Nielsen Rating: 18.5 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 06 - Happy Birthday, Baby
First Air Date: April 29, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 18.5 HH
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Chip Keyes & Doug Keyes
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Ernie Sabella: Mr. Twinkacetti
Lise Cutter: Susan Campbell
Guest Cast:
Georgia Harrell: Tina
Karl Johnson: Snake
Greg Finley: Officer Finley
Vinny Argiro: Lou
Harry Woolf: Max
Pat Cranshaw: Street Person
Anthony Grumbach: Delivery Man
Myra Turley: Sandra
Dimitri Appearances: Dimitri appears in
the second half, sleeping with Balki when Larry awakens him at 2:00 a.m. Larry
later asks to borrow Dimitri to take to bed with him as a comfort to his misery.
Balki-isms:
"Boy, somebody got up on the wrong
side of the flock."
"What is this? Dr. Jekyll and Mr.
Heckle?"
"Now you go mix and mangle."
Don’t be ridiculous: Said once.
Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Don’t you ever, EVER, do that
again!"
Other running jokes used in this episode:
The Dance of Joy
Larry goes for the Maalox in this episode, but with a spoon (although he doesn't
necessarily use it . . . see script variations below)
Slapping one another lightly, building into pushing or grabbing one another
Songs: "Happy Birthday to You" - sung by the late night party guests
Interesting facts:
- The title
"Happy Birthday, Baby" is a line from the late 50's, early 60's pop
song, Happy Happy Birthday Baby.
- The line in which Balki says "Dr.
Jekyll and Mr. Heckle?" (instead of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of literary
fame) refers to two popular Terrytoons characters, a pair of crows named Heckle
and Jeckle who were popular from the late 40's to the mid-60's.
- This episode marks the first time Balki
and Larry would do the Dance of Joy together completely and in reaction to some
good news.
- This is the only time the Myposian
tradition of giving other people presents on your birthday is mentioned.
- This was the first, and last, appearance
of the character Tina.
- On the Happy Birthday sign which Balki
has apparently spray painted at the last minute he has spelled Larry’s name
"Lary," which is closer to the way he actually pronounces it.
- We learn in this episode that Mypos has
a 7-11.
- On this birthday Larry turns 24. Balki
would celebrate his 25th birthday in the fourth season episode Wedding
Belle Blues, indicating that while close in age Balki is the younger
of the two.
- After Balki pretends to having something in his
nose to cover up the sound of the potato chips crunching under the couch
cushion, he wipes his nose and proceeds to wipe it on his pants leg.
- Many times Bronson commented in
interviews that he would lose it while filming and even giggle noticeably on
film. This is one episode in which this is quite obvious, especially during he
whole "You locked me in the closet!" exchange (this may even be the
incident which got him called on the carpet by the producers).
- The reference Larry makes to Tony Perkins
wearing a house dress and carrying a very large kitchen knife comes from the
classic Alfred Hitchcock film Psycho.
- We also learn that Larry has an Uncle
Leo who owns a nut farm.
- At the end of the detailed and
complicated "party hiding scene" Larry picks up a newspaper, the
headline of which reads, quite appropriately, "Confusion grows."
It's notable that the newspaper happens to be a copy of the Chicago Chronicle,
the paper Larry and Balki would be working for at the start of season three!
- When Larry wants to wake Balki up he
makes the sound of a wolf howling, which scares Balki awake in a moment crying
"Wolf in the flock! Wolf in the flock!" This same joke was originally
used in the unaired pilot episode with Louie Anderson (see our synopsis for that
episode by clicking here).
- Balki's Myposian alphabet blanket seen in the
episode Baby, You Can Drive My Car is seen again here on Balki’s bed.
We can see now that it has numbers as well as letters.
- During the party scene, Balki (or rather Bronson) takes great pains to pull
the confetti out of Larry (or rather Mark's) hair on at least two occasions.
- Harry Woolf, who plays Max the news
stand man in this episode will also appear as the Group Guide in Up a Lazy River, Part One.
- This episode epitomizes the overall
theme of the series better than any so far . . . the idea of having a dream and
working hard to pursue it, not giving up no matter what and also the importance
of supporting your friends and their dreams.
