Perfect Strangers Episode Guide

EPISODE 00 - Unaired Pilot (Knock, Knock . . . Who's There?)
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    These shots are from the opening scene of the pilot, featuring Louie Anderson as Lou, Lise Cutter as Susan and Ernie Sabella as Mr. Twinkacetti.  This scene takes place in the Ritz Discount Store before the opening segment of the aired pilot (which begins with Lou in his apartment).  It's very likely this opening scene was also filmed for the aired pilot but was left on the cutting room floor.  This scene also establishes that Susan works as a nurse, something I'm not sure is referred to in the aired episodes, although she is seen wearing her nurse's uniform sometimes.

   

    Here is how the script reads for this opening segment (this is from the script for the first episode as filmed with Mark and Bronson, so the pilot script may not follow this exactly, but is the same general idea):

INT. RITZ DISCOUNT STORE - DAY

THE STORE DEALS IN FACTORY SECONDS - - SHEETS, TOWELS AND CLOTHES THAT ARE IN SOMEWAY FLAWED.  THERE ARE ALSO TV'S AND APPLIANCES, SOME FLAWED, SOME JUST USED.  SIGNS MARK THE DIFFERENCE.  THERE IS A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING, INCLUDING USED FURNITURE, MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS, SPEAKERS AND AMPLIFIERS.  THERE IS A BRASS HAT RACK STANDING BY THE FRONT DOOR.  LOU IS TRYING TO SET UP A DISPLAY.  HE'S UNFOLDING A WOODEN AND CANVAS BEACH CHAIR.  HE IS UNABLE TO GET IT SET UP PROPERLY.  SUSAN ENTERS.  SHE'S DRESSED IN HER NURSE'S UNIFORM.  DURING THE FOLLOWING LOU CONTINUES TRYING TO SET UP THE CHAIR WITH LITTLE LUCK WHILE AT THE SAME TIME TRYING TO MAKE SUSAN THINK NOTHING UNUSUAL IS GOING ON. (Note - no photos from this session show anything with a beach chair so that bit might have been rewritten for the second pilot with Mark)

SUSAN
Hi, Lou.

LOU
Hi, Susan.  What brings you here?  I'm not sick am I?

SUSAN
(KIDDING) No, I hope not.  I'm on my lunch break.  I just thought I'd drop in and see how you are.

LOU
Hey, I'm doing great.  Two weeks in the big city.  I finally got my apartment set up like a real bachelor pad.  Nothing in the frig except beer.  Well . . . there's a bottle of Maalox in there, too.  Beer really screws up my stomach.

SUSAN
Well, that's the price you pay for being a bachelor.

LOU
Are you kidding?  This is a dream come true.  I came from a family of eight brothers and sisters.  You had to take a number to pet the dog.


SUSAN
Is working in a discount store part of your dream?

LOU
Allright, it's a discount dream.  But until I achieve what I want, this job keeps Maalox in the frig.

SUSAN
Twinkacetti's a terrible landlord.  I can't imagine working for him, too.

LOU
It's no worse than any other living hell.  But even a man who enjoys tormenting small animals must have his good side.

 

TWINKIE ENTERS, TOSSING HIS HAT ON THE HAT RACK WITHOUT LOOKING.

TWINKIE
God, I hate the day light.

LOU
Or not.  Hello, Mr. Twinkacetti.

TWINKIE
(SEES SUSAN) Hey, cupcakes, let's go in my office and renegotiate your rent.

SUSAN
(BRIGHTLY) I'd rather slam a car door on my fingers.

TWINKIE
(SHRUGS) We can do both.  Think about it.

TWINKIE ENTERS HIS OFFICE.

LOU
That man is living proof that there's a dark side to evolution.

 

Some other photos possibly staged for the photo shoot, or do they show variations of the script for this opening scene?   (Note the money Twinkacetti is holding in the third photo.)

   

   

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