Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 04 - Baby, You Can Drive My Car

First Air Date: April 15, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 21.0 HH

Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Chip Keyes & Doug Keyes
Directed by: Howard Storm

Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Ernie Sabella: Mr. Twinkacetti
Lise Cutter: Susan Campbell

Guest Cast:
Eddie Barth: Examiner (Frank)

Dimitri Appearances: This episode marks Dimitri’s very first appearance in the series!  He has a very visible role as Balki holds him for comfort while lamenting the fact he had an accident in Cousin Larry’s car.  Balki even addresses him as Dimitri, so we learn the stuffed sheep’s name from the beginning.

Balki-isms:
" . . . you lucky son of a goat."
"Oh, to get an official document like that must make you so aroused!"
" . . . you will give me my lesson in front of the wheel."
"Cousin Larry, I have been reading the manuel."
"You can fool some of the sheep all of the time but you can’t fool some of the sheep all of the time."
"Printed in Hicksville, New York, by somebody named Pat Pending."
"I may be nervous but I know my G’s and U’s."
"You made me stick with it when I was ready to throw up the towel."

Don’t be ridiculous: Said three times.

Other catchphrases used in this episode:
"Oh po po."
"Don’t you ever, EVER do that again!"

Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki adhering to a Myposian custom (in this case going far away and hiding his face in shame) (first time)

Songs: "In My Little Deuce Coupe" - performed by Balki when Larry offers to teach him to drive
"America the Beautiful"- performed by Larry and Balki as Larry is trying to encourage Balki to go for his driver’s license

Notable Moments:
Balki gets his driver's license.
Dimitri is seen for the very first time.

Interesting facts:
- The title of this episode is the name of a classic Beatles song.
- We learn in this episode that the country of Mypos only has one car.
- If you watch closely, you can see that one oil can in the pyramid (the second from the left on the bottom) is suddenly pulled backwards and off the table, which is what causes the pyramid to collapse.  To the credit of the special effects people, the string pulling the can is not clearly visible.
- The paper bags Larry carries into the apartment are from Ralph's grocery store (known as Kroeger's in other parts of the country).  If you look closely you can see the name and logo have been marked out with a black pen.
- The driving lesson in the living room was also done in a very funny episode of Laverne and Shirley.  This would not be the last time Perfect Strangers would use similar plots and situations from that series (which was also produced in part by Thomas Miller and Bob Boyett).
- Balki's alphabet blanket is seen clearly in this episode.  It appears to be a handmade Myposian blanket with the English alphabet written and illustrated with examples.  Balki probably had this blanket from childhood and used it to help him learn English.
- This is the first time we see Susan wearing a nurse’s outfit, complete with name tag.
- When Balki says he will never be a real live nephew of his Uncle Sam he's quoting a line from the song Yankee Doodle Dandy.
- Balki takes upon himself a Myposian custom in which he must go far away and cover his face in shame.  This was to be the first of many similar Myposian customs to come over the years.
- Larry and Balki’s rendition of "America the Beautiful" complete with hushing their voices for the second "America" was a fan favorite and they even sang it again the episode Prose and Cons.
- Character actor Eddie Barth gives a memorable performance here as the DMV worker, Frank.  He also made an appearance in an episode of Full House and had a semi-regular roles on the series Simon & Simon and Murder, She Wrote.  Commercial fans may recognize his voice from Miller Lite commercials in which he intoned "Everything you always wanted in a beer . . . and less."
- Another possibly familiar face is that of a woman standing in the background at the DMV.  Could this be the same woman who appears almost regularly on the series in the background at the Chicago Chronicle?  She shows up again in the second season episode Get a Job.  We still don't know the identity of this regular background extra.

