention to him."
"Duke, it's a pleasure," Larry offers his hand to shake, "You
can't imagine what it means to me to have you with us today."
"Who cares?" Duke says, "Where's my fifty bucks?" "I love this guy!" Twinkacetti gushes.
Larry hands Duke the money. "You might want to go out and shag a few,
uh . . . if you're in the mood." "Yeah, sure," Duke says,
going onto the field. "Hope he's worth the fifty bucks," Larry
mumbles to himself as he sits back on the bench and makes some notes on his
clipboard. Balki hurries toward the bleachers wearing a jacket. He
jumps over the bench Larry is sitting on and Larry stands up in
frustration. "Balki, where have you been?" "Getting
this!" Balki announces as he pulls open the jacket to reveal he's wearing a
Ritz Discount Royals baseball uniform. He turns around to show Larry that
the back reads "Balki" and his number is 1.
"Pretty sharp, huh? Now I look
like a real American baseball player. Cost a lot of digdas but it's worth
it." "Oh, I wish you hadn't 
done
that," Larry sighs, "The game is about to start. Everybody over
here!" Larry stands on the bench as the team gathers around
him. "All right now . . . I don't have to tell ya how much this game
means . . . but I will anyway. It means a lot! Now get out there and
win it! If not for yourselves . . . then for me! Now go! Get
out there!" The team excitedly hurries to the field with Balki
following along. "Balki, not you," Larry calls, "Uh, you
won't be starting the game." "I won't?" Balki asks.
"No," Larry answers. "Why no?" "Well, uh .
. . baseball is a game of strategy as well as skill," Larry explains,
"and I've given it a lot of thought and I've come to the conclusion that
you are just too important to the team to be wasted playing the whole
game." "You mean, I'm like a . . . a secret weapon?" Balki
asks. "Right, right . . . right!" Larry replies,
"Yes! Right, exactly. You are my secret weapon. And when
the time is right I'll unload my secret weapon and they won't know what hit
them." "Cousin, you are a genius! When will be the right
time for you to unload me?" "Uh, mmm . . . uh . . . I'll let you
know," Larry promises. "All right," Balki smiles,
"I'll be waiting."
"Play ball!" the umpire calls
after brushing off home plate, and the game begins. We see a montage of
events during the course of the game: a Spartans player gets a hit and Larry reacts with frustration; Balki
takes a bat and tries to go to the plate but Larry 
stops him; Larry has an
argument with the umpire during which he throws down his cap and kicks dirt on
the umpire’s
shoes; a Royals player strikes out; a Spartans player slides into home just
under Duke's catch for
another point. We see the scoreboard and the Spartans are beating the
Royals 4 to 3. Mary Anne is at bat. She swings wide at a pitch and
misses by a mile. "All right, all right, don't try to kill the
ball," Larry instructs her from the bench, "There's only one
out. Scheinwald is on first. All you want to do is move him into
scoring position. That's all you have to . . . " Mary Anne is
looking over her shoulder at Larry and the pitcher throws the ball right past
her. "Strike three, you're out!" the umpire calls.
"Why is she looking at me?" Larry says with frustration. Balki
slides down the bench closer to Larry. "Cousin, I couldn't help
noticing that it's the bottom of the ninth. When are you going to unload
your secret weapon?" Mary Anne sits down dejectedly at the end of the
bench. "Darn, I don't believe it," she sighs. "It's
all right, it's all right," Larry assures her, reaching over to pat her
knee. "No, it isn't, I broke a nail!" she says.
Duke Lyle gets up to go to bat.
"We still have a chance," Larry smiles, "Duke is up!"
"Time out, please!" Balki calls to the umpire. "You don't
call time out. I call time out," Larry points out, then calls,
"Time!" to the umpire as he and Balki both stand. "Time is 
out,"
the umpire announces. "What is it?" Larry asks Balki.
"You're not going to put me up, are you?" Balki asks sadly.
"Balki, we are down to our last out," Larry explains. "But
you promised," Balki reminds him. "I know I promised,"
Larry acknowledges, but shrugs. "But . . . I wrote home," Balki
says on the verge of tears. "Oh, shhhhhh . . . shoot!" Larry
curses, "Balki, look. If we don't score now we lose the
championship. You understand that, don't you?" "Yes, I
understand," Balki nods. "You do?" Larry asks.
