Nielsen Rating: 20.0 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 05 - Check This
First Air Date:
April 22, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 20.0 HH
Co-Producer:
James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: William Bickley & Michael Warren
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Ernie Sabella: Mr. Twinkacetti
Lise Cutter: Susan Campbell
Guest Cast:
Belita Moreno: Edwina Twinkacetti
Sam Anderson: Harrison Harper
Steve Witting: Delivery Man
Dimitri Appearances:
Dimitri can be seen lying on the unmade sofa bed during the first scene.
Balki-isms:
Larry: "Intellectually I know I’m overly possessive . . . almost neurotic
about it." Balki: "Erotic? Don’t be ridiculous!"
"I think it’s time I took your back by the horns."
Don’t be ridiculous: Said twice.
Other catchphrases
used in this episode:
"Watch . . . and learn!" (first time)
"Don’t you ever, EVER do that again."
"Where do I come up with them?" (first time)
"Oh po po!"
"We kid around!" (first time)
Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki hugs a total stranger
Larry trying to hang his jacket on the closet door
Songs: "Touch Me in the Morning" - sung by Balki as he takes the plastic off the new furniture.
Notable Moments:
We meet Mrs. Twinkacetti for the first time.
Interesting facts:
- This is the first time Larry instructs Balki to
"Watch . . . and learn!" It’s also the first time, after finding out
afterwards that he didn’t let Balki tell him something important and asks why
Balki didn’t tell him that Balki answers, "I was busy watching . . . and
learning!"
- Balki's alphabet blanket can be seen laying on
the sofabed in the first scene.
- Larry’s bad back, which would feature in future
plots, plays a big part in this episode.
- This episode marks the first appearance of Belita
Moreno as Edwina Twinkacetti, Mr. Twinkacetti’s savvy and strong wife who
rules her sometimes wayward husband with an iron fist.
Belita would appear
several times throughout season two before beginning a new role in the series as
Lydia Markham, the Chicago Chronicle’s advice columnist beginning in season
three.
- Another familiar face is in this episode . . .
Sam Anderson makes a guest appearance as the banker who helps Balki open
his checking account. Sam would also join the series as a regular in season
three as Mr. Gorpley, Balki’s hard-hearted boss in the mailroom at the Chicago
Chronicle.
- The Happy Saver checking account which Mr. Harper
suggests offers a free Freddy the Frog bank. Freddy the Frog was a character on
a popular children’s series called The New Zoo Revue which originally
ran in the 1970's but was syndicated for many years afterwards. Even so, the
reference is still a bit obscure even in 1986.
- Most people associate Balki Claus with the first
and second Christmas episodes but Balki actually uses the name first in this
episode when he brings gifts to Larry and Susan after getting his new checks.
- After Balki gives Larry his apple "for Larry
Apple-ton," he utters his very first "Where do I come up with
them?"
- When Balki holds his checkbook open for the
delivery man to see he has checks, we can see Balki decided to go with the
puppies design.
- Running jokes throughout the series are common
but there are sometimes clever running jokes within episodes as well. When
Twinkacetti claims that men tell lies for each other Larry quips that "some
men in the Nixon White House did those things for one another," to which
Twinkacetti snaps, "You leave my heroes out of this!" Later when Mrs.
Twinkacetti finds the $600 her husband won at the poker game the night before
she says she found it "behind your autographed photo of Gordon Liddy."
G. Gordon Liddy was convicted of burglary in the Watergate scandal that led to
Nixon's resignation.
- The delivery man who brings the furniture
pronounces Balki’s name wrong (he says his last name as Bartoko-mouse). Delivery men mispronouncing Balki’s name (and even Larry’s once) would
become a running joke on the series and in later episodes warm-up comedian
Robert G. Lee would be the one to mangle their names.
- Larry becomes extremely neurotic when he finds
out Balki sold his "lucky rug." This is only one of many
"lucky" items Larry talks about over time.
