Nielsen Rating: 21.0 HH
PERFECT STRANGERS EPISODE GUIDE
EPISODE 04 - Baby, You Can Drive My Car
First Air Date: April 15, 1986
Nielsen Rating: 21.0 HH
Co-Producer: James O’Keefe
Created by: Dale McRaven
Written by: Chip Keyes & Doug Keyes
Directed by: Howard Storm
Cast:
Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous
Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton
Ernie Sabella: Mr. Twinkacetti
Lise Cutter: Susan Campbell
Guest Cast:
Eddie Barth: Examiner (Frank)
Dimitri Appearances: This episode marks
Dimitri’s very first appearance in the series! He has a very visible role as
Balki holds him for comfort while lamenting the fact he had an accident in
Cousin Larry’s car. Balki even addresses him as Dimitri, so we learn the
stuffed sheep’s name from the beginning.
Balki-isms:
" . . . you lucky son of a
goat."
"Oh, to get an official document like
that must make you so aroused!"
" . . . you will give me my lesson in
front of the wheel."
"Cousin Larry, I have been reading
the manuel."
"You can fool some of the sheep all
of the time but you can’t fool some of the sheep all of the
time."
"Printed in Hicksville, New York,
by somebody named Pat Pending."
"I may be nervous but I know my G’s
and U’s."
"You made me stick with it when I was
ready to throw up the towel."
Don’t be ridiculous: Said three times.
Other catchphrases
used in this episode:
"Oh po po."
"Don’t you ever, EVER do that
again!"
Other running jokes used in this episode:
Balki adhering to a Myposian custom
(in this case going far away and hiding his face in shame) (first time)
Songs: "In My Little Deuce
Coupe" - performed by Balki when Larry offers to teach him to drive
"America the Beautiful"-
performed by Larry and Balki as Larry is trying to encourage Balki to go for his
driver’s license
Notable Moments:
Balki gets his driver's license.
Dimitri is seen for the very first time.
Interesting facts:
- The title of this episode is the name of a
classic Beatles song.
- We learn in this episode that the country
of Mypos only has one car.
- If you watch closely, you can see that one oil
can in the pyramid (the second from the left on the bottom) is suddenly pulled
backwards and off the table, which is what causes the pyramid to collapse.
To the credit of the special effects people, the string pulling the can is not
clearly visible.
- The paper bags Larry carries into the apartment
are from Ralph's grocery store (known as Kroeger's in other parts of the
country). If you look closely you can see the name and logo have been
marked out with a black pen.
- The driving lesson in the living room was
also done in a very funny episode of Laverne and Shirley. This would not be the
last time Perfect Strangers would use similar plots and situations from that
series (which was also produced in part by Thomas Miller and Bob Boyett).
- Balki's alphabet blanket is seen clearly in this episode. It appears to
be a handmade Myposian blanket with the English alphabet written and illustrated
with examples. Balki probably had this blanket from childhood and used it
to help him learn English.
- This is the first time we see Susan
wearing a nurse’s outfit, complete with name tag.
- When Balki says he will never be a real live
nephew of his Uncle Sam he's quoting a line from the song Yankee Doodle Dandy.
- Balki takes upon himself a Myposian custom
in which he must go far away and cover his face in shame. This was to be the
first of many similar Myposian customs to come over the years.
- Larry and Balki’s rendition of
"America the Beautiful" complete with hushing their voices for the
second "America" was a fan favorite and they even sang it again the
episode Prose and Cons.
-
Character actor Eddie Barth gives a memorable performance here as the DMV
worker, Frank. He also made an appearance in an episode of Full House
and had a semi-regular roles on the series Simon & Simon and
Murder, She 
Wrote. Commercial fans may recognize his voice from Miller
Lite commercials in which he intoned "Everything you always wanted in a
beer . . . and less."
- Another possibly familiar face is that of a woman
standing in the background at the DMV. Could this be the same woman who
appears almost regularly on the series in the background at the Chicago
Chronicle? She shows up again in the second season episode Get a Job.
We still don't know the identity of this regular background extra.
Bloopers and
Inconsistencies:
- Cousin nighttime59
on the Forums alerted us to this interesting blooper: At the beginning of the
show when Balki is stamping the oil cans and Larry is stacking them, Balki only
has five cans in the box, and yet he stamps eight cans! How is this
possible? Well, watch closely . . . Larry places two cans on a flat level
before the shot switches to one from Camera A. Suddenly those two cans are
gone and Larry stacks them again. They used footage of the same shot shown
previously but from a different angle, to make the scene longer!