"Yes. I understand that a trophy is more important than
friend." "Ooh," Larry moans painfully, "Ooh, ooh . . .
now that is unfair. That is really unfair. I am not a selfish
person. I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing this for . . . for . .
. for . . . I'm doing this for me." Mr. Twinkacetti climbs
over the bleachers from the back. "Hey, hey! What's going on
here? Why isn't Duke at bat?" "Balki wanted to play,"
Larry explains. "If you let the turnip play, we lose the championship
and I got a lot of money riding on this game!" Twinkacetti snarls.
"Well, maybe you shouldn't have bet on the game to begin with!" Larry
points out.
Twinkacetti tries another angle.
"If we lose the game, we lose the championship, which means you lose the
trophy. You'll be a loser all your life!" The umpire approaches
Larry. "Appleton, send in a batter or you'll forfeit the
game." "Appleton," Twinkacetti 
growls.
"Cousin?" Balki asks hopefully. Larry thinks a moment and then
decides, "Balki . . . you're up!" Balki hugs Larry then walks
over to Duke and takes his bat, saying, "I'll take that."
"Loser! Loser! Loser!" Twinkacetti mocks Larry.
Larry hurries to the plate where Balki is standing, ready to bat.
"All right, Balki, you have got to get on base. Here . . . stand here
. . . feet wide apart, elbow in, chin down, keep your eye on the ball . . . use
the big end of the bat!" Balki turns the bat around and says,
"Gosh, it's almost like cheating." The umpire steps to them and
says, "One of you two has got to leave." "I guess that
would be me," Larry says, stepping back and sitting on the bench
again. "Balki, you can do it! Just relax . . . just try to meet
the ball," Larry instructs. The pitcher throws and the ball sails
past Balki without him making a move. "Strike one!" the umpire
calls. "I wasn't ready," Balki explains to Larry.
"Well, get ready!" Larry suggests urgently.
A second pitch sails over the plate and
again Balki doesn't swing. "Strike two!" the umpire calls.
"What are you doing? What are you doing?" Larry cries.
"I didn't like that one," Balki answers. "Well, you only
get three!" Larry reminds him. "Three?" Balki 
asks,
"Oh right, it's four balls! I get that mixed up."
"Three strikes and you're out," Larry warns. "Should I hit
this one?" Balki asks. "Yes! Dear God, yes!" Larry
cries. Balki readies himself. The film switches to slow motion as
dramatic music plays. The pitcher throws an underhand ball. Balki
tenses, then swings. He connects with the ball, which sails clear past the
outfield. Everyone in the stands is stunned as they watch the flight of
the ball. "Will you look at that?" Larry gasps in
amazement. "I hit it! I hit it!" Balki exclaims with
amazement. "Run! Run!" Larry urges. Balki starts to
run toward third base. "No, the other way, the other way, Balki!"
Larry calls as Balki reverses his direction, "Now take a left! Take a
left! Yes! Go! All the way! All the way!" The
crowd is on their feet, cheering. "Why is he sliding in every
base?" Mr. Twinkacetti asks. "'Cause he likes to! You got
a problem with that?" Larry asks as Scheinwald crosses home plate.
Balki slides into home and the team rushes over to congratulate him. Larry
gives him a big hug.
Back
at the apartment, Balki and Larry enter. Larry is holding his trophy in
his hand, looking down at it. "Look at
this . . . it’s a
cheap piece of plastic on an imitation wood base," Larry says, then adds,
"It’s beautiful.
But I almost let it ruin our friendship. I'm sorry, Balki."
"You don't have to apologize," Balki assures him, "You realized
that a trophy is not as important as our friendship." Larry walks to
the fireplace mantel as Balki closes the door. "I did the right
thing, didn't I?" Larry asks. "You bet you did," Balki
agrees. "You
know, the best part is, I did the right thing . . . and we won anyway!"
Larry gleams. He makes space for the trophy on the mantel. He then
turns the light on above it and admires it. "Boy, you hit that ball a
mile," Larry remarks to Balki. "Oh, well I knew I could hit the
ball," Balki says, "At home I was always very good at hok pok
ponk pa konk konk."
"What
is hok pok
ponk pa konk konk?" Larry asks. Balki eyes him with surprise and
says, "Very good! Eh, it means the game where you hit rocks with a
stick." "How do you play?" Larry asks. "You hit
rocks with a stick," Balki answers, "I always felt there was something
missing from the game." Larry looks at his trophy again and reads the
inscription. "'West Side League Champions.' Thanks for helping
me win this, buddy." "And thank you for helping me win
this," Balki says, reaching into the equipment bag behind them.