- When Larry and Balki walk into the Ritz Discount
to buy Larry’s old furniture back they see a woman leaving the store carrying
Larry’s lamp which she’s just bought. This same lamp has been seen
throughout the series so far (the round one with the orange shade). Amazingly
enough this lamp is NOT in the next episode, implying that it really was sold
and they were unable to get it back. But they must have found it again at some
point because the lamp reappears again at the start of season two and is a
staple prop in the cousins’ apartment throughout much of the rest of the series (most
notably it can be seen in the episode Weigh to Go, Buddy when Larry has a
sugar donut sitting on top of it.) There must be a lot of these lamps
around because it would also be broken by Larry when he hits it with a baseball
bat in The Unnatural (yet it would mysteriously return in
subsequent episodes!)
- When Mrs. Twinkacetti enters the Ritz Discount
she tells Balki that she’s heard so much about him. Balki replies, saying
"I have heard so much about you, too, and I don’t believe half of
it." This is the first time Balki accidentally lets slip an insult made by
a third person (in this case Mr. Twinkacetti) in a completely innocent manner.
Balki would do this often in future episodes as well.
- This episode which marks the introduction of Mrs.
Twinkacetti also introduces one of the only running lines for Mr. Twinkacetti .
. . he would often say "We kid around!" whenever his wife would make
an accusatory statement about him in front of Balki and Larry.
-
At the end of the original airing of this program there was a caption which read
"This episode is dedicated in loving memory to William Nelson Baker."
It was the week this episode aired that Mark’s father passed away. Finishing
up a whirlwind two months of production, the cast and crew were working on the
next episode Happy Birthday, Baby at the time.
Bloopers and
Inconsistencies:
- Susan exits the Ritz Discount after blowing a
raspberry at Twinkacetti, and once outside she turns to the left. Moments
later she can be seen walking past the opaque glass door at the back of the
store which is marked "Employees Only." If she walked outside of
the store, and this door is marked "Employees Only" from the inside,
how did she get back inside the building to walk behind that door? If it
leads to an inside entrance to the apartment building, why wouldn't she just
walk through that door to begin with? And why would a door that leads to
the entrance of the apartments be marked "Employees Only?" Isn't
it more logical to think it's an office or storeroom? Things that make you
go hmmmmm.
Synopsis:
The episode begins one morning in the apartment. We see Balki doing
aerobic exercises in the living room along with the television set where a
woman's voice is giving instructions to music. Larry emerges sleepily from
his bedroom, looking irritated. Balki moves to his right and then back to
his left, running into Larry who holds his arms out to stop him. "Balki,
don't do that," Larry asks, then moves to turn off the television, saying,
"It would help me if the floor didn't shake before noon."
"Boy, you are grumpy in the morning," Balki complains, still doing arm
exercises. "I'm grumpy all the time," Larry says, "I just
hide it better the rest of the day." Larry watches Balki, who is
flexing his behind in a strange way. "What are you doing?"
"Buttock pinches," Balki explains. Larry eyes the open sofa bed
and says, "Don't forget to fold up the couch. You left it open
yesterday." "I can't," Balki replies. "What do
you mean you can't?" Larry asks, "It's simple!" "No,
it's not so simple, Cousin," Balki argues. "They build these
things so that children can fold them up," Larry insists, moving to the end
of the bed.
"No, no, Cousin," Balki says,
approaching to explain. "Balki!" Larry stops him, "Watch .
. . and learn! Take the little black handle, and as you lift you push
in." "Yes, I know, Cousin," Balki assures him. "Balki!
Watch . . . and learn!" Balki yields to Larry's wishes. Larry
grabs the handle and demonstrates as he says, "You just lift . . . and
push." He pushes, but the bed doesn't move. "Lift . . .
and push," Larry tries again. Still the bed doesn't budge.