- Cousin nighttime59
also pointed out that in the first scene when Larry says "He can do
anything he puts his mind to," Balki tosses the feather duster he is
holding beside the radio (which was sold in the first episode . . . why is
it still there?) but then when Twinkacetti walks into his office the duster is
magically back in Balki's hand so he can toss it down again before dancing
away. It's likely two takes of the scene were done and Bronson threw the
duster aside at different times, something the continuity person should have
caught.
- In this episode their address is given as
"627 Lincoln Blvd." although this changed often throughout the series
(see our Watch . . . and Learn! section for more on such inconsistencies.)
- When
Balki asks if he should place his hand over "your
left or my left?" eye, the instructor says "Your left, my
right." Balki then places his left hand over his own left eye and his
right hand over the man's left eye, not his right eye, although to Balki it
would be the man's right eye and not his left eye. Is that confusing
enough?
- When
Twinkacetti hands Larry the money he won in their bet, he comments, "So my
kid misses Christmas." As we learn in the following season,
Twinkacetti actually has two children, a boy and a girl named Donny and Marie.
Synopsis:
The
episode begins with Balki and Larry working in the
Ritz Discount store. Balki is stamping the price on cans of motor oil (very
fitting considering the topic of this episode!). As he stamps each can, Balki tosses
them to Larry,
who in turn stacks them into a pyramid shape. Balki throws the last one
and then also tosses the price stamper to Larry. "That's the last
one," Balki explains. "Darn, one more we would have had a
perfect pyramid," Larry sighs. Balki looks at the front of the
pyramid and asks, "Why, don't we use this one?" pointing to a can on
the bottom row. "Oh, Balki no!" Larry cries as Balki pulls the
can out and places it safely on the top of the pyramid. "What?
Perfect!" Balki announces proudly, then walks away. "Obviously you don’t know
the first thing about physics," Larry comments.
Mr. Twinkacetti enters, carrying some
mail. "Morning, gentlemen," he says, "and I use the word
incorrectly." Balki starts to dust 
around
the cash register as Larry begins pricing some wrapping paper and replies,
"Good morning, Mr. Twinkacetti." Twinkacetti opens a letter and
laughs, looking at his driver's license. "Oh, look what you got, you
lucky son of a goat!" Balki exclaims. "It's my driver's
license," Twinkacetti says flatly, "I just got it renewed."
"Congratulations," Balki smiles, "Oh! To get an official
document like that must make you so aroused!" "Yeah, come to
think of it, I wonder when mine's up for renewal," Larry thinks, pulling
out his wallet to look at his own license. "Oh," Balki sighs,
"It's a wonderful thing, a driver's license. I don't have a driver's
license. And I want to thank you both for letting me hang out with you
anyway." "What are you talking about?" Larry asks.
"Your driver's license?" Balki asks, "Your membership card to the
American dream?" "Balki, it's only a driver's license,"
Larry notes. "Only a driver's license?" Balki cries, "Is
the Lincoln Memorial only a building? Is Mount Rushmore only a chunk of
stone? Is Merv Griffin only a talk show host?" "Well, it's
hard to argue when you put it like that," Larry admits, putting his license
back into his wallet.
"But didn't you have a driver's
license back in Mypos?" Larry asks. "Well, we only had one
car," Balki answers. "Well, my family only had one car,"
Larry says. "My country only had one car," Balki
explains. "Which is a good thing," Twinkacetti interjects, 
"because
they let the guy with the brain drive." "Come on, Twinkacetti,"
Larry says, "Balki could get a driver's license." "I
could?" Balki asks in awe. "Sure," Larry answers.
"Don't be ridiculous!" Balki scoffs, "I am not born in the
USA." "Well, that doesn't make any difference," Larry
assures him, "You can still get a driver's license." "You
teasing Balki," Balki says, not daring to believe it. "No, it's
no big deal. All you need is someone to teach you how to
drive." "Will you teach me?" Balki asks. "Well,
sure," Larry smiles, "I'm your friend." "In your
car?" Balki asks. Larry looks worried. "Uh, in my
car? Uh, Balki, I don't think that's a good idea." "Why
not?" Balki asks. "Well, Balki, a man's car is not just a piece
of machinery," Larry hesitates, "I mean, my car is very special to
me. I spent years saving nickels and dimes so that I could . . . I mean,
it's not that I don't trust you. It's just that, uh . . . well, see, uh .