-
It was during the production of this
episode that Mark’s father passed away. Considering how good Mark is in this
particular episode it’s really a credit to his professionalism that he did
such a good job at such a difficult time.
Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- When Larry sits on the couch with his bottle of antacid he has a
spoon. But when he puts the bottle down on the coffee table there is no
sign of the spoon any more!
- When Balki tells Larry he looks miserable and suggests he should lie
down he raises his arms and then lowers them, but when they cut to another
camera angle his arms are up, motioning toward the bedroom.
- When Larry
emerges from his bedroom in the dark he is carrying a trophy to use as
self-defense. But in the future episode The Unnatural Larry bemoans the
fact he has never won a trophy in his life.
Synopsis:
The episode opens in the Ritz Discount
Store. Larry is at the counter working on some bookkeeping while he waits for
the phone to ring. "Why don't they call?" he asks himself,
looking at the phone, then tries to work again. "They said they'd
call!" Finally he's fed up and rips the paper from the adding machine
and says, "I'll tell you why, because nobody ever returns your
calls!" Balki enters from upstairs, carrying a box. Once he puts this down he
moves to pick up the phone but Larry stops him. "What are you
doing?" Larry asks. "Making a phone call," Balki
answers. "Balki, use the phone, I'll
break a bone," Larry threatens. Balki takes his hand off the receiver
and Larry hugs the phone to his chest. "Boy, somebody got up on the
wrong side of the flock!" Balki notes, "What the matter with you
is?" "Nothing the matter with me is!" Larry insists,
"Everything's fine . . . just a little tense. Anxious.
Upset. Irritable. And I certainly didn't get up on the wrong side of
the flock!"
The phone rings. Larry holds the
entire phone up to his ear, saying, "Hello, Ritz . . . " before
realizing his mistake. He puts the phone down and picks up the receiver,
but it is upside down. "Hello?" Larry switches hands and
gets it right. "Hello, Ritz Discount? Yes, this is Larry
Appleton. You're kidding! Great! I'll be there!"
Larry hangs up, now smiling. "This may be the
greatest day of my life!"
"Now you happy?" Balki asks, "What is this? Dr. Jeckyll and
Mr. Heckyll?" Larry gets his jacket from the barber's chair and puts
it on. "Balki, that was the photo editor from the Chicago Weekly
Gazette. You remember that picture I submitted yesterday of the burning
building? Well, they want to print it!" "Cousin Larry,
congratulations!" Balki says happily. "I gotta be there at six
to sign a release and get paid!" Larry continues, "Balki, this is my
first sale!" "Oh Cousin, you a professional picture-taker, it's
your dream come true! Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of
Joy!" Balki begins to do the dance but Larry stops him. "Balki
. . . a photojournalist must maintain a modicum of dignity." Larry
starts to turn away then stops, saying, "Let's boogie!" They do
the Dance of Joy. The three customers in the shop applaud and Balki puts
Larry down, both looking a bit embarrassed. Balki starts taking shirts out
of the box he brought out earlier and putting them on a table.
"I can't believe it," Larry
sighs, "This is a terrific birthday present." "Today is
your birthday?" Balki asks. "Yeah," Larry smiles.
"Happy birthday!" Balki offers. "Thank you."
"What did you get me?" Balki asks excitedly. "Well, I . . .
" Larry begins, then realizes what Balki said, "What d'ya mean, what
did I get you? I'm the one who's supposed to get the presents."
"You're 
supposed
to get the presents?" Balki asks in surprise, then realizes, "You get
presents on your birthday?" "Well, of course, that's an American
birthday tradition," Larry explains, "Haven't you ever heard of
that?" Balki looks uncomfortable, then says, "Of course I have,
don't be ridiculous." After a moment Balki asks sadly, "I
suppose this means you also didn't bake me a cake?" "What can I
say?" Larry asks, "I'm scum." "Well, it's all right, I
forgive you because I'm so happy for you," Balki smiles, then asks,
"Why you didn't tell me it's our birthday?" "I don't know,
I guess I just wasn't in the mood to celebrate this year. But things are
looking up!" Larry holds his hands out as if imagining a
credit. "Photo by Larry Appleton." Mr. Twinkacetti enters
the store. "Well, look here!" he announces, "If it isn't
Tweedledum . . . and Tweedledumber." "Mr. Twinkacetti, good
news!" Balki begins, "Cousin Larry sold a photograph! It's his
dream come true!" "Wise up, Appleton," Mr. Twinkacetti
sneers, "You're gonna grow old and gray busting your butt for me right here
until you die. Grim, isn't it?" Mr. Twinkacetti shakes his head
and walks away.