Larry becomes more frustrated, trying harder as he continues to 
"Lift
. . . and push." Balki watches this knowingly. "Push . . .
and lift! And li . . . " Larry struggles with the bed, trying
from another angle, and wrenches his back. "Oh! Oh!" Larry
cries. "It's broken," Balki says. "No, I think it's
just a sprain," Larry says, holding his back. "No, I mean the
sofa is broken," Balki explains. Larry shoots him a look.
"Why didn't you tell me that?" Larry asks. "Well, because I
was busy watching and learning," Balki answers. Larry struggles to
move away from the couch. "Oh, poor Cousin," Balki sighs, going
after him, "Here! I know how to fix your back!" Balki
wraps his arms around Larry from behind as Larry tries to maneuver away.
They spin around several times as Larry cries, "No, no! Balki, what
are you doing?" They spin until they end up sitting in a chair, Balki
underneath Larry. "No, no, no, no, no, no!" Larry cries, batting
Balki's hands away. Finally Larry cries, "Balki! No! No,
thank you! I don't need any pagan cures!"
Larry sits on the end of the sofa
bed. "Oh, I could have bought a new couch but nooooo, I had to buy a
used one!" Larry 
complains.
"Well, I'm the one that sleeps there so I buy the new one!"
Balki announces, getting up and moving to the front of the sofa bed. He
lifts up the front end of the mattress, which throws Larry off the bed and into
a crouched position on the floor. Balki gets a leather wallet from under
the mattress then turns around to see Larry. "What did we lose?"
Balki asks, getting down next to Larry on the floor. Larry pulls Balki up
as he sits up himself. "Don't you ever, ever do that
again!" Larry warns. "What?" Balki asks, "I was
getting my money." "You're kidding me," Larry says as he
sits back on the end of the sofa bed, "You keep your money under a
mattress?" "Well, of course I do, I want it to be safe,"
Balki explains. "Safe?" Larry asks, "Didn't you ever think
that a thief could break in here, get tired ransacking the apartment, lie down
to take a nap? Bam! Your money's gone!" "No, I never
thought of that," Balki admits.
"Well, you should! Keeping
money around attracts burglars. You don't keep your money in a mattress,
you keep your money in a 
bank."
"Why?" Balki asks. "Because that is what responsible people
do," Larry answers, "What if the building was to burn down? Then
where would your money be? Step into the twentieth century!"
"But . . . I don't know about banks," Balki says worriedly.
"What's to know?" Larry cries, "Why do I have to explain
everything? Look, today on our lunch hour I'll take you to my bank, you'll
put that money in a checking account." "But this is my mad
money," Balki explains. Larry gives him a frustrated look and Balki
asks, "You mean my savings, too?" "Yes, yes, your savings,
too," Larry confirms, "Everything! Now get it." Balki
gets up and walks toward the front of the sofa bed again. Seeing this,
Larry gets up and moves to the chair instead, not realizing that Balki has
turned to the chair. Balki pulls up the cushion Larry has just sat upon,
throwing Larry to the floor again. Balki gets a leather pouch and pulls
out his money, showing it to Larry. "I got it!" he announces
happily. "You'll never get it," Larry moans.
In the next scene we see the outside of a
bank. Larry's voice over says, "Can we get on with this? We're
on our lunch break." 
Inside
the bank, Balki and Larry approach one of the desks where a man is working as
Larry says, "Ah, excuse us . . . uh, this is Balki Bartokomous."
"Oh, I'm Harrison Harper," the man begins to say when Balki suddenly
hugs him. "Balki would like to open a checking account," Larry
explains. "Sit, sit," Mr. Harper says, motioning to some
chairs. Balki and Larry sit down as the man begins. "All right,
you've got your Money Market Manager account, requires a thousand dollar minimum
balance, includes check guarantee, credit card, overdraft protection, which
means you can write checks up to five thousand dollars over your balance, and a
free color TV." "Oh, I like that one!" Balki smiles
excitedly. "Balki, I think that's a little out of your league,"
Larry notes. "What is my league?" Balki asks. "Little
league," Larry answers. Mr. Harper gets some information and hands it
to them, explaining, "Our Happy Saver account. Requires a
minimum balance of two dollars and you get a free Freddy the Frog
bank." "He'll take that one," Larry says immediately,
"Balki, give him your money."