. . how can I say this?" "You don't want it driven into the side
of a building," Twinkacetti offers. "That's it," Larry
agrees, then he sees Balki's expression and adds, "Well, that's not
entirely it."
"Oh, face it," Twinkacetti
chides, "We both know the yo-yo can't get a license."
"Well, that's not true!" Larry argues. "Fifty bucks 
says
he can't!" Twinacetti says. "I'm not even going to dignify that
with a response," Larry scoffs. Twinkacetti laughs and tells Balki,
"Translated, that means your pal doesn't think you can do it."
He heads toward his office. "He can do anything he puts his mind
to!" Larry insists. "Then put your money where your mouth
is!" Twinkacetti replies. "All right, you got a bet!" Larry
agrees, "And I'll teach him in my car!" "You will?"
Balki asks. "Did I say it?" Larry asks. "Yes!"
Balki answers. "Damn!" Larry swears. Twinkacetti grabs
Larry's hand to shake and smiles, "You're on! It's gonna be like
taking candy from a baby." He thinks a moment and mutters to himself,
"I haven't done that in a while, either." Twinkacetti goes to
his office. "My very own driver's license!" Balki gasps
excitedly, "I can't wait to hit the highway!" Balki turns and
starts singing "In my little deuce coup . . . " Larry stands by
the oil cans, looking worried. "I volunteered my car!" He
looks upward and asks, "Please, God, tell me I didn't make a
mistake!" The pyramid of cans suddenly topples, with cans rolling
every which way. "Was that a yes or a no?" Larry asks.
Later in the apartment, Balki is sitting
in a chair by the fireplace reading a booklet. Larry enters with two bags
full of groceries. 
Balki jumps up excitedly, announcing, "Cousin
Larry! I have been reading the manuel!" "The manuel?"
Larry asks in confusion. "The driving manuel," Balki explains,
still pronouncing "manual" as "manuel." "Oh, the
driving manuel!" Larry understands, "Well, you can't study that too
much." "Well, I read every day for a week," Balki
explains. "Well, that's good," Larry says. "And you
said when I have read the manuel and memorize the rules, you will give me my
lesson in front of the wheel." "Uh, that's behind the
wheel," Larry corrects, "and see? That's exactly what I'm
talking about. You don't even know which side of the wheel to be
on." "But . . . you promise to teach me," Balki reminds
him. "Well, I know, I know," Larry hesitates, "I just was
hoping we could wait a little longer. At least until my car depreciates
another year." Balki gives him a sad expression and Larry finally
says, "Okay. A promise is a promise. All right, come on."
Larry carries the groceries next to the
coffee table and sets them down on the floor. Larry sits on the table and
says, "Okay. 
Now let's pretend that this is my car."
"Oh po po!" Balki scoffs, "You don't trust me in a real
car?" "I just think we should get some practice before we get
into an actual moving, life-threatening motor vehicle," Larry explains,
"Now, get in the car." Balki gives in and walks around the back
of the coffee table, pantomiming that he's opening the driver's side door.
He sits on the coffee table and mimes slamming the door shut. "Don't
you ever, ever do that again!" Larry scolds. "What?"
Balki asks. "You slammed the door!" Larry snaps. Balki
looks taken aback, then responds with, "Well, it's a little hard to
remember when you driving a coffee table." "Okay," Larry
continues, "Now, you got your steering wheel, your brake, gear shift,
accelerator. Make sure it's in park and start it up."
"Cousin, there's nothing here," Balki points out, "Don't you
think it would be easier in your car?" "Easier for you, not for
me," Larry states.