"Not even Twinkacetti can spoil
this," Larry insists, "Well, I better leave." Larry goes
behind the counter to get his camera bag. "Well, you got one
hour," Balki points out. "Well, Balki, what if there's a traffic
jam?" Larry asks, "What if the elevator gets stuck 
between
floors? What if the building burns down?" "What if a giant
prehistoric monster crawls out of Lake Michigan and eats Chicago?" Balki
asks facetiously. "You're right! I'd better get a move
on!" Larry agrees, and heads to the front door. He reaches it just as
Susan and Tina are entering. "Hi, Larry," Susan says.
"Sorry! No time! Gotta run!" Larry says, racing out the
door past them. He then stops and comes back for a second, explaining,
"I sold a picture!" "That's great!" Tina says.
"Wow! Fabulous!" Susan adds as Larry runs back out the
door. The girls walk over to where Balki is working. "Hi, Susan
. . . Tina," he offers. They say hi. "He's excited and he
should be," Balki continues, "Not only he sold a photograph but it's
his birthday." "Oh! Let's throw him a surprise birthday
party!" Susan suggests. "Oh, good idea," Balki agrees,
"When. Don't tell me!" Susan looks taken aback.
"I want it to be a surprise," Balki explains excitedly.
That night, Balki, Tina and Susan are in
the apartment preparing the party. Balki finishes putting up a makeshift,
spray-painted 
banner
which reads "Happy Birthday, Cousin Lary." "Okay, we put
all the food there . . . " Balki indicates the coffee table.
" . . . and we put the balloons here . . . " He motions to the
end table. " . . . and . . . what this?" He picks up a
blowout party favor from a box of favors and blows into it, the paper blowing
out with a noise. "Isn't that something?" he asks with
amazement, "Only in America!
You know in Mypos to do that we had to squeeze a frog." Tina checks
out the window and cries, "It's Larry!" "Oh, he's
early!" Susan cries, looking out the window as well, "What do we
do?" "Okay, okay," Balki says, taking charge, "You go
downstairs and head everybody off. I'll hide the party stuff and that way
we all surprise him at the same moment." The girls run out the
door. Balki frantically starts to hide all the party things. He puts
the punch bowl in the refrigerator. He picks up a bowl of peanuts and
empties it into his pants' pocket. He grabs the bags of potato chips from
the table and hurriedly stuffs them under the left cushion of the couch.
At this moment Larry walks in the door,
not looking happy. "Cousin, how did it go at the newspaper?"
Balki asks after Larry has set his camera bag down on a chair. "Oh
fine, everything's fine!" Larry says sarcastically, walking underneath the
birthday 
banner
but not seeing it, "They liked me! They loved my photograph.
Oh, it went great! Everything's fine. Fine, fine, fine."
While Larry is complaining, Balki reaches up and manages to pull down the banner
without Larry noticing. Larry goes to the refrigerator and takes out his
Maalox without really looking inside, then grabs a spoon. "I sense
you have left out some small but important detail," Balki notes, tossing
the banner into the refrigerator and closing the door. "Oh yeah, did
I forget to mention that the jerks didn't want to buy my photograph after
all?" Larry walks to the couch as Balki manages to grab the box of
party favors from the end table and hide them behind the couch. "Oh
Cousin, that's terrible! Why not?" Larry is about to sit on the
left side of the couch but Balki manages to push him as he's sitting so that he
lands on the right side instead. "Well, at the last minute they
decided to use a picture taken by some other guy." "Oh,"
Balki sighs sympathetically. "And get this . . . the guy just happens
to live next door to the publisher's barber," Larry notes, "Talk about
your nepotism." "Well, I'd love to talk about my nepotism but I
don't know what that is," Balki confesses.