Balki
holds his money close and puts up a finger to indicate he wants Larry to
wait. "Just one moment," Balki says, and turns to Mr. Harper,
"There's a few things I don't understand. When I put my money here,
what are you going to do with it?" "The same thing they do with
my money," Larry explains, "They loan it out to other people for
interest." "They give my money to other people just because it's
interesting?" Balki asks. "No, no, no," Larry says,
"Interest is what people pay the bank so that they can use your
money." "Well, if they're using my money, why don't they pay
me?" Balki demands to know. "Well, the bank performs a
service," Larry continues, "For instance, you could come here and
borrow money yourself." "I could come to this bank and borrow my
own money and then pay them interest?" Balki asks. "Well,
yes," Larry says, "provided you have good credit."
"What that is?" Balki asks. "Well, credit is proving to the
bank that you don't need to borrow your own money," Larry answers.
Balki still looks confused, so Larry asks Mr. Harper, "Would you like to
explain this to him?" "Not on your life," Mr. Harper
replies.
"When my money is here, who is going
to be watching it?" Balki asks. "Well, Mr. Harper will watch
it," Larry answers. "Like a hawk," Mr. Harper adds
facetiously. "Well, then, I'm going to need some references from
you," Balki insists. Larry has about had it. "Balki, give
him your money." "But how do I get my money when I want to use
it?" Balki asks. "Look, the bank gives you nice checks with
pretty little pictures and when you want to buy something all you have to do is siiiign
your name to a check. That's all there is to it." "You
mean when I want to spend money all I have to do is siiiiign my name to a
check?" Balki asks. "Let's get this 
done
so that we can go back to work," Larry says impatiently. Balki hands
his money over to Mr. Harper somberly. "Take good care of it,"
he urges. "We will," Mr. Harper assures him, then looks at the
amount and sighs. "A hundred and twenty-eight dollars? That's
what this ordeal is about? A hundred and twenty-eight dollars?"
"Just take the money, please," Larry begs. "Yes, yes,"
Mr. Harper agrees, "If you will just pick out the style of checks you want
we can wrap this up during my lifetime." He hands Balki a book of
sample check styles. Balki looks through it. "Rainbows!"
he smiles, "I love rainbows!" "Rainbows it is," Mr.
Harper smiles, marking it down. Balki turns the page, remarking,
"Flowers!" Mr. Harper crumples the order form he just marked and
says, "Okay, flowers." Balki turns the page again and cries out,
"Puppies!" Mr. Harper crumples the second order form as Larry
joins Balki in looking at the check styles.
At the Ritz Discount store, Susan is
massaging Larry's sore back. "Lower," Larry says. She
moves her hands lower and starts 
again.
"Lower," Larry urges. She presses into his back and he lets out
a cry of pain, so she pulls her hands away. "Lower," Larry says
again. Balki enters the store carrying a paper sack which he slings over
his shoulder as he lets out a "Ho! Ho! Ho! Balki Claus is
coming to town!" He carries the bag to the counter to open it.
"And what does he have?" He pulls out an apple and states,
"An apple! For Larry Appleton!" Balki laughs at his own
joke, exclaiming, "Where do I come up with them?" He reaches
into the bag again. "And for you, Susan, your favorite sugarless
gum." "Oh, thank you, Balki!" Susan smiles. "Balki,
this is very nice," Larry agrees, "What's the occasion? Is today
Mypos Apple and Gum Day?" "Ask me how I paid for these
things!" "Balki, how did you pay for these things?" Susan
asks. Balki pulls out a checkbook and holds it open for them to see.