Bloopers and Inconsistencies:
- Cousin nighttime59 on the Forums alerted us to this interesting blooper: At the beginning of the show when Balki is stamping the oil cans and Larry is stacking them, Balki only has five cans in the box, and yet he stamps eight cans!  How is this possible?  Well, watch closely . . . Larry places two cans on a flat level before the shot switches to one from Camera A.  Suddenly those two cans are gone and Larry stacks them again.  They used footage of the same shot shown previously but from a different angle, to make the scene longer!
- Cousin nighttime59 also pointed out that in the first scene when Larry says "He can do anything he puts his mind to," Balki tosses the feather duster he is holding beside the radio (which was sold in the first episode . . . why is it still there?) but then when Twinkacetti walks into his office the duster is magically back in Balki's hand so he can toss it down again before dancing away.  It's likely two takes of the scene were done and Bronson threw the duster aside at different times, something the continuity person should have caught.
- In this episode their address is given as "627 Lincoln Blvd." although this changed often throughout the series (see our Watch . . . and Learn! section for more on such inconsistencies.)
- When Balki asks if he should place his hand over "your left or my left?" eye, the instructor says "Your left, my right."  Balki then places his left hand over his own left eye and his right hand over the man's left eye, not his right eye, although to Balki it would be the man's right eye and not his left eye.  Is that confusing enough?
- When Twinkacetti hands Larry the money he won in their bet, he comments, "So my kid misses Christmas."  As we learn in the following season, Twinkacetti actually has two children, a boy and a girl named Donny and Marie.

Synopsis:
The episode begins with Balki and Larry working in the Ritz Discount store.  Balki is stamping the price on cans of motor oil (very fitting considering the topic of this  episode!).  As he stamps each can, Balki tosses them to Larry, who in turn stacks them into a pyramid shape.  Balki throws the last one and then also tosses the price stamper to Larry.  "That's the last one," Balki explains.  "Darn, one more we would have had a perfect pyramid," Larry sighs.  Balki looks at the front of the pyramid and asks, "Why, don't we use this one?" pointing to a can on the bottom row.  "Oh, Balki no!" Larry cries as Balki pulls the can out and places it safely on the top of the pyramid.  "What?  Perfect!" Balki announces proudly, then walks away.  "Obviously you don’t know the first thing about physics," Larry comments.

Mr. Twinkacetti enters, carrying some mail.  "Morning, gentlemen," he says, "and I use the word incorrectly."  Balki starts to dust around the cash register as Larry begins pricing some wrapping paper and replies, "Good morning, Mr. Twinkacetti."  Twinkacetti opens a letter and laughs, looking at his driver's license.  "Oh, look what you got, you lucky son of a goat!" Balki exclaims.  "It's my driver's license," Twinkacetti says flatly, "I just got it renewed."  "Congratulations," Balki smiles, "Oh!  To get an official document like that must make you so aroused!"  "Yeah, come to think of it, I wonder when mine's up for renewal," Larry thinks, pulling out his wallet to look at his own license.  "Oh," Balki sighs, "It's a wonderful thing, a driver's license.  I don't have a driver's license.  And I want to thank you both for letting me hang out with you anyway."  "What are you talking about?" Larry asks.  "Your driver's license?" Balki asks, "Your membership card to the American dream?"  "Balki, it's only a driver's license," Larry notes.  "Only a driver's license?" Balki cries, "Is the Lincoln Memorial only a building?  Is Mount Rushmore only a chunk of stone?  Is Merv Griffin only a talk show host?"  "Well, it's hard to argue when you put it like that," Larry admits, putting his license back into his wallet.

"But didn't you have a driver's license back in Mypos?" Larry asks.  "Well, we only had one car," Balki answers.  "Well, my family only had one car," Larry says.  "My country only had one car," Balki explains.  "Which is a good thing," Twinkacetti interjects, "because they let the guy with the brain drive."  "Come on, Twinkacetti," Larry says, "Balki could get a driver's license."  "I could?" Balki asks in awe.  "Sure," Larry answers.  "Don't be ridiculous!" Balki scoffs, "I am not born in the USA."  "Well, that doesn't make any difference," Larry assures him, "You can still get a driver's license."  "You teasing Balki," Balki says, not daring to believe it.  "No, it's no big deal.  All you need is someone to teach you how to drive."  "Will you teach me?" Balki asks.  "Well, sure," Larry smiles, "I'm your friend."  "In your car?" Balki asks.  Larry looks worried.  "Uh, in my car?  Uh, Balki, I don't think that's a good idea."  "Why not?" Balki asks.  "Well, Balki, a man's car is not just a piece of machinery," Larry hesitates, "I mean, my car is very special to me.  I spent years saving nickels and dimes so that I could . . . I mean, it's not that I don't trust you.  It's just that, uh . . . well, see, uh . . . how can I say this?"  "You don't want it driven into the side of a building," Twinkacetti offers.  "That's it," Larry agrees, then he sees Balki's expression and adds, "Well, that's not entirely it."