"You know what they used?" Larry
scoffs, "The oldest cliche in the book . . . a baby being rescued from the
burning building. News value. The baby wasn't even that
cute." "Oh, Cousin, you must be so disappointed," Balki
sighs. "Well, another birthday, 
another
banner year of failure with a capital F for Larry Appleton," Larry sighs,
taking off his jacket and walking to the closet, "Huh! Well, that's
it. No more. Me, a photojournalist. It's time I realized my
limitations." He tosses his jacket toward the hook on the closet door
but it misses and falls to the floor. Larry puts a hand to his head in
frustration. "Cousin, you just didn't sell one picture," Balki
points out. "No, it's not just the one picture," Larry explains,
walking back to the couch, "Don't you see the significance of this? I
may as well throw my master plan right out the window." "No, no,
you don't throw your master plan right out the window," Balki argues, then
asks, "What is a master plan?" "Don't they have anything on
Mypos besides sheep?" Larry asks. "Well, we got a 7/11,"
Balki answers. They sit down on the couch, Larry sitting on the right side
and Balki sitting on the left cushion which crushes the bags of potato chips
with a loud noise. Larry looks at Balki with confusion and Balki starts
blowing his noise, pretending that was the noise Larry heard.
"See, my master plan is a schedule of
how I want to achieve my goal in life," Larry explains. "Oh, and
at twenty-four you were supposed to sell a photograph," Balki notes.
"At twenty-four I was supposed to win a Pulitzer Prize," Larry
corrects, "I was supposed to sell my first photograph when I was
sixteen." "Well, Cousin, call me cuckoo but instead of giving up
on life why you 
don't
just change your plan, give yourself more time?" "Oh,
sure! Sure!" Larry says, "And then what do I do the next
year? And the year after that? Before you know it I'm an eighty-five
year old aspiring photojournalist." Larry leans back on the couch and
Balki shifts his weight, trying not to make any more noise than possible with
the chips crackling beneath him. "Well, I guess the way you feel what
would make you feel a little better would be to have a nice dinner with some
friends or maybe . . . a party?" "A party?" Larry asks with
disgust, "Are you nuts? I don't even want to hear the word
birthday." Larry tosses a pillow from the couch to the chair but
misses. "Spend an evening with a roomful of people saying 'Hi!
How's it goin', Larry? Whatever happened to the ol' master plan?'
That's all I need! Thank God I didn't tell anyone else it's my
birthday." Balki looks worried. He looks even more worried when
there is a knock at the door. "This could get ugly," Balki
sighs.
Act two picks begins where act one left
off. The person outside the door knocks again. "I'll get
it," Larry says, getting up from the couch. "No, no,
Cousin," Balki says, getting up as well and hurrying around the opposite
side to reach the door first, "I'll take 
care
of this." Balki opens the door quickly and shouts "Go
away!" to the party goers outside before slamming the door shut again as
Larry reaches it. Someone has blown a blowout party favor through the
doorway and it gets stuck in the door. "Took care of that,"
Balki states. The person on the other side of the door pulls the party
favor back through the crack before Larry can see it. "Cousin, you
look miserable," Balki sighs, "Why don't you go lie down?"
"Well, I might as well get some sleep now," Larry sighs, "Just
hope my tears don't short-circuit the electric blanket." Larry starts
back to his bedroom and Balki opens the front door, waving frantically at the
group outside to go away. Larry returns to the front door which Balki
slams shut again. "I can't sleep," Larry says, "I'm
hungry." "Well, what about some peanuts?" Balki asks,
reaching into his pants' pocket to pull out a handful which he gives to
Larry. "Thanks," Larry says, then thinks about this.
"Why have you got peanuts in that pocket?" "Because I have
a squirrel in this one," Balki answers, motioning to the pocket on the
other side. "Why did I ask?" Larry wonders.