"I wrote checks! They came today." "Balki, you wrote
a check for an apple and a pack of gum?" Larry asks. "Of course
not! Don't be ridiculous!" Balki scoffs, reaching into the bag again,
"I also got you this nice bug light." "Well, I'm
touched," Larry says, taking the bulb.
Mr. Twinkacetti exits his office and
shouts, "Appleton! Front and center! I'm planning a real big
poker game tonight . . . " "Oh, uh, thank you, Mr. Twinkacetti,"
Larry says, "But no, I don't play poker." "I wasn't
inviting you," Mr. Twinkacetti says sharply, "Look, 
Appleton,
my wife hates me to gamble. That's why I'm telling her I'm going to a
basketball game with you, tonight. Got it? So if it ever comes up, I
was with you." "Uh . . . I can't do that," Larry says,
"I can't lie for you." "Hey! I'm askin' for a
favor!" Twinkacetti says, "Man to man. Men do those things for
each other." "Some men in the Nixon White House did those things
for each other," Larry replies. "You leave my heroes outta
this!" Twinkacetti scolds. "You know, lying to your wife is
really terrible," Susan tells Twinkacetti. "Newsflash,
sweetcheeks!" Twinkacetti counters, "The ERA is dead! You
lost! Bow and get out!" "Can I be candid?" Susan
asks, and she blows a raspberry at Twinkacetti and leaves. "Aw, come
on, Appleton, huh?" Twinkacetti asks, "It's part of the code of the
male brotherhood." "What is this male brotherhood?" Balki
asks. "Don't worry, no turnips allowed," Twinkacetti
remarks. "It's okay, Balki," Larry assures him, "Forget it,
Mr. Twinkacetti. I'll work for you, I'll take your abuse, but I will not
lie to your wife for you."
"I won't forget this,"
Twinkacetti promises, heading for the door. He stops, turning back to say,
"Oh, I just remembered, I got a truck of body building equipment
downtown. I want you to pick it up. Shouldn't take you more than a
whole day." Twinkacetti heads for the door again but Balki stops
him. "Mr. Twinkacetti . . . Cousin Larry has a bad back."
"Even better," Twinkacetti says, 
winking
at Balki and leaving. "Cousin, I do this for you," Balki
offers. "Don't worry," Larry says, "I know the correct way
to lift without putting stress on my back." Larry reaches down to
pick up his coat and cries in pain, clutching his back. "Oh, Cousin,
would you please let me fix this?" Balki begs, moving behind Larry to try
to fix his back. "No, no. I'm okay. I'm fine, I'm
fine," Larry insists, walking to the front door. As he reaches it a
delivery man enters holding a clipboard. "I'm, uh, looking for a uh,
Balki Bartoko-mouse." "Yeah, that's him over there," Larry
points out, "The one who can stand erect." "I got that
furniture you ordered," the delivery guy tells Balki. "Oh,
wonderful!" Balki says, "My Cousin will be so happy!"
"Yeah, yeah," the delivery guy dismisses him, "All I want is
three thousand twenty-eight dollars and forty-three cents." "No
problem," Balki says, pulling out his checkbook to hold up, "I have
checks."
Act two begins in the apartment that
evening with Balki removing the plastic from their new furniture, a gaudy French
Provincial 
style sofa, coffee table, end tables and chairs.
As he works, he sings "Touch
Me in the Morning." The front door opens and Larry enters in a bent
over position. "Twinkacetti can not beat me!" Larry
declares. Slowly Larry moves toward the closet door to hang up his
jacket. "I just moved twelve tons of body building equipment . . .
" Larry tries to reach over a chair to hang up his jacket but can't
reach. " . . . by myself!" Larry gets onto the chair on
his knees but still can't reach the hook above him. "It was tough . .