"All right, look," Larry sighs,
reaching over to the grocery bags, "I'll build you a little driving
simulator." Larry pulls out a plunger and sticks it on the
floor. "This is your gear shift," he explains. He pulls
out a box of frozen broccoli and sets it on the floor, saying, "Frozen
broccoli is your accelerator." He then pulls out a grapefruit and
also places it on the floor, stating, "And the 
grapefruit is your
brake. Now, it's in park, so just start it up." "Did you
give me the key?" Balki asks. Larry mimes pulling a set of keys out
of his pocket and shaking them in front of Balki. Balki takes the
"keys" and then reaches over and mimes opening the glove compartment
and taking something out. "What are you doing?" Larry
asks. "Sunglasses," Balki explains, miming breathing on them and
then wiping them on his shirt. He puts on the "sunglasses" and
then mimes pulling on his seat belt. "Buckle up," Balki tells
Larry. "Start the car," Larry says, losing his
patience. Balki mimes turning the key and places his hands on an
imaginary wheel as Larry says, "Okay. Now, put your foot on the
brake." Balki puts his foot on the broccoli and Larry says, "On
the brake. The grapefruit." Balki switches his foot to the
grapefruit. "Okay. Now . . . put it in drive," Larry
coaxes. Balki moves the handle of the plunger. "And slowly,
slowly . . . give it a little broccoli . . . " Balki presses his foot
lightly on the broccoli. "Just pull out into traffic," Larry
says. Balki smiles as he mimes driving and Larry says, "Okay.
Good."
"Now, we're cruising down the
street," Larry continues, "A little broccoli, little broccoli . . .
okay, not so fast. Not so fast. There's a lot of
traffic." "This window too much on you?" Balki asks,
motioning to where the window would be on his side. "It's fine,"
Larry assures him, "Now, what I'm gonna do is throw a few emergency
situations your way. Okay? Is that all right?" Balki nods
and Larry says, "Good," then looks ahead and shouts loudly, "Look
out!!" Balki screams and curls up on the coffee table, covering
his eyes with his hands. "Now that's rule number one!" Larry
says, "The driver never ever covers his eyes." "Why you did
that?" Balki asks. "A school bus pulled out in front of
you," Larry explains. "I didn't see a school bus," Balki
says. "How can you miss a big yellow bus with large flashing
lights?" Larry asks. "Well, I was busy avoiding the runaway baby
carriage," Balki counters.
"What runaway baby carriage?"
Larry asks. "What school bus?" Balki asks, "I don't
understand this game!" "Okay. Okay, Balki, 
if you're not
gonna take this seriously there's no point in teaching you," Larry states,
turning away with his arms crossed. "I'll do better," Balki
promises. Larry waits a moment then says, "Okay. Now I think we
should take a few more practice spins around the living room before the
accelerator defrosts, and if you don't hit anything we'll, uh . . . we'll go for
a ride in my car." "Oh, thank you, Cousin Larry!" Balki
smiles, grabbing Larry's shoulders, "And don't worry. I'll be
careful. All right, I'm turning right now!" Balki mimes turning
the wheel and Larry cries, "All right, signal, signal, signal!" Larry
cries. Balki throws his right out arm straight, hitting Larry and knocking
him backwards off the coffee table. Larry slowly looks up over the coffee
table, fuming. "Next time, buckle up!" Balki scolds, "It's
the law!" Larry buries his face in his arm.
The next scene is at the Ritz Discount
Store. Susan is standing by the counter with Balki and asks, "Balki,
what happened?" "I 
had an accident in Cousin Larry's car,"
Balki says sadly. "Oh no . . . was anybody hurt?" Susan
asks. "Unfortunately, I lived," Balki sighs. Larry enters
the store, fuming and counting, " . . . seven . . . eight . . . nine . . .
ten . . . " "Larry what happened?" Susan asks.
"Not now, I'm counting to a thousand," Larry says. "What
happened?" Susan asks again. "What happened?" Larry asks as
Balki hides his face in his hands, "What happened? He is what
happened! We were practicing parking at the supermarket and all of a
sudden this runaway shopping cart came hurtling across the lot right at
us!" "A shopping cart?" Susan asks. "A hurtling
shopping cart!" Larry clarifies, then turns on Balki, "I told you to
hit the brake!" "Yes, but you confused me," Balki explains,
"You keep shouting, 'Hit the grapefruit! Hit the grapefruit!' and I
cannot remember is it brake or gas the grapefruit?"
"Couldn't
remember? It's the brake!" Larry shouts, "It's the brake!
Grapefruit is the brake! Who doesn't know that?" Twinkacetti
shrugs. "The point is the cart plowed right into my front
fender," Larry complains. "Oh Cousin," Balki cries, taking
Larry's hand in his and placing his face upon it, "I know you never can
forgive me. I was a fool to think that ever I could have a license like a
real American. Now I never will be a real live cousin of my Uncle
Sam." "Balki," Larry says, trying to get Balki to
stop. Balki raises his head and continues, "Oh, I am the lowest form
of life. I am . . . a calf butcher. According to Mypos custom, I
have to go far away and cover my face in shame." Balki pulls his
jacket over his face, then pulls it away to say, "Goodbye." He
heads for the door of the store and walks right into it. "I hate
these old customs!" he complains, then covers his face again and walks out
the door. Larry stands, looking confused as the scene fades.