Larry heads toward the closet to pick up
his jacket and put it away. "Cousin," Balki says, "Cousin,
Cousin . . . don't do that!" "I'm just gonna hang up my
coat," Larry explains, opening the closet door. While his back is
turned to the closet, a large amount of 
helium-filled
balloons come out and fly up to the ceiling without Larry noticing. Larry
turns to put his jacket away and Balki pushes him roughly into the closet,
grabbing the chair from the nearby desk to put under the doorknob so Larry can't
get out. Larry calls out Balki's name from inside the closet, but Balki
runs to the front door and opens it but blocks everyone's entrance.
"No, no! You can't come in!" "Balki, you invited us,
remember?" Tina reminds him. "Please," Balki cries,
"I've got Cousin Larry locked in the closet. There's no party!
I made a big mistake! Stupid Balki! Now go away!" Balki
closes the door and then walks back to the closet where Larry is pounding on the
door. Balki removes the chair and grabs the doorknob, bracing himself and
stepping away as he opens the door and Larry rushes out in a furious
frenzy. Larry eyes Balki angrily. "Don't you ever . . . ever
do that again!" Larry snarls. "Do what?" Balki asks
innocently. "You locked me in the closet!" Larry points
out. "No, I didn't," Balki argues. "What do you mean
you didn't?" Larry cries in disbelief, "You shoved me in the closet
and you locked the door!" "No way," Balki emphatically
insists, "Uh uh!"
"What do you mean no way?" Larry
asks, "I am not crazy!" Balki holds out his hand and turns it to
indicate "maybe a little" as he says, "Well, you get a little . .
. " Larry slaps Balki's hand down and Balki, in turn, slaps Larry's
stomach. Larry grabs Balki by the 
shirt
in earnest, losing it. "I suppose you're going to tell me there was
no one at the door!" "What door?" Balki asks. "That
door! That closet!" Larry shouts. "I don't know
what you're talking about," Balki says. "Okay, okay fine!"
Larry gives up, "You didn't lock me in the closet. There was no one
at the door. We're not having this conversation. This whole day has
been part of some cosmic cruelty joke! Ha ha, fine!" Larry
walks past Balki then stops, turning as he says, "Oh! If Tony Perkins
shows up wearing a house dress and carrying a very large kitchen knife . . .
tell him I'm in the shower!" Larry storms off to his bedroom.
The telephone rings. Balki picks it up and answers, "Hello? Oh,
hello, Larry's mommy! How are you? Oh, you want to wish him a happy
birthday?" Balki looks worriedly toward the bathroom.
"Well, you don't want to do that. Why? He can't talk to
you. Why? Because he lost his voice and that's that."
After a moment, Balki says, "Oh, I suppose he can just listen. All
right, one moment." Balki motions to no one and says, "Cousin
Larry, come over here." He then holds the receiver down toward his
feet as he taps his toes as if someone is approaching.
"Here he is," Balki tells
Larry's mom, "Go ahead." Balki holds the phone out in front of
him and wait. He listens briefly, realizes she is still talking, and holds
it out again. Finally he asks, "Are you done? Well, I don't
know what you said, honey, but he's 
wearing
a big happy face! Yes, he is, and I said . . . " Larry comes
out of his bedroom wearing a robe and Balki shouts, "All the best!"
into the receiver and hangs up quickly. "Most utterly miserable day
of my entire miserable life," Larry complains, walking into the bathroom
and slamming the door. There is a knock at the door and Balki opens it to
reveal a man holding a pink cake box. "You order a birthday
cake?" the man asks. "Oh please," Balki begs, trying to
close the door, "Party's over." The man catches the door and
steps inside, crying, "Oh, hey hey hey! You paid for it, you take
it!" The man hands Balki the box and closes the door behind
him. Balki opens the box to look inside as he heads for the kitchen.
At that moment the bathroom door opens and Balki turns his back to hide the cake
from Larry, who is wearing a shower cap and has a towel over his shoulder.
"Of course! No hot water!" Larry complains, throwing the towel
and shower cap aside, "Why should I expect hot water?"
Balki has set the cake box on the table
and hurries to open one of the windows. He runs back to the cake box to
get the cake as 
Larry
continues to complain. "I should have gone into motel
management. Or nut farming with my Uncle Leo." Balki rushes to
the window with the cake, not realizing the window has slowly dropped back
shut. Balki hurls the cake at the window and it hits the glass with a loud
splat! Larry is heading for the living room, crying, "But no!