. " Larry admits, reaching up to grab the coat rack with one hand while
letting his head rest against the closet door. " . . . but I'm a
better person for it." Larry hangs his jacket on the closet doorknob,
but it falls off anyway. Larry lets his arm dangle in defeat and climbs
off the chair. "You also look shorter," Balki notes.
"That's because every vertebrae in my body is compressed," Larry
explains.
Larry walks into the room, still bent
down, moaning "Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh . . .
" When he reaches the end table, which 
has
some gaudy plastic flowers on it, he says, "Oh boy" even more
intensely. Larry braces himself on the end table and slowly looks up to
view his newly re-decorated living room. Balki hovers over him, hardly
able to contain his enthusiasm. Larry looks at Balki who exclaims,
"Surprise! I bought you new furniture! It's a present from me
to you." Larry starts to cry. He walks around, motioning to the
coffee table and then crying over the fringed pillow on the sofa. He
motions to a chair and cries again, then sits down on the sofa. "Oh
oh!" Larry moans, "I can't believe you did this! I can't believe
you did this!" "Aw, I know," Balki smiles, "I
know. I can hardly believe it myself. And you're
welcome!" Larry eyes Balki in disbelief. "Balki . . . let
me make something absolutely clear. See, my furniture was, well . .
. well . . . it was my furniture. And this furniture is . . .
not." "Oh," Balki says, looking hurt, "You don't like
it?" "No, no, no, it's not that I don't like it," Larry
says, looking around again, then saying, "Yes, it is. I don't like
it."
"Well, but you complain about your
broken sofa and you don't like your old furniture and . . . I just wanted to
give you something." Balki walks to the chairs by the fireplace and
sits down, sulking. Larry gets up, still bent over, and walks over to
where he's 
sitting.
"Balki. Balki, you got rid of my things. My things. My
things!" "I got it!" Balki cries. "No, no,no,
you don't got it!" Larry argues, "You've got to
understand! Look . . . " Larry sits down on the chair next to
Balki. " . . . look. I'm going to tell you something about my
upbringing that I have never told you." "You are?" Balki
asks. "Yes," Larry answers, "See, I come from a big
family. I was one of nine kids." "You told me that,"
Balki says. "My parents weren't poor but they didn't have a lot of
money . . . " Balki says "A lot of money" along with Larry
then adds, "You told me that." "We grew up in a middle
class house in Madison, Wisconsin . . . " "Madison, Wisconsin .
. . " Balki says with Larry. "Look, the new stuff is coming, all
right?" Larry snaps. Balki looks hurt again so Larry says,
"Sorry," and continues. "The point is with all those kids
nothing was ever really yours. If I had a toy I had to share it with eight
other kids. So when I moved here, see, I bought this furniture . . . well,
not this furniture . . . my own furniture. It was used, it was a
little uncomfortable but it was all mine. And then, tonight . . . I come
home . . . and I find that you, you . . . " Larry says, nearly
sobbing, " . . . you've taken away my toys."
Balki places a comforting hand on Larry's
arm. "Oh, how sad!" "Intellectually I know, I know .
. . I'm overly possessive," Larry admits, "Almost neurotic about
it." "You are not!" Balki assures him. "I'm
not?" Larry asks hopefully. "Of course not!" Balki insists,
"Erotic? Don't be ridiculous!" "Neurotic.
Neurotic! Neurotic!!" Larry screams. "Okay, don't
get crazy!" Balki cries. 
"Wait
a minute!" Larry suddenly thinks, getting up to walk to the sofa,
"Wait a minute! Where did you get the money to pay for all this
stuff?" "Oh, that was no problem. I just wrote a
check," Balki smiles. "You wrote a check?" Larry asks
worriedly, "For how much?" "Three thousand twenty-eight dollars and forty-three
cents," Balki answers, "Good deal, huh? They even threw in these
plastic flowers!" Balki walks to the flowers and Larry moves to him,
grabbing his vest. "Balki, Balki, Balki! You only had a hundred
and twenty-eight dollars, less the pack of gum, apple and bug light."