"Oh, face it," Twinkacetti chides, "We both know the yo-yo can't get a license."  "Well, that's not true!" Larry argues.  "Fifty bucks says he can't!" Twinacetti says.  "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response," Larry scoffs.  Twinkacetti laughs and tells Balki, "Translated, that means your pal doesn't think you can do it."  He heads toward his office.  "He can do anything he puts his mind to!" Larry insists.  "Then put your money where your mouth is!" Twinkacetti replies.  "All right, you got a bet!" Larry agrees, "And I'll teach him in my car!"  "You will?" Balki asks.  "Did I say it?" Larry asks.  "Yes!" Balki answers.  "Damn!" Larry swears.  Twinkacetti grabs Larry's hand to shake and smiles, "You're on!  It's gonna be like taking candy from a baby."  He thinks a moment and mutters to himself, "I haven't done that in a while, either."  Twinkacetti goes to his office.  "My very own driver's license!" Balki gasps excitedly, "I can't wait to hit the highway!"  Balki turns and starts singing "In my little deuce coup . . . "  Larry stands by the oil cans, looking worried.  "I volunteered my car!"  He looks upward and asks, "Please, God, tell me I didn't make a mistake!"  The pyramid of cans suddenly topples, with cans rolling every which way.  "Was that a yes or a no?" Larry asks.

Later in the apartment, Balki is sitting in a chair by the fireplace reading a booklet.  Larry enters with two bags full of groceries.  Balki jumps up excitedly, announcing, "Cousin Larry!  I have been reading the manuel!"  "The manuel?" Larry asks in confusion.  "The driving manuel," Balki explains, still pronouncing "manual" as "manuel."  "Oh, the driving manuel!" Larry understands, "Well, you can't study that too much."  "Well, I read every day for a week," Balki explains.  "Well, that's good," Larry says.  "And you said when I have read the manuel and memorize the rules, you will give me my lesson in front of the wheel."  "Uh, that's behind the wheel," Larry corrects, "and see?  That's exactly what I'm talking about.  You don't even know which side of the wheel to be on."  "But . . . you promise to teach me," Balki reminds him.  "Well, I know, I know," Larry hesitates, "I just was hoping we could wait a little longer.  At least until my car depreciates another year."  Balki gives him a sad expression and Larry finally says, "Okay.  A promise is a promise.  All right, come on."

Larry carries the groceries next to the coffee table and sets them down on the floor.  Larry sits on the table and says, "Okay.  Now let's pretend that this is my car."  "Oh po po!" Balki scoffs, "You don't trust me in a real car?"  "I just think we should get some practice before we get into an actual moving, life-threatening motor vehicle," Larry explains, "Now, get in the car."  Balki gives in and walks around the back of the coffee table, pantomiming that he's opening the driver's side door.  He sits on the coffee table and mimes slamming the door shut.  "Don't you ever, ever do that again!" Larry scolds.  "What?" Balki asks.  "You slammed the door!" Larry snaps.  Balki looks taken aback, then responds with, "Well, it's a little hard to remember when you driving a coffee table."  "Okay," Larry continues, "Now, you got your steering wheel, your brake, gear shift, accelerator.  Make sure it's in park and start it up."  "Cousin, there's nothing here," Balki points out, "Don't you think it would be easier in your car?"  "Easier for you, not for me," Larry states.

"All right, look," Larry sighs, reaching over to the grocery bags, "I'll build you a little driving simulator."  Larry pulls out a plunger and sticks it on the floor.  "This is your gear shift," he explains.  He pulls out a box of frozen broccoli and sets it on the floor, saying, "Frozen broccoli is your accelerator."  He then pulls out a grapefruit and also places it on the floor, stating, "And the grapefruit is your brake.  Now, it's in park, so just start it up."  "Did you give me the key?" Balki asks.  Larry mimes pulling a set of keys out of his pocket and shaking them in front of Balki.  Balki takes the "keys" and then reaches over and mimes opening the glove compartment and taking something out.  "What are you doing?" Larry asks.  "Sunglasses," Balki explains, miming breathing on them and then wiping them on his shirt.  He puts on the "sunglasses" and then mimes pulling on his seat belt.  "Buckle up," Balki tells Larry.  "Start the car," Larry says, losing his patience.   Balki mimes turning the key and places his hands on an imaginary wheel as Larry says, "Okay.  Now, put your foot on the brake."  Balki puts his foot on the broccoli and Larry says, "On the brake.  The grapefruit."  Balki switches his foot to the grapefruit.  "Okay.  Now . . . put it in drive," Larry coaxes.  Balki moves the handle of the plunger.  "And slowly, slowly . . . give it a little broccoli . . . "  Balki presses his foot lightly on the broccoli.  "Just pull out into traffic," Larry says.  Balki smiles as he mimes driving and Larry says, "Okay.  Good."