No, I had to be a photojournalist!" Balki desperately tries to use a
framed picture to wipe the cake and frosting from the window. Finally he
turns around with his back to the window and spreads his arms in an attempt to
cover it from Larry, who has walked to the coffee table and picked up a
newspaper. "Wel, I tell ya, it's time for action," Larry
continues, "Where are the want ads? It's time I faced reality!
You know, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me." Larry
pauses and looks at Balki, who is still spread across the window. Larry
smiles and notes, "I like that shirt!" Larry walks back to his
room, leaving Balki looking at his shirt, exhausted.
Late that night, Balki is sleeping on the
sofa bed, holding Dimitri. Larry walks out his bedroom, turning on the
lights. "This is 
typical,
this is so typical!" Larry complains, "I am suffering a personal
crisis of major proportion and you are off in dreamland with a stuffed
sheep." Balki doesn't stir. "Balki. Balki?
Balki!" Larry calls, pushing on the mattress. Still Balki doesn't
awaken. Larry thinks a moment, then raises a hand to his mouth and lets
out a low howl. Balki is immediately awake, crying, "Wolf in the
flock! Wolf in the flock!" After a moment, Balki looks up at
Larry. "Nightmare?" Larry asks. "Don't do that,"
Balki scolds. "Balki, how can you sleep at a time like this?"
Larry cries. Balki looks over at the clock and notes, "It's two
a.m." "I've spent five hours coming to a realization,"
Larry sighs, "I'm a failure. The only job I'm actually qualified for
is clerk in a discount store." "Well good news, you've got that
job already," Balki says, reaching over and grabbing the clock to show
Larry, "Have you noticed the time?" "Yes, I've noticed the
time," Larry sighs, "I'm twenty-four. Time ran out at
midnight."
"Oh Cousin, you're being too hard on
yourself," Balki says. "I'm a loser in life," Larry
continues, "And the proof is that nobody even bothered to acknowledge my
birthday." Balki's eyes open wide with surprise. "But you
said you don't want anyone to even 
say
birthday!" "Sure I said it, I didn't mean it," Larry
explains. This is news to Balki. "Yes, you did!" he
insists. "No, I didn't," Larry confirms. "Well, you
fooled me, buddy," Balki notes. "No one acknowledged my
birthday. Not Tina, not Susan, not even my mom. I thought at least
my mom liked me. Even you, my best friend, didn't go to the trouble of
getting a simple card to say 'Happy Birthday, Cousin Larry. You may be a
failure in every other area of your life but at least you have one
friend.'" "No, Cousin, now wait a minute!" Balki
protests. "Balki, too little, too late," Larry stops him,
"It doesn't matter now. My birthday's over. Did anybody
notice? Nooooo!" Larry gets up and walks around to the back of
the couch, then stops. "Balki, uh . . . do you . . . do you think I
might, uh . . . be able to, uh . . . borrow your, uh . . . " Balki
picks up Dimitri and hands him to Larry. Larry hugs the toy and says,
"Thanks. I'm pathetic." Larry walks slowly back his
bedroom, shutting off the lights behind him. Balki sits in bed in the
dark, thinking.
Even later, the apartment is still
dark. Balki is standing at the edge of the kitchen and drops a large tin
on the floor, making a loud noise. He looks to see if Larry has
heard. He picks up the tin and drops it again. This time the door to
Larry's room opens and Balki grabs the tin and ducks out of sight. Larry
slowly walks out into the hallway, holding a trophy as a weapon. "Balki?"
Larry calls in a voice just above a whisper. When there is no answer, he
ventures out further, calling again, "Balki is that you?" The 
lights
suddenly come on and a bunch of people around the apartment jump up and throw
confetti, yelling, "Surprise!" Larry is shocked.
"Surprise? What . . . a surprise burglary??" Balki has
sneaked up behind Larry and jumps forward saying, "No, Cousin!"