Act two begins in the apartment.
Balki is sitting on the chair to the right of the couch, laying beneath his
alphabet blanket and 
holding
a stuffed sheep, looking sad. Larry enters the apartment and Balki
immediately pulls the blanket up over his face. Larry walks over to Balki,
hesitates, then approaches. But Balki lets out a cry and Larry backs
off. After a moment Larry tries again, but Balki lets out a sob again and
so Larry sits on the end of the couch nearest the chair instead. "Balki.
Balki, Balki, I'm sorry," Larry offers. Balki peeks out from behind
the blanket. "It's just that it's my car and it's your fault!"
Larry snaps, causing Balki to duck under the blanket again. "No, no,
no," Larry says, "I didn't mean to say that. I
overreacted." Balki lowers the blanket as Larry continues.
"I owe you an apology. I'm sorry. I was more concerned about my
car than your feelings." "No, you were right," Balki sighs,
"I am a lowly immigrant who dared to dream." "Now don't
talk like that!" Larry argues. "I don't deserve a driver's
license," Balki says, "I don't even deserve a library card. I
would probably be arrested for speed reading." "Things don't
always come easy," Larry explains, "It wasn't easy for you to pack up
and come to America. You found me. You found a job. You found
a place to live. That was tough! And you're not a quitter. You
know why?" Balki thinks a moment, then says, "I give up.
Why?"
"Oh
beautiful, for spacious skies . . . " Larry begins to sing, encouraging
Balki to sing with him, " . . . for amber waves of grain . . . "
As Balki continues to sing "America, the Beautiful," Larry says,
"Because you were born with the desire to make yourself better.
That's why you came to America! Hanging in there is part of what the
American spirit is all about! Yes!" Larry urges Balki to stand
and they continue singing loudly, "America!" Larry motions for
them to say the second "America" softer and then he continues with his
encouragement. "When you fall off that horse you've got to climb
right back on and show it who's boss! When the going gets tough, the tough
get going! Never say die! If at first you don't succeed, try, try
again!" "You mean, if I live in a glass house I must not throw
stones!" Balki jumps in, leaving Larry confused. "You can fool
some of the sheep all of the time, but you can't fool some of the sheep all
of the time!" Balki continues.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" Larry
says, "Whatever works for you! The point is I don't want you to lose
your confidence. I believe in you. 
And
to prove it, I want you to go out there this afternoon and use my car to take
that test." "Cousin Larry, you'll let me use your car
again?" Balki smiles. Larry hesitates only a moment then answers,
"Yes." "Cousin Larry," Balki says, then looks down at
his stuffed sheep and adds, "Dimitri . . . if you trust me that much . . .
I'll do it!" He sets Dimitri down as Larry gets his car keys out of
his pants pocket and holds them out for Balki. "Great!" Larry
says. "I'll get back on that horse!" Balki says, clutching the
keys still in Larry's hand. "You betcha!" Larry agrees.
"I'll show it who's boss!" Balki adds. "That's the
spirit!" Larry smiles. "Cousin Larry?"
"What?" "Let go of the key." "I'm trying,
I'm really trying," Larry assures him as Balki tries to wrestle the keys
away from him.
We see an establishing shot of the State
of Illinois Motor Vehicle Facility. Inside there are many people milling
about. Balki and 
Larry
are waiting on line and Balki is shaking all over, holding his
application. "Nervous?" Larry asks. "Of course not,
don't be ridiculous," Balki says, then starts shaking again.
"You know that manual backwards and forwards," Larry assures
him. "Backwards?" Balki cries worriedly. "It's a
figure of speech," Larry says quickly. "All right, there's one
question I have to ask about the manuel," Balki says.
"Yes?" Larry asks. "If four persons come to a four-way stop
at the same moment, and the man on my right has the right of way, who goes first
because everybody has somebody on his right." Larry thinks a moment,
then answers, "That's why you buy insurance." "Thank
you," Balki says, then admits, "I'm very nervous."