"Yes, but the man at the bank said I can write checks for more money than I
have as long as I pay it back someday." Larry vigorously shakes his
head no. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was the Money Market
Manager account. You have the Happy Saver account. Don't you
understand anything about banking?" "No, I don't
understand banking," Balki admits, "In Mypos, money is not that
important! Two chickens is a pig, two pigs is a cow and two cows is a
fortune. You the one that made me go to a bank and got me all
confused!"
Balki walks back to the chair by the
fireplace and sits down. Larry, still bent over, follows again.
"Oh! Oh! Yeah, yeah, okay! Oh. 
sure!
Yeah, blame it on me! Oh, yes, why didn't I see it before?
Yes! It's all my fault and I'll burn in Hell for it!"
"Boy, you taking this hard!" Balki observes, "What's the big
deal?" "What's the big deal?" Larry cries, "You wrote
a check for three thousand dollars more than you have. You don't want to
go to prison for this furniture!" "You're right,"
Balki sighs, "It's my fault." "No, look, look," Larry
says, softening, "It's not your fault. I made you get that bank
account and I didn't take the time to explain the basics. It's not a big
deal. They'll take this furniture back and we'll get back my stuff.
Now what did you do with it?" "Oh that's no problem," Balki
assures him, "I sold it to Mr. Twinkacetti." Larry looks as if
he may cry again. "You sold it to Twinkacetti?" Larry asks,
"You sold my chair, my sofa, my coffee table, my lamp . . . my rug! You
sold my lucky rug??" "Is this neurotic?" Balki
asks. "Yes! Yes!" Larry says, "And so is this!"
Larry starts kicking the chair Balki is sitting on, then turns and starts
beating up on the end table with the flowers.
At the Ritz Discount store the next
morning, Larry and Balki enter just as a woman is exiting, carrying Larry's
orange lamp. 
"That's
my lamp!" Larry points out. "We'd better hustle our
buttocks," Balki says, and they walk into the store. "Those
pinches paid off!" Balki notes. They approach Mr. Twinkacetti, who is
standing by a display of Larry's furniture. "Good morning,
turnips," he greets them, "Boy, am I lucky guy! Last night I won
six hundred dollars in the poker game, and this junk'll be gone before
lunch!" "Mr. Twinkacetti, I'm gonna buy back my furniture for
what you paid Balki for it," Larry announces. "Come on,
Appleton!" Twinkacetti whines, "You think I could sell this elegant
decor for a measly seventy-five bucks?" "Seventy-five
bucks?" Larry cries, and turns on Balki, "You sold my furniture for
seventy-five bucks?" "Well, it made sense when Mr. Twinkacetti
explained it," Balki says. "I'll bet it did!" Larry says
angrily, turning back to Twinkacetti. "You can't do this to me.
It's not fair!" "Ah, you're right," Twinkacetti sighs,
"I shouldn't take advantage of a fellow member of the male
brotherhood. But then, as I recall, this male member is a code
violator. And I owe him nothing. Zip, as in the big O."
The door of the store opens and a woman
enters. Mr. Twinkacetti immediately looks worried. "My God, my
wife!" he says quietly, moving to meet her, "Ah, Edwina! My
pet! What a cherished moment! Boys, my beloved wife."
"Hello, Mrs. Twinkacetti," Larry 
greets
her. "Oh, nice to see you, Larry," Mrs. Twinkacetti smiles,
shaking Larry's hand, "And this must be Balki!" Balki pulls her
into a hug until Mr. Twinkacetti pulls her away. "I have heard so
much about you," she smiles. "Well, I have heard so much about
you, too, and I don't believe half of it!" Balki tells her. Mr.