"Hmmm?" Larry hums. Balki places a gigantic trophy on the mantel
next to Larry's little one. "Most Valuable Player," Balki
explains. Larry eyes the two trophies for a moment, then reaches up and
turns off the light above his.
Script Variations:
There are some notable differences between the shooting script dated September
9, 1986 and the aired episode:
- In this script after chanting "We’re
number one!" Balki asks everyone to give him the Mypos cheer, which they
do. It’s not specified what exactly this might be (if you watch the
episode you can see a slightly odd edit right before Larry asks to be put down
where this cheer might have been filmed but cut).
- After Larry grabs Balki’s shirt and Balki
comments that Slugger has chest hair the line "Come to think of it . . . so
do I" is not in the script.
- Balki’s monologue about the game of baseball
includes some lines not in the final episode. "You know, on Mypos we
always heard about the great American game of baseball . . . And when I
finally came to America I turned on the TV and I saw a picture that will stay
with me forever. There were thousands of people cheering. And do you
know what they were cheering for?" Larry guesses,
"Baseball?" "Yes. And I thought: These men must be
very important to be allowed to play a game so many people love. But do
you know what you taught me?" Larry says, "No. What did I
teach you?" "You taught me that in this wonderful country you
don’t have to be important to play baseball. Even a common man like me
can go in front of that crowd and be a hero." The dialogue continues
with Balki saying he’ll be the first Mypiot to play the game as seen in the
episode.
- The opening lines at the ball game are from
Jennifer and Mary Anne who approach Larry. Jennifer says "My arm
feels great, Larry. I think we can win this one." (What this
refers to I have no idea, unless there was some kind of dialogue about this in
an earlier version of the script). Mary Anne adds "Win? We’re
gonna blow these suckers out of the water. Does anybody have an emery
board?" One of the players then hands her an emery board.
- After Duke heads out to the field to warm up
Larry stops Twinkacetti. "Can I talk to you for a minute? Well,
I think you should know that I sort of promised Balki that he could play
today." Mr. Twinkacetti counters with "Appleton, I have a bundle
bet on this game, but I’m not an unreasonable man. If we’re up by at
least twelve and the Spartans’ pitcher has a heart attack, maybe."
After Twinkie leaves Larry says "Could happen."
- After Balki reveals the uniform he bought he says
"Cousin Larry, did you bring a camera? I want to send a picture
of us to Mypos. Otherwise they’ll never believe I was playing the best game
ever invented with the best friend I ever had."
- The montage sequence is described a little
differently:
TO BE SHOT ON STAGE:
1. Jennifer gets a hit. Larry and Balki cheer.
2. A Spartans strike out. Larry and Balki cheer.
3. Balki starts for the outfield, Larry stops him.
4. Balki posts the score in the third inning. Spartans 1, Royals 1.
5. Duke gets a hit.
6. A Royal strikes out. Larry argues with the umpire. He turns his
cap around so he can get closer to his face. He kicks dirt on the umpire’s
shoes.
7. Balki posts the score at the bottom of the sixth inning, 3 to 3.
8. Balki comes up to Larry holding a bat, Larry shakes his head, "No."
9. A Spartan scores. Larry buries his head in his hands.
10. Balki posts the score in the middle of the ninth inning. Spartans 4,
Royals 3.
- After Larry decides to let Balki play and follows
him to the plate he says "Balki, you’ve got to get on base. One
sure way is to let the pitcher hit you with the ball." Balki looks
hurt so Larry adds, "Forget I said that." Later from the bench
Twinkacetti yells out "Let it hit you! Let it hit you!"
- After Larry comments that Balki hit the ball a
mile Balki says "I wish I could have found it. I wanted to send it
back to Mypos."
- The end scene is quite different. After
Balki puts his trophy on the mantel next to Larry’s he asks "What’s
MVP?" (reading it like a word). "That’s M.V.P.," Larry
explains. "Most Valuable Player." Larry then takes his
trophy off the mantel. "You know, I think I’ll put this in my room
where I can see it all the time." Balki realizes his trophy is so
much bigger than Larry’s, but takes Larry’s trophy and puts it back on the
mantel. "Why don’t you leave your trophy there. I’m going to mail
mine back to Mypos." Larry slides Balki’s trophy a little ways away
from his on the mantel, explaining "It’s casting a shadow."
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