"Relax," Larry urges, "People here are very, very
nice." An older man at the counter yells, "Next!" in a very
gruff voice. Balki eyes him worriedly. "Well, come on, I don't
have all day," the man says sharply. "Hey, you lucked out,"
Larry smiles, "you got a good one!" They approach the counter.
The man takes the form from Balki and
looks at it. "Okay, your first name is spelled B-A-L . . .
" "K-I," Larry finishes with him, "K-I . . . Balki
Bartokomous." "Current address, 6 . . . " "627
Lincoln Blvd.," Larry finishes again. "Place of birth . . .
" "Mypos. It's a Mediterranean island," Larry
says. The man stares at Larry and then looks to Balki, asking, "Who's
this? Your ventriloquist?" 
"No,
this my Cousin Larry!" Balki says proudly. The man addresses Balki
again, asking, "You! See the eye chart?" "Yes, I see
it!" Balki says happily, "Boy, that was an easy test!"
"Cover the left eye, please," the man asks. "Your left or
my left?" Balki asks. "Your left, my right," the man
answers. Balki places his left hand over his own left eye and his right
hand over the man's left eye. "Take your hand off my face," the
man insists. Balki does so. "Read the first line," the man
instructs. Balki looks at the eye chart and reads "E."
"Cover the other eye," the man says. Balki puts his right hand
over his right eye but doesn't take the left off the left, so now he has both
hands over both eyes. "Uncover the left eye!" the man says in
frustration. Balki uncovers his left eye and smiles, saying, "Lucky
break. I couldn't see a thing." "What's the last line you
can read?" the man asks, indicating the chart on the wall behind him
again. Balki reads, "Copyright 1963. Printed in Hicksville, New
York, by somebody named Pat Pending." Larry leans over the counter to
look as the man also has to look closely at the chart himself. "Okay,
I'll give that to you," the man says, marking the form. "Cousin
Larry, I passed the eye test!" Balki says happily. "See?
All that studying paid off," Larry smiles.
The man hands Balki a paper, explaining,
"Here's your written test. Over there." Balki takes the
paper and tries to take a pen 
from
the counter but it is attached by a cord and he gets jerked back. Larry
replaces the pen and hands Balki a pencil from a cup holder instead. Larry
leads Balki over to the testing area, saying, "All right, now . . . take
your time. Some of these questions can be pretty tricky."
"Uh, excuse me!" the man calls, "Cousin Larry. You're
getting on my nerves." "Well, I'm sorry," Larry offers,
"It's just that getting a driver's license is very important to him.
It's kind of a symbol of, uh . . . . " "Park it over
there!" the man orders, indicating the waiting area. "Yes, right
. . . no problem!" Larry smiles nervously, "I know you live with a lot
of stress." Larry walks to the waiting area but Balki turns from the
test area and walks to the counter. Larry follows, asking, "What's
the matter?" Balki hands his test paper to the man and says,
"Nothing is the matter. I'm finished." "You're
finished? How could you be finished?" Larry asks. "I knew
all the answers!" Balki says. Larry turns to the man, saying,
"Excuse me, I think my friend here may have made a hasty act
here." "Cousin, Cousin, relax," Balki says, "I may be
nervous but I know my G's and U's." "That's P's and Q's,"
Larry corrects. "I didn't know that," Balki says.
"Okay, one wrong," the man
announces. "One wrong?" Larry asks excitedly, "One
wrong! Balki, that's great!" "I got one 
wrong?"
Balki asks unhappily. "Only one, that's fantastic!" Larry
smiles. "I got one wrong?" Balki asks the man. "It's
okay! You passed!" Larry explains. "You must have made a
mistake," Balki tells the man. "Look, you're allowed seven
mistakes," the man points out, "You passed the test."
"I demand a recount," Balki insists. "Balki, Balki!
Let it go!" Larry insists, but the man checks the test again.
"Well, whaddya know?" the man says, "He's right. A perfect
paper." "I knew I was right!" Balki announces to the people
waiting in line. "Sorry," the man says sarcastically, "All
out of little gold stars." "What about a little happy
face?" Balki asks. Larry pulls Balki away from the counter.
"Balki, you've got to be nice to these people!" Larry explains,
"If that man was your driving examiner, you'd be in a lot of
trouble!" The man appears next to them and taps Balki's arm,
motioning outside. "Let's go. On this part of the test you're
only allowed three mistakes. Where's your car?" "In
front," Balki answers. "In the red zone?" the man asks,
shaking his head, "That's one!" Balki follows the man out the
door and Larry waits inside, nervously.