Twinkacetti shakes his head until his wife turns to look at him and he
smiles. "We kid around!" he laughs. "Did you enjoy
going to the basketball game with my husband?" Mrs. Twinkacetti asks Balki.
"Basketball?" Balki asks. "Loved it! Loved it!"
Mr. Twinkacetti interrupts, seeing his wife is getting suspicious,
"Remember, turnip? Bouncy bouncy?" Twinkacetti leads his
wife to his office quickly, "Why don't we step into the office here.
I've got fresh coffee, we'll talk . . . " "Balki, don't you see
what happened?" Larry asks, "Mr. Twinkacetti told his wife he was with
you last night." "Oh! Po po!" Balki says, realizing
what this means. "Balki! Friend! Member of the male
brotherhood!" Twinkacetti gushes. "Oh, so now I'm a
member?" Balki asks. "Are you kidding?" Twinkacetti says,
saluting as he walks to them, "You're lieutenant!" "How
much do you like me?" Balki asks. "Like you? I'd give you
a kidney!" Twinkacetti answers, "You'll cover for me, won't you, Balki?"
"Do you mind if I call you turnip?" Balki asks.
"Please!" Twinkacetti begs.
"Balki, Balki?" Larry
warns. "Watch and learn!" Balki says to Larry, then turns back
to Twinkacetti, "I'll give you sixty-five dollars 
for
this furniture, turnip." Twinkacetti looks pains, offering, "Two
hundred!" Balki motions for him to lower the price. "One
seventy-five," Twinkacetti tries. Balki motions again.
Twinkacetti growls, offering, "One hundred. And some glass
beads. Good deal, huh?" Balki says firmly, "One
dollar." Twinkacetti scoffs at this until his wife comes out of the
office. "Donald?" she calls. "Sold!" Twinkacetti
agrees. Mrs. Twinkacetti walks up to her husband and taps his shoulder,
saying, "Donald, the strangest thing . . . I found six hundred dollars in
your office hidden behind your photo of Gordon Liddy." "You
should keep your money in a bank!" Balki says. "I feel
terrible," Mrs. Twinkacetti continues, "I was thinking . . . well, I
was thinking that you probably didn't go to a basketball game last night.
You know, for one crazy moment I suspected you were playing poker with your
sleazy friend." Twinkacetti laughs, looking back at the guys until
Mrs. Twinkacetti grabs his lapel and spins his head back around to her.
"But I know that couldn't be true because our marriage is based on mutual
trust. And if you ever violate that trust I'll break your chubby, little
legs!"
Twinkacetti turns to Balki and Larry and
laughs, saying, "We kid around!" "Donnie, I want you to
watch me spend your money," Mrs. Twinkacetti says, taking him by the arm
and leading him out of the store, saying "Bye, boys!" "Bye
bye now!" Larry says and 
turns
to Balki. "You did good!" "Thank you," Balki
smiles, "I have a dark side." "Well, help me get this
furniture upstairs and tonight I'll teach you how to balance your
checkbook," Larry promises. "Okay," Balki says, "And
then I teach you how to balance a broom on your nose." They
start to pick up Larry's sofa when Larry pulls his back again and cries in
pain. "Oh Cousin, your back is still hurting," Balki realizes,
then he walks over to him. "I think it's time I took your back by the
horns." Balki throws his arms around Larry from behind and lifts him
off the ground quickly, dropping him again. "Oh, Balki!" Larry
cries, then realizes, "Balki! My back! It doesn't
hurt!" "Of course not!" Balki says, "Balki fixed
it!" "Well, that's incredible!" Larry smiles.
"Yes!" Balki agrees, "Of course, sometimes there are side
effects." Larry's eyes open wider and he says, "Balki . . . I
can't move my arms." "That’s one of them," Balki says
worriedly. "Now what?" asks Larry. "Well, for that you
got to go
to a doctor." The scene fades as Larry tries vainly to swing his arms up
to hit Balki.
Back to:
EPISODE
GUIDE