"Now, we're cruising down the street," Larry continues, "A little broccoli, little broccoli . . . okay, not so fast.  Not so fast.  There's a lot of traffic."  "This window too much on you?" Balki asks, motioning to where the window would be on his side.  "It's fine," Larry assures him, "Now, what I'm gonna do is throw a few emergency situations your way.  Okay?  Is that all right?"  Balki nods and Larry says, "Good," then looks ahead and shouts loudly, "Look out!!"  Balki screams and curls up on the coffee table, covering his eyes with his hands.  "Now that's rule number one!" Larry says, "The driver never ever covers his eyes."  "Why you did that?" Balki asks.  "A school bus pulled out in front of you," Larry explains.  "I didn't see a school bus," Balki says.  "How can you miss a big yellow bus with large flashing lights?" Larry asks.  "Well, I was busy avoiding the runaway baby carriage," Balki counters.

"What runaway baby carriage?" Larry asks.  "What school bus?" Balki asks, "I don't understand this game!"  "Okay.  Okay, Balki, if you're not gonna take this seriously there's no point in teaching you," Larry states, turning away with his arms crossed.  "I'll do better," Balki promises.  Larry waits a moment then says, "Okay.  Now I think we should take a few more practice spins around the living room before the accelerator defrosts, and if you don't hit anything we'll, uh . . . we'll go for a ride in my car."  "Oh, thank you, Cousin Larry!" Balki smiles, grabbing Larry's shoulders, "And don't worry.  I'll be careful.  All right, I'm turning right now!"  Balki mimes turning the wheel and Larry cries, "All right, signal, signal, signal!" Larry cries.  Balki throws his right out arm straight, hitting Larry and knocking him backwards off the coffee table.  Larry slowly looks up over the coffee table, fuming.  "Next time, buckle up!" Balki scolds, "It's the law!"  Larry buries his face in his arm.

The next scene is at the Ritz Discount Store.  Susan is standing by the counter with Balki and asks, "Balki, what happened?"  "I had an accident in Cousin Larry's car," Balki says sadly.  "Oh no . . . was anybody hurt?" Susan asks.  "Unfortunately, I lived," Balki sighs.  Larry enters the store, fuming and counting, " . . . seven . . . eight . . . nine . . . ten . . . "  "Larry what happened?" Susan asks.  "Not now, I'm counting to a thousand," Larry says.  "What happened?" Susan asks again.  "What happened?" Larry asks as Balki hides his face in his hands, "What happened?  He is what happened!  We were practicing parking at the supermarket and all of a sudden this runaway shopping cart came hurtling across the lot right at us!"  "A shopping cart?" Susan asks.  "A hurtling shopping cart!" Larry clarifies, then turns on Balki, "I told you to hit the brake!"  "Yes, but you confused me," Balki explains, "You keep shouting, 'Hit the grapefruit!  Hit the grapefruit!' and I cannot remember is it brake or gas the grapefruit?"

"Couldn't remember?  It's the brake!" Larry shouts, "It's the brake!  Grapefruit is the brake!  Who doesn't know that?"  Twinkacetti shrugs.  "The point is the cart plowed right into my front fender," Larry complains.  "Oh Cousin," Balki cries, taking Larry's hand in his and placing his face upon it, "I know you never can forgive me.  I was a fool to think that ever I could have a license like a real American.  Now I never will be a real live cousin of my Uncle Sam."  "Balki," Larry says, trying to get Balki to stop.  Balki raises his head and continues, "Oh, I am the lowest form of life.  I am . . . a calf butcher.  According to Mypos custom, I have to go far away and cover my face in shame."  Balki pulls his jacket over his face, then pulls it away to say, "Goodbye."  He heads for the door of the store and walks right into it.  "I hate these old customs!" he complains, then covers his face again and walks out the door.  Larry stands, looking confused as the scene fades.