Larry screams in shock and Balki screams as well. "No, it's a
surprise birthday party!" Balki explains. "Happy birthday!"
everyone calls. "I just . . . it's three in the morning!" Larry
stammers, "Ah! I don't believe it! Aw, you really . . .
" He laughs as he looks around at the different faces, "you, you
shouldn't have, uh . . . who are you people?" "This is Max from
the news stand near the bus stop," Balki introduces the man to his
left. Max shakes Larry's hand, explaining, "Can't stay long,
pal. I gotta get downstairs for the night owl edition."
"Well, glad you could make it, uh . . . Max," Larry offers.
Balki moves to the policeman on the other side of Larry. "This is
Officer Finley." "Yo!" Officer Finley says, giving Larry a
thumbs up. "Hi," Larry greets him. Balki leads Larry to
the couch where a woman is crouching. "And this is Sandra from the
donut shop," Balki explains as she stands up. "Hi, hi,"
Larry says, shaking her hand, "Uh, could you folks excuse us for just a
minute."
Larry turns to Balki and says, "Balki,
I don't know these people!" "Well, I invite them to your
birthday party," Balki explains, "Now tell me the truth . . . are you
really surprised?" "Stunned," Larry answers. Balki is
thrilled. "You were so sad that I decide to call 
up
all of our friends and invite them to your party." "At three
a.m.?" Larry asks. "That's what they said!" Balki notes,
"So I had to go out and invite Sandra and Max and the others because it's
not a party if nobody comes. Now you go mix and mangle." Balki
turns Larry around as an elderly, and obviously intoxicated, older gentlemen
approaches with a bottle of wine. "Say . . . you guys got a
corkscrew?" he asks. "Top drawer, next to the sink," Larry
forces a smile. "Thanks," the man says, and goes to the
kitchen. "Who is that?" Larry asks. "Well, I think it
must be a friend of Lou's," Balki answers. "Oh," Larry
says, then asks, "Who's Lou?" A huge man with a snake tattoo on
his arm grabs Larry's shoulder. "Hey," he says, "Happy
birthday, guy." "Oh, uh, thank you," Larry says, shaking
his hand, then ventures, "uh . . . Lou?" "Snake," the
man corrects. "Snake," Larry repeats. "Yeah. I
was over at the donut shop and, uh . . . what's his name came in. Hey, you
are one lucky dude to have him as your friend." "Well, not a day
goes by I don't ask myself what I did to deserve him," Larry smiles.
Balki is touched and says, "You don't mean that." "Oh, yes
I do," Larry assures him.
Everyone approaches them. "It's
your birthday, is it?" Sandra asks. "Yes," Larry
confirms. "Lou told me," Sandra says, pulling a gold box from
behind her back, "Here ya go!" She and the others encourage
Larry to open it. "Oh oh, no no, this is really . . . "
Larry opens the box and looks inside. "Oh! Crullers!
Crullers, how did you know?" "I didn't," Sandra answers,
"It's just one of 
those
gifts that can't miss." "Why don't you make a speech,
Cousin?" Balki encourages him. Everyone agrees. Larry shakes
his head but then a man insists, "Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, say somethin'."
"Who are you?" Larry asks. "I'm Lou!" the man
answers. "Oh, you're Lou!" Larry exclaims, shaking the man's
hand, "Well, I have heard so much about you." "Speech,
speech!" everyone reminds him. "Oh gosh, uh . . . well, I, I . .
. I hardly know what to say," Larry begins, "Uh, well . . . I'm just
touched and moved that you all went to all this trouble . . . Max and Snake . .
. Sandra . . . well, what can I say? Everybody . . . you're the
best. And I just want you to know that it's times like this that a man
realizes who his friends are. So, I just wanna say thank you and I'll
never forget this birthday as long as I live." Everyone
applauds. "Excuse me, sir," Officer Finley interrupts, "me
and Lou, we gotta run. I'm sorry." "You're sorry?"
Lou asks, and he lifts his arm to show he and the officer are handcuffed
together. "Bye, bye!" Officer Finley offers as they head to the
door, "Happy birthday!" Everyone wishes them goodbye.