Back at the Ritz Discount, Twinkacetti is
on the phone by the cash register. "I told you, all sales are
final," he says into the receiver, "Do I stand behind my
products? Listen, sister, look behind your TV. Do you see me
there? There's your answer!" He 
hangs
up the phone and sighs, "Those nuns are so pushy!" Larry runs in
the door, looking around. "Is Balki here? I can't find
him! He went for his driver's test two hours ago and he never came
back!" "Oh, too bad," Twinkacetti sighs in mock sympathy,
"You lost your pal. You lost your car. You lost the bet.
Pay me!" "He could be lying out there injured," Larry
points out, "How can you think of money at a time like this?"
"Easy! I'm not a nice person! Pay me!" Twinkacetti
repeats. The door opens and Balki enters, looking a little dazed.
"Balki, you're alive!" Larry exclaims. "Yes, I think
so," Balki says quietly, "I have to sit down." "Get
the man a chair!" Twinkacetti says with glee. Balki walks over to the
antique barber's chair and sits down. "What happened? I was
worried!" Larry says. "I tried to call you from the hospital but
the phones were being used," Balki explains. "The
hospital?" Larry asks, "You were in the hospital?" "I
didn't want to get on the expressway but I got confused," Balki
continues. "You're not supposed to be on the expressway!" Larry
states. "I know! But I said to him, 'You want to take a left?'
and he said, 'Right,' so I took a right and suddenly Frank and me were on the
expressway in the middle of rush hour. And I don't know why they call it
rush hour because nothing moves."
"Who is Frank?" Larry
asks. "That grumpy guy from the driver's license store," Balki
explains, "The one who had a heart attack." "Frank had a
heart attack?" Larry asks in shock. "Well, no, it turns out what
he had was a bad lunch. A salami sandwich, french fries and two chili
dogs. Nice guy but he had more gas than Exxon." "You're
breakin' my heart," Twinkacetti says, and points to 
Larry,
saying, "You lost the bet. Pay me. Give me my
money!" "You're really enjoying this, aren't you?" Balki
asks. "Human suffering is my thing," Twinkacetti smiles.
"Suffer this," Balki says, reaching into his pocket to pull out a
card, "I got my license!" Twinkacetti looks shocked and Larry
cries, "You got it! You got it!" Balki jumps up and hugs
Larry. "Frank was so happy he wasn't dead that he gave me my driver's
license," Balki smiles. "No way! Let me see
that!" Twinkacetti snatches the license from Balki and looks it
it. "Excuse me a moment," he says, and turns his back to them,
letting out a yelp of frustration. He turns back and hands Balki his card,
sighing nonchalantly, "Hey, but we had fun, didn't we?" He
starts to walk away but Larry goes after him, saying, "Ah, Mr. Twinkacetti?"
Twinkacetti turns around and fishes in his pocket, sighing, "Ah,
right. The money. Okay." He pulls out fifty dollars and
shoves it into Larry's hand. "So my kid misses Christmas,"
Twinkacetti sighs, giving Larry a look before going into his office.
"Balki, you did it!" Larry says,
patting his shoulder, "I'm proud of ya." "Thank you, Cousin
Larry," Balki replies, "But you made me 
stick
with it when I was ready to throw up the towel." "Beautifully
put," Larry notes, "but you're the one who passed the
test." "Yes, but I was ready to be a quitter and give up my part
of the American dream. But you wouldn't let me. Instead you have
faith in me and you trusted me with your car." "Well, trust is
what friendship is all about," Larry smiles. "And you didn't
even worry about your car!" Balki notes. "I never gave it a
thought," Larry agrees, then asks, "Did you put on the parking
brake?" "Of course I did, don't be ridiculous," Balki says,
then asks, "What's a parking brake?" When Larry starts to react
Balki says, "Got you! Larry Appleton, you are the best friend this
Mediterranean sheepherder ever had." "Thanks," Larry
smiles, "What d'ya say we go out and celebrate? It's on
Twinkie!" They start for the door and Larry asks, "Where are the
car keys?" "Oh they’re
nice and safe," Balki assures him, "I locked them in the car!"
Larry look at Balki in disbelief and Balki realizes what he's done, clasping his
hands over his mouth as they both run out of the store in a panic.
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