Act two begins in the apartment.  Balki is sitting on the chair to the right of the couch, laying beneath his alphabet blanket and holding a stuffed sheep, looking sad.  Larry enters the apartment and Balki immediately pulls the blanket up over his face.  Larry walks over to Balki, hesitates, then approaches.  But Balki lets out a cry and Larry backs off.  After a moment Larry tries again, but Balki lets out a sob again and so Larry sits on the end of the couch nearest the chair instead.  "Balki.  Balki, Balki, I'm sorry," Larry offers.  Balki peeks out from behind the blanket.  "It's just that it's my car and it's your fault!" Larry snaps, causing Balki to duck under the blanket again.  "No, no, no," Larry says, "I didn't mean to say that.  I overreacted."  Balki lowers the blanket as Larry continues.  "I owe you an apology.  I'm sorry.  I was more concerned about my car than your feelings."  "No, you were right," Balki sighs, "I am a lowly immigrant who dared to dream."  "Now don't talk like that!" Larry argues.  "I don't deserve a driver's license," Balki says, "I don't even deserve a library card.  I would probably be arrested for speed reading."  "Things don't always come easy," Larry explains, "It wasn't easy for you to pack up and come to America.  You found me.  You found a job.  You found a place to live.  That was tough!  And you're not a quitter.  You know why?"  Balki thinks a moment, then says, "I give up.  Why?"

"Oh beautiful, for spacious skies . . . " Larry begins to sing, encouraging Balki to sing with him, " . . . for amber waves of grain . . . "  As Balki continues to sing "America, the Beautiful," Larry says, "Because you were born with the desire to make yourself better.  That's why you came to America!  Hanging in there is part of what the American spirit is all about!  Yes!"  Larry urges Balki to stand and they continue singing loudly, "America!"  Larry motions for them to say the second "America" softer and then he continues with his encouragement.  "When you fall off that horse you've got to climb right back on and show it who's boss!  When the going gets tough, the tough get going!  Never say die!  If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!"  "You mean, if I live in a glass house I must not throw stones!" Balki jumps in, leaving Larry confused.  "You can fool some of the sheep all of the time, but you can't fool some of the sheep all of the time!" Balki continues.  

"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" Larry says, "Whatever works for you!  The point is I don't want you to lose your confidence.  I believe in you.  And to prove it, I want you to go out there this afternoon and use my car to take that test."  "Cousin Larry, you'll let me use your car again?" Balki smiles.  Larry hesitates only a moment then answers, "Yes."  "Cousin Larry," Balki says, then looks down at his stuffed sheep and adds, "Dimitri . . . if you trust me that much . . . I'll do it!"  He sets Dimitri down as Larry gets his car keys out of his pants pocket and holds them out for Balki.  "Great!" Larry says.  "I'll get back on that horse!" Balki says, clutching the keys still in Larry's hand.  "You betcha!" Larry agrees.  "I'll show it who's boss!" Balki adds.  "That's the spirit!" Larry smiles.  "Cousin Larry?"  "What?"  "Let go of the key."  "I'm trying, I'm really trying," Larry assures him as Balki tries to wrestle the keys away from him.

We see an establishing shot of the State of Illinois Motor Vehicle Facility.  Inside there are many people milling about.  Balki and Larry are waiting on line and Balki is shaking all over, holding his application.  "Nervous?" Larry asks.  "Of course not, don't be ridiculous," Balki says, then starts shaking again.  "You know that manual backwards and forwards," Larry assures him.  "Backwards?" Balki cries worriedly.  "It's a figure of speech," Larry says quickly.  "All right, there's one question I have to ask about the manuel," Balki says.  "Yes?" Larry asks.  "If four persons come to a four-way stop at the same moment, and the man on my right has the right of way, who goes first because everybody has somebody on his right."  Larry thinks a moment, then answers, "That's why you buy insurance."  "Thank you," Balki says, then admits, "I'm very nervous."  "Relax," Larry urges, "People here are very, very nice."  An older man at the counter yells, "Next!" in a very gruff voice.  Balki eyes him worriedly.  "Well, come on, I don't have all day," the man says sharply.  "Hey, you lucked out," Larry smiles, "you got a good one!"  They approach the counter.