Balki calls from the kitchen, "Everybody start singing!" They
all start singing happy birthday, then get to the third line and sing,
"Happy birthday dear . . . . " After a pause Larry says,
"Larry." " . . . Larry!" everyone sings, "Happy
birthday to you!" Balki comes from the kitchen with a cupcake with a
lit candle in it and sets it down on the television. "All right, here
we go!" Larry says, and he blows out the candle as everyone applauds.
It is dawn and the party is over.
Balki is dressed in pajamas again and folds down the sheets on his bed. He
walks behind the couch and Larry meets him there. "You know, Balki,
believe it or not . . . that was one of the best birthday's I've ever
had." "Oh, now you see you're not a failure because you have
friends," Balki offers. "Thank you, Balki. That was one of
the nicest things anybody's ever done for me." "Oh, Cousin, I
throw it together at the last minute . . . twice," Balki says.
"You know, I learned 
something
else tonight," Larry continues, "I can't give up my dream of becoming
a photojournalist." "Why not?" Balki asks.
"Well, for one thing, it's the only dream I've got," Larry answers,
"But who was it that said 'You can't set your watch by a dream. They
operate on schedules all their own?'" "I said that," Balki
replies, handing Larry a card from the end table, "I wrote on your birthday
card." "I knew it was somebody important," Larry smiles,
"Thanks, Balki . . . for the party and for helping me keep my dream
alive." "Well, Cousin, that's what friends do," Balki
comments. He starts getting into bed and says, "Good
night." "Good night," Larry offers, and walks back into his
bedroom. Larry starts to shut his bedroom door when the bathroom door
opens and the elderly wino steps out and calls, "I think we're out of
ice!" Larry comes out of his room and Balki looks up over the back of
the couch as they share a look and the episode ends.
Script Variations:
There are a few slight
variations from the Final Draft script dated April 17, 1986 and what was filmed
and used on April 18th:
- Instead
of Balki saying someone has "got up on the wrong side of the flock" he
says "somebody's Mr. Grumpy-puss."
- In
this version before they do the Dance of Joy Larry puts on his coat. When
Balki points out he has an hour yet Larry answers "I don't want to waste
time buttoning later."
- This
script indicates that while Larry takes a spoon for his Maalox he fills it and
then proceeds drinks all the Maalox out of the bottle, then swallows the
spoonful as well! Since we never actually see Larry drink any Maalox in
the aired episode it's hard to know if the scene was filmed this way or not.
- In
this script when Larry asks Balki is they have anything in Mypos besides sheep
Balki answers "That's about it" instead of "Well, we got a
7-11."
- After
Larry says he was supposed to sell his first photograph at 16 he goes on to say
"I'll admit that was a little ambitious . . . since I didn't get my camera
until I was eighteen."
-
When there is knocking
at the door Larry says "I'll get it. It's that's Goodwill, I've got
some bad news."
- When
Balki's trying to get everyone at the door to leave instead of saying
"Stupid Balki! Go away!" he says "Thanks for coming,
everybody, let's do it again real soon . . . "
- Instead
of throwing the birthday cake into the fallen window pane, Balki misses the
window altogether and throws the cake onto the wall instead.
- There
are a few bits of conversation after Larry wakes Balki up at 2:00 a.m. which are
different than what aired. For instance Larry says "I'm a
failure. A monumental failure. And do you know what?" At
this point Balki answers, "It's two a.m." Larry goes on to say
"I have not lived up to my Master Plan. Ergo, I'm a loser.
Ergo, ergo, everybody knows I'm a loser." A few lines later Balki
says "Aren't you being a little hard on yourself? You've got a whole
lifetime ahead of you. Dreams can come true. It can happen to
you." To which Larry answers "Balki, Balki, you're so
young. The point is, I've realized the ultimate proof I'm a loser.
No one even bothered to acknowledge my birthday."
- Right
before Larry asks for Dimitri he says "Not only am I wash out as a
professional photojournalist, I'm a wash out as a human being. Nobody
likes me."
- The
script specifies that Larry is carrying a bowling trophy when he ventures into
the darkened living room.
- The
show's pivotal quote is different by one word: "You can't set your watch by
a dream. They operate on timetables all their own."
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