The man takes the form from Balki and looks at it.  "Okay, your first name is spelled B-A-L . . . "  "K-I," Larry finishes with him, "K-I . . . Balki Bartokomous."  "Current address, 6 . . . "  "627 Lincoln Blvd.," Larry finishes again.  "Place of birth . . . "  "Mypos.  It's a Mediterranean island," Larry says.  The man stares at Larry and then looks to Balki, asking, "Who's this?  Your ventriloquist?"  "No, this my Cousin Larry!" Balki says proudly.  The man addresses Balki again, asking, "You!  See the eye chart?"  "Yes, I see it!" Balki says happily, "Boy, that was an easy test!"  "Cover the left eye, please," the man asks.  "Your left or my left?" Balki asks.  "Your left, my right," the man answers.  Balki places his left hand over his own left eye and his right hand over the man's left eye.  "Take your hand off my face," the man insists.  Balki does so.  "Read the first line," the man instructs.  Balki looks at the eye chart and reads "E."  "Cover the other eye," the man says.  Balki puts his right hand over his right eye but doesn't take the left off the left, so now he has both hands over both eyes.  "Uncover the left eye!" the man says in frustration.  Balki uncovers his left eye and smiles, saying, "Lucky break.  I couldn't see a thing."  "What's the last line you can read?" the man asks, indicating the chart on the wall behind him again.  Balki reads, "Copyright 1963.  Printed in Hicksville, New York, by somebody named Pat Pending."  Larry leans over the counter to look as the man also has to look closely at the chart himself.  "Okay, I'll give that to you," the man says, marking the form.  "Cousin Larry, I passed the eye test!" Balki says happily.  "See?  All that studying paid off," Larry smiles.

The man hands Balki a paper, explaining, "Here's your written test.  Over there."  Balki takes the paper and tries to take a pen from the counter but it is attached by a cord and he gets jerked back.  Larry replaces the pen and hands Balki a pencil from a cup holder instead.  Larry leads Balki over to the testing area, saying, "All right, now . . . take your time.  Some of these questions can be pretty tricky."  "Uh, excuse me!" the man calls, "Cousin Larry.  You're getting on my nerves."  "Well, I'm sorry," Larry offers, "It's just that getting a driver's license is very important to him.  It's kind of a symbol of, uh . . . . "  "Park it over there!" the man orders, indicating the waiting area.  "Yes, right . . . no problem!" Larry smiles nervously, "I know you live with a lot of stress."  Larry walks to the waiting area but Balki turns from the test area and walks to the counter.  Larry follows, asking, "What's the matter?"  Balki hands his test paper to the man and says, "Nothing is the matter.  I'm finished."  "You're finished?  How could you be finished?" Larry asks.  "I knew all the answers!" Balki says.  Larry turns to the man, saying, "Excuse me, I think my friend here may have made a hasty act here."  "Cousin, Cousin, relax," Balki says, "I may be nervous but I know my G's and U's."  "That's P's and Q's," Larry corrects.  "I didn't know that," Balki says.

"Okay, one wrong," the man announces.  "One wrong?" Larry asks excitedly, "One wrong!  Balki, that's great!"  "I got one wrong?" Balki asks unhappily.  "Only one, that's fantastic!" Larry smiles.  "I got one wrong?" Balki asks the man.  "It's okay!  You passed!" Larry explains.  "You must have made a mistake," Balki tells the man.  "Look, you're allowed seven mistakes," the man points out, "You passed the test."  "I demand a recount," Balki insists.  "Balki, Balki!  Let it go!" Larry insists, but the man checks the test again.  "Well, whaddya know?" the man says, "He's right.  A perfect paper."  "I knew I was right!" Balki announces to the people waiting in line.  "Sorry," the man says sarcastically, "All out of little gold stars."  "What about a little happy face?" Balki asks.  Larry pulls Balki away from the counter.  "Balki, you've got to be nice to these people!" Larry explains, "If that man was your driving examiner, you'd be in a lot of trouble!"  The man appears next to them and taps Balki's arm, motioning outside.  "Let's go.  On this part of the test you're only allowed three mistakes.  Where's your car?"  "In front," Balki answers.  "In the red zone?" the man asks, shaking his head, "That's one!"  Balki follows the man out the door and Larry waits inside, nervously.

Back at the Ritz Discount, Twinkacetti is on the phone by the cash register.  "I told you, all sales are final," he says into the receiver, "Do I stand behind my products?  Listen, sister, look behind your TV.  Do you see me there?  There's your answer!"  He hangs up the phone and sighs, "Those nuns are so pushy!"  Larry runs in the door, looking around.  "Is Balki here?  I can't find him!  He went for his driver's test two hours ago and he never came back!"  "Oh, too bad," Twinkacetti sighs in mock sympathy, "You lost your pal.  You lost your car.  You lost the bet.  Pay me!"  "He could be lying out there injured," Larry points out, "How can you think of money at a time like this?"  "Easy!  I'm not a nice person!  Pay me!" Twinkacetti repeats.  The door opens and Balki enters, looking a little dazed.  "Balki, you're alive!" Larry exclaims.  "Yes, I think so," Balki says quietly, "I have to sit down."  "Get the man a chair!" Twinkacetti says with glee.  Balki walks over to the antique barber's chair and sits down.  "What happened?  I was worried!" Larry says.  "I tried to call you from the hospital but the phones were being used," Balki explains.  "The hospital?" Larry asks, "You were in the hospital?"  "I didn't want to get on the expressway but I got confused," Balki continues.  "You're not supposed to be on the expressway!" Larry states.  "I know!  But I said to him, 'You want to take a left?' and he said, 'Right,' so I took a right and suddenly Frank and me were on the expressway in the middle of rush hour.  And I don't know why they call it rush hour because nothing moves."

"Who is Frank?" Larry asks.  "That grumpy guy from the driver's license store," Balki explains, "The one who had a heart attack."  "Frank had a heart attack?" Larry asks in shock.  "Well, no, it turns out what he had was a bad lunch.  A salami sandwich, french fries and two chili dogs.  Nice guy but he had more gas than Exxon."  "You're breakin' my heart," Twinkacetti says, and points to Larry, saying, "You lost the bet.  Pay me.  Give me my money!"  "You're really enjoying this, aren't you?" Balki asks.  "Human suffering is my thing," Twinkacetti smiles.  "Suffer this," Balki says, reaching into his pocket to pull out a card, "I got my license!"  Twinkacetti looks shocked and Larry cries, "You got it!  You got it!"  Balki jumps up and hugs Larry.  "Frank was so happy he wasn't dead that he gave me my driver's license," Balki smiles.  "No way!  Let me see that!"  Twinkacetti snatches the license from Balki and looks it it.  "Excuse me a moment," he says, and turns his back to them, letting out a yelp of frustration.  He turns back and hands Balki his card, sighing nonchalantly, "Hey, but we had fun, didn't we?"  He starts to walk away but Larry goes after him, saying, "Ah, Mr. Twinkacetti?"  Twinkacetti turns around and fishes in his pocket, sighing, "Ah, right.  The money.  Okay."  He pulls out fifty dollars and shoves it into Larry's hand.  "So my kid misses Christmas," Twinkacetti sighs, giving Larry a look before going into his office.

"Balki, you did it!" Larry says, patting his shoulder, "I'm proud of ya."  "Thank you, Cousin Larry," Balki replies, "But you made me stick with it when I was ready to throw up the towel."  "Beautifully put," Larry notes, "but you're the one who passed the test."  "Yes, but I was ready to be a quitter and give up my part of the American dream.  But you wouldn't let me.  Instead you have faith in me and you trusted me with your car."  "Well, trust is what friendship is all about," Larry smiles.  "And you didn't even worry about your car!" Balki notes.  "I never gave it a thought," Larry agrees, then asks, "Did you put on the parking brake?"  "Of course I did, don't be ridiculous," Balki says, then asks, "What's a parking brake?"  When Larry starts to react Balki says, "Got you!  Larry Appleton, you are the best friend this Mediterranean sheepherder ever had."  "Thanks," Larry smiles, "What d'ya say we go out and celebrate?  It's on Twinkie!"  They start for the door and Larry asks, "Where are the car keys?"  "Oh they’re nice and safe," Balki assures him, "I locked them in the car!"  Larry look at Balki in disbelief and Balki realizes what he's done, clasping his hands over his mouth as they both run out of the store in a panic.

Continue on to the next episode . . .